Red, red, whine…..

Posted April 20, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

After an outcry from vegans, Starbucks is changing its Strawberry Soy Frappucino recipe to eliminate a common red dye made from crushed cochineal bugs, in favor of a tomato-based extract. Here’s a radical idea, what about using strawberries?

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Newt Gingrich is apparently still getting Secret Service protection. Although at this point the security detail has been reduced to three people. Curiously, that’s about as many as his remaining supporters.”

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An Alabama football player has been hospitalized following a fight where shots were fired. What’s was the kid doing, trying to get on the draft radar for the Cincinnati Bengals?

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The Colts have apparently told Andrew Luck he’ll be their #1 pick. In related news a Kenyan won the Boston Marathon.

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Carnival-owned Princess Cruises doing an internal investigation because one of their ships allegedly ignored a small boat in distress and two men died. Will the captain’s defense be that he just thought it was another Costa captain who fell into a lifeboat?

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About 50 students at Berkeley High School in California will be suspended and two or three expelled for a scheme where they got into the school’s computer and were able to change their attendance record for several months. Wonder how many high tech companies have offered the kids who were involved jobs?

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Bud Selig said today that the Oakland A’s need a new stadium to survive, but he has “no timetable” for the resolution of their territorial rights issue with the Giants, an issue Selig formed a “blue ribbon committee” for over 3 years ago. Even Brett Favre is saying “Make up your bleeping minds.”

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Arkansas AD Jeff Long says he has 25 pages of detailed notes from ex-coach Petrino and Jessica Dorrell about their relationship. Now court documents say John Edwards’ trial will include “intimate voice-mail messages” between him and Rielle Hunter. Which of these wins the TMI award?

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Former Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino told his boss that his affair with Jessica Dorrell only began last fall when they were sitting in a car eating lunch and she said “are you going to kiss me?” Where’s the “Just say No” campaign when you need it.

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Petrino said his affair with Jessica Dorrell lasted about 5 months and was over in February. Right. Nothing says a relationship is over like a secret motorcycle ride for two at midnight.

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SMU hired Larry Brown as their head men’s basketball coach. Brown, 71, hasn’t coached since he looked over-the-hill in 2010 and left the Charlotte Bobcats with a 9-19 record. Considering the Bobcats this year are 7-54, Larry now looks like a genius by comparison.

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Obama re-election campaign offering supporters a chance to enter a raffle for dinner with the President and Georgy Clooney. Wonder if Romney campaign will counter with a raffle for Mitt and Ted Nugent?

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A Delta Airlines flight leaving JFK Airport today hit a flock of birds and had to return for an emergency landing. No injuries were reported. Well, except for the birds.

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The way the San Jose Sharks playing Thursday night looks like someone pulled the plug on their power plays.

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The Vatican is blasting the “Leadership Conference of Women Religious”, a U.S. group they say sponsors conferences that feature “radical feminist themes incompatible with the Catholic faith,” including supporting Obamacare. The members of this “liberal” group? 55,000 American nuns..

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From Marc Ragovin: “As Jamie Moyer labored to get his record setting win at age 49, many wondered if he would make it out of the seventh inining. Literally.”

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And open note to readers. ESPN.com has decided to put their fun weekly Top 10 Readers Lines on a given subject on hiatus at least for a while. So to very partially fill in the hole, I’m going to try a few Top 10’s on this blog. First week – “10 ten signs lines about how old Jamie Moyer is” Reader suggestions encouraged in comments. Aiming for Monday morning post.

(and yes, I know this is like shooting fish in a barrel. With a musket.)

Comments: 8 Comments

Not so Secret Service?

Posted April 19, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

All these folks accusing the Secret Service of Clinton-like behavior…. Get real, Bill never needed to pay for it.

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Is the Secret Service scandal embarrassing? Heck yes. But as noted on their website “Secret Service special agents spend their first 6 to 8 years on the job assigned to a field office. After their field experience, agents usually are transferred to a protective detail where they will stay for 3 to 5 years.” Means Obama admin. didn’t hire these dudes. It’s not a political issue, it’s a stupidity issue…

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And for those who say, “Who cares what these guys do after hours?” Well, leaving aside blackmail possibilities, remember, or Google, the “Profumo affair.”

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For that rare trivia overlap between baseball and hockey. how about the Senators-Rangers series? Because the 1961 Washington Senators actually are now the Texas Rangers. (You could look it up.)

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Mitt Romney said today he would “strengthen fellow Americans because I believe very fundamentally remaining a shining city on a hill.” So that’s Nixon and Reagan in one sentence, how did he leave out “Thousand points of light” and “Is our children learning?”

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John Edwards, infamous for his $400 haircuts, may not be as wealthy as he used to be. According to the New York Post, Edwards is now going to Supercuts for $12.95 trims. What a shame, said absolutely no one.

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For the 100th anniversary of Fenway Park on Friday the Yankees will wear uniforms modeled after their 1912 uniforms as the New York Highlanders. Curiously enough, 1912 might also have been the last year the Yankees’ payroll was under $100 million.

(t’s a shame that the Red Sox aren’t playing the Rockies. Moyer probably can still fit into his 1912 uniform.)

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Ah, who’s to stay the NCAA doesn’t crack down on the premier programs. They just announced the Toledo men’s basketball team will be banned from next year’s postseason because of past academic problems. The Toledo Rockets were last in the NCAA tournament in 1980.

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Now that Rick Santorum is out of the Presidential race, guess we won’t hear him pronounce that having men in the Secret Service obviously leads to “compromising situations?

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Mitt Romney said he’d “clean house” in the Secret Service and suggested a “lack of leadership” led to the scandal. But Mitt also said he has confidence in Secret Service Director Mark Sullivan. Can’t imagine how Romney gets the reputation for wanting to have it both ways.

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A group is suing ABC’s “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette,” saying that in 10 years the programs have never had a person of color as the featured person looking for love on air. Hmm. Discrimination? Or just another example helping to shatter the myth of white intellectual superiority.
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From Bill Littlejohn: “An article appeared in Ben Maller’s blog entitled ‘How The One Percent Dines at Sporting Events’. Included–they pool their money for a hot dog at Yankee Stadium”

Comments: 1 Comment

Jamie Moyer – Golden Oldie.

Posted April 18, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Congrats to Jamie Moyer on his first win of the 2012 season. The lefty thus becomes the first MLB pitcher to have a win transmitted not only on the internet, but also by Morse Code.

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The Braves have announced plans to retire John Smoltz’s number this spring. Assume Smoltz, 47, will get a gold watch. Presumably when some team retires Jamie Moyer’s number they will give him a gold sundial?

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Not only did Americans not win the Boston Marathon, there was only one U.S. runner in each of the men and women’s top ten. What was this, an academic competition?

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Kentucky’s starting five players on their National Champion men’s basketball team (three freshman and two sophomores) have all announced they will enter this year’s NBA draft. Call me old-fashioned but it would be nice if when these schools hang the banner there was at least one player around in the fall to see it.

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A Texas company had to recall t-shirts because they featured an “SEC” logo over a partial U.S. map. But they left Missouri, new to the SEC, off the map, and included North Carolina, which is not a member. Hmm, assume the apparel firm was founded by former SEC student-athletes?

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During his suspension, New Orleans coach Sean Payton will be banned from all NFL contact. Washington fans watching this bounty mess are hoping against hope that Redskins owner Dan Snyder will somehow be implicated.

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Ted Nugent spoke to the NRA last week and compared Obama to a coyote that needs to be shot, and said if the President is re-elected “I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” Which means Nugent is now getting more Secret Service attention than anyone who’s not a Columbian prostitute.

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An ABC News report says Secret Service agents accused of misconduct with prostitutes in Columbia were bragging at a nightclub by saying they worked for Obama. This would never have happened under Clinton, he would have been right there beside them.

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Kim Kardashian has now said she intends to run for mayor of Glendale, Calif. Fortunately for the good citizens of the city, her campaign will only last 72 days.

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In jury selection for Roger Clemens’ perjury trial, several prospective jurors questioned the value of Congressional hearings on the steroids issue in the first place. Well, it’s not like there are any more pressing issues Congress has to deal with….

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A labor dispute may result in the liquidation of Hostess Brands, the maker of Twinkies and HoHos. In related news, U.S. obesity figures are expected to drop at least 5%.

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For most Americans, April 17 was Tax Day. For the Romneys, it was “File-an-Extension-For-The-Taxes-You-Won’t-Pay-Much-of-Anyway Day.”

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Flip flop alert: Chris Christie, who has repeatedly said he doesn’t want to be vice president, now says if he gets called he “will sit down and talk to Gov. Romney about it.”. Run with Mitt Romney? Sounds like he’s trying to be Mitt Romney.

Comments: 3 Comments

There might be gambling in Casablanca too.

Posted April 17, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Secret service men screw around, football players try to injure each other. Next thing someone will be trying to tell us is that there are still performance enhancing drugs in baseball..

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Lincecum 0-2 after another really rough first inning. Is prescription medical marijuana allowed by rules of MLB?? Let Timmy smoke!

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Mitt Romney, in an interview with Diane Sawyer, was asked about putting his dog Seamus on the car roof, specifically “would you do it again?” His response “Certainly not with the attention it’s received.” In other words, “Well maybe, if I could figure out how to do it with no one finding out.”

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New Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine said this weekend that he didn’t think Boston fan favorite Kevin Youkilis was “as physically or emotionally into the game.” What’s next? Valentine saying he loves and respects the Yankees?

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The Patriot-News in Harrisburg, PA won a Pulitzer for local reporting for breaking the Penn State sexual abuse scandal. Wonder if the Pulitzer people will wait 10 years to give them the award.

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Vin Scully, 84, has recovered from his severe and is back in the booth at Dodger Stadium. He hopes to call all the team’s remaining home games, especially the upcoming May 11-13 Rockies series, when he can see that “nice young man” Jamie Moyer pitch.

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Mitt Romney this weekend said that “Fox News has been good to me.” In related news, a Kenyan won the Boston Marathon.

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SF Giants have signed Madison Bumgarner to a contract extension through 2017. By the time the contract is up MadBum will almost be old enough to drink.

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Got to love the San Francisco Giants’ Madison Bumgarner, 22, from a small town in North Carolina. Asked what he was going to do with all that money after signing a 5 year $35 million contract, he paused, and then responded. “I don’t know. Maybe buy more cows?.”

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The silly season continues. The Wisc. Democratic Party. has filed a complaint alleging Mitt Romney violated bribery laws in handing out free sub sandwiches during the GOP primary while encouraging people to go vote. (The law forbids gifts valued at more than $1 in exchange for a vote.) Romney is laughing it off. But if the Obama campaign starts giving out food, prepare for a Congressional investigation.

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Notre Dame has long had an agreement with IMG radio for national broadcasts of all their football games. Now USC announced they have the second such national deal, with ESPN Radio for all of the Trojans’ home games. Once again, can’t imagine how student-athletes get the idea college football is about money.

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This whole Secret Service scandal came to light over one man not paying his hooker the $47 he owed her. $47?!! This story may not do much for the reputation of the Secret Service, but it’s likely to do wonders for Columbian tourism.

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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg: “Let me get this straight. A secret service agent hires a Columbian hooker, brings her back to his sleazy hotel room, has sex with her, cheats her out of her fee and then lies about it. Here is my question: why isn’t this guy a politician? He’s a natural.

Comments: 2 Comments

Disaster tourism?

Posted April 16, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

A $150 million Titanic visitors center opened last month in Belfast. The museum hopes to be the biggest draw for fans of disasters since Wrigley Field.

(Canadian readers may want to substitute Air Canada Center, home of the Toronto Maple Leafs.)

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The Titanic was built in Belfast, hence the museum location. But you have to think that somewhere, other shipyards are saying “Hey, we built boats that DIDN’T sink.”

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Since former Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino is so expert at texting, wonder if he also has changed his Facebook relationship status to “It’s complicated.”

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IHOP is advertising their new “Signature Pancakes.” Including “Chocolatey Red Velvet Pancakes Drizzled with Cream Cheese Icing.” Wonder what customers order for dessert?

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Well, it’s early days in the 2012 MLB season, but who’d a thunk that the San Francisco Giants’ Aubrey Huff, batting .217, still has more HRs than Albert Pujols?

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Eli Manning will host SNL. Giselle Bunchen said that they would have asked Tom Brady again but the show would have unreasonably expected her husband to do all the comic work.

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Rick Petino’s son Richard Petino is going to become the men’s basketball coach at next season FIU. So how long until the NCAA preemptively starts their investigation?

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People have a right to their opinions. But would like to hear Michelle Bachmann, and some others who are so outraged against Hilary Rosen’s “anti-women” comments, also explain why they voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.

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Seen on the side of a 24 ounce Dr. Pepper bottle: “Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury. Point away from face and people, especially while opening.” Think there’s a story, and more than a few lawyers, behind that one?

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A Houston restaurant served 12 guests last night a 10 course recreation of the last first class meal on the Titanic, at $12,000 a head. (no typo.) Isn’t it nice to know that 100 years after the disaster, Americans have moved away from such a rigid class system…?

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On their Kuala Lumpur to London route, Malaysia Airlines is starting a family friendly economy class section, along with a “no kids under 12 allowed” section. Prompting this response from most domestic travelers – can they start flying around the U.S.?

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Quote of the day from January 2012, about poor women on welfare. “Even if you have a child 2 years of age, you need to go to work. I’m willing to spend more giving day care to allow those parents to go back to work. It’ll cost more, but I want the individuals to have the dignity of work.'” Another anti-mom liberal? No, Mitt Romney.

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New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie just had his 10th child, by a total of eight women in six states. Although the last two kids were born to his wife, the first eight, 7 years old and under, all have single moms. Hmm, strikes me there are worse things for the fabric of our society than free birth control….

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South American Stupidity.

Posted April 15, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Apparently the Secret Service prostitute scandal came to light with a dispute involving one woman who claimed she wasn’t paid and talked to police. Moral of the story, “Always pay your whores.” (As long as you don’t use campaign funds, yes I mean you John Edwards.)

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Augie’s response to my comment that this “More unemployment to blame on Obama – these men would never have been fired if Bill Clinton were President.”

“Not only would they not have been fired, they would have been his security detail while he visited the brothels.”

Though to give Clinton his due, not sure Bill ever had to pay any woman at the time. He did pay enough for his lying later.

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Not to say that the Sharks’ loss Saturday night to the Blues was overly fight-filled. But I heard St. Louis won by a TKO.
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Once again, “To Kill a Mockingbird” is on the U.S. top ten list of banned books. Wonder how many of these folks who ban books actually read.

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For those worried about signs of the apocalypse, it may be a relief to know that Barry Zito does now have an ERA in 2012. On the other hand, the Washington Nationals are in first place.

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Robin Gibbs is in a coma. And “Glee” has a Bee-Gees episode planned for Tuesday. Following their Whitney Houston episode earlier this year. The show could be getting more dangerous than the cover of “Madden NFL.”

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have announced their engagement. Apparently the ring took almost a year to design. That’s longer than Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries whole relationship.

(Nick Coombs adds “No word yet on if Jolie will try to adopt the child who mined the diamond for her ring.”)

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According to SI.com, Bobby Petrino’s mistress Jessica Dorrell’s “interview feedback” notes say she had “the most overall experience of building relationships that the football program is looking for.” Well, “building a relationship” is one way to put it.

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What was Bobby Petrino thinking? Being in Arkansas, getting involved with a young woman, and putting her on the university payroll? Why, the gal wasn’t even his relative.
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Mitt Romney’s campaign has sent out a fundraising solicitation looking for the first 1,000 people who can donate $50,000 and become a “Founding Member” of “Romney Victory.” Well, guess now that he’s looking to the General Election, Mitt decided he needed to reach out to the middle class.

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Great game by Matt Cain yesterday in the SF Giants home opener. Only two disappointments: The one hit he allowed in an otherwise perfect game. And his total of 11 strikeouts was two short of the 13 required for all fans to get a coupon for free bratwursts.

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Description of the movie “Titanic” in today’s newspaper TV guide: “The ship hits an iceberg.” Gosh, really?! Talk about a spoiler.

Comments: 2 Comments

What money can’t buy.

Posted April 14, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Mitt Romney has filed for an extension on his 2011 taxes Friday afternoon. A spokeswoman said Romney does not yet have “sufficient information to provide an accurate return.” Really?! The guy wants to be in charge of the U.S. economy and he can’t keep track of his own millions?

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Weather satellite or military tool, in any case North Korea’s expensive rocket flamed out spectacularly. With this kind of money to reward ratio you almost expect the Yankees to be involved.

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Paul Ryan said – as a compliment – that Mitt Romney is “kind of a throwback to the 50s.” Did he mean the 1950s or 1850s?

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Mitt Romney may be having a rough 2012 campaign so far, but it could be worse- he could be running against Cory Booker.

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Today was Matt Cain’s THIRD game where he came a single batter away from a no-hitter. Can San Francisco Giants fans officially start referring to him as a “one-hit wonder?”

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Apparently as many as 12 Secret Service agents sent to provide security for Barack Obama in Columbia were relieved of duties and sent home after allegations of personal misconduct involving prostitutes. More unemployment to blame on Obama – these men would never have been fired if Bill Clinton were President.

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French psychologists have discovered that baboons are able to tell real words from fake words. Wonder how they would do on the NFL Wonderlic test?

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Tampa Bay’s Luke Scott ragged on Red Sox fans about “their arrogance,” saying “The fans come in and they take over the city. They’re ruthless, they’re vulgar, they cause trouble…” Now before Boston’s home opener, he’s referring to Fenway Park as a “dump.” Even Ozzie Guillen is thinking “Luke, Luke, less is more…”

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Bobby Petrino says he will not appeal his firing as Arkansas’s football coach. Probable translation- there are still more texts, and probably pictures, that we don’t know about.

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And what was Petrino thinking? Being in Arkansas, getting involved with a young woman, and putting her on the college payroll? Why, the gal wasn’t even his relative.

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You can’t win department. So Democrats from the White House on down immediately condemned Hilary Rosen’s comment about Ann Romney not working. And Mary Matalin is upset, because they came down too fast and too hard, and should have been more supportive of Rosen. Right. And if they had defended her it would have been more intellectual elitism. Ah, politics.

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From Gary Bachman: Florida Rep. Allen West said that up to 81 House members are communists. To which Ozzie Guillen responded that he admires each and every one of them.

Comments: 1 Comment

Kerplunk it sunk, what a lousy piece of junk…

Posted April 13, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

(If you’re too young to remember the children’s song reference, you are lucky.)

Wonder if North Korea is claiming their test rocket was testing to see if it was waterproof.

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North Korea claimed their failed rocket would only carry a civilian satellite, and that it was a major technological achievement to mark the 100th anniversary of the birth of Kim Il Sung, on Sunday. Uh, did anyone tell them Sunday is also the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic?

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Burger King apparently is introducing a Bacon Sundae. For all those who thought their menu was a little too health conscious.

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As we head into the mano a mano portion of the Presidential election here’s a (never going to happen) recipe for civility: No matter who pays for the anti-Obama or anti-Romney ads, simply require at the end of any such commercial to have the candidates say “I am Barack Obama/Mitt Romney and I approve this message.”

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WTF? By now anyone reading this has heard the American Idol results show from Thursday. But were the votes counted in Florida?

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Former Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino sent apologies to AD Jeff Long and a number of other university employees via text messages. Which from the stories about his “inappropriate” relationship, may not have been necessary if he hadn’t been texting in the first place.

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A CNN pundit is facing criticism for saying that Ann Romney shouldn’t be talking about the economy because “she has actually never worked a day in her life.” Ann immediately (and correctly) responded that staying home to raise 5 boys was hard work. Well, and think of all the nannies etc she has hired.

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Democrats including the President immediately condemned Hilary Rosen for her comments about Ann Romney. Almost as fast as the GOP Presidential candidates condemned Rush Limbaugh for his “slut” etc comments. Oh wait, that’s right, they didn’t. Never mind….

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Actually, I absolutely support Ann Romney’s right to stay home and raise kids. But if Ann really cares that much about women and the economy, wonder why she isn’t urging Mitt to push things like education and child care and social programs to aid mothers who aren’t as economically fortunate as she is….

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Meanwhile,CNN’s Hilary Rosen is now saying “I apologize to Ann Romney and anyone else who was offended. Let’s declare peace in this phony war and go back to focus on the substance.” Really? Someone actually thinks this campaign has been focusing on substance?

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Mass. Sen. Scott Brown has a new radio ad talking about his love of Fenway Park. Except that when Brown was a state representative, he was in support of replacing the 100 year old park and moving it to Foxboro. What is it with Massachusetts politicians? Should the state shoe be the flip flop?

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Quote of the day: “We are more likely to get neutral coverage out of CNN than we are of Fox, and we’re more likely to get distortion out of Fox. That’s just a fact.” From that noted liberal Newt Gingrich.

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Jamie Moyer, 49. 5 2/3 innings, 2 earned runs. No W. As a Giants fan will be glad for the win but a shame Moyer couldn’t have pitched yesterday. The ageless wonder better deserved a win than the stream of Rockies pitchers who took advantage of 18 runs of support.

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That JetBlue pilot who went crazy a couple weeks ago has been indicted on charges of interfering with a flight crew. The response from most major airlines – a new “Pilot mental health surcharge.”

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Comments: 1 Comment

To text or not to text, that should have been the question.

Posted April 12, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Fired Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino, 51, apparently exchanged 4300 texts with Jessica Dorrell, 25, in the last seven months. Shocking! A 51 year old man knows how to text?

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Uh, this is not your 2011 San Francisco Giants. WTF?! Great hitting, shaky starting pitching…. Is it time to switch the uniform to black and orange pinstripes?

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It’s early days but don’t hear all those SF Giants fans complaining now about the team not signing Lincecum to more than a two year contract.

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The NCAA put Baylor’s men’s and women’s basketball on 3 years of probation plus reduced scholarships after an investigation into major recruiting phone and text violations. The teams, however, will not need to vacate wins or their women’s championship. Sounds like the university is about ready to join the SEC.

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Baylor women’s coach Kim Mulkey “Any compliance-related mistakes, even those that are secondary, are disappointing. The majority of mistakes in this matter were errors in sending text messages and failure to accurately document our phone calls.” Wow. Sounds like she has a great future in politics.

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Giants Rockies game starts at 110p Colorado time today. The teams hope to finish in time for Rockies starter Jamie Moyer to make his Early Bird Special reservation.//

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Bill Parcells says that while he was approached about the New Orleans Saints job he is “staying retired.” “Amateur,” responded Brett Favre.

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All these Miami fans who don’t want to go to Marlins game because Ozzie Guillen said something stupid about Castro… Yes, it was stupid, and offensive, but for another example, liberal Boston fans didn’t avoid Fenway when Curt Schilling campaigned in 2004 for George W. Bush.

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Wisconsin state senator Glenn Grothman said that women make less money because “money is more important for men.” Clearly this idiot has never been to a shoe sale.

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Sherri Shepherd from “the View” was bounced from “Dancing with the Stars” last night. What a shame said millions of women, what’s “the View” said millions of men?

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Florida Rep. Allen West said Tuesday at a town hall that he’s “heard” as many as 80 House Democrats are communists. With Rick Santorum out of the Presidential race is West just trying to fill a void for the whack job contingent?

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Newt Gingrich said his campaign’s $500 bounced check to file for the Utah primary was just “one of those goofy things.” And millions of Americans who are unemployed or living paycheck to paycheck said “Yeah, just hilarious.”

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You think you have a tough job. How’d you like to do jury selection for the George Zimmerman trial in Florida?

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Just think how much less worldwide outrage there would be had George Zimmerman felt threatened by Casey Anthony.

Comments: 1 Comment

Dumb and dumber, another sequel.

Posted April 11, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Arkansas has fired Bobby Petrino, saying the now-ex football coach, “knowingly misled” and “engaged in reckless behavior” with an employee less than half his age. Gosh, if there had only been another example of such a thing happening to a powerful man from Arkansas that Petrino might have learned from.

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You think you’ve had a rough month with your relationship? How’d you like to be Josh Morgan? He’s the fiance of Jessica Dorrell – Bobby Petrino’s passenger during his ill-fated motorcycle ride that ended up costing the Arkansas coach his job. Uh, how’s that June wedding planning going?

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Ozzie Guillen was suspended for five games for his comments about Fidel Castro. And somewhere Marge Schott is thinking, “In Miami, Ozzie, how could you be so stupid?”

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Not defending Ozzie Guillen and certainly not defending Fidel Castro. But one of the things Cuban-Americans rail about regarding their home country now is that there is no right to free speech.

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Thursday’s historic pitching matchup in Coors: Madison Bumgarner, 22, against Jamie Moyer, 49. Wonder if after each time the Rockies bat Moyer will yell to Madbum “Hey, punk, get off my mound.”

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Rick Santorum is ending his Presidential campaign. “Say it ain’t so” cried America’s comedy writers.

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Rick Santorum, with his campaign allegedly $1 million in debt, has suspended his run for President but has not endorsed Mitt Romney. Wonder if Santorum is waiting for Mitt to give him one million good reasons….

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A Japanese company has come up with “Sushi Robot” that can crank out 3,600 pieces per hour. Yikes. Should we be staying tuned for “Sushi McNuggets?”

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Speaking in support of the “Bush Tax Cuts,” George W. said in a speech he wished his name wasn’t so firmly attached to the cuts. Some in the GOP wish W’s name wasn’t so firmly attached to the Republican party.
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Newt Gingrich’s $500 check to pay the filing fee to get on the Utah ballot bounced. It’s this kind of intelligent attention to detail that has the former Speaker where he is today – third or fourth in a race where no one likes the front-runner and the #2 guy has dropped out.

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The Denver Post is doing a Titanic “100 Years Later” retrospective. Titled “Unsinkable, Unimaginable, Unforgettable.” Well, two out of three ain’t bad.

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From Gary Bachman: “The London tabloid The Sun reported Sunday that the final autopsy report of Whitney Houston has revealed 11 missing teeth. Today Houston will be granted posthumous British citizenship.”

Comments: 5 Comments

The times they are a changin’

Posted April 10, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Great final round at Augusta yesterday. A complete reversal from 1997, when a black man won the Masters, and Bubba was in the White House.

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Got to hand it to Ozzie Guillen. The guy reigns amongst sports figures for getting into the most trouble while still both avoiding arrest and keeping his pants on.

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Just added to the Miami Marlins ballpark giveaways in 2012? A commemorative Ozzie Guillen mouth gag.

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Two New Jersey men have filed a petition challenging President Obama’s place on the Democratic primary ballot because they claim he is not a natural-born citizen. And Snooki and the Situation responded “Wait a minute, and we’re supposed to be the stupid ones?”

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Marlins pitcher Mark Buerhrle apparently sliced the thumb on his pitching hand while opening a jar of mayonnaise. “I came in to make a sandwich and they said ‘You know we have people who can make sandwiches for you,’’’ Buehrle said. “(I said) ‘I’m a grown man, I can make my own sandwich.” Well, apparently not.

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Four-hit shutout for the SF Giants’ Barry Zito against the Colorado Rockies. WTF? Next thing someone will be trying to tell me the Mets are 4-0.

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Are New Yorkers going from Lin-sanity to DeMEnTSia?

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How improbable was Barry Zito’s shutout. In his post-game interview you almost expected to hear him thank “My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

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Actually, maybe God was behind Zito’s gem today. I mean, who else in the San Francisco area has done a better job of getting people on their feet screaming “Jesus Christ.”

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Even Jamie Moyer was thinking that it was time for Barry Zito to hang it up.

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Some wonder if Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino can survive the scandal resulting from his motorcycle crash involving his 25 year old assistant and the “inappropriate relationship.” Survive as football coach anyway. Petrino is now pretty well set up for running for Governor of Arkansas.

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Rick Santorum’s daughter is in the hospital, and Mitt Romney’s campaign is pulling its negative ads in Pennsylvania. Saying “We have done this out of deference to Sen. Santorum’s decision to suspend his campaign for personal family reasons,” (That and, “we think we’re winning anyway and this is a good way to save money.”)

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From Marc Ragovin: “So Mike Wallace has died. His funeral will take place immediately after the conclusion of the Raiders/Chiefs game, except on the west coast, where it will be held at its regular time.”

Comments: 2 Comments

Quick, duck behind a pearly gate?

Posted April 8, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Nervous times in heaven today, as they hear the words “Mike Wallace is here to see you.”

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A number of tributes to Mike Wallace, after he died today at the age of 93. Including one from Larry King, saying that he was “a dear & wonderful friend.” And no doubt King added privately ‘And so sad, to die so young.”

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The MS Balmoral cruise ship left Southampton April 8, 100 years after the RMS Titanic, with an announced plan to retrace the original route of the doomed ship. Well, one hopes not the EXACT route.

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On the Balmoral and other Titanic themed cruises, they will recreate menus from the original ship. Presumably women will be encouraged not to skip dessert.

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If anyone heard that the pitching-rich but offense-poor San Francisco Giants had scored 4, 4 and 6 runs in three games this weekend against the Arizona D’backs, the logical conclusion would have been that they won about two out of three at least…..

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So the SF Giants’ hopes of not starting 0 and 4 rest on the left arm of… Barry Zito?!!

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Yikes, Red Sox going to end up putting a keg in the bullpen after today. How do you blow a three run lead in the ninth and a two run lead in the eleventh, in the same game?

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The Mets are 3-0 and the Yankees are 0-3. And today in Hell, the ice skating is great.
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Tampa Bay Rays payroll at $64 million is about $4 million less than the New York Yankees are paying Texeira, A-Rod, and Jeter. Just sayin’.

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With Cain and Zito, the San Francisco Giants have the best paid #3 and #4 pitchers in baseball.

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Newt Gingrich said his campaign is “a little less” than $4.5 million in debt. And this is a man who is criticizing President Obama’s spending?

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Masters galleries were so white I almost expected to see a GOP debate break out.

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Say what you will about Tim Tebow’s sermon this morning. At least it’s nice seeing an NFL player make offseason headlines for something not involving a police press conference.

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And finally, Happy Easter Monday. In some countries it’s a major holiday. In the U.S.A. it’s mostly known as “Happy Half Priced Chocolate Bunny Day.”

Comments: 2 Comments

Hoppy Easter.

Posted April 8, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags:

Appalling bunny on bunny violence. Happy Easter anyway.

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Another Easter thought: Love may fade. But marshmallow peeps are forever.

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Tim Tebow is giving an Easter Sunday sermon. Parishioners expect the speech to start slow but close with a great last ten minutes.

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Jamie Moyer tonight bid to be the oldest pitcher ever to win an MLB game. In honor of the occasion the Rockies were going to present him with a copy of his first ever box score. But they couldn’t find anyone to translate the original Sanskrit.

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Boston Red Sox 0-2 after a 10-0 shutout against the Detroit Tigers. Who knew- maybe beer and fried chicken are performance enhancing drugs.

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Donald Trump revised the rules in his Miss Universe pageant to allow transgender women like Jenna Talackova to compete. Makes some sense, Trump himself probably is a bit nebulous about the gender of that fuzzy thing that lives on his head.

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Thanks to a bill signed by Gov. Rick Scott, starting July 1, it will be legal in Florida to dye bunnies pink, chicks blue, and poodles purple. (A GOP senator put the amendment on an agriculture bill, at the request of a dog groomer, thereby repealing a 45-year-old ban on artificially dying or coloring certain animals or fowl.) Can we just let the Sunshine State secede and be done with it?

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Frustrated with his tee shot on the 16th today, Tiger Woods dropped his club and kicked it 15 yards. Woods may be fined by the PGA for his outburst, but on the brighter side, he’s allegedly been contacted for a tryout by a few NFL teams.

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That 18 year old who left school and her family to live with her teacher has broken up with him after his arrest for a relationship with another student in 1998. Jordan Powers said she ended things with James Hooker when he called her from jail, “My heart dropped. I felt betrayed. I just have a gut feeling there are other girls.” Ya think?

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Not a belated April Fool’s joke. Pizza Huts in the U.K. now selling Pizza with a hot dog stuffed crust. (Large size pizzas only, natch.) What’s most amazing, this idea didn’t originate in the U.S.

Comments: 1 Comment

Opening weak.

Posted April 7, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Okay, right this minute in the AL East, the Orioles, Rays and Blue Jays are all tied for first place, while the Red Sox and Yankees are tied for last. 161 games to go, but figured a lot of folks would enjoy seeing this.

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Nolan Ryan and Robin Ventura apparently chatted Friday for the 1st time since Ventura charged the mound after Ryan hit him with a pitch 19 years ago. Wonder if instead of a handshake Nolan gave Robin “noogies” for old times’ sake.

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Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are now an item. And some say that homosexual relationships are offensive

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Isiah Thomas, who went 26-65 in three seasons as a coach at FIU, was fired today by the school. He told ESPN that “this is the most surprising thing that has happened to me in basketball.” Sounds like Isiah is still as self-aware as he was with the Knicks.

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Thomas Kinkade, “Painter of Light,” and the self described “Most Collected Living Artist” died today at the age of 54. Condolences to his family, but change that second trademark.

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Mario Rubio said this week “I’m not going to be the vice president,” Is that a comment on running with Mitt Romney, or the likely outcome of the election?

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An anti-abortion bill in Arizona would declare that pregnancy starts on the date of a women’s last menstrual period. Heck, what’s next, claiming pregnancy may start as soon as that second margarita?

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Christopher Hooker, 41, that Modesto teacher who left his family to move in Jordan Powers, 18, his ex-student, said their love was for real and would last. Now it turns out Hooker’s been arrested for having a relationship in 1998 with another girl student, who was 17. Guess he didn’t specify how long it would last.

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All these predictions for who will win in MLB this season, here’s a different prediction game. Which teams have a chance to lose 100 games? No prizes, just the chance to declare yourself a true “connoisseur of crap.”

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Reaction around the NFL to the Saints locker room audio: One – “That’s despicable.” Two – “Quick, burn OUR tapes.”

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Augusta, GA, police today were called to a Waffle House for a dispute involving two groups of women. (Apparently over a Facebook post about a relationship.) One woman was arrested after she allegedly fired shots into the air from a handgun. So who says all the action at Augusta is at the Masters?

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Syracuse’s Fab Melo, ruled ineligible twice last season due to academic issues, announced he will enter the NBA draft. So sounds like next year Melo will be going to class about as much as he did this year.

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When will they ever learn? Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino, 51, has now been put on leave by the University after it turns out that he had a 25 year old female passenger with him when he had his late-night motorcycle crash. The woman, Jessica Dorrell, was hired last month to work under Petrino. So to speak.

Comments: 1 Comment

Can you hear me now?

Posted April 6, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Jim Marshall, known as “The Father of Loud,” for inventing the Marshall amplifiers beloved by rock and roll guitarists, has died at the age of 88. What’s that you say? Can’t hear you……

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Mitt Romney today accused President Obama of spending “too much time at Harvard.” Now, Barack Obama spent three years at Harvard Law School. But Mitt himself got a JD/MBA at Harvard….and it took him four years. Sounds like he’s picking up Rick Santorum’s disdain for math.

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Not saying Masters’ galleries are white, but they look like they’ve just come from watching a GOP debate.

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Overheard at the Masters – “Is that Tiger’s gallery, or a waitress convention?”

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Mitt Romney says that Augusta should admit women members. Great. So who says the GOP is anti-female. At least Mitt supports the rights of rich women to pay $10,000 yearly dues to play golf.

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In a Masters practice round, Martin Kaymar scored a hole in one by skipping it off the pond. It was the most impressive water feat at Augusta since Tiger used to walk on it.

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A Los Angeles area woman was arrested for driving on a freeway while texting and holding her baby daughter in her lap, (along with having a two year old and four year old also in the car with no seat belts or carseats.) Presumably she was also listening to a CD by Britney Spears?

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Van Gogh Vodka announced a new Peanut Butter and Jelly vodka. If James Bond wasn’t dead, this just killed him.

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The Chicago Cubs blew a 1-0 lead in the 8th to lose their opener 2-1 to the Washington Nationals. Is it time to break out the “Wait until 2013” shirts?

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Alex Rodriguez has started posting on Facebook. Presumably A-Rod just found out he could “like” his own posts.

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Hmm, hope no one has an audio tape of our girls Powderpuff Football locker room meeting before the Juniors vs. Seniors game back at Lake Brantley High School in Florida. Remember very clearly the coach’s instructions to us girls playing defense “Explode, penetrate, KILL.”

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Costa Cruise Line says their bookings are up this Easter compared to 2011. Makes some sense I guess, travelers are also flocking to Titanic anniversary cruises.

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Rupert Murdoch’s UK Sky News says that their computer hacking was “in the public interest.” I think I like “I committed adultery because I felt so passionately about this country” better.

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On the subject of the 49ers’ Kyle Williams “The thing is, he had four concussions, so our biggest thing, was to take him outta the game.” “We were just like ‘We gotta put a hit on that guy.'” Quotes from Bountygate? No, the New York Giants, bragging after their 2011 playoff game when Williams fumbled twice.

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from my friend Gary Bachman: Data from the 1940 US Census has just been released to the public. To give you an indication how long ago that was, Barack Obama wasn’t yet born and Mitt Romney had yet to be built.

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Opening WTF?

Posted April 5, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Two A’s-Mariners games last week, Marlins-Cardinals tonight, the rest of MLB starts Thursday or Friday. Sorry Bud Selig, less is more; “Opening Day” is awesome. “Opening Week” s*cks.

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But really, we won’t know it’s really opening day until Cubs fans break out their new “Wait until next year” shirts.

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The Masters starts Thursday morning, from Augusta National Golf Club. One of the few places on Earth where Mitt Romney is referred to as “a regular guy.”

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Bond fans screaming “Say it ain’t so?!” Due to a Heineken contract, James Bond will be drinking beer instead of a martini in his next movie. What’s next, 007 telling women he wants to wait for physical intimacy until they are in a committed relationship?

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According to the autopsy report, “white powdery substances and a spoon with white residue” were found in the hotel room where Whitney Houston died. Sad, but “I’m shocked,” said absolutely nobody.

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Ryan Gosling apparently saved a British journalist named Laurie Penny from being hit by a car this week in New York. Earning him respect and admiration from his fellow actors, once they found out she didn’t work for “News of the World.”

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Macy’s flagship store in New York had to evacuate due to a small basement fire today. You know what that means. Stay tuned for Macy’s new “Two Day Fire Sale with One Day Special Preview.”

(or as my friend Rich suggests “Black Flower Days.”)

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John McCain urged Mitt Romney “not to rush to judgment” when picking his running mate. Gosh, wonder why he would say that?

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Kentucky coach John Calipari said he’s not planning to coach the New York Knicks or any other NBA team – “Kentucky is the best job in basketball coaching, why would I leave?” At least not until the next NCAA investigation.

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Sarah Palin’s appearance on the “Today” show apparently didn’t turn out to be the ratings boost NBC had hoped for. Does this mean “Palin-sanity” is over?

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Levi Johnston, 21, has announced that his latest girlfriend, Sunny Oglesby, 20, is pregnant. Levi told TMZ.com the pregnancy was an unexpected surprise: “Things happen and we are both happy with what came of it.” Yeah, looks like Bristol Palin’s abstinence campaign is really working.

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Ryan Seacrest will be taking part in NBC’s Olympic coverage. Wonderful. Stand by for “Who’ll win the Gold? We’ll find out, after the break….”

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Rick Santorum went bowling with some friends and staffers today, and ended up with three strikes and two spares while scoring 145. So at least when faced with a bowling lane, Rick proved it was possible for him to go towards the center.

Comments: 1 Comment

The GOP Primary winner – Are we there yet?

Posted April 4, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Production will begin this September on a sequel to “Dumb and Dumber.” The movie is again expected to star Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. Either that or it will be a documentary about the GOP Presidential Primaries.

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Mitt Romney picked up 16 delegates with a win in Washington, D.C. tonight. With a total of 3,122 votes. Not a typo. 3,122. Heck, the Nationals got that many fans when they were the Expos.

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Fortunately, no deaths were reported when a small plane crashed into a supermarket near Orlando this morning. This being Florida I wonder how long the plane had been flying with its left blinker on.

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Rick Santorum said today that he read that “7 or 8 of the California system of universities don’t even teach an American history course.” Uh, Rick, ALL the UCs and CSU campus teach and require U.S. History, espec for UCSF which is a med school.

So what’s more likely to happen – that Santorum apologizes. Or that he blames this all on the education system that taught him to read.

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Sarah Palin on the Today show about Mitt Romney potentially getting the nomination “Anything is still possible. There can still be a bit of a shake-up. But the numbers are what the numbers are.” Palin sounds about as excited by Mitt as most GOP primary voters.

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Another weird primary detail. Media reporting “Big win” for Romney in Wisconsin. But he got 42.5 % of vote to Santorum’s 37.7 %. With Paul,Gingrich, Bachmann and Huntsman also getting votes. Meaning 57.5 % of voters still said “Not Obama, but Anyone But Mitt.”

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Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich had both compared themselves to Kansas last Sunday, after the Jayhawks’ surprising comeback against Ohio State. Did someone tell them that was only the NCAA semi-finals?

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Fortunately, no deaths were reported when a small plane crashed into a supermarket near Orlando this morning. This being Florida I wonder how long the plane had been flying with its left blinker on.

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Joe Flacco today told a Baltimore radio station that he believes he’s the “best” quarterback in the NFL. Quick, check that man for concussions.

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Boston Red Sox closer Andrew Bailey will probably need surgery on his thumb, and Josh Beckett has also reported a thumb injury. When will they ever learn – get the ball boys to open your beer cans.

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President Obama referred to the Republican House Budget as “Social Darwinism.” Given the views of most of the GOP field, this may be the first time this year “Republican” and “Darwinism” have been used in the same sentence.

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Kentucky star Anthony Davis says he hasn’t decided about leaving the team for the NBA draft, saying he’s just going to “sit down with my coach, sit down with my family, see what the best decision is for me.”
When asked if there were particular classes he wanted to take, wonder if Davis responded “classes?”

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For April Fool’s Day Air New Zealand offered a “StraightUp” airfare deal that promised “affordable domestic air travel” for anyone willing to use hand holds and stand in the aisle for the duration of the flight.” They’ve confessed the joke, but in the meantime several U.S. carriers started studying the idea.

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Tornadoes are ripping through Texas. The winds are strong enough there are rumors that Rick Perry’s hair actually moved.

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From comedy writing friend John Roman: A tornado is headed for DFW Airport, where it will probably be delayed for about 2 hours.

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President Barack Obama says if President Ronald Reagan was running for president now, he “could not get through a Republican primary today.” Not to mention he’d be the intellectual in the race.

Comments: 4 Comments

We’re number one, and done.

Posted April 3, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Which was a bigger joke in tonight’s NCAA mens’s finals? Pretending anyone can actually see the basketball court from the upper seats at the Super Dome? Or pretending all these “one and done”s on Kentucky are really student-athletes?

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What’s wrong with college basketball? For starters, a team of mostly freshmen won the National Championship for Kentucky. And they won’t even be enrolled at the school long enough to watch them hang the banner.

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Anyone on a diet and need a good appetite suppressant? I give you Ann Romney’s response when asked if her husband is too stiff – “We better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out.”

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President Obama at halftime talking about his daughters playing basketball. Apparently 10 year old Sasha is especially good. Let’s see, smart girl, genes for height and athleticism (uncle Craig Robinson played at Princeton.)…. wonder how long until Tara pays a recruiting call to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave?

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The European plane maker, Airbus is apparently studying the idea of building new planes with narrower window and middle seats, and wider aisle seats. These would be for larger passengers and those who just want more space. Standby for the “aisle” surcharge.

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Ryan Leaf, arrested for the second time in two days for allegedly stealing prescription pain pills. Waiting for Rush Limbaugh to weigh in on this one.

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Bill Clinton said he would be supportive if Hillary ran for President in 2016. Is anyone surprised? It would entail a lot of time on the road away from home…

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Matt Cain just signed a 6 year, $127 million contract. And the Yankees responded with the same sigh that a very wealthy man makes when the dealer tells them someone already bought the very expensive sports car they were eyeing.

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Some parents in an upscale Brooklyn, NY neighborhood want to ban ice cream trucks from a park because their children become so upset when they are told they can’t have a treat. (http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/slopers_creamy_river_lcaxb1lj4D0SHqo4f2K3GO) And no, apparently this was not an April Fool’s joke…sigh.

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As we edge close to another opening day, a comment from Bill Littlejohn on the Texas Rangers’ 2-foot-long, 3,000-calorie hot dog: “It’s called The Kevorkian.”

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Ubaldo Jimenez was suspended for hitting his former teammate Troy Tulowitzki in the left elbow with a pitch. While it looked pretty blatant, in Jiminez’s defense he hasn’t thrown many pitches where he’s wanted to all spring. (Of course another possibility is that he wanted to hit Tulowitzki in the head.)

Comments: 4 Comments

If you are reading this at work on Monday

Posted April 2, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

You didn’t win the Mega Millions.

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A Kansas man bought lottery tickets Thursday and joked to an friend about having “a better chance of getting struck by lightning” than winning. Then he survived after being hit by lightning that same night. (And, no, he didn’t win the lottery.) Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?

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Great year for Stanford women’s basketball. But against Baylor tonight they were .333 (20-60) on field goals, and .118 (2-17) on 3 pointers. Condoleeza Rice was in attendance… did she inspire the team to shoot like Dick Cheney?

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Congrats to Baylor’s Kim Mulkey for being named the AP women’s college basketball Coach of the Year. Her recipe for success – start with a 6’8″ center who can dunk.

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Congrats to the Notre Dame women, into the NCAA women’s championship game. But those lime green shirts their fans are wearing make Oregon football uniforms look good.

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After the University of Kentucky defeated rival Louisville, fans took to the streets in Lexington setting dozens of fires and flipping over at least one car. A police spokeswoman said nothing happened that wasn’t anticipated and that police were “very pleased.” Yikes, wonder what’s “anticipated” if the Wildcats win it all on Monday.

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Petrotrin, Trinidad’s state-owned petroleum company. announced it has discovered 48 million barrels of crude oil off the island’s southwest coast. Wonder who will be the first GOP candidate calling for the invasion of Trinidad.

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John Calipari has another team into the NCAA championship. So the two big questions for the game. Will Kentucky steamroll Kansas or fall short? And if the Wildcats win, how long will it take the NCAA to talk about them vacating the title?

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Pundits are saying that Mitt Romney seems to be increasingly inevitable as the GOP presidential candidate. And most Republicans are as excited about that as they are about death and taxes.

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SF manager Bruce Bochy said Barry Zito won’t return to the Bay Area with the team, but will stay in Arizona for a few days in hopes he can tweak his delivery. Giants fans are thinking, that’s fine. Can he stay until, say June?

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NJ Gov. Chris Christie told Oprah last week that he would be “much more ready four years from now” to run for president. Sounds like Christie doesn’t think he’ll be running against a Republican incumbent.

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Adam Sandler’s “Jack and Jill” swept the Razzies this year, “winning” the worst award in all 10 categories. Is it too soon to bet on a similar sweep for “John Carter” in 2013?

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A security breach at Global Payments, a credit card payment processor for Visa, Mastercard, American Express and Discover, was first reported potentially to have exposed 10 million card holders. Now the company says it believes less than 1.5 million credit card numbers were stolen. Well, then, we all should feel so much better now?

Comments: 1 Comment

Missed it by THAT much.

Posted April 1, 2012 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Unlike millions of Americans, Mitt Romney said yesterday he wasn’t going to buy a Mega Millions lottery ticket. Guess Mitt decided he would hold out for a really big jackpot.

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The Azamara Quest is sailing slowly to Malaysia after repairs from an engine room fire that left the cruise ship temporarily disabled. Azamura Club Cruises says electricity has been restored, and all safety procedures were followed – including keeping the captain from falling into any lifeboats

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Mitt Romney says winning the upcoming Wisconsin, Maryland and D.C. primaries Tuesday would be a “big statement.” But really, Romney’s problem hasn’t been the big statement, it’s been changing that statement a week later.

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“Octomom” Nadya Suleman has apparently gone back on her anti-welfare statements and is now receiving $2,000 a month in food assistance from the state of California. Wonder where all the conservative pro-life protesters backing her up are on this one.

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A new CNBC poll says more U.S. homes have Apple products than married couples or children. Of course, spending time with Apple products probably decreases the chances of both marriage and children.

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Much buzz about the fact that whoever bought the Mega Millions winning ticket near Baltimore only bought a single “Quick Pick” ticket. Well, at odds of 175,000,000 to one, the odds on one ticket weren’t significantly lower than one in ten.

(or at least as good as that as a Ron Paul donor’s odds of their candidate winning the GOP nomination.)

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Three of the four teams left in the men’s Final Four are within 200 miles of each other. (Louisville, UK, OSU) and the fourth, Kansas, is still in the Midwest. Which means the East Coast now gets to understand how most Americans feel about all those televised Red Sox Yankees games.

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Jeremy Lin will have knee surgery and probably miss the rest of the NBA season. He still probably spent more time on the court for the Knicks this year than most of the men playing basketball in the NCAA Final Four have spent in classes.

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At this point the only way the SF Giants may be able to get any value out of Barry Zito is to keep paying his salary and trade him to another NL West team.

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Jamie Moyer can become the oldest MLB pitcher with a victory if he wins his first start of the year for the Rockies April 7. Although the game is against the Astros, so would the accomplishment have an asterisk?

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Ann Coulter, trying to get Newt Gingrich out of the Presidential race, said “you can’t have two affairs and run for president.” Showing that her knowledge of history is as strong as her sense of civility.

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Two scoreless innings for Guillermo Mota Saturday. So has anyone asked Bruce Bochy if he’s considered starting Mota and putting Barry Zito in long relief?

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