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He was, Penn State.

January 23, 2012

R.I.P. Joe Paterno – For his sake it was a shame the cancer didn’t kill him six months earlier. And remembering this Edmund Burke quote -“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

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The cancer killed Paterno so quickly, you have to wonder, was part of the problem that he waited too long to report the symptoms?

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Jerry Sandusky’s statement on the passing of Joe Paterno: “This is a sad day!” Yes, agreed, sad that the passing wasn’t Sandusky’s
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Kyle Wlliams has now joined Tim Tebow as one of those rare players who can get 60,000 plus fans on their feet screaming “Jesus Christ!”

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Weather was so bad at Candlestick fans expected to see a baseball game break out.

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Alex Smith picked a bad time to start looking like Alex Smith.

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The worst thing about a Boston-New York Super Bowl. It will give ESPN an easy excuse again to start talking about the Red Sox-Yankees.

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Kyle Williams will never have to buy himself a drink in New York again.

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Baltimore fans watching that last drive? “tell me truly, I implore — Is there — is there balm in Gilette? — tell me — tell me, I implore!” Quoth the Ravens “Nevermore.”

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In accepting his MVP award, Ryan Braun said “we all deal with challenges we never expected to endure.” Wonder if that translates to “damn guy TOLD me the stuff was undetectable.”

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John Boehner is already referring to President Obama’s Tuesday State of the Union speech as “pathetic.” Presume he’s also already ordered the crying towels?

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Gabby Giffords has announced she is retiring from Congress effective Monday. Wish her all the best, and clearly Giffords needs to do what is best for her health. But she is already more articulate than many of her fellow Congresspeople.

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Simon Cowell has apparently called off his engagement to long-time girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy. Poor Simon, looks like he’s never going to find anyone he loves as much as he loves himself..

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The Discovery Channel announced Saturday yesterday that they will air a documentary on the Costa Concordia crash this spring. So congratulations to all those who had “seven days” in the pool.

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Regarding Steven Tyler’s rendition of the National Anthem -Objectively, he wouldn’t have even given himself a ticket to Hollywood.

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Oregon head coach Chip Kelly is apparently talking to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers about their head coaching vacancy. Wonder if that means that NCAA investigation into the Ducks’ recruiting program is more serious than we thought.

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An Italian rescue official now says there is a possibility that “unregistered” passengers (i.e. stowaways) may have been aboard the Costa Concordia. And we thought our TSA was sloppy.

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Your bailout money at work: Goldman Sachs investment banker Jeffrey Verschleiser has been sued from illegally profiting from bad mortgages at Bear Stearns before the firm’s collapse. But now he’s apparently spending over $1 million to take over an entire Aspen hotel for four days for his daughter’s bat mitzah. Even Mitt Romney is saying “How tone deaf can you be?”

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It’s never easy.

February 12, 2011

The Tea Party’s success has Republicans really bickering amongst themselves. Who do they think they are?  Democrats?

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In the movie “Just Go With It,” Adam Sandler ends up in major trouble for pretending he is divorced, when he isn’t even married.  GOP leaders are thinking that it’s a shame that former Congressman Christopher Lee didn’t see an advance screening.

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Redskins DT tackle Albert Haynesworth has been formally charged with assault stemming from a road rage incident earlier this month. Haynesworth plans to call the Washington coaching staff as defense witnesses. They will testify that this year Albert seemed incapable of really hitting anyone.

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The city of Arlington has now released records indicating that they advised the Dallas Cowboys five MONTHS in advance that they needed permits for temporary seating. And the team didn’t start the approval process until mid January. Sounds like Dallas was as well prepared to host the Super Bowl as they were to play in it.

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And as of this blog posting, Tiger Woods is in contention at the Dubai Desert Classic. 

Okay, anyone need any more proof that for most Americans golf is a one man game?   This is the weekend of the A.T and T Pro-Am in Pebble Beach, one of the most iconic golf tournaments in the country….and we care about the Dubai Desert Classic?

With all due respect, if Tiger weren’t using the tournament to attempt his latest comeback, most of us wouldn’t even know there WAS a Dubai Desert Classic.

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Despite allegations that the Catholic church shelters its own, in Los Angeles, a 74 year priest was removed from his position by the Archdiocese. He had admitted having a sexual relationship with a high school girl starting in 1960. Because his lover was in high school when he was 23? Or because she was a girl?

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How rough is it this year for the Washington Wizards, with an 0-25 record on the road? Now they get to travel to Cleveland to play the Cavaliers while they’re hot.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger is going back to making movies. Which is probably a good thing, with all the money the former Governor will earn (and pay taxes on), the state of California can go back to actually benefiting from his crappy performances.

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From reader Keith Hillyard: 

I see that Tanya Harding is pregnant. When the kid finds out who his mother is, his first words will be, “Why me?”

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The Blame Game?

February 9, 2011

Michelle Obama has announced that her husband has quit smoking. Wonder how long it will take the GOP to accuse the President of contributing to unemployment in the tobacco industry?

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Taco Bell has been fighting back against a lawsuit that says the “seasoned ground beef” in its menu items doesn’t contain enough beef meat. And as a gesture of thanks the chain is offering a free Crunchy Beef Taco to its first 10 million Facebook fans.  Ten million tacos?!  Wow.  That’s almost a ton of meat.

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The Tea Party is coming out with a new magazine to express their anti-government platform – the Tea Party Review. But how are they going to deliver it? Surely not by the U.S. Post Office.

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Coach Sean Payton says he is committed to the Saints but he isnownow relocating his family back to their home town of Dallas from New Orleans. This might be the closest Jerry Jones comes to having a Super Bowl winning coach in Dallas.

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One sentence to sum up what kind of winter it’s been. “On Monday, Mark Wilson won the frost-delayed Phoenix Open.”

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A recent GE study looking at the disconnect between patients and their doctors said 28% of Americans say they sometimes lie or omit facts when talking to their health care provider about their care. And the other 72 % lie to survey takers.

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The Los Angeles Lakers have now joined the negotiations to get Carmelo Anthony from the Denver Nuggets. Apparent object – how to take back the title “Most hated team in America” from the Miami Heat.

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Former Republican Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell of Delaware has sent out a fundraising letter claiming she was the “White House’s”  top opponent in 2010. In related news, the Cleveland Cavaliers have sent out a letter to their fans with a special offer to buy potential playoff tickets.

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So now the story comes out that the NFL knew there was a potential problem with Super Bowl tickets, but kept quiet in hopes of the new seats being ready in time. And why would they have any reason to suspect Cowboys owner Jerry Jones of over-reaching ambition?

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And apropos of nothing except regarding that old chestnut “size matters.”  Population of  Green Bay -about 102,000.  Number of people who in one way or another got crammed into Cowboys Stadium Sunday?  About 103,000.

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From Marc Ragovin: A recent article said that the vast majority of New York City high school graduates are unprepared to succeed in college. In response, a group of exasperated students said “We ain’t?”

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Wait until next year?

February 8, 2011

For all those fans who shivered their way through Super Bowl week,I  give you Indianapolis, site of the 2012 game. With a high today of 17 degrees.

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This year’s Super Bowl set a record for American television viewing, with 111 million people tuned into the game. Of course probably half those people had limited choice – with this winter’s weather they couldn’t get out of the house.

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Suggestion for Super Bowl XLVI (and beyond): Since the new venues, including Indianapolis’ Lucas Oil Stadium, all have REALLY large big-screen monitors, how about setting up a Karaoke machine for future Anthem singers?

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American Idol/post Super Bowl thought – How seriously will we take the judges this year when they tell someone in Hollywood that they will never be a big star if they can’t remember the lyrics?

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Reality show fans have to wonder if the Bachelor is fixed, as the show seems to have one attractive narcissistic, immature contestant every year,  who nonetheless doesn’t get sent home.  I mean, who would believe that someone could be deceived for long by a person who is clearly not serious relationship material.

Meanwhile, the media’s still buzzing over those “cute” pictures of Cameron Diaz with Alex Rodriguez.

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The Passat commercial with the little Darth Vader was the clear winner on Super Bowl Sunday. Wonder how much Volkswagen had to pay to obtain the rights to be able to photoshop those old family pictures of a young Dick Cheney?

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Lindsay Lohan now says she didn’t take the necklace, she just borrowed it.  And Reggie Bush said “Why didn’t I think of that.”

Actually, Lindsay should have just said her father must have taken the the necklace for her.

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In Donald Rumsfeld’s new book, the former Secretary of Defense said he “made a few misstatements” about WMD’s in Iraq.

Responded Sarah Palin, “See, it’s not like he lied or anything.”

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The ring’s the thing?

February 4, 2011

At the buzzer – Spurs 89, Lakers 88. All the hype this year about Kobe and Lebron, and it’s quite possible neither of them take home a ring. (The only people upset about this outside of Miami and Los Angeles are television executives.)

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The Packers and Steelers are two of the only six NFL teams that do not have their own cheerleaders. So for the first time since Super Bowl II, the game will not have any cheerleaders. This news disappointed millions of men and about two women.

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Bob Griese, 65, has announced his retirement from broadcasting after 29 years. Wonder how many people have anonymously forwarded this story to Terry Bradshaw?

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Sarah Palin has declined an invitation to speak annual Conservative Political Action Conference later in February, despite the fact that almost every other Republican running for President in 2012 will be there. Actually makes sense in a way, with all the other candidates there, it won’t be all about Sarah.

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The Republicans have dropped controversial language in an anti-abortion bill that would have greatly narrowed the definition of rape. The wording had been known privately as the Roethlisberger codicil.

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Since the alleged victim in the most recent sexual assault case was a young woman who wasn’t legally old enough to drink, think we can safely assume that if the Steelers win Sunday, we won’t hear the commercial with Big Ben saying  “I’m going to Disneyland.”

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Giants closer Brian Wilson has decided to go back on Twitter. And manager Bruce Bochy has just upped his standing single malt scotch order for his office.

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The NCAA indicated they will sanction Tennessee’s football program for violations under former coach Lane Kiffin, and will also cite Kiffin himself, who has moved on to USC. The Trojans are already on probation, but wonder how long after Kiffin leaves they will be punished further for what he is doing now.

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But seriously, Lane Kiffin has never had a really successful season as a coach, he has left messes to clean up at every job he leaves, and he keeps getting better and better positions.  Either the man knows where the bodies are buried, or he has some really incriminating pictures.

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Ralphs Grocery has pleaded no contest to overcharging customers for prepackaged and weighed products at stores in Los Angeles. Apparently the packages weighed considerably less than what they stated on the label. And thousands of women heard this story and responded,  “Oh, I must have the same scale Ralph’s does.”

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Egyptian President Mubarak says if he resigns “there will be chaos. And we thought former President  George W. Bush was out of touch with reality.

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As the situation in Egypt deteriorates and the violence against journalists escalates, anyone up for taking a collection to pay for personal coverage from Cairo by Glenn Beck?

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Pitchers and catchers report, and then…

February 2, 2011

Manny Ramirez told a Florida reporter he is in “great shape” after working out extensively this off-season. I guess that means he’s lost all that pregnancy weight.

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Ramirez also says he is really happy to be back in the American League and with the Rays for 2011. Over-under on when he gets unhappy and starts sulking? I’m guessing about early July?

(WordPress keeps all comments indefinitely so if any readers want to weigh in, can reference your pick on the day Manny starts whining, and give you bragging rights.)

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Another question?  What will happen first, Manny starting to act like a   sulky child, or the Cubs being eliminated from playoff contention?

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There’s been an ice storm in Texas this week, and temperatures are way below normal.  In fact, folks in Dallas haven’t seen anything this cold since the Cowboys’ offense.

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So because of the weather in Dallas, the Green Bay Packers will be practicing indoors tomorrow. What is it with these wimpy teams who clearly aren’t used to the cold?

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Mitt Romney says his wife thinks he should run for president. Makes sense, now that he’s retired and finished writing his book, she’s tired of having him around the house.

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Apparently, Marc Mezvinksky, Chelsea Clinton’s new husband, is taking a few months off from his investment banker job to be a ski bum. Well, now that he’s married a President’s daughter, I guess Mezvinsky decided to spend his time doing something more socially responsible.

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Regarding this Florida judge Vinson who says the entire Obama healthcare reform package is unconstitutional: So to avoid any conflict of interest I assume the 70 year old judge will give up his own lifetime government healthcare package, and look for private insurance to go along with his Medicare?

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A new study says that having your team in the Super Bowl could be dangerous to your health, because your emotional response to the game could trigger a preexisting heart condition and lead to cardiac arrest. Which means that while painful, it’s at least healthier these days to be a 49ers or Raiders fan.

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Rush Limbaugh is now wondering why “Pharoah Obama” didn’t see the problems in Egypt coming? With all due respect, Rush Limbaugh is a Ph**king idiot and a Phraud.

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Snow place like home…

February 1, 2011

Once again, some airlines are pre-emptively cancelling flights today because snow MIGHT cause delays at the airport.  (While other carriers are still -operating flights between the same cities at the same time.)

This will nonetheless cost these airlines some big bucks. Which will likely mean only one thing – stay tuned for “weather fees.”

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The King’s Speech is now the front-runner for Best Picture. And it seems to resonate with Americans. Of course, we know all too well that when someone ends up in charge just because they are their father’s son, it’s easy to end up with an inarticulate leader.

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British tennis fans are really unhappy after Andy Murray’s loss at the Australian Open to Novak Djokovic.  The match had been considered a a great chance for the country’s first male Grand Slam event win in 75 years.

75 years of misery?!.  “Wimps,”  responded Cubs fans.

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Yet another storm is expected to close New York airports for much of the remainder of the week and potentially into the weekend. Wonder how the NFL feels these days about the decision to put the 2014 Super Bowl in the Meadowlands.

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Chicago O’Hare airport may also be closed for a while. Well at least Bears and Jets fans have no need to fly to Dallas.

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As far as I can tell, this year’s version of “the Bachelor” seems to be about nonstop crying. Are we sure John Boehner isn’t somehow involved?

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Sarah Palin says she is now happy about the media proposing to boycott her, because this way it will “keep me from being blamed for Egypt.” Actually, Sarah, most of the media is laying odds as to whether or not you could find Egypt on a map.

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At the Safari Club International Convention in Nevada, Sarah Palin warned gun owners to “keep tabs on the White House,” and “just think if we had stricter gun control laws.” Yes, I’m thinking about it, and we’d have six people still alive in Arizona, for starters.

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Well, Jay Leno hasn’t “friended” me. But he did use this joke, which I posted on Facebook and on my blog Dec 28, almost word for word tonight: The Chilean miners are all heading to Disney World on an expense-paid trip that Disney has donated. So these men survived over two months being trapped underground; now comes the real test, how will they do on a few back-to-back rides on “It’s a Small World?”

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One of the few good things….

January 28, 2011

..about this ridiculous Super Bowl hype and endless countdown – once the game is over we’ll be only about a week from pitchers and catchers reporting for Spring Training.

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Though actually this year we get a bonus – the Green Bay Packers are on the front page, and Brett Favre’s decisions are not involved.

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One of this year’s Super Bowl commercials will feature both Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne. Okay, I don’t know about the “good,” but we’ve certainly got the “bad” and the “ugly” down.

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Due to a U2 concert conflict, an interleague game next June between the attendance-challenged Florida Marlins and the lowly Seattle Mariners will be moved from Miami to Seattle. This is a major disappointment for both fans who were planning to buy tickets.

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The average Super Bowl ticket price on Stubhub is now over $3000.  Geez. For that amount you could get two bleacher tickets to a regular season Yankees games.

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Canadian’s defense minster Peter MacKay is facing some criticism for saying in a videotaped chat with Arnold Schwarzenegger that “British Columbia and California share a border.” And Sarah Palin retorted, “Give the guy a break, it’s not like the terrorists don’t already know that.”

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Taco Bell is fighting back against a lawsuit claiming their taco filling is only 35 percent beef with front page ads around the country saying it is actually 88 percent beef. Considering that “beef” is defined by the FDA as just about anything that comes out of a cow, maybe we’d all be better off if there really were 65 percent “other” filler.

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So let’s be real here, how many male political commentators are really hoping and praying that Michele Bachmann joins Sarah Palin in running for President in 2012? Object of course – a MILF cat fight/smackdown.

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The NHL is on its All Star Break, which means tonight about as many Americans are watching televised hockey as during the rest of the regular season.

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One of this year’s Super Bowl commercials will feature both Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne. Okay, I don’t know about the “good,” but we’ve certainly got the “bad” and the “ugly” down.

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This very gracious message just in today from George W. Bush: “While I admittedly have not been as focused on politics as I was when I was President, and while I have some differences with Barack Obama, I do want to wish him good luck before he makes his very important State of the Union speech.”

The statement was particularly surprising because it’s the first time anyone’s heard  W. say he was focused on politics when he was President.

 

 

Open note to United Airlines: Updates are nice, but when you are sitting on a delayed plane where you have already received messages saying it will leave at 745p and then 800p, and then at 813p you get an email saying the flight will now leave at 815p… here’s a hint – everyone who cares has probably figured that out.

Finally, an ex-Floridian joke, apologies if  too “inside baseball.”  So now that former Tea-Party darling Marco Rubio has won his Senate seat over Charlie Crist and Kendrick Meek, he has both been a no-show at the Tea-Party caucus, and hired a DC GOP insider-lobbyist as his chief of staff. Not surprised, the only “change he can believe in” has always seemed to be change lining Rubio’s pockets.

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Super, whether you like it or not.

January 24, 2011

So for several hours, America has known the participants in the February 6 Super Bowl.    And in a few more hours, the Super Bowl pre-game show will start.

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From Nick Coombs “Over/Under for the words “Roethelisberger” and “redemption” appearing in the same sentence in the next two weeks… 5000.”

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And let’s see, Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, Terry Bradshaw. Where’s the rule that says the importance of the game is inversely proportion to the quality of the national announcers.

But except for a few minutes when the Jets and Bears looked like they might actually pull off comebacks, how uninteresting  were these championship games?  Across America, men turned  to their wives and asking “So honey, want to go see “No Strings Attached?”

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Actually no team today played consistently well for more than a half. It was enough to make fans long for the  crisp execution of teams in the Pro Bowl.

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For any Canadian readers, the Montreal Alouettes had to be watching all four teams today and saying “We can take these guys.”

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If it had been Tom Brady and the Patriots against the Steelers today, instead of Mark Sanchez and the Jets, think the refs might have once again enforced the “tuck rule?

We already know what the answer would be if the Raiders were involved.  (Although it’s hard to imagine the Raiders these days anywhere near the AFC championship.)

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Okay, how many of you have added Caleb Hanie to their 2012 fantasy team?

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And wonder how many Bears fans actually started chanting for Rex Grossman?

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How low has the bi-partisanism bar been set in this country when this is considered news? On “Meet the Press,” Republican House Majority Leader Eric Cantor says he believes Obama is a citizen.

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Well, looks there will be some good news for New York fans after today. They can save the ridiculous sums they were planning to spend on going to the Super Bowl and use the money towards a down payment on Yankees tickets.

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Scary thought for baby boomers and post-boomers – Jack LaLanne was old when we STARTED watching him….

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And the following, forwarded by a friend, might be one of the best protest signs ever. And I’m not a religious person.

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As the party in New Orleans continues…

February 9, 2010

Many observers are wondering about the answer to one question – will residents sober up in time for Mardi Gras?

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Now that the Saints have won the Super Bowl, those paper bags that fans used to wear over their heads are gone for good. But in a humanitarian gesture, folks in New Orleans are sending their unused bags to Wrigley Field.

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The Super Bowl attracted over 50 million viewers in the U.S., more than any televised program ever, surpassing the previously most-viewed final episode of MASH. That show aired in February 1983. To give you an idea who long ago that was, Brett Favre was just thinking about his first retirement, and “The Who” had just received their first social security payments.

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This just in… FEMA sent a memo warning the City of New Orleans to hire extra police for crowd control because they think the Saints might do well in this year’s NFL playoffs.

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Grumpy thought: The Saints won the NFL championship for the first time in their 43 year history in New Orleans, one of the longest droughts in sports. But let’s see, the baseball Giants moved to San Francisco in 1958 and their world championship total since is…. yep…. zero.
Although Sarah Palin criticized President Obama for using a teleprompter, it turns out she had crib notes on her hand during her “Tea Party” speech. This is shocking. Palin can read?

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Sarah Palin said she might run for President in 2012. But first she has to decide on a few things. Like, if elected, who she will want as her replacement when she resigns in 2015.

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And back in California, Meg Whitman has adjusted her first television commercial, where she said she had lived in California for over 30 years. Turns out she has lived in the state a total of 23 years. So her latest ad now says “many years.” But I don’t know, being off on the numbers by about 33 percent? In that way she’d fit right in in Sacramento.

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In the ad she also complains about “professional politicians.” Well, this might be a first – someone putting that label on Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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Who dat?

February 8, 2010

The full version of the slogan. “Who dat say going to beat dem Saints?”

Well, tonight, not the Colts.

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Peyton Manning looked like a Hall of Fame quarterback in the fourth quarter tonight. Unfortunately for the Colts, it was Brett Favre.

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Many pundits were wondering openly before the Super Bowl if Peyton Manning was the best quarterback of all time. Sunday he wasn’t even the best quarterback in the game.

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What a night for Drew Brees. He had the highest percentage of completed passes by a young Super Bowl quarterback since Joe Namath was a good looking bachelor.

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Many younger Super Bowl fans watched the halftime show and wondered “So who are The Who?” Even more wondered “What is pinball?”

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Many younger Super Bowl viewers were confused tonight after the second quarter. They kept waiting for the CSI commercials to be over so the halftime show could start.

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Next year’s Super Bowl will be in Dallas, Texas. Which means country music fans are hoping for a halftime show with Tim McGraw and Taylor Swift. But given the NFL’s proclivity for mature acts, I’m guessing a more likely duo will be Dolly Parton and Willie Nelson.

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You think you had a bad week. How’d you like to be a football fan working at the Toyota plant in Indiana?

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Commie pinko time.

Okay, follow me on this one, Sarah Palin said Rahm Emanuel calling liberal groups “retards” was “insensitive and indecent”, and an insult to her son and other disabled people. And Palin called for Emanuel to be fired. But when a certain talk show host used the SAME term to describe the SAME groups, she said “They are kooks, so I agree with Rush Limbaugh.” (Apparently it was okay because with Limbaugh it was satire.

How much do I want to hear Jon Stewart say “Now that logic is TRULY retarded!”?

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Sarah Palin at one point in her speech to Tea Party supporters “how’s that hopey-changey thing working out for you?” For people who can pay over $500 to see her speak, I guess the answer is, reasonably well.

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New theme song at Ford headquarters…

February 5, 2010

New theme song at Ford Headquarters – “I love what you do for me, Toyota.”

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So Toyota knew there was a problem that would be extremely detrimental to their brand, but kept it secret until their hand was forced by a high-profile crash. Talk about a company that should have had a marketing agreement with Tiger Woods.

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Latest breaking news from Miami!! The Colts’ All-Pro Defensive End Dwight Freeney’s ankle is still sore. And Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

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High school superstar offensive tackle Seantrel Henderson, who may well end up leaving school early for the NFL, committed to USC and Lane Kiffin today. The betting pool has already started as to whether Henderson or Kiffin will have a longer stay with the Trojans.

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So in California, the two Republican multi-millionaires, (Meg Whitman and Steve Poizner) running for Governor are sniping at each other like schoolchildren, and Carly Fiorina, who is running for Senate, has come up with an ad portraying her opponent Tom Campbell as some sort of demonic sheep.

Meanwhile over on the other side, Jerry Brown and Barbara Boxer are thinking, why hire campaign consultants? No one could do a better job for the Democratic party than the job these guys are doing themselves.

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Carly Fioriana’s “demon sheep” ad about Tom Campbell (easy to find on google/youtube etc., if you haven’t seen it) is truly creative to say the least. And it does answer one tough question. How did this woman manage to be fired by the same McCain campaign that chose and kept Sarah Palin?

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The Super Bowl, Oscars and other hype…

February 3, 2010

The NFL’s greed knows no bounds. The league has ordered local New Orleans vendors to stop selling shirts with the Saints slogan. Now they will now be fining the Super Bowl’s major halftime act, and ordering them to cover their name. After all, the band is trying to use half the phrase “Who Dat.”

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Besides this being Super Bowl Weekend,, Nascar is having the oddly-named “Budweiser Shootout” at Daytona International Speedway Saturday. Who’s going to waive the checkered flag, Gilbert Arenas?

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Carrie Underwood will sing the National Anthem for the Super Bowl. Apparently Carrie’s enough of a football fan that when the league asked her last December, she realized it was one time she’d be sure not to have to watch her ex – Tony Romo.

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The Oscar nominations came out today, including two for “The Blind Side.” Many Oscar watchers were shocked, two nominees for a sports drama and no acting nomination for “I didn’t take steroids to hit home runs” by Mark McGwire?

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“The Blind Side” is the highest grossing football movie of all time. Although those who haven’t seen the movie actually think it’s the answer to a question. “Whose side is Congress on in this healthcare debate?”

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New York Jets Rex Ryan was fined $50,000 for making the “finger” sign at a mixed martial arts event last weekend. But in Ryan’s defense, after coaching in New York for a while, he figured it was the Jets’ fans equivalent of a victory sign.

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Rahm Emmanuel apologized after Sarah Palin called him out for referring to some liberal Democrats as “f*****g retarded.” He said he should have referred to them as “Palin-esque”

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Jenny Sanford says her soon-to-be-ex-husband Mark asked her for advice during his affair, wondering “if he should follow his heart to Argentina and if he would live a life of regret if he didn’t?” That’s it, John Edwards, while a favorite, is no longer a lock to win worst husband of the year.

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Actually it really was amazing to read in Jenny’s book that her husband actually asked if he should leave her for the mistress he felt he was in love with…. One would expect to read such a statement posthumously at her murder trial.

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As the Super hype continues…

February 2, 2010

Rain forced media day at the Super Bowl indoors today. The Florida storm, however, did not flood the streets. Disappointing all those reporters who wanted to see Peyton Manning walk to today’s interview.

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President Obama is taking some grief for his use of a teleprompter. You do get the feeling, however, that if George W. Bush was accused of over-reliance on a teleprompter that Fox News would headline the story “President displays exceptional reading skills.”

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When asked about his verbal gaffes, GOP chairman Michael Steele responded -“Accidents happen, baby.” Didn’t he steal that line from John Edwards?

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Or in Edwards’ case the punctuation is different:
“Accidents happen. Baby.

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A new museum has opened in London – Abbaworld. No joke. With original costumes amongst other mementos. And of course nonstop music. Should be great for the London economy. Because men will hear about it from their wives and say “Honey, could we go shopping instead?.

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“This just in; Brett Favre has announced he is going to get a Facebook page. As soon as he decides on his status.”

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Legendary newspaper writer Herb Caen died 13 years ago today. Already there are young people and young adults in the SF Bay Area who are asking “Who’s Herb Caen?” Let’s hope in 13 more years the same demographic isn’t asking “What’s a newspaper?”

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Suspended Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas wrote a contrite op-ed for the Washington Post, acknowledging among other things that guns “are not joking matters,” and that he deserved his suspension. Arenas also pledges to try to “right his wrongs,” especially insofar as the example his behavior set for young people…

Let’s see, a thoughtful apology actually accepting responsibility…. This settles it, Arenas doesn’t belong in Washington.

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Johannesburg’s Sunday Times newspaper, citing unnamed friends of the woman’s family, reported that 67 year old South African President Jacob Zuma has had a child with a woman who is not one of his three wives nor his fiance. This is not expected to affect his career.

In related news, John Edwards announced he is moving to South Africa.

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Scott McCarron, who allegedly called Phil Mickelson a “cheater” for using a particular kind of sand wedge, now clarifies his remarks by saying “‘It’s cheating.” but “I never called Phil Mickelson a cheater.”

I think I like “it depends what the definition of is is” better.

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Too gay for the NFL?

January 31, 2010

So for the Super Bowl, CBS has okayed an anti-abortion ad featuring Tim Tebow, and rejected a gay dating ad. Hmm, maybe “Mancrunch” should have had the ad say “Reduce potential abortions, encourage more gay dating!”

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But let’s see, NFL players are athletic-looking guys, often with elaborate hairstyles, who dress in tight spandex uniforms. Then they grab at each other, hug after great plays and dance on a regular basis. Yeah, can’t see why the league thinks they would have any gay viewers.

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Once again, you can’t make this stuff up. In the “they just don’t get it” department”, Nike has an ad inside the front cover of ESPN the magazine, and Sports Illustrated featuring Kobe Bryant and Lebron James in a campaign titled “Prepare for combat.”

And in the ad Kobe says, “I’ll do whatever it takes…. I don’t leave anything in the chamber.”

So what’s next, an ad campaign talking about the NBA’s high caliber players.

Or describing someone’s play as “semi-automatic?”

Maybe this is all some karmic revenge for the league’s getting rid of the name “Washington Bullets.”

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The Stanford men’s basketball team has yet to win a game away from Maples this year. And they had only one such win last season. This team might perform worse on the road than Willy Loman.

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In women’s basketball, the second ranked Stanford women have been trailing at halftime in both their last games, but then have come from behind to win handily. Some wonder what coach Tara VanDeveer has said to the women at halftime. Might be as simple as “You’re playing like men.”
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John Edwards apparently claimed to his then-friend Andrew Young that Rielle Hunter had told him she couldn’t get pregnant. Okay, that’s it, forget the morals. The man is too stupid to be president.

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The countdown begins…

January 26, 2010

So the League Championship games are over and the interminable hype begins. Two whole weeks for the Super Bowl, and about thirty-two weeks until Brett Favre decides whether or not he will play next season.
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After the Saints 31-28 win, there’s been more complaining about the NFL’s overtime rule. And it’s true, Brett Favre didn’t even get a chance in overtime to throw another interception.

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Headline from Seattle Times: “Brett Favre’s Future a Big Question Mark in Minnesota.”

In related news, it rains sometimes in Seattle.

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The NFL conference championship games last weekend drew the highest television viewership since 1982. Partly this was because the Jets-Colts and Saints-Vikings were compelling matchups. Partly it’s because many Americans now couldn’t afford to do anything else.

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Washington guard Javaris Crittenton pled guilty to a misdemeanor gun charge stemming from his dispute with teammate Gilbert Arenas., and was put on probation. The Wizards may not make the playoffs, but they’re definitely in the running for best shooting team of the year.

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Apparently Tom Brady won’t need surgery on his finger, so he won’t miss any of next year recovering. Which is mostly good news, on the other hand, if he missed much of the 2010 season he could win another “Comeback Player of the Year” award.

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Much media hype about “Avatar” having now passed 1997’s “Titanic” in gross box box office receipts. Not that the movie hasn’t rung up impressive sales. But the average movie ticket price in 1997? About $4.59.

(source- Wikipedia.)

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Commie pinko alert:

Apparently CBS is planning to air an anti-abortion commercial during the Super Bowl featuring Tim Tebow and his mother. If Tebow really wanted to be “pro-life” maybe he should have considered doing a commercial telling all his fellow athletes to pay their child support?

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Are you ready for two weeks without football…

January 25, 2010

…but of course, two weeks of hype. Starting tonight.

This year the Pro Bowl will be played the weekend between the league championship games and the Super Bowl. But if you are seriously excited about watching the Pro Bowl, it might be a serious sign that you need to get a life.

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Matt Stover, the Colts placekicker, will turn 42 on Wednesday and will be the oldest player ever in the Super Bowl. He did say later that while he looks forward to playing against the Saints, he is sorry he won’t get to face that nice young man, Brett Favre.

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Garrett Hartley, the Saints placekicker, was suspended earlier this year for taking Adderall, a banned stimulant used to treat ADD/ADHD. Apparently he is clean now. when asked about the medication in a post game news conference, Hartley’s response was “Oh, look, a puppy.”

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In general, I have a hard time believing that God cares much about sporting events. On the other hand, maybe we can’t rule out that He likes to reward bipartisan politicians. The only congressperson from either party who crossed party lines to vote for health care – Joseph Cao – from New Orleans.

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A recent poll gave California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger a 27 percent approval rating. And most people figured he couldn’t go any lower than “Jingle all the Way.”

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Watching these Pepsi “throwback” ads, where they are temporarily making the soft drink with “real sugar.” Doesn’t exactly give you a warm fuzzy feeling about whatever they are normally using now.

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And the real anticipation has begun – for the Super Bowl ads. Apparently Boost Mobile, a cellphone company, will air a 30-second spot that will reunite the 1985 Chicago Bears. Says Bill Littlejohn, in the video, “the former Bears will perform a music video called Super Bowl Shuffleboard.’’

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The most watched Super Bowl?

February 3, 2009

Despite a less than marquee matchup between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Arizona Cardinals, this year’s Super Bowl was the second-most watched ever. Well, yeah, at this point most Americans couldn’t afford to go out and do anything else.

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Although spring training starts in a few weeks, Manny Ramirez still has not decided where he will go for the 2009 season. Even Brett Favre is saying “Dude, make up your mind.”

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Actually Manny Ramirez is looking for at least a four year contract. Presumably so in two years he can complain and say he wants out of it.

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Though speaking of Brett Favre, New York Jets general manager Mike Tannebaum said he told Favre he can take “months if necessary” to decide if he will return for the 2009 season. Isn’t telling Brett Favre to take his time like telling Joe Biden “speak as long as you’d like?”

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After that newspaper photo appeared of him smoking pot in an English newspaper, Michael Phelps said his behavior was “regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment.” Of course, mostly what he regrets is being too stoned to remember that these days most people have cellphone cameras.

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Proof that not all my jokes are anti Republican.

Now we know why Democrats vote against cutting taxes. They don’t plan to pay them anyway.

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But on the other hand:

In Pittsburgh, thanks to the Steelers, schoolchildren were given two hours off from school Monday morning after the Super Bowl. Former President George W. Bush heard about this and said that he thought it would be a nice gesture for the University of Phoenix to give their students the morning off too.

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An Arizona station apologized to its viewers over their accidentally showing 30 seconds of pornography during the Super Bowl. Apparently the station received numerous complaints, mostly from men who wondered why they went back to the game so soon.

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Heterosexual with issues.

January 31, 2009

Disgraced former minister Ted Haggard said on “Oprah” and he is not gay, he is just “heterosexual with issues.”

In related news, Bill Clinton and John Edwards said they were not cheating husbands, they were just “monogamous with issues.”

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And by that standard, our country’s not in a recession. We’re just in a strong economy with issues.

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As America’s favorite singing competition heads into it’s eighth year, Fox is also considering a show about George W. Bush during his eight years in office. The working title – “American Idle.”

World Baseball Classic games that are still tied going into the 13th inning, the WBC will use an odd international baseball rule . From that point on innings will start with runners on first and second. This rule apparently was inspired by the Mets bullpen.

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This year’s Super Bowl might draw one of the smallest viewing audiences in recent memory. The audience will, however, be boosted by the fact that most Americans can’t afford to go to the movies instead.

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You know NBC is worried about the potential appeal of an Arizona – Pittsburgh matchup. In fact, rumor has it they are marketing the game ad time as the pre and post concert show for Bruce Springsteen.

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Scary thought of the night – Bruce Springsteen is 12 years older than our President.

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Rod, we hardly knew ye…

January 30, 2009

Despite the rough economy, Americans are a resilient lot. Comedy writers, for example, shrugged off the departure of President Bush and vowed to persevere. But now losing Governor Blagojevich. That’s serious.

But for a farewell tour…

Governor Rod Blagojevich asked Illinois state senators how they could throw him out of office when he was “clamoring” and “begging” for a chance to prove his innocence. How? 59-0, that’s how.

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Might as well say this now, because who knows when it could change.

As of today, January 30, Illinois’s governor is neither under investigation or indictment.

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Barack Obama, in another landmark political move, actually admitted he is rooting for one team over another in the Super Bowl. Our new President is rooting for the Steelers, although he says he admires veteran Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner.

Of course, who better than Obama to know not to bet on the old white guy from Arizona?

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The U.S. banking bailout may cost a trillion dollars. Wow. A trillion dollars. That’s enough money to outfit Sarah Palin for over a year.

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Now that Joe Torre has co-authored a new tell-all book about the Yankees, the team is considering a confidentialty clause in future so that players and staff cannot tarnish the team’s reputation in print.

Instead, they’ll just have to do it on the field.

(Or by dating Madonna.)

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In the wake of Joe Torre’s new book, Yankees officials are considering steps to ensure that all future volumes about the team are “positive in tone.” Which means that no one will be allowed to write a book about the Bronx Bombers in the playoffs.

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