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Snakes on a higher plane?

May 31, 2012

Mack Wolford, 43, a “serpent-handling” West Virginia pastor, died after his rattlesnake bit him during a church ritual. He had told the Washington Post in 2011 that he watched a snake kill his father in the same ritual 28 years ago. Not sure if Darwin is laughing or crying.

 

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Some said Jesse Orosco only stayed in the big leagues because he was a left-handed pitcher who could consistently get Barry Bonds out.  In the same vein,  the Diamondbacks’  Paul Goldschmidt has to be wishing Tim Lincecum pitches forever to give him the same opportunity.   Goldschmidt has 12 HRs in his career  – Four are against Lincecum.

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So when Mitt Romney did a fundraiser with “birther” Donald Trump, he said he didn’t always agree with his supporters and vice-versa, but he needed that 50.1%. Now, President Obama actually quit Jeremiah Wright’s church, but nonetheless by that standard is Romney saying attacks by his SuperPACs linking Obama and Rev. Wright are off limits?

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Despite the SF Giants-LA Dodgers rivalry, most San Jose residents don’t seem too upset about the Kings being in the Stanley Cup finals. In fact, when asked how they feel about Los Angeles winning the NHL championship, the most common response from Northern Californians was “Los Angeles has a hockey team?

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Steve Spurrier is now proposing that college athletes in revenue-producing sports, such as men’s basketball and football, be paid “approximately $3,500 to $4,000” on top of their scholarships to cover living expenses. And SEC players howled – “No way are we taking that pay cut.”

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Who says there’s no sympathy between rivals in baseball. Los Angeles Dodgers star Matt Kemp left tonight’s game after re-aggravating the left hamstring that put him on the DL already this year. And the SF Giants and their fans are saying to him “Hey, take care of yourself, rest, and for heaven’s sake don’t rush back.”

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This John Edwards jury deliberation is lasting longer than one of John’s $400 haircuts.

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Donald Trump has tweeted “What could be better than dinner with @MittRomney and me?” Well, for starters, a root canal.

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SF 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh said the 49ers always wanted to keep Alex Smith, and regarding their “pursuit” of Peyton Manning: “It’s phoney, even the perception we were pursuing him. We were evaluating him.” Sounds like the same rationale some married men use while chatting up young women in hotel bars.

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“I’ll be here all week, try the truffle and caviar topped veal…”

March 29, 2012

Yep, he’s a laugh a minute. Mitt Romney has moved on to Wisconsin, where he told anecdotes to a crowd, saying “One of the most humorous I think relates to my father….” The story was about his dad closing a factory….

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Arlen Specter said today “Bill [Maher] had it exactly right; he said that Mitt Romney has changed positions more often than a pornographic movie queen.” Prompting immediate demands for an apology – from porn movie queens.

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Matt Kemp, on the sale of his team to a group led by Magic Johnson – “This is a pretty good day for the Dodgers.” True enough, but isn’t any day that gets Frank McCourt out of the owner’s box a “pretty good day for the Dodgers?”

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Unreal, Frank McCourt almost destroys a once-proud Dodgers franchise, and walks away with several hundred million dollars. What’s next? Someone will hire him to run an airline?

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Dwayne Wade is apparently writing a book on fatherhood, and said “For me, it was therapeutic to do this.” Impressive in this “one and done” age for NBA players. Not only that Wade can write a book, but that he knows the word “therapeutic.”

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In case you missed opening night (late night), by the time you read this, you’ve probably already also missed the 2nd game of the 2012 MLB Baseball season was televised live March 29 on MLB Network and MLB.TV with no blackout restrictions. At 2:00am Pacific Time. Thank you Bud Selig.

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Justice Scalia to Paul Clement, the lawyer arguing against “Obamacare” – “Is there any chance at all that 26 States opposing it have Republican governors and all of the states supporting it have Democratic governors? Is that possible?” Wonder if Scalia next asked if there was gambling in Casablanca?
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Bill Parcells, on the possible interim Saints coaching job: “Sean’s become a dear, dear friend. I’m trying to be a friend. If he needs me and the owner and GM feel the same way, then I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t consider it.” That and the Saints may be able to give him several million more reasons.

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One question after Romney’s latest “did he say that?” moment, i.e. telling a “humorous story” about his father closing a factory. So where does Mitt find his speechwriters?

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Tom Verducci of Sports Illustrated has made his predictions for the 2012 MLB season and he has the New York Mets in last place in the NL East with a 75-87 record. Longtime New York fans are shocked – Verducci actually thinks the Mets will win 75 games?

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It’s official, there will be an “Anchorman 2” starring Will Ferrell. I don’t know how to put this but I guess that’s kind of a big deal.

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From Marc Ragovin: New Jet Blue Slogan. “We’re Crazy About Flying.”

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Friday night tacky.

July 23, 2011

Bail was set at $1 million for the Southern California woman who allegedly took a knife to her husband’s penis and put it down the garbage disposal.

Guess they were afraid she was likely to cut and run.

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Need a diet aid?   Just read up about the relationship between “Lost” actor Doug Hutchison, 51, and his 16-year-old wife Courtney Stodden.  The couple, who married in May, gave an intimate interview to “E” news.

“I’ve got to say, if there’s only one caveat to the ocean between our [ages], I wished I was a virgin when we met,” 
“It’s fine that he wasn’t!” she exclaimed. “He’s a tiger!”

Even Hugh Hefner is thinking “That’s just gross.”

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Two famous stars on the Tonight Show Friday night – Dolly Parton was Jay’s guest.

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With all these back and forth accusations of lying and not dealing in good faith, I’m getting confused. Does Congress have something to do with the lockout and the NFL with the debt ceiling?

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Wonder what would happen if God actually whispered in the ear of one of these Tea Party types “Any of you read the Bible? Jesus would tax the rich.”

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Best wishes to Christopher Schwarzengger, 13, who is fortunately expected to make a full recovery from his injuries. But the AP has it a little wrong with the lead sentence: “Arnold Schwarzenegger’s youngest son is recovering in a hospital after a body-boarding accident at a Malibu beach.”

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And they wonder why U.S. airlines have such a bad reputation – Continental’s phone response today “Your call will be answered between one hour and two minutes and one hour and twenty minutes from now.”

Of course, it does beat (barely) the “Due to a high volume of calls, we are unable to take your call at this time.”  With a hangup and then busy signal.

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Bristol Palin is continuing her book tour, and Thursday night on Dr. Drew said she was “stupid” to lie to her mother about the spring night in 2006 she lost her virginity to Levi Johnson. Okay, fine, and she was somehow on a higher plain the next couple years, since Tripp was born in late December 2008?

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New York 17,  Oakland 7.   Uh, I know I’ve heard talk of a deal.  But how did I miss the start of the NFL preseason?

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From Zev Karlin-Neumann:  “It’s supposed to be 100+ degrees and stormy in DC Saturday. I say hold the debt ceiling talks outside until there’s a deal…”

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A judge has rejected the Los Angeles Dodgers’ proposed $150 million bankruptcy financing plan. Guess he figured the plan was as likely to succeed as their team on the field this season.

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On an actual serious note, I don’t agree with everything President Obama does. But amazed by the vitriol from some Democrats. Guess they thought when Barack was talking about compromise across the aisle and “no blue states and no red states” that he was just kidding?

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What if all these candidates like Perry and Bachmann really are hearing God’s voice telling them to run? Does this mean God is a frustrated stand-up comic?  (Or as Paul Seaburn says, “No, just a comedy writer looking for four more years of material.”)

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Mitt Romney has Meg Whitman as finance director for his 2012 Presidential run. Because nothing says you can make responsible decisions about our nation’s economy like hiring someone who spent $150 million on her own failed campaign.”

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Happy Canada Day.

July 1, 2011

Canada Day – formerly Dominion Day –  celebrates celebrating the anniversary of the July 1, 1867, enactment of the British North America/Constitution Act, uniting three former British colonies into one country. 

Just think, had the Constitution Act someone included Alaska, Sarah Palin would be their problem.

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Anyone else with a mean streak really want to hear some reporter ask Palin or Bachman about the origin of Canada day?

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Canada Day is marked by fireworks around the country.  Of course some of those fires may be from Canucks fans who are still getting over the Stanley Cup playoffs.

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The travel story of the day revolves around a Nigerian man who boarded and flew on a Virgin America flight from JFK to Los Angeles without a ticket. He used a fake boarding pass (from the wrong day) and an old expired student id.

The man was caught this week, by Delta Airlines, when he tried to fly using the same tactics to Atlanta. TSA never noticed either time.

But to their credit, TSA catches those four ounce bottles of water every time.

(And can speak from personal experience, at JFK they absolutely caught, and scolded me for, a pocket-sized kleenex in my jeans. Your tax dollars at work.)

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Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp, which actually owned MySpace, sold the company at a $545 million dollar LOSS. And it still might not have been as bad an overall deal as when he sold the Dodgers to Frank McCourt.

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While the Los Angeles Dodgers got approval Tuesday for $150 million bankruptcy financing arrangement, it turns out some team employees’ paychecks have already bounced. And the way the Dodgers are going, anything bounced isn’t likely to be caught.

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in an experiment that may be rolled out on a larger scale, four Starbucks coffee shops in the Seattle area now sell beer and wine. It’s known internally as Operation “And You Thought Our Coffee Was Expensive.”

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If the experiment catches on, we might find out the answer to a whole new question – just how many different ways can a person order a glass of wine?  And of course, especially when that person is in front of you in line.

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According to ESPN, apparently negotiations between NFL owners and players are moving “backwards.” And “optimism is waning.” I don’t know – season ticketholders in Cincinnati and Charlotte, for example, are thinking they might waste a whole lot less money this fall.

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No NFL and no NBA this fall? We could be looking at a baby boomlet next spring and summer. And/or a possible increase in the divorce rate.

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Mark Halperin was suspended from MSNBC, after he didn’t realize he was on air this morning and referred to President Barack Obama as a “d*ck.” Considering Halperin has been accused in the past of having a liberal bias, I can only imagine what he has said off air about Palin and Bachmann. .

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From Gary Morton:  Even though the Pope used an iPad to Tweet, the Catholic Church is not exactly the bastion of cutting-edge technology. In fact, before this week, the only hi-tech device that the Catholic Church was familiar with is the electronic ankle monitor.

 

 

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LA LA land?

June 28, 2011

The Los Angeles Dodgers declared bankruptcy today. So does this really make them “America’s Team?”

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Frank McCourt stated that despite the bankruptcy, for the Dodgers it would be “business as usual.”  That’s what real fans are afraid of.

Picture from my friend Daniel Silveira.

New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez divulged that he has been playing through a secret knee injury, which he says he suffered a week ago while pivoting. Wonder which mirror he was in front of at the time?

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Meanwhile, on Tuesday in Wrigley Field, number 75 takes the mound for the SF Giants for the first time since April 16. Hard to believe – all that torture in the past 2 1/2 months, and Barry Zito was nowhere in sight.

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Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was convicted Monday on 17 of the 20 public corruption charges against him. Blago’s biggest mistake? Deciding to commit high-profile crimes in Illinois instead of Los Angeles.

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A former Citigroup V.P., Gary Foster, has been arrested and charged with charged with embezzling $19 million by transferring money from various Citibank accounts to his personal account at another bank. Great. Commit financial crimes against individuals, get arrested. Commit financial crimes against an entire country, get a bail out.

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Serena and Venus Williams both eliminated at Wimbledon. Who do these sisters think they are? American men?

But really, Americans are out of Wimbledon, and now off the leader board at most PGA events. Baseball may yet again be the “Great American Pastime” – it’s the only summer sport we’re still any good at.

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Fox News’s Chris Wallace now says he “messed up” by asking Michelle Bachmann whether she’s a “flake.” Apparently the network got an angry request for an apology – from Kellogg’s.

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Michelle Bachmann has already mixed up Lexington, MA and Lexington, NH. Today she said, “John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too.” Except that the John Wayne from Waterloo was serial killer John Wayne Gacy, executed in 1994 for 33 murders. Think out of all those Gingrich staffers that quit Bachmann could find a good fact-checker?

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Executive privilege?

June 2, 2011

NJ Governor Chris Christie is under fire for using a state police helicopter to get from his son’s baseball game in Montvale, N.J. to Princeton. Good thing Arnold Schwarzenegger used his own jet, heaven knows how many baseball games and sons the former California governor might have had.

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The Bruins were 0-6 with a man advantage tonight in their 1-0 loss to the Canucks Wednesday night. So maybe instead of calling it a “power play”, Boston should call it a “brownout” play.

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The space shuttle Endeavour landed safely this morning and is now retired. Although NASA got a call from Brett Favre about the possibility of being a civilian passenger on the next flight.

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The parents of “balloon boy” are prohibited by their probation terms from making money off their story until 2013. But the couple said they will auction off the helium balloon they claimed their son floated away in to raise money for earthquake and tsunami relief in Japan. With all due respect, if it got them publicity, I think these two would auction off their son.

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A survey by a British travel agency says that while the average woman packs ten pairs of underwear for a one week trip, the average man packs three. I guess for men that means two pairs for emergencies

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According to the AP, Snooki had her international driver’s license revoked in Italy after she rear-ended her police escort and slightly injured two policemen. Just one question – who the heck gave Snooki an international driver’s license?

(As my friend Tim says “who gave her a passport?”)

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A terminal at New Jersey’s Newark Airport was briefly evacuated by authorities tonight while they investigated a suspicious package. Anthony Weiner immediately issued a statement calling the incident a prank, but said he could not confirm that the package wasn’t his.

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Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor is already suspended for selling memorabilia, and under investigation for possibly illegal benefits involving cars. Now Pryor has been seen driving a Nissan 350-Z around Columbus, despite a suspended driver’s license. Well, on the bright side, with these antics, Terrelle’s well on his way to being a first round draft pick for the Cincinnati Bengals.

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Shaquille O’Neal has announced his retirement, apparently because injuries won’t let him continue to play at a serious NBA level. Which doesn’t rule out him getting an offer from the Washington Wizards.

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A group of 100 eighth grade students from Pennsylvania went on a field trip to Baltimore. They had to split into smaller groups for lunch, and apparently about 15-20 of them going to Hooters. Well, it’s good to see that parents who chaperone now include fathers.

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Paris Hilton was interviewed by CNN’s Piers Morgan and called the her sex tape “the most embarrassing humiliating thing.” Well, except for her new show “The World According to Paris.”

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The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim had their plane make an emergency landing at Los Angeles International Airport, instead of Orange County airport 40 miles way.  The landing was due to a problem with the plane’s hydraulic system. Now, if something similar had happened to the Dodgers, it probably would have been from Frank McCourt not paying the fuel bill.

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Memorial Day Weekend

May 28, 2011

When most Americans look back and remember when gas was under $3 a gallon.

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Frank McCourt has apparently secured funds to make the Dodgers payroll this month. Ah, for the good old days in Los Angeles when the only payroll worries for sports fans were about anyone finding out how much the players were getting paid at USC.

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Amy Winehouse checked back into rehab in London this week, but according to the British media, not before stopping at a shop to buy a small bottle of vodka that she swigged immediately. That’s like Lindsay Lohan stopping on her way to home confinement to go jewelery shopping.

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Fox News fired Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum because of their intentions to run for President. But despite similar signs from Sarah Palin, the network is keeping her on as a contributor. Translation, compared to Gingrich and Santorum, Palin has higher ratings.

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Many sports fans around the world Saturday were rivited to the Champions’ League soccer championships between Barcelona and ManU.  In the U.S., however, many would just have asked “where’s Manu?”

(responded Jerry Hoffman, “with the Spurs.”)

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The world didn’t end last weekend. Although in Chicago, where the Cubs have lost two straight to the lowly Pirates, including a 10-0 shellacking, the 2011 season may be officially over.

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Amazing, Francisco Liriano of the Twins pitched a no-hitter earlier this month, and Anthony Swarzak almost pitched one today (into the 8th).  What’s most amazing, these pitchers have done this without the benefit of pitching to their own lineup. 

 

And we wonder why U.S. airlines have such lousy reputations for both service and profitability – example number 334:

Video announcement on United Airlines  “We’re taking significant steps in our merger with Continental Airlines – we’ve painted our planes….”  (Really, followed by all the things they are going to do.  Though to be fair the two airlines have synchonized boarding procedures, and some fees, usually by raising the lower of the two.)

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From Bill Littlejohn:  “Yuma Scorpions manager Jose Canseco, who is smitten with her and has proposed marriage, has declared May 30th ‘Lady Gaga Night’ at the team’s home park.Free admission will be granted to those producing a restraining order”

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Oh baby.

May 18, 2011

 Pakistan’s leaders are still facing allegations that they had to know about Bin Laden’s presence, which they deny. Their rejoinder today? “Hey, no one in your goverment and or even your media knew about Schwarzenegger’s ‘love child.'”

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It turns out Arnold Schwarzenegger’s youngest sons – by different women – were born days apart – September 28 and October 2, 1997. You know, some men keep busy in January by watching football and maybe skiiing.

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But come on folks, everyone can’t believe why Arnold went to his relatively plain looking housekeeper for sex when he was a big celebrity married to a beautiful woman. In the words of Maureen Dowd when the Clinton-Monica story broke – “Men are lazy, they go for the closest doughnut on the plate.”

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Some say the reason there is no male birth control pill is that it’s too expensive.  Although as Arnold can no doubt tell  us, so is the alternative…

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The happiest people in Los Angeles right now about Schwarzenegger’s love-child? The Lakers and Frank McCourt. At least temporarily they’re not the most embarrassing stories in town.

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And somewhere, Tiger Woods is thinking, it could be worse….

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From my friend Ben Pesta,  who said his friend Laurie Werner, of New York, wrote: “On June 10th, it’s ‘Jorge Posada figurine night’ at the Stadium. Guess he has to stay in the lineup until then.” I answered that they should put the figurine in the lineup; it’s hitting better ….”

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Speaking of which, the Giants’ Mark DeRosa is on the DL. Which means for the next two weeks he’ll get as many hits as he got the last two weeks.

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More cheers than boos when Cody Ross hit a 3-run home run in the top of the ninth at Dodger Stadium. Of course, it’s the ninth inning, there are more Giants fans left than Dodgers fans.

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Minnesota Timberwolves president David Kahn, who commented about the NBA lottery being fixed, now says he was joking and it was “simply fate” that the Cavaliers got the first pick. He made this statement after commissioner David Stern said if he didn’t take it back, the league would make sure the Timberwolves NEVER got a good pick.

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Possible knucklehead comment of the week in a crowded field -from Rick Santorum: John McCain “doesn’t understand how enhanced interrogation works.”

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On the other hand, count on Sir Charles (Charles Barkley) for a direct statement regarding gay athletes: “It bothers me when I hear these reporters and jocks get on TV and say: ‘Oh, no guy can come out in a team sport. These guys would go crazy.’ First of all, quit telling me what I think. I’d rather have a gay guy who can play than a straight guy who can’t play.”

(I’m thinking right about now Kobe Bryant might have gone for a whole bench of gay players instead of his teammates in round two.)

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If the world is really going to end on May 21, does that mean that no one should skip dessert on the 20th?

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Opening week…

September 5, 2010

So most Division 1 football teams have made it through the first week of the season. Many of them with wins against FCS opponents

(FCS – Football Championship Subdivision – formerly known as Division 1-AA)

But really, routs against FCS teams? This is like winning a hot dog eating contest with supermodels.

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Or being the NFL team who gets to open against the Detroit Lions.

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How the mighty have fallen. Jonathan Broxton was an All-Star closer and saved the game for the National League. Since then he hasn’t saved a game since Aug 3, and has lost his closer’s job with the Dodgers. And yesterday he gave up a two-run game winning home run against the Giants.

This could be the biggest and fastest fall for a star without an Escalade being involved.

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Manny Ramirez, who got a few hits in the series when the White Sox swept the Red Sox, said his departure from Boston was “my fault,” and he would have happily rejoined his old team had they claimed on waivers.

Okay, how many Sox fans would have expected more mature behavior out of Manny than Johnny Damon.

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from Nick Coombs: Matt Leinart was released from the Arizona Cardinals yesterday. Fortunately he still has a lot of money saved from when he played for USC.
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JetBlue apparently has fired Steven Slater, the flight attendant who became famous for his emergency chute beer-carrying exit. Makes sense, the only employees who can behave that badly in public and still keep their jobs are elected officials and professional athletes.

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California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman stated “I have been a full-time candidate for well over 20 months. I’m battle tested now.” Uh, Meg, anybody warn you about little things like a budget and a legislature?

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Mark Hurd, former CEO of HP, is reportedly in talks to join Oracle. Makes sense, at Oracle being involved in a public sex case is practically an executive requirement.

(Larry Ellison has been linked to several office “romances” and at least one lawsuit, Oracle president Charles Phillips had his ex-mistress put a picture of the two together on a billboard in Times Square.)

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We’ll always have Paris…

September 2, 2010

Paris Hilton that is, a one-woman economic stimulus package to comedy writers.

Now she says she thought the cocaine in her purse was gum. Sort of puts a whole new slant on the concept of “Blowing bubbles.”

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But let’s see, mistaking cocaine for gum? Makes that “flaxseed oil” defense sound almost reasonable.

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I suppose Paris could have used the defense that she thought the marijuana was oregano, but that would have required at some point in her life that the woman had been in a kitchen.

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Lindsay Lohan says she is not an alcoholic or a drug user, and that she is “no longer young and irresponsible.” Of course not, she is now grown up and irresponsible.

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Burger King is reportedly in talks to be acquired by a private equity firm. The companies are said to be working out final stock purchase details, as in “Do you want fries with that?”

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President Obama called former President George W. Bush yesterday before his speech on the Iraq War. It was partly to be conciliatory and above politics, and also to tell W. that while Obama was redecorating the Oval Office he had ordered staff to put all of Bush’s art projects in a safe place.

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An attorney testified today in the McCourts’ divorce trial, that Frank McCourt told her he wasn’t going to sign a revised marital agreement that would share the Los Angeles Dodgers with his wife. If Frank really wanted to make Jamie, suffer, however, he would have given her the whole team.
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During practice yesterday, Kendall Langford of the Miami Dolphins apparently lost a 2.5 carat diamond earring valued at $50,000 on the field. It was the most ridiculous waste of money during the preseason since JaMarcus Russell was still doing drills with the Raiders.

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In the California leglislature, it’s another year, another deadlock. We can’t even call the California budget a political football – – you can actually pass a football.

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Also in Calfornia, in Carly Fiorina’s Senate debate with Barbara Boxer, Fiorina compared the state’s economic climate unfavorably to China’s, saying “China has done wonderful things to create jobs.”

This may be true, but even now in the California the unemployment rate isn’t so bad for eight-year olds.

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Another one bites the dust…

August 17, 2010

Latest sports oxymoron – Dodgers closer.

(A Los Angeles friend of mine says he has gotten so fed up he wants to see the team go for the record of the most different players to blow a save in one year.)

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The World Anti-Doping Agency chief John Fahey was quoted as saying that Major League Baseball is “misleading” the public by not instituting a “transparent and rigorous drug testing program.”

Fahey added that “the integrity of the game will eventually be called into question.” With all due respect, where has he been for the last five years?

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At this point, isn’t questioning the integrity of Major League Baseball under Bud Selig like questioning Tiger Woods’ ability to be a role model?

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Protesters in Washington urged Bud Selig to move the All-Star game from Arizona in 2011 due to the immigration bill, but Selig said he doesn’t want to get involved in a “political issue.” “Political issue?” – Heck, as the steroids saga and the As attempted move to San Jose have shown, Bud doesn’t want to get involved with ANY issue

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Glen Coffee, 23, abruptly retired from the 49ers saying he no longer wanted to play football, and there are rumors he wants to go into the ministry. I don’t know, what better way to get people praying on Sunday than to play for a team with Alex Smith at quarterback?

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Or for 49ers fans, a different version.

If Coffee really wants people to pray on Sunday he should wait and see if he can hook up with whatever team finally gets desperate enough to take a chance on JaMarcus Russell.

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Debi Thomas, the 1986 World Champion and 1988 Olympic bronze medalist is now a surgeon but has plans to skate again professionally. She and other former stars are coming out of retirement for a December show “A Salute to the Golden Age of American Skating Dec. 11.” The show’s working subtitle? “You punks get off our ice.”.

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So after getting himself arrested for an altercation with his father-in-law, K-Rod will now need season-ending surgery for an torn finger ligament he apparently sustained during that fight. Good thing the Mets don’t have any important games left to close.

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Prop 8 backers in California filed papers today arguing that “gay marriages would harm the state’s interest in promoting responsible procreation through heterosexual marriage.” I guess these people never heard of “Octomom?”

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“Eat, Pray, Love” took in over $23 million this weekend at the box office. With an announced audience that included 28 percent men. Shouldn’t that be 28 men, period?

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A new broom…

August 2, 2010

The SF Giants swept the Dodgers for the first time in San Francisco in six years. How bad are things going for the Dodgers. The loudest people yelling “Dodgers Suck” are calling into Los Angeles talk radio.

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The New York Mets had their Mets Hall of Fame induction ceremony for Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry today, and then went out and lost 14 to 1. Maybe they should have had Gooden and Strawberry suit up?.

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Stuart Appleby won the Greenbrier Classic tournament today with a PGA record-tying round of 59. This was only the fifth round of 59 ever in PGA first, but the second in 2010. (The last golfer to shoot 59 before 2010 was David Duval in 1999.)

So this year, golf scores are falling like Tiger Woods endorsement contracts.

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A CHP video apparently showed Sacramento basketball star Tyreke Evans driving 120-130 mph on California Interstate 80 . Locals are shocked…. you can find room to drive that fast on I-80?

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Former Oregon quarterback Jeremiah Masoli was suspended and then kicked off the team for a variety of infractions, ranging from pleading guilty to misdemeanor second-degree burglary, to being arrested after a traffic stop for marijuana possession and driving on a suspended license.

Masoli is now attempting to walk on at Old Miss. Apparently he feels the school and program offer him the best option to start over. And it’s the SEC- where to be suspensioned, you really need a conviction for a felony.

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Coach Houston Nutt has indicated he’s giving Nutt a chance because he really believes in the young man. That and because the Running Rebels had been picked to finish last in the SEC.

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The rich get richer department: The New York Yankees, with their $200 million powerhouse lineup, picked up Lance Berkman at the trade deadline. Really? The Yankees needed another hitter like Tiger Woods needed another mistress.

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Or for those who remember: The Yankees need another high priced hitter like Imelda Marcos needed another pair of shoes.

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Sarah Palin’s latest book is titled “America by Heart.” The subtitle presumably, “Except what you need to write on your palm to remember.”
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Giants-Dodgers, and other episodes of the Twilight Zone.

July 21, 2010

Part of Major League Baseball Rule 8.06 “A manager or coach is considered to have concluded his visit to the mound when he leaves the 18-foot circle surrounding the pitcher’s rubber.” Never heard that rule before? Neither had acting Dodgers manager Don Mattingly.

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(for anyone who didnt see tonight’s Giants-Dodger game. A manager is allowed only one visit to a pitcher per inning, the second visit means you must remove your pitcher… Mattingly, who was managing only because Joe Torre and the bench coach had been ejected, came out to speak to his closer with the bases loaded, left the mound, remembered something, and went back briefly. Giants manager Bruce Bochy saw it, told the umpires, and they had no choice but to make him change pitchers. The new pitcher had very little time to warm up, and gave up the game winning hit.)

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And yes, I know, a couple readers have to be thinking… the infield fly rule is bad enough.)

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The Dodgers have lost six in a row and this divorce between Frank and Jamie McCourt is really getting ugly. Each of them are demanding the other take custody of the team.

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Most amazing thing about the weirdest Giants-Dodgers game in recent memory Tuesday night? Manny Ramirez wasn’t even involved.

(The Dodgers placed Manny on the 15 day disabled list today. To be fair, he’s got to be getting close to his third trimester.)

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USC is returning their copy of Reggie Bush’s Heisman trophy to the Heisman trust. I don’t see why…it was certainly bought and paid for.

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You cannot make this stuff up. An convicted felon was stopped by the CHP on a Bay Area highway Sunday and was arrested after he allegedly got into a gun battle with officers using some of his large arsenal.

The man is now telling police he wanted to kill ACLU and Tides foundation employees to start an anti-government revolution. But he wants a public defender.

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Brett Favre’s agent gave an interview to Men’s Journal magazine where he angrily referred to his client as a “drama queen.” Really? What was his first clue?

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Some say Sarah Palin has no business comparing herself to Shakespeare since she has probably never read Shakespeare. But I hear Sarah has become quite fond of this quote from Twelfth Night. “Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.”

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Sarah Palin is now comparing herself to Shakespeare. When asked if she writes in iambic pentameter, Palin responded ‘Of course not, I’m a true American, I write in English.”

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According to a “representative” for Bristol Palin, her upcoming wedding and marriage will not become a reality show.” So for now Bristol’s “focus remains on doing what is best for Tripp and her family.” Translation, she hasn’t gotten a good enough offer.
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last word from Bill Littlejohn:

After almost a week, there seems to be no significant leaks and it looks like it might hold. But enough about Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety”

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Swinging in the Rain…..

October 28, 2009

Actually, “Swinging in the Rain” could be the headline in Philadelphia papers after the Phillies 6-1 win.

As opposed to the headling in the New York papers “Swinging and missing in the rain.”

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Bud Selig defended his decision to extend the post-season at the request of Fox Sports, despite the lousy weather for many of the playoff series. If this keeps up, stay tuned in a few years for the MLB World Series -advent calendar.

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In World Series game one, Phillies pitcher Cliff Lee threw a game for the ages. In game two, Pedro Martinez hopes to throw one for the aged.

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Shocking new poll. 7 out of 10 Americans think Sarah Palin is not qualified to be President. That means 3 out of 10 actually think she is.

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Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt has fired his estranged wife Jamie as the team’s chief executive, alleging that among other thing, she had an affair with her bodyguard. Maybe he’s just jealous that during the NLCS, Jamie may have scored more than the Dodgers.

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California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman skipped her fourth GOP debate tonight. Wonder why she would do that? Because, debates are considered to be important and a major factor in decision-making by most regular voters. Oops, never mind.

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Yet more off days…

October 22, 2009

Due to television scheduling the Yankees-Angels had a day between games four and five, and now have another day between games five and six. This is certainly a record playoff year for “off days.” Including for the umpires.

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For what it’s worth, had New York won tonight, the World Series wouldn’t have started for six days. Which might have given Yankees fans enough time to take out mortgages to buy Series tickets.

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Yahoo has now apologized for using lap dancers to entertain male software developers and engineers in Taiwan last weekend during a “brainstorming meeting.” Yeah, was that really the brain they wanted to encourage the men to use?

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So after bypassing Minneapolis the first time, a Northwest Airlines jet made a U-turn and ended up landing there safely. Who was flying the plane – Brett Favre?

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A Northwest Airlines plane flying from San Diego overshot Minneapolis airport by 150 miles yesterday before the crew discovered their mistake and turned around. My question, do the passengers get 300 extra frequent flier miles?

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Maybe Dodgers fans should cut Manny Ramirez some slack for his weak performance in the NLCS. It’s tough to play with post-partum depression.

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Manny Ramirez not only finished the NLCS with a .263 batting average and only 2 RBIs, he had left the dugout was taking a shower during the Phillies comeback in game 4. Though as Bill Littlejohn says “Well, he was the cleanup hitter.”
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It has now been 21 years since the Dodgers got to the World Series. On a more positive note, the team issued a press release saying that by not needing a victory parade, they have cut down on their carbon footprint.

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California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is trying to fast-track a potential new NFL stadium in Los Angeles in hopes of luring a franchise to the city. And he stated “A team does not have to necessarily come from a California city,” he said. “It can come from somewhere else, or it could be a new team that is created.”

Translation, not even Los Angeles wants the Raiders, 49ers or Chargers.

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For that matter, presumably Los Angeles doesn’t want the Rams back either.

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Listening to ESPN baseball analysts discuss Saturday’s Yankees-Angels game and claiming that a team’s history doesn’t make any difference to a current team of players who weren’t even there. Two words – Chicago Cubs.

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This last may not make sense to anyone under 40. But Soupy Sales died Thursday at the age of 83. Wonder if his tombstone will read “Fit to be Pied?”

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