The proposal.
I’m a little confused by this final debt ceiling proposal. Who gave who the final rose?
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Many Americans on both sides would say that we all ended up with plenty of… fertilizer.
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Watching ABC’s previews for “Bachelor Pad.” The perfect show for all those who think the “Bachelor/Bachelorette” is too emotionally restrained and classy.
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Jerry Lewis slammed the show “American Idol,” Saying the contestants are all “McDonalds Wipeouts.” Responded McDonalds Corp, “Who’s Jerry Lewis?”
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Oakland Athletics owner Lew Wolff, speaking in support of his friend Bud Selig, says that for the “good of baseball,” he hopes Frank McCourt will sell the Los Angeles Dodgers soon. Uh, actually, for the good of baseball, many people wish Wolff would sell the hapless As.
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A woman from Kansas is in stable condition after being accidentally run over by a Beach Patrol pickup truck while sunbathing on Daytona Beach. I see a new “safer alternative” advertising campaign for tanning salons.
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Saw the SI.com headline Monday “Bradshaw agrees to return to Giants.” You know you’ve heard too many Brett Favre stories when your first reaction is “Dear Gawd, not Terry too?”
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A joint effort with my comedy writer friend Jerry Perisho: “Jennifer Lopez talks about her marital trouble in Vanity Fair, but please still respect her privacy, ok?”
Like Sarah Palin calling news conferences to promote her documentary and asking the media to leave her family alone.
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Limelight-loving Randy Moss says he is retiring. Even Pete Rose is saying “I wouldn’t bet on it.”
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The New York Jets feel Plaxico Burress will be a positive addition this year Although while the wide receiver is talented, there were other issues -mostly attitude related – with the Giants before he ended up in prison.
If Burress ends up being more trouble than he is worth will other teams feel like they dodged a bullet?
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Rex Ryan said it was a “leap of faith” to sign Plaxico Burress. Well, at least he didn’t say it was a “shot in the dark.”
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Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords has returned to the House floor for the first time since her shooting, casting her vote for the debt ceiling compromise. Apparently Giffords still has some trouble stringing coherent sentences together. This still, however, puts her ahead of many members of Congress.
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San Francisco is placing Barry Zito on the DL again. Nothing personal, but judging by his last few starts, most fans would say that “D” stands for “Disgusting.”
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Actually the only hope for Zito at this point may be to get pitching lessons from Gaylord Perry.
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“Down under” Tiger joke from Augie: Said Tiger, “This will allow me to keep my short strokes down under the minimum so I can get it in the hole easier.”
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Finally, Mitt Romney said Monday he opposes the debt ceiling deal. Which means in about a week he should be supporting it.
Tags: Bachelorette jokes, debt ceiling jokes, Plaxico Burress jokes, Zito jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 
August 2, 2011 at 7:16 am
“San Francisco is placing Barry Zito on the DL again. Nothing personal, but judging by his last few starts, most fans would say that “D” stands for “Disgusting.”
To which a fan in the cheap seats yelled out, “Done Loser.”
August 2, 2011 at 4:14 pm
After signing legislation to raise the debt ceiling, the President saw the stock market plunge 266 points. Guess they should have been working on the debt basement.
August 2, 2011 at 8:00 pm
New England Patriots have acquired controversial players Albert Haynesworth and Chad Ochocinco. If these players are disruptive to the team chemistry, coach Belichek will give them assignments off the field. (like with video cameras)
August 3, 2011 at 5:03 am
And Ochocinco will be tweeting the info from the sidelines.
August 2, 2011 at 9:33 pm
Special to Travel Industry Key Personnel……
The FBI announced they are close to solving the case on notorious 1971 skyjacker D.B. Cooper. In Nov 24, 1971, a hijacker smoking a Raleigh cigarette demanded $200,000 in cash and 4 parachutes on Northwest Flight 305 en route from Portland OR to Seattle WA. After the exchange was made for the safety of the passengers, the plane flew him to Mexico as he demanded. Somewhere over the OR/WA border he jumped out of the rear door of the Boeing 727 with the money strapped to his body and into infamy. No sign of him has been found since, other than three bundles of marked bills totaling $5800 found by an eight year old along the Columbia River in 1980.
Fast Forward Forty Years:
First of all, considering inflation, the $200k in 1971 would be = to $1M in today’s value.
When’s the last time you flew on a 727? I’ve flown on a 707, 727, 737, 747, 757, 767 and booked this fall on a 777. What the hell happened to the 717??? (insider confidential stuff: Boeing is planning a 711 widebody jet, all passengers with kids will get bottomless Slurpees)
Next, smoking a cigarette anywhere near an airplane or airport would create immediate attention, never mind on an actual aircraft.
Any passenger on board a plane headed from Portland to Seattle today would be happy to turn around and go to Mexico.
$1M cash would not fit in the overhead compartments, nor underneath the seat in front of you.
Before leaving SEA-TAC for Mexico, TSA agents would rip apart all the parachutes looking for contraband such as bottled water or toothpaste, that all four parachutes would no longer be functional.
Even with $1M cash in his possession, Cooper would not even have been able to purchase an in-flight drink, movie, food or blankie as today’s flights no longer accept cash. Visa, MC, AmEx or other major cards only! (Since he’s circa 1971, we’ll let him use his Diner’s Card.)
The FBI is rumored to be announcing that the person they believe is DB Cooper apparently died 10 years ago.
To this day, Northwest Airlines still does not have his name on their “No Fly List”.
For Canucks fans only – Cooper is the only guy in the world that disappeared more famously than the Sedin twins at playoff time. [And the double punch line, the Sedins got away with more money]