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Young and Old Masters.

April 11, 2011

Congratulations to the Giants’ Buster Posey. Not only did he receive his “2010 Rookie of the Year” award Sunday, it was announced that he and his wife are expecting twins later this year.  Guess this proves that, appearances to the contrary, Buster has reached puberty.

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Must have been fun for anyone texting about the Masters today. Since so many phones have “predictive spelling” can’t imagine how anyone managed to spell “Charl” without it turning into ‘Charlie.”

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(Tacky time)  Tiger may not have won today. But it must have been nice to hear the conversation turning back to his performance with holes on a golf course.

 

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One semi-silver lining for New York Mets fans after a really rough afternoon. Rory McIlroy’s collapse was a bigger story on Sportscenter than that of the Mets’ bullpen

Of course the difference is that most people assume McIlroy will get better.

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A new biography of Steve Jobs will be out next year. And then a few months later a pocket-sized version will be available. And then one you can attach to a keychain. ((Magnifying glass presumably included.)

 

 

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While Sarah Palin won’t directly address the “birther” issue, she said of Trump’s new focus  -“I appreciate that the Donald wants to spend his resources in getting to the bottom of something that so interests him and many Americans.” Wonder if Palin would say the same thing if he wanted to investigate alleged ethics violations from her time as Governor of Alaska?

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One sign that Major League Baseball is in midseason form. The Fox “Game of the Week” Saturday afternoon – Yankees-Red Sox. The Sunday night “Game of the Week” on ESPN – Yankees-Red Sox. (Note to Bud Selig – maybe viewership might be higher during the post-season if most of America had actually seen any but their local teams and the Yankees-Red Sox during the season

(As my friend Scott Brady points out, for variation there is always Red Sox-Yankees.)

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Regarding Manny being Manny, and his retiring rather than face a 100 game suspension for a second failed drug test:  Is the penalty doubled for the second positive test as a stiffer punishment?  Or as an additional penalty for stupidity?

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Opening week trivia question – which Major League Baseball park holds the most fans?  (No fair Googling it.)  And which holds the least?  It used to be Fenway, but there is now one that is  smaller.  (And there are three parks where they close off some of the seats until and unless the team gets to the postseason, but I’m not counting those.)

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The ring’s the thing.

April 10, 2011

So on a night that the SF Giants get their rings, Barry Bonds, tainted by allegations of cheating, is conspicuously absent.   But the Giants give a ring to Hall of Famer Gaylord Perry.

 

A little more irony on a Bonds-free celebration night at A T and T park. The game winning hit came from Miguel Tejada. Who in 2009 pled guilty in federal court to lying to  Congress about his knowledge of other players using steroids. (And admitted using them himself.)

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The San Jose Sharks have wrapped up the number two seed  in the playoffs.  Of course, with the team’s playoff history isn’t this like having a first class berth on the Titanic.

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After three rounds in the Masters, no American is higher than eighth place. (Bo Van Pelt.)   It’s not just that golf no longer has Tiger Woods as a superstar, but the game is turning into soccer.

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Yes, it’s still early, but these are tough times for baseball fans in Boston. Even Cubs fans are sending sympathy notes.

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Tiger Woods has had problems with a number of short putts today at the Masters. Which seems particularly strange to long-time Tiger watchers. It’s never been a problem for Woods putting it into a lot of holes.

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An Alaska Airlines flight bound for Hawaii turned around and landed safely in Sacramento when a bird struck an engine. Beginning to wonder how long it will be until PETA comes out against air travel as being dangerous for birds.

 

Glad that a government shutdown was avoided. But in that list of “non-essential employees,” how did they not include Congress?

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While Liberals are generally not thrilled with the budget compromises, Tea Party members are so annoyed with Speaker of the House John Boehner, who they believe sold out their principles, that they are talking about a primary challenger for him.

Somewhere,  Nancy Pelosi must be giggling.

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Giants baseball – a violation of the Geneva convention?

April 9, 2011

Okay, Giants’ fans expected torture.   But couldn’t we have waited until at least the second home game of the season?

 

(It wasn’t just Brian Wilson’s two-out, two strike blown safe.  Like for example 17 men left in on base, and without two double plays and a caught stealing, it would have been 20.

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Due to a rain delay in San Diego, at midnight Pacific time, the Dodgers-Padres Friday night game is tied 2-2 going to the top of the the 7th.  Which has to have caused some really confusing situations – some visiting Dodger fans fans may have arrived for the beginning of the game, and left after the third inning.

 

The media reports are  that Manny Ramirez is retiring just because he got a second positive drug test that would have resulted in a 100 game suspension. Manny’s response -” Please, I prefer to think of it as an extended maternity leave.”

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Actually Ramirez’s short term Tampa Bay Rays teammates bear him no ill-will. The team plans to throw him a combination farewell party and baby shower.

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And on the field, Tampa Bay rallied with a five run ninth, to win their first game of the season, 9-7 over the Chicago White Sox.   Wow, you’d think a really heavy and big weight had been lifted out of their clubhouse.

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And as an aside. Manny was hitting .059 (one for 17 )for the season at the time of his retirement. So much for the efficacy of Performance Enhancing Drugs.

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Okay, here’s a thought to avoid potential shutdown dramas. Tie Congress’s salaries to getting a budget done on time, 30 days before the deadline. For every day they miss that goal, their salaries are docked about 3 percent, down to almost nothing as they approach the last minute. Just might motivate some of these ideologues.

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Either that or make it like American Idol.  For every day after a certain deadline that Congress doesn’t get a budget done, America gets to vote and one congressperson gets sent home each day.

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Former Arkansas governor, Mike Huckabee,  a devout Christian who is staunchy  pro-life/anti choice,  said Friday Republicans should abandon their crusades against National Public Radio and Planned Parenthood, and get a budget passed. You know it’s a strange time when the guy who believes humans coexisted with dinosaurs was the voice of reason for the Republican party.

 

 

Earlier Friday the Republicans and Democrats had agreed on everything to avert a shutdown except whether or not to give $300 million for Planned Parenthood. Now, personally, I’m pretty adverse to giving BILLIONS to Halliburton in no-bid contracts, but wouldn’t want to shut down the government over it.

 

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Loserville:

April 8, 2011

The Cubs have started 3-3. But at Wrigley Field the attendance on Monday was 26,292, the lowest since 2002. Normally there aren’t so many empty seats at Wrigley until the whole place is empty in October.

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Natalie Portman said in an interview “I’m too old to be a stoner.”
“Speak for yourself, honey,” responded Willie Nelson.

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Donald Trump has declared bankruptcy three times, now he’s so concerned about President Obama’s birth that he says he’s sent a team of investigators to Hawaii “in hopes of getting to the bottom of the issue.” And this is the man who hopes to convince Americans he should be the one to oversee government spending?

Regarding “The Donald’s” potential presidential bid, Bill Cosby told Meredith Vieira on the “Today” show that Trump should “run or shut up.” Some of us wish he would do both.

 

The 2011 Boston Red Sox payroll is over $161 million, and the team is 0-6. With that kind of pay to performance ratio the Sox should be the official team of the U.S. Congress.

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The trip to Italy for the cast of Jersey Shore has been postponed. Many things apparently have to be negotiated first. Including America’s non-aggression pact with Italy.

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For those who wonder, how could Lebron James have grown up so clueless and self-absorbed,  here’s a story: Lebron’s mother was arrested by Miami Beach police after she reportedly assaulted a valet because it was taking too long to have her car delivered.

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Bill Littlejohn, with a variation on the above  incident.   LeBron James has become a minority owner of Liverpoll FC..  Scotland Yard had this reaction:  “Soccer hooligans, we can handle. Just tell him to please don’t bring his mother.”

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President Obama said Wednesday night there was “no reason” not to come to a deal and avoid a budget shutdown. Alas, when in recent memory has reason had anything to do with it?

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Once again, how can you write a punchline? And how can you make stuff like this up? Fox News hose Bill O’Reilly, talking about potential budgets cuts for “non-vital” programs: “Nodody’s life is affected by NPR. Nobody’s life is affected by Planned Parenthood. These are options.”  (Yes, he said this.)

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Augie’s comment about Ann Coulter coming to San Francisco.  Wonder if she’ll be speaking  at the
Y-M-C-A.?   I hear there’s a run on the Village People costumes. “

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Slow starts.

April 7, 2011

Not to say that they’re panicking in Boston yet.  But the Globe is considering putting Red Sox box scores in the obituary section.

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According to the San Francisco Chronicle, Ann Coulter is coming to the city this August for a fundraiser for a Young Republicans group. Makes sense, San Francisco has always been hospitable to female impersonators.

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The Tampa Bay Rays are now 0-5. In four of those losses, the team had exactly one run and four hits. In fact, the Rays are having such a hard time scoring they got a sympathy card from the Butler Bulldogs.

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Manny Ramirez says of being booed already by Rays fans “It’s all good. I liked it.” If that’s true Manny is going to have a very happy year in Tampa Bay.

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Congress is considering a law, sponsored by Utah Republican Jason Chaffetz,that would make it tougher for small wineries to sell by mail to out-of-state clients. So GOP proponents who want government out of our lives are now making an exception for our wine cellars as well as our bedrooms.

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For anyone who watched the NCAA men’s basketball tournament and thought. “the quality of play really sucks”, here’s a scary stat. There are 60 players on NBA rosters with college eligibility remaining. (And that doesn’t count D-leagues, teams in Europe, or kids who have already washed out after leaving school early.)

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Marc Ragovin said it was “the ugliest final since Snooki took calculus.”

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For fans of bad basketball, along with anyone who hasn’t gotten over VCU being included in the NCAA tournament, I give you – the Indiana Pacers. 35-43, and close to clinching a playoff spot.

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Not saying Tiger Woods isn’t really ready for the Masters Championship.  But last weekend he was seen practicing with the Butler Bulldogs.

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One of Bristol Palin’s entourage says that $262,500 she made just as a teen-pregnancy education ambassador for the Candies Foundation is “not out of the ordinary for a celebrity.” Fair enough, but just what qualifies Bristol as a celebrity other than her role in a real life version of “Knocked Up?”

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The new Pac 12 (the Pac 10 plus Utah and Colorado), is looking to sign a television contract for $220 million. Can’t imagine how these student-athletes get the idea it’s all about the money.

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If we DO have a government shutdown, let’s sure hope we don’t have any earthquakes while it happens. Just for the record, USGS employees would not only be furloughed, they would be forbidden from working without pay during a shutdown. Or even from talking to the media. But we could never have a major quake here in the U.S., right?

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Bad games and bad guys.

April 6, 2011

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says the league will insist their next labor deal includes testing for HGH. Well, why not? Their  steroid testing is going so well…

Sigh. At least now a player can’t go to the Pro Bowl in the same year as they get a steroid suspension.

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Brought to my attention by my friend Richard Kronish. Rutgers is paying Nobel Laureate Toni Morrison $30,000 to give their commencement speech. The Rutgers student organization paid $32,000 for “Snooki” to speak last week.

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Prosecutors in the Barry Bonds perjury trial failed in their bid to get a “recently discovered” audio tape of a alleged conversation between two key witnesses heard by the jury.

Leaving aside guilt or innocence, (and yes, I think Bonds knew what he was taking) I don’t think Judge Ito would have allowed a “recently discovered” tape, even of a confession, heard by the jury in the last days of the O.J. trial.

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“One and done” is the term fans use to describe the phenomenon of basketball players going to college and then leaving for the NBA one year later. “One and done” also describes the reaction of any fan of other sports who tuned in last night to watch their first NCAA men’s basketball final.

 

Not to say last night’s NCAA men’s basketball final was bad. But James Naismith is reportedly spinning in his grave.

 

There is some talk that due to recruitment violations, UConn may have to eventually give up their national championship. The game was so ugly, Coach Jim Calhoun is thinking of telling the NCAA – “Just take it, we don’t want the darn thing anyway.”

 

Regarding the NCAA’ women’s championship

As a Stanford fan it was fun to watch Notre Dame lose. But have to figure the Cardinal women’s team watched tonight and realized that yes, they did let a great chance for a national championship slip away.

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And watching some of the game, you had to figure either Texas A & M or Notre Dame would have matched up well with Butler or UConn.

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Kirstie Alley and her “Dancing with the Stars” partner took a tumble during the show tonight. Wonder what it registered on the Richter scale?

 

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Well, at least he’s consistent. Newt Gingrich called for the impeachment of Bill Clinton while he was cheating on his own wife. Now Newt is complaining that President Obama is trying to “extort contributions” by announcing his reelection bid so early. Gingrich raised about $15 million himself last year….

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53 to 41.

April 5, 2011

Connecticut may be getting the congratulatory phone call from President Obama.   But the way Butler was shooting, they should be getting a call from Dick Cheney.

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Butler’s performance might have been the worst ever in a national championship game. Fortunately, UConn’s was only the second worst.

Good thing this final NCAA game started at about 930p Eastern time; impressionable children should not be have been watching.

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This could have been the first NCAA men’s basketball championship decided by penalty kicks.

 

In fact, at some points things got so bad sports fans were watching recorded World Cup highlights, just to see some scoring.

 

 

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After this game,  Butler coach Brad Stevens had to be thinking “I need a stiff drink.”    Too bad he’s not old enough to legally buy one.

Stanford women have to wish they played UConn or Butler men instead of Texas A & M last night…

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How bad was the show?  Kept expecting to watch James Franco take over the announcing.

Hard to believe after about a month of excitement and drama, that after tonight’s  UConn-Butler game, men’s college basketball will be done until next fall. But fans of amateur talent will still have the Cavaliers and the Wizards.

From Michael Duca,  “My son points out something the California Golden Bears can be proud of: they were one of only two football teams to hold the University of Oregon to fewer points than Butler scored tonight!”

Coach Shaka Smart has turned down a job offer from N.C. State and signed an eight-year contract to stay with the Rams. Well, if nothing else, based on results, VCU has a better basketball program..

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Back to baseball:    The  Baltimore Orioles are 4-0? So for right now that’s “O”s as in “OMG.

Well, maybe they’re not quite as up-to-the-minute as they think: Just heard this driving home on the radio – “Stay tuned to KNBR for all the latest Giants’ news from spring training.”

Some comments don’t even need a punchline. According to CNN, the owner of the Gulf of Mexico oil rig that exploded last year, killing 11 workers and leading to what has been called the worst oil spill ever, said Monday that calling 2010 its “best year” in safety “may have been insensitive.”

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Finally getting to the finals:

April 4, 2011

Stanford women picked a bad game to start shooting free throws like men.

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And who had the UConn men in the finals, and the UConn women watching at home?

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Rough time to be an ESPN executive with women’s basketball, all the hype (and already canned segments) about a Stanford-UConn rematch, and the network ends up with Texas A & M-Notre Dame?

And changing over to baseball:-

Okay,  Giants fans, it’s too soon to panic.  But maybe Aubrey Huff needs a fielding thong.

Although for anyone reading too much into MLB’s first weekend, let’s see-  the Royals are in first place, and one of the only undefeated teams left in baseball are the Baltimore Orioles?

Oh yeah,  and the Red Sox are winless.

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The Yankees are now claiming that injured lefthanded reliever Pedro Feliciano was “abused” by the Mets during the four years he pitched for them.  Not true, responded the Mets, the only people we abuse are our fans.

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Meanwhile, the third member of the Oakland Raiders was arrested this off-season.  So lockout or no lockout the team is clearly in midseason form.

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And the most recent arrest of  Raiders wide receiver  Louis Murphy, was for illegal possession of a drug without a prescription, and the drug was Viagra.  Think when the team actually gets back in the locker room he may hear one or two jokes about “performance enhancing drugs?”

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New Southwest slogan:  “Flying that’s all it’s cracked up to be?”

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“Hop”  was the clear box office winner this weekend.  It might be the highest grossing bunny movie of all time, at least without Hugh Hefner involved.

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A 74 year old in San Diego stabbed his neighbor because he said the neighbor’s dogs were harrassing his kittens. Well, I suppose it’s a twisted sign of gender equality. Now we have a crazy cat man.

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Apparently  the reviews were terrible for Charlie Sheen’s first two “Torpedo of Truth,” shows, with many people simply walking out.  But maybe fans who bought tickets should have figured this – after all, a torpedo really is a kind of bomb.

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Well,  Jalen Rose, who had already been called on the carpet for his rants against Duke, has been pulled from ESPN after a DUI arrest.  Looks like Rose has gone from the ‘Fab Five’ to ‘Two and a half men.'”


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After opening day.

April 2, 2011

Wonder if it’s a sign that Opening Day at Wrigley was April Fool’s Day.  Of course the real jokes is played every fall, when Cubs fans are told “Wait Until Next Year.”

Belated April Fool’s kudos to whoever drew up a Final Four bracket showing Butler and VCU in it. But maybe they should try to be a little more realistic next time?

The Chicago White Sox had a 14-0 lead, and hung on to beat the Indians 15-10 after Cleveland scored 10 runs in the last four innings. Happiest man in minor league baseball? The last relief pitcher cut by the White Sox out of spring training.

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Robert Redford actually threw out the first pitch at Wrigley. What many people don’t know is that Redford actually went to the University of Colorado in 1955 on a baseball scholarship. Wonder if he ever pitched against Jamie Moyer?

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Opening Day at Wrigley Field was yesterday! Wonder who threw out the first white flag?

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Nate Miles, the player whose recruitment helped get UConn on probation early this year, says now that coach Jim Calhoun knew about the improper benefits. With the Huskies playing Kentucky and John Calipari today, this could be a matchup between a coach who has had two teams who have vacated Final Fours and one who is about to have his first.

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, as part of a broader package to reduce costs of Medicaid in Arizona, is proposing an annual $50 charge for patients who are obese. Which means her state may be the first where it’s easier to buy a gun than a Big Mac.

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Meghan McCain is unhappy about the upcoming movie “Game Change,” saying it will embarrass her family, especially her father.  Hard to think the movie could do a better job of that than John McCain did himself by picking Sarah Palin.

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Wizards’ rookie star John Wall will serve a one-game suspension for fighting tonight when Washington takes on the Cleveland Cavaliers. Kind of the basketball equivalent of OSU football coach Jim Tressell being suspended against Temple and Akron.

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T.C. comment on managers’ choosing their opening day pitchers.  I had the huge decision myself, “Coors, Bud Light, Michelob…

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Changing seasons:

April 1, 2011

Forget  all this equinox stuff, TODAY is the first real day of Spring. Play Ball!

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As the first pitch was thrown on Opening Day, thousands and thousands of fans were still filing into Dodger Stadium. Good to see Los Angeles fans are in mid-season form.

Orel Hershiser said during the ESPN Opening Night game that the SF Giants haven’t faced a batting practice pitcher like Kershaw. With all due respect, anyone in the Giants organization who throws like Clayton Kershaw (lefty, mid-nineties with control) won’t be throwing batting practice.

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Another discussion topic on Opening night was whether or not the Dodgers are committed to winning.  Well, Frank and Jamie McCourt are certainly committed to winning, the problem is, it’s in their divorce case against each other.

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The missing cobra from the Bronx Zoo was caught alive today. I see a made-for-television movie in our future – a combination of “Escape from New York” and “Snakes on a Plane.”

(the Cobra was located in an out of the way corner of the Reptile House.  As my friend Alex Kaseberg says, “Even cobras know it’s not safe to go outside in the Bronx.)

John Mellencamp and Stephen King are collaborating on a new musical. Let me guess, it’s not going to be produced by Disney.

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Chad Pennington (torn ACL) has now joined Zack Grienke (cracked rib) on the list of athletes who have injured themselves playing pickup basketball. Why can’t these guys follow the NBA players’ regular season regimen?:   Just don’t play that hard.

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Barry Zito’s car was broadsided by a red-light runner in Los Angeles last night. Fortunately the Giants pitcher was not seriously injured although his car was severely damaged. SF fans are hoping that’s the hardest Zito gets hit all year.  (assist to T.C.)

So the movie industry can take a perfectly lovely movie like “The King’s Speech,” and turn it into a PG13 film by cutting some off-colour language. Then why can’t they take some other top-rated films and re-release them as PG13 by cutting out some graphic and bloody violence?

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And they can’t even blame it on the butterfly ballot. A Florida PPP (Public Policy Polling) poll shows that in a hypothetical rematch, after only 2 months, Governor Rick Scott would lose to his Democratic opponent Alex Sink, 56 to 37 percent, with 16 percent of voters switching sides, INCLUDING 21 percent of Republicans.  Is there something in the water?  

(Too bad the governorship isn’t like Target, with a 90 day return policy with receipt.)

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Money, money, money…

March 31, 2011

For all those Colorado fans who thought their team should have been picked over VCU for the NCAA tournament – how’s that loss last night to Alabama in the NIT semifinals feeling?

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For anyone sick of the tawdry Bonds trial, here’s a story from the warm fuzzy world of college football – The AP reported that 4 former Auburn players have told HBO’s “Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel” they received thousands of dollars while being recruited by or playing for the Tigers.

One player said he used to get sacks of money after games with $300-400 in them.   Some former USC Trojans sniffed “Well, everything costs less in Alabama.”

When questioned about taking a pay cut to reduce the deficit, Wisconsin GOP Congressman Sean Duffy, who makes $174,000, plus benefits, said “I guarantee most of you, I have more debt than all of you. With six kids, I still pay off my student loans. I still pay my mortgage. I drive a used minivan.” Hmm, maybe Republicans shouldn’t have been so quick to vote to defund Planned Parenthood?”

PETA now wants the part of San Francisco known as the “Tenderloin” to be known as the “Tempeh” district. PETA’s executive VP wrote that “the city deserves a neighborhood named after a delicious cruelty-free food instead of the flesh of an abused animal.” I guess next the singles bars in the area will be known as “Tofu markets?

BCS Executive Director Bill Hanock is talking about kicking the Fiesta Bowl out of the system after the bowl admitted to “excessive compensation, nonbusiness and inappropriate expenditures and inappropriate gifts” Hancock said that the BCS “will not be associated with this kind of behavior.” And really, the Fiesta Bowl should have known better.  The BCS has always been completely against “inappropriate behavior”, unless it involves SEC and Big 10 teams.  (And maybe  USC.)

Sarah Palin referred to the military attack in Libya as a “squirmish.” If we’re going to be making up words I would say “squirmish” is what intelligent Republicans get every time Sarah Palin opens her mouth.

And not to whine, but, the Tonight Show has no women freelancers,  and says they don’t need more freelancers.  But they do seem to regularly come up with “great minds” jokes a day or two after I post on my blog.  Probably just a coincidence….

Here’s my joke from March 29:

Whole Foods has opened small bars, focused on local beer and wine, inside a dozen of their stores, and plans to open more. I guess the plan is, the more customers drink, the less they will notice how expensive the grocery prices are.

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Here’s Jay Leno’s joke on March 30:

The organic grocery store Whole Foods is putting beer and wine bars in some of their stores. The goal is to get you so drunk you won’t notice the prices.

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Eliminations.

March 30, 2011

Stanford women heading to the Final Four in Indianapolis.  Along now  with Texas A & M, Connecticut and Notre Dame.  Shocking results compared to the mens’ bracket.   Two number one seats, and two number twos.  And not an arrest or academic suspension between them.

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The smuggest person in America today? Whoever it was on the NCAA selection committee who lobbied to have VCU included for one of those play-in spots.

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Meanwhile, up in Canada, the government is auctioning off ladies thongs. (Apparently a lot of stolen property recovered from an Ottawa lingerie shop after insurance had already paid off the owners.) 

Hey, it worked for the San Francisco Giants, maybe the Blue Jays should put in a bid.

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The Fiesta Bowl fired their longtime CEO John Junker today. An internal report found all sorts of financial irregularities, and “an apparent scheme” to reimburse employees for political contributions plus “an apparent conspiracy” to cover it up. A BCS executive is less than straightforward and honorable? I’m shocked, shocked.

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Cleveland Cavaliers 102, Miami Heat 90. This might be the most embarrassing sports story of the day not involving shrunken testicles.

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Jalen Rose has been arrested for an alleged DUI in Michigan. Which means the former Fab Five star may now wish he hadn’t gone out of his way, especially if he wants a black lawyer, to have alienated anyone who was educated at Duke and other “elite” colleges..

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Radio host Mike Catherwood is the first celebrity voted off the new season of “Dancing with the Stars.”   Which provoked a surprised response from most Americans:  – “Who the heck is Mike Catherwood?”

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Abercrombie and Fitch has apparently been trying to sell a padded bra for seven-year old girls. I hate to think what padded thing they are thinking of for seven-year old boys.

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Apparently California Republicans are worried about a measure that would move the state’s presidential primary from February to June. It’s partly that they think the race would be over by then, and partly because even our GOP can’t stand the thought of listening to some of these loonies for four more months.

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Sarah Palin says “Gaddafi’s gotta go, killing or capturing,” because he’s going to attack the U.S. 

Sarah, Sarah…. Gaddafi can’t even see the U.S. from his house.

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Okay, I concede that almost everyone connected with the Bonds trial (including Barry) is sleazy. But I really wish they would call Bud Selig to the stands and ask him under oath what he thought was going on with all those suddenly amazing home run hitters?

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Rick Santorum now says the Social Security system would be in much better shape if there were fewer abortions, because then we would have more people alive to work and pay into the system. Right. Stand by for his next speech when Santorum discovers the concept of welfare.

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Shaka Can.

March 28, 2011

The media was sure treating today’s VCU-Kansas game as a foregone conclusion.  Am amazed no one referred to VCU as “sacrificial Rams.”

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Shaka Smart is a mixed race man, raised by his mother and given an African name by his father. Considering how upset some betters (and big school alums) must be it’s a good thing there’s no rule that the coach of a final four team needs to be born in the U.S.

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All these pundits who say VCU didn’t belong in the NCAA tournament may be right. Maybe the Rams should have been picked for the NBA playoffs?

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Rumor had it Kansas was trying to find out if Pat Summitt was available at halftime.

ESPN’s Dick Vitale said before the tournament “Look at Colorado’s résumé, look at UAB and look at VCU,  it’d be an M&Mer — a mismatch, man. It would be like a beauty contest — Roseanne Barr walking in versus Scarlett Johansson. No shot, none whatsoever.”

I hear Scarlett Johansson just showed up in a VCU jersey.

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You have to feel a bit for Butler. This will be their first tournament game as the “over-dog.”

Suddenly having one team left in the Final Four (Kentucky) doesn’t feel quite so stupid. (And I did have VCU over USC in the play-in game.)

Harry Wesley Coover Jr., known as the inventor of Super Glue, has died. He was 94. Funeral arrangements are pending, although instead of hymns the organist plans to play versions of “Together Forever”, “Can’t Let Go,” and “Stuck on You.”

Pepsi is coming out with a new bottle  made entirely from plant material. –  switch grass, pine bark and corn husks.  Sounds like consumers might be better off throwing out the contents and eating the bottle.

Newt Gingrich says “I am not a hypocrite,” in response to queries about how he could have condemned Clinton while having his own affairs. I think I even like Nixon’s “I am not a crook” better.

Thinking about Geraldine Ferraro and realizing there were parallets between the 1984 and 2008 Presidential elections. Two candidates losing in the polls went for a “Hail Mary” and picked a woman running mate. Although Walter Mondale at least picked one with brains.

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Biased from birth?

March 27, 2011

President Obama has one #1 seed left alive in his brackets  – Kansas. So how come no one is opining that he made that decision because of his parentage.

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And just wondering,  who the heck keeps giving Butler these low seeds anyway?

Although let’s be honest,  Brad Stevens looks less like a basketball coach, than a wannabe actor who was cast in a bit part for the movie “Social Network.”

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And regarding all these rumors that coach K might be asked to coach the Lakers, why not Brad Stevens?  Or for that matter Tara Vanderveer or Pat Summitt?

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And sorry guys, the best pure basketball players in the San Francisco Bay Area just might be Chiney and Nnemkad Ogwumi.

(And yeah, say those names fast and/or try to spell them. Maybe it’s not just East coast bias that has most of  the media types rooting against Stanford.)

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Great line from Abraham Lincoln, quoted tonight by Tara Vanderveer to the Stanford women before their game against UNC: “I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down…”

VCU coach Shaka Brown, who has his lightly regarded team one win from the Final Four, says his dad named him after a South African king.   Wonder how long it will take for some people to claim Shaka ‘s an invalid leader because he clearly wasn’t born in the U.S.

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A Texas man was sentenced to 99 years in jail for his 16th DWI.  My question, who the heck were the judges who let him walk after his 15th, and 14th, and 13th…

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Michele Bachman gave a speech today in Des Moines bragging about her efforts to revoke government regulation of light bulbs, “I introduced the light bulb freedom of choice act!” That light bulb regulation, for what it’s worth, was signed into law by that noted “Enviro-Nazi” George W. Bush.

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A new portrait of Pedro Martinez has been unveiled in the National Portrait Gallery. Museum staff have already noticed some mornings that nearby portraits appear to have been knocked down.

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Bill Littlejohn’s take on the same subject:  “A portrait of Pedro Martinez is going to be displayed at the Smithsonian.  It’s the first thing Pedro has sent to the canvas since Don Zimmer.”

Finally, R.I.P Geraldine Ferraro. I always wish she had responded to Barbara Bush’s snide comment with “You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.”

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And then there were eight.

March 26, 2011

 Headline from tonight’s NCAA Sweet Sixteen matchup?   “The Buckeyes Stop Here.”   

And yes, another #1 seed, Ohio State, goes down in the 2011 NCAA tournament. Bad news for collectors who were hoping to buy one of those championship rings.

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After the loss, Ohio State’s freshman star Jared Sullinger said he would be returning for another season  – “I did make a decision and I’m definitely coming back next year. I need to work on a lot of things. I have to come back. I’m coming back to win.”

No mention in that statement of any secondary reasons to return to college for another year…. like going to class?

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In college football sometimes for big games, they introduce players by their name and major.  Wonder if they stopped doing that in basketball because the number one answer was “Major?”

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Arizona 93 – Duke 77. Now, the Stanford Cardinal played the Wildcats twice this year. Losing once by 10 and once by 9. Guess this is the closest Stanford has been in a while to having bragging rights on Duke.

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Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips reiterated a comment he made earlier this week in a Fox news interview, saying that “Charlie Sheen still makes more sense than John Boehner.” Actually I would argue Charlie Sheen makes more sense than a lot of people, including Judson Phillips.

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The NCAA seeding committee is not happy losing three of their #1 teams before the “Elite Eight”  in the men’s tournament. Now that they’ve tweaked the number from 64 to 68, the next tweak for 2012 may be a “judge’s save.”

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A Cleveland Browns fan is suing the NFL, claiming the lockout violates his contract to buy tickets through his personal seat license. Actually, it’s more surprising a Browns fan hasn’t sued before – in theory the PSLs was supposed to entitle them to buy tickets to watch professional football.

So Newt Gingrich said Obama should enforce a no-fly zone, but now that the President has joined the coalition doing just that, Newt has changed his mind and says the no-fly zone is a mistake. Makes sense on some level, Gringrich has always had trouble with decisions involving his own fly.

And in the “We thought only U.S. elected officials had trouble with their own language, I give you this picture, from BBC news of a road sign in Wales.

Apparently the local council in Swansea, mindful that the law in Wales requires all signs to be bilingual,  sent off the request to their translation service, and had the sign made with the reply.

Except that what the sign means in Welsh?    “I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated”.

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Bad boys and girls.

March 25, 2011

So how many Duke haters hate them more now? Since the Blue Devils’ getting trashed by Arizona busted their brackets?

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Despite his baggage, apparently nine NFL teams are talking to Cam Newton. Wonder if some day they will make a documentary of this titled “Smart Organizations, Foolish Choices?”

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The UConn Huskies, Butler Bulldogs and Arizona Wildcats all advanced to the Elite Eight. Shame the BYU Cougars lost in overtime to Florida. We could have subtitled the next round “Finding out the truth about cats and dogs.”

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Although speaking of catch phrases for this tournament, can SOMEONE please come up with something more original than the “Butler did it?”  (I don’t have one yet….maybe “Butler cleaning house?” Suggestions encouraged.

An air traffic controller was suspended at National Airport after he fell asleep on the job. A new rule has thus been implemented – controllers are no longer allow to go out for pre-flight Happy Hours with pilots.

At this point we don’t know if charges will be filed against the air traffic controller who fell asleep at National Airport.  In his defense, the controller said he did have a radio in the background turned to one of Joe Biden’s speeches.

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Sarah Palin said today “I’m through whining” about the media. Over-under as to whether this resolution lasts a longer or shorter time than Lindsay Lohan’s latest rehab?

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Britney Spears had planned an outdoor concert in San Francisco’s Castro district this weekend, but has cancelled it because of the weather. So several Castro residents are happily sitting back and saying “Cool, that rain dance worked.”

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Apparently rumors of a Charlie Sheen book deal were premature. Several publishers have said they rejected the proposal because of Sheen’s high price tag and unpredictable behavior. Hmm… this didn’t kill a similar deal for Sarah Palin.

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Michele Bachman is thinking of launching an exploratory committee to run for president in 2012. If it starts seeming like she has any chance at all for the GOP nomination, donations will be pouring in, from Democrats.

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Point of clarification, and an alas mostly serious statement:  Just as Bill Clinton’s impeachment was technically not about sex, Barry Bonds’ trial is technically not about steroids. Both were charged with lying to grand juries.

But meanwhile, other MLB players have long moved on to PEDs 2.0.

From Marc Ragovin:

So the New York City Council has renamed the 102 year-old Queensborough Bridge for 86 year-old former mayor, Ed Koch. One is an ancient, crumbling piece of infrastructure. The other’s a bridge.

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Scumbags, scumbags, we got scumbags.

March 22, 2011

 When Good Morning America co-anchor Robin Roberts kept asking Chris Brown about his guilty plea for assaulting girlfriend Rihanna, Brown smashed a window and stormed out of the studio. Yeah, that ought to convince America he’s learned to keep his temper under control.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell was quoted as saying “We have not had any discussions or consideration of replacement players.”  Or at least none in a room that wasn’t swept clean of potential bugs or other electronic recording devices first.

So if the league does offer jobs to players who aren’t really NFL material, does that mean Carolina Panthers players will be eligible.

The Bachelor, Brad Womack, was not taken to a hospital as first reported. It turns out he actually called 911 from an Austin park when he found a stranger in need of medical attention. This, however, did not prevent Brad from talking to the 911 operator for an hour about his feelings.

The defense Barry Bonds is using in this trial is that he realizes now he used steroids, but really believed his trainer’s telling him that he was taking flaxseed oil and arthritis cream. Hey, this defense would work if he were a college athlete in the SEC.

The latest Fox News controversy has to do with an admitted “error” by the network in their story about the Libyan government using Western journalists as human shields.  With all the “Faux” news stories they’ve had lately, it’s a wonder Fox hasn’t found someone to manufacture a fake Kenyan birth certificate.

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Lawrence Taylor was sentenced to six years probation and forced to register as a sex offender for his “encounter” with an underage prostitute who said she was 19.  But the girl, speaking through Gloria Allred, now says Taylor should have known she was underage and should go to jail.

LT seems like a scumbag, and he’s being punished for it, but Gloria Allred gives women lawyers a bad name. 

(The only woman’ whose best interests she really has at heart is Gloria Allred.)

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Dennis Kucinich now says that President Obama’s taking part in the European coalition’s attack against Qaddafi was an “impeachable offense.”   How’d we all like to be flies on the wall at Sarah Palin’s “war room” while they figure out a response to THAT statement?

And now Rand Paul may be jumping into the 2012 Presidential race.  Paul, Kucunich, Bachman, Palin…. For political junkies of a certain age, or those who just like political history, Pat Paulson is retrospectively looking more and more like a legitimate candidate.

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Withdrawal.

March 22, 2011

Monday night, male sports fans across America had to do without the NCAA’s men’s college basketball tournament for the first time in six days. On the other hand,  there was the opening round of “Dancing with the Stars.” 

So wonder how many men had their first serious glimpse of the Stanford and Tennessee women?

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The latest in a long line of  “Does this really need a punchline?” The Las Vegas deputy district attorney who prosecuted Paris Hilton for cocaine possession was arrested over the weekend for allegedly buying cocaine.

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Inspired by my friend Jerry Perisho, who said “Barry Bonds is on trial?? I don’t even remember him killing anybody.”   Yeah, but if he had killed someone he would have been acquitted by now.

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The rumors are that CBS wants Charlie Sheen back for “Two and a half men.” Will the book someone will someday write about this whole episode be titled “Smart networks, foolish choices?”

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Tennessee fired men’s basketball coach Bruce Pearl over recruiting violations which have already led to an NCAA investigation.  The Vols were eliminated in the tournament’s first real round by Michigan 75-45.   Just  wondering, if Tennessee were into the Sweet Sixteen, would the school be somehow blaming it all on Pearl’s father? 

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And wonder if Lane Kiffin is recommending Pearl as the next head basketball coach at USC?

Tiger Woods’ latest girlfriend is 22 years old, and was arrested last year for DUI with a blood alcohol level of .21. And now she’s dating Tiger? Sounds like her judgment is still impaired.

(added Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times.   ” That’s .13 over par.”)

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At one point in today’s NCAA women’s basketball tournament, St. Johns was ahead of Stanford 22-16. Stanford ended up winning by 25 after being ahead by 30.

So what did Tara Vanderveer say to motivate her team – “Ladies, you’re playing like boys?”

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For any sports fans who think the NBA doesn’t have enough parity between the haves and have-nots, I give you NCAA women’s basketball. While UCLA lost tonight to Gonzaga, AT GONZAGA, in the tournament, they had only four previous losses all year. And three of them were to Stanford.

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And anyone who hates tacky can stop reading now:

A South Carolina man who twice pleaded guilty to having sex with a horse has been released from prison after 16 months but put on probation and ordered to stay away from the animal. Good thing Prince Charles has diplomatic immunity.

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Higher math?

March 21, 2011

For anyone who thinks basketball players don’t need to go to class, Texas proved today it is nonetheless a good idea that they at least learn enough math to know how to count to five. 

Or at least enough history to remember what happened to Chris Webber when he forgot that too.

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Seminoles 71 – Fighting Irish 57. This news upset Notre Dame alums, residents of South Bend, IN, Gainesville, FL and approximately no one else.

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#11 seed Marquette over #3 seed Syracuse. One overrated Big East team knocks off another overrated Big East team.

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“Boilermaker” – a drink consisting of a beer chaser and a shot of tequila, whiskey or vodka. And what sports fans will be drinking tonight who had Purdue into the Elite Eight.

A T & T is now buying T-Mobile. And the new company will encompass the former Pacific Bell, SBC (Southern Bell) and about half the other original Bell companies. So just how big does A T & T have to get before the government breaks them up again?

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My favorite current factoid from the 2011 NCAA tournament: As we await the Sweet Sixteen there are as many teams from the Big East left as there are from Richmond, Virginia.

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Mark Barron, Alabama’s leading tackler in 2010, was arrested last night for misdemeanor “hindering prosecution,” (whatever that means.) No word on whether the school will suspend him in 2011 for the game against Kent State or the game against North Texas.

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Tiger Woods’ new girlfriend is apparently a 22 year old student from Ohio attending a Florida branch of Michigan-based Northwood University. Northwood states their mission is to develop “future leaders of a global, free-enterprise society.” So she’s old enough to respect Tiger’s money from free enterprise, and young enough that she maybe doesn’t member the details of Tiger’s marriage.

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Facebook tells me I have 12 friends who “like” Sarah Palin. I will refrain from comments other than to say that this proves the ability of social media to forge friendships that transcend traditional social boundaries. (But, okay, guys, really?)

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John Boehner is criticizing President Obama again, this time saying he has a “responsibility to define what the mission in Libya is, better explain what America’s role is in achieving that mission, and make clear how it will be accomplished.” Surprising that a Republican would ever again use “mission” and “accomplished” in the same sentence.

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Brackets are busting out all over.

March 20, 2011

Forget brackets and pools.  Back at the beginning of the season, who had the only California men’s college basketball team in the Sweet Sixteen as… San Diego State?

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And isn’t it about time the committee started giving Butler single-digit seeds?

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At this rate with their decidedly mediocre performances in the tournament, especially with #1 seed Pittsburgh losing, maybe we should start referring to the “Big East” as the “Big Easy.”

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Meanwhile, over in the women’s tournament, #1 seed Tennessee used every player on their roster in beating Stetson 99-34. Guess you can say Stetson had their hats handed to them.

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Another NCAA tournament, another early exit for Georgetown. Guess Hoya stands for “Highly Overrated Yet Again.”

 

 

 

Newt Gingrich blamed his infidelities on caring too much about the country.  Now Rudy Giuliani is comparing his own very public infidelities and three marriages to  Mitt Romney’s Massachusetts health care plan.

Even Bill Clinton is thinking – have you no shame?

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You know it’s a weird Presidential primary when the Mormon might be the only top tier GOP candidate with only one wife.

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Ann Coulter said this week in her column and on the “O’Reilly Factor” that radiation is “good for you.” So, in a spirit of bipartisan good wishes, can we take up a collection to send her to report on the Fukushima Nuclear plant?.

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A steak knife-wielding man held police and security guards at bay for nearly half an hour at the Staples Center .

Might be the best defense Clippers fans have seen all year.

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Just wondering: Now that the U.S. joined European nations in strikes against Libya, where’s the applause from all the conservatives who were complaining Obama should take action?

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Amtrak renamed the Wilmington, Delaware, train station Joseph R. Biden Jr. Railroad Station.  When Biden was a senator, he rode the train regularly to D.C. for 36 years.  Said the Vice President at the ceremony  “The truth is, I don’t deserve this, unless you reward longevity.”

And President Obama reminded him…they’re honoring the longevity of your service, not your speeches.

 

Canadian joke from my friend Gregg Drinnan in Kamloops , BC.  where he is sports editor of the Daily News: “Being a proud Canadian, I once again am rooting for Yukon to go all the way.”

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