Joe Paterno, he keeps going, and going, and going…

Posted November 24, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Joe Paterno has become the Energizer Bunny of college football.  OF course, at this point when he keeps going and going and going, sometimes his players have to point him in the right direction to get home.

Paterno, 83,  says he will be back at Penn State next year. Makes sense, he’s the only one who can translate his original playbook without using the Rosetta Stone.

–

When Paterno started coaching, the Big Ten generally just referred to commandments.

–

Paterno once said “It’s the name on the front of the jersey that matters most, not the one on the back.”   Of course at his age, it’s a lot easier to remember the name on the front than all the different names on the back.

–

Joe Paterno says he will be back for yet another season to coach the Nittany Lions. Hasn’t he already been there longer than Penn has BEEN a state?.

–

Meanwhile,  Duke coach  Mike Krzyzewski got his 800th coaching win.   And Coach K is only 63.   Most Duke fans think Johnny Dawkins left for Stanford as a temporary measure because even as the heir-apparent, he couldn’t see getting the head coaching job in Durham anytime soon.

And if Paterno is any indication, sounds like Dawkins has another few decades in Palo Alto.

–

On Tuesday night (?!) in college football,  Miami (Ohio) beat Temple 23-3.   And if you watched the entire game and aren’t an alum of either school, it is just possible you might be in need of a life.

–

–

Money, money, money, money. If Major League Baseball was run like the BCS system the Yankees and Cubs would automatically make the playoffs every year.

–

One of Apple’s first computers has sold for more than $200,000.  Curiously enough, that’s about the average that the first Windows users spent on tech support.

–

Jennifer Grey won “Dancing with the Stars” Tuesday night.   And no doubt before the week is out,  Sarah Palin will have figured out how to blame it on President Obama and the liberal media.

–

Sarah Palin is actually trying to stump for Christine O’Donnell to be a contestant on the next “Dancing with the Stars.”   Suppose it could draw ratings. But the shows are worried that if O’Donnell were booted off, she’d turn the remaining contestants into toads.

–

All these people praising Bristol Palin on DWTS, both for her dancing and how impressive a job she is doing as a single mother…   Wonder how they’d react if the unwed teen mom on the show was the daughter of say, Jesse Jackson?

Comments: 2 Comments

Heading into turkey week.

Posted November 23, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

The 3-7 Minnesota Vikings fired coach Brad Childress. Guess they figured with Favre and the rest of the talent they have the team should be at least 4-6.

–

It could always be worse department: The Illinois-Northwestern game Saturday was the first college football game at Wrigley Field in 72 years. Just think, fans in attendance then were probably complaining about their Cubs’ 30 year World Series drought.

–

Another loss for Lebron and his friends in Miami. At this point they may have to change their name to the “Miami Lukewarm.”

–

So much for the 49ers latest-quarterback savior, as Troy had an awful Sunday. Wonder if we should say the Bucs employed a wooden horse defense?

–

Delta Air Lines is saying that in “rare” cases they will consider refunds for passengers who don’t want to go through the enhanced TSA patdowns this Thanksgiving.

Translation, those “rare cases” are probably when there are  people on the waitlist willing to pay a lot more than you did on their ticket.

–

New TSA theme songs?

“You ain’t seen nothing yet?”  or “The way that I want to touch you?

–

As much as many travelers now think TSA should be privatized, let’s at least hope they don’t put the airlines in charge. Not only would the pat-down situation not improve, but the carriers would almost certainly add an additional “massage charge.”

–

Not everyone, however, is upset with the new hands-on security protocol.  In fact, rumor has it that out of the fans who flew to New York for the U.S. Premiere of the most recent Harry Potter movie,  many of them asked the TSA inspectors for a second date.

–

 

At 1-9, the Panthers are all alone as the worst team in the NFL. Which means that Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck may discover in 2011 that there are just a few things “finer than to be in Carolina….”

–

The Defense Department says they will release their “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” report early as some moderate senators say they want time to read the report before voting. This is news indeed. Senators actually sometimes read bills before they vote?

–

Are you “gellin”? Not if you’re flying. While the bodyscans are getting all the publicity, TSA also lists gel shoe inserts on their banned list, except in checked luggage. (Really.) What’s next, a ban on gel insert bras.

–

More and more stores will be open this year Thanksgiving Day,  including Sears,  Walmart, Kmart and Gap, which means further erosion of the traditional “Black Friday” start to the Christmas shopping season.

Will we look back year from now on this being the beginning of the trend that moved “Black Friday” to the weekend before Labor Day?

Comments: 2 Comments

Bowled over….

Posted November 22, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

This all could change…. but how messed up is the BCS?

Stanford, despite a #6 ranking, is projected to go to the Alamo Bowl, which gets the Pac 10 #2. team But that’s the bowl’s #2 CHOICE, not necessarily the 2nd best team.

So technically, except for that little matter of probation, the folks in San Antonio could go for a team whose alumni always travel and spend money, i.e. the USC Trojans.

–

Speaking of money,  the Alamo Bowl has a payout of $2,250,000 this year, the same as the Champs Sports Bowl, who at this point is hoping to take a 7-4 Notre Dame.

–

Although, really, considering the “self-esteem” of both programs, shouldn’t Notre Dame be the permanent host team of the Pinstripe Bowl at Yankee Stadium.

–

Speaking of college ball.  They always introduce NFL players by their college alma maters.

I think I’ve heard someone say this before, but since many of these guys never got degrees or even attended most of their classes, would love to see them announced with the last school they actually graduated from, even if that’s elementary or high school.  (Or reform school)

–

Great line from my friend Alex Kaseberg: “Oakland Raiders’ Richard Seymore fined and ejected today for punching-out Steeler QB Ben Roethlisberger. Good news? Seymore named Man of the Year by N.O.W.”

–

Meanwhile, at Candlestick Park…. Well, so much for all those San Francisco fans who thought that with the World Series over it would be a long time until they saw another shutout.

–

-The New York Mets chose Terry Collins as their next manager. Although wouldn’t it be more correct to say “as their next interim manager?”

–

And here’s a poll for readers:   Who’s going to last longer? Brett Favre as the Vikings’ starting quarterback, or Mike Singletary as the 49ers coach?

–

Barbara Bush said in an interview that Sarah Palin seemed “very happy in Alaska,” and that she “hoped she’d stay there.” Shame Barbara didn’t tell her son that he “seemed very happy in Texas….”.

–

About these new TSA pat-downs. Okay, I suppose I can see the need to check for potential explosives.  But customs agents have known for years that smugglers can conceal illegal substances, well, shall we say, internally. 

What’s next, TSA prostate exams?

.

Comments: 2 Comments

Big Game – Little drama

Posted November 21, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

The first storm of the season: P G & E reports that there are six power outages in Berkeley. Seven if you count the Cal offense.

–

The final score was Stanford 48 – Cal 14, and those 14 points came late in the game against Stanford’s second team defense.  So this year, however, the Bears can’t blame their Big Game loss on too much Luck.

–

Despite the rivalry, however, Cal fans actually had nothing but good wishes for Stanford Quarterback Andrew Luck.  In fact, after the game they were unanimous in saying that with his talents, Luck really should enter the NFL draft after this year.

After the 2010 season,  Cal’s aging Memorial Stadium will be basically completely gutted and renovated.  But today’s Stanford-Cal “Big Game” was only the second-to-last game, as the University of Washington comes to Berkeley next weekend.

Just as well, after today’s 48-14 loss, Bears fans might be more than willing to tear down the old stadium, with the team in it.

–

The Vikings will activate wide receiver Sydney Rice for tomorrow’s game against Packers. Presumably coach Brad Childress wanted to make sure Rice was completely ready to play, both to catch passes and to tackle Green Bay defensive ends who intercept Brett Favre.

–

The Golden State Warriors now have both Stephen Curry, a Davidson graduate, and Jeremy Lin, a Harvard graduate, on their roster. Which means they may well have the two NBA players with the highest SAT scores.

Said many of their fellow players in the league  – “What are SAT scores?”

–

It could always be worse department: The Illinois-Northwestern game today was the first college football game at Wrigley Field in 72 years. Just think, fans in attendance then were probably complaining about their Cubs’ 30 year World Series drought.

–

Billionaire Mitt Romney told supporters that he thinks people are “exhausted” from the 2010 elections, so he wants to wait a while before he really gears up his presidential campaign for 2012.

Hmm, wonder when he last talked to his good friend and protege Meg Whitman?

–

Another potential silver lining to this whole TSA potentially overly-instrusive patdown controversy.  By the time you get to your airline seat, being cramped, nickel-and-dimed, and ignored by flight attendants will seem almost pleasant by comparison.

– 

The Redskins hope to rebound Sunday against the Titans.   Or at least make a decision about saving some serious money.

Bill Littlejohn, on Donovan McNabb’s new $78 million contract giving the Redskins an out clause: “In the first quarter Monday night, it looked like a three-and-out clause.”

–

Back to baseball – in a column this week Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Giants wrote while praising Brian Wilson that he nonetheless  “pulled out every theatrical gimmick except a monocle and feather boa.”

So okay, Giants fans, we know who to blame next year when Wilson shows up with that monocle and boa….

Comments: Be the first to comment

Friday follies.

Posted November 20, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Sarah Palin’s publisher is suing Gawker for leaking pages of her upcoming book. Apparently Palin is particularly upset because people are asking her questions about the book and her staff hasn’t told her yet  what she was supposed to have written.

–

The TSA has agreed that airline pilots with valid ID’s can skip the security scanning and pat-downs that normal passengers go through at the airports. Pilot groups are pleased. This means less potential harmful radiation, and a much easier time bringing their onboard flasks.

–

The FDA is about to ban alcohol beverages containing caffeine. Great, so you can go to San Francisco and get a legal medical marijuana prescription, but you may have to start going to a speakeasy to get an Irish Coffee.

–

Prince Charles indicated in a recent interview that as King he would consider making Camilla Queen. In a followup interview, Queen Elizabeth said she is considering living forever.

–

Due to the stadium’s small size, the University of Illinois-Northwest football game this weekend at Wrigley Field will use only one end zone. Actually, they should have used the field for last night’s Bears-Dolphins game. Not like Miami needed the end zone anyway.

–

Some fans are wondering – why choose WrigleyField  out of all of the stadiums to host a novelty college football game?  Apparently the NCAA thought it would be a nice gesture for local fans,  who haven’t seen a meaningful game played at Wrigley since about July.

–

Although as we get close to bowl season, it becomes apparent that to fill all the existing bowls, some teams with VERY mediocre records are going to get postseason bids.  Including possibly the UCLA Bruins, who have not beaten one time with a .500 record or better. 

So what exactly is the NCAA trying to accomplish here by rewarding these lousy team?  Become the NFC West?

–

One problem with Facebook increasingly reaching an older demographic… You have more and more friends sending you birthday wishes, at the same time you are -starting to forget who more and more of these people are.

.

–

Despite consistently low scores, Bristol Palin is one of the last three contestants on “Dancing with the Stars.” Now we know the true meaning of her name -it’s Alaskan for “Sanjaya.”

–

from Marc Ragovin:

This past Monday was the 58th anniversary of the Peanuts comic strip in which Lucy pulls the ball away from Charlie Brown as he is about to kick it. Charles Schulz once said he never would have gotten the idea if Brown’s regular holder — Bret Favre — hadn’t been injured.

Comments: 1 Comment

Rings and things.

Posted November 19, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

 Tony Parker has three rings with the San Antonio Spurs. Sounds like maybe he should have bought another, for his wife.

–

I’m not sure Brett Favre gets it. The last time he went through airport security he told the TSA guy. “Nice picture, can you send it to this girl I know?”

–

Felix Hernandez of the lowly Seattle Mariners won the AL Cy Young Award with a major-league leading ERA. 2.27, although only a 13-12 record. Hernandez may never win another Cy Young, but at least his win total should go up when he ends up in pinstripes.

–

Apparently Major League Baseball is likely to expand the playoffs to include 10 teams, but not until at least 2012. Which means that next year the Red Sox and Yankees will have to make the playoffs the old-fashioned way, by buying free agents and picking up big names at the trade deadline.

–

Derek Jeter is unhappy with the Yankees’ offer of $21 million a year for three years. This after a season in which most sportswriters agree he won the Golden Glove mostly on reputation, and hit all of .270. If New York actually ups the ante to keep Jeter maybe the SF Giants should talk to them about taking Zito.

–

Ron Artest of the Los Angeles Lakers told a reporter today that after he retires from the NBA,  he wants to play for an NFL team. Is he nuts? While Artest is a great athlete, there’s no way the guy is ready to play professional football. Which means he’s already received an invitation to try out for the Buffalo Bills.

–

TC Chong wonders if there is a Guinness World Record for most times an announcer has been “muted” via the remote on a sports broadcast? If so, he thinks it be Joe Theismann.  I would say Tim McCarver would give him a run for his money.

TC also points out in the “something’s got to give” department,  that the Detroit Lions haven’t won on the road in 25 games, and the Dallas Cowboys haven’t won at all in their new stadium.   And wonders “A 10-10 overtime tie anyone? You heard it here first.”

–

Sarah Palin knocked “American Idol” contestants, saying they were “untalented victims of the cult of self-esteem.” Right. As opposed to the well-adjusted, supremely gifted and attractive people who go on “Dancing with the Stars.”

–

(this next partially inspired by Palin.)

Ah, delusions. If a man is rich, women will think he is attractive. If a woman is attractive, men will think she is smart.

–

Senator Chris Dodd is denying that he sent a tweet that went out to his followers this morning saying “U love torturing me with this sh**.” Not that I think politicians are saints but am inclined to believe him. How many 66 year old men actually know how to send a tweet anyway?

–

Many Americans just don’t understand all the hoopla over the engagement between Prince William and Kate Middleton. After all, William will only be King due to an accident of birth. Yet some of those same people were excited to hear that Jeb Bush might run for president.

–

George W. Bush was on the tonight show Thursday, and made a joke about not having an exit strategy. Which would have been funnier if that lack hadn’t cost thousands of Americans their lives.

Comments: 4 Comments

Thank you, Sarah.

Posted November 18, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

While Palin certainly helped Tina Fey become the youngest winner ever of the Mark Twain American humor award, she has also been a generous source of material to many of us lesser writers.

Today for example, was a bonanza. (Palin fans might want to skip to the last several  jokes.)

–

 Sarah Palin said she believed she could beat Barack Obama in the 2012 Presidential election. Has anyone told her the balloting procedure is just a little different from “Dancing with the Stars?”

–

Palin also says that President Obama wasn’t properly “vetted” and now it is “coming home to roost.” Meanwhile, many Republicans are thinking, had John McCain done a little more vetting himself, the GOP would have probably won the Senate this year.

–

And in Sarah Palin’s latest book, “America by Heart,” she apparently wrote that it was “disgusting” to watch “the father of my grandchild” Levi Johnston exploit his sudden fame. Right, as opposed to the mother of her grandchild.

–

Wonder how Palin chose the title “America by Heart?”  I thought she thought America was by Russia?

–

The book has not officially been released yet, though excerpts have been leaked. One thing’s for sure – looks like an early Christmas for comedy writers.

–

Meanwhile, Willow Palin, 16, posted on her facebook page a number of slurs directed at a classmate, including telling him “Your (sic) such a f**got” Great, a homophobic illiterate. Her mother must be so proud.

–

And not that I personally agree with Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski on a number of issues. But must admit, it’s kind of fun to watch. She’s irritating the GOP leadership these days more than any woman whose last name isn’t Pelosi.

–

Tea Party Republican candidate Joe Miller has not yet conceded to Murkowski, who apparently has won re-election as a write-in candidate.  Miller’s latest potential  challenge, that her candidacy was unfair because she was actually appealing only to voters who could both read and write

–

First Steve Nash announces he is divorcing, now Tony Parker’s wife has filed papers. Okay, who’d a thunk the longest married superstar in the NBA might end up being Kobe Bryant?

–

One silver lining with this whole TSA invasive issue – After you make it through the airport Thanksgiving weekend, by comparision your mother’s questions at dinner may not seem quite so probing.

–

In Los Angeles, supervisors have banned plastic bags. Said one lawmaker, “Plastic bags are a pollutant, they pollute the urban landscape.” Stand by for the supervisors’ next action – banning the Los Angeles Clippers.

–

A Dutch company claims they have invented a skin patch that will help you lose weight. Sure, why not? Especially if you stick it over your mouth.

Comments: 1 Comment

Poor performances.

Posted November 17, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,
Charles Rangel was found guilty on 10 counts by the House Ethics Committee. This was shocking news to most Americans – the House HAS ethics?
–
Despite stories of Donovan McNabb’s new $40 million contract being guaranteed, the Washington Redskins only have to pay $3.5 million if they cut him at the end of the season.  Translation, Brett Favre has a better chance of playing opening day in 2011 than McNabb.
–
Pick your punchline – bipartisan joke.
The Redskins’ being routed 59-28 by the Philadelphia Eagles night…..
a.  Was the most disappointing performance in Washington history, well, since the current lame-duck Congress.
b. Will be the most disappointing performance in Washington history, well, until the new Congress takes over.
–
–
In New Jersey, residents can now buy personalized license plates proclaiming that they are New Jersey Nets fans. Although the DMV has been instructed to give anyone who asks for such a plate a breathalyzer test.
–
Actually, there might be one reason to buy a New Jersey Nets plate.  As a ruse to cover up the embarrassment of actually being a Knicks fan.
–
A bomb threat Monday at Ohio State resulted in classes being cancelled in three academic buildings and the library being closed. At least that means no football players were affected.
–
In the first episode of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” Sarah showed off a “baby-gate” on the stairs that she said was not only for Trig, but to keep her 16 year old daughter Willow’s boyfriend from going upstairs. Yeah, that worked out so well with Bristol.
–
Facebook is starting up an email application. Let’s see, so this means the site could thus be used for both things you post casually to share with hundreds of people, as well as private communications between only you and your closest friends. What could possibly go wrong?
–
The makers of “Four Loko”, a sweet alcoholic drink, have announced they will remove caffeine from their product.  Apparently the FDA is planning to ban caffeinated alcoholic beverages as unsafe. Wow. Good thing no one’s ever tried to put whiskey, sugar and cream in coffee.
–
Cam Newton of Auburn remains eligible while the NCAA and FBI investigate allegations of him or his family being paid for him to choose a university.  But the Heisman committee may be justifiably afraid of voting for someone who may end up stripped of their trophy.
Meanwhile there’s always Oregon’s LaMichael James, perhaps the best running back in the country.   He’s only on two years probation (legal, not academic) from this past spring, after serving 10 days in jail for harrassing his former girlfriend.
And they wonder why some NFL players seem to think they can get away with anything.
–
Carnival Cruise Lines has cancelled all sailings on the Splendour through mid January because of the fire  
The bad news for many travelers, they won’t be spending the holidays at sea with their families. The good news for some travelers, they won’t be spending the holidays at sea with their families.
– 

Timing is everything:  Lloyd’s Register, the international standards organization for ship classification and design , apparently is working with several companies to look into the feasibility of nuclear-powered commercial ships, including cruise ships.

I can see it now, the Carnival Glow Worm.

Comments: Be the first to comment

Streak Buster.

Posted November 16, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Congrats to Buster Posey on winning NL Rookie of the Year. And that big collective sigh of relief you hear is all the writers who picked Jason Heyward before the NLDS.

–

Posey was the first Giants to win the award since 1975.   A 35 year winless streak.   Wonder if back then Aubrey Huff was wearing a thong over his Pampers?.

–

Since 1975, nine Los Angeles Dodgers have won the award. And curiously enough, the ONLY writer who didn’t even have Posey’s name on his ballot at all – Japan’s beat writer for the Dodgers.

–

(Had Heyward won, particularly after he disappeared in the playoffs, would it have been considered a rookie mistake?)

Apparently Buster Posey was asked after winning the NL Rookie of the Year award if he would do the “I’m going to Disneyland” commercial. But Posey declined, saying he wanted to wait until he was old enough to go on all the rides.

–

CNN asked the question. Is Sarah Palin’s “Alaska” reality TV or a campaign ad? The two, however, are not mutually exclusive.

–

How much of a rout was the Eagles-Redskins game? At one point the p.a. system started playing “On Wisconsin.”-

–

Before the Monday night game, the Redskin signed Donovan McNabb to a five-year contract extension worth $78 million,  $40 million guaranteed. And then he went out and threw three interceptions in a 59-28 lost to the Eagles.

–

So just for one week, Washingtonians of all political persuasions agree the town’s biggest waste of money had nothing to do with Congress.

–

from my funny friend Jerry Perisho :  Vikings owner Zygi Wilf says he is not considering firing coach Brad Childress.… That is NFL-speak for, “His ass will be tossed out in the snow any day.”

–

Wisconsin coach Bret Bielman denied he was trying to run up the score, even though the Badgers beat Indiana 83-20, and were passing with a 69-13 lead. I guess had they really been trying to run up the score he’d have called fourth quarter “Hail Marys?.”

–

Bill Clinton is going to appear in “Hangover 2.” Though for many Americans “Hangover 2” is the thought that another of George Bush’s sons may run for president.

–

Actually, I’m confused, didn’t we break away from England partly to get away from a hereditary monarchy?

–

Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Wood’s first alleged mistress, decided to finally tell her story to England’s “Daily Mail”   Yes, there was a time when we all thought Tiger’s marriage was on the rocks simply due to one affair.

Just as some naive sports fans believed Brett Favre would only have one retirement.

–

Uchitel reportedly told a friend last summer she still wanted to marry Woods.  Let’s put that statement in the category of “Maybe not so smart women, but definitely foolish choices.”

 –

Alaska GOP senator Lisa Murkowski said she would not support Sarah Palin for President, saying she didn’t think she had “leadership qualities,” or “intellectual curiosity.” Of course, there are dissenters – “Whatever that intellectual stuff was, I never needed it” responded George W. Bush

Comments: 1 Comment

Are you ready for some bad football?

Posted November 14, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

 The Buffalo Bills will not end up with a “perfect” record this year, since they won their first game today against the Detroit Lions. And to celebrate, the 1972 Miami Dolphins opened a case of really cheap generic beer.

–

My friend Douglas Hudson pointed out that the Lions have now lost their 25th straight road game, breaking their own NFL record set in 2001-03.

In this environmentally conscious age, maybe Detroit should just declare themselves the NFL’s first truly “green” team and just forfeit the rest of their road games?  Would save travel costs, the associated “carbon footprint,” plus wear and tear on the players…

–

Brett Favre seems to have recovered from his broken ankle, as he was running around the field like looking like a young man Sunday.  Unfortunately for the Vikings,  the young man he looked like was Vinny Testaverde.

–

The lights went out for a brief time tonight during the Giants-Cowboys game Sunday night.  Although despite Dallas’s upset win, it was still about a month after the lights went out on the Cowboys’ season.

–

A recent survey by the Chronicle of Higher Education found that 30 presidents of U.S. colleges and universities received more than $1 million in pay and benefits in 2008. As opposed to only 61 college football coaches who made over a million in salary alone.

–

 San Francisco beat the Rams today in overtime 23-20, despite 14 penalties. Who knew… the secret of success might simply have been for the 49ers to become the Raiders?

–

There are now allegations that parts of George W. Bush’s memoir were plagarized from other books and articles. On the brighter side, this might indicate that W. actually reads.

–

A British study found that 1 in 10 men say they use the internet primarily to look for porn. The other nine presumably just go online to read the articles.

from Marc Ragovin: 

Bud Selig raised eyebrows the other day when he said that civil war veteran Abner Doubleday invented baseball, despite all evidence to the contrary. Leading Jamie Moyer to say: “I knew Abner Doubeday. I fought with Abner Doubleday. And Abner Doubleday did not invent baseball.”

Comments: 2 Comments

No, it’s not a typo:

Posted November 14, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Wisconsin 83, Indiana 20. Worst loss in Indiana history. Or at least since Dan Quayle last played scrabble.

–

83 points?  Seriously.  Today being the Wisconsin punter was about as relevant as being a caterer at a convention of super models.

–

Nick Coombs sent in this stat, the only time the  Wisconsin men scored 83 in basketball last year was against… Indiana.

(For anyone who doesnt follow college basketball, Wisconsin’s basketball team, while usually pretty good,  plays a very defensive style that results in very low scoring games,  even in years when the team is good enough to make the NCAA tournament.)

–
  
–
The U.S. Post Office lost over $8 billion last year and may have to go to five day a week mail service. Angry Americans plan to start a Facebook and email campaign to “Save Saturday delivery.”
–
This weekend New York City is hosting the two-day Quidditch World Cup.  And over 40 broomstick-riding teams are participating.
–
Wonder if the championship trophy will be given out by Christine O’Donnell?
But really?  Quidditch?   Even Trekkies are saying “How geeky can you get?”
–
NFL priorities: This week the Panthers’ Jon Beason of the Carolina Panthers fined $10,000 for a hit to the head on the Saint’s Marques Colston. Meanwhile Chad Ochocinco was fined $20,000, for wearing gold cleats.
–

Reader Augie’s comment on David Lee, who compared the pain of  his infected elbow to giving birth. 

“Maybe David Lee’s wife gave birth to a 10lb elbow. Just think if he had gotten his head stuck in a hoop instead.”

–

LeAnn Rimes actually  tweeted her best wishes to her ex-husband, who she famously cheated on,  She then added in another tweet “my congrats is from my heart. Sorry if you don’t understand it. I do not need the publicity, I get plenty”

Uh, LeAnn, if you don’t need the publicity, maybe a congratulatory phone call or email might have been better?

–

Warning,  the next joke will only make sense to hockey fans.

What’s the difference between the Maple Leafs and the Sharks?  The regular season and the postseason.

Comments: 6 Comments

Don’t ask…

Posted November 13, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,
 (and don’t ask why the font is messed up tonight,  I think it’s gremlins.)
 
Anyway…
 
Cindy McCain has come out publicly in a video supporting gays’ right to serve in the U.S. Armed Forces, while her husband leads the Senate fight to maintain the status quo. Guessing that “What did you do today, honey?” conversations at the dinner table have given way to “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”–

This weekend, Americans looking for escapist entertainment can watch a runaway train hurtling straight for disaster. And after the Cowboys game against the Giants, there’s also the movie “Unstoppable.”

–

Jerry Jones stated that while he hopes interim coach Jason Garrett does well enough to earn a permanent position with the Cowboys, he had “Super Bowl-winning coaches solicit this job.” Really? I thought it was only NFL players, not sideline staff, who were getting those damaging concussions.

–

Brett Favre said the 2011 is definitely his last. Right, and the newly elected Congress will definitely cut spending.

(and the Cowboys are going to the Super Bowl and the 49ers are going to the playoffs, etc…)

–

Carnival Cruise Lines may have offer some big discounts next week to entice travelers who might have been scared off by this week’s events. Once they figure out what to title the promotion. Already vetoed – “Fire sale.”

–

Former President Clinton gave up a thumbs up review to George W. Bush’s memoir “Decision Points,” and says everyone should read it. Of course Bill figures then that Americans will miss him more than ever.

–

The Miami Heat, despite the presence of Lebron James and his friends Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade, are only 5-4, which puts them on track to be one of the most over-hyped and over-rated teams of all time. Now all they need is to change their uniform to include pinstripes.

–

Okay women friends and readers, how do you like this quote? It’s from David Lee, who plays basketball for the Golden State Warriors, about his infected elbow that will need surgery? “I know, I know, it’s an elbow scratch, but I was in the worst pain of my life, Now I know what it feels like to give birth”

–

“Dancing With the Stars” Judge Carrie Ann Inaba told People magazine that she has a theory why the young woman, who is a relatively mediocre dancer, is in the semi-finals. 

Inaba stated  “Bristol Palin is somebody that I think most of Middle America and regular people can relate to. She is a regular girl with normal problems and issues” and as a result, people can see themselves in her.

Yeah, exactly, regular people get pregnant at 16, have their mom run for national office and have their engagement/breakup/engagement/breakup documented in exclusive interviews with major magazines.  I can see how Middle America would relate.

And don’t all teen moms have day care available anytime they want to give interviews, make speeches and go on reality shows??

 

   

 

–

Boise State has a string of three nationally televised Friday night games in a row.  Tonight the Broncos destroyed Idaho 52-14, next week they take on Fresno State, and the following week Nevada.

Not that Boise State isn’t a good team, but shouldn’t this series of games be referred to as “Friday Night Lightweights.

Comments: 1 Comment

Tow, tow, tow your boat….

Posted November 12, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

This great post title “Tow, tow, tow, your boat,” suggested by reader Gary Morton. And yes, it would make another possible new theme song for Carnival.

–

And tonight the Splendor is back in port, having been pulled in by six tugs.  But while the ship’s electrical system may be kaput, American ingenuity is alive and well.

As passengers disembarked they were met by enterprising salespeople with $20 “I survived the 2010 Carnival Cruise Spamcation.”

–

The t-shirt titles no doubt have potential too.

“My mom tried to go on a cruise to Mexico and all I got was a stale Pop Tart.”

“Spam, who said one million Hawaiians can’t be wrong.”

“Spam, it’s not just for breakfast, lunch and dinner anymore.”

–

Actually, a Carnival executive said no passengers were actually fed Spam.  Wonder what they used the stuff for instead.  A substitute for ice carving?

–

One lesson from this cruise – be careful (or at least specific) what you wish for. Out of those thousands of people on the Carnival Splendor, there had to be at least one person who said, “You know what I’d really like is to get away from all technology for a while.”

–

And a suggestion to passengers on the next Carnival Cruise, currently scheduled for November 21.  Probably not a good idea to be the first person to complain about cold eggs on the breakfast buffet.

–

Apparently some passengers were joking that it might be the first cruise they had been on where they actually lost weight.  Just another way that cruise ships are different than the airlines – had some airline executive heard that he’d probably have tried to charge the passengers retroactively for a spa cruise.

–

Okay, who’d have bet on this one? The last undefeated team in the NBA this season is the….New Orleans Hornets?!

–

And the “Dream Team” Miami Heat are 5-4.  Making them right now possibly the most over-hyped and over-rated star-filled team in the U.S.

“Hey,” said the New York Yankees  “That’s OUR job.”

–

Well, one good thing for the NBA out of Lebron’s “Decision.” It makes casual fans like me actually tune into at least part of some regular season games, just in hopes of seeing the Heat lose.

–

Carlos Beltran said he would “consider” waiving his no-trade contract if the Mets asked. Actually I believe his precise words were “You can DO that? H*ll, yeah.”

–

In a study involving 56 countries, the U.S. placed 31st in producing students with advanced math skills. Responded former President George W. Bush, “Well, at least we were in the top half.”

–

Many people connected with “Dancing with the Stars” cannot believe Bristol Palin is still in the competition.  It’s not just that she’s not a great dancer, it’s that they figured that like her mom, she’d quit half way through and declare victory.

–

From Bill Littlejohn:  Jets kicker Nick Folk didn’t know that his overtime FG had beaten the Lions, admitting that he thought that the Lions would get possession if he made the kick.Meanwhile, the NFL is investigating to see if , during the game,Folk had been exchanging texts with Donovan McNabb”

Comments: 1 Comment

The Cowboys and other amateur football.

Posted November 11, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

On November 13, Cowboys’ Stadium in Arlington, Texas will host Manny Pacquiao fighting Antonio Margarito for the WBC super welterweight title. For local sports fans who have been watching the Rangers and Cowboys, this may be the first time this month they can cheer for some real hits.

–

George W. Bush said it hurt his feelings when Kanye West said he didn’t care about black people. Besides, it’s not true. As President, George W. didn’t care about poor people of all colors equally.

–

Now Cam Newton, the Auburn quarterback and Heisman frontrunner, being accused of academic cheating and selling his services to the highest bidder, allegations that might make him ineligible for the award..  Although.many voters say so far these allegations will not affect their decision..

 
Considering the committee just got Bush’s award back, maybe they should start referring to it as the “Interim Heisman.”
 
–
–
While appearing in Dallas with Governor Rick Perry, Sarah Palin started her talk by telling family stories, while saying they were stories she had told before. And she stated “I need to run for office just so I have more material to share in my speeches” Uh, couldn’t Palin also have gotten more material by finishing out her last elected term?
 

 –

Queen Elizabeth of England now has a Facebook page. Wonder if there was a trace of a royal smile when under family and children she entered “It’s complicated.”

–

Super Bowl winning quarterback Jim McMahon said at a Chicago Bears team reunion that he is losing his memory. Bears fans just wish they could lose their memories of Rex Grossman.

–

According to ESPN.com, in 2012, the Univ. of Denver, Texas-San Antonio and Texas State will join the WAC, joining Hawaii, Louisiana Tech, Idaho, New Mexico State, Utah State and San Jose State. (Boise State, Fresno State and Nevada are leaving for the Mountain West.) Stand by for the all-new “Who gives a crap” bowl.

–

Actually the University of Denver will only join the WAC in basketball, as the school doesn’t have a football team. Undeterred, the WAC will continue to look for another team that would be a good match….although they haven’t heard back from the Denver Broncos.

–

Latest Carnival Cruise Line slogan – “Cruising, unplugged.”

–

Carnival’s “Fun Ships” may soon offer a whole new range of exciting activities. For starters – Spam carving and as my friend Steve suggested,  skeet shooting with Pop Tarts.

–

Meanwhile, as the Splendor gets towed back to San Diego, you know somewhere else off the coast of Mexico, someone else is complaining about runny eggs and limp bacon on the breakfast buffet.

–

And over in England,  Later this month, a stage adaptation of the movie “Love Story,” will open in London. And all around the city, men are telling their wives “Honey, of course I’ll get tickets, but are you sure you wouldn’t rather I go shopping with you instead?”

–

But seriously, how many married men will voluntarily go to see the play “Love Story?”  Of course, buying tickets and going with their wives may end up being a new way for men to say they’re sorry.

Comments: 2 Comments

Bits and pieces.

Posted November 10, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

A particularly random collection of thoughts tonight:

First a little NBA news:  The New Orleans Hornets are undefeated.   And tonight’s score from South Beach  – Utah 116 – Miami 114.

Maybe Lebron should have taken his talents to South Louisiana. Or the South Shore of Salt Lake.

–

The latest from Alaska, which may soon change their state slogan to “And you thought Florida was weird”:

Joe Miller, the Republican tea party candidate who may have lost to Senator Lisa Murkowski and her write-in campaign, is now filing a lawsuit to invalidate ballots where “Murkowski” was spelled incorrectly.

Um, excuse me, if being able to spell correctly was any sort of  requirement in politics,  this country would never have elected George W.

(or for that matter, Dan Quayle.)

–

Charlie Sheen is dismissing concerns about his New York hotel room meltdown, saying it was just “one bad night.” Yeah, by that standard, the Titanic only had “one bad night.”

—

Dallas Cowboys fans who visit the team’s website were out of luck for a couple days. According to the Dallas Morning News, the team forgot to renew the dallascowboys.com domain, and the site was left blank. It’s that attention to detail that has made the Cowboys what they are today.

–

Regarding New York’s contract negotiations with Derek Jeter, a source purportedly with “intimate knowledge” of the discussions told ESPN – “The Yankees are going to overpay him.” That’s “intimate knowledge”? The Yankees overpay everybody.

–

You never know when there might be a silver lining.  Think of the schools who might have dropped out early in the recruiting battle for Auburn quarterback Cam Newton when the price seemed too high.

–

Meanwhile at USC they are shocked?  Some other school actually might have outbid them?

–

The latest allegations have Newton telling a Mississippi State recruiter that the Auburn “money was too much.”

Who knew that one of the main differences between the NFL and NCAA football might be that the NFL has a salary cap.

 –

(In all semi-seriousness I can see where this could be going.  Since it’s just rumors at this point, the young quarterback leads Auburn to a top ten season and a  BCS bowl. Fans have a great time.  Then when more details come out the school “forfeits” their wins and goes on probation.   And Newton signs a big NFL contract.   Yeah, that’ll teach them.  

–

Go figure, in San Francisco just about anyone can get a medical marijuana prescription. But heaven help you now if you decide to satisfy the munchies with a small cheeseburger and fries and want a free toy to go with that.

–

Carnival Cruise Lines’ new slogan? “When you’re hot, you’re hot.”

Or maybe “Row, row, row your boat.”

–

It could be worse for those stranded passengers on the Carnival Splendor.  Kathy Lee Gifford could be stuck on board with them.

–

Well,  Bristol Palin may not be the most talented on Dancing with the Stars, but at least she has proven she’s not a clone of her mother.  The competition is more than halfway over, and Bristol hasn’t quit yet.

–

Meanwhile, Bristol’s mother is battling yet another member of the “liberal media,” this time calling out a reporter, Sudeep Reddy, who questioned her knowledge about inflation, or rather the lack thereof.  Palin accused him of “not reading his own paper.”   Except two things – first, Sarah misquoted the article in question, and second, this liberal paper Reddy writes for  is  the Wall Street Journal.

Comments: 2 Comments

Cowboy down

Posted November 9, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

The Dallas Cowboys have fired Wade Phillips. No word on Phillips’ next career move but for now he and the rats leaving with him just plan to swim home.

–

The Texas Rangers won only one game in five against the San Francisco Giants.  That’s still a better winning percentage than the Dallas Cowboys.

–

Jerry Jones has now turned to Jason Garrett in his quest to find a coach who can lead Dallas to the Super Bowl. With all due respect, the way the Cowboys have been playing, it would be a stretch to find a coach who could take the team to a BCS bowl.

–

The Dallas Cowboys are 1-7, the University of Texas Longhorns are 4-5. Okay, who’d a thunk the state’s football reputation might rest on the shoulders of the TCU Horned Frogs?

–

A Florida woman and her boyfriend have been jailed and charged with trying to sell the woman’s 8-week-old grandson for $30,000. What kind of monster would try to sell a baby. Now a teenager….okay, that would make sense.

–

Senator Jim Demint said “The Tea Party is responsible for just about every Republican elected around the country.” As well as the election of more than a few Democrats.

–

Stanford is #6 in the BCS standings and the Raiders are actually in the playoff hunt. which means as of now the 49ers are the third best football team in the Bay Area.

–

Tim Tebow, who has yet to throw a pass in the NFL, is writing an “inspirational memoir” at the age of 23. 23?!! Now I know what they mean about saying God has a Tim Tebow complex.

–

 Tiger Woods is getting VIP treatment and a warm welcome in Thailand, where he is playing in a charity golf tournament. Makes sense -remember “The King and I?” That guy had a LOT of concubines.

–

from my funny friend Neil Berliner:  The Mets have named Paul DePodesta VP in charge of Amateur Scouting. He won’t have to look far on that team to find amateurs!

–

Auburn quarterback Cam Newton apparently was caught cheating at the University of Florida in 2008 before he transferred to a junior college. Newton allegedly turned in a paper written by another student, and when caught, replaced it with one purchased off the internet.  This is shocking news. Florida football players have classes that require writing papers?

A similar scandal happened a few years ago at Florida State.  Apparently one player turned in an exam book where another student had actually done all the coloring.

Comments: Be the first to comment

By a nose.

Posted November 8, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Super horse Zenyetta failed in her attempt to be the first racehorse in modern history to go 20-0 when she lost her final race, the Breeder’s Cup Classic, by a nose.   But to be fair, the 6 year old filly was running against 13 colts, and was running on an unfamiliar track in her first race at Churchill Downs.  Zenyetta was probably the only one who stopped to ask for directions.

–

Speaking of by a nose, the Oakland Raiders and New York Jets both won in overtime. What’s the more shocking  story, that the Raiders actually had sold out their game against the Kansas City Chiefs?  Or that it took overtime for the Jets to beat the Detroit Lions.

–

This is not a typo. Stanford is #6 in the latest BCS rankings. Yes, football.

–

What a great week for Northern California sports fans. The Giants win the World Series, Stanford’s football team is ranked #6 in the country, even the Raiders and Warriors are winning.

And oh yeah, for the capper, the 49ers had a bye week.

–

The Philadelphia Eagles upset the Indianapolis Colts 26-24, aided by an amazing 32 yard sprint from scrimmage by Michael Vick. I suppose it would be tacky to say he ran as if the hounds of hell were after him.

–

MSNBC executives have decided two days was an “appropriate punishment’, so Keith Olbermann will be back on the air on Tuesday. Some of Olbermann’s supporters are so excited they may actually watch his show.

–

In the California gubernatorial election, Jerry Brown spent $7.50 per vote. Meg Whitman spent $43 per vote. Just another example of why you can’t trust Republicans to spend responsibly.

–

More than one domestic airline today reported problems ranging from  with online checkin to on-time departures because of the change away from Daylight Savings Time.  Yeah, I can see how that would just sneak up on them.

–

The airlines hope to have all the problems corrected in time for the change BACK to Daylight Saving Time in Spring. For which they will charge a modest “time change fee.”

–

Republican senate leader Mitch McConnell said that Republicans want to cut federal spending, but that it won’t be effective to cut “earmarks,” the practice of slipping funding requests for home-state projects into legislation. Translation, none of us want to cut spending that actually benefits our OWN state.

–

Stanford’s football team  is now ranked #6 in the BCS standings.  But due to a deal made by the folks in Pasadena, (whereby the Rose Bowl, this year only, has to take a top ranked nonconference team if they don’t make it to the national championship, ) the Cardinal could lose out to TCU or Boise State for the Rose Bowl.

And while there are three other BCS bowls, the Sugar, Fiesta and Orange Bowls, since they can choose one team each, they would likely bypass Stanford and  choose lower ranked marquee name teams .

So all this means  Stanford could win out, be ranked #3 in the country, and end up at the Alamo Bowl. Just in case you didn’t hate the BCS already.

Comments: 2 Comments

Age and treachery….

Posted November 7, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

 

It’s been a great week for Joe Paterno. Not only did he become the first Division 1 NCAA college football coach to win 400 games, he got to see that “nice young man” become governor of California again.

–

During a press conference after his 400th coaching victory, Penn State’s Joe Paterno, 83, said “People ask me why I stuck around so long.” and gestured to the fans. Well, the fans plus the fact Paterno doesn’t remember his way home anyway.

–

This morning America turned the clock back one hour. Big deal, in California’s gubernatorial election, we turned the clock back thirty years

–

So after the most recent elections, California’s senators will be Barbara Boxer, who turns 70 on November 11, and Dianne Feinstein, age 77.  And governor-elect Jerry Brown is age 72. 

Or as John McCain says, “Nice young people, but in these tough times, do they have enough maturity and experience?

–

Michigan 67 – Illinois 65.  Somewhere Bo Schembechler is rolling over in his grave. (for anyone who doesn’t remember Bo, he was a major practitioner of the “three-yards and a cloud of dust” offense. 20 points would have been a offensive explosion.)

–

During that Michigan-Illinois game, it was 59-59 before the third overtime.  And the the ESPN announcer said that fatigue was becoming a factor, especially for the defenses. How could the defenses be tired? They hadn’t done anything.

–

Silly World Series commemorative of the night.  Bradford Exchange is selling a $199.00 carousel music box featuring A T and Park, the World Series trophy, and the Giants logo.  The box plays “Take me out of the ballgame.” 

You’d think they would at least have the option of “Don’t Stop Believing.”

–

It’s five days after the last game of the World Series, so we have reached the period of time in which free agents are able to negotiate with any club. Or as the Yankees call it – “shopping season.” 

–

Go figure this one. After Arizona had an impressive no-huddle one minute drive to get back in the game against Stanford late in the third, the Wildcats got the ball back with about 12 minutes in the fourth quarter.

Arizona then not only then ran a slow drive with a lot of running plays to get to within 18 points,  the Wildcats didn’t go for an onside kick with nine minutes left in the game.

Maybe they thought the game had five quarters?

–

From Bill Littlejohn,  after a collision during a Wisconsin high school cross-country meet between a deer and a sophomore named Sarah Glidden: “The deer was listed as a Jane Doe.’’ . .  

–

For anyone who still cares about one-time ‘Bachelor’ fiancee Vienna Girardi, she hosted the Chippendales’ Ultimate Girls Night Out in Las Vegas Friday night.

And this is the woman who broke up with Jake because he was a “publicity whore?

Comments: 2 Comments

Top 10 things Meg Whitman could spend her next $150 million on…

Posted November 6, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

10. A baseball team.  She may not win, but she’s likely to come closer than the $165 million payroll Chicago Cubs.

9. A new ballot proposition in California – change elections to include a “Buy it Now” button.

8. Just give $5 to every man, woman and child in California on a debit card.  If they all spend locally it could actually help the economy.

7. Hire really good hitman for whichever political consultant told her “don’t worry about your ex-housekeeper,” it’s old news and no one will care.

6. Buy governor’s job in 4 or 5 smaller states and take turns running them.

5. Buy congressmen and women in smaller states and run them that way.

4. 160 million lottery tickets – at least that way she’d be likely to win SOMETHING.

3. Have an autobiography ghost-written, buy up enough copies to be number one on New York Times best seller list.

2.  Go on Craigslist. Make many many attempts at trying to buy a clue.

1. Buy some small island and set herself up as Queen Meg for life.

Comments: Be the first to comment

Orange haze…

Posted November 6, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Orange Haze:  That’s what happened to most SF Giants’ fans October.   (How did it get to be November already?)

–

When a Dallas radio station asked Jerry Jones if Wade Phillips will finish the season as Cowboys coach, the team owner responded – “Yes.” Of course, the way things are going, the Cowboys’ season will be officially over in about two weeks. 

–

Two players on the New England Patriots were fined by the NFL for their hits last week on Brett Favre. In addition, they may be charged with elder abuse.

–

Now that they’ve won the World Series, the SF Giants will eventually end up making a trip to Washington D.C. to meet President Obama.  And Aubrey Huff will almost certainly end up bringing his red sequined rally thong. Which will be thus become the most famous thong in the White House since… oh, do I even need to finish this one?

–

With a 96-93 victory, the New Orleans Hornets took their turn tonight at being part of what will become one of the most popular headlines in America this fall and winter outside of Miami – “”Fill-in-the-blank-team’ CAN beat the Heat.”

–

Zenyetta, the super mare who is 19-0 and will finish her racing career in the Breeder’s Cup Classic on Saturday, is apparently a Guinness fan, which she will drink from a bowl. 

In fact, the brewery has invited the mare and her trainer to Dublin for her favorite beer fresh from the tap if she wins the race.

If she does win, however, does this mean Guinness could be classificed as a performance enhancing drug?

–

R.I.P Jill Clayburgh  My favorite lines from “Silver Streak,”, in which she plays a woman being hit on in the bar car by a drunk jerk:

“Are you hot?
  What?
  I said, are you hot?                 
  Lady, I am always hot.             
  Maybe I can cool you down.”

And she pours an iced drink down his pants.

–

All these writers and media types talking about the Giants dumping their World Series MVP Edgar Renteria…. Makes a good story but it’s WRONG. All the Giants did was decline to pay him  the club option $10.5 million for next year.

Renteria, who at most would play part-time, can still sign with SF at a reduced price, and may well do so if he doesn’t retire.

–

A colloborative effort mostly written by Bill Littlejohn:    Recently “to honor America,” Major League Baseball has been playing “God Bless America” during the seventh inning stretch of playoff games.

So wonder if next year the SF Giants will honor their ace pitcher Tim Lincecum by playing “Toke me out to the ball game.”

Comments: Be the first to comment

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »