Opening night…

Posted April 5, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Yes, baseball season has officially started. With the Yankees vs. the Red Sox on ESPN Sunday night. So good of the league to use a high profile opening Sunday night game to showcase two small market teams.

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The Yankees’ actually blew a 5-1 lead in the opening game of the season, as the Red Sox eventually got to C.C. Sabathia for five runs and then tacked on four more against New York relievers. Which wasn’t that upsetting to Yankees fans. They’ll just start looking to buy a new bullpen.

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Bud Selig has a new committee to find ways to improve Major League Baseball. Here’s hoping their first selection is “Get rid of Bud Selig.”

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Back to basketball: On Easter Sunday, as Butler prepared for the NCAA tournament final, the team prayed for another miracle – like the referees calling fouls on Duke.

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Throughout the NCAA’ tournament, teams and players have credited God for their success. And today God responded “Don’t look at me, I sure didn’t have Duke-Butler.”

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The official drink of the NCAA Final Four this year is Coke Zero. How appropriate – Zero is about the number of people with even reasonably accurate brackets.

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Anything can happen, but anyone else think after watching this weekend’s game that the real national championship ought to be between the Duke men and the UConn women?
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Question for the night – Which black leader now has a bigger mess to try to clean up in Washington – Barack Obama or Donovan McNabb?

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Sunday headline on SI.com -“Tiger makes low-key arrival at Augusta National.” I guarantee this will be the only time this week the words “Tiger” and low-key” will be used in the same sentence

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Brook Lopez left Stanford early to play for the New Jersey Nets. Winners now of 11 games. And had he only stayed at Stanford he might have led the this year’s team all the way to the NIT.

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This will only make sense to “House” fans. But actor Kai Penn is apparently leaving his White House job. Which means Kutner died for nothing.

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A subtle classy joke from Alex Kaseberg: John Edwards’s mistress, Rielle Hunter, said she doesn’t like the word “mistress.” Maybe she would prefer the term: adulterer hose-bag skank-bucket?

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Happy Easter.

Posted April 4, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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For many Americans, Easter is the holiest day on the calendar. Well, besides Opening Day.

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Congratulations to Butler. But how young is their coach Brad Stevens? He had to cut his post-game celebrations off early to get home to wait for the Easter Bunny.

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Butler won 52 to 50 despite going almost 11 minutes without a field goal. At one point many fans were checking to see if there was a hockey game on a different channel in hopes of seeing some actual scoring.
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Congrats also to the Cal women, who won the NIT women’s basketball title game 73-61 over Miami. So what do you yell when you win the NIT? “We’re number 65?!”

Groaner time…

It’s the time of year when many Americans, not only children, are dreaming of chocolate eggs and rabbits. And realizing, “you’re nobunny ’til somebunny loves you.”
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Okay, who thought this would happen simultaneously in our lifetimes? The President of the United States is black…and most of the players on the NCAA men’s basketball teams playing for the national championship are white.

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Apparently Callaway Golf will award a full set of its new Diablo Edge clubs to any player in major league baseball who hits a home run at least 470 feet. But what about those other players they couldn’t do it without – Pitchers. Shouldn’t they have a chance to win a prize for giving up such a home run? Barry Zito could end up with this own driving range.

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Actually, another interesting question about these prizes for home runs. How long before Calloway limits the prize to home runs NOT hit at Yankee Stadium?

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Rudy Giuliani is trying to pay back Governor Charlie Crist for not endorsing him in the Florida presidential primary, by endorsing Crist’s conservative opponent, Marco Rubio, in the Republican Senate primary. Well that ought to help Rubio with the Floridians who voted for Giuliani, both of them.

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From Bill Littlejohn, after Carrie Underwood, engaged to NHL player Mike Fisher, announced that the ring bearer will be her pet Chihuahua: “So who’s catering the wedding, Taco Bell?”

(and I have to wonder, what’s the title of the wedding video going to be? Legally Married Blonde? )

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Hoppin’ along the Bunny trail…

Posted April 2, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: sports jokes, Uncategorized
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In Glendale, California, police officers used a policeman in a bunny outfit to decoy bad drivers at crosswalks and to cite those who didn’t stop. Good thing they didn’t try this with Sarah Palin in town, she might have shot him.

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A twisted thought for Easter weekend – Love may fade, but marshmallow peeps are forever.
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The roughest part of this weekend for President Obama is his youngest daughter being old enough that he has to tell her there’s no Easter bunny. This might be one of the saddest moments in the White House since Dick Cheney told George W. there’s no Santa Claus.
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The White House Easter Egg Roll is Monday. It’s one of the events George W. Bush misses the most now that he is not President. But Laura is coloring some eggs to roll for him.

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The man who was first in line waiting for the iPhone at the New York City Apple Store in 2007 is back. He is now the first person waiting in line for Saturday’s release of the iPad. Let me guess, he didn’t have to cancel a date to do this.

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Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers says he “forgot” he had a loaded gun in his carry-on bag at the airport. And they accuse women of not knowing what’s in our purses.

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The latest opposition to the Oakland As moving to San Jose comes from the San Jose Sharks. I guess they don’t want another team around that actually wins games in May.

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The best thing about all this hype about Butler playing a home game in the Final Four. It allows all the fair-weather bandwagon jumpers to assert, “Yes, they do know the team they are rooting for, and they actually know where it’s located.”

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Can’t yet believe that the NCAA wants to expand March Madness to 96 teams. With college-level basketball play already at its worst level in recent memory. On the bright side, maybe there will be room for the New Jersey Nets.

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The Nets are so happy that they actually have won 10 games. Out of a 82 game season. At this point that puts them only three regular season wins behind the New Orleans Saints.

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How embarrassing.

Posted April 2, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Apparently the Republican National Committee accidentally listed a phone-sex number on a fundraising letter sent to potential donors. And across America husbands are telling wives who found their credit card statements “Really, honey, I was just trying to donate to the Republicans.”

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The RNC accidentally listed a phone sex number on one of their fundraising solicitations. How potentially embarrassing! There are now all these phone sex workers who are afraid their parents might think they work for the Republican party.

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California senate candidate Carly Fiorina was embarrassed earlier this week by sending a Passover greeting to her supporters which talked about “breaking bread” with friends and families. (Leavened bread is prohibited during Passover)

Fiorina apologized if any of her Jewish supporters and staff were offended, and said that in honor of the holiday, she promised to order all her campaign offices a specially made lunch of matzo-crusted pepperoni pizza.

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Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers was arrested at the Cleveland Airport when TSA officials found a loaded .45-caliber hand gun in his carry-on bag. Even Gilbert Arenas said “Dude, what were you THINKING?”

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So what was the origin of April Fool’s Day? One guess, it started at Wrigley Field on Opening Day when a sellout crowd all insisted “This is our year to win it all.”

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Of course, how many people in Chicago think that “Passover” just commemorates another year that a championship has passed over the Cubs?

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According to Butler coach Brad Stevens, even though his local team is staying at a hotel Thursday and Friday night before their first Final Four game, the players still were shuttled to class Thursday and Friday morning. Said Duke’s Coach K and Michigan State’s Tom Izzo. “That’s discipline.” Said West Virginia’s Bob Huggins “What’s class?”

(For four of the years when Huggins was at Cincinnati he had a ZERO graduation rate.)

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President Obama apparently had a very productive conversation with Chinese President Hu about the nuclear summit while Air Force One was idling on the ground at Andrews Air Force Base. If talking from a plane on the tarmac produces good results, just think what Obama could accomplish if he started flying JetBlue

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Watching an ad for California Prop 16 – “Taxpayers’ Right to Vote” – which aims to keep cities and counties out of the power business. It’s backed by P G & E. Why does it seem like any time “Taxpayers’ Rights” are invoked in a proposition, it means big money for some corporation?

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Taking back the country…

Posted April 1, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Listening to all these white, mostly male Tea Partiers talking about cutting all government programs and “Taking back our country.” And I have to think, take it back where…. to the 1700s?
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Meg Whitman is fond of saying California is broken. And her way to fix it is to a elect a successful personable Republican with new ideas but without real political experience. Uh, been there, done that.

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Republicans are all making a big issue out of the idea that there is too much government intervention in our lives, and that the government ought to leave Americans alone to make their own decisions. Which means of course they will be supporting the ballot initiative in California to legalize marijuana….. Oops, never mind.
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One of Tiger Woods’ fellow tour members, Fred Couples is going to practice with him before the Masters. This is one of those headlines, however, that will read better than it will sound on the radio – ‘Tiger plays a round with Couples.”

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Watched some GOP pundits and elected officials say through clenched teeth that they approved of the President’s new offshore oil drilling plan. Can’t tell if Obama makes Republicans angrier when he does something “liberal and out of touch” or when he actually agrees with them.

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Good news for Toronto Maple Leafs fans. The team will unveil new, better looking jerseys next year. Bad news. The Jerseys will have the same old Leafs in them.

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The Toronto Maple Leafs were officially eliminated from the playoffs. In related news, Ricky Martin is still gay.

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Slouching towards opening day..

Posted March 31, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Barack Obama will throw out the ceremonial first pitch for the Washington Nationals’ home opener against the Phillies on April 5. If he gets it over the plate the Nats may immediately sign him for the opening day roster.

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President Obama will throw out the first pitch for the Washington Nationals’ home opener on April 5. The Tea Party people are, however, staying away from this one. Not even the most hardened conservative could say with a straight face that government invention could make the Nats any worse.
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The New York Yankees have an ambidextrous pitcher, Pat Venditte, in camp, and he threw with both arms in a game against the Braves on Tuesday. So just how many times in an at-bat do he and a switch-hitter get to change their minds?

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Mayflower Madam” (and St. Mary’s in Moraga graduate) Kristin Davis says she is now running for Governor of New York. Davis, who formerly “supplied” Eliot Spitzer with women, says she wants to legalize and tax both marijuana and prostitution. Well, if she is elected, at least the state won’t have any surprise sex scandals.

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Secretary of state Ame Duncan said in a CNN interview that he is worried about some student athletes who are “simply used by by their universities to produce revenue.” The NCAA denied these allegations and reminded all fans to purchase their Final Four t-shirts online at NCAA.com

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Another reason we love Coach Tara VanDerveer: After the Stanford women won at the buzzer to get to the final four, a shot following two impossibly easy missed layups by Xavier, one of the players stated:. “That’s got to be divine intervention.” Tara’s response – “I believe God has better things to be doing,”

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Wonder why Ricky Martin chose this week to say he was gay? Maybe he figured the news would go unnoticed while people focused on the equally shocking new study that found Yankees players were the highest paid professional athletes.

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The Oakland Raiders are rumored to be trying to deal for Donovan McNabb, but the Eagles want a top draft pick. Shame Oakland can’t make the deal by giving Philadelphia one of their recent top draft picks.

(like Jamarcus Russell or Darrius Hayward-Bey.)

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As Jesse James becomes the latest celebrity husband to head into rehab, one question comes to mind. Will we ever see one of these guys decide they need help BEFORE they get caught by the tabloids?

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Larry Ellison is thinking of buying the Golden State Warriors, a team with consistently great attendance and consistently bad to mediocre results in the actual games. What, were the Cubs not available?

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And it’s Al Gore’s birthday today, March 31. Not to say Al’s getting up there, but Tipper is leaving the candles off his cake to help reduce global warming.

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March madness – chick version.

Posted March 30, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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So Xavier and Stanford played a exciting game to get to the women’s final four, which the top-seeded Cardinal won 55-53 on a buzzer-beating lay-up by Jeanette Pohlen. Both teams, however, missed basket after basket, and ended up shooting the low 30 percent range from the floor.

Forget the congratulatory call from President Obama, with shooting like that, both teams played like they wanted a call from former V.P. Dick Cheney.

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In fact, the Stanford women played one of their worst games of the season against Xavier, shooting 32 % from the floor. And won only after a Xavier player missed two easy layups, and Jeanette Pohlen was able to drive with four seconds left for a buzzer-beating layup of her own. This wasn’t just pulling a rabbit out of a hat, this was pulling a dead rabbit out of a hat and resuscitating it.

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Over in the other Elite Eight matchup, Duke was upset by Baylor. The Bears were led by Brittney Griner, the talented 6’8″ freshman who is probably best known for both for being able to dunk, and for being suspended for punching another player. Wonder had she played yesterday, if the Baylor men would have upset Duke too.

The New Jersey Nets avoided a tie for an NBA worst ever season tonight by beating the playoff-bound Spurs. Might be one of the worst losses in San Antonio history not involving the Alamo.

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Shocking news of the day. Ricky Martin has admitted he’s gay. What’s next, Nancy Pelosi admitting she’s had “a little work done?”

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The Tea Party Express is heading off on a 43 city cross-country anti-government bus tour. Well, I sure hope they are staying off the federally-funded interstate highways.

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A New York State Senator, Eric Adams, has launched a campaign to discourage kids from wearing saggy pants. He released a YouTube video urging the younger generation to “pull their pants up.” Shame he didn’t have a campaign earlier urging Eliot Spitzer and David Paterson to “keep their pants up.”

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Apparently the Republican National Committee spent $2000 in February at “Voyeur,” which describes itself as a high-end nightclub” with “impromptu bondage and S and M scenes.” Hmm. And they criticize the Democrats “stimulus package?!!.”

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No one will admit with the RNC who exactly spent the money at “Voyeur,” so we don’t know exactly whose package was being stimulated.

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Shocked Republicans acknowledge it could be worse. The RNC at least spent the money at perhaps the only strip club in West Hollywood that features women.

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From Bill Littlejohn:

“First it was Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlesberger who faced an assault charge and now his favorite receiver, Santonio Holmes is being sued for battery. While they’re not baseball players, does this still make them them assault and battery mates?”

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Wholier than Now Foods?

Posted March 29, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Went into Whole Foods today to pick up one thing, and ended up with several items. And of course hadn’t brought a reusable bag. with me. Felt as out of place as a Prius owner with a McCain-Palin bumpersticker.

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And MAYBE it was just my imagination, but the look the checkers give you when you have to admit that you didn’t bring a bag with you… suffice it to say if they didn’t go to Jewish Mother guilt school, they took the correspondence course.

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Butler, West Virginia, Michigan State, Duke. At this point perfect final four brackets are scarcer than an African-American at a Tea Party rally.

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Watching the Blue Devils win to head back to the Final Four. Have to wonder…. where on Duke’s campus is that increasingly decrepit painting of Coach K. hidden?

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Giglish.com used this joke from a few months back as a “repeat joke” for Sunday, so I’ll repeat it here:

A 40 year old Ohio man has just achieved the first perfect score in the nearly thirty year history of the video game Pac-Man. His next challenge – going out on his first date.
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Love this line from Gloria Brantley-Reed: “Conversation is three women sitting together talking. Gossip is when one of them leaves.”

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Back to the Tea Party, and an open note to all activists. The original Boston Tea Party was about “taxation without representation” from Britain and the protesters’ right to be taxed only by representatives they had elected. Sorry folks, you may not like their decisions, but no foreign country elected congress.

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And finally, billionaire Steve Poizner is complaining about fellow billionaire Meg Whitman trying to buy the election because so far she is spending more millions than he is….

Brings to mind the story of the well-dressed man who approaches a lovely lady and asks if she will go to bed with him for $1,000,000? After she sizes him up, she finally says, $1 million, for real? Yes. I would do that.”

Then he asks “What about $50.” And she angrily retorts – “What kind of a woman do you think I am.”

And he replies “We’ve already settled that, now we’re just haggling price.”

Note to Poizner, on the subject of buying elections, you and Whitman are also just haggling price.

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A couple basketball and commie pinko thoughts…

Posted March 28, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

What’s more surprising to most college basketball fans? To find out that Butler has made it to the Final Four to play in their home town of Indianapolis? Or to learn that Butler is actually in the state of Indiana, much less Indianapolis?

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Bob Huggins, coach of Final Four-bound West Virginia, was the longtime coach at Cincinnati before he was forced out over issues involving a DUI and an abysmal graduation rate. Just how abysmal? He is coaching about as many players who will graduate from Cincinnati today as when he was coaching the Bearcats.

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Meanwhile, on the women’s side, Stanford beat Georgia 73-36, and it wasn’t that close, while Connecticut puts their 74 game win-streak on the line Sunday against Iowa State.

Many fans are hoping for a Stanford-Connecticut final. In the meantime, most of the other games involving these two top seeds are most evocative of a old classic match-up -Christians vs. Lions.

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Another in the – “there is no satire” department. Sarah Paln travelled to Nevada today to lead another anti-healthcare anti government rally today. No mention of the fact that her grandson Tripp, because of a trace of Indian heritage, receives fully government paid healthcare in Alaska.

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I’m also waiting for the first Tea Party bus to really uphold their principles, and drive between rallies without using any of those commie-pinko interstate highways.

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A top Marine Corp officer said that he would not want other Marines to have to live with someone homosexual, so while normally two are housed to a room, he would want new barracks built so gays could have their own singles. Which means that probably over half the Marines now will declare themselves out of the closet.

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Got to love it, folks like Diana Reimer, 67, who was profiled in in the NY Times as a Tea Party leader. She quit her job and living on Medicare and Social Security, (which she says she has earned,) so she can spread an anti-government message full time. She has stated: “Even if I wanted to stop, I just can’t,” Even Toyota says “That’s out of control.”

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More embarrassment from Washington?

Posted March 27, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Yes, I know that title might be redundant.

But Gilbert Arenas, the Washington Wizards star who pled guilty after bringing four guns into the locker room, was sentenced today to 30 days in a halfway house, plus probation and community service. The judge could have handed down a much tougher sentence, like returning to play for the Wizards.

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Arenas does actually seem contrite at this point, and may actually finally realize the gravity of his actions. For example, after sentencing, could have included jail time, he did NOT tell the media that he felt he had “dodged a bullet.”

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Many fans of improbably basketball stories have been disappointed by the Sweet Sixteen games in this year’s tournament. Which after a wild first weekend featured relatively few surprises.

On the other hand, it would be hard to top the true basketball shocker of the weekend – The New Jersey Nets have won two straight.

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President Obama’s second choice to head the Transportation Security Agency withdrew his name from consideration today, two months after the President’s first choice also withdrew. (No doubt too, many other candidates didn’t even make it through the initial process.)

And here Obama probably figured that with Air Force One the one thing he wouldn’t have to deal with was TSA hassles

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A British researcher claims that men raised by nannies are more likely to cheat because they get the idea as little boys that they should have more than one woman to take care of their needs And all over England, people are exclaiming, “Mary Poppins, you homewrecker.”

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Looks like “24” is in the midst of its last season on television, Although instead of a true final episode, the series may continue on just to finish with a two hour movie. In that case, shouldn’t they change the show’s name to “26?”

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Many observers took the fact that John McCain asked Sarah Palin to campaign with him as a sign that he has forgiven all the presidential campaign issues, and all the problems Palin caused. Could be. Or more likely, McCain just doesn’t remember.

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Omar Samhan, the talkative star of the St. Mary’s Gaels., turns out to be a serious Taylor Swift fan. In fact, during an interview, he said to the cameras, “I love you Taylor, you should call me.” Unfortunately, the only callback he got was from Kanye West.

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Chet Simmons, the first president of ESPN, died this week at the age of 81. No word on a cause of death; maybe he had Kansas-Villanova in the finals.

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California dreaming…

Posted March 26, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh actually tweeted this “I realize I’ve never had one. When we win the Rose Bowl I’m going to treat the team and myself to a DQ banana split. Wonder how long it will take the NCAA to investigate this as a possible illegal player payment program.

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Sarah Palin is actually going to host a show featuring Alaska wildlife. No word on whether it will be fried, roasted, or barbecued.

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How trashed are most Americans’ NCAA tournament brackets? Worker productivity for the last week in March is at an all time high.
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We may never know for sure what exactly happened between Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger and his latest accuser. But it does seem likely that Ben’s “dating skills” are never going to get him invited to be a contestant on “the Bachelor.”

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In 1928, Otto Frederick Rohwedder invented the bread slicer. So what did they say it was the greatest thing since…?

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John McCain is really upset about the passage of the healthcare bill by the Democrats. In fact, he made the following statement on behalf of his fellow Republicans “There will be no cooperation for the rest of the year.”

Yes John, and your point is…?

(If he really does believe what he said that could settle it, McCain really was too senile to be elected President.)

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Speaking of old, Sir Elton John turned 63 on Thursday. He can still sing “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road,” but now it’s because he can’t remember the way back.

And Stephen Tyler of Aerosmith turns 62 today. In his honor, the “Rock and Roll Coaster” at Disney World, which is a high speed ride in fake convertible cars themed to Aerosmith songs, will mostly operate as normal. But the cars will go through the turns and loops with their left blinkers on.

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Pope Benedict XVI has been accused of, (back while he was still Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger), helping to stop an investigation of a Wisconsin priest accused of molesting over 200 deaf boys. This is the most embarrassing story to hit the Vatican since last week

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Move over Denver….

Posted March 25, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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California voters could legalize marijuana this November. So much for the “Mile High City,” we could become the “Mile High State.”

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An initiative to legalize and regulate marijuana for personal use has qualified for the ballot in California this November. Which may help explain why the San Francisco Giants were able to sign Tim Lincecum to a long-term contract.

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or – nonsports version –

An initiative to legalize and regulate marijuana for personal use has qualified for the ballot in California this November. Which could make the state the first to do away with high crimes and misdemeanors.

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NFL officials have expressed concern because as many as a third of potential first round draft picks have admitted marijuana use. Wow. Next thing we’ll be hearing is that some of these players didn’t go to college for the academics either.

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Although, on second thought regarding that story of the NFL being concerned about about a third of potential first-rounders admitting marijuana use – are they worried more about those kids having drug problems or the other kids being liars?

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Blockbuster, once one of the most profitable entertainment companies in America, is now close to bankruptcy. A documentary movie on the company’s rapid rise and fall may be available this summer on Netflix.

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Pamela Anderson did surprisingly well on the first “Dancing with the Stars.” There was that first embarrassing moment in the rehearsals when she thought “stars” referred to those little breast pasties.

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Sandra Bullock has largely maintained a public silence about her husband’s alleged multiple infidelities. But rumor has it she’s considering going golfing with Elin Woods.
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Sandra Bullock has largely maintained a public silence about her husband’s alleged multiple infidelities. But her friends are considering a Craigslist post for a “dirty little coward” to shoot Mr. Howard.

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Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush have broken up. “That’s really a shame”, said absolutely no one.

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Really tacky joke. Some are still up in arms over Joe Biden’s “Big f**king deal” comment.

Suppose it’s a good thing no sportscaster referred to Tiger’s endorsement-losing follies as “Big deal-breaking f**king.”

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Lining up to be counted??

Posted March 24, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Starbucks offered a free pastry Tuesday morning to anyone who ordered a ‘hand-crafted” drink. And stores had people waiting in lines around the block. Forget all these expensive contingency plans to get people to fill in their census forms. The government should just offer them free doughnuts.

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For all the nasty vitrol spewed by opponents of the healthcare reform, there actually would have been a kinder, gentler way to delay passage. Republicans should have just asked Joe Biden to say a few words in favor of the bill. (He’d still just be getting warmed up.)

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Possible redemption for Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire? A Virginia chiropractor is under investigation for allegedly providing steroids to members of the Washington Nationals. What more evidence do we need that steroids don’t necessarily improve your performance?

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Joe Biden seems to have upset some Republicans by referring to healthcare reform as a “f**king” big deal. Apparently he should have followed the lead of our last vice-president and used the word as a verb.

(In case anyone forgets, Dick Cheney suggested to Vermont senator Patrick Leahy that he attempt an anatomically impossible act.)

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Apparently for the newest “Pirates of the Caribbean”, Disney has asked that only aspiring actresses with “real breasts, not implants” apply for the roles. Auditions will be held in Los Angeles whenever both candidates can make it.

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Zydrunas Ilgauskas has signed a deal that will again have him playing center for the Cleveland Cavaliers. Just when those poor midwest sportscasters and copy editors had finally gotten comfortable with “Faroukmanesh.”
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Andy Borowitz said that Google claimed one of the last straws in their decision to pull out of China was the way the Chinese censors turned a request for “human rights” into “did you mean hunan rice.” But hey, anyone could make that mistake,” said former President George W. Bush.

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Brett Yormark, the CEO of the truly awful New Jersey Nets, apparently was seen arguing with a fan who attended a home game with a paper bag over his head. Guess the fan wouldn’t share his bag.

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from my funny friend Neil Berliner:

A poll says that 50% of New Yorkers favor the legalization of medical marijuana and 41% oppose. One gentleman in the other 9% asked to have the question repeated twice and then replied, “Hey bud, which way is the Fillmore East at?”

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More upsets….

Posted March 23, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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It just keeps getting worse for those who had bet on the experts’ predictions – including all those who picked Scott Brown over President Obama in the healthcare finals.

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Why size doesn’t always matter – the population of Cedar Falls, Iowa, home of the Northern Iowa Panthers, is about 36,000. Just a few hundred less than the UNDERGRADUATE population of their next opponent, Michigan State.

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There are now so many reporters now heading for Iowa that residents of the state who aren’t sports fans must wonder if they scheduled a really early presidential caucus.

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Besides Kansas fans, the people who have to be the most upset by the Northern Iowa upset – sportscasters and copy editors who have to say and spell “Faroukmanesh.”

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Not to say American sports fans have a short attention span, but with their brackets busted many fans will now care as much about the rest of March madness as they do at this point about Olympic hockey. – “So who won that game anyway?”

(note to Canadian readers, just kidding.)

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Marc Ragovin sent along several funny comments yesterday about the new Mets slogan, designed around new closer K-Rod, “We believe in eight inning games.”

But over in Los Angeles, Dodgers fans are asking “When did they get that long?”

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And over in Minnesota, where the Twins just lost closer Joe Nathan for the season, the response is “Sign us up for that too.”
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The San Francisco 49ers have announced they may go into next season without a general manager. Thereby confusing many fans, who last season saw no discernible evidence that the team HAD a general manager.

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And in a commie-pinko, did they really say that moment…. (Conservatives can stop reading now) You have to love all the Republicans who suddenly started saying about healthcare that they didn’t want the government coming between a doctor and a patient. Can we quote them on this the next time Roe v. Wade comes under attack?

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Meanwhile, back in California politics, Meg Whitman has spent over $27 million on her campaign in the first three months of 2010. And this is a woman who believes we can’t afford healthcare reform.

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Independence day?

Posted March 22, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Since this is a country founded on the principle of independence, I would just hope that all the congressmen and women who voted against today’s healthcare bill please show THEIR independence by resigning their government-paid healthcare?

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Cornell enters the Sweet Sixteen as one of the biggest surprises, and probably without a lot of money bet on them in Vegas?

Because after all, anyone smart enough to have graduated from Cornell was also probably smart enough not to have bet on them.

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On the other hand, think about the fans Cornell has picked up in Chicago. It’s the first time in recent memory they have heard “possible championship” and “Ivy” mentioned in the same sentence.

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Twelve seed Cornell routed the fourth seeded Badgers 87 to 69. For Wisconsin sports fans this just solidifies 4 as the currently most unpopular current number in the state.
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There will actually be a special tournament set up next week in Vegas for gamblers whose NCAA brackets i are in decent shape. The game, of course – “Liar’s Dice.”

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All the upsets in the tournament so far means a lot of fans will be going into April without much hope. Does this make them all honorary Nationals fans?

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At one point during his ESPN interview, Tiger Woods said of his repeated affairs – “I tried to stop and I couldn’t stop. And it was just, it was horrific.” Ladies and gentlemen, I think we’ve just found the new U.S. spokesman for Toyota.

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Tiger Woods confessed to being “a little nervous” about the reception he will get at this year’s Masters. And his fellow golfers said, “Hey, no worries, why don’t you relax and take a little extra time out of the spotlight with your family?”

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From Bill Littlejohn: Foreclosure proceedings have begun on the residence of the Octomom. She reportedly is in negotiations for a cheaper shoe.

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And finally, for any blog reader trying to win a bar bet this week- try this question – who are the only men’s teams to advance to the Sweet Sixteen for each of the past three years?

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Answer, Michigan State and Xavier.

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Brackets – flat out broke and busted…

Posted March 21, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Obama’s speech to congressional Democrats today is already being considered one of the best of his presidency. Who’d a thunk yesterday that the President’s healthcare plan would be looking better than his brackets? (Obama picked Kansas to win it all.)

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Lots of headlines about the Northern Iowa upset of Kansas, calling it the biggest “underdog” victory of the year. Since Northern Iowa is the Panthers , shouldn’t they have been “undercats?”

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The Panthers’ upset certainly ranks as one of the earthshaking events to ever happen to Kansas. And in this case there wasn’t even a witch and flying house involved.

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The Washington Nationals sent star prospect Stephen Strasburg to their double AA afflilate in Harrisburg. Some say it had to do with money and delaying his eligibility for arbitration. But it might be simply that they wanted him to have experience with a team that could actually win a few games.

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Tim Tebow will work out for the Washington Redskins this weekend. Thereby providing more ammunition for those who admire his college performance, but say he will never play quarterback for a professional team.

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As we move into late March there are more and more signs that the major league baseball regular season is starting soon – the weather is getting warmer, rosters are getting smaller, and Kerry Wood is injured again.

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from Alex Kaseberg:
A study in the journal “Neurobiology of Aging” revealed there is memory loss between the age of 40 and 50. Not only that, but there is memory loss between the age of 40 and 50.

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The first weekend of Madness.

Posted March 20, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Heady times in Northern California. In the NCAA tournament The Cal Bears beat Louisville, and St Mary’s knocked off Richmond.

But then there’s always the reality check known as the Golden State Warriors. Who managed to lose to San Antonio 147 to 116.

Actually Cal and Washington both advanced. As someone who has watched some pretty abysmal Pac 10 games this year I have to wonder…maybe it’s not that the conference was better than most of us thought, but that the rest of men’s college basketball was worse than than we thought.

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Not to say March Madness loyalties are shallow. But wondering – of all those “fans” bemoaning Temple’s first round loss at the hands of Cornell, how many of them could find Temple on a map?

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Now, over in our nation’s capital, fans are still recovering from Georgetown’s 14 point loss, as the 3rd seed, to 14th rated Old Dominion. Its the worst performance Washington basketball fans can remember, well, at least since the last Wizards game.

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How bad are the Washington Wizards? They may change their name to the Washington Generals.

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In fact, between Georgetown’s early exit and the Wizards’ ninth loss in a row, the best recent basketball performance in DC may belong to President Obama with his bracket picks.

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Jihad Jane”s mom said her daughter was just “lonely” and wanted somebody to love. Does this mean maybe the U.S. should start promoting the Humane Society and their shelters as anti-terrorist organizations?

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A new non-profit organization called “Reboot’ is trying to encourage people to take a 24 hour holiday next weekend from technology, no cellphones, computers, etc. And of course, the company is trying to spread the idea via sites like Facebook.

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American Idol has announced that following the “Rolling Stones” show, next week’s show’s focus will be “Teen Idols.” Of course, what most of the young contestants don’t know – the Rolling Stones WERE “Teen Idols.”

And when the band started…. Mick Jagger was all of 19 himself.

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An actual serious thought:

On the Ellen Degeneres show, Constance McMillen, who wanted to bring her girlfriend to her Mississippi prom received a $30,000 scholarship from the website Tonic.Com. Now it would be great to see some company step up to fund an alternative “non-prom” for the young women, and the other students who got their prom cancelled.

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and finally from my funny friend Jim Barach.

Porsche has taken the top spot in the J.D. Power dependability study. The study won’t be officially completed until the Toyota stops racing uncontrollably around the course.

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Busted brackets…

Posted March 19, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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How bad a day was it for sports fans who had Big East teams going deep into the tournament? Some of them are so upset that tomorrow they might actually use their office computers for work.

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Three teams (Georgetown, Marquette and Notre Dame) upset in the first round, and Villanova barely escaped. Who knew that in the NCAA tournament the Big East would suddenly become the Big Easy?

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And now we really know St. Patrick’s Day is over. The first NCAA tournament upset was Old Dominion over Notre Dame. So much for the luck of the Irish.

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And here most Irish fans thought the worst thing that would happen to them today was a St Patty’s hangover.

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The Chicago Cubs are considering putting up the first sponsored sign at Wrigley Field – a Toyota logo over the left field bleachers. But do Toyota and the team really have that much in common? After all, you can stop the Cubs.

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From my very talented and funny friend Jerry Perisho:

This is one of those rare moments in history when mortgage rates and Congress’s approval ratings both hover around 5%.

(and my rejoinder – the difference is that we can actually expect Congress’s ratings might go lower.)

Ideas for getting those census forms back…

So the U.S. Government is spending over $11 billion on their latest census. And for all that they are worried about getting people to reply.

Can I suggest a few simple answers?

Get the census form returned by this weekend along with a filled out bracket and be entered in a March Madness prize pool.

Forget needing to do the work of brackets. Have a Publisher’s Clearing House type contest with winners drawn from respondents.

Give respondents extra votes for American Idol.

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Post St. Patty’s toast…

Posted March 18, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Still in the Irish spirit, here’s a toast…

“May your troubles last as long as your perfect March Madness brackets.”

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Serious thought – yes, I have them occasionally – on the eve of March Madness. Want to raise the abysmal graduation rates for NCAA D1 basketball? Tie scholarships to the number of previous year’s graduations.

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Not sure if the Texas Rangers have finalized the advertising signs this year for their Rangers Ballpark in Arlington. But I think it’s a safe bet we won’t be seeing ‘Things go better with Coke.

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Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has suggested NCAA teams be banned from post season play unless they have at least a 40 percent player graduation rate. And student-athletes from many top seeded teams are complaining “No fair, that’s well over half.”

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The Washington Nationals, 0-11 in Spring Training, and with the worst record in baseball last year, have indicated they probably want phenom Stephen Strasburg to start the season with a AAA team. No word on if that team will be the Syracuse Chiefs or the Nationals themselves.

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First round NCAA men’s basketball stats: Louisville – 38% graduation rate. Cal – that academic powerhouse – 20% graduation rate.

(yes, this blog does have an occasional Stanford bias.)

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So Barack Obama may have secured Dennis Kucinich’s vote on healthcare by taking him for a ride on Air Force One. Which was a more positive methodology than Obamas original idea – threatening to send him to ride on Amtrak with Joe Biden.

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Thieves apparently broke into an Eli Lilly warehouse in Connecticut and stole over $70 million worth of drugs. Wow. At today’s retail prices that’s medication for at least a dozen people for a year.

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Orly Taitz is a leader of the “birther movement,” and has filed many lawsuits claiming President Obama was not born in the United States. Now she is running in the California Republican primary for Secretary of State. Wonder if Orly has to declare her birthplace in the filing papers? It would be nice to know her home planet.

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St. Patrick’s Day…

Posted March 17, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Where single men go out and pretend they are Irish, while also pretending that they don’t normally drink that much. Plus, since it’s March Madness, many of them will claim they know more about basketball than simply filling out random brackets. And then most of them will complain that “women don’t understand the real me.”

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So with all of these scandals, there’s one imperfect politician whose image might be looking a little better now… Bill Clinton.

Actually, in all seriousness Bill doesn’t look so bad anymore. A little garden variety tomcatting, no soul mates, no trips to argentina, no high priced prostitutes and no tickle parties. And no babies. As far as we know.

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Fascination-repulsion reaction to Rielle Hunter’s interview. Who would have thought Bill Clinton would turn out to been a better husband than John Edwards?
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ABBA was just inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. If Elvis wasn’t dead, this just killed him.

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Someone stole a truck in Benicia, California, containing over 1100 cases of wine, valued at $50,000. That’s $45 a case, less than $4 a bottle. Guess the police aren’t looking for wine snobs.

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From Ben Burnett:

A Montreal man the FBI once called Canada’s biggest movie pirate will be sentenced on Tuesday for illegally distributing copyrighted material on the internet…..the harshest part of his sentence calls for “Hannah Montana: The Movie” to be played on a loop in his cell.

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Definition of eternity – Brett Favre trying to finalize his NCAA tournament brackets.

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Inspired by a joke from Paul Seaburn – John McCain and Sarah Palin will be campaigning together in Arizona for the first time since the Presidential election. McCain was worried at first, but now has a plan to make sure Palin doesn’t say anything embarrassing. Before they hit the campaign trail, he’s going to make her wash her hands.

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Tiger Woods said he is returning to golf at the Masters next months. That’s fantastic news said CBS, all their advertisers, and absolutely none of the other golfers who have qualified for the tournament.

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I can see the headlines now if Woods has a decent first round “Tiger still knows how to put it in the hole.”

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