Streaks and geeks.

Posted December 14, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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After this weekend, Minneapolis crews are working frantically to see how long it will take to repair their aging structure and have it NFL ready as soon as possible. And besides Brett Favre, they are hoping to fix the Metrodome too.

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So the Big 10 starting in 2011 will have 12 teams , and the Big 12 starting in 2012 will have 10 teams.  Here’s a radical idea. Swap numbers.

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Instead, the Big Ten, which will now have twelve members, is dividing them into two football divisions: Leaders and Legends. What, they thought the players would find “North-South” or “East-West” too complicated?

Leaders and Legends?  Well it’s hard to figure out who is in which category.  Except for the high-priced consultants who came up with this idea.   For them I think the term is “Losers.”

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But really, don’t those categories sound like a “Comic-con” seminar, or as my friend Tim Church says, a video game?   And then they added this baby blue logo. Just in case the whole package wasn’t dorky enough.

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Brett Favre’s string of 297 straight starts ended today. His continuous passing streak, however, ended when Deanna heard about those texts to Jenn Sterger.

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Current Yankees theme song. “Can’t buy me love, can’t buy me Lee either.”

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Cliff Lee to the Phillies? So much for all those who said it couldn’t get any worse than this year for Mets fans.

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Halladay, Lee, Oswalt, Hamels, Blanton…. Sorry Phillies, but that starting five might almost be as good as Cain, Lincecum, Bumgarner, Sanchez, and either “fill-in-the-blank” or Zito.

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Amazing photos of that deflated Metrodome roof going around. It’s absolutely the most ridiculous image ever to come out of Minneapolis, at least since Deanna Favre took Brett’s camera phone away.

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 More about Sal Alosi, the NY Jets coach who tripped the Dolphins runner from the sidelines. He may receive a fine and/or suspension from the league. But if he can do the same with Michael Vick or Ben Roethlisberger, PETA or NOW will send him a nice bonus.

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The international pole dancing championships are this week in Japan.  The sport is growing and becoming more mainstream, although fans say they were too late to make a serious bid to be included in the 2012 London Olympics.

Although rumor has it the mostly male IOC is looking through their records to see if there is precedent for an exemption.

If pole-dancing ever makes it to the Olympics, we will definitely see a first for the games…. men asking their wives, so when do the gymnastic competitions start?

Comments: 1 Comment

Snow place like home.

Posted December 13, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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 Well, so much for those who said nothing in Minneapolis this year would collapse faster than Brett Favre’s dream of going back to the Super Bowl…

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Brett Favre has apparently told teammates that he doesn’t think he will play Monday night. And God responded  “You mean I collapsed that roof for nothing?”

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Unfortunately for Vikings fans, snow meant their game was postponed. Unfortunately for Bears fans, snow meant their game wasn’t.

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My friend Douglas Hudson commented “how embearassing.”

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But really, the Bears offense falling apart  because a game was played in the snow?    (They lost 36-7 to the New England Patriots)  What’s next, Drew Brees having a bad passing day due to Superdome air conditioning?

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 Meanwhile, in Washington, the Redskins continue their quest to find the most creative possible ways to lose a game. Today a great last minute drive negated by their holder not catching the ball on an extra point try. What’s next? For the price of a charter flight the Stanford band is available.

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In fact, as contentious as things might get in our nation’s capital, the one resolution that would probably get passed unanimously is a bill stating simply “Redskins Suck.”

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New York Jets coach Sal Alosi has apologized for a “total lapse in judgment” for tripping the Dolphins’ Nolan Carroll as he ran along the sidelines during a punt return today. No word on any potential punishment, but on the brighter side Alosi has been offered a job playing defense for the Dallas Cowboys.

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So coach Rex Ryan buried a game ball after his Jets were destroyed on MNF by the mighty Patriots. What’s he going to bury after they got beat by the mediocre Dolphins?

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‎49ers 40 – Seahawks 21. Today’s game at Candlestick Park was so embarassing for Pete Carroll that he had to think he was back with USC playing Stanford.

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 The 5-8 49ers are still inexplicably alive for a playoff spot in the woeful NFL West. And there are signs that coach Mike Singletary has gotten just a bit cocky after this week’s 41-20 drubbing of the Seahawks. For example, in the team’s locker room, Singletary has already hung a banner saying “Mission Accomplished.”

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Although to be fair, S.F.’s win did mean that at least for this year, they’re not the 4 and 9 ers.

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7-11 has come up with their own brand of wine, available exclusively at their convenience stores,, and known as “Cherrywood Cellars.”  Of course, wine snobs might argue that instead of cherries, wine is generally made from grapes.

On the other hand, if you care about what fruit your wine is made from, you probably aren’t shopping for it at 7-11.

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from Bill Littlejohn. on the Japanese space probe that’s hurtling toward the sun after it overshot Venus: “So much for JaMarcus Russell’s career as an aerospace engineer.”

Comments: 4 Comments

The Heisman and other politics

Posted December 12, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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 Regarding President Obama’s efforts to get a tax cuts-umemployment benefits-etc bill through Congress:

It’s pretty clear that some Democrats have either not heard of “Quid pro quo.”  Either that, or they think he is some Korean pitcher signed by the Dodgers or Yankees.

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Okay, just in case you thought you are too sports-obsessed, ESPN Insider has a story tonight about teams that might be on the bubble for March Madness. Yes, that’s March 2011 for a season that’s barely started. And if you are truly concerned about those bubble teams – yes, you might be too sports-obsessed.

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The Giants-Vikings game in Minneapolis has been postponed due to snow. Snow? In Minnesota in December? What’s next? A Miami Dolphins game being postponed due to sun?

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Cam Newton said in his Heisman acceptance speech that “parents do a lot of things behind the scenes that go unnoticed.” And at least one thing that he wishes had stayed unnoticed.

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 Apparently some Heisman voters not didn’t blame Cam Newton for the acts of his father, they felt sympathetic to his parental situation and were  thus more likely to vote for him. Ah, now that might explain a certain young woman’s run on “Dancing with the Stars.”

(well okay, except for the fact that Newton has talent.)

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At least this pre-Heisman hype will finally be simmering down.  A newspaper article on the Heisman finalists said that Andrew Luck could go as high as #1 in the NFL draft. Well, I’m pretty sure he won’t go higher.

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An AP-Stanford poll said 68 percent of Americans believe problems in schools are the fault of the parents. And Cam Newton and his dad said “See?!”

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And Sarah Palin allegedly said the study was  “proof that most Americans want government off their backs regardng their children – that’s less than half.”

Apparently the only thing WikiLeaks chief Julian Assange has been asking for in jail is access to a computer. And sure, what could possibly go wrong with that?

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Paul McCartney is still impressive. But wonder if there’s any truth to the rumor that had he not felt up to performing “Saturday Night Live”  would have postponed the show due to weather to become “Sunday Night Live?”

Don’t get me wrong, Sir Paul is definitely still “dishy.” But at 68 he has had at least as much work done as Nancy Pelosi.

Comments: 1 Comment

A Saturday without college football?

Posted December 11, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

This week, between the regular season and the bowls, is basically the only Saturday without college football. Well, okay, there are some FCS (Division 2) playoffs, and the Army-Navy game.   Which basically means for hard core college fans the message is – “Don’t ask what’s on,” and “Don’t tell me the answer.”

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There is of course a big award ceremony in New York, where the only drama is whether the likely winner is likely to keep his trophy. Maybe for the sake of clarity this year’s award should be referred to as “the Interim Heisman?”

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Saturday over 109,000 fans will crowd into Michigan Stadium for an outdoor hockey game featuring the Wolverines and Michigan State Spartans. This will be the largest crowd at the stadium for any event other than a football game. At least until Michigan sells tickets to the public firing of Rich Rodriguez.

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Urban Meyer resigned from Florida “to spend more time with his family.”  But there is that Broncos head coaching job open, with Tim Tebow. Standby for God to give Meyer a sign about expanding the definition of family.

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A document written by James Naismith 119 years ago detailing the 13 rules of basketball was sold for over $4 million Friday. Naismith wrote the rules while a YMCA PE instructor, as an idea to entertain boys during the winter. Apparently he was particularly concerned about finding an outlet for a young Greg Oden.

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No one was hurt when a camel and her costumed rider fell into the audience during a rehearsal for a Christmas pageant in Florida. I can imagine it now – “We Three Kings….” oops, make that two kings.

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A Burger King employee is in custody today because he punched a 67 year old customer who was allegedly being disruptive, and the man later died. This is shocking. Normally the only thing that will kill you at Burger King are those double and triple Whoppers.

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How lucky is Alex Smith?  He’s had a horrible several years in and as out as quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers, and his poor performances look likely to continue. And yet, he’ still won’t go down in history as the worst Northern California quarterback draft pick this decade.

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The World Anti-Doping Agency is investigating Dimitrij Ovtcharov, who won a silver medal for Germany in table tennis at the Beijing Olympics. Apparently the agency became suspicious when he jumped the net to congratulate an opponent.

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Cam Newton says he “is not disappointed in his father.” Why should he be? Dad got the money and covered his son’s ass to boot.   Not a bad job.

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‎65 days until pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training 2011.  And about three weeks after that until Cubs fans start staying “Wait until Next Year.’

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Sarah Palin is going to Haiti for a humanitarian mission. This could work. Democrats, and some Republicans, are frantically raising money for the beleaguered country in hopes of offering them enough to keep her.

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Allegedly Palin is heading to Haiti because she wants to show her strength in Barack Obama’s childhood home.   I mean, Haiti, Hawaii, it’s the same place, right?  An island that starts with H and ends with I. (Unfortunately she can’t see either from her house.)

Comments: 2 Comments

Tacky time

Posted December 10, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

 The Philadelpha Eagles are complaining that other teams aren’t being penalized for illegal hits on Michael Vick. But really, should they be surprised? It’s a “dog eat dog” world.

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One little potential sidelight of the Orange Bowl, by the way, is that the Stanford band will have an opportunity to do a halftime show while playing Vick’s alma mater, Virginia Tech.  I’m sure if they choose to honor Vick it will be done in a tasteful fashion.

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Alex Smith of the San Francisco 49ers said in an interview he still believes he’s a good quarterback. Even Sarah Palin said “That man is seriously delusional.”

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The University of Texas paid football coach Mack Brown over $5 million this year. And the Longhorns won exactly five games. Wow.  Maybe this is the guy who should be coaching the 49ers and Alex Smith.

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$1 million dollars a victory. That’s actually less than what the San Francisco Giants have paying Barry Zito.

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That fired Macy’s Santa from San Francisco, (who was  fired for telling a very mildly risque joke to an older adult couple who wanted to sit on his lap)  has become an international sensation.  Newspapers and media outlets from all over the world are picking up the story. And tonight, Santa, aka John Toomey, appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Apparently current day Macy’s executives learned NOTHING from watching “Miracle on 34th Street.”  .

(for anyone who hasn’t heard the joke, it’s retold at the bottom of this blog.)

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So DADT failed on the floor of the Senate Thursday because “only” 57 Senators wanted to bring it to a vote. Uh, maybe I’m wrong but I thought part of what our military has been fighting for is the right to have a majority-rule democracy.

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Derek Fisher made a last-second layup for the Lakers to beat the Clippers 87-86.  A buzzer-beater against the Clippers? Shouldn’t that have an asterisk?

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We’re less than a week from the end of the college football season, and a month away from the end of the bowl season. And so far Iowa’s WR Derrell Johnson Koulianos and Nebraska’s DT Baker Steinkuhler have been arrested. Disappointing on some level but good news for all those who took “over” in the police blotter pool.

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You cannot make this stuff up: I received an email on behalf of two cruise clients from Princess Cruises warning that their immigration information was not complete and they would not be able to board. Turns out they had passport, birthdates, etc, all fine, but the missing information was that they forgot to say Mr. Scott X is male, and Mrs. Sarah X is female.

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Thought from Bill Littlejohn: “The first seven minutes of the men’s college basketball game between Illinois and Oakland was reportedly mistakenly played with a womens ball.Actually, it was a men’s ball that had been mistakenly stored in the Colorado Rockies’ humidor” 
 

(Wonder how they could tell they had the women’s ball. The ref’s first clue might have been that the players were actually passing it.)

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The joke that got Santa fired at Macy’s, which he said he never told to children, was that the reason Santa is so jolly is that “he knows where all the naughty boys and girls live.”

Comments: 5 Comments

Brainiacs and “Not-so-brainy-acs.”

Posted December 9, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

 

Jerry Brown talked in a town hall style meeting today about solving the budget crisis and people needing to get rid of their “intellectual predilections.” “Intellectual predilections.” I think a lot of Californians (and others) would pay to hear Arnold Schwarzenegger try to say that three times real fast.

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The Baltimore Orioles’ Luke Scott says he doesn’t believe President Obama was born in the United States. But come on, what do you expect of a player dumb enough to sign with the Orioles?

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Another thought regarding the Orioles’ Luke Scott and his statement that Obama wasn’t born in the U.S. Is that because Scott thinks the President was born in Kenya, or he just doesn’t realize Hawaii is a state?

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After all that sparring in the media, Derek Jeter says he and the Yankees are now just “one big happy family.” This after New York upped their offer from $45 to $51 million for three years. So, $6 million for family happiness – sounds like about the same amount Kobe paid his jeweller.

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FIFA President Sepp Blatter says there is “no systematic corruption” at his organization, and that England is just a “sore loser” about Russia and Qatar being awarded the 2018 and 2022 World Cups. Uh, Mr. Blatter, it’s not an either/or question.

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South Carolina governor Mark Sanford now says his 2009 affair and disgrace actually made him a more effective governor. Hmm, maybe now we know why Bill Clinton was able to get so much legislation passed.

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We don’t need no stinkin’ playoffs: According to the Chronicle of Higher Education, the SEC just became the first conference to pass the $1 BILLION mark in sports revenue, due to television contracts and the earnings of some of their top football teams.

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Gary Morton points out that Iowa is indeed going to this year’s Insight Bowl.   But as noted yesterday,  the team’s top receiver, Derrell Johnson-Koulianos, known as DJK,  will not be going anywhere with the team, since he was arrested and charged with running a “drug house.

So this may be the only time that DJK and “Insight” will be used in the same sentence.

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Texas  defensive end Sam Acho beat out 16 other finalists to become this year’s recipient of the the  William V. Campbell award,  given to college football’s top scholar-athlete.

The standard for becoming a finalist?  Being able to spell “scholar-athlete.”

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To signify moving on, New York Jets Rex Ryan buried a game ball from Monday night’s blowout 45-3 loss to the Patriots. Many Jets fans who had to suffer through the game liked the buried football idea, but wished Ryan had gone further and buried some of the team with it.

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Urban Meyer resigned, again, as the University of Florida’s football coach, saying he wanted to spend more time with his family. Yeah, I guess family may not trump a BCS bowl-level team, but they are more rewarding than a Gators team that goes 7-5 and backs into the Outback Bowl.

Comments: 2 Comments

Plus ca change…

Posted December 8, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Mike Singletary has announced that Alex Smith will start in place of Troy Smith next Sunday. Okay, that’s it. The phrase “rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic” has now been officially updated for the 21st century to “re-arranging quarterbacks on the 49ers.”

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So Albert Haynesworth was suspended for four games which means he will not be on the field for the 5-7 (and fading fast) Washington Redskins for the remainder of the season. Given Albert’s bad attitude, why did the team choose to reward him?

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Sarah Palin has now turned her attention to Wikileaks founder Julian Assanger, and tweeted “Someone making things up again? Keep seeing this quote attributed to me. Huh?” I guess no one is supposed to attribute quotes to Palin except her ghostwriters.

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R.I.P. Elizabeth Edwards. Her useless husband probably did love her, at least as much as he loved anyone who was not himself.

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After being arrested and charged with six counts of drug possession, Iowa senior star wide-receiver Derrell Johnson-Koulianos has been suspended from “all team activities.”

Now, Iowa’s not going anywhere this December.  But it brings to mind another question, what’s the over-under on player arrests before the bowl season starts?

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Remember that college football gamme they played in Wrigley Field with only one endzone?

Maybe Wrigley should be the home of this year’s Meinke Car Car Bowl. Featuring the 88th ranked offense of the University of South Florida Bulls, vs. the 86th ranked offense of the Clemson Tigers. Forget one endzone, they teams wouldn’t need any.

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Hal Rogers, a Kentucky Congressman known as the “Prince of Pork” for his skill at getting money for his hometown, has been named head of the Appropriations Committee, which will allegedly lead the GOP drive to cut federal earmarks.

Isn’t this like having unwed teen mother Bristol Palin spearhead an abstinence drive?

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Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times picked up on this one… how did I miss it?

“Boulder, Colo., and Ann Arbor, Mich., came in 1-2 when Portfolio.com released its list of America’s 10 brainiest cities.

Apparently it was determined before the Buffs’ and Wolverines’ last football-coaching hires.”

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An actual serious thought:

‎30 years ago a part-time security guard with a history of mental illness was nonetheless able to get both a gun and hollow-point bullets. And he shot John Lennon. Yet there are still millions of Americans who don’t see the need for gun control laws. Imagine.

Comments: 9 Comments

When bad things happen to good quarterbacks…

Posted December 7, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Peyton Manning is saying that the Indianapolis Colts’ inexplicably bad season is his fault. Unreal, Peyton’s not blaming the media? Or the President? Surely some of this is Obama’s fault….

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Mark Sanchez had one of those nights where he had to wish he was still back at USC.  Especially this year, as since the Trojans are on probation.  And he wouldn’t have had to play in December.

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R.I.P Don Meredith, as my friend Alex Kaseberg said “with him around you could actually tolerate Howard Cosell.”

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Not only would “Dandy Don” Meredith have been singing “Turn out the lights, the party’s over” during Monday Night Football’s Jets-Pats game, he would have been singing it at halftime.

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Newt Gingrich has indicated he is interested in running for President in 2012. 

So let me see if I have this straight.  Newt’s had three marriages, (and each time being involved with the next wife while married to the current wife), plus he was reprimanded while Speaker by Congress for ethics violations. 

Sure, I can see why he’d be the darling of the family values conservatives who want to restore faith in the Presidency…,

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Another reason to want a college football playoff: Oregon and Auburn now have to wait FIVE weeks for their BCS Championship Game. Five weeks??! Some of the players will get so bored they may actually go to class.

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And the national championship will pit Auburn, with its controversy regarding Cam Newton, vs Oregon, with its leading running back, LaMichael James, on probation for a domestic violence incident. Makes a certain amount of sense that the stadium is sponsored by that hallowed institution, the University of Phoenix.

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Jayson Werth – a seven year $126 million dollar contract for the Nationals? With that kind of overspending, are we sure Congress wasn’t involved?

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The University of Connecticut must sell 17,500 tickets to the Fiest Bowl, or have to pay for the tickets themselves.    This is a variation on a thought from yesterday, but maybe they should double the price of men’s and women’s basketball tickets, and include a bowl game ticket for free?

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Latest in the “It’s all relative department”: Tiger Woods lost a four shot lead, and then lost the Chevron World Challenge to Graeme McDowell in a playoff today. But Tiger still probably had a better first weekend in December than he did last year.

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Reader Augie sent this great “quote” in,  a supposed retort from Bristol Palin to Margaret Cho: “If you understood that commonsense conservative values supports the right of individuals like you, like all of us, to live our lives with less government interference and more independence, you would embrace us faster than KD Lang at an Indigo Girls concert.” 

Okay, a show of hands please from everyone who thinks Bristol wrote that.

Okay, how about a show of hands from everyone who thinks Bristol, age 20, even knows who KD Lang is.

Comments: 3 Comments

Bowls and bowled over.

Posted December 6, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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 Well, today’s game against the Buffalo Bills is likely to result in Brett Favre’s fewest interceptions of the season, since he was knocked out of the game after his first pass. (Which was, curiously enough, intercepted.)

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Many in the media are questioning whether the Vikings stuck with Brad Childress too long, with interim coach Leslie Frazier now 2-0. Although with today’s 38-14 win over the Bills after Brett Favre was knocked out early, maybe Childress isn’t the only one Minnesota has stuck with too long.

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Giants 31, Redskins 7. Well, as long as Dan Snyder is around, Barack Obama never has to worry about being the most unpopular man in Washington.

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Owner Jed York predicted the 49ers would make the playoffs this year.  Playoffs?  San Francisco isn’t even likely to end up with a record that would make them NCAA bowl eligible.

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NFL union has told players to prepare for a lockout. If so, Stanford fans are more than happy to prepare for seeing Andrew Luck return for another year.

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Four interceptions today for Peyton Manning? Guess he really does think he’s the next Brett Favre.

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Anyone left to doubt the value of television viewers over fans and ticket sales as far as Bowl Games?  Distance between Bradley International Airport (Hartford, Connecticut) and Miami 1194 miles. Distance between Bradley and Phoenix, 2213 miles.

Distance between San Francisco Airport and Phoenix 651 miles, Distance between SFO and Miami, 2585. 

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The Big East and U Conn had lobbied the Orange Bowl heavily to pick their team, to no available. Maybe the Huskies should have offered to have their women’s and men’s basketball teams play at halftime.

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Another reason, besides geography, that Stanford should have been in in the Fiesta Bowl. Would have made sense that the bowl sponsored by Tostitos should have a team from the state that almost legalized marijuana.

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On the other hand,  I can see the Orange Bowl’s point.  Temple, 8-4, was denied any bowl bid whatsover, due to their weak schedule.  And one of those eight teams they beat?  Big East champion Connecticut.

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Delaware Republican Christine O’Donnell set a state record by spending more than $6.1 million in her losing Senate campaign against Democrat Chris Coons.

And Meg Whitman said “Damn, I tried to buy the wrong state.”

Comments: 2 Comments

Amateur sports?

Posted December 5, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Cam Newton led Auburn into the BCS national championship with an emphatic 56-17 drubbing of South Carolina. I will say one thing, the Tigers are certainly getting more value for what they’re paying their quarterback than the San Francisco 49ers.

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This could be the year for two BCS winners. Auburn if they beat Oregon. And then the Ducks when the NCAA finally gets around to disqualifying the Tigers after the game.

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And tomorrow the BCS picks will be announced. But instead of going by rankings, the postseason bowls will pick largely on economic factors – how many tickets a team will sell, and how much of a television audience they may attract.

In related news, the New York Yankees have asked Bud Selig to consider a BCS type system.

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On a lighter note, the University of Cincinnati Bearcats mascot was ejected from the game between the Bearcats and Pittsburgh, for throwing snowballs at fans in the stands. On a brighter note, since he hit his targets, he was immediately then offered a tryout with the Bengals.

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Jeb Bush called Sarah Palin “fantastic.” Based on this definition from Merriam-Webster I’d have to agree with him: 1a: based on fantasy : not real b : conceived or seemingly conceived by unrestrained fancy c : so extreme as to challenge belief.

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The San Jose State Spartans finished off a woeful football season by losing 26 to 23 to Idaho State in overtime. About the only silver ling for San Jose fans.  None of that Sharks postseason letdown.

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San Francisco Giants (and Brian Wilson fans) rejoice:  “The Machine” is back. Pat Burrell resigned with the SF Giants for $1 million without an agent, saying he had made plenty of money and wanted to remain a part of “something special” with his hometown team. Upon hearing the news Derek Jeter just giggled.

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The University of Kentucky has resubmitted their basketball eligibility case for Enes Kanter, who was ruled ineligible for receiving excessive benefits while playing for a club team in Turkey. The school is arguing that like Cam Newton, Kanter was unaware there was an amateurism violation. Translation: if you pretend to believe Auburn’s B.S., why not ours?

Comments: 2 Comments

Skid marks.

Posted December 4, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

The recently reeling Los Angeles Lakers discovered the cure for a four game skid: It’s called “Play the Sacramento Kings.”

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Apparently Lebron James soured his friendship with former Cavaliers teammate Dennis Gibson with his trash talking during the game Thursday night. Amazing. There was someone left in Cleveland that Lebron hadn’t alienated already?

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Amongst the many points of contention between the NFL owners and players is the potential overall economic impact of a lockout. Yet another sad chapter in the ongoing war between millionaires vs. billionaires.

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Officials from the New York Thruway said they could have done better job dealing with snow after hundreds of motorists were stranded on the road for several hours near Buffalo.   A better job?  Ya think?

Who are these guys, moonlighters from the Bills coaching staff?.

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No one was hurt at Minneapolis-St. Paul Aiport when a Delta Airlines jet slipped off the runway at  during a snow storm.  

Next up for Delta, a snow tire surcharge.

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The Disney-created town of Celebration, Florida had its second violent death in less than a week when a man turned his gun on himself after a police standoff. Although no statistics are available on the number of suicides from people faced with the idea of riding “It’s a Small World” one more time.

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A New York source tells the media that the last obstacle to Derek Jeter and the Yankees finalizing a contract is Jeter’s refusal to accept the fact he is 36 years old and not 26. When he figures it out, maybe he can tell Brett Favre?

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More on that 2022 World Cup:  How did FIFA pick Qatar, with its 118 degree temperatures for the World Cup? Curiously, 118 degrees is also allegedly the temperature at which vuvuzelas melt.

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While some in the U.S. cried foul at the World Cup selection process, rumor has it that FIFA just laughed and said they weren’t even in the same league as the BCS.

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George W. Bush’s “Decision Points” is outselling Sarah Palin’s “America by Heart.”  Makes sense – while they have overlapping fans W’s came out first, which means by the time Palin’s memoir came out, folks had already bought their book for the year.

Comments: 1 Comment

Random randomness.

Posted December 3, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Jamie Moyer, 48, just had Tommy John surgery but will attempt a comeback in 2012. Even Brett Favre is saying “Dude, give it up already.”

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Qatar won the World Cup bid for 2022.

That’s Q-A-T-A-R.     No U (or S).  

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The U.S. spent millions of dollars on its unsuccessful 2022 bid.  Apparently FIFA was undeterred by the money, and the promise of hundreds of fans at each game.

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On the other hand,  the average temperature during the day in Qatar during the time of year that the World Cup is played – 118 degrees..

At least this time when players flop, they’ll be doing it for a reason.

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118 degrees for an outdoor sporting event?  This could be even worse damage done to a sport by the heat since Lebron left for South Beach.

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NCAA President Mark Emmert said he was aware of the outrage regarding their Cam Newton decision, and vowed to fix the loophole. Right, either after South Carolina upsets Auburn Saturday, or after the BCS Championship game. Wonder how these kids get the idea it’s all about money….

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Of course, any final decision on Cam Newton’s eligibility will come only after discussion with the SEC – or as Augie says – “the Southern Ethics Committee.

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John McCain has been criticizing President Obama as “inexperienced.”  But by McCain standards, Jamie Moyer and Brett Favre are inexperienced.

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NASA has discovered a new form of life that can thrive on arsenice.  I can see it now, “Honestly, your honor, I wasn’t trying to kill my husband, I thought he was an alien.”

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Bristol Palin lashed out at Keith Olberman for calling her a hypocrite, saying that’s an “old canard.” Shocking. Who taught her the word “canard?”

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Snow could shut down the city of Buffalo for the remainder of the week. And even worse news for sports fans, since the Bills are playing in Minnesota, it won’t even at least cancel their game.

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Christine O’Donnell has just tweeted that she has signed a book contract. No publication date as yet but that will be announced as soon she finds someone to write it for her.

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from Bill Littlejohn:

The Washington Redskins have announced that they will grant full refunds for all tickets in the event of a work stoppage. They will pay out retroactively starting with the Monday night game against Philadelphia”

Comments: 2 Comments

Law and Order – BCS and NFL

Posted December 2, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Auburn and the  NCAA said Cam Newton’s father broke rules.   But while the University declared their quarterback ineligible, the NCAA then immediately reinstated him for the SEC title game this weekend.  How does this make sense?  Because it’s the SEC, of course.

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Anyone want to lay odds on what would have happened if it were say, the TCU quarterback who was in the same situation as Newton?

We actually already know, he’d be cheerleading this weekend.

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Reggie Bush is thinking “Damn, if I just let Dad handle the negotiations.

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There’s a new response for high school and college sports stars who want to keep their eligibility.  “Don’t talk to me, my parents handle all the money issues.”

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Meanwhile, in the NFL, Roger Goddell decided not to suspend Texans star wide receiver Andre Johnson, despite the fact that Johnson was involved in an actual fist fight on the field last Sunday.  Coincidentally the Texans just happen to be on Thursday night football.

Goddell’s talked about a strict discipline policy that will teach players a lesson.  I guess the lesson here is,  just don’t get in any fights before weeks your team is playing a game that will be blacked out.

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And meanwhile,  Derek Anderson, who became a YouTube sensation for his outburst in a post-game press conference Monday night, gave what appeared to be a heartfelt apology Wednesday.

“There is a more professional way I could have handled that. I wasn’t raised that way. My mom and dad didn’t raise me to act like that in times of adversity.”

Translation….  Well, wouldn’t you have liked to listen in on the call Derek probably got from his mom Tuesday morning?

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S.F. Giants fans think they know “torture.”  But 49ers fans get to live with the knowledge that their team bypassed Aaron Rodgers in the 2005 draft in order to take Alex Smith.

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The NCAA’s rationale for reinstating Cam Newton is that there isn’t enough evidence that he knew he was being “shopped.” Yet ESPN reported two recruiters said he told them his dad chose Auburn because “the money was too much.” Even the O.J. jurors are saying “This guy got away with murder.”

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Men are especially glad Cyber Monday is over.  Wonder how many tried to alternate shopping with looking at porn and accidentally ordered their wives inflatable dolls for Christmas?

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An ESPN executive, Norby Williamson, said he does not think Jon Gruden will take the head coaching job at the University of Miami – “He is in year 2 of a long-term contract, and we expect Jon to be on ‘Monday Night Football’ doing what he’s been doing for a long time to come.”  Translation, or at least until he gets a better offer.

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If openly gay men and women in the military is such a problem, why aren’t the same people fighting the repeal of DADT talking about the issue of gays in TSA, or going through security lines? Wouldn’t same-sex gay patdowns be just as much of a potential danger/distraction

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The Los Angeles Lakers lost their fourth game in a row Wednesday night. Who do they think they are? The Miami Heat?

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Great riddle from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times:

Q: What do you get when you cross NASCAR with the Miami Heat?

A: The Daytona Barely .500

Comments: 2 Comments

Don’t ask….

Posted December 1, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

 According to a Pentagon report, most U.S. troops don’t mind the idea of gays and lesbians serving in the military. The strongest pockets of resistance, however, come from the Marines. I guess they’re looking for “a few good men,” but not any fabulous ones.

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Actually, since the Marines are the branch of the U.S. Military that seem happiest with the current “stay in the closet” strategy,  maybe Tom Cruise was right in that movie when he told Jack Nicholson, “You can’t can’t handle the truth.”

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Meanwhile, in the NBA, the Lakers have lost three games in a row.  But hey, it’s the November and the beginning of the season – which means the team’s response to this “slump”  – “Don’t ask, don’t care.”

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Quarterback Derek Anderson of the Arizona Cardinals went on a profanity-laced tirarde during a post-game news conference last night. He was almost as upset as many of the fans who were looking forward all week to the MNF game, and then discovered it was 49ers-Cardinals.

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Some NFL teams are starting to send out season ticket renewal notices, but the league has announced that in case of a lockout, unplayed game tickets will be fully refunded. After Monday night’s game, fans in Arizona are now praying for a lockout.

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Sports Illustrated has selected Drew Brees as their Sportsman of the Year, for his performance on and off the field in New Orleans. Would be interesting to see who would be their “Bad Sportsman of the Year.” (I know who they’d pick in Cleveland..) But any suggestions?  Please feel free to add in comments.

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So the Giants signed Miguel Tejada to a one-year $6.5 million deal. Tejada batted .269 with 15 home runs, 26 doubles and 71 RBIs betwees two clubs in 2010. Guess S.F. decided he was a better value than a shortstop who batted .270 with 10 home runs, 30 doubles, and 67 RBIs in 2010 – Derek Jeter.

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An Alabama P.A announcer was fired for playing “Take the Money and Run” when Cam Newton and the Auburn Tigers played the Crimson Tide last weekend.

On the brighter side, the announcer has been offered a job in Cleveland when Lebron James and the Heat play the Cavs on Thursday.

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Actually, while it’s not great sportsmanship, there’s a lot of potential for songs when certain teams or stars show come to town.  For example, how about these suggestions for any game that Brett Favre is the visiting quarterback – “Yesterday.”, or Julian Lennon’s “Just Too Late for Goodbyes.”

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And for that matter, what about the new potential TSA theme song – “The Way That I Want to Touch You.”

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So TCU (situated in Fort Worth,)  will now be in the Big East.  This means that along with schools such as Rutgers and Connecticut, the conference will cover Texas, Kentucky (Louisville) and Florida (University of South Florida.). 

What’s next, a school from Eastern Washington or California?

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Comments: 2 Comments

Bowling for dollars…

Posted November 30, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

TCU, (Texas Christian University) ,which is in Fort Worth, just accepted an invitation to join the Big East. Looks like the folks in Texas take geography as seriously as they take history and science.

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Although to be fair, Fort Worth is at least in the Eastern half  of Texas?

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The reason for this alignment is simple, if TCU is part of a major conference, they have a theoretical chance every year to go to a big money bowl game, which the BCS hopes will shut many of its critics up.   (Although anyone who thinks this will toughen up their schedule…. let’s see, Connecticut, Rutgers, Louisville, U Conn….it’s not exactly a murderer’s row football conference.)

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With TCU adopting the “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” to the BCS system by joining the Big East, that leaves Boise State as the odd team out of the independent powerhouses.

Presumably the Broncos are looking for a conference that’s a good fit for their abilities – maybe the NFC West?

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Funeral arrangements are pending for Leslie Nielsen. Apparently he wanted an open-casket ceremony with his body unclothed. For all those who have never seen a grown man naked.

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Now there are rumors that the Broncos may have videotaped other teams besides the 49ers. And yet Denver is 3 and 7. This could end up being the worst waste of film since “Ishtar.”

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Meanwhile, the San Francisco 49ers, now 4 and 7, are alive for a playoff spot. Only in the NFC West can a team potentially qualify for the postseason with a record that might not even make them NCAA bowl eligible.

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Apparently Miami Heat players are complaining about coach Erik Spoelstra, saying he is “not letting them be themselves.” Oh, I don’t know, based on their ego-driven offseason antics, maybe the problem is that Spoelstra is letting Lebron and company absolutely be themselves.

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Tonight, however, the Heat clubhouse is full of a little more sweetness and light.  Of course, that’s because they took advantage of one temporary cure for a tough season – playing the Wizards.

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So the San Francisco 49ers, now 4 and 7, are alive for a playoff spot. Only in the NFL West can a team potentially qualify for the postseason with a record that might not even make them NCAA bowl eligible.

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New York is playing hardball with Derek Jeter over his contract.  One Yankees staffer reported said that Jeter and his agent, Casey Close, need to “drink the reality potion.”

Okay, did you ever think you’d hear the words “Yankees” and “reality potion” in a discussion involving salaries?

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The University of Michigan is paying Rich Rodriguez a lot of money. And because he left his old school and broke a contract to coach the Wolverines, they are paying off his old school, West Virginia, as well.

Now Michigan is probably heading to the Insight Bowl.  (See if you can name the place and date of that one without looking it up.)  The West Virginia Mountaineers, however, if they win on Saturday, will probably go to the BCS Orange bowl.

Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?

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Monday night was the premier of “Skating with the Stars.”  Finally, a television option for those who feel “Dancing with the Stars” just isn’t gay enough

Comments: 6 Comments

Cyber monday…

Posted November 29, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Which means, if you’re reading this instead of shopping you’ve either got all your shopping done or you’re waiting until Christmas Eve?

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Cyber Monday – it’s one day of the year when bosses may not cyber-snoop on employees, because they’re too busy shopping themselves. what

And if they do catch their employees hiding something, at least it’s not likely to be porn or solitaire.

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Actually, it’s a really good thing Cyber Monday isn’t in March.   Considering that most people fill out their NCAA brackets the day after “Selection Sunday,” both sexes could combine to bring American worker productivity to a complete halt.

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Some Northern California media types expected the Oakland Raiders to “make a statement” against the Miami Dolphins Sunday.

Actually, the Raiders did make a statement – Unfortunately it was – “We still basically suck.”

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Hard to believe but with two pro teams (okay at least semi-pro) teams in the San Francisco Bay area, the top NFL quarterback currently in Northern California is probably already Andrew Luck.

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And with #4 Stanford now projected to go to the Fiesta Bowl, the University of Phoenix stadium, which also will host the BCS Championship game,  can claim to be hosting three of the top matchups of amateur teams in the nation.

Five if you count the 49ers – Cardinals game Monday night.

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Many in the media are taking Derek Jeter’s side in his contentious contract negotiations, with a USA Today article talking about how the Yankees are “jilting” Jeter.

“Jilting?”  Really?  To the tune of a $45 million contract?  As far as being jilted in New York the only people who have come close to that kind of payout have married Donald Trump..

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Leslie Nielsen died tonight at a Fort Lauderdale hospital.  Which is a “big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.” R.I.P. to one of the funniest men of our generation.

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Sarah Palin is complaining about “bluebloods and intellectuals.” Well, fine, except that pretty much describes our founding fathers.

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Comments: 5 Comments

Grey Cup day

Posted November 28, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

And no, the Grey Cup isn’t any game involving Brett Favre.

It’s the Canadian Football League championship.  Sunday, November 28.  (And they don’t play Thanksgiving weekend, because Canadian Thanksgiving was weeks ago.)

Anyway,  for any U.S. fans who were complaining about the weather for games today (and yes, that includes Stanford fans when the weather dipped into the 40s), the Grey Cup will be played in Edmonton, Alberta.  Outdoors. With the predicted weather minus 10 degrees. Plus wind chill

The game will feature the Saskatchewan Roughriders  against the Montreal Alouettes; it will be the eighth Grey Cup championship game for Montreal since 2000.

On the other hand, until 2009, “les Alouettes”had lost the last four Grey Cups they had played in, leading some to wonder whether “Alouettes” translates into English as Buffalo Bills.

(Actually for anyone who cares, Alouettes are little skylarks.)

The Alouettes franchise actually has gone out of business a few times, and was replaced most recently (in 1996) by a team that moved from Baltimore.  Are you listening, Jerry Jones?  This might be a way to put your Cowboys into contention for a championship.

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Back to U.S. sports..

Today probably marked the end of the Rich Rodriguez era in Michigan, although it was only January 2010, when Rodriguez started to pay off $1.5 million of his buyout clause from when he left West Virginia. Sort of like your trophy wife marriage breaking up when you have just begun to pay your first wife alimony.

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Meanwhile, Stanford shut out Oregon State 38-0.  The third shutout of the year for the Cardinal. Out of 12 games. That’s actually a better percentage than the World Champion San Francisco Giants’ pitching staff.

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Not that Stanford fans show up regularly to see their (potentially) #4 ranked team.  Now, admittedly it was Thanksgiving weekend, and cold with the threat of rain. 

Nonetheless, the University may have had more applications for their freshman class than they had fans in the stands today.

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Meanwhile, this year’s BCS games get murkier and murkier.  As Bill Littlejohn said, this week BCS may stand for “Boise Choked, Seriously.”

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The Denver Broncos were fined $100,000 by the NFL for illegally taping a San Francisco practice in London last month. Cheating to try to beat the 49ers? The Broncos may try to avoid the fine by using the insanity defense.

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Nike’s running ads for the new Lebron 8 basketball shoes. Who’d a thunk that 8 would also be the number of Heat losses before the end of November.

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And finally, Willie Nelson was arrested AGAIN for pot possession.  Can the man just move to California and get a medical marijuana prescription?  

Comments: 2 Comments

Once again, the Barely Credible System

Posted November 27, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Hard to believe not so long ago that there were college football fans who thought the bowl system was so messed up that the BCS could only be an improvement….

Friday night, 10-1 Nevada did their part to murky the waters by upsetting Boise State in overtime, 34-31.

This after an earlier in the season 52-31 drubbing of Cal.

So why aren’t the Wolfpack themselves in the BCS title hunt? One earlier season loss on the road, in Honolulu to Hawaii.  (Can’t imagine any of the players were too distracted there….)

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In any case, maybe the Pac 10, soon to be Pac 12, should have considerd Nevada before they made an offer to the Colorado Buffaloes (who this year are 5-6, including a 7-52 loss to those same Cal Bears.)

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Many football fans think teams like Boise State and Nevada and TCU shouldn’t be eligible for the National Championship because they play in weak conferences with consequently weaker schedules. But by that token no team should be Super Bowl eligible coming out of the NFC West.

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Ohio State president took on teams like Boise State and TCU in a media battle…..saying that the Buckeyes don’t play “the Little Sisters of the Poor.”

Possibly not, but the Little Sisters of the Poor might be favored in a matchup with Eastern Michigan, who Ohio State did select to fill an opening on their schedule.  (And beat 73-20.)

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Meanwhile, in the first half of their game against Notre Dame today, Cal scored 5. Yes, FIVE.  And no, it wasn’t a field goal and a safety. This was basketball. Most embarrassing thing to happen to the Golden Bears since last week’s football game against Stanford.

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Danny McDevitt died this week at the age of 78.  He was probably best known for being the last  Dodger pitcher to win a game in Brooklyn at Ebbets Field.   Apparently at his funeral his family hopes to have him eulogized by the game’s losing pitcher, Jamie Moyer.

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On the Tonight Show, Jay Leno pushed Cher for her opinion on the Tea Party.  And she finally stated she thought they were “f**king nuts.”

But lets be fair, with Bristol Palin’s new campaign, maybe some of them are becoming “abstinent nuts.”

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From the very funny Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Star Phoenix:   “The bat Kirk Gibson  used to hit his legendary home run in the 1988 World Series sold at auction for $575,000. Meanwhile, the one Vladimir Guerrero used in the 2010 World Series sold at auction for firewood.

Comments: 1 Comment

Happy Turkey Day.

Posted November 26, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

On Thanksgiving, a brief post to thank everyone who makes writing this blog possible.

First of all and most important,  any and all readers.

But I couldn’t do this without the people who give me so much material –  a brief but not exhaustive list:

Brett Favre, Jamie Moyer, Tiger Woods, Lebron James, Sarah Palin, Christine O’Donnell, the Chicago Cubs, the Dallas Cowboys, the San Francisco Fourth and Niners,  the New York Yankees  (and Mets), John McCain, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Meg Whitman, Jerry Brown….

Along with most of Congress (both parties), the BCS, and the NCAA in general.  Not to mention more pro-athletes than I could possibly list.

And for Canadian readers, the Toronto Maple Leafs.  (aka the Chicago Cubs of the NHL)

Back to the regular posts tomorrow.

Comments: 3 Comments

Does being QB mean never having to say you’re sorry?

Posted November 25, 2010 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

 Three days after their much publicized postgame argument,  Vince Young apparently texted an apology to coach Jeff Fisher.

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The text apparently didn’t go over well.  But really, how could you doubt  the sincerity of “OMG, @TEOTD, MY BAD, TTYL.”

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Coach Fisher is also apparently not a fan of modern technology in general.  Although he gets the basics.  When asked about Young later his alleged response – he’s GTG.

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A third straight loss for the Heat tonight. Well, we certainly know what NBA fans outside Miami are thankful for this year.

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Tom Delay was convicted today of money laundering. So the former Speaker of the House may not have won “Dancing with the Stars, but the jury decided that he was definitely “Dancing with the Truth.”

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Sarah Palin’s latest target, Michelle Obama: “Take her anti-obesity thing that she is on. What she is telling us is she cannot trust parents to make decisions for their own children, in what (they) should eat.” Uh, Sarah, about that trust thing. Have you checked out the U.S. childhood obesity stats lately? It’s about 1 in 3.

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But okay, Sarah thinks Michelle should drop the anti-obesity campaign and stay out of other people’s personal business. I’m waiting for her to tell Bristol she needs to drop the abstinence campaign and to stay out of other people’s sex lives.

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from Gary Morton:

Paterno’s alma mater, Brown, played in the 1916 Rose Bowl. It’s not true that Joe started at QB for the Bears that day – freshmen weren’t eligible to play then.

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A couple travelers have decided to protest the new TSA rules by simply wearing Speedos to the airport. Let’s hope this doesn’t catch on. But if it does, I think I can speak for all Americans when I say, it’s a good thing John Madden only travels by bus.

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Sarah Palin supporters laugh off the little gaffe she made in a radio interview, confusing North Korea with South Korea. And sure, anyone can make a mistake. But can you imagine her in the Oval Office? Red button, green button, it’s all so confusing….

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Some NFL fans have been urging the league to drop the Detroit Lions, who haven’t had a winning season in ten years, from hosting a traditional Thanksgiving day game. On the other hand, keeping the tradition alive does guarantee that all Americans can at least see a holiday turkey.

Comments: 1 Comment

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