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Duck, duck, goosed. Or at least Cardinaled.

November 18, 2012

 

 

Caption contest for the above?

 

Maybe they were expecting an Oregon-Kansas State BCS championship game?

 

 

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Forget Duck A L’Orange. How about Duck A L’Cardinal? Go Stanford.

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Apparently Duck hunting season started early this year in Eugene.

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Stanford is one quarterback substitution earlier in the year (and maybe one change of placekicker) to being in the discussion for the BCS championship.

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Florida Gov. Rick Scott said in a speech to conservatives this week that “the election is over. Get over it.” And of course his state should be done counting ballots any week now.

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A Northern Arizona gun shop owner has the following sign in his window: “If you voted for Barack Obama your business is not welcome. You have proven you are not responsible enough to own a firearm.” Wait a minute. Isn’t that gun control?

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Maryland and Rutgers are in talks to become the 13th and 14th members of the Big Ten. And we wonder why football players are bad at math.

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At the “Books Inc” bookstore,  copies of “Anna Karenina” with photo of Keira Knightly on cover are on the front display. Wonder how many of the younger generation are thinking “Wow, they wrote that fast to go with the movie opening.”

 

So after Alabama’s loss to Texas A & M, the Crimson Tide followed up this weekend with the powerhouse opponent Western Carolina. Can’t imagine how SEC teams get the reputation of playing out-of-conference cupcakes.

 

 

 

“I am pro-life, but because life is complicated, that choice is between a woman and her idea of a higher power. I believe if Roe vs. Wade were repealed, abortion would still go on. I care more about my economy, national security, and fiscal conservatism than I do about what women do with their bodies. It’s not my place, and I don’t believe it’s the government’s place, to make such decisions.” Maybe the GOP nominated the wrong McCain in 2008. This quote is from Meghan.

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And then there will be four?

June 26, 2012

BCS Presidential oversight committee members have a meeting scheduled until 10pm Tuesday so they have time to approve a proposed four-team college football playoff.   Why so late?   Presumably so they can stay as long as it takes to assure at least one and maybe two SEC teams get in that playoff.

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There were men with bats who had clearly stolen the SF Giants’ uniforms  Monday night and were holding the real team in an undisclosed location.

Seriously what was more unlikely.  Barry Zito giving up no runs, or the Giants scoring 8?

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Sarah Palin’s back on the “death panel” rant, saying “Obamacare did in fact create a panel of faceless bureaucrats who have the power to make life and death decisions about health care funding.” Uh Sarah, we already had those, they’re called “insurance companies.”

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Marlon Byrd, recently released by the Red Sox, tested positive for a PED and was suspended 50 games. He says “It was an inexcusable mistake, resulting from a medication for a “private condition,” and he did not use the drug as a PED. Just once I want to hear a player say “Yep, I was trying to cheat, you caught me.”

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The Supreme Court upheld the part of the Arizona immigration law that allows police to check a person’s immigration status if “reasonable suspicion” exists that the person is in the United States illegally. Hmm, this means it could be dangerous to wear a Maple Leaf or cheer too loudly for the Phoenix Coyotes.

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Justice Antonin Scalia dissented from today’s Supreme Court ruling on Arizona, and suggested President Obama and the federal govt do not want to enforce their own immigration laws. Wonder how he’d feel if the govt had tight restrictions, on say, Sicilians, in the 1930s. (Scalia’s father came over as a grad student, his mother was the child of immigrants.)

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Kevin Youkilis has been traded from the Red Sox to the White Sox. The hardest part about this? All his friends and family won’t be able to watch “Youk” play every other week on ESPN or Fox when Boston plays the New York Yankees.

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A passenger on a Kenya Air flight from Amsterdam to Tanzania received a partial refund after she had to fly across the aisle from passenger who died of a heart attack. (The cabin crew had wrapped his body in blankets and laid him across 3 seats.) Although many travelers who’ve flown next to to drunks and obnoxious children would prefer the dead body.

Adds T.C.  “Watch for  Kenya Air ads to claim “People are dying to fly with us

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Mitt Romney, after dodging initial questions on the Arizona immigration decision, finally said he would have preferred the Supreme Court give more latitude to the states, not less. Does that mean as President he’d support states’ medical marijuana and gay marriage laws?

 

Anonymous joke passed on by my friend David.  “A judge today denied Jerry Sandusky’s request to serve his sentence in juvenile hall.”

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On and off the level.

June 21, 2012

The BCS commissioners along with Notre Dame’s AD say they are working on a 4 team playoff for a football national championship . Presumably they will release the format as soon as they decide whether the Fighting Irish should be eligible with 3 or as many as 4 losses.

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The WBO review had all 5 judges on their review agree Manny Pacquiao beat Timothy Bradley’s. but they will not overturn the official result. And Pacquiao himself says he prefers a rematch over a reversal. Which will net all involved millions of dollars. How could anyone imagine that boxing is fixed?

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Wednesday afternoon score – Arizona 14, Seattle 10. So who started the NFL preseason when I wasn’t looking? –

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Mitt Romney’s sons said tonight on Conan they tried to convince their dad not to run. So Mitt wants us to believe he’ll listen to ordinary Americans? He won’t even listen to his family.

 

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Larry Ellison has purchased 98% of the island of Lanai. Wonder how long it will take for him to announce his plans for domination of the other Hawaiian islands?

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Cory Booker was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno this week.  Booker, the charismatic mayor of Newark,  achieved superhero status in many minds when he ran into a burning building to save a woman.

Of course,  if President Obama had done the same thing,  Republicans would accuse him of  too much government involvement interfering with hardworking firefighters.

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More in the “Crazy States Derby:” Arizona making a move with Sec. of State Ken Bennett, modifying the birther controversy: “I actually think he (Obama) was fibbing about being born in Kenya when he was trying to get into college and doing things like writing a book and on and on and on.”

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UConn is the only major men’s basketball program among 7 who are ineligble for post-season play based on low APRs (Academic Progress Rate). Only Hampton, North Carolina A & T and Texas Southern are banned in football. So the rest of the schools are doing fine with their student athletes….? Wonder how the NCAA sent out the press release with a straight face.

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Oil prices fell to an eight-month low today. Wonder which airline will be the first to somehow figure out a way to use that news to raise the fuel surcharge. –

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After New York mayor Bloomberg proposed a ban on large sugary sodas, the mayor of Cambridge, Mass. announced she wants to ban both large sugary beverages AND free refills. Your move, San Francisco.

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Drew Brees is being criticized for tweeting “If NFL fans were told there were ‘weapons of mass destruction’ enough times, they’d believe it.” Maybe what Brees should have tweeted was that Goodell thinks by punishing the Saints his campaign to stop players attempting deliberately injuring each other will be “mission accomplished.”

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Follow the money.

April 25, 2012

Mitt Romney’ s website states “We have a moral responsibility, not to spend more than we take in.” Although Mitt is calling for a $100 billion increase in the Pentagon budget. Guess he’s following that old W. axiom “money spent on wars doesn’t count.”

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The Golden State Warriors, who lose their draft pick to Utah if it’s not a lottery pick, are on the cusp of winning just enough games to probably finish out of that lottery. On the other hand, at least Warriors fans won’t be disappointed again by a another lousy pick.

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A case of Mad Cow disease has been discovered in California. Let’s hear it again from Mitt Romney how he wants to cut the FDA food inspection budget by 5-20 percent.

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That vicious hit by the NBA player formerly known as Ron Artest resulted in a seven game suspension. So for the next couple weeks, good news for beauty pageant contestants – World Peace is available!
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Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio says he plans to release new findings that will prove President Obama’s birth certificate is a forgery. Even Donald Trump is thinking “Dude, give it up already.

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No one quite knows why Newt Gingrich finally is saying he might drop out of the Presidential race. Maybe someone said he was wedded to the idea of running?

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Starbucks is going to open store at Disney theme parks in California and Florida. Makes sense. These are some of the few places in the world where their coffee will look like a bargain by comparison.

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The BCS is looking at a plan to have a 4 team playoff, with the big BCS bowl games played around January 1. New Year’s Day bowl games?! What a radical concept!

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A new survey of over 1,000 passengers claims the most popular seat on an average flight in economy class is 6a. Clearly “the furthest seat possible away from a screaming infant” was not an option.

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President Obama today to Jimmy Fallon about the Secret Service scandal “”What these guys were thinking, I don’t know.” Uh, Mr. President, that’s the point. They weren’t thinking. At least with their upper brains.

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Scavenger hunting.

January 12, 2012

Mitt Romney is denying allegations that he is a “vulture capitalist.” He has a point, vultures only take as much as they need to survive.

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Manny Ramirez says if some MLB team gives him another chance he could be a role model. Uh, hasn’t Manny already been a role model. As in “No matter how much God-given talent you have, if you’re lazy or a cheat you can f*ck it up.”

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Glenn Beck threw out his back by bending over a coffee table. Beck will be back on air as soon as he can figure out how to blame this on President Obama.

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Apparently while Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney pushed for science to be included in the state’s testing system. If this leaks out Romney may lose his lead in the GOP primary.

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The media are making much of a new poll saying Tim Tebow is America’s favorite athlete. But to achieve that status, Tebow was chosen by 3.0% (yes three percent) of those polled. To put that in perspect, Newt Gingrich got 9.0% in New Hampshire.

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Flip Saunders, head coach of the Washington Wizards, says that he thinks his young star John Wall picked up “too many bad habits” while playing in the summer league. What, as opposed to the bad habits Wall has picked up playing for the woeful Wizards?

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A new study published on the Public Library of Science says men and women are “basically different species.” In other equally shocking news, Tim Tebow just might be very thankful to his “Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

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The Federal Reserve just announced that the final weeks of 2011 were the economy’s strongest. This is good news for anyone who isn’t running for the GOP Presidential nomination.

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SI.com has come out with their Top 20 college football rankings. For NEXT season. Shockingly an SEC team – LSU – is ranked #1. But USC is second, Oregon is third. (Stanford is #20.) Gentlemen, start your bowl lobbying.

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Hostess Brands, the makers of Twinkies, has declared bankruptcy for the second time in ten years. There are rumors the company may be forced to liquidate. Although the Twinkies they have produced should survive for at least another decade.

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ESPN reports Penn State University president Rodney Erickson will be talking to alums today in Pittsburgh, “some of whom aren’t happy about the way the school handled” the Sandusky scandal, the firing of Paterno, etc…. “Some?” Really? Find me ONE alum who thinks the school did a good job.
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Is this an omen? Tim Tebow and the Broncos are taking on the New England Patriots this Saturday night. For competing programming ABC is airing “Wipeout.”

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A L.A. County sheriff’s deputy has been arrested and charged with smuggling drugs into jail inside a burrito. Now there’s a concept, marijuana filled burritos – it’s one way to get buyers hungry enough to finish a whole one.

If you are reading this and like sports humor especially, highly recommend Dwight Perry’s “Sideline Chatter” in the Seattle Times. (In this column from Wednesday he took one of my jokes too.)

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/sidelinechatter/2017205546_chat11.html#.Tw6RugcUYHM.facebook

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Another night, another California overtime loss for Miami. The Heat lost 95 to 89 to the Clippers after Miami shot 20 of 34 from the free throw line. (.588.) “C’mon guys, it’s not that hard.” – commented Shaquille O’Neal.

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Bowled over. Finally.

January 11, 2012

Finally.

Not saying bowl season goes on too long, but even many guys had to be thinking, Ah heck, enough, let’s switch to the channel where the guy gets to choose between all the hot scantily clad chicks.

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Monday night’s LSU-Alabama rematch was the lowest-rated BCS title game ever. Rumor has it at some point ESPN thought about turning the game over to Versus.

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But really, this stretched out BCS is becoming a joke. Why, the January 9 final meant that even the major bowl game schedule lasted longer than most folks’ New Year’s resolutions.

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T.C’s BCS comments: The BCS Championship game was so boring that Dr.Pepper is rumored to be withdrawing it’s sponsorship. Red Bull is signing up right away.

My vote for MVPs? Both kickers. Bama’s place kicker and LSU’s punter.

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Actually the only player with less to do this week than LSU’s placekicker? The New Orleans’ Saints punter.

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The Golden State Warriors were down 17 points tonight to the Miami Heat, and down 84-72 after the third. And they won 111-106 in OT. Wow. Who knew Lebron and company were already in playoff form.

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This line isn’t original, but kudos to Jim Harbaugh for maintaining a sense of humor. When asked how it felt to watch the Saints rack up 626 yards in offense last weekend, the 49ers coach responded “It makes me go to bed and sleep like a baby. I wake up every hour crying.”

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Who’d a thunk two months ago that Tim Tebow would last longer in a NFL leadership position than Hue Jackson?

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Jon Huntsman failed to qualify for the ballot in Arizona, because the the nomination paper submitted on his behalf did not include the required notarized signature. And Huntsman’s supposed to be the smart one?

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On the other hand, another great campaign moment. Rick Santorum sent out an email to his supporters talking about waiting for the polls to open in New Hampshire. Except he sent it at 645p EST tonight. (Are we sure he didn’t inhale.)

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And how bad was Rick Perry’s N.H. performance? The Texas Governor could probably actually count all his votes.

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John McCain said last night that picking Sarah Palin his running mate was “still the best decision I’ve ever made.” Of course, this could be pandering. Or it could mean America dodged a bullet by not electing a man who now appears too old to be president.

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Robert Griffin III told Baylor today he was going pro. Bears’ coaches weren’t sure at first if that meant entering the NFL draft or transferring to an SEC school.

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A new Facebook app allows users to post a carefully constructed message to the world in the event of their death. Bummer for all those who might have used such an app on MySpace.

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Does this really need a punchline? Kim Kardashian who made a Super Bowl commercial for Skechers (a sneaker company) last year, has been replaced in this year’s commercial by a French bulldog.

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All these GOP candidates lambasting Mitt Romney for saying he likes to fire people. Makes me almost wish Donald Trump was still running.

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Congratulations to Mitt Romney for winning the New Hampshire primary. Now Mitt willl be increasingly campaigning against the President’s promised “hope and change.” And with Romney’s positions, you don’t need to hope, you KNOW they’ll change.

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Boring Contrived System.

January 10, 2012

Okay, I apologize in advance for this first joke.

If only Hurricane Katrina had made as little forward progress in New Orleans as LSU’s offense.

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But really? Best two teams in the country? For most of the game both LSU and Alabama didn’t even look like the best teams in the SEC.

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Open note to BCS apologists – both of you. So LSU and Alabama had the best records by some determined strength of schedule and only one game was needed. By that token we should have eliminated the wild card games NFL games last weekend and the next two weeks – Just go directly to a Packers-Patriots Super Bowl after a month off.

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For the very casual football fan in Louisiana. Yes, the Saints and LSU play the same game. It just doesn’t look like it.

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Most embarrassing night for LSU where arrests were not involved.

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Question I would like to have seen asked by a sideline reporter to any of tonight’s players. “So, after this is all over, are you looking forward to getting back to classes?”

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Jerry Perisho’s great pre-game comment: “Monday night, it’s LSU versus Alabama in the OMG It’s Finally About To Be Done Bowl.”

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Whatever you think of Pac 12 football, does anyone think that Andrew Luck and the Stanford offense against Alabama wouldn’t have least been able to end up in the same zip code as the end zone?

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For anyone who wondered, is this the best matchup college football can do? The South may not have won the Civil War but they sure won with the BCS process.

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Battle cry of the unfortunate LSU offense tonight: “Occupy Alabama territory.” (In retrospect, the defenders of the Alamo looked less out-manned.)

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After switching over to “the Bachelor, must say, many of the women definitely look more aggressive tonight than the LSU offense.

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Todd Palin endorsed Newt Gingrich for President. This is a surprise to many people who didn’t realize Todd knew who was running.

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Apparently on the latest episode of the Kardashian reality show (isn’t that an oxymoron?), Kim complains: ” Sometimes I wish I’d have just one day of peace.” This will happen only when the Kardashians figure out how to make a profit on “one day of peace.”

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Tim Tebow gets a contract bonus of $250,000 for his playoff win. Another reason many men don’t like the guy, he probably won’t spend any of that money on beer and women.

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Okay this shouldn’t be funny, but. There is a story today about a leopard killing a man in a city in eastern India. According to the AP the victim was a 50-year-old lawyer who was outside talking on his cellphone.

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They’ve starting voted in New Hampshire. Mitt Romney looks likely to win. But his voters appear as enthusiastic as most people do about choosing to spend holidays with their in-laws.

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A alleged wannabe suicide bomber was arrested in Tampa over the weekend. The man apparently never got close to actually carrying out his plot. But wonder if local law enforcement and the FBI didn’t think about letting him have a go at an otherwise empty Tropicana Field.

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Big news in the White House, Bill Daley leaving his position to head back to Chicago. The big news. When anyone in politics from Chicago leaves a position without the police being involved.

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Bowl weak?

December 8, 2011

ESPN is running advertisements for “Capitol One Bowl Week: December 17 – January 2. Wonder which SEC graduate came up with that one?

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And they wonder why football players are bad at math.

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From my comedy writer friend Jerry Perisho: “I’d love to hear the voice message Alec Baldwin left on American Airlines’ answering machine.”

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Nice to see Newt Gingrich surging to the front of the GOP pack. Since Newt already helped one Democratic President get re-elected.

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Arizona State apparently had an agreement with June Jones to take over as their head football coach, but for some unknown reason pulled the offer. That was a quick relationship. Who is negotiating for ASU, one of the Kardashians?

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Jerry Sandusky has been arrested again on new molestation charges. And because he was unable to post bail the former Penn State coach was taken to jail. “What a shame,” said absolutely, positively nobody.

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Rod Blagojevich was sentenced today to 14 years in prison. The disgraced former Governor quoted Kipling, that this was a time “to be strong and fight through adversity.” Too bad Blago forgot this other Kipling quote: “You haf too much Ego in your Cosmos”

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Rod Blagojevich is the fourth Illinois governor in the last four decades, and the second in a row, to end up in prison. Scoffed Louisiana politicians – “Amateurs.”

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So will they start swearing in governors in Illinois by saying “Will the defendant please rise?”

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Not sure Rod Blagojevich gets it. The judge threw the book at him. And the former Illinois governor caught the book and tried to sell it on Ebay.

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Now that Bobby Valentine is managing the Red Sox, Terry Francona has taken his place as an ESPN baseball analyst. Wonder how long it will take Francona to start complaining about the slow pace of Boston pitchers.

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Orlando Magic CEO Bob Vander Weide is trying to clear up rumors that he may have “drunk dialed” Dwight Howard, saying he only had “two to three glasses of wine over a three-hour period after a social event and that he wanted to return text and phone messages Howard had left for him.” Hmm, wonder if the phrase “I love you, man” was involved.

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ESPN is actually doing a “Game Day” type setup with regular broadcasts directly from the baseball winter meetings. Well, it’s still more compelling than what would have been NBA regular season games.

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The Marlins have dropped out. But the Cardinals, Cubs and other other unnamed team apparently keep upping their offers to Albert Pujols; the slugger will get well over $200 million for 10 years. Pujols is taking his time deciding. But once he signs, it won’t take long for Albert to pronounce – “It’s not about the money.”

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Oops. A cannonball fired as part of an episode of the “Mythbusters” television show missed its mark and hit a Dublin home and a car Tuesday. As my friend Laura said, you have to wonder what myth they were busting. (The myth of their competence?)

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Plane crazy.

December 7, 2011

Alec Baldwin was kicked off a plane today at LAX, and later tweeted “Flight attendant on American reamed me out 4 playing WORDS W FRIENDS while we sat at the gate, not moving.” Two thoughts, if he’s going to be that much of an a** Baldwin should buy his own plane, and there are advantages to being a luddite – I don’t even know how to play WORDS W FRIENDS on my phone.

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Wonder how long until someone will start marketing books and paper Sudokos crossword puzzles as “inflight entertainment you don’t have to turn off.”

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Apparently Baldwin lost his temper too, and yelled at the flight attendant. Maybe she reminded him of his daughter?

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Wouldn’t it have been more appropriate if he were playing “Angry Birds?”

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The “Over-Under” in Las Vegas for the Alabama-LSU game is 39. Is that Alabama 3, LSU 9?

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The Kraft Fight Hunger bowl will pit two fired coaches – Ron Zook of Illinois and Rick Neuheisel of UCLA – against each other. Though both coaches has handsome enough severance packages that neither will be worrying about food stamps.

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NFL analysts still talking about the Dallas Cowboys’ failure to call one of their time outs at the end of the game. (It would have given them an extra play to go for a shorter field goal or even a chance for a touchdown.) Where’s Chris Webber when you need him?

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The Big East has announced their new members for 2013. Boise State, SMU, Central Florida, and…. San Diego State. Really? San Diego isn’t even in Eastern California. (Though it is east of San Francisco and Los Angeles.)

Maybe San Diego State was added to make Boise State feel more Eastern.

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The NFL has suspended Washington Redskins tight end Fred Davis and left tackle Trent Williams four games each for violating the league’s substance abuse policy. Guess the league didn’t buy the players’ excuse, that playing for a Dan Snyder team would drive anyone in their right mind to drugs.

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A new planet has been discovered that has the potential to support life. Or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof – like Mitt Romney.

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From Marc Ragovin: “Newt Gingrich said he’s gonna mop the floor with his fellow contenders at the next GOP debate. Well actually he said he’d get some poor ten-year to do it.”

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The latest Gallup poll of GOP presidential contenders has Jon Huntsman at one percent. Guess that SNL appearance really boosted his candidacy.

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Rick Santorum now says that he is against gay marriage because if it were legal then “their sexual activity” would be seen as “equal” to heterosexual sexuality. Uh, how exactly does he know it isn’t?

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Turns out two passengers sustained minor injuries in Ndamukong Suh’s car crash this past weekend. One described him as “going so fast, it was violent.” Bet that’s the last time anyone riding with Suh tells him to “step on it.”

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An 85 year old woman is complaining she was strip-searched at JFK airport. You would think TSA would be more respectful of United’s First Class flight attendants.

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Yet another accuser has come forward against Jerry Sandusky. At this point it looks like the only chance the formerly revered Penn State coach has to be acquitted is to hold the trial in Los Angeles.

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Just another sleazy Monday.

December 6, 2011

You know you might have a bad lawyer when…he lets you give interviews like this: “If I say, ‘No, I’m not attracted to young boys, that’s not the truth, Because I’m attracted to young people — boys, girls….” Jerry Sandusky – quoted in the New York Times.

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So USC’s Matt Barkley will not be invited to the Heisman ceremony, probably because his team is on probation for the misdeeds of Pete Carroll and Reggie Bush. But LSU’s Tryann Mathieu will be there, despite having been suspended earlier this year for the misdeeds of himself. Can’t understand how college football gets such a sleazy reputation….

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Cliff Harris, Oregon’s All-American Cornerback, was already suspended from the team (for the second time this year) when he apparently violated team rules and coach Chip Kelly dismissed him. Looks like Harris is well on his way to becoming a first round draft pick for the Bengals.

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The head of the FAA was arrested Saturday night for DUI. Guess his real ambition was to be a pilot?

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Robbers stole $1900 from a Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse in Pasadena. Wow. That’s almost the receipts from three steak dinners.

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Newt Gingrich is lambasting Nancy Pelosi for her comments that that she knows “a lot” about the former speaker because of the year she spent investigating him. In fact, Newt sounds so upset, maybe he’s forgotten Pelosi isn’t one of his ex-wives.

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Dan Quayle is said to be planning an endorsement today. Wonder if the former V.P.’s statement will say he is endorsing “Mitt Romny”.

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Jon Huntsman today said that Donald Trump’s talks with other candidates are “pure BS.” Is the man bound and determined to get the votes of all the thinking GOP primary voters? All five or six of them?

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Apparently Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman won’t attend the debate moderated by Donald Trump. The Donald, insulted, referred to them as “joke candidates,” with “zero chance of getting elected.” Well, it takes a former one to know one.

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Many in the media are focused on the fact that Tim Tebow only completes about 40 percent of his passes. Well, that’s a much better percentage than Herman Cain.

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In Japan, a number of luxury sportscar drivers ended up in an 11 car pileup that smashed eight Ferraris, a Lamborghini and two Mercedes – over $1 million worth of automobiles. It was one of the most expensive wrecks of the year. Following perhaps only Kim Kardashian’s wedding.

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from T.C. “The Jacksonville Jags have been sold and rumored to be relocating to LA. A team in LA playing in the AFC South? Makes sense, KC is in the AFC West, StL in the NFC West and as another reader mentioned last week, Dallas plays in the NFC East. If Hawaii ever gets a team, they can be placed in the AFC East. Hawaii IS EAST of China.”

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Bowled over?

December 5, 2011

In a college football season, only one team stays undefeated all year, after beating their rival by 3 points. And that rival ends up with only the one loss. And so since it’s that close, why not a rematch in the national championship? Well, except when it was Ohio State beating Michigan 42-39 in 2006 And the Florida Gators got into the championship game. (Apparently Michigan didn’t qualify under the SEC codicil.)

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Here’s a crazy easy idea for the National Championship. Can’t be any worse. Play the big bowls Jan 1 like they used to – either the four BCS bowls or those bowls plus say, the Cotton Bowl. Vote afterwards and have the top two vote-getters play a week later.

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One reason Jim Harbaugh probably figures he made the right choice to jump to the 49ers last year: In the NFL you can lose a game and still have a chance to play for the championship.

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It seems like yesterday that many pundits figured Tim Tebow was John Elway’s taking a shot in the “SuckforLuck” bowl. Of course, I figured Alex Smith was going to serve the same function for Jim Harbaugh.

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With LSU-Alabama in the National Championship, schools in the SEC conference will divvy up $34 million. Wonder how many thousands will go for academics?

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LSU coach Les Miles was quoted on ESPN saying he is very happy to be playing Alabama. Well, yeah, a team with a mediocre offense they know they can beat. With a lot less prep work than it would take for Oklahoma State.

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The first of many Fiesta Bowl trivia items: Brandon Weeden, the OSU QB, is 28 years old. (Really.) That’s older than Alex Smith, Tim Tebow and Aaron Rodgers -Rodgers turned 28 on Friday.

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Manny Ramirez has had his second PED suspension reduced from 100 games to 50 games. Plus Manny has both hired agents AND filed for reinstatement from MLB’s retired list. Even Brett Favre is saying “Dude, give it up already.”

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There are rumors that Herman Cain may now endorse Newt Gingrich. Well, Newt may not have shown he can lead the country, but he has shown Herman a path on how to rebound from “woman issues.”

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Cain says he’s not quitting, he’s just changing to Plan B – “changing Washington from the outside.” Hmmm, wonder if Sarah Palin helped him out by writing that message on his palm with a sharpie.

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And regarding plan B, might not have been necessary if Cain had had a plan Z (as in keep your zipper zipped.)

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In the Pen, State

December 1, 2011

Joe Amendola, Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer now says he might have to talk to his client at some point about pleading guilty to charges of child sex abuse.

Not that things weren’t bad enough before, but when your lawyer who married his 16 year old CLIENT after he got her pregnant (true, you can google it) thinks you’re too guilty to defend, well it’s probably over.

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So what did coaches like Joe Paterno and Joe Boeheim really say during those recruiting trips? – “Yeah we’ll carefully look after your sons, but you’d better guard their little brothers on visiting weekends.”

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The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports that interim coach Tom Bradley will be in charge of the Penn State football team through this year’s bowl game. Translation, as if we could find someone else to step into the middle of this mess.

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LSU coach Les Miles stands to make over $6 million this year with bonuses, further assuring the coach will stay in Baton Rouge instead of considering an pro job. Plus there’s the major advantage in getting new players in the SEC as opposed to the NFL. Juvenile records can be expunged.

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Anyone missing the NBA regular season at this point? Me neither.

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Kris Humphries now wants his marriage to Kim Kasdashian annulled, saying that it was a “fraud.” Making him perhaps the last person in America who paid attention to the marriage to figure that out.

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A Utah hunter is recovering after being shot in the buttocks when his dog stepped on a shotgun that he had laid across the bow of his boat. Guess that’s what he gets for having named the pooch “Cheney.”

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Herman Cain told Fox News he is indeed “reassessing” his campaign saying the accusations are ” constantly weighing on me and my family, especially my family, because it continues to stir in the news.” You think he might have thought his actions may have weighed on his family…?
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Meanwhile, Cain today told his supporters to “stay informed because … stupid people are running America.” Not necessarily disagreeing with him, but some even stupider people WANT to be running America.

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For Herman Cain, maybe it’s not taxes but attractive women he should have approached with the plan “Nein, nein, nein.”

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Barry Zito is apparently getting married. Well, for a change, and for his sake, let’s hope this one actually turns out to be a successful long-term contract.

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Apparently Tampa QB Josh Freeman had a minor accident and injury at a shooting range earlier this season. Freeman has thrown 16 interceptions this year; sounds like he’s as accurate with a gun as he is with a football.

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Happy Cyber Monday.

November 28, 2011

Today, November 28 is this year’s Cyber Monday. The day American women prove they can be as unproductive at work as men are during the first rounds of March Madness.

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Barnes and Noble’s ad “Cyber Monday is here, plan your lunch break accordingly.” Wonder if their ad agency was able to write that with a straight face.

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On a brighter note, many Americans will at least find their friends are too busy to send them “copy this as your status,” messages, or Farmville requests.

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Another week, another loss for the Colts. Andrew Luck next year is looking at playing for another team that isn’t quite good enough to make it to the BCS title game. (Or heck, maybe even a BCS bowl.)

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Okay, kind of hope I’m wrong because I’d rather believe the best of people. But who wants to join me in a prediction that Jim Boeheim follows Joe Paterno into at least temporary unemployment?

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Up in Canada, the B.C. (British Columbia) Lions won the Grey Cup (the CFL equivalent of the Super Bowl), after starting the season with not only low expectations, but also a 0-5 record. So in other words, the Lions turned out to be the anti-Miami Heat.

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But really, 0-5? And the Lions made this great comeback apparently without divine intervention or even his chosen messenger Tim Tebow.
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The half-time entertainment for the Grey Cup? -Nickleback.

So Canada may not have serious big time football. But at least for their championship game they have halftime entertainment that music fans under 30 actually listen to.

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In OT, Chargers 13, Broncos 16. Ever get the idea that God sent Tim Tebow just to “mess” with the heads of NFL experts?
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Never been a fan of athletes who spend a lot of time thanking God. On the other hand, Tebow isn’t raping women, getting in bar fights, or being arrested for some combination of alcohol, drugs and guns. And he makes “experts” look stupid. Starting to seriously root for the guy.

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Bill Clinton referred to Newt Gingrich as “articulate.” Several other GOP candidates couldn’t decide if that was a compliment or insult until they googled “articulate.”

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The N.H. Union Leader endorsed Newt Gingrich for President. Which puts Newt in position to follow their last endorsements. Presidents Pete DuPont (1988), Pat Buchanan (1992 and 1996), Steve Forbes (2000), and John McCain (2008).

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As the child molestation allegations mount, Syracuse University on Sunday fired associate basketball coach Bernie Fine. Just one question – what took them so long?

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In the “bus to hell” department, assume no late night comic will dare make “I feel Fine,” jokes…

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And on a serious note, the worst thing to my mind about the Jerry Sandusky-Bernie Fine stories: Wondering how many others of these perverts are in high school and college programs who haven’t been caught (or turned in) yet.

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In the bag?

November 28, 2011

For their environmentally conscious fans, this Christmas season, the 49ers are now putting their logo on a reusable shopping bag. Apparently the sack can be used at least nine times.

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All these pundits saying how much better the SEC is than the Pac 12. Well, in that case why don’t some SEC teams schedule regular season games against some Pac 12 teams on the West Coast for the “easy” wins and the bragging rights….? (Heck, there isn’t even a scheduled bowl game with a SEC-Pac 12 matchup.)

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6-6 UCLA will go to the Rose Bowl if by some miracle they upset Oregon next week. And 7-5 Louisville is still alive for a major bowl bid as potential Big East champions. Wonder if they call them BCS bowls because NCAA basketball nixed the term “January Madness?”

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On the other hand, it’s not just the BCS that can mess up college football. The newly expanded Pac 12 has their first championship game next weekend. Because of the conference divisions, it will pit 11-1 Oregon against 6-6 UCLA. Yes, those same Bruins who warmed up for the game by losing to USC 50-0.

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In that 50-0 loss, the Bruins wore white. Wonder if the uniforms were made of used flags?

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NASA’s Mars rover “Curiosity” lifted off today on a two-year mission to Mars looking for signs of potential life. If successful, “Curiosity” will next look for signs of life with Mitt Romney.

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President Obama went shopping with his daughters at two local small bookstores in Washington, DC today. Waiting to see which GOP candidate will be the first to claim that buying books is elitist.

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One of many silver linings from the NBA lockout. Fans of the Clippers, Wizards and Raptors probably won’t have to watch their teams lose 50 games this year.

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And the real reason the NBA settled their lockout in time for Christmas games? The players couldn’t face the thought of having to decide which of their families to spend the holidays with.

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Gentlemen, start your field goal practices:

November 22, 2011

If LSU ends up playing Alabama in the BCS National Championship will the game be be sponsored by Sherwin Williams? Because another Field Goal derby would be like watching paint dry.

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Jay Cutler is out for the year. Wonder how long it took for that phone call from Hattiesburg, Mississippi to Chicago saying “I’m available.”

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Fox’s Megyn Kelly referred to the pepper spray that University Police used on U.C. Davis students as “a food product.” Well, heck, let’s put the stuff in school cafeterias then. The spray could be used both for discipline problems and as a vegetable.

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Ground staff at Liverpool’s John Lennon Airport are staging a series of two-hour
strikes this week. Which means Lucy and her Diamonds may be in the Sky, but not, alas, you and your luggage.

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So for a prescription, Walgreen’s was out of Allegra in the 30 count bottle. Which was $9.99. But they had two 15 count packets, which they say they would sell me $27.98. And the young woman behind the counter didn’t see the problem. If corporations are people, they are the greedy, stupid relatives you don’t want to see at Thanksgiving.

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Newt Gingrich is defending his third wife, who he “dated” for six years while married to his second wife. Newt claimed that lies have been told about Callista, and “it’s not fair.” I guess Gingrich feels that if there are going to be lies involving any of his wives, he should be the one to tell them.

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TCU placekicker Ross Evans has been charged with kicking in the door of a Denton, Texas apartment, supposedly while trying to receive his cell phone. Evans is free on bail but has been charged with criminal mischief. Had he only been Alabama’s placekicker Ross would have missed the door wide right.

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A recent poll showed Newt Gingrich leading the GOP primary as far as being the best potential “Commander in Chief.” Or it’s possible respondents misheard the question, and thought they were answering “Who’ll make the best PHILANDERER in Chief?”

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Retired Florida football coach Urban Meyer says he hasn’t received an offer from Ohio State, but if he they do offer him the coaching job, “I’ll have a decision to make.” Presumably whether he wants to spend more time tattooing his family?

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(This next will make the most sense to Canadian readers. But anyway…)

British Columbia, who started the Canadian Football Season 0-5, is in the Grey Cup, and Detroit looks to be heading for the NFL playoffs. Guess with the success of avowed Christian Tim Tebow, God wanted to dole out a measure of success for the Lions.

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So brothers Jim and John Harbaugh will square off as NFL coaches on Thanksgiving. Given the relationship, and Jim’s known propensity for “enthusiasm,” will the post-game handshake be replaced by a pillow-fight?

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The University of Arizona announced the hiring of Rich Rodriguez as their new football coach by Twitter. Makes some sense, one of the few printable things fans in Michigan might say about Rodriguez is that he is a first class twit.

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In the “a plague on both your houses” category: In the private sector if your job is to come up with a budget in two months and you come back to your boss and say “Sorry, couldn’t do it,” you are looking at unemployment.

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This just in, the Congressional Super Committee has failed to come up with a deficit reduction plan. But they did agree that Candy Corn and Boston Baked Beans Candy both qualify as vegetables.

(added my friend Bill Schmarzo, “does that mean Swedish Fish qualifies as a protein?”)

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Really, folks, the super-committee’s failure is disappointing. But realistically they had about as much chance of success as the Washington Redskins did of making the playoffs.

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From T.C. “Hidden-camera footage taken at Sparboe Poultry facilities show birds being abused. McDonalds has terminated business with this supplier. ‘These people are creepy, sick, demented and need help,’ says Jerry Sandusky.” – TC in BC

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Moving the football.

November 21, 2011

Who knew? The so-called “Game of the Century” between LSU and Alabama, might not have been one of the top ten college games of November.

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Listening to all these NFL players introduce themselves and their college, I propose a new rule – You only get to mention your college or university IF you have actually graduated.

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Stanford’s Andrew Luck was named a first-team Academic All-American with his 3.48 GPA in Architectural Design. In the SEC, at least a few QBs can allegedly spell “Architectural Design.”

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All this strength-of-schedule crap. Never going to change with the BCS. Because an out-of-conference loss knocks teams down so far, there’s no reason for SEC to play good Big 12, Big 10 or Pac 12 teams. And vice versa. We get one or two games like LSU-Oregon and the rest is conjecture. Another reason we need a playoff.

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The University of Miami, currently tied for #7 in the ACC, has decided to self-impose a bowl ban for 2011. What a crushing disappointment for all those kids who grew up dreaming of playing in the AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl.

While readers may know I’m biased in favor of Stanford, I am not a 49ers fan (I root for the Saints.) But San Francisco is having an impressive year.

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For those West Coast sports fans tired of East Coast bias, the most fun part about listening to the Sunday Night Football? Listening to the announcers talk about marquee teams like the Giants and Eagles, and realizing neither of them is playing as well as the 49ers.

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Of course, if the BCS had anything to do with the NFL playoffs, the 49ers would be seeded about 10th.

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“Breaking Dawn” took in over $139 million this weekend. With an audience that was 80 percent women. Amazing. How the heck did some of those women get men to go with them?

(my niece Sarah implies some teenage boys may have been crazy like foxes and gone to a showing to meet teenage girls. Alex Kaseberg says “It rained so hard in LA it washed a straight dude into a showing of “Breaking Dawn.”)

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Of course, maybe this is all a plot. By opening “Breaking Dawn” the weekend before Black Friday, millions of American men may decide that if their wives or girlfriends give them choice, they’d rather go shopping.

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Jim Harbaugh was the most sought after potential NFL head coach last year. And it is just possible that he might have been under-rated.

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Congress is giving us yet another oxymoron – “Super-committee.”

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The new MLB contract between the owners and players will reputedly include testing for HGH. Translation- The players have found something better.

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In Sunday’s Vikings-Raiders game, Minnesota almost punted early because the officials forgot third down. “See, not so easy is it?” said Rick Perry.

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Another one doesn’t bite the dust.

November 20, 2011

But numbers #2 and #4, and #5 and #7 sure did.

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Lee Corso’s “F*** it” comment today on College Game Day is going viral. In Corso’s defense he says was just previewing what BCS executives are saying to each other tonight looking at what’s left of their top 10.

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In Eugene, Oregon still had BCS title hopes alive until the last second, with a chance to tie USC and put the game into overtime, but their field goal attempt sailed wide left. Who do the Ducks think they are, Florida State?

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Ugly win in ugly weather for Stanford over Cal. But Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Oregon and Clemson would trade places with the Cardinal tonight.

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Meanwhile, Stanford’s Andrew Luck was named to the NCAA’s Academic All American first team. The response from most of the SEC “Academic? Is that like part of the Academy Awards or something?”

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Meanwhile Penn State beat Ohio State. Sad to think that a month ago this would have made fans of clean football programs happy.

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Old Navy goofed up earlier this year with “Lets go” football shirts (no hyphen). Now Victoria’s Secret came out with a “Hail to the Victors” shirt. Except that the shirt is green, and says “Go Spartans”…. (Don’t know if they’re more offended in Ann Arbor or Lansing.)

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If President Obama wants a big jump in his approval ratings maybe he should consider an executive order making the BCS unconstitutional. (The SEC is all red states anyway.)

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Meanwhile, happy belated birthday (Saturday) to V.P. Joe Biden. Hard to believe it was just a few short years ago that he was considered to be the politician most likely to embarrass himself by opening his mouth.

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Joe Paterno’s son Jay said Friday that while his world has turned “upside down” in the past two weeks, “We’ve got to make sure we keep focus on the victims of this whole tragedy.”

Uh, isn’t Jerry Sandusky saying there are no victims?

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Jon Huntsman appeared on SNL Saturday night, and was funny, self-deprecating, and articulate. On a night with Kermit the Frog and some Muppets on the show, Hunstman showed again why this Republican primary is calling for a rousing chorus of “One of these things is not like the other.”

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Newt Gingrich has apparently received millions from companies he has “advised” in Washington since leaving Congress. Well, since as a man with three wives Gingrich is defending traditional marriage, why can’t he also run as an insider who wants to reform Washington?

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Mitt Romney said this weekend – “I’m not looking for the next step in my political career. I don’t have a political career.” Paraphrased, “I’m blaming everything I supposedly said and did in Massachusetts on my evil twin.”

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It’s shaping up to be a great Sunday for football fans in Indianapolis – the Colts have a bye week.

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Finally tonight’s “bus to hell” comment courtesy of T.C. “NCAA announces plans for the 1st annual Churchill Downs Horseplayers Bowl: Penn St vs Syracuse.”

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Lack of control?

November 19, 2011

The NCAA says today they are now investigating Penn State’s “exercise of institutional control over its intercollegiate athletics programs.” “What took you so long” said former officials from FEMA.

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Urban Meyer left his head coaching job at Florida after the 2009 season due to “health concerns.” Now he is rumored to be the next head coach at Ohio State. Maybe he’s recovered, or maybe he’s decided that after the Penn State scandal, tattoo and compensation scandals are potentially a lot less stressful than they used to be.
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Major League Baseball apparently has a labor agreement in place that will last until 2016. No strikes this time, not even the threat of a strike. Maybe this is one of the reasons MLB is losing ground to other professional sports – not enough drama.

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Another day, another massive lettuce recall, this time California’s Ready Pac Foods. Maybe pizza actually is one of the healthier vegetables.

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Okay, so Tim Tebow’s won a few games. But he has completely ruined Broncos GM (and Stanford grad) John Elway’s “SuckforLuck” strategy.

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The Columbia band, previously banned from the field for making fun of their football team’s 0-9 record, has been reinstated for Saturday’s season finale. In a statement the band said “We look forward to honoring the senior class — both on the football team and in the band — and cheering the Columbia Lions on to victory.” (Privately band members added, “Well, two out of three ain’t bad.”)

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Jon Stewart last night talked about the ever-changing GOP frontrunners and called Newt Gingrich is the “latest ‘zombie’ candidate who doesn’t know he’s already dead.” Stewart’s already received an angry demand for an apology – from the zombie union.

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Have to figure both Stanford and Cal football coaches will tell their players to think about Okla State – Iowa State game tomorrow.

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Congrats to the Iowa State Cyclones. Watching the post-game celebration, I think the entire population of Ames, Iowa was on the field.

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Now there is only one top-level undefeated college football team (LSU, apologies to the University of Houston), and a slew of one-loss teams. Gosh, if only there were some way to have a post-season that might determine a real champion.

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McDonald’s cut off their relationship with their previous egg supplier over claims of animal cruelty. McRib fans don’t have to worry, as there is no evidence the sandwich contains any sort of meat.

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Regarding the new movies “Breaking Dawn” and “The Descendants,” what’s more unbelievable? That a woman would marry a vampire? Or that a woman would cheat on George Clooney?

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Open note to all those people who seem to think Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi Moore because he was younger than she was…. That doesn’t exactly explain Donald Trump, Newt Gringrich, JFK…

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A potential Christmas stocking stuffer this year is the bendable Sarah Palin action figure. Of course, for those last-minute types, the not yet released Mitt Romney figure will be able to bend into a lot more positions.

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Herman Cain is now suggesting the Taliban is part of the new Libyan government. Forget 9-9-9, his new campaign slogan should be “better to keep silent and be thought a fool, than speak out and remove all doubt.”

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Missouri football coach Gary Pinkel pleaded guilty to drunken driving today, two hours after he was formally charged. The assistant prosecutor said he wanted to “get the case resolved and accept responsibility for his actions”, which was “definitely unusual.” No kidding, accountability in college football? What a concept.

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Bush to hell section. (And okay, anyone who found my blog looking for Penn State jokes already bought their ticket):

So it won’t be “Boyz II Men” playing at any Penn State bowl game.

Here are some songs we won’t hear at halftime of any Nittany Lions bowl game:

Oops I did it again.

Get closer,

Close to you

Where the Boys are.

Touch me in the morning.

(And of course with these bus to hell moments, more suggestions encouraged.)

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Another chance at the #1 pick bites the dust?

November 7, 2011

For many NFL fans, Sunday is a day of frustration. And today the most frustrated fans in the U.S. might reside in Miami. Where the Dolphins’ failure to collapse as usual cost them first place in the Andrew Luck bowl.

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Peyton Manning has talked about wanting to come to practice to try to help the Colts, even if he can’t play. At this point Indy may ban him from being anywhere near the field.

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Now that Miami has no chance for a “perfect” record, will the 1972 Dolphins celebrate by breaking out some Andre Cold Duck? Or generic beer?

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Still can’t quite believe that 9-6 – (in overtime) – LSU Alabama game. Most of the players haven’t seen a score that low since they took their SAT tests.

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If we needed any more proof that ESPN has become a wholly owned subsidiary of the SEC (as well as the Yankees), the headlines tonight might remove the doubt – “Alabama falls to #3 after loss to LSU.” As opposed to “Undefeated Stanford still behind one-loss Alabama in BCS poll.”

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I know Barack Obama is a Bears fan, but you have to figure he’s developing a soft spot for the Redskins. Because once a week now, Washington residents are screaming at someone besides the President.

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So does today’s 38-24 Denver-Oakland game mean that God really loves Tim Tebow? Or that He/She just really doesn’t like the Raiders?

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So a thought for all these folks calling for an LSU-Alabama rematch in the National Championship: Teams tend to be more conservative in big bowl games. Which means last night’s tie in regulation might be a 0-0 game in January. So how many overtimes would it for both teams to go to penalty kicks?

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San Diego’s Philip Rivers threw 3 interceptions in a 45-38 loss to the Packers today. Well, adding this to last week’s fumble means that Rivers probably won’t make the Pro Bowl but that giving spirit does make Philip the front runner to play Santa Claus at the Chargers’ Christmas party.

(my friend Michael Moroney adds “or the Packers’ party.”)

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My son noticed this, and we wonder why ESPN doesn’t seem too concerned about college athletes neglecting academics : GAMEDAY WEEK 11: NOV 12 2011
LIVE FROM PAL ALTO, CA (Guess things like spelling/geography aren’t required for a career in sportscasting.)

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“Puss in Boots” remains #1 at the Box Office, thanks to the family audience. Makes sense. Kids love the cats. And moms just close their eyes to listen to and think about Antonio Banderas.

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Kris Jenner insists that the public shouldn’t criticize Kris, because they don’t “really know her family.” Dear gawd, you know what that means – more Kardashian “reality” shows.

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Well, at least she’s consistently inconsistent: Liz Cheney, saying that the media’s focus on sexual harassment allegations against Herman Cain were “pretty frustrating,” and “this is not the issue that’s going to decide the election.” Of course, Liz recently attacked Bill Clinton’s involvement with the White House because “there’s not exactly an impeccable record of integrity there on the part of the former president.”

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Okay, I have no idea exactly what happened between Herman Cain and his accusers back in the 1990s. But I do have to wonder, if it were women who were coming forward to make similar accusations against a young Barack Obama, would all the conservatives claiming “dirty tricks” and “racism” be giving the President the same benefit of the doubt?

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Rolled Tide?

November 6, 2011

How ugly was the LSU-Alabama game tonight? Many fans turned to NHL games just to see some scoring.

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In Alabama some frustrated fans went to kick their dogs after tonight’s loss. Fortunately for the pets they missed wide right.

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Yes, LSU and Alabama have good defenses. But shouldn’t we expect the “Game of the Century” to have more scoring than you’d expect in an overnight line for the iPhone 4s?

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Anyone who watched the 52-45 Oklahoma State-Kansas State shootout might say, not only wasn’t LSU -Alabama the “Game of the Century,” it wasn’t even the “Game of the Night.”

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And sorry, all the commentators are saying the 9-6 overtime score was because both defenses were so good. Isn’t it just possible that a contributing factor might have been that both offenses were so bad?

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LSU and Alabama did so little scoring, afterwards both teams received free gear declaring them honorary San Francisco Giants.

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Although for those Americans tired of hearing about the “Occupy” movement, give the teams credit. Neither of them ever “Occupied” the end zone

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An arrest warrant has been issued for Terrell Owens after he failed to show up for a court date regarding child support payments. Well, T.O wanted to be wanted.

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Another Saturday, two more upsets of highly rated teams (Michigan and Nebraska) in the “Legends” division of the Big 10. Yeah, “Legends” are great, but “Reality” can be a real b*tch.

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A thought about Steve Williams’ stupid racial slur against Tiger Woods. It’s a shame the two of them had a falling out. Because Williams and Woods seem to richly deserve each other.

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Another thought about this “personhood” amendment which would define life as beginning at the moment of fertilization. It’s not that big a step beyond to decide that “self-stimulation” is murder.

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Some pretty nasty allegations coming out of Penn State regarding a high-level cover up of a former football defensive coordinator’s alleged sexual abuse of boys. Who did the university think they were, the Vatican?

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A source told ESPN that hopes for an NBA labor deal are bleak. Can we title this one “What if they cancelled a whole basketball season, and nobody cared?”

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Who’d a thunk this? Herman Cain debated Newt Gingrich one on one Saturday night. And the guy who dumped TWO sick wives for younger women was the one not dodging sexual allegations.

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R.I.P. Andy Rooney. Wonder what the first thing will be that he will complain about in heaven?

(Augie suggests he asks “So, what about the other 10 Commandments Moses smashed on the rocks? Can I take a peek at them now?”

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The White House actually issued a reponse to two petitions to asking the U.S. government to acknowledge formally that aliens have visited Earth and to disclose any intentional withholding of government interactions with extraterrestrial beings.

This is from the White House Office of Science and Technology on their website: “The U.S. government has no evidence that any life exists outside our planet, or that an extraterrestrial presence has contacted or engaged any member of the human race. In addition, there is no credible information to suggest that any evidence is being hidden from the public’s eye.”

I don’t know, some days it seems like not only have aliens visited Earth, but also some of them have stayed and are running for President.

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