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Deadlines and more deadlines.

August 1, 2011

The Atlanta Braves lost their 10,000th game as a franchise this weekend. Not to be outdone, the Houston Astros showed at the trade deadline that they aspire to reach that mark this decade.

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Astros GM Ed Wade responded to criticism of the team’s trading away their best players by saying “It’s not a fire sale.” “Fire?” – More like a cremation sale.

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San Francisco Giants manager Bruce Bochy downplayed Miguel Tejada’s comments about returning from the DL as early as this week, saying “He’s still not able to move.”

Responded many regular Giants fans “And this is different from the rest of the season how?”

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From Gary Morton in Seattle: The US Postal Service is going to feature online previews of the stamps in its 2012 collection. That’s great news for insomniacs when the Mariners have a day off.

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Paul McCartney played two concerts this week at Wrigley Field. It’s the latest in the year fans at the stadium can remember seeing so many big hits.

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Watching the debt ceiling process kind of makes me wish Congress also had a trade deadline.

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A United Airlines plane had to divert briefly to Havana, Cuba, when the pilots noticed a burning smell on the plane. You could tell the hardcore frequent fliers on board. While many passengers wondered about being able to buy cigars, they were the ones calculating the extra mileage United owed them.

(The diversion appears to have been about an extra 100 miles)
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New research suggests that fatty foods may not just taste good, they may alter the brain’s response to sadness, thus literally serving as “comfort foods.”

I can see it now – Prescription Happy Meals.

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Not to say that President Obama surrendered on the debt ceiling deal. But he got a congratulatory phone call from France.

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So Plaxico Burress is now a member of the New York Jets. Well, he may not know the team’s playbook, but at least he’s familiar with the state’s penal code.
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Tiger Woods has announced he will play in this year’s Australian Open. Insert “Down under” joke here.

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Campaigning in Iowa, Newt Gingrich said President Obama has been “totally irresponsible.” And who would know totally irresponsible better than a man who left two sick wives for younger women.

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Dark times?

July 31, 2011

Nancy Pelosi said of John Boehner during this debt ceiling crisis – “He’s gone over to the dark side.” Wouldn’t a more descriptive phrase be “gone over to the burnt orange side?”

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Dodgers right-handed pitcher Hiroki Kuroda said Saturday that he will not waive his “no-trade” clause for ANY team because he wants to stay with Los Angeles.

I’ll take “Gluttons for Punishment” for $400, Alex.

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Chad Ochocinco called himself a “chameleon” who can “blend in and do it the Patriot way.” What does that mean, red white and blue pompoms?

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The Los Angeles Times is reporting that the McCourts may end up spending $35 million on their divorce. Well, it took a while, but the Dodgers have finally figured out a worse waste of money than Manny Ramirez.

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Meanwhile, Phillies manager Charlie Manuel downplayed talk of great Giants pitching. saying amongst other things “with Lincecum, I saw a 90 (mph) fastball, 92 at best.” Timmy’s great response was that it was probably “frustration” over losing – but didn’t the Phillies “have a guy named Moyer?”

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There are rumors President Obama and Republicans are close to an agreement on a deal to raise the debt ceiling. Said John Boehner – ” In spite of our differences, we’re dealing with reasonable, responsible people.” Responded some angry Tea Party members “Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

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The worst of times, the best of times: Orioles pitcher Zach Britton threw 43 pitches in 1/3 of an inning today against the Yankees. Giants pitcher Madison Bumgarner threw 41 pitches in his first inning. By comparison, Greg Maddux once threw a complete 9-inning game with 76 pitches.

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Talk about outhouse to castle, or maybe cheap seats to the luxury box. Doug Fister, with a 3.33 ERA and a 3-12 record, was just traded from the Mariners to the Tigers. His new teammate, Max Scherzer, has an 4.28 ERA, and a record of 11-5.

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Not to say today’s Detroit Tigers starter Jacob Turner, who turned 20 on May 21, is young. But when a reporter asked him about shaving corners, he allegedly responded “What’s shaving?”

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Commie pinko time: Listening to some in the GOP, corporations are really just benevolent job creators and so deserve all the tax breaks they can get. Today, after months of gas prices near or over $4 a gallon, Chevron reported record profits for the year of over $13 billion. Does this really need a punchline?

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Milestones

July 8, 2011

Okay, who expected this? San Francisco fans on their feet Thursday night at A T and T Park for Barry Zito. (Without tar and feathers.)

 

Giants fans, it could be worse. Many thought the team should have signed slugger Adam  Dunn.  Dunn is now hitting .163 for the Chicago White Sox.

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Ringo Starr turned 71 Thursday. He’s still a good musician but the lyrics have changed a bit. For example “There are places I used to remember, in my life….”-

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Meanwhile, Hall of Fame baseball manager Dick Williams died Thursday at the age of 82. At least he lived to see that “nice young man” Jack McKeon become manager of the Marlins.

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Apparently in Charlie Sheen’s next TV show he will play an anger management counselor. Really? That seems about as fitting as Casey Anthony being named “Mother of the Year.”

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Kim Kardashian said the Casey Anthony verdict left her “speechless” and is upset because she feels a guilty killer will be walking free. Even Michele Bachmann is thinking “Girl, you have NO sense of history.”

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Casey Anthony will be freed from jail in six days. And guess what guys, she’s single. (My father adds “Plus no need to worry about supporting step-children.”)

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In his first two appearances since taking on a Gatorade cooler in Detroit, the Giants’ Brian Wilson pitched two scoreless innings Wednesday  (including striking out the side in his second inning of work, and pitched a perfect ninth Thursday.

Maybe squaring up a cooler will become part of his warmup exercises.

(T.C. says maybe Wilson should take on batting coach duties too.  For anyone who hasn’t seen the video, it was a pretty good hit.)

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John Boehner says there’s a 50-50 chance of a deal on the debt ceiling this week. And a 100 percent chance he will cry about the result either way.

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New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan, who led the Catholic Church’s fight against gay marriage in the state, says he’s worried that the next step in the marriage debate will be another redefinition to allow multiple partners and infidelity. Yeah, anything to avoid talking about pedophilia.

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Bill Clinton is comparing efforts by Republicans to change voting laws in many states to the old Jim Crow laws and poll taxes which once disenfranchised African American voters. Not true, responded a GOP spokesman; we are trying to disenfranchise all Democrats equally.

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It’s a funny game.

July 2, 2011

But tonight the Mariners aren’t laughing.  Seattle lost 1-0 tonight to the San Diego Padres.  The winning run was scored by Cameron Maybin, who had gotten on base by walking  on a 3-2 count. Not a pitch out of the strike zone after a 3-2 count.  A 3-2 count. The umpire lost track of the count, and the Mariners didn’t notice..

Guess this is karmic payback for the Mariners’ win 2-1 earlier this week on a wild pitch during an intentional walk. 

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Texas Rangers president and CEO Nolan Ryan said he would be in favor of realignment, including any plans that involve moving the Houston Astros into the American League with the Texas Rangers. 

Also in favor of that realignment, American League West teams who would get to play a number of regular season games every year against the Houston Astros.

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Just saw Nolan Ryan’s plaque at Cooperstown.  Turns out Nolan is actually his middle name.  Ryan’s real first name?  Lynn. 

Guess that explains why he was so mean on the mound.

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From Bill Littlejohn:  Charlie Sheen revealed that he took steroids during the filming of ‘Major League’ in 1989.So, do they rename it ‘Major League*’?
 

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For anyone who saw Brian Wilson’s meltdown last night – (picture on yesterday’s blog post)  –  you might be pleased to know the Gatorade cooler survived.  And was back in action tonight, with several Band-Aids thoughtfully provided by one of Wilson’s Giants teammates.

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Burger King has started opening “Whopper Bars” that serve beer as well as food. Makes a fair amount of sense; drink enough beer and you won’t notice how bad the burgers taste.

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Not a  joke – U.S. Rep. Thaddeus McCotter (R-Mich.) announced his candidacy for president of the United States on Saturday in his home state of Michigan. 

Guess McCotter is the perfect candidate for all those who think Jon Huntsman and Herman Cain are over-exposed.

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But really, “Thaddeus?”  Even President Obama is thinking,  “Now, that’s a funny first name.”

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Yes folks, there may be a city more P.C. than San Francisco.  Boulder, Colorado has now decided to ban candy, starting in early 2012, from all vending machines in city facilities.

Instead, the machines will have “healther options” — like granola, Clif Bars and baked chips.  (Although just a side note, a Clif Bar, for example, averages 240-250 calories, about as many as a Kit Kat bar or a package of M & M’s peanut candies.)

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One hit wonders?

June 21, 2011

These days that describes what a lot of major league ballplayers aspire to be on a given day.  (11 Major League Teams are hitting under .250)

 

Nearing the midpoint of the 2011 season, the San Francisco Giants have 46 home runs as a team. Considering that Posey and Freddie Sanchez could be both out for the season, wonder if there’s a chance that the team won’t match Barry Bonds’ 2001 total of 73?

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Buster Posey is out for the year after a collision at home plate. Albert Pujols is out over a month after a collision at first base. And Bud Selig is just trying to think of a rule that would basically translate to “Don’t run into superstars.”

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San Diego Zoo officials are delighted to announce the arrival of a new baby gorilla, the first gorilla born at the Safari Park in nearly 11 years. The only potential worry – some think the baby looks a bit like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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NHL star defenseman Nicklas Lidstrom has announced he will return for a 20th season with the Red Wings. Which is a big relief to Detroit fans, who were worried he would decide to spend more time with his grandchildren.

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Glee’s co-creator Ryan Murphy has indicated that the show’s seniors leave the show after season three because they will actually “graduate.” Makes sense. For the most part they’re playing singers, not football players.

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Ryan Dunn, 34 ,one of the stars of MTV’s “Jackass,” died Monday in a 3 a.m. car crash. Police say speed “may have been a factor,” and a few hours before the crash he posted a twitter picture of himself drinking with friends. Sad, but sounds likely there were few people more likely to end up with a Darwin award.

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Mitt Romney is now being attacked by other GOP candidates for not signing a pledge to make abortion an absolute litmus test for judges. Anyone else getting the idea that if Attilla the Hun was running for the Republican presidential nomination he’d be attacked for being too moderate?

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In honor of Jack McKeon being back managing the Marlins, rumor has it that all hotdogs purchased at the stadium by 6pm will be at “early bird special” prices.

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Bill Schmarzo reminds us, McKeon’s Dominican passport says he’s only  36.

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From Chad Picasner:  McKeon won’t actually officially take over the club until the Marlins complete the handicap ramp from the dugout to the field.

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The riots in Greece continue. I didn’t even know they had hockey finals over there.

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John McCain claimed this weekend that there was “substantial evidence” that some of the Arizona wildfires had been started by illegal immigrants. But there is actually no evidence, as even firefighters state. And where was McCain’s outrage when a man born here in the US took advantage of Arizona’s loose gun laws to shoot all those people in Tucson?

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“I’ll play from either side.”

June 3, 2011

A judge in Seattle ruled today that a gay softball league can indeed limit the number of heterosexual players per team. Three men claimed their team’s 2nd place finish in the Gay Softball World Series was nullified because they are bisexual, not gay, and thus their team exceeded the limit of two non-gay players. Whatever happened to baseball’s great tradition of switch hitters?

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Scott Cousins, who injured Buster Posey in that home plate collision, has been roundly criticized in San Francisco, and has apparently received some death threats. Not sure what Cousins can do to make it to up to Giants fans. Except maybe to go to AAA and run into Barry Zito during a rehab assignment.

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Vancouver Canucks forward Alex Burrows will apparently not be suspended for allegedly deliberately biting Boston Bruins Patrice Bergeron’s left index finger in Game 1 of the Stanley Cup finals. “Hey, a man’s got to eat,” commented Mike Tyson.

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In Independence, Missouri, basically a suburb of Kansas City,  police responding to an alligator sighting in a suburban Kansas City pond took two shots at the creature’s head.  And then upon cautiously approaching realized it was a concrete fake.   

That’s it, these guys are permanently banned from Disney’s “Jungle Cruise.”

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Weiner dog department:  Whatever the truth with Anthony Weiner and his tweet or nontweet, Weiner is violating the cardinal rule of publicly dealing with potentially embarrassing situations. Namely, make a statement, and then STFU about it.

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Steve Spurrier and other coaches came up with a proposal to give 70 players a $300 stipend every game.  The proposal, whereby coaches would chip in to pay the stars, was signed by Spurrier, Alabama’s Nick Saban, Florida’s Will Muschamp, LSU’s Les Miles, Mississippi’s Houston Nutt, Mississippi State’s Dan Mullen and Tennessee’s Derek Dooley.

There are many reasons why the proposal might not be feasible – for starters, for many SEC players $300 a game would be a pay cut.

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I actually have a little sympathy for Mitt Romney, who at least has a substantive background, running for the GOP nomination. Since there is an actual chance he could lose to Sarah Palin. Wouldn’t that be like losing on Jeopardy to Snooki?

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Sarah Palin, channeling Lucy Van Pelt (“If you can’t be right, be wrong at the top of your voice.”, today in Boston about Paul Revere: Saying he had ridden to warn that the British were coming so that “we were going to be secure and free, and we were going to be armed.’’ Uh, Sarah, amongst other things, Paul rode in 1775, the Bill of Rights wasn’t proposed until 1789.

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Amateur status?

June 1, 2011

Well the Buckeyes players may have lost their amateur status.  But the cover-up certainly qualified.

 

So the Dodgers will make their regular payroll on time this month. But it looks like the Ohio State football team won’t……

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Ohio State star Terrelle Pryor has reportedly driven as many as eight cars in his three years in Columbus. Who does Pryor think he is? Jay Leno?

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From Gary Morton, “Look for Tressel to host QVS’s new Saturday Sports show this fall – Lord of the Rings.”

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Wonder how hard it was for SI to make the decision to publish the article that finally brought down Tressel. Took a lot of cajones to take on one of college football’s sacred cows, or maybe I should say “sacred buckeyes.”

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Maybe once OSU ends up on probation, they can talk to USC about playing a charity exhibition game instead of a bowl game this year.  The game could be sponsored by Aladdin Bail Bonds.

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Open note to all sports fans, if you’re praying or wishing, be as specific as possible. Wonder how many SF Giants fans prayed or wished last week that catcher Buster Posey wouldn’t take any more foul tips off his mask this season?

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In Detroit, the Tigers beat the Twins 6-5 Sunday, and the winning run scored on a ball hit down the line where the umpires ruled spectator interference. Well, I guess that answers the question “Whatever happened to Steve Bartman?”

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According to the World Health Organization, cell phone use is in the same “carcinogenic hazard” category as lead, engine exhaust and chloroform. So this doesn’t mean that people will stop being rude while using cellphones, but at least they probably won’t be around as long.

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The Illinois legislature has voted to allow slot machines in Chicago airports. But most frequent travelers would say you’re already gambling every time you plan to connect in O’Hare.

 

Alaska Airlines plans to be the first airline to replace their pilot manuels with iPads. And the trend could catch on. Besides eliminating about 25 pounds of paper per flight, the iPads would be an easy way for pilots to store all their cocktail recipes.

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Rush Limbaugh says he doesn’t really believe  Congressman Anthony Weiner’s story that a hacker was responsible for tweeting a picture of him in his underwear to a young woman. But Rush also said he didn’t think it was a big deal. Scary translation, does this mean Rush has tweeted his own “brief” picture to someone?

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“Where’s the Birth Certificate?”, a book written by Jerome Corsi that still claims President Obama was not born in the U.S, has debuted at #6 on the New York Times bestseller list. Makes a certain amount of sense. One of the most popular book categories in stressful times is “fantasy.”

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Sarah Palin and Donald Trump had nothing but positive words for each other today after they met briefly in Trump’s penthouse in Manhattan. Amazing, both those egos fit into a single room?

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The longest two minutes in sports?

May 23, 2011

For San Jose Sharks fans it was during the second period against the Canucks Sunday.

(For non-hockey fans, the Vancouver Canucks scored three goals in about 1 minute and 55 seconds enroute to a 5-3 win. And yes, that’s rare.)

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Sharks goalie Antti Niemi only had 14 shots on goal, and let 5 of them in.  Maybe the Sharks should have just played the game with an empty net and been on a nonstop power play.

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Meanwhile, over in the NBA… The only people outside South Florida who are rooting for the Heat these days might be in the Bronx. Because if the Heat win they may at least temporarily take the title from the Yankees of the “most hated team in America.”

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The reengineered 3D version of “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequel “On Stranger Tides” took in a record $256.3 million internationally at the box office this weekend. So much for those who say the U.S. only IMPORTS silly action figures.

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Alex Tagliani became the first Canadian to win the pole at the Indianapolis 500. Stand by next Sunday for “Gentlemen, start your engines, eh?”

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And okay, did more people have Butler and VCU in the NCAA men’s basketball final four than the team with the best current record in major league baseball?    As of today that would be  the Cleveland Indians – 29 and 15.

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Meanwhile, the first place San Francisco Giants are doing it with smoke, mirrors, and usually REALLY good pitching.   Even after Sunday’s 5-4 win in extra innings, the team has scored fewer runs  – 160 – than any team in the National League.  (Really, you could look it up.)

Only the Seattle Mariners (159) and Minnesota Twins (147)  have scored fewer runs in all of baseball.  And the Twins are coming to SF for interleague play.  Which could mean the first baseball series decided by penalty kicks.

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Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis says crime will increase if the NFL doesn’t play games this year, because “There’s nothing else to do.” Is he talking about for the fans or the players?”

(and of course it has to be Ray Lewis saying this, as my friend Alex Kaseberg put it “Ray has already crossed ‘stab a guy to death’ off his bucket list”)

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Question of the week from another friend,  Jerry Perisho  “If the US Postal Service cycling team took performance enhancing drugs, why don’t we give it to postal carriers?

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Games of the weak.

May 15, 2011

 Let’s see, who was on the the Fox MLB Game of the Week this Saturday?   And who’s on the ESPN Sunday Night Game of the Week?  Red Sox-Yankees. I am shocked, shocked….

The Giants’ Miguel Tejada, hitting just under .200, and about .150 with runners in scoring position,  had a bat fly out of his hands and land in the stands at Wrigley Field Saturday.  Pretty valuable souvenir.  As the bat was basically unused.

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Pete Rose still wants to get back into baseball. And said “I want to be a manager, that’s the only role.” In fact, he’s so sure he could get a team into the playoffs he’d offer any team who hires him double or nothing.

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Chad Billingsley of the Los Angeles Dodgers threw a one-hitter tonight, and lost. Okay, let’s be honest ,San Francisco Giants fans, the way the bats are going didn’t you think the first one to do that this year would be Madison Bumgarner or Matt Cain?

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The Tampa Bay Lightning beat the Boston Bruins in game one of the NHL Eastern Conference finals. If the Lightning end up in the Stanley Cup finals against the Vancouver Canucks, television stations in the U.S. may wish they were airing something more enticing to the average American viewer, like replays of Major League Soccer.

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Former NHL player and ESPN hockey analyst Matthew Barnaby spent the night in jail and pleaded not guilty Saturday to domestic violence charges stemming from an argument with his estranged wife. Many sports fans were shocked – ESPN has a hockey analyst?

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Great stat from SF Giants beat writer Henry Schulman: The Giants were the first MLB team EVER to sweep a homestand of six games or more without scoring four runs or more in any game.

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A North Carolina man was released from jail after a state lab discovered that an enzyme found in cheese had triggered false drug test results. Look for a whole new crop of professional athletes to appear in “Got Milk?” ads.

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Michael Vick has accepted an invitation from a group of five Philadelphia schools for “at-risk” youth to be their commencement speaker. Assume the Eagles quarterback won’t tell them that it’s a “dog-eat-dog” world out there.

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Newt Gingrich says Obama is a “food-stamp” president. Just wonder, if it were up to Newt with alimony, how many of his former wives would be on food stamps?

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Phillie-bot and other machines:

April 21, 2011

 

A baseball-tossing robot – PhillieBot – was booed by Philly fans after its ceremonial first pitch bounced about 10 feet in front of the plate. Nonetheless, after the game the robot was still offered a chance to try out for the Mets bullpen.

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After the robot was booed, he did get a message from Santa, saying “Don’t take it personally.”

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Just wondering, for a pitching robot, is WD40 a performance enhancing drug?

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T.C. said, had the pitch been a strike, the Bot would have still been on the mound in  the fifth inning.

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The Chicago History Museum recently posted on its website a court deposition from Eddie Cicotte, one of the Black Sox, saying that the Chicago Cubs may have been offered money to throw the 1918 World Series. Cubs fans laugh, saying the team has never needed any incentive to lose in the postseason.

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The commissioner of baseball is on top of problems in his usual timely fashion: Bud Selig has announced that MLB is taking control of the Dodgers. Selig says he acted “because of my deep concerns regarding the finances and operations of the Dodgers.” What was his first clue?

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Starting next week the U.S. government will scrap the color-coded warning system, and switch to a two-tiered system – “Imminent Threat Alert,” triggered by a “credible, specific, and impending terrorist threat,” and ““Elevated Threat Alert,” which just warns of a of a “credible terrorist threat.”

So fans of “Orange” will just have to look for Youtube videos of John Boehner.

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A little comfort for the technologically challenged:  You ever have a computer problem make you feel stupid? It could be worse. The SF Chronicle reported that during a big New Year’s Eve fire at a San Francisco apartment the Division of Emergency Services’ main computer lost its Internet connection, and workers couldn’t get the backup system running because no one knew the password.

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McDonalds plans to hire 50,000 people total. These new employees will have a share goal – to make enough money so they won’t have to eat at McDonalds.

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Zoosk, an online social-dating network, released a survey this month that found 39% of American singles would rather have a root canal than watch the royal wedding next Friday. These singles are called “straight men.”

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President Obama had a town-hall style meeting Wednesday. You could tell he was at Facebook; when asked about the status of the budget negotiations, the President replied “It’s complicated.”

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4 / 20

April 20, 2011

Today is 4/20 which has become a semi official holiday for people to celebrate and consume marijuana. Of course, to do it properly, the holiday should be forgotten and then celebrated at least 24 hours after the fact.

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Meanwhile, on Tuesday night, the Dodgers bullpen gave up EIGHT runs in the top of the ninth inning against the Braves, turning a close 2-1 game into a rout. But thanks to the Kings blowing a four goal lead against the Sharks, the Dodgers weren’t even the most embarrassing sports story in Los Angeles of the evening.

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Oakland shut out the Boston Red Sox 5-0 tonight, despite committing their major league leading 19th error of the season. Should we start referring to them as the Oakland “E”s?

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The NFL released their 2011 schedule. Considering how far apart the two sides seem in terms of a settlement, isn’t this about as realistic as the New York Mets offering a plan that would guarantee the ability of fans to purchase playoff tickets?

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Bob Knight has apologized to the University of Kentucky and coach John Calipari, after claiming that several of the Wildcats’ players did not attend spring semester classes last year.

What Bob’s apology said was shouldn’t have made it (his slam against one-and-dones)  personal to Kentucky.”  What Knight no doubt thought was he shouldn’t have qualified the statement with “spring semester.”

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Today GOP House members issued a contract to pay former Solicitor General Paul Clement $575 an hour, with a $500,000 cap, to defend the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act. I’m waiting for the Tea Party outrage.

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Donald Trump says the ‘last person’ Obama wants to run against is Donald Trump. Well, and yes, since President Obama would be limited to two terms I think he would LOVE the last person he runs against to be Trump.

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The unemployment rate fell in two-thirds of the nation’s states last month, as again private employers added more than 200,000 jobs. Many Republicans were dismayed, however, because the more new jobs, the less chance that Obama loses his.

Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen’s soon-to-be ex-wife, has won her latest custody battle with Sheen. Mueller herself allegedly bought crack cocaine from a street corner drug dealer last week. Open question to conservative “family values” types – can a loving gay couple possibly be a worse choice for parenting than these two clowns?

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Stress test:

April 13, 2011

You think you had a stressful evening?   Can you imagine sitting in a window seat on the left side of the plane on that little Delta plane that got clipped by the Air France jumbo jet?

 

In the wake of their Airbus 380 clipping a smaller plane at JFK airport, Air France has, however, changed some of their protocols. For example, Happy Hour for pilots will not begin until AFTER the plane is in the air.

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Wednesday night may be the last NBA game in Sacramento, as the team may move to Anaheim.  Although frustrated Kings fans may say they watched their last professional game a few years ago.

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Former Egyptian president Mubarak allegedly suffered a heart attack brought on by the stress of being about to be questioned by prosecutors. Some are skeptical. As opposed to no one who would be surprised if Vice President Cheney had a heart attack after the stress of today’s falling oil prices.

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Glenn Beck has apparently said he doesn’t see Sarah Palin running for president and said Palin “has done some damage to her political brand.” Interesting comment from a guy who proved himself too crazy for Fox News.

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It’s not a typo, Cleveland is in first place in the AL Central. The last time the Indians had such an unexpectedly good week, Custer was involved.

 

Meanwhile Mets fans got some good news Tuesday with no bullpen collapse against the Rockies; the game was rained out.

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A shout out to all those Giants fans who have been clamoring since spring training for Aaron Rowand to get a chance for more playing time.  The same fans presumably who had Butler and VCU in the Final Four.

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There are three California hockey teams in this year’s NHL playoffs.  Asked for a response, most Californians responded “We have hockey teams?”

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And regarding the trivia question from a couple nights ago.

 

The current largest capacity stadium in Major League Baseball is Dodger Stadium, 56,000.  (Presumably between the third and seventh innings.)

 

The smallest for years WAS Fenway Park, but its capacity has been increased to 39,928., making PNC Park in Pittsburgh the true smallest, at 38,496.

But here’s where it gets interesting/stupid.  Tropicana Field can easily hold over 42,000 during the postseason, but they only open up about 37,000 seats for most home games.   And the Oakland A’s have closed off their upper deck in recent years, selling only about 35,000 seats, although they once had a crowd of over 55,000 in 2002.  (Personally,  I think if you can adjust seating capacity as easily as removing a tarp, that being called the smallest doesn’t count.)

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Young and Old Masters.

April 11, 2011

Congratulations to the Giants’ Buster Posey. Not only did he receive his “2010 Rookie of the Year” award Sunday, it was announced that he and his wife are expecting twins later this year.  Guess this proves that, appearances to the contrary, Buster has reached puberty.

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Must have been fun for anyone texting about the Masters today. Since so many phones have “predictive spelling” can’t imagine how anyone managed to spell “Charl” without it turning into ‘Charlie.”

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(Tacky time)  Tiger may not have won today. But it must have been nice to hear the conversation turning back to his performance with holes on a golf course.

 

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One semi-silver lining for New York Mets fans after a really rough afternoon. Rory McIlroy’s collapse was a bigger story on Sportscenter than that of the Mets’ bullpen

Of course the difference is that most people assume McIlroy will get better.

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A new biography of Steve Jobs will be out next year. And then a few months later a pocket-sized version will be available. And then one you can attach to a keychain. ((Magnifying glass presumably included.)

 

 

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While Sarah Palin won’t directly address the “birther” issue, she said of Trump’s new focus  -“I appreciate that the Donald wants to spend his resources in getting to the bottom of something that so interests him and many Americans.” Wonder if Palin would say the same thing if he wanted to investigate alleged ethics violations from her time as Governor of Alaska?

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One sign that Major League Baseball is in midseason form. The Fox “Game of the Week” Saturday afternoon – Yankees-Red Sox. The Sunday night “Game of the Week” on ESPN – Yankees-Red Sox. (Note to Bud Selig – maybe viewership might be higher during the post-season if most of America had actually seen any but their local teams and the Yankees-Red Sox during the season

(As my friend Scott Brady points out, for variation there is always Red Sox-Yankees.)

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Regarding Manny being Manny, and his retiring rather than face a 100 game suspension for a second failed drug test:  Is the penalty doubled for the second positive test as a stiffer punishment?  Or as an additional penalty for stupidity?

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Opening week trivia question – which Major League Baseball park holds the most fans?  (No fair Googling it.)  And which holds the least?  It used to be Fenway, but there is now one that is  smaller.  (And there are three parks where they close off some of the seats until and unless the team gets to the postseason, but I’m not counting those.)

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Slow starts.

April 7, 2011

Not to say that they’re panicking in Boston yet.  But the Globe is considering putting Red Sox box scores in the obituary section.

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According to the San Francisco Chronicle, Ann Coulter is coming to the city this August for a fundraiser for a Young Republicans group. Makes sense, San Francisco has always been hospitable to female impersonators.

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The Tampa Bay Rays are now 0-5. In four of those losses, the team had exactly one run and four hits. In fact, the Rays are having such a hard time scoring they got a sympathy card from the Butler Bulldogs.

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Manny Ramirez says of being booed already by Rays fans “It’s all good. I liked it.” If that’s true Manny is going to have a very happy year in Tampa Bay.

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Congress is considering a law, sponsored by Utah Republican Jason Chaffetz,that would make it tougher for small wineries to sell by mail to out-of-state clients. So GOP proponents who want government out of our lives are now making an exception for our wine cellars as well as our bedrooms.

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For anyone who watched the NCAA men’s basketball tournament and thought. “the quality of play really sucks”, here’s a scary stat. There are 60 players on NBA rosters with college eligibility remaining. (And that doesn’t count D-leagues, teams in Europe, or kids who have already washed out after leaving school early.)

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Marc Ragovin said it was “the ugliest final since Snooki took calculus.”

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For fans of bad basketball, along with anyone who hasn’t gotten over VCU being included in the NCAA tournament, I give you – the Indiana Pacers. 35-43, and close to clinching a playoff spot.

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Not saying Tiger Woods isn’t really ready for the Masters Championship.  But last weekend he was seen practicing with the Butler Bulldogs.

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One of Bristol Palin’s entourage says that $262,500 she made just as a teen-pregnancy education ambassador for the Candies Foundation is “not out of the ordinary for a celebrity.” Fair enough, but just what qualifies Bristol as a celebrity other than her role in a real life version of “Knocked Up?”

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The new Pac 12 (the Pac 10 plus Utah and Colorado), is looking to sign a television contract for $220 million. Can’t imagine how these student-athletes get the idea it’s all about the money.

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If we DO have a government shutdown, let’s sure hope we don’t have any earthquakes while it happens. Just for the record, USGS employees would not only be furloughed, they would be forbidden from working without pay during a shutdown. Or even from talking to the media. But we could never have a major quake here in the U.S., right?

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Finally getting to the finals:

April 4, 2011

Stanford women picked a bad game to start shooting free throws like men.

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And who had the UConn men in the finals, and the UConn women watching at home?

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Rough time to be an ESPN executive with women’s basketball, all the hype (and already canned segments) about a Stanford-UConn rematch, and the network ends up with Texas A & M-Notre Dame?

And changing over to baseball:-

Okay,  Giants fans, it’s too soon to panic.  But maybe Aubrey Huff needs a fielding thong.

Although for anyone reading too much into MLB’s first weekend, let’s see-  the Royals are in first place, and one of the only undefeated teams left in baseball are the Baltimore Orioles?

Oh yeah,  and the Red Sox are winless.

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The Yankees are now claiming that injured lefthanded reliever Pedro Feliciano was “abused” by the Mets during the four years he pitched for them.  Not true, responded the Mets, the only people we abuse are our fans.

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Meanwhile, the third member of the Oakland Raiders was arrested this off-season.  So lockout or no lockout the team is clearly in midseason form.

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And the most recent arrest of  Raiders wide receiver  Louis Murphy, was for illegal possession of a drug without a prescription, and the drug was Viagra.  Think when the team actually gets back in the locker room he may hear one or two jokes about “performance enhancing drugs?”

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New Southwest slogan:  “Flying that’s all it’s cracked up to be?”

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“Hop”  was the clear box office winner this weekend.  It might be the highest grossing bunny movie of all time, at least without Hugh Hefner involved.

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A 74 year old in San Diego stabbed his neighbor because he said the neighbor’s dogs were harrassing his kittens. Well, I suppose it’s a twisted sign of gender equality. Now we have a crazy cat man.

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Apparently  the reviews were terrible for Charlie Sheen’s first two “Torpedo of Truth,” shows, with many people simply walking out.  But maybe fans who bought tickets should have figured this – after all, a torpedo really is a kind of bomb.

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Well,  Jalen Rose, who had already been called on the carpet for his rants against Duke, has been pulled from ESPN after a DUI arrest.  Looks like Rose has gone from the ‘Fab Five’ to ‘Two and a half men.'”


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Changing seasons:

April 1, 2011

Forget  all this equinox stuff, TODAY is the first real day of Spring. Play Ball!

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As the first pitch was thrown on Opening Day, thousands and thousands of fans were still filing into Dodger Stadium. Good to see Los Angeles fans are in mid-season form.

Orel Hershiser said during the ESPN Opening Night game that the SF Giants haven’t faced a batting practice pitcher like Kershaw. With all due respect, anyone in the Giants organization who throws like Clayton Kershaw (lefty, mid-nineties with control) won’t be throwing batting practice.

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Another discussion topic on Opening night was whether or not the Dodgers are committed to winning.  Well, Frank and Jamie McCourt are certainly committed to winning, the problem is, it’s in their divorce case against each other.

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The missing cobra from the Bronx Zoo was caught alive today. I see a made-for-television movie in our future – a combination of “Escape from New York” and “Snakes on a Plane.”

(the Cobra was located in an out of the way corner of the Reptile House.  As my friend Alex Kaseberg says, “Even cobras know it’s not safe to go outside in the Bronx.)

John Mellencamp and Stephen King are collaborating on a new musical. Let me guess, it’s not going to be produced by Disney.

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Chad Pennington (torn ACL) has now joined Zack Grienke (cracked rib) on the list of athletes who have injured themselves playing pickup basketball. Why can’t these guys follow the NBA players’ regular season regimen?:   Just don’t play that hard.

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Barry Zito’s car was broadsided by a red-light runner in Los Angeles last night. Fortunately the Giants pitcher was not seriously injured although his car was severely damaged. SF fans are hoping that’s the hardest Zito gets hit all year.  (assist to T.C.)

So the movie industry can take a perfectly lovely movie like “The King’s Speech,” and turn it into a PG13 film by cutting some off-colour language. Then why can’t they take some other top-rated films and re-release them as PG13 by cutting out some graphic and bloody violence?

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And they can’t even blame it on the butterfly ballot. A Florida PPP (Public Policy Polling) poll shows that in a hypothetical rematch, after only 2 months, Governor Rick Scott would lose to his Democratic opponent Alex Sink, 56 to 37 percent, with 16 percent of voters switching sides, INCLUDING 21 percent of Republicans.  Is there something in the water?  

(Too bad the governorship isn’t like Target, with a 90 day return policy with receipt.)

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Detroit, we have a problem.

February 18, 2011

The Tigers’ Miguel Cabrera, who said last year he did not have an “alcohol problem,” was arrested in Florida for DUI. According to the Sheriff’s dept, Cabrera “smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and TOOK A SWIG FROM A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH IN FRONT OF A DEPUTY.” (Caps mine.)” Well, I don’t know about an alcohol problem, but he sure has a stupidity problem.

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Cheryl Burke from “Dancing with the Stars’ has now confirmed rumors that she had a fling with her one-time partner Chad Ochocinco. Well, at least she had enough sense not to sign a long term contract with him.th him. 

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Michael Vick cancelled his appearance on “Oprah,” but also apparently has been receiving some inquiries about a possible appearance on “the View.” Great, so he may be going from dogfighting to catfighting.

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It’s after midnight, one week before the trade deadline. Do you know where Carmelo Anthony is?

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Former Partridge Family star David Cassidy pleaded no contest to DUI after being arrested with a .14 blood alcohol level and a half bottle of bourbon in the car. Sounds like he may have taken that “Come on get happy” a little too literally.

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Speaker of the House John Boehner reaffirmed his promise on budget cuts today, punctuating it with “Read my lips.” Yeah, that phrase worked out so well for the GOP before.

What’s next, will he declare of the Republican plans –  “mission accomplished?”

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Many passengers out of San Francisco today are complaining about flights delayed an hour or two by rain. And travelers living on the East Coast, in the Midwest and Texas are thinking, oh just SHUT UP.

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The Energy Department’s inspector general reported that California’s Lawrence Livermore National Lab failed to keep track of samples of dangerous drugs, including cocaine, amphetamines, opium and black tar heroin. And that some drugs were missing. Sounds like it could have been a heck of a Christmas party.

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Fox News was caught faking coverage at the CPAC straw poll. When Ron Paul beat Mitt Romney the network used footage from last year of people booing. Fox News isn’t always honest? Next thing we’ll hear is that Charlie Sheen has a substance abuse problem.

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So some think Florida governor and Tea Party favorite Rick Scott’s decision to turn down federal funds for High Speed Rail may help opponents derail HSR in California.  Okay, just how low have we fallen in the Golden State that we now aspire to be Florida?

From Bill Littlejohn: “In Egypt, they’ve found the stolen statue of King Tut’s father—it should be back in place at the entrance to Penn State’s Beaver football Stadium by next season”

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And by the time anyone reads this things may have changed, but as of the time of writing, my “don’t forget the lyrics” joke from last night is number three on Giglish.com  – behind Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Fallon jokes. I’ll take it.

http://www.giglish.com/

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America’s team?

October 22, 2010

 Are the Texas Rangers really now America’s team? Could be.  Most of them are underpaid by MLB standards,  the team declared bankruptcy earlier in the year, and they are much better off without George W. Bush in charge.

(for all non-hardcore baseball fans, before W. ran for governor and then President, he was the managing partner of the Rangers. And amongst other things, traded Sammy Sosa for Harold Baines.)

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Alex Rodriguez made the last out for New York in the ALCS. Particularly fitting since his salary is more than half that of the whole Rangers team. ($33 million to 55 million.)

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The headline in Saturday’s New York Post says “$210 million bust.”  So thanks to the Yankees, Meg Whitman’s campaign may avoid this year’s dubious honor of being “Most money spent in a losing cause.”

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The Yankees, ever resilient, are considering filing for a roster rule change for 2011. Preferably to make the trade deadline the seventh inning stretch during postseason games.

And while the players themselves watch the World Series between naps and golf games, for management, still flush with free agent cash, the games will be shopping time.

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In fact, the Yankees especially wish Josh Hamilton and Cliff Lee well.  And promise them a bigger ring when they win the 2011 World Series in pinstripes.

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Let’s hope none of those Chilean miners are casual baseball fans, if one of them hears that the New York Yankees are not going to the World Series because they were beaten by the Texas Rangers, they are likely to head to the doctor asking for medication to help with hallucinations.

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“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Who knew Nietzsche was an SF Giants fan?

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American Kamari Charlton, a former FSU Seminoles, may be punished by “caning” in Singapore after overstaying his 90 day visa by 169 days. Charlton must have been a math major at Florida State.

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According to CNN, Jeb Bush said Friday he isn’t running for president, but would support Sarah Palin if she were to run. I thought Jeb was supposed to be “the smart one.”

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When asked how she was coping with the allegations against her husband, Deanna Favre says: “I’m handling this through faith.” Upon hearing this Elin Nordegren sent Deanna a gift of golf clubs.

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And this is a groaner, I know, but –  Former President Clinton is going to tail gate for some of his fellow Democrats this weekend. And if there’s anyone who knows “tails,” it’s Bill Clinton.

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In a rare public speech at a trade conference, former President George W. Bush said his greatest failure as a president was not privatizing Social Security. His remarks occasioned immediate requests for more pre-election speeches, from Democrats.

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Apparently there is talk in the airline industry of commercial passenger jets someday being flown solo. But it’s unlikely to happen. Most pilots don’t like to drink alone.

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Okay, let’s be real here….(NLCS Game 5 postmortem edition)

October 22, 2010

While no one who roots for the 2010 version of the SF Giants is happy about tonight’s 4-2 loss to the Phillies, alas it has to be said.  Anyone who really expected this team to sweep the Phillies at home and win the NLCS in five, clearly hasn’t been paying attention.

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So now,  game six in Philadelphia Saturday. And the SF Giants haven’t beaten Roy Oswalt since…Wednesday night.

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Just when you think the whole Bay Area has caught playoff fever big time, I get this report from a client about her boss, who was calling the office (hands-free) from her car in SF, and said “Are the Giants playing tonight or something? There’s a really big traffic jam.”

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In game five, Tim Lincecum actually outpitched Roy Halladay. But a horrible third inning gave the Phillies three runs.  The inning included a hit batter (who didn’t try to get out of the way), a  bunt that was probably foul,  third baseman Pablo Sandoval not touching third base to start a double play, and first baseman Aubrey Huff  ‘channeling Brooks Conrad on a ground ball for a two run error.

Said Giants manager Bruce Bochy “We just didn’t play real crisp.”  “Real crisp?  Yeah, more like a six-month old open box of Rice Krispies cereal.

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From TC:  “If Pablo Sandoval and Bengie Molina get any bigger, Greenpeace will be trying to save them.”

But okay, in the sour grapes department,  Major League Baseball should either enforce this rule, or get rid of it:

6.08
The batter becomes a runner and is entitled to first base without liability to be put out (provided he advances to and touches first base) when (b) He is touched by a pitched ball which he is not attempting to hit unless (1) The ball is in the strike zone when it touches the batter, or (2) The batter makes no attempt to avoid being touched by the ball;

Phillies catcher Carlos Ruiz has been hit by pitches four times in the postseason, twice against the Giants.   Tonight he didn’t even flinch, let alone move.

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“Fear the beard” has become an SF Giants mantra. Lincecum and Posey say they will join the party too. As soon as they are old enough to shave.

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Meanwhile,  in college football,  UCLA was trounced by Oregon 60-13,  in a game remiscent of the Bruins’ earlier 35-0 loss to Stanford.  

Yet, this UCLA team also managed to beat Houston 31-13, and upset then undefeated Texas 34-12.

No wonder the Longhorns didn’t follow through on their rumored plan to join the Pac 10.  At this rate the only thing less popular than California college teams in the state of Texas just might be liberals.

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The newly formed Pac 12 will divide into two divisions for football, with Stanford, Cal, Oregon, OSU, Washington and WSU in the North, and UCLA, USC, Arizona, ASU, Colorado and Utah in the South. Apparently the plan fell through to move USC to where they really belong, the NFC West.

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Meg Whitman’s poll numbers in Calfornia have apparently plummeted with Latinos after the controversy with her former maid.  Which brings up a reminder again, for all would-be politicians and sports stars:   If you have ANY relationship, working or romantic, that you don’t want to see on the front page,  make sure you end it on good terms.

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Open note to Carly Fiorina: If you are going to run ads saying “I’ll oppose my party when it’s wrong,” and you actually mean it, could you come up with just ONE example where you think the Republicans are wrong now ?

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Televised torture…

October 16, 2010

 Fox baseball analyst Tim McCarver came out against instant replay, saying it “will kill the pace of the game.” You know what already kills the pace of the game? Listening to Tim McCarver.

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(Actually McCarver doing color for the NLCS  will do his part to help the Giants live up to their “Giants baseball torture” billing. At least the torture part.   And then between innings we get political commercials. Shouldn’t this be reported as a violation of the Geneva convention?)

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My friend Alex Kaseberg has a Tim McCarver imitation:  “What some people forget is that a baseball is round. And the bat is round. So you gotta hit a round thing with another round thing. That’s hard.”

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But announcing aside, baseball’s all about the day-to-day grind, 162 games in 6 months, no real breaks. So part of the drama is the war of attrition and which players can fight through exhaustion and nagging injuries. Then then we get to the post season…. with no games for DAYS. Thank you FOX and Bud Selig.’

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‎So in game one of the ALCS, 5-0 Texas lead going to the 7th, turns into a 6-5 Yankees win. How many other Giants fans were having painful flashbacks to World Series game six?

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While there were many pitching goats out of the bullpen for the Rangers, the biggest horns may belong to Darren Oliver, 40, who came in with a 5-2 lead, and walked the only two batters he faced.

That’s what can happen when you bring in an inexperienced young guy in the playoffs, said Jamie Moyer.

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Another sign it’s just too long between games in the playoffs….. Heard today on the radio, “The Giants will have a good chance in the NLCS if they can outscore the Phillies…”

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Apparently Paramount is working on a sequel to Top Gun. Wonder if it will open up with “Maverick” and “Charlie” meeting up again while cruising gay bars….?

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In a new video, Justin Bieber apparently criticizes Tom Brady’s hair in a new video. Isn’t that like Sarah Palin criticizing Christine O’Donnell’s knowledge of current events?

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Meanwhile, Sarah Palin was in Northern California, and during a speech in San Jose she accused Democrats of being like “permanent residents of a unicorn ranch in fantasyland” and talked about them using “pixie dust.”

Hmm, sounds like someone might have had a pre-speech meeting with “California Republicans in Favor of Proposition 19.”..

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The University of Georgia has a new mascot,  UGA VIII,  a 13 month old English bulldog, who will make his first appearance at the school’s homecoming game against Vanderbilt.  According to the school’s athletic director ” As our mascot he represents everything we want our student-athletes and fans to be … proud, loyal, tenacious and relentless.

The jury’s out as to whether UGA VIII  aka Big Bad Bruce)  will help the school turn around what has been a difficult year for the football team.  But at least he can probably get through the year without being arrested.

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 Years ago, after a rough 49ers loss,  San Francisco mayor Willie Brown called quarterback Elvis Grbac an “embarrassment to humankind.” Hmm. Maybe nobody had better ask Willie what he thinks of Alex Smith.

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Sports headline:  Favre questionable for Vikings.    Well, his behavior for sure.   And here the pundits were worried about Randy Moss being a distraction.

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