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Final six.

March 29, 2011

The Stanford women’s basketball team was shooting over 60 percent from the floor night late into the second half, and ended up with a .574 shooting percentage. If you were watching boys, this is how it’s done.

And the Stanford women turned out to be the very first #1 ranked team in their bracket, for men or women, to advance to the NCAA basketball final four.

But really this has  been a weird year. The last time things turned out so bizarrely for seeds, a beanstalk and giant were involved.

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Barry Bonds’ trial is getting tawdrier and tawdrier, now with testimony from his ex-mistress about Bonds’ sexual performance, and the changing shape of his “privates.” And we thought the Clinton impeachment trial with thongs and cigars was TMI.

Bonds’ defense team’s tried to discredit his former girlfriend’s testimony by asking how, if he was suffering from E.D., he could have these other mistresses she complained about?. And to think it was not that long ago that parents just worried about keeping their young sports fans away from the SI swimsuit issue.

Unfortunate timing for sportswriters and editors that the Bonds trial is going on at the same time that these “small ball” teams are in the NCAA Final Four.

The New York Knicks won their first game after six losses and are now 8-12 since they traded for Carmelo Anthony.   At this point the team’s motto has to be  “Thank heaven for the Miami Heat.”

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Carmelo Anthony said after the overtime win “We had the will to win.”   Knicks season ticketholders have to be thinking… okay and the rest of the season?

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Whole Foods has opened a dozen small bars, focused on local beer and wine, inside a dozen of their stores, and plans to open more. I guess the plan is, the more customers drink, the less they will notice how expensive the grocery prices are.

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With all the talk about VCU and Butler, many have forgotten that coach John Calipari could be setting a record of his own. If the NCAA discovers anything in future regarding rules violations at Kentucky, Calipari could be the first coach in history to forfeit Final Four appearances with three different teams.

Donald Trump now says that, “a lot of facts are emerging” that are making him question more seriously where Obama was born. “A lot of facts” translates to “Birthers apparently vote in the GOP primaries.”

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Pool parties

March 14, 2011

So now it’s down to 68. That’s teams playing for the men’s college basketball championship, not Republicans running for the Presidency in 2012.  (Though the number has to be getting pretty close to that.)

This year, with 68 teams in the NCAA tournament, the games start Tuesday instead of Thursday. Which means two less days to fill out brackets. So much for two of the only productive U.S. worker days in March. 

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So let’s see, USC was selected for a play-in game against VCU.  This after their coach was suspended for the end of the Pac 10 tournament after getting into such a heated argument with an opposing team booster that police were called.

Now, the Trojans are in a bracket where they will play first in Dayton, then in Chicago, which means no doubt a preponderance of East Coast and Midwest fans.  Let’s see, a coach known to be volatile, a program that many Americans love to hate, and playing about 2000 miles from home.  The best action here could be off the court.

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No Northern California teams are in the mens’ NCAA tournament. Which is a shame. The Sacramento Kings could have been at least a six seed.

(and no folks, Oakland is not in California.  Not the Oakland  that’s in the tournament. The University is in Rochester, Michigan.)

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Actually NCAA pools should give a bonus to those who can correctly identify, without Google. where  Oakland, Wofford, Morehead State, Hampton and St. Peters are located. For starters.

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Many are still buzzing about Michele Bachman’s gaffe of claiming the “shot heard round the world” was fired in Lexington, New Hampshire.    Wonder what would happen if she ended up in a room of old time Giants and Dodgers fans.

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One of those days no doubt for at least two travelers.. An announcement at Dulles airport: “Will arriving passengers on flight XYZ please check to see if they have removed their own carry-on bag from the overhead bin and if not, please return immediately to gate C20.”

From my twisted friend  Jim Barach. 

Researchers conducting a shark census off the California Coast have found just 219 Great White sharks. There may actually have been more, but census workers just seemed to keep disappearing…

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Answers to the University “quiz” –   Hampton is in Virginia.  Morehead State is in Kentucky. Wofford is in South Carolina.   And St. Peters is in New Jersey (yes, I had to look that last one up.)

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Crying shames

March 11, 2011

Of course, on a serious note, the most important story of the day is the tsunami and the tragic results in Japan.  But that doesn’t mean the absurdities of the world take a holiday, and so, today’s blog…..   (Because I really do believe laughter is usually the best medicine.)

The NFL players have de-unionized which increases the chance there will be no professional football next year. So for 49ers and Raiders fans, sounds like business as usual.

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Note to all fans of professional football: The Canadian Football League’s first pre-season game is only three months from Tuesday.

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A new study says that women who get their daily dose of coffee are at less risk of dying from a stroke. Presumably they are also at less risk of killing their husbands and children.

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USC’s mens basketball coach Kevin O’Neill was suspended for the remainder of the Pacific 10  tournament after an “incident”/”verbal altercation” with an opposing team booster in the JW Marriott in Los Angeles.   So is it something in the water in Los Angeles, or do personalites with a tendency to make public fools of themselves just naturally gravitate there?

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And wonder if they’ll suspend O’Neill for something that actually matters to Trojan fans, which this year is likely to be the NIT.

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Happy to have had a suggestion included in ESPN.com’s Page 2 alternative March Madness Top 10 list.  (Although the NFL owners may go down in history as the Maddest this March of all.)

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?id=6201171

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Sunday night is the change to Daylight Savings Time in most of the U.S.   If we’re going to lose an hour though, wouldn’t it be better to do it in the cruddiest month, like February?

Dwyane Wade called out Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy  for his criticism,  saying “When statements are made about the Miami Heat, about the attention we get and us crying about it, [from] Orlando they really don’t understand.”

Uh, Dwayne, outside the immediate environs of South Florida, they don’t understand, or sympathize, either.

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From my friend Ben Burnett:  “BREAKING NEWS: CHARLIE SHEEN SUES PRODUCERS!!!!……and I think something happened in Japan.”

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Auburn coach Gene Chizik dismissed four players from the football team when they were arrested for armed robbery. Chizik said “these young men have a right for their case to be heard, (but) playing for Auburn University is an honor and a privilege. It is not a right.” Unless you have Heisman-level talent.

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Meanwhile  two Michigan State players were arrested for fighting in an Aspen, Colorado, bar and then trying to flee from officers. Police also said they had to use a stun gun on one of the players.  Presumably MSU will impose serious sanctions on the players, which by current Big 10 standards appears to be a two-game suspension.  The Spartans’ first two games?   Youngstown State and Florida Atlantic.

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Outside the lines:

March 10, 2011

Baylor’s freshman star basketball player Perry Jones was declared ineligible because his mother got (and repaid) three, 15-day loans from an AAU coach when Jones was in high school. So, see, the NCAA can actually enforce their own rules. As long as the team involved is not in the Top 25 or the SEC. (And isn’t the USC Trojans.)

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Stanford’s mens basketball team was bounced from the Pac 10 tournament tonight, 69-67 by Oregon State. At one point in the first half the Cardinal was 3 for 30 from the field. With that kind of shooting skill I presume they got a half time congratulatory call from Dick Cheney.

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Internships.com said Wednesday that 74,040 people have applied to Sheen’s internship position since he posted it Monday. No doubt about 74,039 already are fantasizing about the money they will make from the tell-all book they will write afterwards.

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Lebron James was quoted as saying after Miami’s latest loss “Crazy thing is, we could lose every game and still make the playoffs in the Eastern Conference.” So is that the Heat’s secret plan?

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Illinois has abolished the death penalty. Apparently they feel that just sentencing inmates to life without parole and watching Cubs games is punishment enough.

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Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Zack Greinke will probably begin the season on the disabled list after breaking a rib in a collision going for the ball a pickup basketball game. We all know white men can’t jump. Sounds like they shouldn’t try to rebound either.

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A Missouri high school teacher lost her job after it was discovered she was a porn star over two decades ago.  Yeah, with a scandalous past how was she thinking that she could get away with being a teacher?  Run for office on a GOP family values platform maybe.

Speaking of which, Newt Gingrich is now partly blaming the fact that he cheated on both of his first two wives, (and divorced them when they had cancer and MS respectively)  because he loved his country too much.

 “There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.”

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Kind of makes you wonder what would happen with that “passionate” caring  if Newt had a really stressful job, like being President?

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 To paraphrase Madame Alvarez in the movie “Gigi” – this might be the LEAST “charming and endearing excuse for infidelity I have ever heard”

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I guess that’s why they call it the “poos?”

December 29, 2010

 Elton John, 63, and his husband David Furnish have become parents to a baby boy. Well, give old Elton some credit. At his age at least he’s having a child instead of marrying one.

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Although wait a few years until Elton and David are trying to teach their son to be polite and never use coarse language in public.   Can’t wait to see the look on little Zachary’s face when he figures out that dad not only said the word,  but wrote a song with the title “The Bitch is Back.”

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The Golden State Warriors are sending Palo Alto High and Harvard grad Jeremy Lin to the D (Developmental) League, so he can get some playing time against lesser competition and learn how to be a serious NBA level player. Fans in Sacramento are wondering if the same thing can be done with the entire Kings’ team.

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Scary to think where the Minnesota Vikings might be this season if Brett Favre had decided to stay home and work on his photography skills.

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And for those keeping a list,  maybe we can now add Joe Webb to the long column of names of unheralded quarterbacks who are more effective than former #1 pick Alex Smith.

(or for that matter, Jamarcus Russell.)

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Sue Paterno, the wife of Penn State coach Joe Paterno, 84 said the rumors her husband will resign are “lies,” and his health is fine. Unless, she reportedly added, he decides to emulate Hefner with a 24 year old. Then Joe will be dead.

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It’s been about 2 1/2 years since the AP and others filed “freedom of information” requests for emails from Sarah Palin’s time in office. But the Alaska Governor’s office says they need more time to prepare them, and has asked for a (15th) delay, until May, 2011. Guess Alaska couldn’t afford an automated “spellcheck” program.

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Madame Tussaud’s in London has announced plans for a Kate Middleton wax figure, which will be placed next to her fiance, Prince William, and future brother-in-law Prince Harry.

They are also considering a figure of American superhorse Zenyetta, which would be placed next to Camilla Parker-Bowles.

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Spokesman Kevin Lennon defended the NCAA’s decision to suspend five OSU players for selling memorabilia and getting free tattoos, but also allowing those five to play in the Sugar Bowl: “The notion that the NCAA is selective with its rules enforcement is a tired myth rooted in bias and personal perception.” I think I liked “I did not have sex with that woman” better.

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Benched, bothered and bewildered.

December 17, 2010

So the Redskins benched Donovan McNabb in favor of Rex Grossman.  Wonder how many folks in Chicago are recovering from beer, milk, wine coming out of their nose?

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Michigan State Coach Tom Izzo will sit out Michigan State’s game on Saturday against Prairie View A&M, after receiving a one game suspension for a “secondary” rules violiation involving hiring an associate of a potential recruit.

Really? A one game suspension against Prairie View A&M.  Wonder if the NCAA will also make sure Izzo gets medical attention for that slap on the wrist?

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With the Broncos’ regular QB  Kyle Orton ailing, there is a chance Tim Tebow could start Sunday for Denver. There is some concern that the former Heisman winner may not yet be NFL ready. Although based on their record, neither are the rest of the Broncos.

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The Big 10 has announced they are “reconsidering” their “Leaders” and “Legends” designations for their two new football divisions starting in 2012.

What was their first clue?   All the computer science and engineering students students signing up to play online?

Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany said he was “surprised” by fan reaction, which he referred to as a “90 percent nonapproval rating.”   Yeah, that is surprising.  10 percent of fans like the names?

From Bill Littlejohn”  Suddenly the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim doesn’t sound so bad.

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The Beef O’Brady’s Bowl,  pitting Louisville against Southern Miss, will be played December 21 at Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg,.  Is this some sort of experiment to see if they can find a sporting event that will underdraw the Tampa Bay Rays?

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Yao Ming is out for the year with a stress fracture in this ankle. Which means that Jeremy Lin, from Palo Alto High School and Harvard,  is currently the best Asian player in the NBA.

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Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh will accept the Woody Hayes award for coaching from the Touchdown Club in Columbus in February, and he says he is thrilled bcause “Woody is one of my heroes.” Anyone still think Harbaugh is a frontrunner to coach at Michigan?

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Law and Order – BCS and NFL

December 2, 2010

Auburn and the  NCAA said Cam Newton’s father broke rules.   But while the University declared their quarterback ineligible, the NCAA then immediately reinstated him for the SEC title game this weekend.  How does this make sense?  Because it’s the SEC, of course.

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Anyone want to lay odds on what would have happened if it were say, the TCU quarterback who was in the same situation as Newton?

We actually already know, he’d be cheerleading this weekend.

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Reggie Bush is thinking “Damn, if I just let Dad handle the negotiations.

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There’s a new response for high school and college sports stars who want to keep their eligibility.  “Don’t talk to me, my parents handle all the money issues.”

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Meanwhile, in the NFL, Roger Goddell decided not to suspend Texans star wide receiver Andre Johnson, despite the fact that Johnson was involved in an actual fist fight on the field last Sunday.  Coincidentally the Texans just happen to be on Thursday night football.

Goddell’s talked about a strict discipline policy that will teach players a lesson.  I guess the lesson here is,  just don’t get in any fights before weeks your team is playing a game that will be blacked out.

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And meanwhile,  Derek Anderson, who became a YouTube sensation for his outburst in a post-game press conference Monday night, gave what appeared to be a heartfelt apology Wednesday.

“There is a more professional way I could have handled that. I wasn’t raised that way. My mom and dad didn’t raise me to act like that in times of adversity.”

Translation….  Well, wouldn’t you have liked to listen in on the call Derek probably got from his mom Tuesday morning?

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S.F. Giants fans think they know “torture.”  But 49ers fans get to live with the knowledge that their team bypassed Aaron Rodgers in the 2005 draft in order to take Alex Smith.

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The NCAA’s rationale for reinstating Cam Newton is that there isn’t enough evidence that he knew he was being “shopped.” Yet ESPN reported two recruiters said he told them his dad chose Auburn because “the money was too much.” Even the O.J. jurors are saying “This guy got away with murder.”

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Men are especially glad Cyber Monday is over.  Wonder how many tried to alternate shopping with looking at porn and accidentally ordered their wives inflatable dolls for Christmas?

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An ESPN executive, Norby Williamson, said he does not think Jon Gruden will take the head coaching job at the University of Miami – “He is in year 2 of a long-term contract, and we expect Jon to be on ‘Monday Night Football’ doing what he’s been doing for a long time to come.”  Translation, or at least until he gets a better offer.

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If openly gay men and women in the military is such a problem, why aren’t the same people fighting the repeal of DADT talking about the issue of gays in TSA, or going through security lines? Wouldn’t same-sex gay patdowns be just as much of a potential danger/distraction

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The Los Angeles Lakers lost their fourth game in a row Wednesday night. Who do they think they are? The Miami Heat?

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Great riddle from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times:

Q: What do you get when you cross NASCAR with the Miami Heat?

A: The Daytona Barely .500

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Dumb and dumber – yet again

September 4, 2010

The NCAA in action: Jeremiah Masoli won his waiver appeal and will be able to play for Ole Miss this year, after he enrolled in the school’s Parks and Recreation graduate program. The former Oregon QB convinced them that he was a student-athlete “who transferred for academic reasons to pursue graduate studies, not to avoid disciplinary measures.”

(The NCAA’s excuse for the waiver, “Massoli was only kicked off the team for his brushes with the law, not expelled from the University) And we wonder how NFL players get the idea that rules don’t apply to them.”)

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Of course, the whole Masoli story just lends credence to a theory that many people have long suspected – the NCAA is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the SEC.

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BCS champions Ohio State opened their season with a 45-7 rout of Marshall. Guess Vassar wasn’t available?

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Apparently one sign that Arizona police are using to locate potential illegal immigrants is a poor command of the English language. Governor Brewer had now better not go out without her identification.

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Sarah Palin is slamming “impotent, limp and gutless” reporters after a Vanity Fair article claimed she had a “mean temper.”

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Meanwhile, Bristol Palin appeared on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno” Friday night to talk about her decision to go on “Dancing with the Stars.” And this is the young woman who broke up with Levi Johnston for the second time because he was “just obsessed with the limelight.”

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In Colorado gubernatorial Dan Maes has said that a Denver bike-sharing program is a “well-designed plot” that is converting Denver into a United Nations community.” He added “This is bigger than it looks like on the surface, and it could threaten our personal freedoms.”

Leaving aside a number of things, like logic, does anyone actually believe the UN is capable of a well-designed plot?

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Kat Von D is now dating Sandra Bullock’s ex-husband Jesse James, and says she believes he is “the one.” Stay tuned for the next installment of “Tattoed women, foolish choices.”

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The Nationals’ Nyjer Morgan has ended up with an eight-game suspension following three aggressive incidents, which culminated in him charging the mound and inciting a brawl between Washington and the Florida Marlins. On the bright side, Morgan’s been offered a tryout on defense with the Washington Redskins.

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Carly Fiorina has finally announced she has decided to support Prop 23, which suspends California’s global-warming initiative. (She’s only been running for Senate since last November.) If it takes her 10 months to decide on one proposition, how long will it take her to decide how to vote if she is elected to the Senate?

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from my funny friend Jim Barach: “President Obama said in his address to the nation on Tuesday night that U.S. has ended its combat role in Iraq and it’s now time to “turn the page.”

So now he has done two things President Bush never accomplished. Ending a war and turning a page.

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Dignity, what dignity?

July 28, 2010

Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell criticized Barack Obama for agreeing to appear on “the View” because he feels “there should be a little bit of dignity to the presidency.” Right, after George W. Bush who gave the German Chancellor a neck rub, and Bill Clinton, who, well, do we really need to go there…?-

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The scandal continues in Bell, California, where top city officials were paid hundreds of thousands a year while the small town cut services and low-wage jobs. Normally the only people who are that overpaid in Southern California have signed long-term contracts with the Dodgers.

(or are named Lane Kiffin)

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Lane Kiffin said he was surprised that the Titans are suing him over his stealth hiring of their former assistant coach, saying “I didn’t anticipate this. No one would have.” Sounds like the Trojans found a true successor to Pete Carroll.

But let’s see here, seriously, Carroll alleges he was perhaps the only person in the world who didn’t know that USC was probably going on probation for recruiting violations. Kiffin now says he might have been the only person in football who didn’t realize he was committing several violations in hiring Kennedy Pola from the Titans.

So is it time to change the name of the school to University of the Seriously Clueless?

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Despite his mother’s having paid an “Unaccompanied Minor” fee, a 9 year old boy travelling from SF was forgotten in a children’s waiting room at O’Hare for almost 8 hours when no one came to pick him up for his Chicago Ottawa flight. Is this what United calls a “minor” problem?

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No word on the rumor that United’s Airline’s alleged first response was “You paid an unaccompanied minor fee…we left him unaccompanied.”

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Baseball players already face derision from players of other sports as not being “real athletes.” While I would disagree with that assessment, it would help if players would avoid injuries while doing things like putting on their shirts and hitting teammates with shaving cream pies.

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Meanwhile on a more serious note, this year, all NFL team locker rooms with have a poster saying that players should report concussions or symptoms, and warning that repeated concussions “can change your life and your family’s life forever.” How about a simpler and more to the point message? “Playing football is hazardous to your health.”
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But okay, once again, who came up with the baseball statistic “Quality Start?” (6 or more innings, 3 or less earned runs.) That’s a 4.50 ERA folks. It’s like saying .250 is a “Quality Batting Average.”

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Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin are apparently going to go on a camping trip to be filmed for an episode of Kate’s new TLC reality show. Wonder what the episode will be titled? “Dumb and Dumber” has already been taken. (My friend Michael Duca suggests, “Twit and Twitter.)
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Ohio State University says former football star Maurice Clarett has been granted admission again to complete his degree after he spent more than three years in prison.

Things will be a little different on campus for the man who once led the Buckeyes to a national championship….wonder if anyone’s told him yet about books and classes.

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Sports and other distractions.

July 23, 2010

One of the University of California’s top football recruits, Chris Martin, has decided to transfer to Florida. Apparently he says being at Cal would have meant too many distractions – like classes.

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As the list of players and schools grows in the NCAA investigation of that big agent-sponsored Memorial Day party at the Fountainebleau hotel in Miami, one common refrain is emerging from all of those protesting innocence – “I did NOT take my talents to South Beach.”
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Now New Orleans point guard Chris Paul wants to be traded to the New York Knicks so he can play with Amare Stoudemire and someday Carmelo Anthony. So when exactly did the NBA become a bunch of guys choosing sides on the playground?

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But to be fair to Paul, maybe he just feels New York would offer him a more exciting atmosphere, while still avoiding all that playoff pressure.

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Bristol Palin told US Weekly that her mother is not happy about her upcoming marriage. So any day now expect to read this Shakespearian tweet – “How sharper than a grizzly’s tooth to have a thankless child. You betcha.”

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The bat that Pete Rose used to get his final hit sold at auction for only $158,776. Rose was pretty upset. The all-time MLB hit leader had long ago sold the bat, but had bet it would go for at least $200,000.
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First Lady Michelle Obama went to an Orioles game in Baltimore to pitch her childhood obesity “Let’s Move” campaign. Said Baltimore fans “Sounds like a great idea, just how far away can we move this team?”

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Palo Alto’s Jeremy Lin signed a two year contract with the Golden State Warriors. Okay, let’s be real – a couple weeks ago most people would have said that you would be more likely to see a basketball fan in Cleveland still wearing a Lebron jersey, than to see an Asian-American point guard from Harvard in the NBA.

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The Beach Boys may reunite for a 50th anniversary tour. Of course now all their “California Girls” have become the “Little Old Ladies from Pasadena.”

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A United flight hit sudden turbulence resulting in passengers being thrown around the cabin. It was the third United plane to experience such a sudden drop this year. The airline is now apparently in negotiations with Six Flags to turn the experience into a paid thrill ride.

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BP admitted Thursday that they have removed another substantially altered photo on their Gulf of Mexico oil disaster website. The company added that they have now told their contract photographers not to do any more Photoshopping on the site.

So what did the these photographers do before hiring on at BP? Work with supermodels?

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Independence Day.

July 3, 2010

According to a recent poll, 1 in 4 Americans do not know who the U.S. declared independence from. Curiously enough, that’s about the same number of people who think Sarah Palin is qualified to be president.

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For that matter, wonder how many folks in the U.S. think it’s a holiday that honors summer movies. Actually, I’d love is a poll that asked Americans what we celebrate on the Fourth of July? Why do I have a feeling we’d get some interesting answers.

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At this point you have to figure for many Americans it’s just Cinco de Mayo without the tequila.

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In Chicago, the REAL Independence Day is often when Cubs fans officially stop agonizing about the current season and plan for next year.

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Damon Evans, the athletic director at the University of Georgia, was arrested and charged with DUI, while in a car with a young woman who was not his wife. And he apparently repeatedly urged the police officer to let him off or just give him a warning because of his position. The police report stated he said “I am not trying to bribe you but I am the athletic director of the University of Georgia.”

On Thursday Evans stated in a news conference: “My behavior and my actions are not indicative of what we teach our student athletes.” Actually, given the number of arrests for NCAA, NFL and NBA players alone, it seems this may be exactly what they teach their student athletes.

The New York Knicks are trying to encourage LeBron James to sign with them and “make a billion dollars.” Not to mention the money he can make during the playoffs for the rest of his NBA career as an television analyst.

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Kentucky Coach John Calipari is under investigation by the NCAA AGAIN. You now have to wonder, why don’t the Los Angeles Clippers hire him? At least Calipari has success with paid players.

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Speaking of money, the NCAA has announced their March Madness tournament will expand next year from 65 to 68 teams. What a relief for those teams who have been seeded 66, 67 and 68, and who just KNOW they could have played their way into the Final Four.

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Paris Hilton appeared in court in South African Friday after being arrested earlier in the day and charged with marijuana possession. You know, when you’re that wealthy, aren’t you supposed to be able to hire staff to carry your pot?

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A small silver lining in the SF Giants’ seven game losing streak. At least fans haven’t had to be stressed out by Brian Wilson’s tightrope-walking saves.

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Who’d have thought a year ago that the PGA and networks televising tournaments would be thrilled just to have Tiger make the cut?

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And on the subject of Tiger, from the very funny Jim Barach: “Tiger Woods is ranked #5 on the Forbes Celebrity 100 list. He was at #5 last year, too. Only then he was on the list as a golfer.”

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New math?

June 12, 2010

The Big 10 has 12 teams. The Big 12 has 10. And for now the Pac 10 has 11. And we wonder why college athletes have trouble with math?

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Colorado to the Pac 10, Nebraska to the Big 10. For starters. And the NCAA is sanctioning USC because their student-athletes somehow got the idea that college football is about money.

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Reader Gary Morton sent in this great idea, though he doesn’t know who wrote it, ” the NCAA should ban USC’s band from playing ‘Conquest’ all 4 years they’re on probation. (“Conquest”, for the unitiated is the USC fight song…)

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Saturday is the World Cup match between England and the U.S. A match eagerly awaited by the British for months, and for American sports fans, since, well, “Baseball’s not on until mid-afternoon, Tiger’s not playing golf, and the Lakers-Celtics are Sunday night. So what’s on?”

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California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina now says about her famous “So yesterday” comment about Barbara Boxer that SHE personally wasn’t dissing her opponent’s hair, but was just “quoting a friend.” Hey Carly, if you’re going to be catty, woman up about it.

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And speaking of catty, what would I give to know what Carly thinks about Meg Whitman’s hairstyle?

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At least we won’t have to worry about a hair debate in the gubernatorial race. Jerry Brown won’t notice that Meg Whitman’s style hasn’t changed since he was governor and she was in high school. Ands she won’t diss his hair because he doesn’t have any.

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The 16 year old girl trying to sail around the world solo has apparently been located and is safe after a distress call was triggered by 20 hours of complete silence. And parents of teenagers around the world are thinking “How could they tell anything was wrong? 20 hours of complete silence sounds normal to us.

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Meanwhile U.S. ratings for the last game of the Stanley Cup finals between the Chicago Blackhawks and the Philadelphia Flyers were the highest since 1974. Or 1974 Americans watched the game. Or both.

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Mike Huckabee, a once and probably future Republican presidential candidate, took on fellow Republican and Indiana governor saying we should call a “truce” on social issues. Huckabee stated that the “issues of life and traditional marriage,” are not “bargaining chips nor are they political issues;” they are the “the basic premises of our civilization.”

If “traditional marriage” is a basic premise of civilization, then it might be time to put Mark Sanford, Robert Ensign, and yes, John Edwards, on the terrorist watch list.

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Hoppin’ along the Bunny trail…

April 2, 2010

In Glendale, California, police officers used a policeman in a bunny outfit to decoy bad drivers at crosswalks and to cite those who didn’t stop. Good thing they didn’t try this with Sarah Palin in town, she might have shot him.

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A twisted thought for Easter weekend – Love may fade, but marshmallow peeps are forever.
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The roughest part of this weekend for President Obama is his youngest daughter being old enough that he has to tell her there’s no Easter bunny. This might be one of the saddest moments in the White House since Dick Cheney told George W. there’s no Santa Claus.
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The White House Easter Egg Roll is Monday. It’s one of the events George W. Bush misses the most now that he is not President. But Laura is coloring some eggs to roll for him.

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The man who was first in line waiting for the iPhone at the New York City Apple Store in 2007 is back. He is now the first person waiting in line for Saturday’s release of the iPad. Let me guess, he didn’t have to cancel a date to do this.

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Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers says he “forgot” he had a loaded gun in his carry-on bag at the airport. And they accuse women of not knowing what’s in our purses.

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The latest opposition to the Oakland As moving to San Jose comes from the San Jose Sharks. I guess they don’t want another team around that actually wins games in May.

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The best thing about all this hype about Butler playing a home game in the Final Four. It allows all the fair-weather bandwagon jumpers to assert, “Yes, they do know the team they are rooting for, and they actually know where it’s located.”

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Can’t yet believe that the NCAA wants to expand March Madness to 96 teams. With college-level basketball play already at its worst level in recent memory. On the bright side, maybe there will be room for the New Jersey Nets.

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The Nets are so happy that they actually have won 10 games. Out of a 82 game season. At this point that puts them only three regular season wins behind the New Orleans Saints.

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Wholier than Now Foods?

March 29, 2010

Went into Whole Foods today to pick up one thing, and ended up with several items. And of course hadn’t brought a reusable bag. with me. Felt as out of place as a Prius owner with a McCain-Palin bumpersticker.

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And MAYBE it was just my imagination, but the look the checkers give you when you have to admit that you didn’t bring a bag with you… suffice it to say if they didn’t go to Jewish Mother guilt school, they took the correspondence course.

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Butler, West Virginia, Michigan State, Duke. At this point perfect final four brackets are scarcer than an African-American at a Tea Party rally.

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Watching the Blue Devils win to head back to the Final Four. Have to wonder…. where on Duke’s campus is that increasingly decrepit painting of Coach K. hidden?

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Giglish.com used this joke from a few months back as a “repeat joke” for Sunday, so I’ll repeat it here:

A 40 year old Ohio man has just achieved the first perfect score in the nearly thirty year history of the video game Pac-Man. His next challenge – going out on his first date.
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Love this line from Gloria Brantley-Reed: “Conversation is three women sitting together talking. Gossip is when one of them leaves.”

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Back to the Tea Party, and an open note to all activists. The original Boston Tea Party was about “taxation without representation” from Britain and the protesters’ right to be taxed only by representatives they had elected. Sorry folks, you may not like their decisions, but no foreign country elected congress.

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And finally, billionaire Steve Poizner is complaining about fellow billionaire Meg Whitman trying to buy the election because so far she is spending more millions than he is….

Brings to mind the story of the well-dressed man who approaches a lovely lady and asks if she will go to bed with him for $1,000,000? After she sizes him up, she finally says, $1 million, for real? Yes. I would do that.”

Then he asks “What about $50.” And she angrily retorts – “What kind of a woman do you think I am.”

And he replies “We’ve already settled that, now we’re just haggling price.”

Note to Poizner, on the subject of buying elections, you and Whitman are also just haggling price.

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A few Saturday thoughts…

October 10, 2009

Memphis is appealing the NCAA’s decision to strip all the university’s basketball wins in 2007-08 because their star player faked an SAT test. Yes, heaven forbid the one academic year that Derrick Rose spent at Memphis before he left for the NBA be tainted.

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NASA says its moon bombing was a success. Said Dick Cheney – “An unprovoked, successful missile strike – where do I sign up?”

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Unfortunately for Colorado fans, the Phillies-Rockies game was postponed by snow. Unfortunately for St Louis fans, the Dodgers-Cardinal game wasn’t.
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President Obama just took home the Nobel Peace Prize. Considering the ratings jump David Letterman is getting from all his mea culpas about sleeping with staffers, can we say he is taking home the “Piece Prize?”

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