Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

Vacations, probations, etc…

August 9, 2010

The First Lady is taking some heat for this trip to Spain with Sasha. But hey, her daughter is probably taking Spanish in school and Michelle wanted to take her somewhere where they speak the language.

Of course, the GOP would argue in that case it would have been cheaper just to go to Los Angeles.


All these Republicans complaining about the first lady’s European vacation…. I guess they feel the Obamas should act like a real American family and buy a multimillion dollar Texas ranch or Maine compound for their summer vacations.

This week a California company recalled over one million pounds of ground beef. Worried savvy consumers are flocking to Jack in the Box – it’s one place they can be assured there is no beef in those hamburgers.

The University of Tennessee is under investigation from the Lane Kiffin days for allegedly hiring attractive women to serve as hostess for recruits. Regarding these hostesses, there are pictures of them with players and recruits that have been widely circulated, yet, Kiffin says after practice at USC “that the investigation won’t find any wrongdoing.”

Yep, I can see why the Trojans thought he was a worthy successor to Pete Carroll.


-from reader T.C.

Plaxico Burress has applied for a work release from prison. No word on whether he plans on working for the Cincinnati Bengals or the Washington Wizards.


In the CFL (Canadian Football League) the Toronto Argonauts, with a history of being doormats, are actually 4 and 2. Which means maybe there’s hope for the NFL Detroit Lions? Okay, let’s not get carried away.


In the Little League World Series, not only will they be using instant reply, the managers will be allowed to challenge calls on force outs, tags, missed bases and hit batsmen. Well, it’s good to see baseball deciding to get the important games right.


The Chicago Cubs are coming to play the San Francisco Giants this week. Now, okay, I understand if you were born in Chicago and became a Cubs fan. But I have met many fans over the years from all over the U.S. who just adopted the Cubs as their team.

Why not just wear a t-shirt saying “I am a masochist.”


The New York Mets added a couple Triple-A players to their roster on Saturday, and released Alex Cora. But really, the way New York is playing, can we really refer to it as a call up from the minors? Seems more like a lateral move to me.


Bristol Palin said that the reason she ended her second engagement to Levi Johnston is that Levi was “obsessed with the limelight.” Added her mother Sarah, “Yeah, thats MY job.”


President Obama played basketball today with some current and former NBA stars in an exhibition game in Washington to entertain wounded troops. Apparently Obama had thought of giving them tickets to Washington Wizards games, but then decided that the troops had suffered enough.

Fear of failure?

August 8, 2010

Jerry Rice said at his Hall of Fame induction ceremony that “the fear of failure is the engine that has driven me throughout my entire life.” Because he just couldn’t live with the thought of being labeled a failure.

Well at least that we know that fear doesn’t affect anyone on the Cubs.


Most recently it was Kate Hudson, now it’s Cameron Diaz dating Alex Rodriguez. Considering what a shallow, self-centered egotist A-Rod seems to be, how bad must male actors be to make him look like good relationship material by comparison?

(Wait, don’t answer that.)


You think you had a bad day -how about this pitching line Friday night from losing Mets pitcher Bobby Parnell, who came in in the eighth with a 2-1 lead. 0 innings pitched, 4 hits, 4 runs, 4 earned runs. Yikes.


One day after the above Mets debacle, where New York ended up giving in 6 runs in the eighth, Johan Santana pitched into the eighth, and Mets manager Jerry Manuel went immediately to closer Francisco Rodriguez. The Mets won 1-0.

So for at least a day, filming was put off on “CSI- New York Bullpen.”


As Marc Ragovin said, “how dire are things getting for the Mets? Their games may soon be broadcast on the Emergency Broadcast Network.”


Despite a dismal past tenure, ranging from poor draft picks, to an $11 million dollar sexual harrassment settlement, to a horrible record as a coach, the New York Knicks have rehired Isiah Thomas as a consultant.

Who gets rehired with that kind of record? Re-elected, maybe.


The University of Tennessee’s football program is has now joined the list of those being investigated for major violations, mostly for incidents that happened under Lane Kiffin. Kiffin, now at USC, may set a record for coaching at the most schools put on probation before leading anyone to a bowl game.


At the University of Kentucky, rumors are swirling that star basketball recruit Anthony Davis was paid $200,000 to commit to the Wildcats. UK denies the allegations. And since their coach, John Calipari, only had his last two teams (Memphis and U Mass) have to forfeit their wins on his watch, who could doubt them?

Actually to be fair, $200,000 does sound like an unbelievable amount. For that much money Davis probably would have gone to USC.


Lebron James finally got around to thanking fans in Cleveland, a full month after “The Decision.” With that kind of disaster management, when he retires Lebron will surely have a job waiting for him at FEMA.

CEO Carly Fiorina, Chairwoman Patricia Dunn, CEO Mark Hurd…. So when did HP turn into BP?


Fed up with Franken’s facial gestures and eye-rolling, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell told Al Franken “this isn’t Saturday Night Live, Al.” Of course not, some of the stuff senators say with a straight face is far funnier.


Regarding Michelle Obama’s vacation, and the criticism she is facing from some conservatives. If she had said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Spain but decided that this year I stay close to home with Sasha because of the economy,” no doubt some would have condemned her for pessimism and putting a damper on the recovering travel industry.

Not exactly the “HP way to go!”

August 7, 2010

Carly Fiorina, the fired former CEO of HP, is now running for Senate in California because she wants to be the Republican version of Barbara Boxer. Does the latest news out of HP mean that Mark Hurd wants to be the Republican version of John Edwards.?


GOProud, which claims to be the “only national organization supporting gay conservatives, has announced their first annual party “Homocon.” And the event will be headlined by…. Ann Coulter?! Considering all the anti-gay statements Coulter has made, the party will likely be as well attended as a Lebron James pep rally in Cleveland.

Apparently Mark Hurd, the now former CEO of HP, was “caught” and forced to resign because he falsified expense reports to pay off a female contractor with whom he allegedly had a relationship. Excuse me, the guy made over $24 million in 2009 – he couldn’t have used cash?


Tacky time. I’ll say one thing for Carly Fiorina, when she screwed HP employees, she kept her clothes on.


Speaking of tacky,

Famous White House gatecrasher Michaele Salahi complained that being interviewed on “The View” was “horrific” and that they wanted to torture her. Not true. The only people “The View” tortures are their viewers.


USC cornerback T.J. Bryant had to have surgery on his left cheekbone Thursday after an altercation during a drill with a teammate. Guess maybe he should have chosen to play for the Fighting Irish.


The University of West Virginia football program is being investigated for “major violations,” many of which occurred under former coach Rich Rodriguez before he jumped to the University of Michigan. (where he is also now under investigation.)

Isn’t this like being responsible for your ex-wife’s debts? With the only silver lining being that she is dragging her new boyfriend into bankruptcy too.

The gift that keeps on giving…. While the San Francisco Giants are leading the NL wild card and are only a game out of first place in the NL West, it doesn’t mean it’s a painless season.

Like reading about the Minnesota Twins’ new ace, Francisco Liriano, who until he got roughed up tonight had been 4-0 since the All-Star break, with a 0.63 ERA while holding hitters to a .168 average.

Why does this hurt? For Giants fans who have repressed the memory, Liriano was a throw-in in the Joe Nathan deal, the one that brought the Giants A.J. Pierzynski.

From Alex Kaseberg: Newspaper circulations are at an all-time low. To show how low newspaper circulation is, in London they are eating fish and chips off of an Apple lap top.


And on an actual serious note – congratulations to former Stanford closer Drew Storen, who got his first major league save tonight. Against the Los Angeles Dodgers. Not a bad way to stay popular in the San Francisco area! .

Fast food and fast times…

August 6, 2010

A woman was found guilty of extortion for demanding millions of dollars from Rick Pitino to keep their “close encounter” in a restaurant secret. Pitino said the sex lasted “15 seconds” and was “unfortunate.”

The University of Louisville for now is sticking by their coach, though Pitino may lose endorsement contracts. On the other hand, he stands to pick up a new offer from “In and Out Burger.”

Taco Bell is introducing new “Cantina” tacos, which they say can compete with street tacos. Yeah, right, the only way anyone is going to get anything approaching real street tacos at Taco Bell is if one of those trucks is parked in their lot.

Singer Wyclef Jean has filed the paperwork to run for president of his native Haiti. Well, he has more political experience than Meg Whitman.

Just how crazy are some of the comments Sharron Angle has been making lately? Apparently even Sarah Palin is thinking of “refudiating” her.


From Bill Littlejohn: Repair crews in Boston will soon be busy addressing the Green Monster.And once Shaq gets fixed up, attention will be given to Fenway’s left field wall”


A number of billionaires, including Warren Buffett, Larry Ellison and Bill Gates, have pledged to donate half their wealth to charity. Said Meg Whitman, Jeff Greene and Mike Bloomberg, “Does spending it on running for office count?”


The University of Texas and Notre Dame have agreed to a four-game football series starting in 2015. This is going to be tough. For sports fans outside Texas and South Bend, Indiana, who do they hate and thus root for to lose more?

Despite mounting evidence against Lance Armstrong, many fans want to believe he was “clean.” Why is it so hard to believe that someone who has an inspirational story can’t also be a cheater? Hey, Bill Clinton grew up a poor kid with a widowed mom and abusive stepfather.

For Canadian readers: This is an unusual year for Toronto sports fans. This year it looks like the Argonauts may actually stay in playoff contention longer than the Blue Jays.

There are now rumors that Brett Favre sent sexy text messages to a young woman who worked as sideline reporter. Hard to believe, it’s not just that Favre is a married man, but if he were going to “sext” another woman, how would he decide which one?


Last thought for the night on Prop 8, direct quote from Judge Walker’s decision “Religious leaders may determine independently whether to recognize a civil marriage or divorce but that recognition or lack thereof has no effect on the relationship under state law.” Separation of church and state?! What a concept. This could catch on.

Lies, damn lies, and propositions….

August 5, 2010

An open question to all those in favor of Prop 8. Can any gay couple make more of a mockery of the idea of marriage than Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston?

Semi serious note: I just don’t see why conservatives oppose gay marriage. Leave the moral and fairness issues aside and let’s talk money. Married couples pay higher tax rates. And weddings – including the reception and gifts – are expensive, which boost the state economy and bring in more sales tax. More sales tax revenue equals less need for raising income taxes.


Brett Favre now said Wednesday that he hasn’t decided on retirement, and the decision won’t be about money. Too bad, otherwise there is a chance we could pay him to go away.


Alex Rodriguez hit his 600th home run today. “That’s really awesome” said absolutely no one outside New York.


Two women have been charged with misdemeanors for a fight that led to a brawl during a Southern California kindergarten graduation ceremony.
I guess we can expect felonies when their daughters try out for cheerleading.

Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth skipped yet another conditioning test and still isn’t allowed to practiced. Haynesworth hasn’t blown off this many tests since he was at the University of Tennessee.

Rudy Giuliani’s daughter was arrested for shoplifting in New York. It will be interesting to see how Rudy ties this to 9/11.

In San Francisco, federal authorities today announced the a number of arrests, and seizure of more than 200,000 counterfeit retail items valued at $100 million, in one of the largest such busts ever in Caliifornia, The retailers, many near Fisherman’s Wharf, had been selling Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Chanel labeled items, for a fraction of the cost of the real thing

Local reaction was mixed. 25 percent said the arrests wer warranted, 25 percent said they were unnecessary, and 50 percent said they wished they had known the names of the stores earlier.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says testing players for HGH is about the “integrity of the game.” When a player can be suspended for steroids and go to the Pro Bowl in the same season I would ask “What integrity of the game?”

Happy Birthday to Barack Obama. Wonder what the over-under was on conservative commentators who both wished him a happy day and once again brought up the issue of his birth certificate? (Open note to all doubters – if he had faked being born in the U.S., trust me, Hillary would have proved it.)

Meg Whitman said today “In all likelihood I will vote no on Prop. 23,” (the climate change law suspension proposition.) Actually given Whitman’s past history, the first six words of her statement would have been newsworthy enough.

Cha-cha-changes…

August 4, 2010

Airlines are already starting to gather “Secure Flight” data, and as of November 1, you won’t be able to get on a plane without divulging your date of birth, full legal name, and gender. I see a lawsuit coming in San F-Francisco. The gender box only has two choices.



Lady Gaga says that she thinks having sex saps creativity. Well, that certainly would explain all those incredibly intricate and imaginative new video games.

(It also explains some of the amazing things at Comic-Con.)


Morrie R. Yohai, the inventor of Cheez Doodles snack, has died at the age of 90. In his honor, all the pallbearers will dye their fingers orange.

Rough night for ESPN. Brett Favre retired again, A-Rod is still stuck on 599, and Lebron James wrote an open letter of thanks to fans in Akron but not Cleveland. The network had so much to cover they barely had time to read the scores.


Brett Favre will apparently announce later today that he is retiring again. Yeah, well and Larry King has said “forsaking all others” a few times too.

Brad Childress is dismissing reports of Brett Favre’s latest retirement, saying he has to hear it “from the horse’s mouth.” Considering all the time sports fans and reporters have spent waiting around on Favre, I’m not sure the mouth is the first part of the horse they associate with him.


Super Bowl-winning quarterback Kurt Warner will apparently be the next former athlete to compete on “Dancing with the Stars. As opposed to Brett Favre who may appear on a show with Lebron James, titled “Dancing with the Decision.”


Okay, the betting question of the night. Which will last longer? Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety? Or Brett Favre’s retirement?


Lebron James took out a full page ad thanking the fans in Akron for their support over the years, but he doesn’t mention Cleveland at all. Another proud graduate of the BP School of Public Relations


In China they are developing a huge catamaran inspired bus that can drive OVER cars. As opposed to San Francisco where Muni drivers just try to drive through them.

Meg Whitman is likely to spend $150 million of her own money to run for Governor in California. And she may still lose. If this politics thing doesn’t work out she has at least proved herself uniquely qualified to take over the New York Mets.

Dog days…

August 3, 2010

August begins baseball’s “dog days of summer” – when exhaustion is creeping in for most players, but the pennant races are heating up. Which means fans of contending teams can face agonizing games with high hopes and crushing disappointments.

And in Chicago, the unofficial motto now is “August at Wrigley Field – one of the most stress-free experiences in baseball.”

Ozzie Guillen is making waves, again, by saying that baseball should provide translators for Latino players like they routinely do for Asian players.

But why stop there? Heck, with translators most Americans could have actually understood George W. Bush. And politicians running in the general elections could find one translator for conservative groups and one for liberals. That way they wouldn’t have to come up with two different speeches.

The Pac 10 is going to change their name to the Pac 12, so as new commissioner Larry Scott says, the conference can be “mathematically correct.” The commish’s next task, explaining to USC players what “mathematically correct” means.

Quarterback Jeremiah Masoli was expelled from his first high school, and kicked off the University of Oregon team for repeated run-ins with the law, most recently driving on a suspended license and possessing marijuana. He just transferred to Mississippi, which was rated #5 on the top ten list of party schools. What could possibly go wrong?

Mitch Miller died today at the age of 99. His last wish was to be buried in a round, rubber coffin, so mourners could “follow the bouncing ball.”

California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman has suddenly started changing her positions on a several issues, from immigration, to climate change, to state furloughs. She said the timing has nothing to do with the fact she is now running a general election campaign, but that because she didn’t vote or pay attention until recently, it took her until now to learn how to act like a politician.


A survey said cat owners are 40 percent less likely than the public at large to die of heart attacks. But the same benefit is not found from owning a dog.

This could be for one of two reasons – first, that cats are just inherently soothing creatures. Second, that cat owners know that if if the backup plan is counting on a cat for heroism, you had better stay healthy.


just asking…….

An increasing number of conservatives want to update the 14th amendment to deny “birthright citizenship,” because they feel that the constitution should adapt to the modern immigration problem. In that case can we also look at the modern murder problem, and consider updating the 2nd amendment while we’re at it?

A new broom…

August 2, 2010

The SF Giants swept the Dodgers for the first time in San Francisco in six years. How bad are things going for the Dodgers. The loudest people yelling “Dodgers Suck” are calling into Los Angeles talk radio.


The New York Mets had their Mets Hall of Fame induction ceremony for Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry today, and then went out and lost 14 to 1. Maybe they should have had Gooden and Strawberry suit up?.

Stuart Appleby won the Greenbrier Classic tournament today with a PGA record-tying round of 59. This was only the fifth round of 59 ever in PGA first, but the second in 2010. (The last golfer to shoot 59 before 2010 was David Duval in 1999.)

So this year, golf scores are falling like Tiger Woods endorsement contracts.

A CHP video apparently showed Sacramento basketball star Tyreke Evans driving 120-130 mph on California Interstate 80 . Locals are shocked…. you can find room to drive that fast on I-80?

Former Oregon quarterback Jeremiah Masoli was suspended and then kicked off the team for a variety of infractions, ranging from pleading guilty to misdemeanor second-degree burglary, to being arrested after a traffic stop for marijuana possession and driving on a suspended license.

Masoli is now attempting to walk on at Old Miss. Apparently he feels the school and program offer him the best option to start over. And it’s the SEC- where to be suspensioned, you really need a conviction for a felony.


Coach Houston Nutt has indicated he’s giving Nutt a chance because he really believes in the young man. That and because the Running Rebels had been picked to finish last in the SEC.


The rich get richer department: The New York Yankees, with their $200 million powerhouse lineup, picked up Lance Berkman at the trade deadline. Really? The Yankees needed another hitter like Tiger Woods needed another mistress.


Or for those who remember: The Yankees need another high priced hitter like Imelda Marcos needed another pair of shoes.

Sarah Palin’s latest book is titled “America by Heart.” The subtitle presumably, “Except what you need to write on your palm to remember.”

One wedding…and a potential funeral.

July 31, 2010

The wedding, of course, was Chelsea Clinton’s. The potential funeral, Levi Johnston’s, now that Mama Grizzly has heard embarassing stories leak about TWO ex-girlfriends he apparently got back together with between engagements to Bristol.

Chelsea Clinton’s wedding was beautiful and touching. Not only did Hillary do the typical mother-of-the-bride crying, apparently Bill cried too. Right during the part where the minister said “If anyone knows of a reason why the couple should not wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

He was crying that no one spoke up when he married Hillary.


One of Tiger Woods’ alleged mistresses, porn star Joslyn James, referred to another of the golfer’s alleged mistresses as “an embarrassment.” We knew Tiger was at least at one time the greatest golfer in the world, but he may have pulled off a more difficult feat – making Bill Clinton look like he had classy taste in women.


Hillary Clinton wore an Oscar de la Renta gown at Chelsea’s wedding. Apparently no designer mother-of-the-bride pantsuits were available.

For everyone tired of all the hype regarding Chelsea Clinton’s wedding, there may be some silver lining in the Levi Johnston paternity story. We’re a lot less likely to go through this all again with Bristol Palin.


Actually, the rumors are that the on-again, off-again Palin-Johnston engagement is off, again. Even Brett Favre is saying “Kids, make up your minds.”


Before the trade deadline the Yankees picked up Kerry Wood. Who pronounced himself thrilled to be heading to the Bronx, and ready to be injured for the post-season.


The Seattle Mariners set a franchise record by losing 22 games in July. (Even with the All-Star break.) The only team with a worse record this month… BP’s PR department.


No wonder there are worries about consumer spending and the recovery: The New York Yankees added only $4.8 million to their payroll at the trade deadline.


From Bill Littlejohn : On Friday night against the Cubs, the Rockies set a record with 11 straight hits.They broke the record held by Michael Phelps on his bong”

No crime or misdemeanor?

July 30, 2010

The Portland Police decided not to file charges against Al Gore in the alleged 2006 sexual assault case. They cited deficiencies in the masseuse’s story, lack of forensic evidence, and the near impossibility of getting a 12 person jury to imagine Gore as a “crazed sex poodle.”


Tom Brady says he would like to pay another 10 years, until he’s 43. “Quitting so young? scoffed Brett Favre.


With Tim Tebow’s new deal with Jockey as an underwear model, maybe we’ll finally get an answer to that age old question.. .WWJW? As in “What would Jesus wear?” (Boxers or briefs?)


Where is Saturday Night Live when you need them? As in the ESPN spoof I want to see… Alex Rodriguez is still stuck on 599 home runs, and Generalissmo Francisco Franco is still dead.


After 10 plastic surgery operations, Heidi Montag has filed for divorce from Spencer Pratt. Her alleged reason? He doesn’t appreciate “the real me.”


Washington manager Jim Riggleman says he will employ a “closer by committee” strategy after the team traded Matt Capps for prospects. This is a relatively new concept for the Nationals — having games to close.


A snarky but funny comments from Gary Morton regarding my post about the Bristol Palin-Levi Johnston saga, where Levi’s ex-girlfriend may be pregnant with his child, but she doesn’t know which of three guys it is…. “What, she couldn’t read the names on the back of their jerseys (as they sprinted from her trailer)?

Sarah Palin criticized President Obama for going on “The View.” I guess she feels like he should spend his time on more important things, like taking his family camping with Kate Gosselin.


Bill Clinton today, in talking about Chelsea’s wedding and her potential dress, said he doesn’t remember what Hillary wore during their wedding. Makes sense, he hasn’t remembered his vows either.

On “The View,” President Obama admitted he didn’t know who “Snooki” was. That’s okay, on “Jersey Shore” Snooki admitted she didn’t know who President Obama was.

Two men were arrested at Citi Field during the Mets-Diamondbacks game after they jumped onto the field carrying Mexican flags to protest of Arizona’s immigration law. Fans were actually rather supportive of their efforts. In fact, a majority felt that we should leave Mexican workers alone, and just deport the Mets.

“Northern Overexposure,” renewed for another season.

July 30, 2010

So the “Northern Overexposure” show continues. Soon after the announcement that Bristol Palin is re-engaged to her ex-fiance, and father of her child, Levi Johnston, is facing a paternity test from an ex-girlfriend. Apparently the two reconnected during the time Bristol and Levi were not seeing each other.

The young woman says she “thinks” Levi is the father, but is “extremely embarrassed” because she doesn’t know.

Apparently there are at least three potential dads here. Who knew Levi and Bristol’s potential reality show might be an Alaskan remake of “Mama Mia.”


And okay, what kind of idiot gets a girl accidentally pregnant, and then doesn’t use condoms? (I never knew Levi had NBA aspirations.)


A friend posted this quote today. “We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.” — Robert Wilensky, 1996

On the other hand, they do a good job of reproducing the collective tweets of Sarah Palin.

Poor ESPN. What are they to do? For a lead story on every edition of Sportscenter they won’t be able to decide between updates on A-Rod being stuck on 599 home runs, and Stephen Strasburg disabled list updates….


Regarding President Obama’s appearance on “the View,” give the guy a little credit for being aware of popular culture. They asked former President George W. Bush what he thought of the View and he replied “I liked the one of the Rose Garden best.”


Terrell Owens apparently arrived too late and missed his flight to Cincinnati last night. Well, T.O. may or may not still be able to get past NFL safeties, but clearly he’s no match for Delta gate agents.


An investigation has shown that as many as 6600 graves at Arlington National Cemetery may have been unmarked or mismarked. So apparently they should have been referring to the Tombs of the Unknown Soldiers.

Federal agents in Fresno say they have arrested 100 people in an operation which netted over $1.7 billion worth of pot in Central California. In related news, sales of Doritos in the Fresno area have fallen 50 percent.


Buck Showalter was hired today as manager of the Orioles. Well, at least he won’t have to worry about any more criticism for managing badly during the playoffs.

(while Showalter has done well with teams in the past, none of them have won the World Series, and two won it the year AFTER he left.)

Meg Whitman has said if elected she will run California like she ran Ebay. For starters, instead of an expensive re-election campaign, she’ll just implement a “Buy-it-Now” button.


According to a recent poll, apparently Meg Whitman’s expensive commercials are largely being tuned out by California voters. Well, if this governor thing doesn’t work out, she may have a job waiting for her as director of programming for NBC.

Color me fined?

July 29, 2010

Brian Wilson, the SF Giants All-Star Closer, was fined $1000 for wearing the orange shoes he wore during the All-Star game during the regular season. Apparently the shoes were “too flashy,” and “distracting.”

Let’s hope the MLB fashion police never show up at A T and T Park on Friday night. (When the team ALL has been wearing bright orange jerseys.)


Actually Wilson violated one of baseball’s cardinal rules. The only time a player is allowed to wear anything colorful and or ridiculous is if that part of the uniform is fully licensed by MLB for sales to the public. (Anyone remember those Fourth of July caps, for starters?)

Scary thought, Lindsay Lohan has now done more jail time than any Goldman Sachs executive.


Bad month for the latest former USC star named O.J. First the school strips him from the basketball record books, now today he was cut from Team USA. Guess O.J. just couldn’t convince coaches to hold the Mayo.


The SF Giants won on a 10th inning walkoff hit, have won 17 of their last 21 games, and Buster Posey is on a 21 game hitting streak (one short of the team rookie record set by Willie McCovey.) Meanwhile, the lead story at ESPN, A-Rod remains stuck on 599 home runs.


ESPN decided to pull an unflattering profile of Lebron James shortly after it was published on their website today. Apparently the story didn’t come close to making Lebron look as bad as “the Decision.”


Anyone want to lay odds on what marriage of egos will collapse first? James, Bosh and Wade with the Heat? Or T.O and Ochicinco with the Bengals? Even Larry King has commented that it’s going to be tough for those relationships to last.


From Bill Littlejohn: “Florida’s Chris Coughlan is on the disabled list after injuring himself while throwing a pie in the face of teammate Wes Helms during a celebration.Looks like the Marlins have gone from fire sales to Soupy Sales”

The Governor of New Jersey has slammed “Jersey Shore” as a negative for the state. Can’t wait to see what he says this season about the Nets.


The news from London, BP is firing their CEO Tony Heyward and sending him to work on a joint venture in Russia. And President Medvedev responded “Wait a minute, what about our mutual non-aggression policy?”

Republicans are worried about the release of former President George W. Bush’s memoirs, titled “Decision Points,” right around the November elections. Democrats just hope that for their party the memoirs turn out to be a thousand points of delight.


Republicans claim that the new Democratic National Committee strategy of trying to tie the GOP to the Tea Party is “political quackery.” Well, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…

Dignity, what dignity?

July 28, 2010

Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell criticized Barack Obama for agreeing to appear on “the View” because he feels “there should be a little bit of dignity to the presidency.” Right, after George W. Bush who gave the German Chancellor a neck rub, and Bill Clinton, who, well, do we really need to go there…?-

The scandal continues in Bell, California, where top city officials were paid hundreds of thousands a year while the small town cut services and low-wage jobs. Normally the only people who are that overpaid in Southern California have signed long-term contracts with the Dodgers.

(or are named Lane Kiffin)

Lane Kiffin said he was surprised that the Titans are suing him over his stealth hiring of their former assistant coach, saying “I didn’t anticipate this. No one would have.” Sounds like the Trojans found a true successor to Pete Carroll.

But let’s see here, seriously, Carroll alleges he was perhaps the only person in the world who didn’t know that USC was probably going on probation for recruiting violations. Kiffin now says he might have been the only person in football who didn’t realize he was committing several violations in hiring Kennedy Pola from the Titans.

So is it time to change the name of the school to University of the Seriously Clueless?


Despite his mother’s having paid an “Unaccompanied Minor” fee, a 9 year old boy travelling from SF was forgotten in a children’s waiting room at O’Hare for almost 8 hours when no one came to pick him up for his Chicago Ottawa flight. Is this what United calls a “minor” problem?


No word on the rumor that United’s Airline’s alleged first response was “You paid an unaccompanied minor fee…we left him unaccompanied.”


Baseball players already face derision from players of other sports as not being “real athletes.” While I would disagree with that assessment, it would help if players would avoid injuries while doing things like putting on their shirts and hitting teammates with shaving cream pies.


Meanwhile on a more serious note, this year, all NFL team locker rooms with have a poster saying that players should report concussions or symptoms, and warning that repeated concussions “can change your life and your family’s life forever.” How about a simpler and more to the point message? “Playing football is hazardous to your health.”

But okay, once again, who came up with the baseball statistic “Quality Start?” (6 or more innings, 3 or less earned runs.) That’s a 4.50 ERA folks. It’s like saying .250 is a “Quality Batting Average.”

Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin are apparently going to go on a camping trip to be filmed for an episode of Kate’s new TLC reality show. Wonder what the episode will be titled? “Dumb and Dumber” has already been taken. (My friend Michael Duca suggests, “Twit and Twitter.)

Ohio State University says former football star Maurice Clarett has been granted admission again to complete his degree after he spent more than three years in prison.

Things will be a little different on campus for the man who once led the Buckeyes to a national championship….wonder if anyone’s told him yet about books and classes.

A whole of lot of bad sports

July 27, 2010

President Obama will appear on “the View” Thursday. And he thought he had a hard time getting a word in edgewise with Joe Biden….


On Monday, Despite rumors that BP CEO Tony Hayward was on his way out, a company spokesman said “Tony Hayward remains our chief executive and has the full support of the board and senior management.” Guess the translation was- “We’re still working out the severance package.”

Two former University of Memphis basketball players were arrested this weekend, after a routine traffic stop showed the driver had a suspended license, and police found both marijuana and a loaded gun in the car. Say what you want about the Memphis program, but they do seem to produce players who are NBA ready.

Dallas Cowboys rookie Dez Bryant basically refused to take part in the team’s regular hazing ritual of carrying a veteran’s shoulder pads after practice, and said he is “focusing on catching passes, not rookie rituals.”

Well, we don’t know how he’ll do with catching passes, but he’s done a nice job of painting a bullseye on his own back.

The Cincinnati Bengals are apparently trying to work out a contract with Terrell Owens to have him join Chad Ochocino on the team. One of the potential sticking points…. would T.O. and Ochocino together put the Bengals over the NFL’s ego cap

The Tigers’ Magglio Ordonez and Carlos Guillen just joined the team’s already packed disabled list. Disappointed Detroit sports fans are thinking, well, it’s almost football season. Er, scratch that, when does the NHL start?


How expensive have California politics become? Even billionaire Jeff Greene had to move out of state and switch parties to run for the Senate. (Greene ran for Congress as a Republican in 1982, but moved out of state two years ago and is now running as a Democrat in Florida.)

Continental Airlines is testing “self-boarding” at Houston airport, whereby passengers just swipe a boarding pass at a kiosk and get on the plane without dealing with a human agent. And given the travel manners of the average American, what could possibly go wrong?


British Airways is going to set up the “first sustainable jet-fuel plant in Europe.” The plant will actually make fuel out of waste, including leftover uneaten and/or inedible food. Well, they won’t have any problem finding plenty of that in England.

Here we go again. Now in Philadelphia two Drexel University basketball players are facing armed robbery charges. If these student athletes wanted to make money in college so badly, why didn’t they just go to USC?

Barry Zito, $18 million a year, and at least a mediocre quality start tonight, Aaron Rowand, $12 million a year and an actual (fan-aided) homerun plus a single. Edgar Renteria, $9 million a year….and 0-5 with 3 strikeouts. Well, two out of three ain’t as bad as usual.


Howard Dean charged Fox News with being racist. Not so, replied a Fox News spokesman, We aren’t racist, we hate all liberals equally.


Tea Party members are fond of saying “Taxation is theft.” So when do they start refusing all government benefits as gifts of stolen property?

Vegas, the Cubs and other fantasies

July 25, 2010

Latest trend in Las Vegas, all-day “All You Can Eat” buffet passes. Thereby helping ensure, “what happens in Vegas stays on your hips.”


Cher is headlining again in Las Vegas. I don’t want to say her face looks a little tight, but even Nancy Pelosi commented, “that woman has had too much work done.”


Another thought on Cher? Not to say she has had a lot of plastic surgery. But it may have taken more work to get her to look like she does not, than to turn her daughter Chastity into a dude..


Latest trend in Las Vegas – 24 hour “All You Can Eat” buffet passes. Thereby helping ensure “What happens in Vegas, stays on your hips.”


Saturday night in Las Vegas was a Justin Bieber concert. You have to figure that for any adult man at the show not with his daughter(s), bouncers should have run them through a sex offenders registry.


The opening line in 2010, meaning “betting odds” on the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series was 5 to 1, it’s now at 40 to 1. Who knows what it will be in 2011? For Cubs fans, it’s become sort of the betting equivalent of putting money with Bernie Madoff.


After Lane Kiffin hired away a Titans assistant without the standard courtesy call to the team first, Tennessee coach Jeff Fisher said he was “very disappointed in the lack of professionalism on behalf of Lane.” Which means until now Fisher might have been the only person in America who thought Kiffin had ANY professionalism.


Alex Rodriguez, an admitted steroids user, is closing in on this 600th home run. And in Paris, the Tour de France crowned another champion amidst clouds of suspicion that darken every year. It’s enough to make sports fans for the purity and honesty of pro-wrestling.

After Friday’s SF Giants win, Henry Schulman of the SF Chronice wrote: “Manager Bruce Bochy gave Buster Posey a night off Friday and guess what? Planets did not collide, animals did not start talking in tongues, and the Giants did not lose.

But to be fair, they were playing the Arizona Diamondbacks.


Colorado pitcher, Ubaldo Jiminez, who started off the year with a 0.78 ERA in April and May, has a 5.67 ERA in June and July. This might be the fastest anyone’s stock has fallen since Lehmann Brothers.

Major League Baseball has announced the first testing for HGH – Human Growth Hormone. But the tests will apply only to minor league teams. “Aren’t we suffering enough?”, responded the Baltimore Orioles.

Weekend games

July 24, 2010

The latest “It’s all about me getting to play with my friends” whine comes from Chris Paul, currently of the New Orleans hornets.

Forget the salary cap, maybe what the NBA needs is an ego cap.

Just heard today that Comic-con has actually been going on since 1970. Scary. That means some of these people have actually met and mated.


Lou Pinella is the latest manager who will be at least temporarily retiring after being with the Chicago Cubs. Makes sense, aren’t Cub years the equivalent of Dog years?


The San Francisco Giants may soon give Dontrelle Willis a chance in their bullpen. They’re hoping D-Train hasn’t permanently left D-Station.


The Barry Bonds perjury trial has been postponed again, this time until at least 2011. By the time they finally bring this case to court the only performance enhancing drug Bonds will be using is “Metamucil.”


The U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame announced the election of three more players yesterday. Oddly enough, three is the average number of Americans on a given day who visit the U.S. Hockey Fall of Fame.


India has announced a new $35 computer designed especially for students. Well, they already had free local tech support.


Manager Bruce Bochy of the San Francisco Giants, after his team moved into the lead for the NL Wild Card “We can’t be peeking at the scoreboard in July.” To which Arizona Diamondbacks manager Kirk Gibson no doubt replied, “We don’t need to.”

A study published in “Environmental Health” magazine links cleaning products to a higher risk of breast cancer. Another reason a messy house is good for you!


France soccer coach Laurent Blanc will suspend all 23 players on the team for one game next match as punishment for their embarrassing performance last month. So that means in the next match, none of the team that travelled to South Africa will be playing. Which is different from the World Cup how?


from reader T.C.

“We saw the great Tim Wakefield live in Oakland this week. I’ve never seen slow motion replay actually used in a real game.”

And from Alex Kaseberg:

An audio tape with a racist rant from Mel Gibson to his ex-girlfriend was leaked to the Internet; in the tape, Gibson behaves so badly he was named an honorary FIFA World Cup referee.

Sports and other distractions.

July 23, 2010

One of the University of California’s top football recruits, Chris Martin, has decided to transfer to Florida. Apparently he says being at Cal would have meant too many distractions – like classes.


As the list of players and schools grows in the NCAA investigation of that big agent-sponsored Memorial Day party at the Fountainebleau hotel in Miami, one common refrain is emerging from all of those protesting innocence – “I did NOT take my talents to South Beach.”

Now New Orleans point guard Chris Paul wants to be traded to the New York Knicks so he can play with Amare Stoudemire and someday Carmelo Anthony. So when exactly did the NBA become a bunch of guys choosing sides on the playground?


But to be fair to Paul, maybe he just feels New York would offer him a more exciting atmosphere, while still avoiding all that playoff pressure.


Bristol Palin told US Weekly that her mother is not happy about her upcoming marriage. So any day now expect to read this Shakespearian tweet – “How sharper than a grizzly’s tooth to have a thankless child. You betcha.”


The bat that Pete Rose used to get his final hit sold at auction for only $158,776. Rose was pretty upset. The all-time MLB hit leader had long ago sold the bat, but had bet it would go for at least $200,000.


First Lady Michelle Obama went to an Orioles game in Baltimore to pitch her childhood obesity “Let’s Move” campaign. Said Baltimore fans “Sounds like a great idea, just how far away can we move this team?”


Palo Alto’s Jeremy Lin signed a two year contract with the Golden State Warriors. Okay, let’s be real – a couple weeks ago most people would have said that you would be more likely to see a basketball fan in Cleveland still wearing a Lebron jersey, than to see an Asian-American point guard from Harvard in the NBA.


The Beach Boys may reunite for a 50th anniversary tour. Of course now all their “California Girls” have become the “Little Old Ladies from Pasadena.”

A United flight hit sudden turbulence resulting in passengers being thrown around the cabin. It was the third United plane to experience such a sudden drop this year. The airline is now apparently in negotiations with Six Flags to turn the experience into a paid thrill ride.


BP admitted Thursday that they have removed another substantially altered photo on their Gulf of Mexico oil disaster website. The company added that they have now told their contract photographers not to do any more Photoshopping on the site.

So what did the these photographers do before hiring on at BP? Work with supermodels?

The real criteria for being a BCS conference…?

July 22, 2010

It’s beginning to look like…do you have bribe-worthy players?

Alabama coach Nick Saban is plenty upset about all the recent stories of NCAA investigations due to behavior by sports agents. In fact, he questioned during SEC media days, that how were some of these agents “any better than a pimp?”

Saban’s comments immediately drew fire, from insulted pimps.


So USC is returning their copy of Reggie Bush’s Heisman trophy, but not their copy of O.J. Simpson’s trophy. Apparently killing two people pales in comparison to the far greater crime of getting the Trojans put on probation.


Tiger Woods’ endorsements are apparently down about $22 million this year. So okay, to be real, most advertisements are really selling sex, or the lure of having sex. But apparently there can be too much of a good thing?


Final Jeopardy question tonight.

Who is the only U.S. president who actually has degrees (not honorary degrees,) from both Harvard and Yale.)


Sarah Palin likes to refer to many of her chosen November candidates as “Mama Grizzlies.” Is this the best idea? Don’t grizzlies go into hibernation and disappear around November?


The latest potential Palin-Shakespeare colloboration? “Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well,, or at least I could see him regularly from my house.”


Or perhaps on the Johnson-Palin family feud’ Two households, both alike in selling their dignity. In fair Wasilla where we lay our scene…”

Nevada Senate candidate Sharron Angle has proposed phasing out Social Security and Medicare, reinstating Prohibition, and getting rid of fluoride in drinking water. She also says she believes she gains very little from conducting interviews with the “mainstream media.” Okay, on that I agree with her.


After the Twilight Zone game on Tuesday night, Dodgers manager Joe Torre had to serve a one-game suspension Wednesday against the Giants. But I heard he left a nice new copy of the MLB rulebook in the dugout.


An actual serious question (yes, once in a while, why not?) I know sometimes passengers need to move around. But after yet another incident where sudden, severe turbulence resulted in a number of injuries aboard a United Airlines plane, why does ANYONE still sit in their airline seat with their seatbelt off?


And back to jokes. This was the third United flight that dropped suddenly due to turbulence since February. United Airlines denies rumors that they are in negotiations with Six Flags to charge passengers extra for future “Drop Zone” flight experiences.


This joke inspired by one from my friend Jerry Perisho.

A independent state Assembly candidate in Wisconsin had her ballot statement rejected by elections officials as being too disgusting.

What, did she refer to herself as “still a Brett Favre fan?”

(Jerry’s joke, “Cheesehead” wasn’t bad enough?_ And for really curious readers, google the story, her five word statement was a stupid racial slur, and doesn’t bear repeating.)

Giants-Dodgers, and other episodes of the Twilight Zone.

July 21, 2010

Part of Major League Baseball Rule 8.06 “A manager or coach is considered to have concluded his visit to the mound when he leaves the 18-foot circle surrounding the pitcher’s rubber.” Never heard that rule before? Neither had acting Dodgers manager Don Mattingly.

(for anyone who didnt see tonight’s Giants-Dodger game. A manager is allowed only one visit to a pitcher per inning, the second visit means you must remove your pitcher… Mattingly, who was managing only because Joe Torre and the bench coach had been ejected, came out to speak to his closer with the bases loaded, left the mound, remembered something, and went back briefly. Giants manager Bruce Bochy saw it, told the umpires, and they had no choice but to make him change pitchers. The new pitcher had very little time to warm up, and gave up the game winning hit.)


And yes, I know, a couple readers have to be thinking… the infield fly rule is bad enough.)

The Dodgers have lost six in a row and this divorce between Frank and Jamie McCourt is really getting ugly. Each of them are demanding the other take custody of the team.


Most amazing thing about the weirdest Giants-Dodgers game in recent memory Tuesday night? Manny Ramirez wasn’t even involved.

(The Dodgers placed Manny on the 15 day disabled list today. To be fair, he’s got to be getting close to his third trimester.)


USC is returning their copy of Reggie Bush’s Heisman trophy to the Heisman trust. I don’t see why…it was certainly bought and paid for.

You cannot make this stuff up. An convicted felon was stopped by the CHP on a Bay Area highway Sunday and was arrested after he allegedly got into a gun battle with officers using some of his large arsenal.

The man is now telling police he wanted to kill ACLU and Tides foundation employees to start an anti-government revolution. But he wants a public defender.


Brett Favre’s agent gave an interview to Men’s Journal magazine where he angrily referred to his client as a “drama queen.” Really? What was his first clue?

Some say Sarah Palin has no business comparing herself to Shakespeare since she has probably never read Shakespeare. But I hear Sarah has become quite fond of this quote from Twelfth Night. “Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.”


Sarah Palin is now comparing herself to Shakespeare. When asked if she writes in iambic pentameter, Palin responded ‘Of course not, I’m a true American, I write in English.”


According to a “representative” for Bristol Palin, her upcoming wedding and marriage will not become a reality show.” So for now Bristol’s “focus remains on doing what is best for Tripp and her family.” Translation, she hasn’t gotten a good enough offer.

last word from Bill Littlejohn:

After almost a week, there seems to be no significant leaks and it looks like it might hold. But enough about Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety”

Midseason form…

July 20, 2010

University of Pittsburgh defensive end Jabaal Sheard has been suspended indefinitely. after he was accused of throwing another man through the glass door of an art gallery. Sheard may not play for the Panthers again, but with that kind of arm and attitude some teams may want him as an NFL quarterback.


Although besides being suspended from the team, it seems pretty likely Jabaal flunked art appreciation.

Forever 21, the discount fashion chain beloved by teenagers, is now coming out with a maternity line. I think I see another endorsement opportunity ahead for Bristol Palin.

According to a London tabloid, the New York Yankees are thinking of bidding on a top soccer team, the Tottenham Hotspur of the English Premier League. I guess it’s not enough for their ownership to be hated on only one continent.


One sign that we are well into Major League Baseball’s midseason? The All-Star game. The second sign? Kerry Wood is back on the disabled list.

The Texas Rangers beat the Detroit Tigers in 14 innings, in a game that ended around midnight. Almost five hours. The only thing that’s lasted longer this year for the Rangers is Bengie Molina’s baserunning during last week’s triple.

Atlanta Braves reliever Jonny Venters was suspended four games for intentionally throwing at Prince Fielder on Saturday. Two games for hitting him, two more games for being stupid enough to throw at the guy most likely to crush you if he stormed the mound.


Good news, bad news for the SF Giants about Madison Bumgarner. The good news, the rookie pitcher can flat out hit. The bad news, he hits better than the team’s $12 million a year centerfielder. (Aaron Rowand)

Another day, another nail-biting save for the Giants. Have to wonder, at AA meetings in the San Francisco Area, besides “relationships,” “job stress,” how many people say the reason they drink is “Brian Wilson?.” (Even the SF Chronicle noted in their post game interview with Bruce Bochy that the manager was clutching “a comforting beverage.”)


At the age of 106 and after living here 40 years, Ignacia Moya today finally became a U.S. Citizen. Her biggest regret – not having been able to vote for that “nice young man,” John McCain.


Sarah Palin actually seems to be quite fond of her new word “refudiate,” because she has used it repeatedly. Maybe since she’s trying to court the anti-intellectual vote it’s part of her “strategery?”

From Jerry Perisho The phrase you’re most likely to hear at Chelsea’s wedding: “That’s not an ice sculpture; that’s the mother of the bride.”

Marc Ragovin again “Whats the big deal about the Yankees’ A.J. Burnett. A lot of pitchers hit the wall this time of year.

So Republicans want to cut off unemployment benefits because they say it will encourage Americans to be lazy and not to look for work. By that token shouldn’t they want to double or triple the tax on dividends and other unearned income to encourage trust-fund babies to look for work?