Archive for the ‘sports jokes’ category
September 4, 2011
Not the best weekend for the new Pac 12. Stanford, Arizona, Cal, Utah, Washington and Arizona State handled their cream puff opponents relatively easily.
But Oregon lost to LSU, Colorado lost to Hawaii, UCLA lost to Houston, and Oregon State lost to Sacramento State.
Meanwhile USC and Washington needed late interceptions to hold off Minnesota and Eastern Washington, respectively.
Maybe the reason the conference, originally the Pac 8,is considering becoming the Pac 16, is to find eight teams who can consistently win.
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And yes, that’s not a mistake, Oregon State did lose to Sacramento State. Insert Beavers joke here:
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That Oregon State loss to Sacramento State in football just might be the most embarrassing performance in orange and black seen since before the SF Giants cut Aaron Rowand and Miguel Tejada.
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Utah State collapsed so quickly against Auburn today you have to wonder if the same booster who bought Cam Newton bought off their defense.
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Meanwhile, Cam Newton has been announced as the starting QB for the Panthers’ opener next Sunday against Arizona. No word on how much of a bonus Carolina paid his father.
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After there close call today against Utah State, Auburn is trying to reschedule next year’s season opener. They hope the University of Phoenix is available.
Meanwhile on Friday night, Baylor 50, TCU 48. Think somewhere at BCS headquarters an executive just gleefully made an big X on their 2011 potential problems list?
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Dick Cheney appeared Friday night on the Tonight Show dressed as Darth Vader. This prompted an immediate demand for an apology – from Darth Vader.
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Michele Bachmann now says her “God sending the hurricane as a message” comments were a “joke.” So where’s her joke on God sending that 6.8 earthquake in Alaska as a message for Sarah Palin to shut up?
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Sarah Palin said today in a speech that America was in a “systemic crisis.” Wonder which of her staff wrote “systemic” on her palm?”
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Despite speculation that she would finally announce her decision Saturday, Sarah Palin says she is still deciding whether to enter the Presidential race. Although if she does run, Palin’s alreay picked out her campaign manager – Brett Favre.
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Notre Dame’s stadium had to be evacuated twice during their game against USF due to nearby lightning strikes. The game, was however, finally completed – six hours after play initially started, with USF winning 23 to 20. Still, some would say God did all He could to avoid a Fighting Irish loss.
The original A T & T was broken up as the result of an antitrust suit in 1983. Since then Southwestern Bell, one of the seven new companies, has been buying companies, including Pac Bell and their original parent, and they are A T & T again, the 7th biggest company in the U.S. Trying to get bigger. They’re a regenerating corporate starfish.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cam Newton jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, Oregon State jokes, Pac 12 jokes
Comments: 8 Comments
September 3, 2011
On a positive note for Northern California sports fans, Stanford’s football team kicks off their season today against San Jose State. And considering the way the 49ers and Raiders are playing in the pre-season, the Cardinal just might be the best team in the Bay Area.
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Meanwhile up in Eugene: QB Jeremiah Massoli was booted in 2010 after a burglary arrest, RB LaMichael James was suspended the same year over a domestic violence charge, and now QB Cliff Harris has been suspended after he was cited for driving 118 mph (and telling a state trooper on tape “there’s no marijuana, we smoked it all.”) Isn’t it time to rename the team the Oregon Bengals?
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Boise State will be without three starters for their season opener against Georgia, pending a review of those players’ NCAA eligibility. Yep, looks like the Broncos have made it to the big time.
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George W. Bush declined to criticize Dick Cheney’s book saying simply “I’m glad members of my family are giving their version of what it was like to serve our country.” Translation – “does anyone REALLY think I’ll read the thing?
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The post office is going to come out with a Ted Williams stamp. All paper cuts from licking the stamp will presumably only come from splendid splinters.
(Or as my friend Alex Schubert says, from ice crystals.)
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Sarah Palin is planning a major speech to a Tea Party rally in Iowa, which amongts other things, will be a “sharp indictment” of President Obama. Well, of course, amongst his other failings, Obama has gone past the halfway point of his term without quitting.
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GOP Candidate Ron Paul is lagging in the polls. Friday in New Hampshire he invited staffers and reporters to join him on a bike ride. During the ride, 76 year old congressman wore shorts. Please, no one give this idea to Newt Gingrich.
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For some time now, savvy travelers from the U.S. to Canada have known they could check a bag for free by booking the identical flight as Air Canada instead of their code-share partner United. Today the two carriers streamlined their policies – Air Canada will start charging too. Yeah,corporations are people. Greedy people.
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Derek Holland of the Texas Rangers has been averaging more than 7 runs of support a game when he has taken the mound in 2011. That background sound you hear is SF Giants pitchers quietly sobbing.
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Actually, the Giants, in their first game of September with the expanded rosters, actually scored some runs and beat the Arizona Diamondbacks 6-2.
Bringing up the question, why didn’t manager Bruce Bochy take a page from “50 First Dates” and set the clubhouse calendar to Sept 1 weeks ago?
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The NCAA punished UConn’s mens basketball team for rules violations and poor academic performance with a loss of scholarships. But now that star recruit Andre Drummond has at the last minute decided to skip prep school and join the Huskies, another player gave up his scholarship for him. Well, at least Drummond will only need the scholarship for a year.
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Here’s a potential solution to the “One and Done” issue in College Basketball. (A variation on the baseball model which says that college players must stay three years.) A school can give a scholarship to any star, even one they don’t think will stay. But that scholarship can’t be used again for three years, whether he leaves for the NBA or not.
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Former OSU coach Jim Tressel was just hired by the Indianapolis Colts as a game-day consultant to help determine when the team should challenge plays. Wonder if the Colts will pay him in memorabilia and tattoos?
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My friend Mark Brickman said of the current Congress: “They wouldn’t save their own mother if it somehow benefited the President.” Well, I think actually they might. But they would blame whatever put her life in danger on Obama.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, Oregon jokes, Ron Paul jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 2, 2011
Hard to believe (in the U.S) it’s almost time for the first regular season professional football game of the year. And after LSU-Oregon Saturday night, the Saints-Packers kick off next Thursday.
Wisconsin 51, UNLV 17. Many fans who tuned into this opening night college football game were unaware UNLV had a D1 team. And after tonight, they’re still not sure.
Oxymoron containing sentence of the day: Sarah Palin is traveling to South Korea to speak at the “World Knowledge Forum” (Isn’t this like John Edwards speaking at a Marriage Forum?)
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Ohio State is struggling to regain their reputation after the football benefits scandal. But the university reported today that three more players received impermissible benefits of $300 or less this year. AFTER the suspensions and Tressel’s firing. Can’t imagine how football players get the reputation of being stupid.
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San Jose police are looking for people who grabbed bags of marijuana that spilled onto the road from a truck that crashed in south San Jose last night. Apparently the driver fled the crash, and bystanders grabbed all but a few bags. Have the police tried stakeouts in front of local shelves stocked with Doritos?
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Much controversy out there about Chaz Bono, as a transgender man, being on “Dancing With the Stars.” Because some believe it condones unacceptable behavior. Well, yeah, it’s a slippery slope. Next thing you know the show will be glorifying young women who have children out of wedlock.
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But really, all this controversy about Chaz Bono, and openly gay contestant Carson Kressley. Do these guys really offend both straight men who watch the show?
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Sarah Palin professes to be very excited about her first trip next month to South Korea. Apparently one of her favorite songs the one she knows as the Korean version of “Hail to the Chief” – “Seoul Man.”
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And the playground antics continue. President Obama changed the date of his planned jobs speech after Republicans complained that it conflicted with a planned GOP primary debate. A lot of commotion on behalf of Americans who wanted to hear the speech and see the the debate too. All three of them.
No one likes wasting money, so I understand why many in the GOP are upset by the failure of solar energy company, Solyndra, after a $535 million loan guarantee by the Energy Department. Of course, I would understand it more if those same Republicans had been complaining over the $1 trillion plus wasted on the Iraq war.
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from T.C. A human foot wearing a running shoe washed ashore in Vancouver this week. This is the 11th incident in BC since 2007. Photos are being sent to Rex Ryan for identification.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Chaz Bono jokes, college football jokes, DWTS jokes, LSU jokes, Palin jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 1, 2011
Although the schools are rivals, Florida State coach is wishing Miami coach Jimbo Fisher “nothing but the best” in dealing with their current scandal. Makes sense, if the Hurricanes get away with it, or find and exploit a loophole to minimize their punishment, the Seminoles can use the case in future as precedent.
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At this point despite overwhelming allegations of illegal benefits given to players, so far the NCAA is only slapping Miami on the wrist. And Pete Carroll is thinking, “Had they only come to this mindset sooner, I could have stayed at USC for a few more years.”
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So now the Big 12 has 9 teams and the Big 10 has 12. And we wonder why college football players aren’t good at math.
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Somehow I think I missed the page in the official MLB rulebook where it states all Yankees-Red Sox games MUST go at least four hours. Even Joe Biden says “these teams go on FOREVER.”
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And regarding those increasingly long Red Sox-Yankees matchups, we need to remember, with commercials and other television requirements, playoff games take even longer.
Should the two teams meet in the ALCS, well suffice it to say the game time might be longer than Britney Spears’ first marriage.
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Stephen Strasburg will return to the Nationals to start on Sept. 6. Washington was considering giving him one more rehab start in the minors, and then figured “We’re playing the Dodgers. Same difference.”
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San Francisco designated Aaron Rowand and Miguel Tejada for assignment. Which means both players will contribute about as much in September for the Giants as they have all year.
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After the SF Giants released two pieces of deadwood (Tejada and Rowand) Wednesday morning, they hit two home runs in that afternoon’s game. Can they release a few more and get more homers?
Inspired by a comment from my friend Neil Berliner: Deja vu all over again. This time it’s an iPhone 5 but once again an Apple employee has lost a prototype device in a bar. Unbelievable. Who’d a thunk two Apple employees knew where to find a bar? (Yeah, I know, there’s an app for that.
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I’m still not getting this. Texas Gov. Rick Perry has talked in the past of seceding from the Union. And Perry still believes in states rights, and says he is only running for President because God wants him to. But considering the God the Governor believes in, why didn’t HE tell Rick to secede and run for President of Texas?
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In honor of the U.S. Open and to use more positive terminology, the SF Giants have asked announcers not to say in future that the team is being shutout. Instead they should refer to the score as, for example 2 – love. (Or in Monday night’s case “7 – love.)
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Condoleeza Rice is the latest to dispute Dick Cheney’s memoir. Rice is denying that she “tearfully admitted” that Cheney was right in saying W. shouldn’t have apologized for claiming that Iraq was searching for uranium for nuclear arms. Well, the claim was pretty unbelievable anyway. Not that Condi cried, but that she would have said anyone else was right about anything.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: college football jokes, Miami jokes, NCAA jokes, Red Sox jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
August 31, 2011
When the SF Giants lost a number of close games on a recent road trip, some fans said, “Cheer up, it could be worse. And the team is coming home to play the Astros and Cubs, two of the worst teams in baseball.”
They were right. It could be worse. And it is worse.
When the Arizona Diamondbacks were in a slump, manager Kirk Gibson cancelled batting practice. Maybe the SF Giants should try the same thing. Not like the batting practice is helping anyway.
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How bad are things going for the SF Giants this month? Their fans are getting sympathy cards postmarked from Wrigley Field.
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Scary statistic for SF Giants fans. Carlos Beltran since the trade has 4 RBIs total. Shortstop Brandon Crawford, now back in the minors, did that his first day in the majors with a grand slam.
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An SF Giants employee was charged with embezzling $1.5 million from team payroll accounts. Apparently the team frowns on taking money without earning it. Unless you signed a free agent contract.
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These days opposing pitchers worry about facing the Giants the way the Lions worried about facing Christians.
The NCAA has punished current University of Miami football players implicated in the benefits scandal. They were all ordered to repay the improper benefits, but four were cleared to play, and four others must just sit out the first game against Maryland. No word on on what kind of ruler the NCAA used to slap the players’ wrists.
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Jeremy Shockey apparently saved one of his new Carolina Panthers teammates from choking today. Shame he couldn’t have saved the Saints last year from choking in the playoffs against the Seahawks.
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Bill Littlejohn’s take on the same story: “Jeremy Shocky helped save a teammate that was choking on a piece of meat by dislodging it from his throat. Bruce Bochy immediately sent for him to perform the same maneuver on Giants’ bats”
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Despite being bashed by Dick Cheney in his memoirs, John McCain took the high road and “From time to time, we have had differences, as is typical for anyone in public life. I wish the Vice President well and that he remains in good health.” (Rumor has it McCain then quietly added “It’s amazing that modern medicine allows for people to live now without either a heart or a brain.”)
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With Texas A & M apparently on the way out of the Big 12, the conference will be looking for new members. If they want a team whose talent level would fit in well, may I suggest the SF 49ers?
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Organizers for a tea party rally in Iowa Tuesday blamed an
“internal miscommunication over the event’s schedule” resulting in their rescinding a speaking slot Tuesday for former GOP Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell. The organizers also blamed random chance for two of them discovering they had been turned into toads.
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Now that the rape charges against him have been dropped, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who always maintained he was simply a scumbag, not a rapist, is considering a run for the Presidency of France. And some are not ruling him out. Meanwhile, the French may be getting a dual citizenship request, from Bill Clinton.
Tim Pawlenty apparently quit the GOP Presidential race after the Iowa straw poll because his campaign was already heavily in debt. Over six months before the primaries even started. And T-Paw was running as someone who could fix the U.S economy and balance the budget…..
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cheney jokes, Clinton jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
August 30, 2011
Not saying things have gone from bad to worse with the San Francisco Giants. But their lineup was just declared eligible for federal disaster relief.
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SF Giants star prospect Gary Brown was named the Calfornia League player of the week, going 17 for 30 at the plate for San Jose. Trying to remember the last time the SF Giants got 17 hits in a week….
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Randy Wells of the Chicago Cubs had a 5.53 ERA this year and had never thrown a shutout in his professional career. Tonight he tosses complete game two hit shutout against the San Francisco Giants. What more do you need to know about the Giants’ 2011 season?
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SF Giants are hoping to improve their woeful offense when rosters expand Sept 1. Wonder if any of the stars from the Huntington Beach Little League World Series champions are available.
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Anyone else notice that headlines indicating “Hurricane Irene wasn’t nearly as bad as expected” usually translate to “New York City didn’t get much damage?”
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No, it’s not your imagination, those lines and hold times are getting longer:
According to the NY Times, quoting Federal Transportation statistics, U.S. airlines had 637,000 employees in 2001 but only 474,000 in June 2011.
But in the airlines’ defense, they say that of those employees who work in reservations, at least a dozen speak English.
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ABC News reports that Warren Jeffs, the polygamous sect leader and convicted child rapist, is in a coma and may not survive. “That’s really a shame,” said absolutely nobody.
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The new lineup is out for “Dancing with the Stars.” Two names on the list: Kim Kardashian’s brother Rob, and political pundit Nancy Grace.
So we are about to find out the answer to that rhetorical question – “Could reality TV possibly get any more annoying?”
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My friend Andy reports a sighting in Columbus, of an Ohio State t-shirt stating “WTF” on the front. And “Lost the vest, still better than the rest” on the back.
“Lost” the vest? At OSU? Nah, sold it more likely. Or traded it for tattoos.
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A male fan was knocked unconscious when he fell in a stairwell at Rangers Ballpark. Many have assumed it was alcohol related but the Texas Rangers for now are not giving out any information. Of course, this is the team formerly owned by George W. Bush. It could have been a pretzel.
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Michael Vick and the Philadlephia Eagles have apparently agreed to a six-year, $100 million contract. Wonder how much that is in dog years.
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This just in: Michele Bachmann’s campaign now says she was only joking when she described Hurricane Irene the D.C earthquake as a warning from God.
This also just in: God says He was only joking when he sent us Michele Bachmann.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: DWTS jokes, Michael Vick jokes, Michele Bachmann jokes, San Francisco Giants, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 29, 2011
Open note to anyone who stumbled upon this blog looking for Hurricane Irene jokes. I live in Northern California (hence the “Left Coast”) And normally I write jokes primarily about sports, politics, but also current events and some pop culture craziness. Feel free to stop by again anytime. Janice Hough.
Now back to the jokes.
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First reports on Hurricane Irene in New York. An expensive mess, but underwhelming considering its original potential. Sort of like the 2011 Mets.
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As Hurricane Irene slammed into New England, really surprised not to hear any GOP candidates chastising President Obama for not being brave enough to have stayed in Martha’s Vineyard.
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From CNN.com “About 2,500 people who defied mandatory evacuation orders were stranded on Hatteras Island (N.C.) after pounding surf washed over dunes, covering roads with water and sand. The flooding cut off the island from the mainland.” I have some sympathy for these idiots. But not very much.
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If the country wants to avoid future damage, they should name the next potential big storm “Hurricane Giants.” That way it won’t hit anybody.
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Whatever you say about the “Boys from the Bronx.” they are a big attendance draw. And the Baltimore Orioles, who lost a big crowd for a game this weekend due to Hurricane Irene, have rescheduled a game with the Yankees to Sept. 8. NY has not yet agreed, possibly in hopes of never having to play the game. Apparently the Orioles have forgotten a cardinal MLB rule – “It’s the Yankees world, we just live in it.”
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Regarding that 22-9 victory by the New York Yankees last week against the Oakland As, my friend Bill Littlejohn commented: “The last time the Yankees had three grand slams in one day: “The morning David Wells ate breakfast at Denny’s.”
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An apparently drunk Russian woman started performing erotic dances on a British Midland flight from Moscow to London last Friday. The plane returned to the airport and the passenger was taken to a hospital for observation. In the U.S., airlines would have levied an extra charge for the inflight entertainment.
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Texas Gov. Rick Perry, an outspoken critic of the Federal Government, is running to be its leader. Makes about as much sense as having Bristol Palin lead an abstinence movement.
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Dick Cheney said his memoir would cause ‘heads to explode” in Washington. Colin Powell today responded. “My head isn’t exploding. I haven’t noticed any other heads exploding in Washington.” Well, the former V.P. is getting up in years. Maybe Cheney confused his writing abilities with his hunting abilities.
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Former Secretary of State Colin Powell accused former Vice President Dick Cheney of taking “cheap shots” at him and others in his new book. But maybe what Powell should have said is “We all know how accurate Cheney is with his shots.”
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Open note to Bay Area football fans. Our area is known for great food, quirky people, and is used to natural disasters. So for anyone who watched the 49ers and Raiders this weekend looking for less tortuous alternatives, may I suggest temporarily adopting the New Orleans Saints? (Black and gold actually combines half the Raiders and half the 49ers colors.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cheney jokes, hurricane irene, Janice Hough, jokes about hurricane irene, SF Giants jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
August 28, 2011
Hurricane Irene has brought more quiet and dread to New York than Phil Hughes coming in to pitch for the Yankees.
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James Carville said in a post for CNN.com that there is some “weather-related” Darwinism with hurricanes. What he meant is that the weaker trees are blown down while the stronger trees survive. Of course, this Darwinism also applies to those people who ignore evacuation orders.
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FEMA announced Saturday they are completely prepared and ready to assist with earthquake relief on the East Coast.
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Hurricane Irene has already been blamed for massive and potentially long-term power losses in the East. SF Giants fans are wondering, did we miss a hurricane at A T and T Park earlier this year?
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Many were worried after last week’s shootings and violence during the Raiders-49ers game at Candlestick Park. But fortunately, aided by a large police presence, there were no serious incidents at Saturday night’s game.
On the other hand, unfortunately the S.F. Police Department had much better results than the 49ers.
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Alex Smith tonight for SF 49ers. 2 for 6 for 17 yards. 13 yards lost on sacks. Let the Andrew Luck chase begin.
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From my friend Nick Coombs, a transplanted Californian now living in Madison: “On behalf of everyone in Wisconsin… I’d like to thank the 49ers for passing on Aaron Rodgers for Alex Smith.”
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As scary as it sounds with both teams playing against opponents from Houston the SF Giants offense (2 runs in ten innings) outscored the SF 49ers offense tonight. (SF’s only points – a touchdown scored on interception.)
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Sometimes a headline enough is enough to declare another Darwin award winner. As in this one about a Hurricane Irene death – “Huge waves kill surfer in Florida.”
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Botox has now been approved to treat urinary incontinence. Wonder how? Maybe by making your face so rigid you can’t open your mouth to drink much liquid?
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A positive NBA story for a change. During the lockout, the Warriors’ Stephen Curry is finishing up his undergraduate degree at Davidson. Curry is enrolled full-time this fall and is working on his senior thesis. Many of his fellow NBA players are wondering “What’s a senior thesis?” Others just wonder, “What’s a degree?”
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And a non-positive “bus to hell” thought from T.C. “Former Washington Wizards player, Javaris Crittenton, who made headlines last year by bringing in a gun into a locker room, has been charged with murder. The woman he allegedly gunned down on an Atlanta street was not even his intended target.
His shooting percentage on the street isn’t any better than it was with the Wizards.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: hurricane jokes, irene jokes, Janice Hough, San Francisco 49ers jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 27, 2011
And you are on the East Coast, congrats. You still have power.
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On his Friday radio show, Glenn Beck called Hurricane Irene a “blessing,” saying it would teach people to be prepared for disasters. New Yorkers angrily responded “We’ve learned that from the Mets bullpen.”
(for AL fans and Yankees haters, substitute “Phil Hughes” or “A.J. Burnett” for the “Mets bullpen”.)
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Hurricane Irene heading towards D.C. this weekend. Washington bracing for female fury like they haven’t seen since Hillary used to catch Bill sneaking in late.
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A-Rod met with MLB officials about the alleged illegal poker games, but said he does not expect to be suspended.
If Rodriguez is caught again while he is still playing for the Yankees, the officials said there will be serious consequences – as in they will be “really really angry.”
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Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter have broken up. Guess the Yankees weren’t alone at this point in being reluctant to sign a long term contract with him.
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Reversing his earlier statement that it was a state’s rights issue, Gov. Rick Perry has signed a pledge to back a federal constitutional amendment against gay marriage. Who’s going to be the first candidate with the cajones to sign a pledge saying he/she won’t sign any more pledges?
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While some are already preparing to blame things like gay marriage for Hurricane Irene heading for the Northeast, I must have missed all the same conservatives talking about the D.C. earthquake’s epicenter being in Eric Cantor’s district.
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Lefty Eric Surkamp starting today for SF Giants. In AA he has about 150 strikeouts to 40 walks. Which sunds like most of the Giants’ hitters.
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And okay, Giants fans, a little background on this new pitcher Eric Surkamp. As a “Flying Squirrel” in AA Richmond he had a 2.02 ERA with 165 ks to 44 walks. And in 14 at bats, he had 4 hits and 3 RBIs. Surkamp’s making his first start tomorrow. But heck, bat him cleanup.
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Goshen College, a small Mennonite school in Indiana, has banned playing the U.S. National Anthem since it is “too violent.” Wonder what would ever happen if a French group visited the school – their anthem contains a line that translates – “March on, march on, their impure blood will water our fields.”
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An arrest warrent has been issued for senior LSU quarterback Jordan Jefferson. The Cincinnati Bengals just asked if it was too late to take him in the supplemental draft.
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LSU QB Jordan Jefferson has been suspended after his arrest on battery charges for allegedly kicking someone in a bar fight. During the investigation police confiscated 49 pairs of shoes from Jefferson’s apartment. 49 pairs of shoes?! At Miami they are thinking “Those LSU boosters are pikers.”
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As the “body count” grows for NCAA players suspended for the year for various offenses – legal and academic – here’s a suggestion: Can Aladdin Bail Bonds sponsor a post season “All-Star Probation” bowl?
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Former Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel said that former Buckeye QB Terrelle Pryor will always have his support. Makes sense, when he played at OSU Pryor worked as hard for his pay as anyone.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Hurricane irene jokes, irene jokes, Mets jokes, SF Giants jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 26, 2011
First an earthquake, now an oncoming hurricane. The headline for this week in D.C. might be “God is coming and She is pissed.”
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Irene may actually end up staying at hurricane force through much of New England. Which means it’s a good thing neither Rick Perry nor Mitt Romney have outdoor events scheduled in the Northeast this weekend.
Otherwise it could be tragic, both of them might need to publicly comb their hair.
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Keppinger, Sandoval and Belt are the exceptions. But otherwise with the SF Giants’ lineup they might as well rename A T and T Park to Jurassic Park. Because it houses a bunch of dinosaurs.
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Here’s a story that everyone but Yankees fans will enjoy. Star pitcher Jared Weaver signed a contract to stay with the Angels for the “discounted” price of $85 million over five years. When he could have had well over $100 million as a free agent. Weaver’s explanation “If $85 [million] is not enough to take care of my family and other generations of families, then I’m pretty stupid.”
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Looks like Danica Patrick is finally making the move from Indy cars to NASCAR. Another step towards broadening her claim to being the Anna Kournikova of car racing.
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Fred Couples has decided to add Tiger Woods to the 12-man President’s Cup team, saying “He’s the best player in the world forever.”
In related news, Brett Favre asked Couples if he’d consider being on the Pro Bowl selection committee.
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In case anyone still has any doubt that it’s all about winning, note the fact that there seems to be more criticism about Tim Tebow as an NFL quarterback, than about Michael Vick.
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This story’s not getting better. Now a witness says she saw LSU starting QB Jordan Jefferson kick someone in the face during a bar fight that injured four people last week. Maybe Jefferson’s trying to get his felonies out of the way BEFORE he joins the NFL?
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Sarah Palin issued a statement criticizing the media speculation regarding her intentions about the presidential race. Karl Rove responded by accusing Palin of having “thin skin.” Really? Next Rove will observe that President Obama might be black.
GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney said in N.H this week this young people should study harder, and learn that esteem comes from “living with integrity and getting married before they have kids.” Well, if Romney gets the nomination, at least Americans probably don’t have to worry about another V.P. run from Sarah Palin.
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In the category of “You might be white trash if…” A couple was arrested in Pennsylvania for allegedly shoplifting more than $1,000 in food from a supermarket for their wedding reception that afternoon. (Have to wonder, what were the guests told when they showed up?)
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From Bill Littlejohn: Only 347 people showed up for the first game of the doubleheader between the Marlins and the Reds at Sun Life Stadium.In fact, Libyan rebels were seen searching the upper centerfield bleachers for Moammar Gadhafi”
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But really, 347 fans? Really? This isn’t a major league baseball ballpark, it’s a witness protection program.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Jared Weaver, Marlins attendances jokes, Marlins jokes, Palin jokes, Romney jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
August 25, 2011
Some GOP candidates do indeed plan to blame Tuesday’s earthquake on President Obama, but first they have to figure out how to credit the fall of Gadhafi to George W. Bush.
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From Marc Ragovin: So the NY Metro region was hit by a 5.9 magnitude earthquake the other day. Either that or Rex Ryan carried out his threat to put his foot down during training camp.
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Meanwhile, looking like Hurricane Irene may be the biggest wind to hit Washington since Joe Biden was sworn in as V.P.
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Actually considering Joe Biden is the vice president, some may really go after President Obama about Irene. Because surely he could have deployed Biden to blow hard against the storm.
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The latest from Texas Gov. Rick Perry. “Bush did an incredible job, during his presidency, defending us from freedom.” So much for all those who say I never agree with anything Perry says.
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Jeb Bush, on being conservative – It is “not necessarily a bad thing. But if you are a conservative, you have to persuade. You have to defend a position. You can’t just be against the president.” Responded most of the GOP field – “Wanna bet?”
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During the NBA lockout, Blake Griffin will intern at Will Ferrell’s “Funny or Die.”
Well, if anyone should be experienced with punchlines, it’s a member of the Clippers.
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Waiting for the first Tea Party candidate or elected official to stand up and say that they think it would wrong to ask the Federal Government for money after Irene hits.
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Old Navy has a new college football line of t-shirts with 70 universities, using their college colors. The shirts are supposed to say “Let’s Go” – and then the school name or nickname. Except that they say “Lets Go.” No apostrophe. This is what comes of hiring SEC graduates.
(anyone who likes the above joke please feel free to substitute their rival university for the graduates punchline.)
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A bipartisan joke inspired by my friend Scott Brady. Matt Holliday of the St. Louis Cardinals had a moth fly into his ear during a game and had to have the insect removed with a tweezer. Surprised in some ways this doesn’t happen to more politicans, who spend so much time making speeches outside. Although maybe it’s because the moths fly in one ear and out the other.
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This next may only make sense to readers who have been in Philly:
Joey Vento, the owner of Geno’s Cheesesteak’s in Philadelphia, died Tuesday of a massive heart attack at the age of 71. To accommodate all the mourners, funeral guests will have their choice of three brief ceremonies, which will be labeled “Wiz,” “American”, and “Provolone.”
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Actually one thing that may keep the crowds down at Vento’s funeral. Young people may not really know who he was. And older folks who ate his cheesesteaks regularly probably didn’t outlive him.
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Millions of American women were thrilled to hear winery owner Ben Flajnik will be the next Bachelor. Millions of American men were surprised to find out there is something they care less about than the latest Kardashian wedding.
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The Colts have talked Kerry Collins out of retirement to sign as a backup to injured QB Peyton Manning. “What am I, chopped liver?” responded Brett Favre.
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Finally, on a serious note, former Orioles pitcher and GM Mike Flanagan, 59, was found dead Tuesday night. Initial reports indicate it was a suicide, and that Flanagan was despondent over the Orioles performance and his perceived role in their failures.
I love to joke about sports, but hey, it’s a game. And this story may be a sad reminder that the whole point is that it’s supposed to be a diversion from taking life too seriously.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: earthquake jokes, Hurricane irene jokes, hurricane jokes, irene jokes, Old Navy jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 24, 2011
Magnitude 5.8 earthquake shakes Virginia, D.C. and New York. Maybe God is trying to knock some sense into Congress and Wall Street…
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Arizona Diamondbacks are in D.C. this week to play the Nationals. Does that mean we can call them “rattled-snakes?”
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The earthquake felt from DC to NY to Boston was originally announced as a 5.9. Out in California, sports fans have heard the quake may not have hit that hard, it’s just that usual East Coast bias.
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After today’s big quake can we have at least a 30 day moratorium on East Coasters referring to West Coasters as wimps?
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Fortunately, there were no airport closures due to the earthquake. There were, however, several air traffic controllers jostled awake from their naps.
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One of my clients has a Washington, D.C. office and a Menlo Park office. A Washington employee today sent an email to his colleagues in California titled “Five reasons I’m glad I work in D.C. instead of Menlo Park.” Upon opening the email the message was “Make that four.”
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FEMA just announced there is a significant possibility of an earthquake hitting the Washington D.C. area in this decade.
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Jerry Leiber of the songwriting duo Leiber and Stoller passed away Monday. The two wrote, amongst other songs, “Hound Dog” and “Jailhouse Rock.” Not, however, as would be appropriate with today’s quake “All Shook Up.”
The men’s golf team from Bethany College, a small Lutheran college in Kansas, has been suspended for three tournaments. This after the young men posed for a picture (posted on Facebook) naked except for strategically placed drivers. Let us all pray this idea never occurs to John Daly.
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Tacky time: The Washington Monument will be closed to visitors indefinitely after a post-quake crack was discovered in its tip. This could be the biggest problem with an erection in D.C. since Clinton was in office.
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PETA’s latest tactic is a pornographic website to promote veganism. The website will start with erotic teasers on a sex-with-vegetables theme and then show graphic images of animal suffering. I can see husbands now “Honest, honey, I’m just looking at the site to help baby animals.”
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Northwestern University researchers have found evidence that at least some men who identify themselves as bisexual are, in fact, (duh) sexually aroused by both women and men. Michele and Marcus Bachmann, however, heard this and stated that they believe “buy-sexual” just means men going to prostitutes.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, D.C. Earthquake jokes, earthquake jokes, Janice Hough, PETA jokes
Comments: 8 Comments
August 23, 2011
After the violence this weekend at Candlestick Park the NFL is apparently going to end 49ers-Raiders preseason games. This isn’t a problem with Giants-As games. Oakland A’s fans don’t show up and SF Giants are too busy with their cellphones.
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T.C. (from B.C.) adds – Travel Advisory Canada issues warnings on visiting: Syria, Libya, London, Dodger Stadium, Candlestick Park.
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Actually the 49ers said they will ban tailgating after the game starts from now one. Which may mean less trouble post game. But considering the “last call” mentality it may behoove safety-conscious fans not to argue with anyone during the National Anthem.
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Meanwhile over in Libya, Qaddafi seems to have disappeared. Has anyone checked Abbottabad? (Apparently there’s a large rental compound available.)
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The U.S. Olympic Committee has announced it will not submit a bid to host the 2020 Summer Olympics. Guess with the budget issues there’s not enough potential bribe money available.
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Terrelle Pryor was chosen in the supplemental draft by the Oakland Raiders. Well, guess it’s a good thing he went to Ohio State – means he can look back when he retires on SOME postseason experience.
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Says Alex Schubert “Insert paycut joke here.”
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But really, Terrelle Pryor with the Oakland Raiders. What a great place for a young man who has shown himself vulnerable to bad influences and making bad choices….
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GOP Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman says he’d be open to running as vice president if rival and tea party favorite Michele Bachmann wins the nomination.
So much for that “Vote for me, I’m not crazy” strategy.
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Nathan Fisher is the lawyer for four LSU football players (including QB Jordan Jefferson), accused in a bar fight. He has asked for a postponement of planned interviews for the players at police headquarters.
When asked when he would ideally prefer to reschedule the interviews, Fisher allegedly replied “anytime after the 2012 BCS bowl games.”
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Lindsay Lohan apparently wore the same dress (different color) to Kim Kardashian’s wedding that Pippa Middleton wore to the reception after Kate and William’s wedding.
Makes a certain amount of sense. Pippa is world renowned for her ass. And Lindsay is now world renowned for acting like an ass.
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Just wondering, all those who think Obama should have chosen a more plebeian vacation spot than Martha’s Vineyard, okay, where should they have gone? Not like the family could have just pulled up to a motel at Virginia Beach or Walt Disney World, they’d have to displace most if not all other guests and it would be an expensive security nightmare.
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Meanwhile, Mitt Romney showed he’s not quite as out of touch as some say he is. Because he said he’s not going to tear down his $12 million, 3000 square foot La Jolla home to replace it with an 11,000 square-foot home until AFTER he is done with his current campaign.
Makes sense, and I do note that Mitt at least has the grace (or sense) not to complain about Obama’s Martha’s Vineyard vacation.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, Candlestick park violence, Jon Huntsman jokes, Obama vacation, Romney jokes, Terrelle Pryor jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 22, 2011
Joe Biden was in China trying to bolster confidence in the U.S. economy, saying on Friday – “No one has ever made money betting against America.” Well, clearly the V.P. hasn’t watched a lot of major golf or men’s tennis tournaments lately.
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Regarding God and Tim Tebow. Maybe it’s just that He loves Tim so much He doesn’t want to have him on the field getting tackled all the time.
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Sarah Palin claims now on her Facebook page that she went to the National World War I Museum in Kansas City last week, although no one at the museum apparently saw her inside.
Palin did post a picture with her daughter and niece, which a reporter said was from inside the Westin in Kansas City.
So maybe what she meant was “I could see the museum from my room.”
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You have to wonder, did Michele Bachmann consider ordering her speechwriters to get to work on something blaming President Obama for overthrowing Moammar Gadhafi.
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Good to see the rebels doing well in Libya. Let’s just hope that the difference between rebels and dictators doesn’t turn out again simply to be who’s in charge.
Kim Kardashian got married this weekend. Straight men were as likely to watch the television coverages as Rick Perry is to watch the Science channel.
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Meanwhile, on a cooler wedding note, country singer Chely Wright was also married last weekend, to her girlfriend Lauren Blitzer. (Wright only came out last year.)
To do this as a country singer and a Christian takes serious guts. Good for Chely.
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The Help,” was #1 at the box office this weekend. Wonder how many women told their husbands, “it’s okay honey, we don’t have to go, we can stay home and watch coverage of the Kardashian wedding.”
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A Brett Favre lookalike, wearing a #4 jersey, was apparently signing autographs in Green Bay last week. Though Favre’s “travel coordinator” said Brett was not in Green Bay. Many fans, however, were able to figure the deception out quickly – when the imposter made an instant decision about signing.
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Foxnews.com is critical of Obama’s taking what their writer Chris Stirewalt calls “a fantasy preppy getaway in New England, as the nation’s economy reels.” Gosh, must have missed Fox’s outraged response when W. took those fantasy cowboy getaways to his ranch.
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Mitt Romney currently has three homes, a townhouse outside of Boston, a $10 million vacation home in N.H, and a $12 million 3000 sq.ft beachfront place in San Diego. Now he wants to bulldoze the California place to build an 11,000 sq ft home, because the current place is “inadequate for their needs.” Can’t imagine how Mitt gets a reputation for being out of touch.
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And finally, okay SF Giants fans, admittedly Brandon Crawford can’t hit. But the difference between a .190 average and a .240 average is five hits out of 100 at-bats. Maybe a hit a week. Crawford’s glove takes away almost a hit a game compared to what Tejada-Cabrera let get through. So why isn’t he on the big league roster?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachman jokes, Chely Wright wedding, Fox News jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian wedding jokes, Michele Bachmann jokes, Palin jokes, Tim Tebow jokes
Comments: 7 Comments
August 21, 2011
Rick Perry continued with his anti-evolution remarks, telling a supporter in South Carolina on Friday – “God is how we got here.” Replied God – “Hey, don’t blame me for this.
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Saturday Night Live premieres in five weeks. Anyone besides me who can’t wait to see Kristen Wiig’s take on Michele Bachmann?
Michele Bachmann is taking some criticism for saying people are afraid “the United States is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China, the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union and our loss militarily going forward.” Even her GOP rival Sarah Palin responded, “I disagree, the American people are strong and fear neither China, India nor the Soviet Union.”
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Bachmann dismissed her recent gaffes Saturday, saying “the media will report what the media will report.” Yeah, and they have this disturbing tendency sometimes to actually report what a candidate says.
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The NCAA may have allowed boosters to run wild at Miami and other schools. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t trying to focus on the important things.
For example, Fox Sports reports the NCAA is considering a proposal to allow schools to offer spreads such as butter, cream cheese, jelly or peanut butter on top of bagels they provide for recruits. (Currently, schools are only allowed to provide such spreads for their own student-athletes.)
What’s the motto of all this? – “Cream cheese, it’s a slippery slope?”
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Texas Gov. Rick Perry has stated he believes in term limits for federal judges, including Supreme Court judges. Can we try this out with Clarence Thomas?
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President Obama continues to face criticism for his vacation. And yesterday he actually went into a book store and bought books. What a mistake. The GOP knows politicians aren’t supposed to read books, they’re only supposed to write them.
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Fox MLB Game of the Week announcers say that Cubs pitchers have only one compete game all year. Well, Chicago is traveling to A T and T Park to play the Giants later this month.
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In today’s first preseason AP top 25 college football poll, the Stanford Cardinal has been ranked #7. But local fans were disappointed to see that voters failed to also include the Cal Bears and Oakland Raiders.
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LSU quarterback Jordan Jefferson and several unidentified teammates were implicated in a fight at a Baton Rouge bar early Friday morning. So far Les Miles has received two requests for the names of those involved – one from the local media and the other from the draft scouts for the Cincinnati Bengals
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Karl Rove thinks that Sarah Palin will run for President, but that she will bypass a traditional campaign structure and finance committee. Rove added “I don’t think she thinks the rules apply to her.” Wow, what was his first clue?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, Janice Hough, Michele Bachmann jokes, Obama vacation jokes, Palin jokes, Rick Perry jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
August 20, 2011
Burger King has apparently decided to stop using their creepy King mascot. Republicans responded to this news with – “Yet another job loss we can blame on President Obama.”
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Not getting this. All the GOP Presidential contenders say that Obama’s actions are making the economy worse. But they are calling on him to come home from vacation. Uh, if what he does hurts the economy, wouldn’t it be better for him to stay away?
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These days the San Francisco Giants are practicing an “Abstinence only” offense: No scoring.
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Some think the SF Giants just really need to get their confidence up by batting against a pitcher they can hit. Wonder if they could get a pickup game with a contender in the Little League World Series.
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from T.C. A bat on board grounded a Delta regional flight to Atlanta. It wasn’t the plane carrying the SF Giants, cause we all know they don’t have any bats.
The Chicago Cubs fired GM Jim Hendry after nine years. Nine years. It took the team that long to figure out Hendry wasn’t going to get them to the World Series? That’s like saying it took Hillary Clinton nine years to figure out Bill wasn’t going to be a faithful husband.
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With one of the highest payrolls and worst records in MLB, the Chicago Cubs on Friday announced they had fired GM Jim Hendry. According to ESPN.com the actual firing was July 22, but Hendry wanted to help the team by staying on through the July 31 trading deadline. Uh, if he were “helping” the team as GM, wouldn’t Hendry still be employed?
Bristol Palin has had a “T” tattoed on her right foot to signify family – as she said “Track, Trigg, Tripp and Todd.” Don’t forget “Trash.”
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Once again there are reports out of 49ers training camp that “Alex Smith looks good in practice.” What’s the reverse corollary of bad dress rehearsal – good play?
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Christine O’Donnell is now claiming that she walked out on the interview with Piers Morgan because he was sexually harassing here. O’Donnell may not have won her Senate race but she has accomplished something more difficult – making Piers Morgan seem almost sympathetic.
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Texas Governor Rick Perry when asked if he believes in evolution – “It’s a theory that’s out there.” Shame no one can ask God if He/She believes in Rick Perry.
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During his time at Texas A & M, Rick Perry was a “yell leader,” not a cheerleader, a “yell leader.” (They lead the crowd in chants at sporting events but don’t do flips etc.) On the official A & M yell leader website it states, “It is not uncommon for more than twice as many students to vote for yell leader candidates than vote in the Student Body President elections. In Texas, why am I not surprised
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Christine O'Donnell jokes, Cubs jokes, GOP jokes, Obama jokes, Rick Perry jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes
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August 19, 2011
This could change, but now it does look like Texas A & M will not be going to the SEC. Guess the Aggies don’t pay their players’ fathers enough.
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The NFL ruled former OSU QB Terrelle Pryor can enter the supplemental draft, albeit with a five game “suspension” with whatever team drafts him. (as if a rookie QB was going to play anyway.) Well, this ought to teach other players a lesson – if you’re going to break rules, make sure you do it for a college team that draws high television bowl ratings.
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A silver lining for some in Miami – for now at least the Heat’s performance in the NBA finals isn’t the most embarrassing sports story in town.
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A tale of two hitting ineups – Tim Lincecum, with a 2.53 ERA is 11-10. C.C. Sabathia, with a 2.96 ERA is 17-7. Sigh. I just hope we never see the Freak in pinstripes.
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Anyone but me think it’s only a matter of time this year until some San Francisco Giants pitcher throws a nine inning no hitter, and ends up with a no decision?
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In the late 1990s and early 2000s, Michele Bachman travelled around Minnesota as as an education activist using the title “Dr. Michele Bachmann,” even though she has never obtained a PhD. But, responded her campaign, Michele did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once.
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A self-proclaimed jihadist has threatened David Letterman after the late-night comedian joked about the death of a Al-Qaeda leader. But no one has threatened Jay Leno despite similar jokes. Meaning that not even jihadists watch the Tonight Show anymore?
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Sarah Palin says she thinks Barack Obama will have to leave his family vacation early to deal with the economy. But really, isn’t leaving early Palin’s solution to everything?
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Michele Bachmann’s no comment “quote of the day.”
What people recognize is that there’s a fear that the United States is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China, the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union….”
(To be fair, apparently this quote was from a very right-wing radio talk show, so maybe her listeners ARE still worried about the Soviet Union.)
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So let me get this straight. After running for Senate, Christine O’Donnell wrote a book “Troublemaker,” that she “hopes will be an inspirational tool for the grassroots conservative movement.” But when asked about issues from the book, O’Donnell walked out of a CNN interview with Piers Morgan, saying “I’m not talking about politics, I’m not running for office.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA football jokes, NCAA jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 18, 2011
Michele Bachmann said when she is President she will make gas prices come down under two dollars a gallon. Which means Ben Bernanke soon won’t be the only person Texas Governor Rick Perry will accuse of being treasonous.
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from Marc Ragovin: After Rick Perry accused Ben Bernanke of treasonous conduct, Karl Rove said that you just don’t make that kind of charge against the Fed Chairman. “You save it for the President,” according to Rove.
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The University of Miami just hired football coach Al Golden in December, and already the program is potentially facing the “death penalty.” If the NCAA moves fast enough Golden’s tenure could rival that of George O’Leary at Notre Dame.
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Although under investigation, the University of Miami says they have no plans to suspend any current players. Translation, unless the NCAA decries otherwise, expect suspensions – but not starting until after whatever bowl game the Hurricanes play in ths year.
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Panthers coach Ron Rivera says Cam Newton will start Friday night’s preseason game for Carolina against the Miami Dolphins. Rivera allegedly also told his rookie QB to relax and pretend it’s just another college game, albeit with a pay cut.
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A major league baseball player was placed on the disabled list this week with a shoulder strain that he aggravated by sleeping on it. And shockingly to San Francisco fans, this player is not a member of the Giants. (It was Orioles’ first baseman Chris Davis.)
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Goldstar, an online ticket site, has been offering discount tickets to the 49ers-Raiders preseason game this upcoming weekend. Wonder how much they would have to pay fans to fill up the stadium.
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Reports have it that Best Buy ordered 270,000 HP Touchpads and they have sold only 25,000. The most common reaction to this story? “What’s an HP Touchpad?”
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Regarding that Giants-Mets trade of Zach Wheeler to Carlos Beltran, is it too late to invoke California’s “Lemon Law?”
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Last year, Ohio State’s president Gordon Gee mocked the “Little Sisters of the Poor” by accusing other universities of playing them in football. Today he toured a home for the elderly operated by the religious order in Ohio, and promised to be one of their “greatest advocates.”
Then Gee did add that if the sisters had any room on their 2012-13 schedules, he’d love to arrange a game with the Buckeyes.
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Abercrombie & Fitch is offering “The Situation” money to stop wearing its clothing. Think the Giants can do that with Barry Zito?
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A recent poll shows 79% of Americans give an “A” or “B” grade to the public school their oldest child attends, but only 17% gave an “A” or “B” grade to public schools in the nation as a whole.” This is the same great logic that has had Americans so negative about Congress while consistently re-electing their own representatives.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Abercrombie Fitch jokes, Miami jokes, NCAA jokes, Rick Perry jokes, University of Miami jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 17, 2011
TLC is cancelling “Kate plus 8.” Guess the show’s title got too close to describing the remaining number of viewers.
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The San Francisco Giants injury list continues to grow. Not to say they are a team that might have been relying too heavily on aging veterans, but the only good news today was that some of the medical bills may be covered by Medicare.
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Meanwhile, across the pond, apparently new evidence has surfaced that Rupert Murdoch’s son James lied about not having seen emails regarding the phone hacking scandal. Who does James think he is? A U.S. college football coach?
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The University of Miami football booster scandal may end up being the biggest so far of this century. (No joke, over 70 athletes involved, for now.) And in the “you cannot make this ‘stuff’ up dept, former Miami AD Paul Dee, who was in charge during the period of allegations, was the NCAA Committee on Infractions chairman who banned USC for two years over the Reggie Bush and O.J Mayo cases.
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The latest contender for the Washington QB job is John Beck (who?); Beck will apparently start Friday and get a chance to compete with Rex Grossman. Good thing President Obama only has to try to fix the economy to get re-elected, instead of an impossible project like fixing the Redskins.
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Self-described Elvis fan Michelle Bachmann just asked a crowd in South Carolina to wish Presley a Happy Birthday. Except that Aug 16 is not his birthday, but the day he died. (August 16, 1977, our head cashier at Farrell’s in Orlando called in sick when she heard the news.)
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Regarding Michele Bachmann’s wishing Elvis Presley a happy birthday today. If Elvis wasn’t dead the thought of his woman becoming President just killed him.
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Researchers in England have found evidence that caffeine might protect against certain skin cancers. Either that or spending all your time in Starbucks and other coffee houses means you never get out in the sunlight.
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Former Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell now says she regrets her “I’m not a witch” ad. Not sure if that’s because it cost her votes, or because the witch’s union threatened to revoke her membership.
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Alas, Molly Ivins isn’t around to cover the current state of politics in this country, but I do think the times call for reviving some of her quotes – starting with this one:
“Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, Elvis jokes, Janice Hough, Kate plus 8, Molly Ivins quotes, NCAA football jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 16, 2011
Texas Governor Rick Perry today dismissed comparisons between himself and W. But his response to what the biggest difference between the two was -“I went to Texas A&M. He went to Yale.” At least he didn’t say “I have better hair.”
(This answer does mean potential fun in the debates if Mitt Romney is involved. Mitt spent a year at Stanford before transferring to BYU, and has a JD and MBA from Harvard.)
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Jim Thome might have made the quietest entry yet into the 600 home run club. Of course, he committed a cardinal sin as far as the media is concerned – Thome never signed a free-agent contract with the Yankees.
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The IRS says a 40 year old woman is facing charges that she obtained obtained fraudulent Social Security numbers for at least 19 non-existent children.
The agency became suspicious when they noticed her last name was neither Gosselin nor Suleman.
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There are reports that the NCAA is investigating University of Miami over claims that more than a dozen former or current football players received gifts and services from a convicted Ponzi schemer. In Miami’s defense, the school may claim they were just trying to prove they were worthy of an offer to join the SEC.
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So let’s see, last Sunday the NASCAR race at Watkins Glen was postponed until Monday, and a number of no-names battled it out for the PGA Golf Tournament title.
Television executives now know what they felt like on Wall Street last week.
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Commie pinko stuff below, including a quote.
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A preacher from a Central Florida mega-church was found dead in his hotel room in New York, and there are newspaper reports that cocaine was found in the room.
This was the same preacher who divorced his wife two years ago over an affair with a stripper.
And the reaction no doubt from some right-wingers who call themselves Christian – at least he wasn’t gay.
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Multi-millionaire GOP candidate Mitt Romney denied that that he was out of touch with the American people. Then when asked what he thought of President Obama’s bus tour, Romney replied, “What’s a bus?”
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Many people have posted the whole op-ed, I just like this one simple quote: “I have worked with investors for 60 years and I have yet to see anyone – not even when capital gains rates were 39.9 percent in 1976-77 – shy away from a sensible investment because of the tax rate on the potential gain.” Warren Buffett.
(I am waiting for the first GOP candidate to go after Buffett on this one.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Mitt Romney jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Warren Buffett, Yankees jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 