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Schwarzenegger and other rock stars.

November 25, 2009

It wasn’t embarassing enough for TMZ to catch his wife Maria Schriver driving while holding a cellphone and parking illegally. Now Governor Schwarzenegger has also been photographed with HIS Porsche parked illegally. But maybe this means Arnold’s next job should be with the 49ers. At least he knows how to get into the red zone.

(any reader outside California feel free to substitute “Redskins.”

Speaking of Washington, once again the Redskins are embroiled in a controversy and a lawsuit over whether their name is derogatory towards Indians. Although if Cleveland gets much worse, expect a lawsuit over their name being potentially derogatory – from Crayola over the color Brown.

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Has anyone else notice how many politicians send nice emails this time of year saying things like “Time for Thanks,” or “Thanks for all your Support,”, or something similar? And then at the bottom of the email is always a button to solicit donations.

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After his racy performance at the American Music Awards, Adam Lambert’s appearance on Good Morning America was cancelled. Apparently ABC felt it would be inappropriate for a potential family audience. Instead, they spent the time discussing Carrie Prejean’s sex tapes and Mark Sanford’s ethics violations.

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Or interviewing US Air’s pilot hero. And if Captain “Sully” Sullenberger is now having “rock star sex” after his heroic landing, does that mean he is kissing his co-pilot and simulating gay acts?

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I suppose I shouldnt go there on the idea that, okay, “Sully” gets “rock star sex” for landing the plane in the Hudson… what do those Northwest pilots get for missing Minneapolis? The obvious thought is that that their wives said that it wasn’t unusual for them to get distracted and miss the target. But other suggestions encouraged.

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Former Miss California Carrie Prejean is dating former Cal and current Rams backup quarterback Kyle Boller. In fact, Prejean dedicated her book to him. For his part Boller says Carrie’s giving him a whole new appreciation for watching tape.

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Myths and Urban legends…

November 24, 2009

Urban Meyer, coach of the Gators says he wants to dispel rumors he will take the Notre Dame job, and says he is staying at Florida “as long as they’ll have me.”

Or at least until Notre Dame makes him a much better offer…

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But really, if Meyer wants millions to coach an overhyped, unachieving team with ridiculously rich backers, he should probably hold out for the Redskins.

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The Indian Prime Minister, Manmohan Singh, will be visiting President Obama in Washington today, and apparently hoping for evidence that Obama values the “strategic partnership” between the two countries. Especially compared to U.S. relations with China. The short version of Singh’s agenda “Debt, schmebt, want to kiss your tech support goodbye?””

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Governor Schwarzenegger announced his appointment of Republican Abel Maldonado as lieutenant governor on the new Jay Leno show. Democrats immediately accused Arnold of trying to slip his choice through while no one was looking.

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South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is facing 37 ethics charges . Yes, 37. Or as they call that in Louisiana, a good start.

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37 separate ethics violations for Governor Sanford. Wouldn’t it be simpler for the South Carolina legislature to pass a resolution saying “You’re a scumball, please leave”?

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This is President Obama’s first Thanksgiving in Washington, which means he has to officially pardon a turkey. Though many Democrats think believe Obama’s already done enough for Joe Lieberman.

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Ah for the good old days, when appealing to your “inner 13 year old” mean the rock band Kiss, and not Twilight.

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More about those amazing weekend numbers, over $142 million gross for “The New Moon.” And 80 percent of the audience was women. There were even rumors that of the 20 percent men, about a dozen were actually straight.

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Christie’s is auctioning off a first edition of Darwin’s “On the Origin of Species.” They hope the book will fetch at least 60,000 British pounds. Although the number of people buying Sarah Palin’s book has slightly tarnished the theory of human evolution.

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If the Raiders win in a forest…

November 23, 2009

And almost no fans are at the stadium, and no one sees it on TV, does it still count?

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Congrats to the Raiders on a rare win today. For the first time in recent memory, Oakland receivers used their hands more than the French soccer team.

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Brett Favre continues to amaze with his performance as a member of the Minnesota Vikings. If this keeps up wonder if Dan Snyder will find a way to track down Doug Williams.

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Once again, the Washington Redskins came close but lost the game, this time to the Dallas Cowboys. Maybe it was a bit of hubris to name their stadium FedEx Field. At least FedEx actually delivers.

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New New Yorks Knicks slogan – We suck less than the Nets.

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President Obama is getting ready for his first Thanksgiving in the White House, and of course, he plans to pardon a turkey. But most Democrats are telling him, Lieberman just doesn’t deserve it.

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Apparently the President donned a Chicago Bears jacket as part of a NFL promotional spot he has taped for Thanksgiving Day. Not a bad idea, despite all the criticism he has faced, Obama does have higher approval ratings than Jay Cutler.

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“New Moon”, the latest Twilight movie, grossed over $140 million. With an audience that was 80 percent women. Wow. That means some of those women actually got men to show up?

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The number two movie this weekend was “The Blind Side,” basically a football-themed chick-flick, which had an audience of 59 percent women. It’s a shame for the U.S. retail industry that the movies didn’t open Thanksgiving weekend, because given a choice between “New Moon” and “Blind Side,” I imagine a lot of men would say, “Honey, why don’t we go shopping?”

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Stanford lost the “Big Game” in football to Cal, which means that the Bears get to keep the symbol of their rivalry – “the Axe – for another year. But the Cardinal next week has a chance to help ax Charlie Weis.

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Apparently fewer Americans will be travelling home for Thanksgiving by air this year. Of course, on Northwest some of them will waive to their homes as they fly by.

No word also on how many Americans will spend the holidays waiting on the tarmac with JetBlue.

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Approaching turkey time…

November 22, 2009

As we approach the holiday season, one tradition around the U.S. is a contest to find the biggest Thanksgiving turkey. So far it seems to be between the Packers-Lions and Raiders-Cowboys.

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In the meantime, today brings us a matchup between the 1-8 Browns and the 1-8 Lions. How bad is it likely to be? Not only is the game blacked out locally, the Navy can’t show it to the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, for fear of violating the Geneva Convention.

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FIFA has refused to overturn France’s controversial win over Ireland. Does that mean they basically handed France the World Cup berth?

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LSU lost a critical game to Ole Miss when they forgot to call a timeout with less than 30 seconds left in the game. While the Tigers aren’t known for their high academic standards, maybe it would be a good idea to teach the players to count to 26.

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But over in the Ivy League, Yale was leading 10-7 over Harvard with about two and a half minutes left. The Bulldogs had a 4th and 22 at their own 26 yard line. With a punter who had been averaging 51 yards and the Crimson out of timeouts. And Yale tried a fake punt. Which came up short. Harvard drove 40 yards for a game winning touchdown.

Even Bill Belichick said “What were they THINKING?”

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And in the NFL….

Last week the league fined a number of players from between $5,000 to 10,000 for unnecessary roughness. Including some plays that resulted in injuries. After fining Chad Ochicinco $20,000 for a fake $1 bribe to an official. And of course Titans’ Bud Adam’s $250,000 fine for giving the finger to Bills fans.

Can’t imagine how anyone thinks the league doesn’t take the health of their players seriously.

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The big political news Saturday was the Senate actually voting 60-40 to open debate on the healthcare bill. Which is being considered a major accomplishment. Not passing the bill, simply managing to get the votes to DISCUSS it. And they wonder why most Americans don’t have much faith in Congress.

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finally, from Alex Kaseberg, a wonderfully tacky close:

“Sarah Palin’s daughter’s baby-daddy, Levi Johnston, is posing for “Playgirl” but isn’t doing the “Full Monty.” That means he’ll take of his Levis but you won’t see his Johnston.

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Go Cardinal.

November 21, 2009

On the eve of the Big Game with Stanford, Cal students took over a classroom building to protest tuition fee hikes. No football players, however, were involved. Not that any of them know where a classroom building is….

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Actually, as big as “Big Game” is for Stanford, next week’s matchup with Notre Dame could be even more interesting. Especially since Charlie Weis may have his job on the line. Let’s see, the Fighting Irish in the midst of a disappointing season, all that tradition and hard-core alums, and a coach who could get fired if they lose. Can’t imagine what the Stanford band will come up with for a halftime show….

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And maybe after the Stanford-Cal game, the media will finally stop talking about Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh’s decision to go for two with a 27 point lead last week against USC. Personally, while Harbaugh has come up with all sorts of excuses on the subject, I would have preferred the Woody Hayes answer. When asked once why he went for two with a 36 (yes 36) point lead against Michigan, he responded “Because I couldn’t go for three.”

(note, this might be the only time EVER I write something positive about the late Woody Hayes.)

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Correcting the spread: As noted earlier this week in this blog. The University of Florida, as part of their usual yearly effort to play a schedule worthy of a BCS champion, has scheduled Florida International University this weekend. The spread was 41 1/2. Six touchdowns. But Vegas has decided that was unrealistic. The spread is now 45.

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Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum won the Cy Young with only 15 wins, despite a 2.48 ERA. Since voters decided not to punish him for the team’s anemic offense. Asked about trying to sign a “big bat,” San Francisco GM Brian Sabean said they probably wouldn’t go for one of the top, but that there was a “good crop of second-tier free agents” out there. Translation, next year Lincecum could win another award with a 2.20 ERA and 13 wins.
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“New Moon,” the second movie in the “Twilight Saga,” is opening this weekend. For all those who didn’t believe it would be possible to write worse dialogue than the “Star Wars Trilogy.”

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Give the “Twilight” phenonomen some credit. The movies are making many parents think back nostalgically to the days of “Barney the Dinosaur.”

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Customs officers seized a shipment of 316,000 bongs disguised as Christmas ornaments at Los Angeles harbor. In related news, shares of Krispy Kreme stock just dropped 10 percent.

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High strikes and misdemeanors.

November 20, 2009

Tim Lincecum won his second straight Cy Young award today. The person most unhappy about this? (No, not runner-up Chris Carpenter.) Michael Phelps. He’s now worried the IOC may classify marijuana as a performance enchancing drug.

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Tim Lincecum wins the Cy Young award Thursday morning, and Ricky Williams scores three touchdowns Thursday night for Miami. It might have been the best day for stoners since they invented Doritos.

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Although Lincecum only had 15 wins this year, voters apparently felt his statistics outweighed the results. Besides, he had two significant handicaps playing for San Francisco. First, the Giants’ anemic offense didn’t score him many runs. Second, he didn’t have the benefit of pitching against his own team.

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(Actually, how bad was the Giants’ offense last year? They would have had to taken iron to be considered anemic.)

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Vikings coach Brad Childress has been offered a contract extension through 2013. Which means he will only have to put up with Brett Favre retiring and unretiring another 2-3 times.

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Senator Robert C Byrd, 92, is now the longest serving member of Congress ever, having first been sworn in on January 3, 1953. He has cast more than 18,000 votes. And at this point, he remembers at least a dozen of them.
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Barbara Walters asked Sarah Palin was to rate President Obama’s performance on a scale of 1 to 10. And George W. Bush said, “1 to 10? Palin is right about the sexism, they always ask her the hard questions.”

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Former Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has been saying that some of the criticism of Obama have been “unfair and even shameful.” (He was referring to things like GOP criticism of the President visiting Dover to pay respect to the coffins of returning soldiers, and the White House Halloween party for local children.) Huckabee added that while he is a conservative, he feels that “knee-jerk” criticism is counter-productive and prevents civil debate.

How weird is it that amongst leading Republicans, the creationist turns out to be one of those who seems most highly evolved?

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USC Coach Pete Carroll will use his team’s bye week to do some recruiting. While there may be a few twins and multiple players from the same schools on his lists, it’s a pretty safe bet no one will ask him anywhere if he’s going to “go for two.”

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The South African sports ministry has stated that gender tests on South African runner Caster Semenya will remain sealed and private. Yeah, that worked out so well with steroid testing in baseball.
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Cincinnati quarterback Zach Collaros was caught trying to enter a bar with a fake ID before he turned 21 this year. He was sentenced to a first offender program, but has apparently been AWOL .

The judge warned Collaros that he will be jailed if he doesn’t start the program soon, and added “It’s not like blowing off a math class.” Said several SEC quarterbacks “What’s a math class?”

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There’s drinking in college, I’m shocked, shocked…

November 19, 2009

A new study in the Journal of American College Health found that 41.5% of college students who live in co-ed dorms drink excessively on a regular basis. The other 58.5% in the survey thought “excessive drinking” is an oxymoron.

Of course, when they tried to do the same study in single sex fraternity houses, most of the guys were too drunk to answer.

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President Obama says he hasn’t seen Sarah Palin’s new book yet. But he thinks he may get a take a look after Sasha and Melia finish coloring it.

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You can tell the NFL season is heating up, the first coach – Dick Jauron of the Bills – has been fired, commentators are already talking about the playoff picture, and Sports Illustrated is already speculating about whether Brett Favre will or will not retire after this year…

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France qualified for their fourth consecutive World Cup on a missed call against Ireland. They won 2-1, but the winning goal was scored on a “hand ball” that the referee didn’t apparently see. Who was in charge of officiating anyway, the SEC?

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The Oakland Raiders for now have benched Jamarcus Russell and given their starting quarterback job to Bruce Gradkowski. Coach Tom Cable’s hope is that this will turn their fortunes around. But considering their overall lineup, this will probably work about as well as NBC moving Jay Leno to 10pm.

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The NBA New Jersey Nets are 0-12. Yes, that’s right – 0-12. This is as embarrassing as anyone on the team can remember. Other than admitting they’re from New Jersey.
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A new academic study reported in the Toronto Star says “that gut-wrenching fear of defeat and outright despair are what make sporting events truly enjoyable for those watching.” Well, if true, that means that Wrigley Field has just overtaken Disneyland as the “Happiest Place on Earth.”

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Bud Selig said that next year Major League Baseball will try to have less off-days between playoff games. Translation, Fox has decided the World Series going into November hurts their fall schedule.

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German filmmaker Gunter Wallraff is under heavy criticism for donning blackface to investigate the plight of blacks in Germany. Bill Littlejohn was shocked—there are blacks in Germany?”

The biggest problem Wallraff apparently faced during filming, everyone who met him kept calling him “Mr President.”

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Will the last Golden State Warrior to leave Oracle Arena turn out the lights?

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Sarah, we – and the McCain staff – hardly knew ye…

November 18, 2009

Sarah Palin gave a lengthy interview to Oprah this week. No official comment on Oprah’s reaction, but one has to think she wondered “Where’s that guy whose shoulder I cried on when I REALLY need him?”

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Palin is now complaining that a Newsweek cover picture, showing her wearing a long-sleeved shirt and short-shorts, is “sexist.” The picture was taken for a photo spread in a running magazine. Maybe Newsweek isn’t paying her anything near like what Levi is getting.

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But one question, if Hillary Clinton had also posed in short-shorts for a magazine article on physical fitness, think only one other publication would have picked up the photo? For that matter Dick Cheney? (Although as a visual person I REALLY want both those last images out of my head.)

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Sarah Palin has been complaining about Levi Johnston running around the country with media appearances and neglecting his responsibilities as a father. Fair enough, but aren’t Sarah’s daughter’s Willow and Piper, who are with her on HER media tour, supposed to be in school now? (And no one ever sees Palin with her youngest son.)

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Sarah Palin said in a television interview that President Obama’s Nobel Prize was “premature.” And Palin should know about premature. Fortunately, her oldest son Track was healthy, despite being born only 7 1/2 months after Sarah and her husband Todd eloped.

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Bud Adams, the owner of the Tennessee Titans, was fined $250,000 for making an obscene gesture to opposing fans after his team’s win. By that standard they could balance the budget in Washington just by fining Redskins fans for the gestures they make to their own team.

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The BCS defends always picking SEC teams for the Championship games due to their “strength of schedule.” Ladies and gentleman, I bring you this week’s opponents for Florida and Alabama respectively – Florida International University and Chattanooga. Guess University of Phoenix wasn’t available.

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Hard luck Kansas City Royals pitcher Zack Greinke won the American League Cy Young, despite having only 16 wins to go with his 2.14 ERA. Not to worry, however, someday he will probably win 20 with a higher ERA. When he signs with the Yankees.

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I don’t often write “girl humor” but the next might qualify.

A British woman claims to have 300 orgasms a day. Women around the world want to know which chocolate company she works for.

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And lastly, for anyone who thinks THEY have a busy life. This paragraph from Tom Fitzgerald’s story in the SF Chronicle on Stanford football star Toby Gerhardt’s light academic quarter…

“The standard course load at Stanford is 15 credits. This quarter, Gerhart is taking 21. Then he’ll be three courses from his degree in management sciences and engineering. He’s taking investment science, integral calculus, introduction to optimization (engineering), prehistoric archaeology and high-technology entrepreneurship.”

Oh, and next quarter, besides classes, he can go back to his other “hobby” – being a starting outfielder on the Stanford baseball team. (His freshman year he hit a home run in the College World Series.)

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Facebook updates:

November 17, 2009

Facebook updates of the day:

Jim Harbaugh is no longer friends with Pete Carroll.

USC and the BCS bowl games are no longer “in a relationship.”

Charlie Weis changed his relationship status with Notre Dame to “it’s complicated.”

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Coach Jim Harbaugh is taking some heat for his decision to go for a two-point conversion Saturday with Stanford leading 48-21. Guess it’s a good thing after the Cardinal went ahead 55-21 that they didn’t implement that onside kick plan.

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President Obama admitted during his trip to Asia, he has never used Twitter. Many Americans were shocked. Of course, no one expected that Vice President Joe Biden has used Twitter. There’s no chance he could get a thought down to 140 characters.

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How white is Sammy Sosa getting from that face cream? When asked about steroids he no longer speaks broken English, but he is saying that he doesn’t want to talk about the past.

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from Alex Kaseberg – to give you an idea how white Sosa is now, Sammy watched the entire broadcast of “The Country Music Awards.”

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Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams was fined $250,000 for an obscene gesture to Buffalo fans after his team’s win over the Bills. Well, at least that’s one bad thing that won’t happen this year to Al Davis.

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Of course, in Adams’ defense. He IS 86 years old. So maybe he was just trying to make the V for Victory sign, and couldn’t move his fingers.

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The University of Michigan admitted that football coach Rich Rodriguez failed to file the required NCAA forms tracking how much time his players spent on football including practice last year.. Well, I know rules are rules, but it’s not like any extra time did them any good.

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The way the Giants and Jets are playing, fans in New York are getting a glimpse of what it’s like to be Canadian Football League fans. Your season’s over before December.

Sarah Palin told Oprah that when John McCain first chose her as his running mate, she claims her biggest fear was that it would be exposed that she once got a D in a college course. And the last thing she wanted President Bush to think is that she was a braggart.

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And then there was one…. oops, two.

November 16, 2009

It looked like this Sunday night would see the ranks of the NFL unbeatens fall to one, the New Orleans Saints.

But then the New England Patriots made a surprising decision to go for a first down on fourth and two on their own 28 with a six point lead. Then a questionable, and unreviewed, spot of the football gave the Indianapolis Colts new life with two minutes to go. And they pulled out a 35-34 victory.

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So yet another controversial call goes in favor of an undefeated team. Is the NFL borrowing referees from the SEC?

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Despite another loss, this time to Pittsburgh, and a 6-4 record, Stewart Mandel of SI.com is still predicting a New Year’s Day bowl for Notre Dame. (Okay, so it’s the Gator Bowl, but it’s still worth about $2 million.)

But hey, the school has a reputation, and rich fans. If this projected Yankee Bowl comes to pass in the 2010 season, maybe the Fighting Irish could be permanent hosts?

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They’re still reeling down in Los Angeles. First the Rams, then the Raiders. Now with USC’s embarrassing drubbing at the hands of Stanford it’s looking like the city may have lost their last professional football team.

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It’s been quite a rough few weeks for USC. First a 47-20 loss to Oregon, then a 55-21 loss to Stanford. The last time anyone can remember things going this badly for the Trojans, a wooden horse was involved.

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“2012” was a huge winner at the box office, as apparently the idea of watching a major disaster movie appealed to a wide demographic. With the possible exception of moderate Republicans, who view it as a potential documentary should Sarah Palin run for the White House.

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Sarah Palin and her husband Todd married 7 1/2 months before their son Track was born. But Sarah now says she was “devastated” to find out her daughter was pregnant, as she didn’t even think Bristol was having sex. This from a woman who called President Obama “beyond naive?”
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What’s worse for Cowboys fans? A 17-7 loss to the Packers, that was a shutout until the game was almost over? Or the fact that they can’t blame this one on Jessica Simpson.

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The Who will be playing at halftime for the 2010 Super Bowl. Apparently they were suggested by Brett Favre, who thought the game should feature some young, modern acts.

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Actually, for fans who turn into the Super Bowl without paying much attention to the regular season, “Who Are You?” may be the reaction if they end up watching the Saints.

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The fall of Troy.

November 15, 2009

Stanford 55 – UCS 21. Today might have been the most embarassing day for USC football players since they got their SAT scores.

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Of course, many people know that Trojan defenses can be overrated. They’re called parents.

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Not to say that this year’s season has been a tragedy for Trojan fans. But this year’s season video may be marketed as a sequel to the Iliad.

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Apparently coach Pete Carroll and some Trojan fans weren’t too happy about Stanford’s decision to go for two leading 48-21, because they don’t believe in piling on. Right, I guess that means that 56-3 win over San Jose State opening week was the result of some players not getting the memo…

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USC fans are taking the loss to Stanford particularly hard because down in Los Angeles they don’t have a professional football team to look forward to watching on Sunday. And Northern California fans are saying, “dudes, have you seen the 49ers lately?”

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You heard it here first, what about USC-Notre Dame in the Emerald Bowl?

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The BCS system supposedly was created to stop controversy about the National Championship. And what could happen this year? As many as FOUR undefeated Divison 1 teams. (Either Florida or Alabama, TCU, Boise State, Cincinnati.) Well, glad we got that settled.

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One regular excuse used by the BCS to justify favoring SEC and Big 12 teams over other conferences is “strength of schedule.”

Yeah, well…may I present….

University of Louisiana-Monroe, University of Texas-El Paso

Charleston-Southern, Troy

Florida International, Chattanooga.

The above pairs of football “powerhouses” were scheduled as nonconference games by undefeated Texas, Florida and Alabama respectively. Guess the University of Phoenix was not available.

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A little embarrassing stuff

November 14, 2009

Sarah Palin’s new book, “Going Rouge,” is out. The perfect holiday gift for anyone who really liked George W. Bush, but thought he was just too intellectual.

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The NBA Nets lost again, bringing their early season record to 0 and 9. A record like that is almost as embarassing as being from New Jersey.

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And Cincinnati, a BCS team barely by virtue of being in the Big East, stayed unbeated against West Virginia, thereby further complicating the BCS National Championship game. “We are thrilled for the Bearcats,” said a BCS spokesman. Or at least we thought that’s what they said, words never come out that clearly through gritted teeth.

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Approaching Friday the 13th…

November 13, 2009

It hasn’t been a lucky month for the airlines. A pilot showed up to work drunk on United, pilots got distracted and lost on Northwest…. It’s enough to make people take their chances on Amtrak.

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Thursday night football has generally been a showcase for two good but not great college teams. Which might explain why the NFL started off their Thursday night schedule with the Bears vs. 49ers.

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As part of a “Go Green” program, NBC will have a pro-environmental message on five of its prime-time entertainment programs next week.

Actually, NBC has been the greenest of the major networks for some time now. When watching their shows, more people turn off the television.

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There’s got to be an updated way to start a rhetorical question beyond “If we can put a man on the moon why can’t we…” But until I can think of a new question “If we can put a man on the moon, why can’t a nice hotel find a supplier of alarm clocks that mere mortals can actually use?”

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Health insurance companies are urging their employees to fight healthcare reform. In related news, the New York Yankees are against a Major League Baseball salary cap.

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Three freshman football players from the University of Tennessee were arrested and charged with attempted armed robbery this week. One reason police were able to track them down, the alleged robbers were wearing Tennessee gear.

Yeah, let’s hear it again why we can’t have a college football playoff to help the players focus on academics.

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Boise State is selling stock in their athletic programs. $100 a share. No dividends, but shareholders will get a stock certifcate and be able to vote during board elections..

At this point the cash-strapped University of California is considering a similar program for their football team. But given the Bears’ recent disappointing performance, the offering would be considered junk bonds.

(this above joke may be substituted with Michigan, Notre Dame, or any other team any reader loves to hate.)

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Personal responsibility, ethics and other jokes.

November 12, 2009

So Carrie Prejean says she was “pressured” into having breast implants, and made a sex tape just to please a boyfriend. Now the former Miss California hopes Americans will buy her book where she talks about standing up for herself….

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Carrie Prejean says she’s been “Palinized,” and talked to Larry King about the “trials conservative women have to face.” Anybody beside me want to give Palin and Prejean a biography of Maggie Thatcher? Lesson one – “Don’t whine.”

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But maybe Larry King was just a little mesmerized by the former beauty pageant winner. He allegedly said afterwards that Prejean was the most impressive conservative woman he has interviewed since Carry Nation.

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Eliot Spitzer, the formerly disgraced, former Governor of New York, is now giving a lecture on ethics at Harvard. You know standards might be falling just a bit when ethical behavior means paying fair market value for a prostitute.

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But back to California, another of those stories you can’t make up – Damon Dunn, age 33, a former NFL player, is now running for Secretary of State. What’s one of the main jobs for the Secretary of State? Running elections. Mr. Dunn has never run for office before, but he says has voted, exactly ONCE. In 2009.

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Let’s see, Meg Whitman, running for Governor, admits to a voting record that is spotty at best. Carly Fiorina, running for Senate, has probably voted even less. And now Damon Dunn, running for Secretary of State, has voted exactly once. What’s the Republican plan here, saving money by eliminating ballots and returning to a Monarchy?

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Or perhaps Whitman, Fiorina and Dunn considering their lack of voting another example of the superiority of the private sector. Why vote when you can just buy the winners?

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Mike Tyson was arrested at Los Angeles International Airport for punching a photographer at the United Airlines ticket counter. Which was really surprising. Normally the only people who make people want to punch them at the airport work for the airlines.

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Major League Baseball has started announcing all their awards – Gold Gloves, MVPs, Cy Youngs, etc… Or as the New York Yankees call them – our shopping list.
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the next two are a little tacky. In case by some accident there are people with delicate sensibilities reading this blog. (Hah)

Carrie Prejean, dropped her lawsuit against the Miss California pageant when attorneys revealed an explicit video of Prejean performing solo sex acts. As Alex Kaseberg said “Let’s just say it looks like Prejean took it literally when pageant officials told her to go screw herself.”

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But maybe we should give Ms. Prejean the benefit of the doubt. She believes in traditional marriage. Which for a lot of people after a few years ends up meaning solo sex. Maybe it was a training video.

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Finally, back to sports from Bill Littlejohn. “Well, looking at Sammy Sosa’s skin lately, it’s obvious he’s still comfortable around the bleachers.”

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F is for Fiber….

November 11, 2009

Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street! Apparently Cookie Monster is celebrating with some Metamucil
wafers.

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Bad news for the Sesame Street 40th Birthday celebration. Apparently Oscar the Grouch showed up in his trash can, and accidentally got recycled.

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Of course, these days, the PC police might never have allowed Sesame Street to get started. Or if they did, it might be with “Gravitationally Challenged Bird,” and “Oscar the Socially Challenged.” Not to mention the “Fuzzy Blue Creature with an Eating Disorder.”

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Sesame Street got into some controversy after an episode referring to “Pox News” as a “trashy news show.” Fox took offense, but realistically, who would have thought anyone would refer to the network as having a “news show?”

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Sarah Palin just discovered that even at Fox News there are limits, when she implied that a liberal Democratic conspiracy was the reason that “In God We Trust” had been moved from the center to the side of U.S. Coins. Actually, the design change was approved by President George W. Bush.

Fox News fact-checked Palin’s statement, and called her on it. This might mark the first time that “Fox News” and “fact-check” appeared in the same sentence.

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The state of New York has reached an $875,000 settlement with CVS Pharmacy to stop sales of expired products — including medicine, baby formula and food. Just how out of date was some of this stuff? Some of the packs of gum contained Jamie Moyer rookie cards.

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This post-season was filled with umpiring errors, and what seemed like a record number of visits to the mound by New York catcher Jorge Posada. So at their annual meeting, MLB general managers brought up the subjects of instant replay and speeding up the game, and decided to do… absolutely nothing.

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Of course, when your World Series goes into November, maybe arguing over a few minutes extra per game seems a bit hypocritical.

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Bud Selig had stated he didn’t see “any reason to consider expanding: instant replay. And he didn’t see a problem with all Posada’s mound visits… eight in one INNING at one point. Of course, this could be because Selig and MLB at this point are wholly owned subsidiaries of the New York Yankees.
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In California, Senate candidate Carly Fioriana is already going after Barbara Boxer, without even mentioning her formidable Republican primary opponent, Chuck Devore. Not that it’s impossible for her to be nominated, but isn’t this like the 4-4 New York Jets discussing their strategy against New Orleans in the Super Bowl?

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Amateur football, college and otherwise…..

November 10, 2009

In their loss to the Tennessee Titans Sunday, the San Francisco 49ers committed four turnovers. Four turnovers??! About the only thing that didn’t get dropped was Mike Singletary’s pants.

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The University of Oregon has reinstated running back LeGarrette Blount, who punched a Boise State player, and was originally suspended for the season..

Blount’s first game back with the Ducks will be Saturday against Arizona State. Apparently there were several factors involved in the decision, including Blount’s apology, his recent good behavior, and just possibly, Oregon’s loss to Stanford.

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University of Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez makes about $2.5 million a year. Unversity of Michigan president Mary Sue Coleman makes about half a million a year. And the worst disparity…this year the University’s academic programs are still nationally ranked.

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Today’s BCS standings: Oregon at #16 after they lost 51-42 to Stanford, USC at 10 after they beat ASU 14-9. Both teams with two losses. Shame there aren’t any head to head matchup numbers… Oh wait, the Ducks beat the Trojans 47-20. And we wonder why the U.S. has a bad reputation with math.

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Young people have a limited sense of history these days. For example upon hearing that it was the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, many San Francisco area teenagers asked “Did Berlin use CalTrans to do their work too?”

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commie pinko alert.

Joe Lieberman is so against a “public option” that he may filibuster the healthcare bill. If he feels so strongly about it why doesn’t he take a principled stand and renounce his OWN government healthcare? And then buy a competitive plan for himself and his family from the private sector….

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It’s November, isn’t there a baseball game somewhere?

November 9, 2009

The U.S. Northwest has been hit by a major early snow storm this week. Or as Bud Selig calls it “Baseball weather.”

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Now that the New York Yankees have won a World Championship they intend to stay on top but have promised some responsibility in their free agent off-season signings. Which means they intend to keep their payroll under $300,000,000.

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For those who are still complaining about the weather with the World Series, pitchers and catchers report to spring training in less than 100 days, in mid-February. Of course none of those games are played further north than Arizona.

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Breckenridge, Colorado, has voted to legalize marijuana for adults 21 and over. Which gives San Franciso a few years to follow suit so they don’t lose Tim Lincecum as a free agent to the Rockies.
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What a couple weeks for the Green Bay Packers. First they lose to the oldest quarterback in the NFL, Brett Favre, then they lose to the youngest quarterback, Josh Freeman. Didn’t we already see this nightmare with the ghosts of Christmas Past and Christmas Future…. ?

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Stanford football is back in the the AP top 25 for the first time in eight years. But they are guaranteed not to stay in that place next week. Because they play USC. Who is ranked number 11. Which means either they score a huge upset, and jump up. Or lose and fall out of the rankings. But isn’t a number 25 team supposed to lose to a number 11 team. For that matter, a number 12 team is supposed to lose to a number 11 team. And they wonder why fans don’t trust the polls and the BCS system…

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For that matter, I generally don’t believe in conspiracies because it’s hard for even two people to keep a secret. Besides, with the rumored SEC referee conspiracy what would be the point? Helping a conference team stay undefeated and get into the championship game or at least a BCS bowl? The payout for those games, which gets shared with other conference teams, is only about $18 million. Oops…. Never mind.

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So the healthcare bill passed the House with one Republican vote. Which means calling it bi-partisan is like calling the Detroit Lions a winning team.

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Rachel Christie, Miss England, has had to give up her crown after a drunken bar fight with Miss Manchester. She is, however, entertaining offers to become either Miss Country Western Music or Miss World Cup.

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from the very funny Jim Barach…

President Clinton says he wishes there weren’t term limits on the presidency and that he would have preferred to be taken from the White House in a coffin. He forgets how close Hillary was to granting him that request.

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Seeing Eye Conference…

November 8, 2009

Once again, a SEC officials blew a call in a high profile football game. And once again, that blown call went in favor of an undefeated team. In this case Alabama, who beat LSU 25-14. (The call in question. an LSU cornerback who lost an interception when he was incorrectly ruled out of bounds.) In other conferences, some are speculating that it’s part of a SEC plot to make sure one of their teams stays undefeated, and thus can play in the Championship game.

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Besides “Seeing Eye Conference,’, other potential new names…

Severely Egregious Calls?

Seemingly Endless Conspiracies.

Simply Expecting Championships.

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But to be fair, the SEC is taking action. Coaches who complain about the officiating are now being fined

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Meanwhile, Stanford upset number 8 Oregon, 51 to 42. Thanks to Coach Harbaugh’s “hold them to six touchdowns” strategy.

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Meanwhile in Cincinnati, the undefeated Bearcats beat Connecticut 47-45. And sophomore backup quarterback Zach Collaros threw for 480 yards. Yes, 480. To put that in perspective, Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell has thrown for 1000 yards. For the year.

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Joseph Cao, a freshman Republican from New Orleans, was the only congressman to cross party lines and vote for the health care bill. It might be the first time in recent memory where a Louisiana politician made headlines, without the police or a sex scandal being involved.

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A post World Series thought from Bill Littlejohn about A-Rod’s paintings of himself hanging above his bed; guess he wants to be sure he is always the centaur of attention.

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Headline? Giants avoid high anxiety with Lincecum.

November 7, 2009

Good news for San Francisco fans. Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum will apparently not be disciplined by Major League Baseball for his marijuana arrest.

He pled guilty to possession of drug paraphenalia, without admitted he actually used the pipe. Which actually makes sense, possession not proving use. The SF Giants lineup in 2009 all were given a full supply of bats.

And as to those who say he was driving impaired… Let’s see, he was doing 74 in a 60mph zone. If he were really stoned, he would have been driving 15 mph. With one hand in a bag of Doritos.

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One thing you won’t probably hear in from Lincecum in an interview in future – “Put that in your pipe and smoke it.”

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Presumably Lincecum will be a little more careful or at least discreet in future. Wonder if his mound music will be “Last Dance with Mary Jane.”

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Today Manny Ramirez chose not to become a free agent and exercised his $20 million option with the Dodgers for 2010. As if that’s a surprise. Even the Yankees said “No thanks, we won’t waste the money.”

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Paying Manny Ramirez $20 millions after a year where he missed 50 games with a drug suspension, and performed mediocrely during the rest of the season and the postseason…. That’s got to be the most irritating money Dodgers owner Frank McCourt will pay ever out…well, until his divorce settlement.

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Republicans are criticizing President Obama’s decision not to attend the commemoration of the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall in Germany. And Newt Gingrich went so far as to say, “Some consider it an outrage, I consider it a tragedy.”

As opposed to the outrage and tragedy Gringrich would have said it was to jet off to Europe for a ceremony while the healthcare debate rages on and unemployment topped 10 percent.

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President Obama talked about his daughter Melia in a recent speech on education, and cited one of her test scores of 73. And George W. Bush called his father and said “When you were president why didn’t you ever brag about me like that?”

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A South Korean woman finally passed the written exam for a driver’s license on her 950th time. And millions of people around the world had the same reaction, “please don’t let her move to my street.”

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This last almost completely written by Marc Ragovin. Completely tacky. Wish I had first thought of the concept.

This World Series celebration did nothing to tone down A-Rod’s ego -now he really thinks of himself as a American hero. Especially since like Captain Sully, he finished the day in the Hudson.

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Baseball…beyond the World Series.

November 6, 2009

With the Yankees winning in six games, the World Series was finally completed November 5. The good news for Cubs’ fans. It’s less time to wait until “next year.”

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Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum was apparently caught smoking marijuana. This is the most shocking news since Adam Lambert announced he was gay.

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Does the arrest make Lincecum the acknowledged master of the high strike?

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Joe Giraldi wore number 27 as Yankees manager because he made it a goal to win the team’s 27th championship. This doesn’t always work out so easily. But it explains why Leo Durocher managing the Cubs always wore number 2.

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Yankees fans will tell you that the team won not because of money, but because of good management, team chemistry, hard work….. Yes, and the 65 year old men sitting in the box seats with 25 year old women will tell you the gals are with them because of their sparkling personalities.

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The Yankees’ victory parade will be November 13. Moving Bud Selig just a little closer to his goal of combining it with the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

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They expect record crowds to line the streets, mostly because most New Yorkers no longer have jobs to go to as an alternative.

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At least the parade will be free, which means it will also be the first chance most New Yorkers will have this year to see the team in person.

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Sometimes no punchline will do a story justice. The following is an AP story reported at sfgate.com link included to show I am not making it up.

An Ohio man dressed as a Breathalyzer test for Halloween found himself blowing into one after police stopped him for allegedly driving the wrong way without headlights on a one-way street. Oxford police said they stopped 20-year-old James P. Miller on Halloween night and found beer in his front seat and in the trunk.

Police said Miller blew 0.158 percent on a Breathalyzer test. He was cited on charges including operating a vehicle while intoxicated, underage possession of alcohol, having an open container and a fake ID, and a one-way street violation.

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As she kicked off her Senate campaign, Carly Fiorina criticized Washington by saying ‘What is it they are doing with all our money?” Funny, that’s the same thing shareholders said when she was in charge of HP.

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