Archive for December 2011

Really?

December 31, 2011

Mitt Romney compared President Obama to Marie Antoinette as a way to say the President is out of touch with everyday Americans. Really? Mitt Romney saying Obama is out of touch is like Herman Cain saying Bill Clinton is a lousy husband.

Mitt Romney’s son Matt said that his father would release his tax returns as soon as President Obama releases his birth certificate and other records. Guess the kids are as “in touch” as their dad.

Virginia Tech’s place kicker was already suspended for his part in a home invasion. Now his backup has been sent home for missing a 1:00 a.m. curfew. Who do these kids think they are? Cincinnati Bengals?

From the very funny Jim Barach: “Jon Huntsman calls Ron Paul “unelectable”. Which is like Paris Hilton saying that Kim Kardashian can’t act.”

Newt Gingrich now says he would have made it on the Virginia ballot, but “We hired somebody who turned in false signatures. We turned in 11,100 – we needed 10,000 – 1,500 of them were by one guy who frankly committed fraud.”

Okay, fair enough, but if true this is a man who wants the responsibility of hiring a whole Cabinet and White House staff?

Newt Gingrich just said in a tele-town hall that he would consider choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate. Even John McCain is saying “Uh, is this guy getting senile?”

So last night did Baylor football coach Art Briles tell his team “Well boys, if we hold them under 60 points we have a chance to win this thing?”

ESPN’s Skycam camera fell to the field during tonights’s Insight Bowl between Iowa and Oklahoma. Funny, you’d think if one of the things would have crashed it would have been from all that back and forth down the field in the Alamo Bowl.

Russell Brand and Katy Perry are divorcing, only 14 months after they married. I’ve got an idea. All those DOMA people trying to defend the institution. Maybe they should lay off the gays and try to ban celebrity marriages.

Verizon decided to charge customers 2 dollars to pay their bills on line. Even Netflix is thinking “how dumb can you be?”

This just in, Verizon has rescinded their new planned $2 fee to pay online due to “customer feedback.” And as to the executives who came up with the idea? The U.S. unemployment rate has probably increased by at least one.

Or maybe we finally found out who hired the guy whose bright idea was New Coke.

Another thought on Verizon’s little proposed $2 fee fiasco, I guess we know the answer when it was customers asking the question -“Can you hear me now?”

Still dead?

December 29, 2011

It’s December 29, and Generalissmo Francisco Franco and Kim Jong Il are still dead.

Along perhaps, with the Mavericks chances of repeating as NBA champions?

Nascar driver Kasey Kahne tweeted about being offended by seeing a breastfeeding mother. Therefore solidifying his place for most woman as an all-time big boob.

This just in – Valero is taking back their sponsorship of the Alamo Bowl, saying they were under the impression they were sponsoring a college game, not arena football.

At time of posting Baylor and Washington may have combined for more points than UCLA and Stanford – in men’s college basketball.

And a quick note to any reader who might have wondered if I was giving up this week. Not exactly. But have had very little access to internet, and almost no real news. (Yes, I realize this last puts me in the ranks of regular Fox News viewers.)

Human?

December 28, 2011

Ann Romney is said to make her husband look more human. Heck, the only woman who might not make Mitt look more human is Callista Gingrich.

Meanwhile, Romney tried to score points by comparing Newt Gingrich to Lucille Ball.

Well, that ought to take care of all the people who say Mitt is out of touch.

And as my father pointed out, those who really remember Lucy might vote for her.

From Bill Littlejohn, “The SF Giants and Tim Lincecum are said to be far apart on a contract extension. As in about 100 points in team batting average.”

This just in – Tim Tebow tested positive for holy water.

And Generalissmo Francisco Franco and Kim Jong Il are still dead.

Holiday semi-hiatus.

December 27, 2011

Another short vacation post. But what I have learned from Fox News (the only U.S. news channel available:

EVERYTHING is President Obama’s fault.

(except for the good stuff, that’s due to W. and his dad. Ok, got it.)

So who do we blame for the BCS?

Tonight’s offering? Louisville vs. N.C. State in the Belk Bowl. Bringing up the question, what’s a bigger number of people? Those who care about Louisville or N.C. State, or those who know what “Belk” is?

New Lakers coach Mike Brown says Los Angeles will make the playoffs. Okay, nice effort Mike, but welcome to the NBA, where any team who shows ANY signs of life make the playoffs.

Bad holiday sales lead Sears and Kmart to say they will close stores in 2012. Is this a mark of a weak economy, or a strenthening economy where Americans have better taste?

Sinead OConnor is ending her marriage after 18 days. And the singer is shouting out congrats to Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries for sticking it out so long.

And open note to any readers who care, for better or worse, the regular posts are back Friday – Happy New Year’s Eve, Eve, Eve Eve.

Memo from Jesus?

December 26, 2011

Okay this is a REALLY short post due to lousy internet….and maybe it’s a bus to purgatory joke anyway but.

Secret memo from Jesus to Tim Tebow: “Hey, I love you man, but got to go with the guy who really is a Saint.”

And seriously, congratulations to Drew Brees on 5087 yards and breaking Marino’s record. And for being a nice guy too.

Short holiday post.

December 25, 2011

Christmas question – if you are against anyone saying Merry Christmas doesn’t that mean you shouldn’t be allowed to shop at after-Christmas sales?


Memo from Jesus to Tim Tebow. Sorry dude, got caught up in pre-birthday celebrations.

Sarah Palin complained that the Obama’s Christmas card just featured their dog Bo. In a bi-partisan spirit some Americans claimed that getting his daughters their dog was the only campaign promise President Obama kept.

A few Christmas gift ideas.

For Rick Perry – a calculator, or if that’s too complicated – an abacus.

For all those Defense of Marriage types – some celebrity marriages worth defending.


For Columbus, Ohio, police, extra handcuffs. Since the Buckeyes new coach, Urban Meyer, had 31 players arrested in his six years at Florida. (And many other incidents that didn’t result in arrests.

Another bipartisan thought –

A trip to see the wizard.

So Romney can get a heart,

Perry and Bachmann can each get a brain.

And President Obama can get some courage.


Thought to anyone celebrating Christmas somewhere warm:

Speedos, they’re a privilege not a right.

(or “Bikinis, they’re a privilege not a right.)

Was I good?

December 24, 2011

Well, I was cute. Now when can I expect some dinner.

President Obama has made it to Hawaii. Wonder if he remembered to get his Christmas wish into Santa first – more GOP debates.

A late shopping surge appears to be making this Christmas season a particularly good one for retailers. And that’s even without Kobe Bryant needing anymore to buy Vanessa jewelry.

Oops again, now it’s Newt Gingrich who failed to collect enough signatures (10,000) to appear on the Virginia primary ballot. And for the record, the Gingrich’s live in McLean (VA.)

Newt Gingrich was actually leading Mitt Romney in the Virginia polls before it was announced that he didn’t have the required signatures to get on the ballot. The Gingrich campaign said Virginia has a “failed system.” A “failed system?” Uh, you think you can fix perhaps the most complicated economy in the world, and you can’t count to 10,000?

Michele Bachmann was confronted by the gay robot “RoboProfessor” (yes, really, the robot exists) in Iowa Thursday. Bachmann took it in pretty good humor. But then, Michele’s already learned how to deal with straight robots. How many debates has she done that include Mitt Romney?

Down in Venezuela, former SF Giants and current Texas Rangers catcher Yorvit Torrealba struck a home plate umpire in the face during a game. Giants fans are shocked, they, alas, can’t remember Torrealba ever hitting anyone.


An Ohio man bought a unopened fruitcake from 1941 in an online auction for $525. The fruitcake may have had sentimental value, however, as it may have been the exact one he gave his aunt then for Christmas.


In college men’s basketball, #15 Pittsburgh lost to Wagner (who?) 59-54. Normally the Pitt Panthers don’t get embarrassed like this until the second or third round of the NCAA tournament.

Pat Robertson claimed that SNL’s Tim Tebow skit – IMHO maybe the funniest thing they’ve done this year – was “anti-Christian bigotry” and “disgusting.” Except that Tebow, who seems to have a sense of humor, hasn’t complained. And who can say God doesn’t have a sense of humor – for example, armadillos.

On the second or third night of Hannukkah, and two days after the Winter Solstice, and on Christmas Eve, this all-purpose wish – “Happy Whatever it is You Celebrate!”

One one thousand, two one thousand….

December 23, 2011

You cannot make this “stuff” up – Christmas Eve Eve edition: Rick Perry apparently won’t appear on Virginia’s primary GOP ballot after he submitted petition without enough signatures. Maybe the Texas governor should have paid a little more attention in math class?

Monta Ellis is denying comment on sexual harassment charges, and the Warriors are claiming that he and the woman he texted pictures of his junk to were in a “consentual relationship.” But the lesson here guys – love and lust may fade but cellphone records are forever.

Matt Barkley has endeared himself forever to Trojan fans by returning for his senior year. Especially since after the Reggie Bush fiasco, staying at USC vs. the NFL actually means a pay cut.

The release of Nike’s new retro Air Jordan basketball shoes caused near riots at many stores today. Many men responded to this with “Wow, Nike is bringing them back?” And women responded, “Riots? WTF, the things don’t even have heels.”

Said my comedy writer friend Alex Kaseberg: “First time in history the words shoe sale men and riot have ever been combined.”

Michele Bachmann was confronted by the gay robot “RoboProfessor” (yes, really, the robot exists) in Iowa Thursday. Bachmann took it in pretty good humor. But then, she’s already learned how to deal with straight robots. How many debates has she done including Mitt Romney?

Mitt Romney promised a college student on Thursday that a vote for him meant a job after graduation. But Mitt didn’t say whether it might be at Subway or McDonald’s.

Donald Trump just switched his party affiliation from Republican to unaffiliated. This could end up meaning a possible 3rd party run. But for starters it means that none of the GOP candidates have done a good enough job of kissing his… “ring.”

For NBA fans, the meaningless preseason games are over. And on Christmas morning the meaningless regular season games start.

Hell has frozen over moment? USA Today projects the winner of the NBA’s Western Conference Pacific Division as the Clippers.

Truth in advertising?

December 22, 2011

Ad for a Florida chain – “Dick’s Sporting Goods” “Every season begins with Dicks.” You can say that again.

(From Tammy Serna again, “One could argue Christmas started without one.”)

Matt Barkley called a news conference today to announce whether or not he is staying in school or entering the draft? A news conference? Really? Of course this being USC I suppose we should be glad they aren’t doing a one-hour special.

And it turns out Barkley is returning for his senior season. Good news for Trojan fans. With Lane Kiffin as coach, this could be the school’s one and only year off probation.

Another Barkley, Charles quoted on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno” about the GOP debates. “As a democrat who loves the president I am positively giddy.

TMZ reports that NBC correspondent Jay Gray, who was reporting on the abuse scandal, was arrested last week on DUI charges after attending a party at Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer’s house. Is there something in the water in State College that turns grown up men associated with sports into idiotic a**holes?

Looks like President Obama won this round of chicken over the payroll tax with John Boehner. Pleasing many Democrats who were just hoping for Christmas that the President would get his cajones back.

Stephen Colbert says he will pay $500,000 to help fund South Carolina’s first-in-the-South GOP presidential primary. Heck for that amount of money, his name recognition and the “Anyone but Romney” mentality, Colbert could WIN the S.C GOP primary.

Yale coach Tom Willams has resigned after it was learned that he falsified his resume about being a Rhodes scholarship final and playing on the practice squad with the SF 49ers. On a brighter note, Williams was offered a job at UCF with George O’Leary.

Mitt Romney, answering Newt Gingrich’s complaints about negative advertising. “But you know, this is politics, and if you can’t stand the heat in this little kitchen, wait until the Obama’s Hell’s Kitchen turns up the heat.” Actually, not a bad idea, since Congress isn’t working together, wonder if the President can put in a call to Gordon Ramsey?

Jerry Greene at ESPN.com’s latest top ten list. Top ten signs your sport marriage is in trouble. Honored to have one in there plus the closing line. http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/story/_/id/7379083/readers-provide-top-10-tips-high-profile-marriage-trouble

Bowling for dollars?

December 22, 2011

An Arizona prosecutor decided not to prosecute any of the 31 politicians and 3 lobbyists for accepting free game tickets and/or trips from the Fiesta Bowl. (He blames this on “complex and contradictory” laws.) Proving once again, the only people who get punished for bad college football behavior are future players.

Yale football coach Tom Williams resigned after the school investigated whether he lied on his resume about being a Rhodes Scholarship finalist at Stanford. The coach now admits he never applied for the scholarship. A matter of honor, or a matter that in Willams’ tenure, the Bulldogs were 16-14, but 0-3 against Harvard?

TCU, who just missed a BCS bid, plays Wednesday against Louisiana Tech in the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, at “Snapdragon by Qualcomm Stadium”. (Really.) The full title may take longer to say than the most people cared about the game.

Ah technology. Golden State Warriors guard Monta Ellis is the latest to be accused of sending a woman unwanted sexts including a photo of his genitalia. Reminds me of something my friend Alex Kaseberg said, paraphrased it’s “Doesn’t matter if you’re an athlete, a politician or a rock star, NO WOMAN wants to see a picture of your junk.”

It is enough to make many famous men long for the old pre-cellphone days, when at least cheating could be done with plausible deniability.

-,

White Castle is doing a one-restaurant experiment in Lafayette, Indiana of serving beer and wine with their burgers. The chain may have the sequence backwards, it’s usually only AFTER drinking that White Castle sounds good.

“Restore Our Future” is an independent PAC supporting Mitt Romney by running negative ads against Newt Gingrich. “Restore Our Future?” Many in Massachusetts wish they could just restore the old Mitt Romney.

Sarah (remember me?) Palin is criticizing the White House Christmas card.. Instead of highlighting “family, faith and freedom, it just shows the Obama’s dog, Bo, in a room decorated for Christmas, with the message “From our family to yours, may your holidays shine with the light of the season.” Maybe Obama chose to feature Bo because he has the family’s highest approval ratings?

An Iowa voter reportedly referred to Newt Gingrich as a “f-cking a–hole.” No word on whether it was one of his ex-wives.

Aaron Rodgers won the AP 2011 Male Athlete of the Year. Presumably vote taken before last week’s Chiefs game. Packers fans are hoping it’s not a SI Cover type jinx.

Must be hard than we thought to make ends meet as a retired NFL Superstar. Here’s what Joe Montana is up to Jan 12. (thru Living Social) “Joe Montana Fan Experience, 1.5 hours, Two Drinks, Two Raffle Tickets, and Food ($119); with Signed Photo of Joe Montana ($199); or with Signed Photo and 30-Minute VIP Meet and Greet and Photo with Joe Montana ($399)

Washington, D.C., Christmas verse – Twas almost the night before the payroll tax break expired, and all through the House, not a creature was stirring, not even a Louse.

From Marc Ragovin: Gary Johnson switichng from the GOP to the Libertarian primary will have as much impact as the Astros switching from the NL to the AL

Liars and jokers and clowns, oh my….

December 21, 2011

Mitt Romney is slowly picking up endorsements from GOP leaders, presumably who are all singing under their breath – “Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you.”

Actor Tom Cruise told People magazine today that “Every day I fall more in love,” with wife Katie Holmes. Who says platonic marriages don’t work?

Former American Idol runner-up David Archuleta has announced he is taking a break from his singing career to go on a two-year Mormon mission. This news surprised many music fans, who didn’t realize Archuleta still had a singing career.

Just how stupid do they think Americans are getting? Got a nice gift of two bottles of wine in a box this Christmas. The description tag says “No refrigeration required.”

As part of the Ohio State sanctions, former coach Jim Tressel, was hit with a five-year “show-cause” order (meaning a school will need to “show cause” why they hire him and face sanctions if they do.) You know what that means, look for Tressel to follow Pete Carroll to the NFL.

The NCAA sanctions for Ohio State apparently include a bowl ban for 2012. Actually a more appropriate punishmanent might have been – allow the team to play but ban them from receiving ANY memorabilia.

Congratulations to the Stanford women’s basketball team, who knocked off Tennessee tonight 97-80. But kudos also to Tennessee coach Pat Summitt, 59, who is still coaching after a diagnosis of early onset dementia, and is putting a brave and public face on a very nasty disease.

The U.S. House decided to leave for their holiday break, without even voting on the payroll tax cut extension. Hmm, with most Americans if we don’t do our jobs before vacation, we don’t get paid, or we get fired when we come back.

John Boehner apparently asked President Obama to order the Senate to appoint negotiators to work out a compromise with the House on a payroll tax-cut extension. Is this a budget battle or a NFL/NBA type lockout?

Bipartisan rant: Not that it will ever happen, but while we’re in the season of wish lists, could we outlaw this stupid procedure of putting stuff in Congressional bills that have nothing to do with the bill itself? (Not talking about ways to pay for the bill, but stuff like pipelines, various pork, etc. And yes, both parties have been guilty of this.)

These clowns are making the NBA players and owners look mature.

A twisted thought from T.C. regarding Big Ben’s sore foot – “Rex Ryan volunteered to take a look at it.”

Gary Johnson announced he is dropping out of the GOP Presidential primary, and will run instead for the Libertarian nomination. The number one response of most Americans – “Who the heck is Gary Johnson?”

When the lights go down in the city.

December 20, 2011

The Monday Night Football game between the 49ers and Steelers was delayed tonight due to a blown transformer. Biggest power outage involving San Francisco sports since the Giants were batting.

In fact, a second power outage of the night stopped the already delayed game for about 20 minutes at Candlestick. The only people smiling are those behind the efforts to move the team to a new stadium in Santa Clara.

Said my friend Tammy Serna from the game – ” Now we know how Raider fans feel (blacked out).”

Nice win for the 49ers tonight. But to be honest, Big Ben didn’t look to be in good enough shape even to score on a co-ed.

All kinds of potential songs to set the video of the 49ers-Steelers game to -“Lights”, “Back in Black,” “You don’t see me….”


They have smart guys at Stanford. Great answer from former Cardinal and current 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh when asked what it was like in the San Francisco locker room when the lights went out. “It was dark.”

House Republicans are heading towards a pre-Christmas showdown about the payroll tax with President Obama. But in a chicken game about getting home for the holidays, Obama may well win — he doesn’t need to get a reservation on a commercial plane.

A Marist poll of over 1,000 Americans found the most annoying word of 2011 is “Whatever.” Said most Americans under 30 – “Whatever.”

The South Korea military is on full alert after the death of Kim John Il. Maybe, considering how well North Korea does everything else, they are a little worried about any potential funeral fireworks show.

A Northern California man who has fathered 14 children as a free sperm donor has been told to cease and desist. The FDA has he could face a $100,000 fine or prison time because he’s giving away his sperm without the proper blood tests. Uh, someone better rein in this government agency before it decimates the NBA.

Another example of why procrastination can be a good thing. Think of all those people who sent in their 2012 Death Lotto’s with Kim Jong Il high on the list.

From Paul Seaburn: Somewhere in hell, Osama bin Laden looked up, saw Kim Jong Il arrive and said, “Are you my virgin?”


Up in Canada, the Quebec government is upset because the Montreal Canadiens hired an interim coach who can’t speak French. Big deal, down in the U.S. we’ve elected a President who can’t speak English.

(and a Governor of California)

A Marist poll of over 1,000 Americans found the most annoying word of 2011 is “Whatever.” Said most Americans under 30 – “Whatever.”

Newt Gingrich’s stay at the top of the Republican polls may be over. I don’t agree with Michelle Bachmann on much, but her “flavor of the month” line about the GOP primary appears to be right on. (Except when someone is only the flavor of the week.)

Surging in the polls, Jon Huntsman is up to TWO percent in the last CNN GOP primary poll. This puts him only seven percent behind “undecided.”

Penn State Quarterback Matt McGloin is taking full responsibility for his locker room fight with Curtis Drake. Amazing. Someone at Penn State is taking responsibility for something?


Meanwhile, as Jerry Sandusky keeps talking about “horsing around,” the equine community has filed a grievance -they want their word back.

The Jets-Giants rivalry game is six days away, and Rex Ryan has already started on the “we’re better” talk. And if this matchup doesn’t decide anything presumably players from both teams can have a “Words With Friends” game during the Super Bowl.

Kim Jong Very Ill. (Dead actually.)

December 19, 2011

Kim Jong Il died at the age of 69. “What a shame” said absolutely no one outside North Korea.

Not a great year for evil dictators. Shame the North Korean press release just said it was due to “overwork” and not “overwork fighting against the evil United States.” Though it might be a bit much even so for President Obama to take credit for this one.

The New York Times said tonight about Kim Jong Il – “He fostered perhaps the last personality cult in the Communist world.” “Who am I, chopped liver?” responded Fidel Castro.

Added Mark Brickman, “He was outlasted by his playful mother, Ma Jong.”

Okay, okay, we get it, Tim Tebow is not a good NFL quarterback. Although today neither were Aaron Rodgers and Eli Manning.

Apparently God looked at that Patriots-Broncos matchup, and said “Over my pay grade, I’m just going to help Tim Tebow by helping Matthew Stafford and the Lions.”

My friend Daniel Silveira commented, “God had a prior commitment in North Korea. After taking care of Kim Jong , Jesus pointed to the sky and said, -“thank you Tebow.

The Indianapolis Colts won their first game today, and after the game announced that Peyton Manning won’t play in 2011. Makes sense, the Colts are just one win away from having to flip a coin with the Vikings or Rams to get Andrew Luck.

Thinking some of those 1972 Miami Dolphins are getting too old to be able to pop their own champagne corks.

Mitt Romney is trying to show his softer side. So he went on Fox News Sunday to and talked about his wife and his personal history. Wonder if this week he’ll try to fill stockings for all those underprivileged corporations at Christmas?

The Redskins beat the Giants 24-10, and it wasn’t that close. Even Nancy Pelosi looked surprised. Oh, right, she always looks surprised…but this time she really was.

How bad a day did the Giants and Eli Manning have against the Redskins today? New York fans started to count down the days until Mets spring training.

Bob Dole endorsed Mitt Romney, thereby surprising many Americans. “Bob Dole is still alive?”

Nice win by Carolina over Houston today, but Jeremy Shockey claimed he was motivated because the Texans “weren’t showing respect to America during the National Anthem.,There were about 10 players who didn’t put their arms across their chest. This is America.” Uh, okay, but I grew up learning you put your hand on your chest for the Pledge of Allegiance. You sing (and take hats off) for the Anthem.

Kobe locked out?

December 18, 2011

In Vanessa Bryant’s statement that she and Kobe are divorcing, she asks for “privacy during this difficult time.” Not that I wish the woman any harm, but if she wanted privacy, she should have married someone other than Kobe Bryant.

Wonder what happened between the Bryants? Did the lockout dent Kobe’s jewelry budget?


There are rumors that the Lakers’ star’s infidelities just got to be too much. Who’d a thunk Kobe would get in trouble for too many passes.

The Des Moines Register, a paper that endorsed John McCain in 2008, has given a reserved endorsement this year to Mitt Romney. The musical background to this endorsement, presumably, “Making the Best of a Bad Situation,” or “Love the One You’re With.”

(or as my friend Melodi says “Clowns on the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, “Stuck in the Middle with You!”)

Mitt Romney said of Congress that “It’s hard to expect a bunch of kitty cats to all come together and march in lock step. The only way to herd cats is to have a leader.” Cats following ANY leader? Sounds like the man who drove on vacation with the family dog strapped to the roof of his car knows as much about felines as he does about canines.

Newt Gingrich acknowledged in Iowa that his GOP rivals’ attacks have taken a toll on his campaign. Newt says he hasn’t heard vitriol like this since he divorced his last two wives.

The Gildan New Mexico Bowl between Temple and Wyoming Saturday was the first of 35 bowls this year. If you watch all of them, heck, if you can NAME all of them, you might need a life”

.

The Rose Bowl promotes itself as the “Grandaddy of all Bowls.” If true, does that make the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl and Advocare 100 Independence Bowl two of the “Weird Cousins of all Bowls?

Anyone know who won Saturday’s bowl games? Me neither.


From T.C. One of these things is not like the other…..

The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, The Beef O’Brady Bowl, Little Caesars Pizza Bowl, Chick Fil-A Bowl, The Outback Bowl, Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, The Fight Hunger Bowl.

Apparently the Playboy issue featuring Lindsay Lohan isn’t selling very well. Makes sense, most Americans, men included, think they’ve seen too much of Lindsay already.

Some say it will be difficult to convict Penn State officials of anything, since perjury is so hard to prove. Well, if the government can spend millions to convict an athlete for misleading statements about how he played a game, they can sure get these b*stards.

Penn State Police have reported they were called to investigate a locker room fight between quarterback Matt McGloin and receiver Curtis Drake. Shocking! Penn State Police know where the locker room is?

Reunions and separations.

December 17, 2011

Brian Wilson is reuniting with the Beach Boys for a 50th anniversary tour. No doubt a featured hit will be “Help Me Rhonda, I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up.”

(Or “Fun, Fun, Fun until my kids and the DMV take my T-bird away.”)

Upon reflection on Vanessa Bryant’s filing for divorce,, two questions emerge. 1. Did Kobe get room service anywhere lately? 2. Did Vanessa just find out about Callista Gingrich’s $500,000 line of credit at Tiffany’s?

Kobe and Vanessa are apparently sharing custody of their children. Wonder who gets custody of the jewelry.

Barry Bonds has been sentenced to 30 days house arrest, and 2 years probation. Well, makes sense, if they throw everyone who hasn’t been truthful about PEDs behind bars we’d need to build a lot more prisons.

Hamleys, London’s most famous toy store, has this Christmas eliminated its pink “girls” and blue “boys” floors, and has said they will no longer group toys by gender. Why do I think that if they were in the U.S. at least one GOP presidential candidate would accuse them of violating the Constitution.

Just wondering, did former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney bet anyone $10,000 on the Patriots-Broncos game?

Ron Paul said on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno that, while he is 76, his “ideas are young.” Well, not as young as Mitt Romney’s, since he’s only had his current ideas for a four or five years max.

And Ron Paul, while he has some odd ideas, is certainly different from most of the other GOP candidates. For starters, his sentences have nouns, subjects, verbs….

The Canadian Transportation Agency has said that Canadian Airlines (Air Canada and WestJet) must either ban cats on flights with allergic passengers, or else provide cat-free buffer zones and effective ventilation. Could they do the same for folks who wear too much perfume, don’t bathe, or spend the flight talking loudly nonstop?

Mitt Romney, who once worked for a health-care consulting company, told an audience today that until he got into government, he didn’t understand the difference between Medicaid and Medicare. Is Mitt trying now to appeal to Rick Perry voters?

Top four ESPN.com headlines Friday were about the Penn State trial, Bonds’ sentencing, the Bears cutting Hurd after his drug dealing arrest, and the NFL upholding Harrison’s suspension. I’ll tell you, even as a pro-choice woman who isn’t very religious, listening to Tebow’s thanking his “Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” is sounding pretty good by comparison.

Britney Spears, 30, is now engaged to be married for the third time. Wonder if that means when she gets tired of singing, Spears is planning a career in national GOP politics.

Newt Gingrich STILL maintains that the $1.6 million he got from Freddie Mac was simply for giving advice as a historian. We could only wish. If that were the going rate, history professors on college campuses would be richer than football coaches.

It must be the holiday season. The House passed an emergency $1 trillion budget bill by a bipartisan 296-121 vote. These days I wouldn’t have thought you could get a 296-121 vote to pass a resolution saying “Merry Christmas.”


Let’s hope Mike McQueary finally told the truth today about that shower incident back in 2002. But one question I’d like to ask Mike – “You saw that, you told people, and yet Sandusky remained around campus and you know nothing happened. Didn’t you ever feel that maybe you should have gone to the police?

Send in the clowns.

December 16, 2011

Newt Gingrich believes people can choose to be straight, just like they can “choose to be celibate.” And somewhere Newt’s gay sister is thinking “Too bad you can’t choose your relatives.”

Newt Gingrich is referring now to Palestinians as an “invented people.” (Even though pictures have re-surfaced of Newt in 1993 embracing Yasser Arafat.) Well, at this point many people on both sides of the aisle consider Newt an “invented candidate.”

Ndamukong Suh walked out of a radio interview with the Detroit Lions’ station this week. Well, silver lining for the hosts, at least he didn’t stomp out.

Barbara Walters’ “Most Fascinating Person of 2011” turned out to be Steve Jobs, who died earlier this year. Although had Steve stlll been alive, sharing the stage and the list with the Kardashians might have killed him.


Newt Gingrich keeps talking how if he gets the GOP nomination, he will beat challenge President Obama by challenging him to seven three-hour debates. Really? In seven three-hour debates, Gingrich will undoubtedly change at least a position or two. If not a wife.

Rick Perry at tonight’s GOP debate compared himself to Tim Tebow. And a voice from the heavens boomed down – “Governor, I know Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow is a friend of Mine, and Governor, you’re no Tim Tebow.”


Chris Paul at a news conference today – “I’m excited to be here in L.A. with this unbelievable franchise with so much history behind it.” So does Paul think that given the Clippers’ history there is nowhere to go but up? Or does he think he was traded to the Lakers.

Chicago Bears WR Sam Hurd was arrested Wednesday night and apparently will be charged with serious drug dealing. Guess he found it tough feeding his family on only $685 thousand a year.

Another you cannot make this “stuff” up quote from Christine O’Donnell as to why she endorsed Mitt Romney: “because he’s been consistent since he changed his mind.” (And John Kerry said, why didn’t I think of that?)

Rick Perry on fidelity “I didn’t make a vow just to my wife. I also made a vow to God. I’m afraid of my wife. I’m not afraid of my wife as much as I’m afraid of God.” Just the kind of romantic declaration every woman wants to hear.

If you thought Jerry Sandusky’s 1st lawyer was bad, how the newest member of the defense team Karl Rominger? Who said in his client’s defense “Teaching a person to shower at the age of 12 or 14 would sound strange to some people, but actually people who work with troubled youth would tell you that there are a lot of (them) who have to be taught basic life skills, like how to put soap on your body.” Blech. Again, makes me want to take a shower, or rather bath.

Holiday note to parents whose children like to kick the seats on planes. Put you or your spouse (or a sibling) in the seat in front of them. Peace on Earth. Or at least in the Air.

Geaux Clippers?

December 15, 2011

Now that New Orleans star Chris Paul is heading to Los Angeles, will the team’s motto be “Geaux Clippers”?

So Chris Paul is now a Clipper. Well, he’ll probably get about as many passes from Kobe Bryant as he would if he had joined the Lakers.

As a Wilt, Kareem, and Magic fan, but NOT a Kobe fan, will be nice to have a Los Angeles team I can root for again. Griffin and Paul MIGHT even be worth watching an NBA regular season game for….


CNN’s Jack Cafferty is musing “Is Mitt Romney the Hillary Clinton of 2012?” Heck, Mitt Romney isn’t even the Mitt Romney of 2008.

As reported by the U.K. Daily Mail, South Carolina man has been charged with stabbing his wife to death while they shopped in a local Walmart last weekend. But it being two weeks before Christmas, Walmart management just roped off the area with crime scene tape for police and continued open for business as usual.

Mitt Romney said when running for Senate in Massachusetts that he would be a “better for gay rights than Ted Kennedy.” Newt Gingrich once made an ad for Al Gore’s climate advocacy group with Nancy Pelosi. As flexible as these two are on positions, if either of them get the GOP nomination will they run to the right or left of President Obama?

Time’s “Person of the Year” is “The Protester.” Thereby seriously disappointing Mitt Romney who thought it should have been “The Corporation.”


The Detroit Lions are playing the Oakland Raiders this weekend. Which means two “over-unders” in Vegas. One on the score, and one on the fines Monday.

Rick Santorum told CNN that he’s the “sober” candidate. Really? The thought of him as President would drive millions of Americans to drink.

The FAA has approved iPads for use in cockpits. This means the pilots can use digital documents that replace 35 pounds of paper and books. Not to mention play “Words with Friends” and download cocktail recipes.

(My friend John wonders, will they need to turn them off for takeoffs and landings?)

Open Table, the reservation reservation system, has come up with their list of 100 Top Restaurants in the U.S. Including the Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse in Jacksonville, Florida. With all due respect, most people think the Ruth’s Chris isn’t even the top restaurant in Jacksonville.

“Today” anchor Ann Curry questioned Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer Joe Amendola’s competence in asking why he waived a preliminary hearing. Amendola replied that a hearing would have only provided the media with “a feeding frenzy” and “we had very little to gain.” With that reasoning, why the heck did he allow Sandusky to do the Bob Costas interview?

Sad that Lowe’s has pulled ads for “All American Muslim,” which seems the most innocuous, even boring reality show. I’d cheerfully boycott them, except I’ve never set foot inside on of their stores.


Some in the GOP would try to refer to President Barack Obama as an “All American Muslim,” except that then they would have to admit that he is American.

Which witch?

December 14, 2011

Christine O’Donnell announced tonight she is backing Mitt Romney. Well, while Mitt is trying to appease Christians who have a problem with his Mormonism,a the endorsement of a former Senate candidate who “dabbled” in witchcraft should be just what he needs….

Donald Trump just backed out of the Newsmax GOP debate – which had only two candidates remaining. And the Donald made it clear he doesn’t feel there is a conflict of interest between running for President and moderating a debate. Hmm, wonder how he would feel about President Obama moderating the next one?

Doesn’t seem like much hope for the Hornets to hang onto their star Chris Paul. Maybe if they rename the team “The Los Angeles Hornets of New Orleans?”

In an interview with a Christian radio station, Deirdre Pujols defended her husband’s decision to leave St. Louis, saying of course that it wasn’t about money, and closing with “It’s just like God to put us on a team called the Angels.” Even Tim Tebow said, “Isn’t that just a bit much?”

In the San Francisco area, nine Chuck E. Cheese pizza parlors have been fined for violating federal child-labor laws, apparently because they had teenagers operating trash compactors. Not as one might think, for torturing the teenagers by having them listen to that music and screaming little kids for over eight hours at a time.


Of course, if O’Donnell really wanted to help Romney, maybe she could turn some of his opponents into toads. (Yes, I am aware in some cases this might be considered redundant.)

An Italian woman, 94, left $13 million to her 4-year-old cat, Tomasso, who she had adopted as a stray kitten. Well, actually sounds like it must have been a more fulfilling relationship than either of Kim Kardashian’s marriages.

Rick Santorum says he is doesn’t think he qualifies as a celebrity – “I travel by myself….I’m sitting middle seats on United Airways flights or Delta flights…” And this man thinks as President he could find good people to help him run the country? He can’t even find a good travel agent.

I love British newspapers: Today’s Daily Mail (U.K.), headline – pulling no punches on a certain U.S. candidate – “Thrice-married and known adulterer Newt Gingrich signs fidelity pledge to sure up votes in Iowa.”

You cannot make this “stuff” up item for the day. Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer, Joseph Amendola said that anyone who believes his client is a child molester should call “1-800-REALITY.” Uh, fine, except this is the response you get “Hi guys, welcome to the hottest place for triple-x action … gay, bi, and bi-curious studs… Just 99 cents per minute.”

Due to leaked photos, Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy issue is going to be out early. Just like Lindsay with her jail sentences.


From Bill Littlejohn: Lindsay Lohan looks to rival Marilyn Monroe on the cover of Playboy—if Marilyn were alive, they’d both look 86 years old”

A Vietnam vet in N.H. asked the candidate about his position on same-sex marriage. Mitt replied “At the time the Constitution was written it was pretty clear that marriage is between a man and a woman, and I don’t believe the (N.H) Supreme Court has changed that.” Well, actually at the time the Constitution was written, Americans were allowed to own slaves.

“I” of the Newt.

December 13, 2011

You cannot make this “st*ff” up dept. Newt Gingrich is now pledging future marital fidelity and as a potential President. So somehow he believes the Oath of Office is somehow a higher bar than “forsaking all others?”

Follow up to Gingrich’s pledge of future marital fidelity. Assume that’s as long as he’s campaigning and if he wins. So if he loses, guess Callista had better watch the interns.

Actually for all this talk about fidelity and who’s the most religious etc, my strong sense is that if it weren’t for the 22nd amendment Bill Clinton could win another term.


Wonder how long until flight attendant departure messages start saying “Please take your seat, turn off your cellphone and stop playing “Words with Friends.”

Not excusing Baldwin’s behavior but as far as an actual danger to the flight…? Should we start being worried if Zynga starts showing statistics indicating a high number of people on Homeland Security’s watch list start trying to learn how to play “Words with Friends?”

In a dig at millionaire Mitt Romney’s offer to bet Rick Perry $10,000, millionaire Newt Gingrich offered to bet Romney $10. (that he wouldn’t give back money he made laying off people at Bain.) Of course, there’s a reason Gingrich wouldn’t bet $10,000 – it’s called “Callista’s Tiffany account.”

Conservative radio host Michael Savage has offered Newt Gingrich $1 million to drop out of the Republican primary race. Ever the smart businessman, Mitt Romney has asked about a similar offer – Mitt figures he can always change his mind a month later.


Former SF Giant Aaron Rowand signed a minor-league contract with the Marlins. Makes sense, for the past few years Rowand’s been a minor league hitter.

The Miami Dolphins at 4-9 fired their coach. The Kansas City Chiefs at 5-8 fired their coach. Guess this is ownership’s way of saying, “You sucked, but not enough to get us Andrew Luck.

By winning tonight, the Seattle Seahawks kept their playoff hopes alive. Anyone but me just a bit disgusted that Pete Carroll and Reggie Bush have absolutely no restrictions on their postseasons, while kids at USC who had nothing to do with their misdeeds are forced to stay home?

Newt Gingrich is proposing a flat tax but where Americans will have the option of using the current system or his new proposal. An independent study said it will add to the deficit but Gingrich said the plan will create jobs. With everyone needing to compute taxes twice? At H and R Block maybe.

Brian Urlacher said last night of Tim Tebow “He’s a good running back.” And what does that say about the Bears then? Getting flat out humiliated in the late fourth quarter by a running back who was calling signals and throwing passes?

While the Bears were dissing Tom Tebow, Tom Brady, QB of the Patriots, who are the Broncos next opponent, had nothing but nice things to say. Translation, Brady is smart enough to understand public relations, or maybe just Catholic enough that he doesn’t want to p*ss God off.

Miracle-schmiracle….

December 12, 2011

What greedy Broncos fans really want now from Tebow is for him to start turning water into beer.

But okay, all these doubters who don’t believe Tebow is, as he says, a virgin. I’m inclined to believe the guy. If for no other reason than that any woman who HAD slept with him would have probably sold the story to the National Enquirer for $1 million plus.

Anyone else think that God is not only backing Tebow, that He/She is just f*ckng with us?

As long as Tebow doesn’t start singing “Climb Every Mountain.”

Actually, the Denver Broncos should be the favored team of those who miss watching NBA games on television. Just as in the NBA, there’s no point in really tuning in until the fourth quarter.

Ryan Braun’s spokesman issued a statement denying any “intentional violation” of Major League Baseball rules. But really, has any star player EVER come right out and said “Yeah, you caught me.” Only the little guys. Waiting to see what “tainted supplement” Braun supposedly took.

Chris Paul may now be headed to the Clippers? Jay Leno’s going to need to rewrite his punchlines.

The NFL MVP is supposedly the player a team absolutely cannot do without. Based on that criteria, shouldn’t the 2011 MVP be Peyton Manning?

Mitt Romney’s campaign is trying to recover from his casual offer to wager $10,000 with Rick Perry in Saturday’s debate. Even Pete Rose is saying he wouldn’t have made that bet.


The University of Cincinnati issued major suspensions to four players involved in last night’s basketball brawl with Xavier. Guess the school doesn’t want the team competing with the Bengals.

A United Airlines 757 en-route from Denver to Los Angeles had to divert to Grand Junction Sunday morning when an engine shut down. Wonder if the airline gave passengers extra frequent flier miles? Or charged them for the extra stop.

Three straight second-place Heismann finishes for Stanford: The Cardinal is becoming the Susan Lucci of college football.

Watched the Minnesota Vikings blow a chance (with the help of a missed call) to beat the Detroit Lions today and fall to 2-11. Had Peyton Manning not been injured, Andrew Luck would probably be reunited with Toby Gerhart next year.

Actually, the Lions should have been called for a face mask at the goal line with a few seconds to go…. But for any Stanford fan with painful memories of Big Game against Cal in 2009, just one question… why didn’t Detroit give it to Toby Gerhart with first and goal from the one?

Now it turns out that Penn State asst coach Mike McQueary, allegedly told a family friend a different story about the shower incident. According to a Harrisburg paper. “he heard ‘sex sounds’ and a running shower before a young boy peered around the corner of the shower’s stall, then saw an adult arm reach around the boy’s waist and pull him out of view.” Beginning to wonder if there is/was an honest person in the whole program.