Author Archive

Fit to be tied.

December 10, 2015

 

There’s a three-way tie atop NFC East at 5-7. Call me old-fashioned, but it would be nice for NFL division winners at least to have records that make them bowl eligible.

 

Goldstar is offering discount rates for William Shatner’s one-man show in San Francisco, “Shatner’s World.” But really, shouldn’t we be able to name our own price?

 

MLB is now recommending that for safety reasons teams install protective netting in front of lower level seats inside the baselines. And in Boston presumably a bit further out into left field in case a certain third baseman going for a ball tumbles into the stands.

Reports are that if Marissa Mayer is fired by Yahoo, her severance package could reach $110 million. Wow. That’s enough money that in a few years Mayer can use the money to run for President touting her leadership ability.

Phrase on a local radio station many San Francisco fans thought they’d never hear at the beginning of the season – “the 49ers can build around Blaine Gabbert.”

Well, apparently this is probably a hoax.  But most media picked up the story today of Mexican Drug Lord “El Chapo” being upset at ISIS – telling them they “made a mistake” in destroying one of his shipments. And emailing their leader “I pity the next son of a whore who tries to interfere with the business of the Sinaloa cartel. I will have their hearts and tongues torn from them.”

If it IS a hoax, setting El Chapo after ISIS actually isn’t that bad an idea.

Some have opined that Donald Trump’s candidacy is a plot to help Hillary Clinton. I just hope it’s not a plot to make the rest of the GOP look reasonable by comparison.

Many conservatives were happy with Antonin Scalia’s comments about affirmative action. Well, if he feels so strongly about not admitting kids who can’t keep pace academically, wonder what the reaction would be if instead of going after African-Americans, the Justice had just called to dismantle college football?

United Airlines is apparently thinking of offering pyjamas to their international business class passengers. That’s in business class. In coach presumably they are thinking about charging passengers who are wearing extra clothes.

 

Russell Taylor, the former head of Jared Fogle’s charity was sentenced to 27 years in prison for making child porn, after begging the judge for a light sentence and “not allow me to rot in the landfill of lost souls.”
Got news for the guy, a lot of the convicts are upset about the thought of having to rot with HIM.

Sad sign of the times: The local news is reporting on a lock down at a San Jose school – an “active shooter drill.”

 

There’s something that doesn’t quite make sense when we have Americans who for “safety” reasons want to register Muslims but not register guns.

Closing time?

December 9, 2015

The Phillies have traded their closer, Ken Giles, to the Astros. Well, at least this means Giles might actually start having some games to close.

Trump is now taking on President Obama’s comment about Muslims-Americans being “our friends and our neighbors, our coworkers, our sports heroes”.

The Donald tweeted “What sport is he talking about, and who?” Well, leaving aside Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, for starters, Trump may also be proving that it’s not just boxers who behave as if they’ve been hit in the head one too many times. ‪#‎notthegreatest‬

Carmelo Anthony now says he’s frustrated by a lack of calls from referees this season. But really, don’t all sentences involving Melo say he is frustrated about SOMETHING?

Browns coach Mike Pettine said that “I imagine repercussions would be harsh” if QB Johnny Manziel has another off-field transgression.
It’s all part of the NFL and Cleveland’s “12 strikes and you’re out policy.”

United Airlines says that in Feb. 2016, they will bringing back free snacks for economy passengers. And in Jan. 2016 presumably they will raise all fares $10-20?

Angela Merkel has been named Time’s “Person of the Year.” Waiting for Donald Trump to complain about yet another American job going to a foreigner.

Samsung apparently wants to get into the self-driving car business. Okay, some statements don’t even need an (un-PC) punchline.

The latest report is that a man named Enrique Marquez, who was the one who purchased the assault rifles for the San Bernandino shooter “so his name wouldn’t be on file,” told friends at a party that “There’s a lot of Muslims in our own backyard, just ready to go haywire and attack.”
If true, this proves once again that while we may fear terrorism, we have as much to fear from ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia suggested that affirmation action means that African-American students are”being pushed into schools that are too advanced for them” and that “most of the black scientists in this country do not come from the most advanced schools.”
Wonder if Scalia’s views were shaped by the fact that fellow justice Clarence Thomas went to Yale.

The accused Planned Parenthood shooter today in court shouted that he was a “warrior for the babies.” So since all the GOP candidates support police, who will be the first to declare a moratorium on pro-lifers entering the U.S.?

In Austin, the University of Texas has told “Come and Take It Texas,” and “DontComply.com”, two gun-rights groups that they will not be allowed to go ahead with their plan for a mock mass murder, featuring fake guns and blood, on campus this weekend. The groups planned to use the event to demonstrate how much safer students would be with guns..
Right, because nothing says safety like a bunch of armed people who are stupid enough to think this was a good idea.

But finally a serious question,  can we get bipartisan agreement from my pro and anti-gun friends on this proposal?   If you buy a gun for someone who would have issues getting it on their own, or if you give someone like that a gun, or if you are careless with your gun and someone uses it, accidentally or on purpose, to injure someone else, you are criminally liable as at least as an accessory.

Take a bite out of this?

December 9, 2015

 

St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman says he is banning Donald Trump from his city “until we fully understand the dangerous threat posed by all Trumps.”
Not often do I say this but, “well played, Florida.”

Now, back to the usual Sunshine State items:  A Florida burglary suspect who apparently was partially eaten by an alligator while trying to avoid police by hiding in a pond – the alligator ended up being euthanized by police. Really? Shouldn’t the gator have been rewarded for helping law enforcement?

Think maybe we can convince George Zimmerman some kid wearing a hoodie is hiding in a Florida pond? ‪#‎gatorpower‬

One of the quotes of the day: “This whole notion that somehow we need to say no more Muslims — and just ban a whole religion — goes against everything we stand for and believe in.” Another commie-pinko liberal railing against Donald Trump?
Actually, the quote is from Dick Cheney.

 

Another thought on Donald Trump’s idea to ban all Muslims entering the U.S. Uh, names don’t always indicate religion – my husband, for example has the last name Schwartz and was raised Catholic. And plenty of people convert. So what does the Donald propose? A Bible test at the border?

Monday’s nonstop Air France flight bound from San Francisco to Paris on was diverted to Montreal because of a bomb threat that turned out to be a false alarm. The plane continued on to Paris in the morning.
So now passengers are focused on the important things – like “Do we get extra frequent flier miles for this?”

 

Good to see someone associated with the NCAA has a sense of humor. Football games between BYU and Utah are referred to as “The Holy War.” And this year the two teams are playing in the Royal Purple Bowl, played in Las Vegas.

Although to be fair, there’s a lot of praying over games in Vegas.

 

Douglas Tompkins, 72, who founded North Face clothing, died of hypothermia after his kayak capsized in southern Chile. So did Mother Nature finally decide to enact some karmic revenge on Tompkins for all the people his products kept protected from weather?

ABC is remaking Dirty Dancing with a three-hour TV movie. Well, that ought to go about as well as the Sound of Music with Carrie Underwood. ‪#‎isnothingsacred‬?

 

In Fremont, California, police were called when an injured man climbed out of a garbage truck. Apparently he had fallen asleep in a trash bin and survived two compaction cycles. “Missed it by that much,” said Darwin

So maybe it wasn’t all his immigrant wife’s fault: CNN is reporting that investigators now think the American-born San Bernandino shooter may have also planned a 2012 attack with someone else, but “got spooked” and abandoned it.

 

 

From Christopher Green, one of my friends up North – “Canada is already committed to 25,000 Syrian refugees in the next few months. I’m not sure that we’ll also be able to accommodate all the American refugees next November if Trump wins.”

Insult to injury?

December 8, 2015

Former Trojan football coach Steve Sarkisian, who insisted publicly that he didn’t think he had a drinking problem and didn’t need rehab, is now going to sue USC for $30 million for wrongful termination because they didn’t accommodate his “disability.”
And we wonder why many Americans hate lawyers..

 

Thinking maybe it isn’t such a bad thing that the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ missed out on a trade for Aroldis Chapman.

Forget whether or not the Philadelphia 76ers could beat say, Kentucky or Duke. Could they beat the Washington Generals?

The San Antonio Spurs, without Tim Duncan, beat Philadelphia 76ers 119 to 68. If the 76ers keep up at this pace, the NBA might want to consider a mercy rule.

Three college football bowl teams this year have 5-7 records. Does this make them honorary members of the NFC East?

 

Oops, a woman tried to get away from a hit and run where she hit TWO vehicles, but her car’s 911 Assist system, which automatically calls police after accidents, did its job and gave police details of where to find her. You guessed it, Florida. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎thankgoodnessforsmartcars‬

 

A woman driver was arrested near the Holland Tunnel, allegedly so drunk that she didn’t realize she was in New Jersey. Although to be fair, a lot of sober people try to forget being in New Jersey.

 

I cannot imagine the horror of having a friend or relative killed in a mass shooting. But 14 Americans are killed in San Bernandino and many want to change our entire way of life. Nine African-Americans were killed in Charleston, and after a while we just shrugged. ‪#‎alllivesmatter‬ ‪#‎toomuchhate‬

So Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have named their newborn son “Saint.”  Is this part of some grand plan to keep daughter “North” from getting teased for having the strangest name in school?

Or is it just another step in Kanye and Kim’s drive to get full employment for child psychologists?

 

From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg “Jimmy Carter declares himself brain-cancer free. Such great news it almost makes up for there being another Kardashian.”

Not quite bowled over.

December 6, 2015

Get out the violins. Amongst USA Today’s “Losers” in the last week of the college football season was Illinois, who expected a bowl bid, but due to a variety of other scores look to be left out. The Fighting Illini are 5-7.

 

So the Fiesta Bowl is now the BattleFrog Fiesta Bowl? Say it ain’t so. Now we won’t be able to hear announcers say in the 4th quarter – “This is for all the Tostitos.”

The CFP is fun, but on other hand, the Rose Bowl is now a consolation prize?. ‪#‎Stanford‬ ‪#‎OhioState‬ ‪#‎lawofunintendedconsequences

 

NY Jets pulled out a win vs the NY Giants today. Can we can we start calling this the “We Suck Less” bowl?

49ers said they are “open” to bringing Colin Kaepernick back in 2016. Right, except that open door might more like a trap door.

Meanwhile, if they gave out a trophy for being the least bad team in the NFC East it would have to be a silver hot potato.

 

 

Wrap your head around this as bowl selections are announced: After Alabama, the highest ranked team in the SEC is – 9-3 Ole Miss?! ‪#‎howthemightyhavefallen‬

Big difference between ‪#‎NCAA‬ & ‪#‎NFL‬ football in 2015. College football has more than 4 teams who could actually win a playoff championship.

#‎Stanford‬ has played so many late night games. many  East Coast #‎Heisman‬ voters had to be wondering – so who is this McCaffrey kid?  He’s not bad.  ‪#‎USCvsSTanford‬

Now to be fair, while McCaffrey did catch a pass for a touchdown and actually THREW for a touchdown, it did take until late in the 4th quarter for him get his first rushing touchdown.  So maybe a bit of an off day.  #only461yards

Donald Trump urged his Iowa supporters to do everything they can to get to the caucuses – “Even if you’re not feeling good, if you’re feeling horrible, if you had a horrible fight with your wife or your husband… if you caught your husband cheating the night before, you’ve got to go to the caucus, right? And vice versa.”

So is this what the Donald considers “playing to his base?”

Finally, on a serious note. Some seem very upset over Clinton and Obama  not using the term, “radical Islam,” Now personally, I am one of the least PC liberals I know. But we live in a world that is both very nuanced and fond of simplistic sound bites.
And if anyone says, oh, of course people understand that only a small minority of Muslims are radical. Right, just the same as everyone understands that only a small minority of Planned Parenthood’s health care is abortions, and that payment for fetal issue is a fraction of that. No, I am not equating the two, but I am equating the rhetoric. ‪#‎timetotoneitdown‬

The $200 million dollar man.

December 5, 2015

Zack Greinke signed a 6 year, $206 million deal with the…. Arizona Diamondbacks? Well, maybe Greinke figured he would do better without all that post-season pressure.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ might have done just fine with Greinke deal: They don’t risk $200 million on a 32 yr-old pitcher & Zack’s no longer with the Dodgers.

 

 

So Trump has backed down from his demand that CNN donate $5 million for him to participate in the next GOP debate. And the Donald expects us to think he can take on, China, Putin, ISIS….. he can’t even stand tough with a measly cable network.

Aaron Hernandez has reportedly now been moved to a segregated unit at his maximum security prison, after he was found with a prison-made shank in his cell Thursday. You really do wonder how the former Gators/Patriots star has managed to stay alive to the age of 26. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

LSU’s AD said that the school had made “inquiries” about possible replacements for their football coach, but decided that Les Miles “was the right man for the job. Partial translation, “nobody we thought was better was interested.

 

A new report found that 1 in 4 U.S. bridges is “structurally deficient,” meaning some part of the bridge’s core structure needs repair or complete replacement. And the rest no doubt are in danger with a potential Chris Christie presidency.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ have signed ‪#‎JeffSamardzija‬ to a 5 yr deal. Too soon to tell but so far only really unhappy people have to be SF copy editors.

 

 

A Seattle policeman who pulled a 73 year-old man over for driving without headlights was going to let him off with a warning, when the officer saw the driver allegedly attempting to snort cocaine DURING THE TRAFFIC STOP. Your move, Florida. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Budapest tour guide talks about history and says Hungary has alas chosen the wrong side in all wars. Points out that the country is now part of NATO. And she adds thus NATO cannot start any future wars – because with Hungary involved, they will lose

From T.C.  “Kobe Bryant has announced that he will retire after this season. I wonder how much collectors will pay for his last “air ball””

 

Stopping on the hell bus.

December 4, 2015

There are rumors that the wife of the man who named shooter in San Bernadino was the one of the couple who was “radicalized” and a fan of Isis.  Okay, not denying this, but exactly what is the attraction for a heterosexual woman of 72 virgins in heaven.

Other than maybe never having to deal with housework or childcare again?

And regarding that rumor that the  San Bernadino shooter was radicalized by his foreign-born wife; waiting for Trump to demand a ban on marrying immigrants….

 

George Zimmerman has been kicked off Twitter after he posted nude pictures of an ex-girlfriend, saying “She cheated on me with a dirty Muslim. (The woman’s phone number.) She’ll sleep with anyone.”
Thinking at this point most of America is REALLY REALLY wishing Trayvon Martin had been armed.

Donald Trump has said this week, “When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives, don’t kid yourself. When they say they don’t care about their lives, you have to take out their families.”
Does that include ALL terrorists? Even the Christian or secular American white men? ‪#‎Justasking‬

 

Clemson coach Dabo Swinney said he doesn’t think there’s “any question” the ACC should have a team in the CFP.   Even if his team loses to #10 North Carolina.

Well, with all due respect, has there been a coach yet that said, “You know, our conference really sucks, so I can understand if we all end up at lesser bowls?”

What’s more shocking for NFL fans – Aaron Rodgers’ 61-yard Hail Mary pass to win the game against Detroit? Or the fact that the Packers needed a Hail Mary pass to beat the Lions?

How to feel old. When you hear that Scott Weiland, 48, has passed away. And you realize – a, he was younger than you, and b, you had no idea who “Stone Temple Pilots” were.

Although many Dungeness crabs are now testing clean, there is still no word on opening the crab season in California due to toxins still found in some crabs in the Monterey area. This all is evidently due to high water temperatures causing an algae bloom..
Here’s one proposed solution – open the season first on a test basis for those who don’t believe in global warming and/or science.

 

 

A FIFA official from Guatemala who was charged with corruption was arrested today as he boarded a Disney cruise ship in Florida. Makes some sense. Maybe federal officials figured, if he could afford a Disney cruise….

 

In sad times it’s so good to see our nation’s politicians focused on what’s important – the Senate voted Thursday 52-47 to repeal key provisions of Obamacare and strip federal funding from Planned Parenthood. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

 

And finally on a lighter note.  As if anything Hunter Pence does isn’t adorable

 

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/mlb-big-league-stew/hunter-pence-gets-engaged-at-disney-world-and-it-s-totally-adorable-235742581.html

Darkness and light

December 3, 2015

It is way too soon to draw definite conclusions. But a CNN headline trumpets “Officials – San Bernardino killer in touch with terrorists.”
Thinking, if I were involved in anything awful, even as a victim, can just imagine what “officials” would say based on my varied Facebook friends and blog readers.

It’s sadly interesting to note that the suspects in the San Bernandino shooting had pipe bombs, along with all their guns and “5,000+ rounds of ammunition.” But the pipe bombs didn’t work. ‪#‎Gunsdontkillpeoplepeoplewithgunskillpeople‬ ‪#‎Otherthingskillpeoplebutgunskillthemfaster‬

 

Authorities in San Bernadino used a local golf course as a command post after the latest US mass shooting. But apparently this didn’t register with everyone. This from a police dispatcher 90 minutes after the shooting was report “Can you call the golf course office and ask them for people to stop golfing, there are still people out there golfing rounds.” ‪#‎priorities‬ ‪#‎focus

An ATF spokesman says that the guns used during the San Bernardino shooting were purchased legally in the United States, including two semi-automatic hand guns, and two assault rifles – the rifles apparently could fire ammunition that could pierce bulletproof vests.

But all four legal. Heck, I can’t even get more than one package of Sudafed legally at CVS.

=

Not surprisingly Fox News is referring to the shooters as “the Muslim couple who stormed a county social services office.” Maybe accurate, but how come Fox never referred to say, “the Christian man” who shot up Planned Parenthood, or the “Christian young man” who massacred people in that Charleston church?

Well, okay then, so there was a woman involved in the latest mass shootings. This is not the kind of equality many of us were hoping for.

 

But while we’re on the bus to hell. Who kills themselves, or goes on a risky “mission,” voluntarily with a baby?  Now parent of a teenager, that’s a different story?

Today this almost qualifies as a feel-good story. A South African appeals court overturned a manslaughter verdict and found Oscar Pistorius guilty of murder. ‪#‎betterlatethannever‬

On a lighter note on another sad night in the USA, today is the 23rd anniversary of the sending of the first telephone text message. Teenagers and 20 somethings are marvelling – it wasn’t that long ago we were in the Dark Ages?

=

More on a lighter note: The NBA has revealed the uniforms for the 2016 All-Star game, which are modeled after those worn in the first NBA game back in 1946. Wonder if for accuracy the league got help from the game memories of Tim Duncan?

Redundancies

December 2, 2015

Okay, I  understand why it’s redundant to talk about men in most sports jokes, as they do comprise a high percentage of top level athletes, especially professional athletes.

Alas, it seems even more redundant to talk about “male mass shooters.”


Understand that Zack Greinke is choosing between competing offers from the SF Giants and LA Dodgers. Now, it’s a big decision. But regarding a bidding war that comes down to money -once you have $200 million, even with California tax rates, can’t you buy anything you ever wanted? And feed your family to boot?

A new test by the AP shows that waters around Rio are dangerously polluted, in areas where they will do sailing, canoeing and rowing events. One thing for sure, this Olympics won’t have winning coxswains thrown into the water.

(Putin on the other hand, may have new motivation for Russian coxswains to make sure their crews do not lose.)

 

 

So so tired of asking if someone has heard about latest US mass shooting and hearing the response “which one?” ‪#‎tiredofbeingruledbytheNRA‬

Before the latest shooting, the GOP voted unanimously against bringing a bill to the House floor, the ” Denying Firearms and Explosives to Dangerous Terrorists Act,” which would bar gun sales to those on the government’s no-fly list. Land of the free and the home of the not-so-brave where the NRA is concerned?

 

Fox News not even hinting at color/religion etc of San Bernadino domestic terrorists. So safe to assume they’re probably non-Muslim white men.

 

 

Today’s mass shooting took place at a Southern California center for people with developmental disabilities. Waiting for the NRA to say those patients should all be armed

A miracle has occurred, the 76ers won a game and are now 1-18. Since they play in the NBA’s Eastern Conference that means Philadelphia should be right in the playoff hunt.

 

You know how bad it’s been for the Eagles and 76ers when Philadelphia fans are eagerly looking forward to spring training and the Phillies..

Yahoo is apparently thinking of selling its “core business.” Shocking. Yahoo still has a “core business?”

On a cheerier note, the November ADP report topped expectations, with private employers adding 217,000 jobs, better than 190,000 forecast. Last month’s gains were also revised up by 14,000 to 196,000. ‪#‎IblameObama‬

Just say no

December 1, 2015

Donald Trump now says he won’t show up at CNN’s next debate unless the network donates $5 million to “Wounded Warriors.” Here’s an idea, why don’t Americans collectively chip in $6 million only if he promises to stay home and shut up.

 

Just wonder, what would Trump say if Hillary Clinton demanded that for her to participate in the next debate, CNN would need to donate $5 million to Planned Parenthood

Boston has apparently come to terms with pitcher David Price on a 9 year, $217 million contract. And presumably after watching the 2015 Red Sox, Price figures the contract comes with the added inducement of limited post-season pressure.

 

A prominent African-American pastor in Baltimore is slamming his colleagues who support Donald Trump by referring to them as “prostitutes.” Prompting an immediate demand for an apology – from prostitutes.

Apparently retail sales this holiday season are disappointing so far. Can’t imagine why customers haven’t gotten excited about Black Friday, post- Black Friday, pre-Cyber Monday, Cyber Monday, extended Cyber Monday etc. sales…. ‪#‎whydonttheyjustcallthemthecryingwolfsales‬?

60 years ago today Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus. Can just imagine what today’s GOP presidential candidates would have said about it in real time. ‪#‎blamethemedia‬ ‪#‎blameObama‬.

The Marlins might hire Barry Bonds as a hitting coach. Hate to say it, but had Don Mattingly had Bonds in Los Angeles, maybe the Dodgers’ offseason would have started later.

 

QB Josh McCown was injured late in the Browns Monday night loss with a collarbone injury. Given Johnny Manziel’s antics, I think even atheists might be calling for Tebow.

 

Ted Cruz, asked in Iowa about making contraception available for women. “Last I checked, we don’t have a rubber (sic) shortage in America.”
Am a former resident of Toronto, but is Cruz, 44, on top of just proving he is too stupid to be President, also proving he is too old, or too British/Canadian to be President.

(“rubber” in Canada when I was a kid was slang for condom.”)

And presumably if Cruz actually paid attention to Planned Parenthood instead of just using them as a political football, he might have seen the PP stats that indicate condoms alone are a long way from the most reliable way to prevent pregnancy.

 

LeBron James is saying now that he regrets that he didn’t meet Kobe Bryant in the NBA finals. Well, yeah, who wouldn’t want to have played Kobe’s Lakers lately in the NBA finals. ‪#‎morerings‬

Seat belts on the clown car?

November 30, 2015

The U.S. will begin screening visa waiver passengers if they have had past travel to anywhere known as a “terrorist safe haven.” So to be safe based on recent history, will that include parts of the southern U.S, and really any state with loose gun laws?

Donald Trump, who claimed that a number of African-American pastors were going to endorse him, now says that “Black Lives Matter” pressured them to drop their endorsement. Well, it’s better for the Donald than admitting either a- “I was lying,” or b -“I was smoking something.”

More Trump -on Islam “There’s something nasty coming out of there.”

Another of those ‪#‎somestatementsdontevenneedapunchline‬ . But have at it friends and readers.  (use comments 🙂

Ben Carson has visited the Syrian refugee camps in Jordan and pronounced them “quite nice.” Great, would he like to consider moving there?

Carly Fiorina is claiming the Planned Parenthood shootings are being used to ‘demonize’ the pro-life movement. Uh, oh…..are we approaching round two of “demon sheep” commercials?

900 women are actually running for office this year in Saudi Arabia. Wonder how long it will take authorities to find reasons to arrest 899 of them?

So who figured the Carolina Panthers would be the last undefeated team in the NFL? Now all of you liars put your hands down.

Kobe Bryant says he is retiring after this season. And a lot of Lakers fans are thinking, “why can’t you be like John Boehner and various politicians and step down immediately?

#‎KobeBryant‬ says he’s retiring. Surprising many NBA fans who’ve watched him already stop playing professional basketball.

If we could somehow figure out a way to combine sports gambling with ‪#‎CyberMonday‬ we could seriously explode the internet.

 –

The 3-7 Ravens on Monday Night Football against the 2-8 Browns. So I guess the NFL is complicit in the nationwide plot to have as many Americans spend as much as possible of Cyber Monday online shopping

Amongst their “Cyber Monday” specials Sephora has a boxed collection of 12 different shades of lipstick. So, okay, I’m a girl and I have to wonder, what does one DO with 12 different shades of lipstick?

What’s in a word?

November 29, 2015

Hate speech is dangerous. Not so much the words themselves but because it can incite dangerous people. This is true when the speech is anti-American, anti-religion, anti-gay, anti-police and yes also anti-Planned Parenthood

 

Meanwhile back to important unimportant things,  there are  few things are worth being awake from 200a to 500a in a European hotel room watching a computer for…. Stanford-Notre Dame game just proved to be one of those things.

After the game, which featured only 2-3 punts on each side, have to figure any good HS student who can play great football defense has I think now a best ever chance of getting into Stanford, or Notre Dame.

 

Cardiac and Cardinal both start with CARD. ‪#‎areyoukiddingme‬? ‪#‎NDvsStanford‬

 

 

Hard to believe but this year it’s an easier call to decide which four NFL teams really deserve a shot in the playoffs as opposed to in college football.

Ben Carson is now saying Syrian refugees don’t want to come to the U.S. Makes some sense – if they figure the USA might actually elect Dr. Carson President, it might be scarier than staying in Syria.

This year’s first holiday Darwin?    In a small town near Fresno, California,  a suspected burglar died after he got stuck in the chimney of a home and the homeowner. who didn’t realize he was in there, lit a fire.

Btw, the above item also doubles as your early Christmas Eve safety message.

Groupon was sending emails with several suggestions for “Small Business Saturday.” Right. Honor small businesses by buying their products and services at a discount price through a big company website that takes a good-sized chunk of the payment….  SMH

 

 

So let me get this straight, ‪#‎NFL‬ rules say SOMEONE has to win the ‪#‎NFCEast‬?

 

A few GOP candidates are condemning the shooter. Wonder if anyone will demand that guards at the clinics be armed?

Bear necessities

November 28, 2015

bear.jpg

Who needs guns. The Germans are arming bears.

So where are all the GOP governors and candidates demanding that we be kept safe from U.S. terrorists? ‪#‎Charleston‬ ‪#‎ColoradoSprings‬ ‪#‎howmanymore‬

 

I’m sure I am not the only one that has noticed this. But interesting that any time it’s a white male shooter in the U.S., a certain faction never dubs him a terrorist but instead refers to him as “mentally ill.”

The Golden State ‪#‎Warriors‬ are now 17-0. And they don’t play the ‪#‎Spurs‬ until January….

 

Iowa’s college football team is 12-0 but no one takes them seriously. Shame that can’t be said of Iowa’s caucuses.

Yasiel Puig was involved in a brawl in Miami, and reportedly shoved his sister. And MLB is reportedly looking into the situation under their domestic violence policy. Thinking right about now the Dodgers wouldn’t be too heartbroken if Puig were suspended?

If Jim Harbaugh could have pulled off a win today ‪#‎Michigan‬‘s state pants would have become khakis. ‪#‎OSUvsMich‬

Lakers’ coach Bryan Scott said of potentially benching Kobe Bryant. “That’s not an option whatsoever.” Because L.A.’s goal this year is to be able to draft the new Kobe Byrant?”

 

Apparently more than 18,000 people in Singapore have signed a petition calling for the cancellation of Adam Lambert’s New Year’s Eve concert, saying the openly gay singer does not represent values that align with Singapore, Right. Citizens of the city-state should spend their money on more wholesome things like Singapore’s informal red-light district.

 

Seriously, apparently people are upset because Reese’s Peanut Butter  Christmas Tree doesn’t look enough like a Christmas tree.

reeses

Think these people should be sentenced only to drink from Starbucks’ blank red cups this Christmas season.  And oh yeah, to have to watch Caddyshack at least five times.

Cards Against Humanity came up with perhaps the most honest Black Friday deal. “Give $5, get nothing.” They claim “11,248 people gave us $5, and 1,199 people gave us more than $5 by filling out the form more than once. One enthusiastic fan gave us $100. In the end, we made a windfall profit of $71,145.” And they claim “we kept it all.”
Actually it appears as if they gave a good deal of the money to charity. But hey, think of all the money people saved by spending time giving small amounts to the Cards Against Humanity website, instead of shopping on sites with REAL expensive stuff.
 

The only thing we have to fear?

November 27, 2015


Avoid crowds. Right. When we are too scared to do things we want to do then the bad guys win. F*ck the terrorists.

 

tower

munchen

 

Not sure which American tradition better illustrates our love of violence this Thanksgiving weekend – football or Black Friday shopping.

Thought after NFL week 12: Maybe one reason beyond gambling for the popularity of Fan Duel and Draft Kings, is that with at most half a dozen exceptions, fans in most cities are otherwise stuck with just rooting for REALLY mediocre teams.

Houston beat Navy Friday, 52 to 31, in a statement game that supposedly proved the Cougars belong in a major bowl game. Heck, some might say they even would be respectable against a team from the NFC Least.

Today even Cowboys fans will be chanting ‪#‎DallasSucks‬

 

Cleveland coach Mike Pettine, asked about Johnny Manziel, “When I say I’m sorry to disappoint, I’m not really. But I’m just not going there today.
Making the Browns coach if nothing else, smarter than his erstwhile QB.

 

Retailers were expecting  disappointing Black Friday receipts this year. And not just in Dallas and Green Bay where fans had money on the Cowboys and Packers

 

Panthers CB Josh Norman said he”went Dark Knight’ after the Cowboys” Dez Bryant disrespected him. Not that I didn’t want Carolina to win, but a shame they didn’t get this fired up just over Dallas having convicted domestic abuser Greg Hardy on their team.

At time of writing this post,  an active shooter, who has shot at least three police officers, has been reported at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs. And probably safe to assume the man, and it must be a man, claims he is “pro-life.”

 

 –
Apparently one of the Paris killers asked his sister to give his love to the family cat. Hmm, a new way to combat these terrorists? Forget religious understanding, maybe if Westerners post enough pictures and profess enough love of our cats…!
(hey, Allah, maybe these infidelsaren’t all bad?”)

 

From Bill Littlejohn “Relatives of Frank Gifford say that CTE was found in his brain.Preliminary indications are that 80% was due to football and the other 20% due to working with Howard Cosell

(or maybe Kathie Lee…)

Turkey time

November 26, 2015

 

The travel advisory says to avoid crowds. What fun is that?

 

 

dragon

So tomorrow is Black Friday.  When Americans who spent the day fighting with their relatives can use those newly honed skills to fight with their fellow shoppers over half-priced sweaters.

Police issued a court summons to a Russian man who with his son flew a drone over the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade today, and the man is complaining ‘They thought I was a terrorist.”
Uh, considering the current climate, hope the summons includes a charge for criminal stupidity.

So Johnny Manziel has now been demoted to third string after he not only was seen partying in a video, but lied to his coaches about when the video was shot. Manziel is doing for the reputed intelligence of quarterbacks what Ben Carson is doing for neurosurgeons.

Washington has announced that CB Chris Culliver tore his ACL and will be out for the season, their 6th starter out for the year. Bummer. Makes it increasingly unlikely that the 4-6 Redskins will be the NFC East team that gets blown out in the first round of the playoffs.

 

So in honor of the day and their play today, should we temporarily rename them the Philadelphia Turkeys. ‪#‎Eagles‬ ‪#‎Lions‬

No NBA games on Thanksgiving. The league did, however, give Americans a holiday turkey early with the 76ers game.

There are rumors of Chip Kelly returning to college football. And he’s doing a great job of showing he can coach a CFB playoff level team.

76ers rookie Jahlil Okafor apparently knocked a guy out in a street fight in Boston last night. Of course Okafor should know better. But hey, it might be the only win he can remember this year.

A Portland hospital is apparently the first to offer nitrous oxide,aka laughing gas, as a pain medication during labor. Have to wonder, if they started doing this sooner, how much higher might the local birth rate be?

Happy Thanksgiving , or belated Thanksgiving, to all my readers.  You are the reason I do this and I am very grateful.  Seriously.  Now back to snark.

Sign of the times?

November 25, 2015

katz

At Katz’s delicatessen on the Lower East Side in Manhattan.  And yep. they got it in one sentence.

Kobe Bryant, after last night’s blowout loss to the Warriors. “My shooting will be better. I could’ve scored 80 tonight. It wouldn’t have made a damn difference. We just have bigger problems.” Uh, if Kobe thinks he could have scored 80, add a possible concussion for him to the Lakers list of problems.

 

 

The NCAA has ruled Kansas freshman Cheick Diallo, who arrived in the US in 2012 from Mali, will be eligible to play after a long review of his high school coursework. And at Kentucky they’re going “coursework?”

Some are now questioning whether Johnny Manziel will ever quarterback in the NFL again. Not just because of his off-field antics, but because he forget the Namath rule – you only get to party that hard when you WIN.

Red Lobster says they will increase the size of shrimp in some of their dishes. Shocking. Red Lobster uses real shrimp?

 

The NBA Philadelphia 76ers tonight fell to 0-16. How much longer does the streak have to continue until the 76ers receive at least an invitation to the NIT tournament?

Dancing With the Stars ‪#‎DWTS‬ crowned a new champion last night. So now America is left with the 2016 Presidential Campaign, aka- Dancing with the Truth.

The Minnesota Democratic-Farmer-Labor (DFL) Party proposed a legislative special session on joblessness and poverty in the black community. And a GOP manager tweeted out “MN ‪#‎DFL‬ now propose a ‘special session’ to deal with their self-created ‘‪#‎negroproblem‬.”
The head of the Republican party in the state has apologized. And the tweeter has ended up creating one job, his own. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

 

Winning?

November 24, 2015

So the Golden State Warriors broke the NBA record by starting 16-0, with a game against the Lakers. Of course to be fair the Warriors should have been faced with a more difficult chance -like shooting fish in a barrel.

The Golden State Warrior are now 16-0, setting a new NBA record for the start of the season. Although, really, they beat the LA Lakers. Isn’t that kind of winning the College Football Playoff against an FCS team?

How long until ‪#‎DubNation‬ fans start rooting for the Warriors to lose if only to make sure ‪#‎SteveKerr‬ when healthy gets his job back?

Really?  Carolina  DE  Frank Alexander was suspended for at least a year without pay for violating the NFL’s  “Policy and Program for Substances of Abuse.   Had the Panthers’ player not smoked pot and dealt with stress by hitting his girlfriend, he’d be back by the postseason.
 –
ESPN reports that Marshawn Lynch apparently needs “a couple weeks to see how he does” and “to see if he can recover” from his abdomen injury, Either that or the Seattle Seahawks need to play another game against the 49ers.
Lots of media hype about how if Notre Dame beats Stanford they will get into the college football playoff. Could be a first this weekend, SEC teams rooting for the Cardinal.
Johnny Manziel has apparently lost his starting QB job in Cleveland after photos surfaced of his drinking and partying last weekend. So congratulations to all those who had November 24 in the pool.
Great, ‪#‎WWIII‬ is now trending on Twitter. Don’t suppose we could call on the Belgians again to bail us out with cat pictures.

Donald Trump got called out on his “crime statistic” tweet – “this bothered me, I gotta tell you. You tweeted out that whites killed by blacks — these were statistics you picked up from somewhere — at a rate of 81 %. And that’s totally wrong,” by BILL O’REILLY.

Yeah, another attack on the Donald by the liberal media.

The family of the boy who was arrested for bringing a homemade clock to school in Texas are now suing for $15 million. Yep, they’re 100% American all right – ‪#‎callinginthelawyers‬

Russia and Turkey have changed their FB status to “very complicated.”

Geography and other challenges.

November 23, 2015

Ben Carson now says of his comment that New Jersey Arabs were celebrating 9-11, that he “was thinking of the Middle East, not New Jersey.”
Well, yeah, anyone could make that mistake. ‪#‎notreadyforprimetime‬

New worldwide travel alert from the U.S State Dept. “U.S. citizens should exercise vigilance when in public places or using transportation. Be aware of immediate surroundings and avoid large crowds or crowed (sic) places.”
What about ravened places? ‪#‎Nevermore‬

To be fair, I suppose it does make sense to issue a warning when we know there are dangerous and crazy people seeking power in a country. So who will be the first to issue an alert for the U.S. based on the GOP debates?

The Nationals have caused a Twitter uproar by tweeting “Happy Birthday” to Jonathan Papelbon. Who right about now might be the only person in Washington, D.C. less popular than Congress.

LSU may fire Les Miles after three consecutive losses have the Tigers 7-3, even though it will mean a multi-million dollar boyout. (Miles currently makes $4.4 million a year.) But it’s okay, I am sure they can make up the money with cutbacks in academics. ‪#‎priorities‬

 

Maybe Trent Baalke and Jed York might be interested in hiring Les Miles as a future 49ers coach. After dealing with SEC alums Miles is used to dealing with unrealistic expectations, and after dealing with LSU players, he’s familiar with semi-pro talent.

Reportedly Robinson Cano wants to be traded because he is unhappy in Seattle after signing a $240 million contract in 2014, “I feel so sorry for him” said NOBODY.

A USF professor says that those odd FB requests from random people all over the world might be potential internet hackers or identity thieves. Bummer, there goes my chance to be invited to a Nigerian royal wedding.

Oops.American Airlines accidentally let a planeload of people arriving from Cancun exit JFK Airport without having their passports checked and going through customs. Providing again that sometimes terrorists are no match for good old-fashioned stupidity.

Washington DE Jason Hatcher thinks calls might be going against his team because of their “Redskins” nickname. Really? But, I can understand why Hatcher’s upset – had a few calls gone the other way Sunday Washington might have only lost by 2-3 touchdowns.

Now that the Packers solidly beat the Minnesota Vikings, maybe Green Bay fans will stop blaming Olivia Munn. Now they can just be mad at Aaron Rodgers for having all that talent, money AND an actress girlfriend.

 

Mike Tiroco after ‪#‎MNF‬ about the Patriots “that’s why they’re World Champions.” Uh, “World Champions”? Unlike the NBA, NHL and MLB, the NFL doesn’t even have a team in Canada.

Business as usual

November 22, 2015

Statisticians everywhere would like to thank the Washington Redskins today for so beautifully illustrating for the lay person the concept of “regression to the mean.”

Rob Ryan, on NFL Network, discussing his firing by the Saints: “Everything in New Orleans is being blamed on me, including Katrina,” Who knew it was possible to make brother Rex look like the classy one?

 

In the midst of a year with plenty of controversy over officiating, Roger Goodell says that the NFL is considering mixing and matching crews on a weekly basis to reduce inconsistencies. Well, it’s a shame the league doesn’t make enough money to hire full time officials.

In Madison, Badgers fans were reportedly throwing snowballs at the team’s cheerleaders during their game against Northwestern. Can only imagine what fans were throwing at the refs, after two potential last-minute game-winning Wisconsin TD’s were overturned.

 

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, making a distinction between DFS  (like Draft Kings) and year long fantasy football – “We love people who are going to engage in the game and have fun with it. It’s not about making money. It’s about enjoying the game and enjoying the team, enjoying the players you pick.”
Wow, and Goodell said this with a straight face.

Cal’s Jared Goff is projected as probably the first QB who will be taken in this year’s NFL draft. And as far as getting that top pick – the 49ers, Raiders and Chargers are doing their best to ensure Goff will probably stay in California.

 

Marco Rubio has released his first nationwide campaign ad, in which he says – “What happened in Paris could happen here. There is no middle ground.” Sigh. I guess we can kiss “shining city on the hill” and “kindler gentler nation” goodbye.

Three flights in the US and Canada this week were diverted over suspicious behavior and bomb threats. Waiting to see which airline is the first to turn this heightened security into a new fee.

 

 

Anyone but me still a bit getting used to seeing the Cincinnati Bengals leading their division in anything but arrests?

 

Donald Trump retweeted a graphic showing crime statistics on killings of whites and blacks that was simply flat out wrong, for example, it said 81% of whiles are killed by blacks, when the FBI numbers are 15%, and that blacks killed by whites were 2%, when the numbers are 7%. But really, why should the Donald start caring about facts now?

 

Rush Limbaugh said on “Fox News Sunday” that Ben Carson was “probably not” qualified to be president. “Probably?”

 

On United.com,  United Airlines has a “Thanksgiving Week” travel notice – “Please allow extra time at the airport.” Really? What was their first clue?

T.C. Chong, with a bus-to-hell Thanksgiving week thought,  “Why are there no important shopping days named “Yellow Friday” or “Indian Friday” or “Caucasian Friday”?

 –

On a lighter note, how can you not love the Belgians?   http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/nov/22/national-emergency-belgians-respond-with-cats

Midnight show

November 22, 2015

Stanford is undefeated in these late night games that finish in the wee hours on the east. Time to change the school song to “After midnight?”

Arizona’s Carson Palmer has been fined $11,576 by the NFL for what he said was a pelvic thrust just to entertain friends in the stands. On a brighter note, Palmer’s just been named the honorary QB of Rocky Horror Picture Show. ‪#‎letsdothetimewarpagain‬

Early days, but ‪#‎Stanford‬ may lose out on a playoff berth because of fumbled snaps, and ‪#‎Michigan‬ may lose out because of a fumbled punt. I thought baseball was supposed to be the funny game? ‪#‎Thatsfootball‬

The Michigan Wolverines were 5-7 last year, so far they are 9-2, even with that disastrous game ending punt against MSU. The SF 49ers were 8-8 last year….. ‪#‎MaybeHarbaughcancoachalittlebit‬

Colin ‪#‎Kaepernick‬ apparently will have shoulder surgery and his year will be over. Making him luckier than ‪#‎49ers‬ season ticket holders.

 

Good for the Citadel in beating South Carolina, and for FAU almost to beat Florida. The only bad news for both schools, they may not get many futures next year to be a high-priced SEC cupcake.

I just love watching ‪#‎UrbanMeyer‬ lose. That is all. ‪#‎MSUvsOSU‬

Some Americans are now apparently fearful of going to Europe and will stay home this year. Where about 100 of us will die every day on the nation’s highways.

 

Adele apparently has a good marriage and a healthy 2 year old son. So,anyone who bet she’d do happy songs once she got her life together – pay up.

In New Jersey, a woman leaving a bar drunk spotted a nearby police car, and made a fake 911 call to divert them so she wouldn’t get a DUI. It worked, until she got home and posted about it “lmao.. 2 mins later the cop peals out..silly piggies tricks r for u”
Now that’s snatching a ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬, and an arrest, out of the jaws of victory.

Alaska, in the process of legalizing recreational marijuana, is apparently going to allow to people to use pot at stores that sell it – “Dude, is that Russia over there?”