Archive for December 2014

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Value for money.

December 10, 2014

Magic Johnson says he hopes the Lakers lose every game for the rest of the year so the team can get a high draft pick. “”Because if you’re going to lose, lose. I’m serious.” What a nice warm fuzzy message for this year’s season ticket holders.

 

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Pitcher Jon Lester says he chose the Chicago Cubs over the SF Giants because the income tax rate in Illinois is 5%, and it’s $13.3% in California. Well, makes sense. On only $155 million over 6 years he really needs to feed his family.

(And his children’s family, and his grand-children’s family, and his great-grandchildren’s family.)

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And of course, in Chicago, Lester won’t have to pay taxes on playoff winnings.

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Jon Lester may be reunited with his friend Jake Peavy in Chicago.  Peavy has a duck boat and cable car from his last two World Series wins, apparently if the Cubs win the World Series he and Lester both plan to buy flying pigs.

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Meanwhile in SF,  Giants fans’ attitude will be going from “wow, how cool would he look with Madbum in the rotation?” to “Just as well, it’s insane to pay any 31 year old pitcher $155 million for six years.”

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And in Oakland,  the Athletics have now traded Jeff Samardzija to the White Sox. How are the As ever going to decide on bobbleheads for 2014-15 when there’s a good chance any “name” player they have will be gone before his giveaway day?

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Weather forecasters in the SF Bay project over 20 foot waves during a “storm of the decade” that is supposed to hit this Thursday and Friday, Suppose it would be tacky to start a pool on the number of potential Darwin Award winners.

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A woman flying on Southwest from San Francisco to Phoenix went into labor and gave birth on the plane, which was then diverted to Los Angeles. Good thing it was Southwest, United, American and Delta would all have charged her for another seat.

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Johnny Manziel will start at QB Sunday for Cleveland. The rookie QB may not get the team to the playoffs, but he will make the Browns a top story on Sportcenter…

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Prince William, who is 6’3″, flew on a commercial US Airways shuttle from NY to DC Monday. He did, however, fly first class. Perhaps having told his staff, “I may be the ‘people’s prince’ but I’m not crazy.”

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Korean Air announced that their chairman’s daughter, an executive with the airline, has resigned after ordering a senior flight attendant off the plane for serving her macadamia nuts in a bag, not on a plate. Americans are stunned by this story… an airline actually serves expensive macadamia nuts?

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Cam Newton sustained back fractures but apparently escaped serious injury when his car was hit Tuesday in Charlotte. No word on the other driver, but certainly wasn’t a Saints player. Last week they proved they couldn’t hit anyone

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Facebook is working on an AI digital assistant that will warn people posting “questionable” photo uploads, it would say something like “Uh, this is being posted publicly. Are you sure you want your boss and your mother to see this?” Of course, if a “friend”, relative or colleague is posting a such picture of you, this might encourage them to post more.

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What matters most.

December 8, 2014

The Browns may start Johnny Manziel at QB Sunday over Brian Hoyer against Cincinnati. Makes some sense. If Cleveland can’t make the playoffs, they’ll be at least more likely to make ESPN headlines.

 

 

William and Kate are on their first visit to New York City. Wonder if the Prince at some point has leaned over to his wife and whispered “Thank God this all isn’t our problem anymore.”

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Damn. Apparently a security guard was shot and seriously wounded during an post-game argument between 49ers and Raiders fans outside a San Jose bar. Well, it’s a good thing for public safety neither team’s fans will have anything to argue about during the playoffs.

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Well, all he did was basically show you can win a World Series with one starting pitcher.  Even if he didn’t get a hit himself.  Congrats Madison Bumgarner, Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year.

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At time of posting, reportedly Jon Lester is deciding between offers from the Chicago Cubs and the SF Giants. Wonder if the Giants would do something dastardly, like sending Lester videos of games when the wind is blowing out at Wrigley Field?

 

34 years ago tonight was really the day “the music died”, as John Lennon was fatally shot in New York. Harder to believe for many of us, people who were born after Lennon’s murder, are old enough to have children who know the Beatles music. ‪#‎Timeswingedchariot‬

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After Oakland’s upset 23-14 win over SF, Raiders LB Sio Moore took to Instagram to refer to Colin Kaepernick as a “Freakin chump.” Not a huge Kap fan, but maybe Moore should be a little more restrained with his trash talking, considering his team is still 2-11.

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Not that I’m generally a soccer fan, but congratulations to the LA Galaxy on winning the MLS Cup. Guess having Robbie Rogers, who is openly gay, on the team, didn’t hurt the locker room too much.

 

A massive fire in a residential complex under construction basically shut down the 101 and 110 in Los Angeles  Monday morning. So for commuters on those freeways it was basically a Monday commute as usual.

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Ralph Baer,,92, who invented the world’s first video game console, has died. In his honor, mourners at his funeral will spend the entire service playing on their smartphones.

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Baylor coach Art Briles is complaining about no Big 12 team in the College Football Playoff. And five power conferences, four playoff teams was always going to be a problem. But just maybe the Bears might want to up their non-conference schedule from Buffalo, SMU and Northwestern State. (The NY Jets might be available.)

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Questions and answers?

December 7, 2014

So the answer to ‘Who’s got it better than us?” is now “Even the Raiders?” ‪#‎SFvsOAK‬

 

Bright spot Sunday for Jim Harbaugh. He had to like the looks of the team he’ll probably be coaching next year. ‪#‎SFvsOAK‬

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After Sunday’s shut out loss, finally an appropriate new name for D.C.s ‪#‎NFL‬ team – the Washington Trainwrecks. ‪#‎Redskins‬

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TCU beat Iowa State 55-3, and fell out of the College Football Playoffs. A joint crying-towel party will no doubt be arranged for Horned Frogs fans along with fans of whichever NFL team has to go on the road to face the eventual winner of the NFL South.

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Another game with last-minute heroics from Andrew Luck. Although it’s not impossible to stop him from winning a game late – just ask David Shaw. (Fiesta Bowl, 2012. No, Stanford fans aren’t bitter….)

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LeBron James, on his Cavs playing tonight in front of Prince William and Kate. “The stuff that you read about, people like them are only in books growing up. And to hear that they’re coming to town to see me play and they want to see me do what I do best, it’s a huge honor.” Shocking statement to many – NBA players read books growing up?

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The supposed reason the BCS has a four-team playoff instead of eight is that extending the season would interfere with studies. Yes, and they said this with a straight face.

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The Times (UK) will apparently publish a full report Friday of a passenger plane in July nearly being hit by a drone at Heathrow airport. In Europe, this might lead to restrictions on buying drones in shops. In the U.S. airlines may use it to institute a “drone-avoidance” fee.

 

A Las Vegas officer fatally shot a robbery suspect Sunday morning inside the Rio Hotel and Casino after he allegedly didn’t comply with their commands and reached for his waist. In good news for police around the country, the suspect had a gun and was white.

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Defeated Louisiana senator Mary Landrieu, in her concession speech, said she didn’t regret her vote for Obamacare, which the GOP attacked her on. “This is something to be proud of, and I’m glad we fought for it.” Maybe if Landrieu had been defending her votes and her President all along, the outcome might have been different.

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With all the controversy about the ACA – aka Obamacare – many Americans lose sight of the fact that before this bill, most Presidents since Truman had tried and failed to enact healthcare legislation. And the GOP sure didn’t have an alternative. ‪#‎sourgrape

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Not quite crystal?

December 7, 2014

The BCS thought the new College Football Playoff would make things more clear. And what it’s made most clear – they need at least an eight-team playoff.

 

The Golden State Warriors have started December with a bang, following a great October-November. The question now, how will they do during NBA playoffs crunch time  – next June. #andtheysaythebaseballseasonislong

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Thousands attended a memorial for former D.C. mayor Marion Barry. Of course the real prized invitation had to be the after-pary.

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Now that we’ve made it through Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday, and various extensions of all of the above, who’s going to be the first with an Early Bird After Christmas sale?

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In Virginia, a high-school team football team thought they had won the 4A South Region title when they were leading 14-12 with 14 seconds left, and blocked their opponent’s field goal. Except that they started celebrating and, didn’t realize the ball was still live.

So the kicker picked it up, and walked in for a game-winning TD. Who says education isn’t important? At least as far as reading the rule book.

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Okay, who thought the New Jersey Institute of Technology men’s basketball team would upset #17 Michigan. Okay, who knew NJIT HAD a men’s basketball team?

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In the same vein –  Yale hit a 3-point shot with less than 2 seconds remaining to upset national champion UConn tonight. Many college basketball fans were shocked: “Yale plays basketball?”

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Kendra Wilkinson said on a British reality TV show “I earned $500,000 in six months as a stripper.” Right, and I’m sure she reported it all to the IRS. Good thing they don’t read the papers.

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Arizona benched both their starting and backup QBs for being ineffectual in their 13-51 loss to Oregon Friday night, finishing with a third. Who do they think they are? The ‪#‎NYJets‬?

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-The US economy added 321,000 jobs last month and had the biggest gain in average hourly earnings since 2013. Yeah, I can see why all those Democrats wanted to repudiate Obama. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

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Not so good tidings…..

December 5, 2014

NPR is reporting that due to intelligence about a possible planned terrorist attack on a passenger plane to Europe around Christmas, airlines are considering banning carry-on luggage on such flights. Of course, even if they determine the threat isn’t serious, airlines could do that anyway to get more checked baggage fees.

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A Nebraska Cornhuskers football player tried to take a selfie with a raccoon, which then bit him. So he killed the animal to have it tested for rabies. Shame he hadn’t tried a selfie with a bear. Would be one more live animal and one more Darwin winner.

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Ah technology. Since negotiations between Dish Network and CBS broke down, Dish subscribers abruptly were blacked out from all CBS programming, including non-cable shows. No doubt setting off an “Amazing Race” to the phones to complain to customer service.

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Rumors have it that ‪#‎TimTebow‬ is now “dating” one of the ‪#‎Duggars‬  (19  kids and counting) daughters. Which means the former NFL QB still isn’t scoring.

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Nationals OF Jayson Werth was found guilty of reckless driving and sentenced to 10 days in jail for driving 105 mph on the Capital Beltway. Washingtonians are stunned, when can you find space to get up to 105 mph on the Beltway?

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Sounds like last night’s show should have been titled ‪#‎PeterPanDead‬ ‪#‎PeterPanLive‬

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The Columbia Lions have lost 21 straight football games. Today coach Pete Mangurian, who has been accused both of being abusive and of ignoring head injuries by 25 of his players, has resigned. Wonder if he was forced out for the alleged abuse, or for losing 21 straight games?

 

On Friday, Starbucks is opening their first “Reserve Roastery and Tasting Room” in Seattle, a 15,000 sq ft showplace where customers can watch “Reserve” beans being roasted, take classes, and of course, purchase premium beans, food and drinks. Translation, the perfect place for those who don’t think they are overpaying enough already for coffee.

 

Headline “FSU loses RB Williams for ACC title game.” Apparently he hasn’t been cleared after a concussion last week. Well, we knew it wasn’t academics or off-field antics. Then Williams would have been suspended for something like the first series of downs.

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A back to back item from Canadian comic Torben Rolfsen and Bill Littlejohn,, on Mickey Rourke, 62, making a pro boxing comeback in Russia by beating an opponent 33 years his junior:

 

Rolfsen “Don’t the San Antonio Spurs do that every week?”   Littlejohn “I heard Mickey’s prize move was the Ali Shuffleboard.”

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Let the fun begin, (for SFGiants fans) the Los Angeles Times reported that Andre Ethier told the Dodgers he wanted to play every day in the outbound, and not go back to a 5-6 man rotation. But Either said this wasn’t a “play-me-or-trade-me ultimatum.” Sounds like same circus, same monkeys.

 

Commie pinko time:

Two SF police officers were convicted today of several felony counts each of stealing from criminal suspects. They had been charged with taking thousands of dollars found in searches of drug dealers. Of course, had they just shot the suspects….

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Yet more accusers coming forward about Bill Cosby. Although apparently these allegations have been around for quite a while. But it took a bit by a young black male comedian, Hannibal Burress, to really break the story. So maybe what we’re talking here isn’t so much racism, as sexism.

 

 

 

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Behaving badly?

December 5, 2014

George W.s’ daughter Jenna Bush Hager said in response to a question about her possibly fooling around in the White House: “You know maybe there was a little hanky-panky. There was like maybe a kiss on the roof.” Just guessing there won’t be any congressional aides telling Jenna to “show a little class.”

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ESPN headline “Tiger 11 behind leader Spieth.” 11 behind doesn’t sound great. But guess it’s better than saying it another way, that Tiger Woods is last in an 18 man field.

 

Eagles coach Chip Kelly, dismissing rumors he might jump back to the NCAA. “I don’t think our pro offense would work at the college level.”. So how much did his Oregon Ducks get paid anyway?

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A baby was born in Colorado that weighed 13 lbs, 13 oz. LSU coach Les Miles was about to offer the kid a scholarship until he learned it was a girl.

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It’s been reported that Warren Buffett donated $25,000 to Ready for Hillary, a Super PAC supporting Clinton for President. With all due respect, isn’t that about Buffet’s average income from a single one of his accounts for 15 seconds?

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Rand Paul is blaming Eric Garner’s death on the high NYC cigarette tax, because he says it’s driven cigarettes underground and “put our police in a dangerous situation with bad laws.” By that token how many deaths is he going to blame on drug and prostitution laws?

 

 

Ryan Leaf has just been released from a Montana prison after two years. Over-under on how long it takes him to get a call from the ‪#‎NYJets‬?

 

 

The Washington Post is reporting that coach Jay Gruden is “done” with RG3. Still another option for the ‪#‎NYJets‬?

 

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UAB – (University of Alabama – Birmingham), is eliminating football. Because we all know the state of Alabama doesn’t have enough money to waste on the sport….

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The Florida Gators have hired Jim McElwain from Colorado State with a reported 6 year contract. The deal includes a $7.5 million buyout, and $2 million for a future game that CSU will play in Gainesville. Given Gator fans’ expectations let’s hope McElwain is around long enough for that game.

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Rumor has it that the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are interested again in Melky Cabrera. So guess they’re done crying over spilled melk?

 

 

So Anna Duggar, 26, “reality show star”, is pregnant with her fourth child in 6 years of marriage and it is “trending.” This is news because the young woman herself is famous for no other reason than that she married into a family with 19 children…. ‪#‎Beammeupscottythereisnointelligentlifeonthisplanet‬

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From T.C.  – one for my male readers –  “Pizza Hut is testing digital technology with an app that can predict what you will order by scanning where your eyes are looking at when you analyze their ‘electronic tablet menu’. Of course, it would always conclude that I want the waitress with the biggest boobs.”

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Fill in the blanks.

December 4, 2014

100 brains were missing from the University of Texas. Does this even need a punchline?

 

The Philadelphia 76ers actually won a game tonight, making them 1-17. If they keep improving, the team might have a chance of being favored against Kentucky.

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A Hawaii football announcer has apologized for referring to Fresno as the “armpit of America.” As well he should have. Everyone knows that’s New Jersey.

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#‎Stayclassy‬ Sarah Palin posted a picture on her FB page this weekend of President Obama captioned “I am signing a new executive order replacing the world ‘looting’ with ‘undocumented shopping.'”

Of course, Palin believes rioting should be confined to important things, like her family attending birthday parties.

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UAB says they are shutting down their football program for “the greater good.” And Raiders fans are thinking “You can do that?”

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In California, it’s amazing how short the distance is between “We need month-long storms to get us out of this drought” and “Will this rain ever stop?”

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Gloria Allred has a press conference Wednesday  with three women who have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault. So congratulations to everyone who had December 3 in the pool.

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The FSU student conduct code hearing over sexual assault allegations against Jameis Winston ended today without the QB testifying. A decision is expected in 2-3 weeks. Or more likely the day after the Seminoles’ last playoff game.

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Several baggage handlers at JFK Airport have been charged with stealing jewelry and electronic items from checked bags over the past two years. Including Apple iPhones, laptops, and a 2 carat pair of diamond earrings. Glad they caught them, but who put iPhones, laptops and diamond earrings in their checked luggage?

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Ted Cruz wants to shut down the U.S. Government on Dec 11 over President Obama’s actions on immigration. Giving Mitch McConnell and John Boehner just a bit of a glimpse of 2015 when it’s their circus and their monkeys.

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The Chicago Blackhawks’ goalie Corey Crawford will miss at least two to three weeks because he said he fell at a concert. In related news the SF Giants have forbidden Jeremy Affeldt from going to concerts.

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So much for all those who said that video of what happened between Darren Wilson and Michael Brown would have made a difference. ‪#‎StatenIsland‬ ‪#‎EricGarner‬

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Late night thoughts on Staten Island. Look, I understand some people use any excuse for a riot and looting – including a sports win or loss. I also understand that some people on both sides like to overly politicize a single event. But does ANYONE doubt that if those cops had put a choke hold on some preppy white smart-ass asthmatic kid selling cigarettes or joints, and he had died, that the cops would have been indicted, or in jail, by now?

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A sight to behold?

December 3, 2014

In England, George Clooney made an appearance on Downton Abbey for charity.

Women get it. To explain this concept to men, this is the equivalent of NFL football with naked cheerleaders.

 

Boston’s Mass General Hospital is treating a possible Ebola patient. But of course, this isn’t making major headlines – since the November election is over.

 

Go figure this targeted FB ad, from Walmart, suggesting that you “not miss a minute of the 49ers game” with Walmart grocery delivery. What do they target supposed Oakland fans with? “Come stand in line at our stores and you don’t have to watch the Raiders game.”?

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#‎BlackFriday‬ sales were down, ‪#‎CyberMonday‬ sales weren’t up as much as expected. Uh, maybe because the ‪#‎smallbusinessSaturday‬ and ‪#‎GivingTuesday‬ and the extended everything sales have made Americans think they’d be idiots to buy early?

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The NFL is not apologizing for the St. Louis Rams players who came out with their hands up before Sunday’s game. The league presumably is still deciding whether they need to apologize for the play of the Raiders.

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The underachieving ‪#‎SF49ers‬ are playing the simply awful ‪#‎oaklandraiders‬ this Sunday. Can we dub this the Grumpy Bowl?

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Michigan is apparently firing coach Brady Hoke after a 5-7 season. The Wolverines really now might be a particularly good fit for Jim Harbaugh. If the situation you’re coming into is bad enough, no one cares if you’re an a**hole.

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After security lines at Chicago’s Midway Airport stretched over a mile Sunday morning, TSA now said they made a mistake. They opened checkpoints at 4:00am, but due to the holiday, ticket counters had opened at 3:30am. Sort of makes you feel real warm and fuzzy about their ability to catch bad guys.

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Veteran MLB umpire Dale Scott just revealed that he is gay and married to his partner of 28 years. Who knew, an ump turns out to be braver than the players.

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NY Jets WR Eric Decker’s wife Jessie says her husband has been “depressed about the team’s season. And season ticket holders are thinking “HE’S depressed? We’re the ones paying to watch this sh*t.”

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Rain has hit the San Francisco Bay Area so hard and fast that most networks have barely had time to have their reporters covering the drought over to “Stormwatch.”

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Senator Rob Portman said yesterday he will not run for President in 2016. And most Americans said “Who?”

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Youthful follies.

December 2, 2014

Elizabeth Lauten, who posted that rant on FB about the Obama girls and their clothes, resigned today as communications director for a GOP congressman from Tennessee. Well, at least she won’t have to deal with that interview question “why did you leave your last job?”.

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Some wonder where Elizabeth Lauten will end up next. I got dibs on FOX News in the pool.

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Madonna, 56, is topless in a new photo spread in “Interview” magazine. And you think you embarrass YOUR children.

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Cleveland QB Brian Hoyer, defending his role as the team’s starter. “We’re 7-5. That just doesn’t happen by luck.” No, but getting to have played Tennessee, Jacksonville, Oakland, Atlanta, New Orleans and Tampa Bay doesn’t hurt either.

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Some tickets for tonight’s Miami-NY ‪#‎MNF‬ game were going for $15. But many Jets fans were holding out to be paid more.

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It’s getting bad. At this point the only halfway decent team playing football in New Jersey might be 7-5 ‪#‎Rutgers‬. ‪#‎NYJets‬ #nyjets

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The Washington Redskins had a “Cyber Monday” deal for season tickets. “By Telephone Only.” Sounds like Dan Snyder and company get the concept of “Cyber Monday” about as well as they get the idea of putting together a decent football team.

 

 

Cyber Monday is over. The one day of the year when average American women are as focused on their jobs as most men are during the first day of March Madness.

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Lindsey Vonn says her boyfriend Tiger Woods is an “inspiration”. “You’re just figuring that out now?” responded comedy writers.

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The NFL has decided not to fine the St. Louis Rams players who made the “hands up don’t shoot” gesture before yesterday’s game with Oakland. Nor are they fining the Raiders who looked like they were REALLY surrendering.

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TC says  “The Raiders played the entire game with their hands up also. Did you know their “Challenge Flag” is white?”

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House Speaker John Boehner has indicated another government shutdown could be possible when a temporary funding measure expires Dec. 11. Here’s a simple solution – NO ONE from Congress goes home for the holidays until they have a deal, period..

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The winner of Uruguay’s presidential election, Tabare Vazques, has promised to create the first state-run marijuana marketplace. In related news, travel agents report a sudden jump in calls asking to visit Uruguay.

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The price of everything?

December 1, 2014

Here we go, ‪#‎CyberMonday‬. Where merchants offer X% off on items they may or may not have raised by X or X plus Y % last week.

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The airport security line at Midway Airport  reportedly was over 1.2 miles long Sunday am. Let’s hope the airlines at least gave passengers that extra frequent flier mile.

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Some of the St. Louis Rams are being criticized for walking out before their game against Oakland in the “hands up, don’t shoot” position used by Ferguson protesters.

Two questions. 1. Where’s the “free speech” crowd who defended the “Duck Dynasty” patriarch and others on this one?    2. Wonder how many of these players have been pulled over for “driving while black?”

Personally, while I decry looting and property destruction, I don’t have a problem with this peaceful protest.    And then as my friend Mary S said “They had the right to make a peaceful statement, then proceeded to beat the holy crap out of the Raiders…”

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All these interesting early games in the NFL Sunday, and Northern California got to see the 52-0 Rams-Raiders game….. Can TV ratings be negative numbers?

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#‎Raiders‬ today made a strong case for the ‪#‎NFL‬ instituting a mercy rule. ‪#‎OAKvsSTL‬

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Have to wonder how did these Raiders ever beat the Chiefs? Heck, they aren’t looking like they could beat Alabama. ‪#‎OAKvsSTL‬

 

Los Angeles fans don’t have an NFL team. After today, New York fans don’t think they have one either.

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There are rumors that the 49ers might trade Jim Harbaugh to another NFL team for a draft pick – and the top two teams and the Raiders and the Jets!? And comedy writers are thinking “Christmas is coming early.

 

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Mike Golic was one of only 3 of 14 ESPN experts to pick the Eagles over the Cowboys, and the ONLY one to pick the Saints over the Steelers. Maybe a karmic reward from the football gods for enough of a sense of humor to do that semi-nude picture?

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Janay Rice who attended her husband’s June meetings with Roger Goodell, says of the NFL commissioner, “I can’t say he’s telling the truth.” Give Goodell credit, it really takes talent to come out of a situation like this looking worse than the guy who knocked out a woman.

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Meanwhile, in Canada, the CFL Grey Cup was Sunday night. Hamilton vs. Calgary. Many Americans are thinking “what’s the Grey Cup?” Still others are thinking “Where’s Hamilton?

 

UAB – the .University of Alabama at Birmingham -may be about to shut down their football program. And after the last month, have to wonder how many Notre Dame alums are saying “want our team instead?

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