Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category
August 26, 2011
First an earthquake, now an oncoming hurricane. The headline for this week in D.C. might be “God is coming and She is pissed.”
–
Irene may actually end up staying at hurricane force through much of New England. Which means it’s a good thing neither Rick Perry nor Mitt Romney have outdoor events scheduled in the Northeast this weekend.
Otherwise it could be tragic, both of them might need to publicly comb their hair.
–
Keppinger, Sandoval and Belt are the exceptions. But otherwise with the SF Giants’ lineup they might as well rename A T and T Park to Jurassic Park. Because it houses a bunch of dinosaurs.
–
Here’s a story that everyone but Yankees fans will enjoy. Star pitcher Jared Weaver signed a contract to stay with the Angels for the “discounted” price of $85 million over five years. When he could have had well over $100 million as a free agent. Weaver’s explanation “If $85 [million] is not enough to take care of my family and other generations of families, then I’m pretty stupid.”
–
Looks like Danica Patrick is finally making the move from Indy cars to NASCAR. Another step towards broadening her claim to being the Anna Kournikova of car racing.
–
Fred Couples has decided to add Tiger Woods to the 12-man President’s Cup team, saying “He’s the best player in the world forever.”
In related news, Brett Favre asked Couples if he’d consider being on the Pro Bowl selection committee.
–
–
In case anyone still has any doubt that it’s all about winning, note the fact that there seems to be more criticism about Tim Tebow as an NFL quarterback, than about Michael Vick.
–
This story’s not getting better. Now a witness says she saw LSU starting QB Jordan Jefferson kick someone in the face during a bar fight that injured four people last week. Maybe Jefferson’s trying to get his felonies out of the way BEFORE he joins the NFL?
–
Sarah Palin issued a statement criticizing the media speculation regarding her intentions about the presidential race. Karl Rove responded by accusing Palin of having “thin skin.” Really? Next Rove will observe that President Obama might be black.
GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney said in N.H this week this young people should study harder, and learn that esteem comes from “living with integrity and getting married before they have kids.” Well, if Romney gets the nomination, at least Americans probably don’t have to worry about another V.P. run from Sarah Palin.
–
In the category of “You might be white trash if…” A couple was arrested in Pennsylvania for allegedly shoplifting more than $1,000 in food from a supermarket for their wedding reception that afternoon. (Have to wonder, what were the guests told when they showed up?)
–
From Bill Littlejohn: Only 347 people showed up for the first game of the doubleheader between the Marlins and the Reds at Sun Life Stadium.In fact, Libyan rebels were seen searching the upper centerfield bleachers for Moammar Gadhafi”
–
But really, 347 fans? Really? This isn’t a major league baseball ballpark, it’s a witness protection program.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Jared Weaver, Marlins attendances jokes, Marlins jokes, Palin jokes, Romney jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
August 25, 2011
Some GOP candidates do indeed plan to blame Tuesday’s earthquake on President Obama, but first they have to figure out how to credit the fall of Gadhafi to George W. Bush.
–
From Marc Ragovin: So the NY Metro region was hit by a 5.9 magnitude earthquake the other day. Either that or Rex Ryan carried out his threat to put his foot down during training camp.
–
Meanwhile, looking like Hurricane Irene may be the biggest wind to hit Washington since Joe Biden was sworn in as V.P.
–
Actually considering Joe Biden is the vice president, some may really go after President Obama about Irene. Because surely he could have deployed Biden to blow hard against the storm.
–
The latest from Texas Gov. Rick Perry. “Bush did an incredible job, during his presidency, defending us from freedom.” So much for all those who say I never agree with anything Perry says.
–
Jeb Bush, on being conservative – It is “not necessarily a bad thing. But if you are a conservative, you have to persuade. You have to defend a position. You can’t just be against the president.” Responded most of the GOP field – “Wanna bet?”
–
During the NBA lockout, Blake Griffin will intern at Will Ferrell’s “Funny or Die.”
Well, if anyone should be experienced with punchlines, it’s a member of the Clippers.
–
Waiting for the first Tea Party candidate or elected official to stand up and say that they think it would wrong to ask the Federal Government for money after Irene hits.
–
Old Navy has a new college football line of t-shirts with 70 universities, using their college colors. The shirts are supposed to say “Let’s Go” – and then the school name or nickname. Except that they say “Lets Go.” No apostrophe. This is what comes of hiring SEC graduates.
(anyone who likes the above joke please feel free to substitute their rival university for the graduates punchline.)
–
A bipartisan joke inspired by my friend Scott Brady. Matt Holliday of the St. Louis Cardinals had a moth fly into his ear during a game and had to have the insect removed with a tweezer. Surprised in some ways this doesn’t happen to more politicans, who spend so much time making speeches outside. Although maybe it’s because the moths fly in one ear and out the other.
–
This next may only make sense to readers who have been in Philly:
Joey Vento, the owner of Geno’s Cheesesteak’s in Philadelphia, died Tuesday of a massive heart attack at the age of 71. To accommodate all the mourners, funeral guests will have their choice of three brief ceremonies, which will be labeled “Wiz,” “American”, and “Provolone.”
–
Actually one thing that may keep the crowds down at Vento’s funeral. Young people may not really know who he was. And older folks who ate his cheesesteaks regularly probably didn’t outlive him.
–
–
Millions of American women were thrilled to hear winery owner Ben Flajnik will be the next Bachelor. Millions of American men were surprised to find out there is something they care less about than the latest Kardashian wedding.
–
–
The Colts have talked Kerry Collins out of retirement to sign as a backup to injured QB Peyton Manning. “What am I, chopped liver?” responded Brett Favre.
–
Finally, on a serious note, former Orioles pitcher and GM Mike Flanagan, 59, was found dead Tuesday night. Initial reports indicate it was a suicide, and that Flanagan was despondent over the Orioles performance and his perceived role in their failures.
I love to joke about sports, but hey, it’s a game. And this story may be a sad reminder that the whole point is that it’s supposed to be a diversion from taking life too seriously.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: earthquake jokes, Hurricane irene jokes, hurricane jokes, irene jokes, Old Navy jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 24, 2011
Magnitude 5.8 earthquake shakes Virginia, D.C. and New York. Maybe God is trying to knock some sense into Congress and Wall Street…
–
Arizona Diamondbacks are in D.C. this week to play the Nationals. Does that mean we can call them “rattled-snakes?”
–
The earthquake felt from DC to NY to Boston was originally announced as a 5.9. Out in California, sports fans have heard the quake may not have hit that hard, it’s just that usual East Coast bias.
–
After today’s big quake can we have at least a 30 day moratorium on East Coasters referring to West Coasters as wimps?
–
Fortunately, there were no airport closures due to the earthquake. There were, however, several air traffic controllers jostled awake from their naps.
–
One of my clients has a Washington, D.C. office and a Menlo Park office. A Washington employee today sent an email to his colleagues in California titled “Five reasons I’m glad I work in D.C. instead of Menlo Park.” Upon opening the email the message was “Make that four.”
–
FEMA just announced there is a significant possibility of an earthquake hitting the Washington D.C. area in this decade.
–
Jerry Leiber of the songwriting duo Leiber and Stoller passed away Monday. The two wrote, amongst other songs, “Hound Dog” and “Jailhouse Rock.” Not, however, as would be appropriate with today’s quake “All Shook Up.”
The men’s golf team from Bethany College, a small Lutheran college in Kansas, has been suspended for three tournaments. This after the young men posed for a picture (posted on Facebook) naked except for strategically placed drivers. Let us all pray this idea never occurs to John Daly.
–
Tacky time: The Washington Monument will be closed to visitors indefinitely after a post-quake crack was discovered in its tip. This could be the biggest problem with an erection in D.C. since Clinton was in office.
–
PETA’s latest tactic is a pornographic website to promote veganism. The website will start with erotic teasers on a sex-with-vegetables theme and then show graphic images of animal suffering. I can see husbands now “Honest, honey, I’m just looking at the site to help baby animals.”
–
Northwestern University researchers have found evidence that at least some men who identify themselves as bisexual are, in fact, (duh) sexually aroused by both women and men. Michele and Marcus Bachmann, however, heard this and stated that they believe “buy-sexual” just means men going to prostitutes.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, D.C. Earthquake jokes, earthquake jokes, Janice Hough, PETA jokes
Comments: 8 Comments
August 23, 2011
After the violence this weekend at Candlestick Park the NFL is apparently going to end 49ers-Raiders preseason games. This isn’t a problem with Giants-As games. Oakland A’s fans don’t show up and SF Giants are too busy with their cellphones.
–
T.C. (from B.C.) adds – Travel Advisory Canada issues warnings on visiting: Syria, Libya, London, Dodger Stadium, Candlestick Park.
–
Actually the 49ers said they will ban tailgating after the game starts from now one. Which may mean less trouble post game. But considering the “last call” mentality it may behoove safety-conscious fans not to argue with anyone during the National Anthem.
–
Meanwhile over in Libya, Qaddafi seems to have disappeared. Has anyone checked Abbottabad? (Apparently there’s a large rental compound available.)
–
The U.S. Olympic Committee has announced it will not submit a bid to host the 2020 Summer Olympics. Guess with the budget issues there’s not enough potential bribe money available.
–
Terrelle Pryor was chosen in the supplemental draft by the Oakland Raiders. Well, guess it’s a good thing he went to Ohio State – means he can look back when he retires on SOME postseason experience.
–
Says Alex Schubert “Insert paycut joke here.”
–
But really, Terrelle Pryor with the Oakland Raiders. What a great place for a young man who has shown himself vulnerable to bad influences and making bad choices….
–
GOP Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman says he’d be open to running as vice president if rival and tea party favorite Michele Bachmann wins the nomination.
So much for that “Vote for me, I’m not crazy” strategy.
–
–
Nathan Fisher is the lawyer for four LSU football players (including QB Jordan Jefferson), accused in a bar fight. He has asked for a postponement of planned interviews for the players at police headquarters.
When asked when he would ideally prefer to reschedule the interviews, Fisher allegedly replied “anytime after the 2012 BCS bowl games.”
–
Lindsay Lohan apparently wore the same dress (different color) to Kim Kardashian’s wedding that Pippa Middleton wore to the reception after Kate and William’s wedding.
Makes a certain amount of sense. Pippa is world renowned for her ass. And Lindsay is now world renowned for acting like an ass.
–
–
Just wondering, all those who think Obama should have chosen a more plebeian vacation spot than Martha’s Vineyard, okay, where should they have gone? Not like the family could have just pulled up to a motel at Virginia Beach or Walt Disney World, they’d have to displace most if not all other guests and it would be an expensive security nightmare.
–
Meanwhile, Mitt Romney showed he’s not quite as out of touch as some say he is. Because he said he’s not going to tear down his $12 million, 3000 square foot La Jolla home to replace it with an 11,000 square-foot home until AFTER he is done with his current campaign.
Makes sense, and I do note that Mitt at least has the grace (or sense) not to complain about Obama’s Martha’s Vineyard vacation.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, Candlestick park violence, Jon Huntsman jokes, Obama vacation, Romney jokes, Terrelle Pryor jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 22, 2011
Joe Biden was in China trying to bolster confidence in the U.S. economy, saying on Friday – “No one has ever made money betting against America.” Well, clearly the V.P. hasn’t watched a lot of major golf or men’s tennis tournaments lately.
–
Regarding God and Tim Tebow. Maybe it’s just that He loves Tim so much He doesn’t want to have him on the field getting tackled all the time.
–
Sarah Palin claims now on her Facebook page that she went to the National World War I Museum in Kansas City last week, although no one at the museum apparently saw her inside.
Palin did post a picture with her daughter and niece, which a reporter said was from inside the Westin in Kansas City.
So maybe what she meant was “I could see the museum from my room.”
–
You have to wonder, did Michele Bachmann consider ordering her speechwriters to get to work on something blaming President Obama for overthrowing Moammar Gadhafi.
–
Good to see the rebels doing well in Libya. Let’s just hope that the difference between rebels and dictators doesn’t turn out again simply to be who’s in charge.
Kim Kardashian got married this weekend. Straight men were as likely to watch the television coverages as Rick Perry is to watch the Science channel.
–
Meanwhile, on a cooler wedding note, country singer Chely Wright was also married last weekend, to her girlfriend Lauren Blitzer. (Wright only came out last year.)
To do this as a country singer and a Christian takes serious guts. Good for Chely.
–
The Help,” was #1 at the box office this weekend. Wonder how many women told their husbands, “it’s okay honey, we don’t have to go, we can stay home and watch coverage of the Kardashian wedding.”
–
A Brett Favre lookalike, wearing a #4 jersey, was apparently signing autographs in Green Bay last week. Though Favre’s “travel coordinator” said Brett was not in Green Bay. Many fans, however, were able to figure the deception out quickly – when the imposter made an instant decision about signing.
–
Foxnews.com is critical of Obama’s taking what their writer Chris Stirewalt calls “a fantasy preppy getaway in New England, as the nation’s economy reels.” Gosh, must have missed Fox’s outraged response when W. took those fantasy cowboy getaways to his ranch.
–
Mitt Romney currently has three homes, a townhouse outside of Boston, a $10 million vacation home in N.H, and a $12 million 3000 sq.ft beachfront place in San Diego. Now he wants to bulldoze the California place to build an 11,000 sq ft home, because the current place is “inadequate for their needs.” Can’t imagine how Mitt gets a reputation for being out of touch.
–
And finally, okay SF Giants fans, admittedly Brandon Crawford can’t hit. But the difference between a .190 average and a .240 average is five hits out of 100 at-bats. Maybe a hit a week. Crawford’s glove takes away almost a hit a game compared to what Tejada-Cabrera let get through. So why isn’t he on the big league roster?
–
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachman jokes, Chely Wright wedding, Fox News jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian wedding jokes, Michele Bachmann jokes, Palin jokes, Tim Tebow jokes
Comments: 7 Comments
August 21, 2011
Rick Perry continued with his anti-evolution remarks, telling a supporter in South Carolina on Friday – “God is how we got here.” Replied God – “Hey, don’t blame me for this.
–
Saturday Night Live premieres in five weeks. Anyone besides me who can’t wait to see Kristen Wiig’s take on Michele Bachmann?
Michele Bachmann is taking some criticism for saying people are afraid “the United States is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China, the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union and our loss militarily going forward.” Even her GOP rival Sarah Palin responded, “I disagree, the American people are strong and fear neither China, India nor the Soviet Union.”
–
Bachmann dismissed her recent gaffes Saturday, saying “the media will report what the media will report.” Yeah, and they have this disturbing tendency sometimes to actually report what a candidate says.
–
The NCAA may have allowed boosters to run wild at Miami and other schools. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t trying to focus on the important things.
For example, Fox Sports reports the NCAA is considering a proposal to allow schools to offer spreads such as butter, cream cheese, jelly or peanut butter on top of bagels they provide for recruits. (Currently, schools are only allowed to provide such spreads for their own student-athletes.)
What’s the motto of all this? – “Cream cheese, it’s a slippery slope?”
–
Texas Gov. Rick Perry has stated he believes in term limits for federal judges, including Supreme Court judges. Can we try this out with Clarence Thomas?
–
President Obama continues to face criticism for his vacation. And yesterday he actually went into a book store and bought books. What a mistake. The GOP knows politicians aren’t supposed to read books, they’re only supposed to write them.
–
Fox MLB Game of the Week announcers say that Cubs pitchers have only one compete game all year. Well, Chicago is traveling to A T and T Park to play the Giants later this month.
–
In today’s first preseason AP top 25 college football poll, the Stanford Cardinal has been ranked #7. But local fans were disappointed to see that voters failed to also include the Cal Bears and Oakland Raiders.
–
LSU quarterback Jordan Jefferson and several unidentified teammates were implicated in a fight at a Baton Rouge bar early Friday morning. So far Les Miles has received two requests for the names of those involved – one from the local media and the other from the draft scouts for the Cincinnati Bengals
—
Karl Rove thinks that Sarah Palin will run for President, but that she will bypass a traditional campaign structure and finance committee. Rove added “I don’t think she thinks the rules apply to her.” Wow, what was his first clue?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, Janice Hough, Michele Bachmann jokes, Obama vacation jokes, Palin jokes, Rick Perry jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
August 20, 2011
Burger King has apparently decided to stop using their creepy King mascot. Republicans responded to this news with – “Yet another job loss we can blame on President Obama.”
–
Not getting this. All the GOP Presidential contenders say that Obama’s actions are making the economy worse. But they are calling on him to come home from vacation. Uh, if what he does hurts the economy, wouldn’t it be better for him to stay away?
–
These days the San Francisco Giants are practicing an “Abstinence only” offense: No scoring.
–
Some think the SF Giants just really need to get their confidence up by batting against a pitcher they can hit. Wonder if they could get a pickup game with a contender in the Little League World Series.
–
from T.C. A bat on board grounded a Delta regional flight to Atlanta. It wasn’t the plane carrying the SF Giants, cause we all know they don’t have any bats.
The Chicago Cubs fired GM Jim Hendry after nine years. Nine years. It took the team that long to figure out Hendry wasn’t going to get them to the World Series? That’s like saying it took Hillary Clinton nine years to figure out Bill wasn’t going to be a faithful husband.
–
With one of the highest payrolls and worst records in MLB, the Chicago Cubs on Friday announced they had fired GM Jim Hendry. According to ESPN.com the actual firing was July 22, but Hendry wanted to help the team by staying on through the July 31 trading deadline. Uh, if he were “helping” the team as GM, wouldn’t Hendry still be employed?
Bristol Palin has had a “T” tattoed on her right foot to signify family – as she said “Track, Trigg, Tripp and Todd.” Don’t forget “Trash.”
–
Once again there are reports out of 49ers training camp that “Alex Smith looks good in practice.” What’s the reverse corollary of bad dress rehearsal – good play?
–
Christine O’Donnell is now claiming that she walked out on the interview with Piers Morgan because he was sexually harassing here. O’Donnell may not have won her Senate race but she has accomplished something more difficult – making Piers Morgan seem almost sympathetic.
–
Texas Governor Rick Perry when asked if he believes in evolution – “It’s a theory that’s out there.” Shame no one can ask God if He/She believes in Rick Perry.
–
During his time at Texas A & M, Rick Perry was a “yell leader,” not a cheerleader, a “yell leader.” (They lead the crowd in chants at sporting events but don’t do flips etc.) On the official A & M yell leader website it states, “It is not uncommon for more than twice as many students to vote for yell leader candidates than vote in the Student Body President elections. In Texas, why am I not surprised
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Christine O'Donnell jokes, Cubs jokes, GOP jokes, Obama jokes, Rick Perry jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
August 19, 2011
This could change, but now it does look like Texas A & M will not be going to the SEC. Guess the Aggies don’t pay their players’ fathers enough.
–
The NFL ruled former OSU QB Terrelle Pryor can enter the supplemental draft, albeit with a five game “suspension” with whatever team drafts him. (as if a rookie QB was going to play anyway.) Well, this ought to teach other players a lesson – if you’re going to break rules, make sure you do it for a college team that draws high television bowl ratings.
–
A silver lining for some in Miami – for now at least the Heat’s performance in the NBA finals isn’t the most embarrassing sports story in town.
–
A tale of two hitting ineups – Tim Lincecum, with a 2.53 ERA is 11-10. C.C. Sabathia, with a 2.96 ERA is 17-7. Sigh. I just hope we never see the Freak in pinstripes.
–
Anyone but me think it’s only a matter of time this year until some San Francisco Giants pitcher throws a nine inning no hitter, and ends up with a no decision?
–
In the late 1990s and early 2000s, Michele Bachman travelled around Minnesota as as an education activist using the title “Dr. Michele Bachmann,” even though she has never obtained a PhD. But, responded her campaign, Michele did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once.
–
A self-proclaimed jihadist has threatened David Letterman after the late-night comedian joked about the death of a Al-Qaeda leader. But no one has threatened Jay Leno despite similar jokes. Meaning that not even jihadists watch the Tonight Show anymore?
–
Sarah Palin says she thinks Barack Obama will have to leave his family vacation early to deal with the economy. But really, isn’t leaving early Palin’s solution to everything?
–
Michele Bachmann’s no comment “quote of the day.”
What people recognize is that there’s a fear that the United States is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China, the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union….”
(To be fair, apparently this quote was from a very right-wing radio talk show, so maybe her listeners ARE still worried about the Soviet Union.)
–
So let me get this straight. After running for Senate, Christine O’Donnell wrote a book “Troublemaker,” that she “hopes will be an inspirational tool for the grassroots conservative movement.” But when asked about issues from the book, O’Donnell walked out of a CNN interview with Piers Morgan, saying “I’m not talking about politics, I’m not running for office.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA football jokes, NCAA jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 18, 2011
Michele Bachmann said when she is President she will make gas prices come down under two dollars a gallon. Which means Ben Bernanke soon won’t be the only person Texas Governor Rick Perry will accuse of being treasonous.
–
from Marc Ragovin: After Rick Perry accused Ben Bernanke of treasonous conduct, Karl Rove said that you just don’t make that kind of charge against the Fed Chairman. “You save it for the President,” according to Rove.
–
The University of Miami just hired football coach Al Golden in December, and already the program is potentially facing the “death penalty.” If the NCAA moves fast enough Golden’s tenure could rival that of George O’Leary at Notre Dame.
–
Although under investigation, the University of Miami says they have no plans to suspend any current players. Translation, unless the NCAA decries otherwise, expect suspensions – but not starting until after whatever bowl game the Hurricanes play in ths year.
–
Panthers coach Ron Rivera says Cam Newton will start Friday night’s preseason game for Carolina against the Miami Dolphins. Rivera allegedly also told his rookie QB to relax and pretend it’s just another college game, albeit with a pay cut.
–
A major league baseball player was placed on the disabled list this week with a shoulder strain that he aggravated by sleeping on it. And shockingly to San Francisco fans, this player is not a member of the Giants. (It was Orioles’ first baseman Chris Davis.)
–
Goldstar, an online ticket site, has been offering discount tickets to the 49ers-Raiders preseason game this upcoming weekend. Wonder how much they would have to pay fans to fill up the stadium.
–
Reports have it that Best Buy ordered 270,000 HP Touchpads and they have sold only 25,000. The most common reaction to this story? “What’s an HP Touchpad?”
–
Regarding that Giants-Mets trade of Zach Wheeler to Carlos Beltran, is it too late to invoke California’s “Lemon Law?”
–
–
Last year, Ohio State’s president Gordon Gee mocked the “Little Sisters of the Poor” by accusing other universities of playing them in football. Today he toured a home for the elderly operated by the religious order in Ohio, and promised to be one of their “greatest advocates.”
Then Gee did add that if the sisters had any room on their 2012-13 schedules, he’d love to arrange a game with the Buckeyes.
–
Abercrombie & Fitch is offering “The Situation” money to stop wearing its clothing. Think the Giants can do that with Barry Zito?
–
A recent poll shows 79% of Americans give an “A” or “B” grade to the public school their oldest child attends, but only 17% gave an “A” or “B” grade to public schools in the nation as a whole.” This is the same great logic that has had Americans so negative about Congress while consistently re-electing their own representatives.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Abercrombie Fitch jokes, Miami jokes, NCAA jokes, Rick Perry jokes, University of Miami jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 17, 2011
TLC is cancelling “Kate plus 8.” Guess the show’s title got too close to describing the remaining number of viewers.
–
The San Francisco Giants injury list continues to grow. Not to say they are a team that might have been relying too heavily on aging veterans, but the only good news today was that some of the medical bills may be covered by Medicare.
–
Meanwhile, across the pond, apparently new evidence has surfaced that Rupert Murdoch’s son James lied about not having seen emails regarding the phone hacking scandal. Who does James think he is? A U.S. college football coach?
–
The University of Miami football booster scandal may end up being the biggest so far of this century. (No joke, over 70 athletes involved, for now.) And in the “you cannot make this ‘stuff’ up dept, former Miami AD Paul Dee, who was in charge during the period of allegations, was the NCAA Committee on Infractions chairman who banned USC for two years over the Reggie Bush and O.J Mayo cases.
–
The latest contender for the Washington QB job is John Beck (who?); Beck will apparently start Friday and get a chance to compete with Rex Grossman. Good thing President Obama only has to try to fix the economy to get re-elected, instead of an impossible project like fixing the Redskins.
–
Self-described Elvis fan Michelle Bachmann just asked a crowd in South Carolina to wish Presley a Happy Birthday. Except that Aug 16 is not his birthday, but the day he died. (August 16, 1977, our head cashier at Farrell’s in Orlando called in sick when she heard the news.)
–
Regarding Michele Bachmann’s wishing Elvis Presley a happy birthday today. If Elvis wasn’t dead the thought of his woman becoming President just killed him.
–
Researchers in England have found evidence that caffeine might protect against certain skin cancers. Either that or spending all your time in Starbucks and other coffee houses means you never get out in the sunlight.
–
Former Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell now says she regrets her “I’m not a witch” ad. Not sure if that’s because it cost her votes, or because the witch’s union threatened to revoke her membership.
–
Alas, Molly Ivins isn’t around to cover the current state of politics in this country, but I do think the times call for reviving some of her quotes – starting with this one:
“Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, Elvis jokes, Janice Hough, Kate plus 8, Molly Ivins quotes, NCAA football jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 16, 2011
Texas Governor Rick Perry today dismissed comparisons between himself and W. But his response to what the biggest difference between the two was -“I went to Texas A&M. He went to Yale.” At least he didn’t say “I have better hair.”
(This answer does mean potential fun in the debates if Mitt Romney is involved. Mitt spent a year at Stanford before transferring to BYU, and has a JD and MBA from Harvard.)
–
Jim Thome might have made the quietest entry yet into the 600 home run club. Of course, he committed a cardinal sin as far as the media is concerned – Thome never signed a free-agent contract with the Yankees.
–
The IRS says a 40 year old woman is facing charges that she obtained obtained fraudulent Social Security numbers for at least 19 non-existent children.
The agency became suspicious when they noticed her last name was neither Gosselin nor Suleman.
–
There are reports that the NCAA is investigating University of Miami over claims that more than a dozen former or current football players received gifts and services from a convicted Ponzi schemer. In Miami’s defense, the school may claim they were just trying to prove they were worthy of an offer to join the SEC.
–
So let’s see, last Sunday the NASCAR race at Watkins Glen was postponed until Monday, and a number of no-names battled it out for the PGA Golf Tournament title.
Television executives now know what they felt like on Wall Street last week.
–
Commie pinko stuff below, including a quote.
–
A preacher from a Central Florida mega-church was found dead in his hotel room in New York, and there are newspaper reports that cocaine was found in the room.
This was the same preacher who divorced his wife two years ago over an affair with a stripper.
And the reaction no doubt from some right-wingers who call themselves Christian – at least he wasn’t gay.
–
–
Multi-millionaire GOP candidate Mitt Romney denied that that he was out of touch with the American people. Then when asked what he thought of President Obama’s bus tour, Romney replied, “What’s a bus?”
–
Many people have posted the whole op-ed, I just like this one simple quote: “I have worked with investors for 60 years and I have yet to see anyone – not even when capital gains rates were 39.9 percent in 1976-77 – shy away from a sensible investment because of the tax rate on the potential gain.” Warren Buffett.
(I am waiting for the first GOP candidate to go after Buffett on this one.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Mitt Romney jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Warren Buffett, Yankees jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
August 15, 2011
Just wondering, all these folks saying it’s God’s will that they run for President. Well, if God really does weigh in on these matters, I’m waiting for the first person to acknowledge God told them to sit down and STFU.
–
Tim Pawlenty on Sunday dropped out of the Presidential race. Thus surprising millions of Americans who didn’t know he was IN the Presidential race.
–
From Marc Ragovin: After finishing way out of the running in the Iowa straw poll, Tim Pawlenty said that he was dropping his presidential bid and would throw his support behind the eventual GOP nominee. That’s like the Clippers announcing that they are ceding five minutes of practice time to the Lakers.
–
Keegan Bradley has won the PGA championship in a playoff. Even Scott Verplank and Steve Stricker are going, “Who?”
–
The Southeastern Conference decided not to expand for football at this time and said they will not be adding Texas A and M. Maybe they’re holding out for a team that might be a better fit – the Carolina Panthers.
–
Sarah Palin doesn’t seem too thrilled by Rick Perry’s decision to run for President: ““I was quite sure he wasn’t going to run because he was quite adamant about it about four months ago. Evidently, he evolved in his thinking.” Okay, political junkies, this might be the first time Palin acknowledged the concept of evolution.
–
The San Francisco 49ers are now reportedly even looking at Daunte Culpepper at QB. Stay tuned, how long can it be until Harbaugh puts in a call to Brett Favre?
–
Maybe the SF Giants are finally learning: Sometimes what you really need to complete an ensemble is a good Belt.
–
Michele Bachmann stated today “I haven’t gone one place in Iowa or South Carolina or New Hampshire where anyone said, ‘Please raise my taxes.” Fair enough, but has she gone anywhere in any of those states where they said “Please cut my services, my Medicare or my social security.
–
Since SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy was running out of players, in the ninth inning he ordered reliever Santiago Casilla not to swing (lest he risk hurting himself.)
Casilla walked on four pitches. Maybe Bochy should issue the same order to some of his struggling position players.
–
–
A friend of mine got a suggestion from Twitter to follow Snooki. Wow. Snooki can write?
(and count to 140?)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, GOP jokes, Palin jokes, Pawlenty jokes, presidential campaign jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
August 14, 2011
How the mighty have fallen. PGA tour and television executives originally hoped for a finish with a battle between Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy or Phil Mickelson. Now it’s, well, the five players atop the PGA Championship leaderboard all have U.S. passports.
–
With apologies to Abbott and Costello, this year’s tournament could be subtitled “Who’s in first?”
–
–
Alex Rodriguez, still not talking to the media about those poker allegations, went 0-3 in his second minor league rehab start. A-Rod said he wasn’t complaining about his performance, and was just playing the hand he was dealt.
–
Barry Zito apparently reinjured his right foot in a rehab start in Fresno. No word on which member of the San Francisco Giants management allegedly put the rusty nail on the mound.
–
The Cubs’ suspended Carlos Zambrano for 30 days after his latest meltdown. Word has it Cubs management was considering a stiffer punishment – trading their mercurial pitcher to the Houston Astros.
–
Michele Bachmann won the Iowa Straw poll. This was great news for many Tea Partiers and all comedy writers.
–
Open note to everyone who thinks that Michele Bachmann’s win in the Iowa straw poll means she will be the GOP nominee, first ask GOP 2008 straw poll winner Mike Huckabee. And to all who think the Iowa primary winner will end up in the White House, ask 2008 winner Mitt Romney.
–
Meanwhile, wonder if Michele Bachmann will have to retire her endless refrain about being born in Waterloo.
It might have helped her in Iowa, but in the rest of the country anyone who studied history thinks of Napoleon, and anyone near baby-boomer age thinks of Abba.
Ron Artest now says he will definitely play in the U.K. this year. Londoners celebrated by making his”Meta World Peace” jersey the most popular choice to be looted.
–
Rough start for Coach Jim Harbaugh with the 49ers. Maybe he got cocky about being able to deal with playing professional teams after all those Stanford games against USC.
–
Lately Tim Lincecum has become the SF Giants equivalent of a great NFL quarterback. Leading his team to a win a week.
–
And yes, a tip of the hat to all readers who thought reading that other teams spelling relief as “G-i-a-n-t-s H-i-t-t-i-n-g.” that the hyphen could be moved from between the T and the S to the S and the H.
–
Walmart severed relations with one of the nation’s largest blueberry growers, after it was reported that the grower uses child labor -including kids as young as five years old, in their field.
Walmart stated they are totally against such practices and believe that kids should have the chance to be kids before they grow up to become exploited Walmart employees.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: PGA championship jokes, PGA jokes, San Francisco 49ers jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
August 13, 2011
Volatile Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano now says he is retiring. He says he wants to spend more time throwing at his family.
–
In Iowa, Saturday is the Ames Straw Poll for GOP Presidential candidates. Not really sure on the point of a straw poll -maybe we can say the winner s*cks the most?
–
All this fuss about the Iowa straw poll. Is it really a good idea to give that much power in picking a U.S. President to a state where a popular food is deep-fried butter?
–
(Thinking back to that line in “Field of Dreams,” – “Is this heaven? No it’s Iowa.” Maybe that deep-fried butter is a way to get to heaven faster.)
–
Sarah Palin said she will decide about running for President by September. Sounds reasonable. That gives her plenty of time to drop out halfway through the primaries
—
The latest college football realignment rumor is that Florida State will also move to the SEC. Now, I’m not a rules expert, but wouldn’t the Seminoles need to get some approvals from parole officers first?
—
Tacky, but… an 18 year old has been kicked off the U.S. Ski Team’s Development squad after he got so drunk (yeah, 18, I know) before a JetBlue flight that he ended up urinating on an 11 year old girl who was also a passenger on the flight. Talk about piss poor judgment.
–
Kim Kardashian’s wedding is about one week away. Can someone explain to me why we should care?
–
Pittsburgh Pirates came into SF with 10 game losing streak. Florida Marlins had 7 game losing streak. How do you spell relief? G-I-A-N-T-S H-I-T-T-I-N-G.
–
Sesame Street producers say Ernie and Bert are “just friends” and there is no need for them to get married. But what of other longtime companions out there? Like Rocky and Bullwinkle….
–
So this weekend at the PGA championship will be Tiger-less. For television executives it will go down in recent history as the “cruelest cut.”
–
From T.C. that TW logo on Tiger’s hat now equals Train Wreck
–
Ah, the generosity of corporations. The price of oil is dropping. So how is Delta Airlines reacting? By announcing a $100 international surcharge on tickets purchased after August 15.
–
Here we go again, another Texas Governor running for President. What is that line about “Those who cannot remember the past….?”
–
Of course, I’m biased, the only Texas Governor I would have voted for for President was Ann Richards.
–
–
News reports are saying that Michele Bachmann and Tim Pawlenty got into a spirited exchange in the Iowa debate. Surprised Minnesotans think this is the first time they’ve seen “Pawlenty’ and “spirited” in the same sentence.
Lastly, an open note to readers, you are welcome to quote anything I write IF you give attribution – leftcoastsportsbabe.com – or just janice hough. But no fun at all to see verbatim quotes – on Fark.com – for example, as someone else’s work. Not cool either.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Iowa jokes, Janice Hough, Pawlenty jokes, straw poll jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Zambrano jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 12, 2011
Tiger Woods shot a 77 Thursday and is danger of missing the PGA tournament cut. At this point Tiger’s media attention to success ratio is approaching that of the New York Mets.
–
During the PGA first round Thursday, Tiger Woods spent so much time in the sand and the water, his next gig could be an audition for one of those Corona beer on the beach commercials.
NFL league officials say they haven’t yet made a decision on whether former Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor will be eligible for the supplemental draft. I’m not sure Pryor gets it, he allegedly offered the officials “some really cool Sugar Bowl memorabilia.”
–
The latest potential college football conference consolidation may have Texas A & M moving to the SEC. (Southeastern Conference) Well, I guess College Station is kinda sorta Southeast Texas. Well, east anyway. And south of Dallas.
–
from Bill Littlejohn regarding the same Texas A & M/SEC rumor: “Aggie enthusiasts are just waiting for ratification of the new SEC booster-player Collective Bargaining Agreement”
–
There’s already controversy over the ESPN-owned “Longhorn Network,” which will premiere August 26 with continuous coverages of University of Texas sports. Well, at least the new channel will be more honestly named than ESPN itself, which this time of year is basically the “Yankees-Red Sox Network.”
–
–
Whatever you think of “entitlements,” this week with the stock markets might be a good time to remember George W. Bush wanted to privatize social security.
–
Some compare the stock market to a roller coaster. Although stock markets have brakes.
–
You really can’t make this stuff up. Mitt Romney, answering a heckler in Iowa. “Corporations are people, my friend… of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people.” (Well, some of the people anyway.)
–
If “corporations are people.” Can I incorporate myself and drive in the carpool lane?
–
The PGA tournament first round leader is actually the #2 ranked American golfer in the world. Yeah, I didn’t know his name either.’
–
Florida Atlantic (and former Miami) football coach Howard Schnellenberger, 77, has announced he will retire from coaching after this season. Responded Joe Paterno. “So young?”
‘-
In response to a petition urging Bert and Ernie to get married, the Sesame Street producers issued a statement saying “they are just good friends.” Amazed Marcus Bachmann hasn’t issued a followup statement claiming credit
And for anyone who has heard all the “sexist” claims about Michele Bachmann being asked about “submitting to her husband,” there’s a bit of history being left out of some stories.
In 2006, Bachmann said in a speech that her husband Marcus told her “to go and get a post-doctorate degree in tax law.” Which she didn’t particularly want to do, but she was certain God was speaking through her husband.
“Why should I go and do something like that?” she recalled thinking. “But the Lord says, ‘Be submissive wives; you are to be submissive to your husbands.'”
–
Wonder if Bachmann will fall back on Newt Gingrich’s line from earlier this year – “Any ad which quotes what I said is a falsehood.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Michele Bachmann jokes, Ohio State jokes, Terrelle Pryor, Texas A & M jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 11, 2011
A “dead cat bounce” (apologies to my cats) is a term used to describe a stock or stocks that crash, and bounce up briefly, but end up falling down again. Hence, they are dead cats and the bounce is an illusion.
So which on Tuesday will turn out to be the deader cat bounce. The stock market’s one-day rise of 430 points? Or the San Francisco Giants’ 6-0 win over Pittsburgh?
(Wednesday the market fell over 500 points and the Giants lost 9-2, to a Pittsburgh team that had lost 11 of 12, and to a pitcher on a four game losing streak.)
–
My friend Rich opined that the Giants might need to “kick some asses.” With all due respect, these days if they tried to kick ass, the Giants would swing and miss.
–
NBA players are scrambling for something to do during the lockout. Lebron James indicates he won’t play in Europe. Instead he might star in a remake of “Wedding Crashers.” At least that way Lebron will get close to some rings.
–
Jacksonville Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio has announced he has now forbidden rookie hazing. I guess he figures playing in Jacksonville is punishment enough.
–
Sometimes no punchline can top reality: Rex Grossman today predicted the Redskins would win the NFC East.
–
The Toronto Blue Jays have been accused of stealing signs, allegedly with a man dressed in white in the outfield, waving his arms around to indicate the pitch.
Actually considering the records, lineups, and most importantly payrolls of the teams in front of the Jays, maybe the fan in white is just signifying surrender.
–
Sarah Palin is relaunching her “One Nation” bus tour this week in Iowa in advance of the GOP straw poll. According to a fundraising solicitation for Sarah PAC, the bus is also scheduled to travel to the boyhood homes of Harry S. Truman and Ronald Reagan (Independence, MO and Dixon, IL). Which means the tour will quit somewhere in the middle of Missouri.
–
Texas Governor Rick Perry told the Dallas Morning News that his alma mater, Texas A&M is considering moving to the SEC for football. Yeah, you can tell Perry is thinking of running for President, he’s focusing on the issues that are really important to Americans.
–
Nigel Lythgoe, an executive producer for “American Idol” said today Jennifer Lopez will return to judge another season. Is this what they call a “behind” the scene report?
–
Tiger Woods seems to be trying to avoid controversy these days. Wood said he texted Steve Williams to congratulate his former caddie on the win Sunday. Tiger would have avoided a lot more than controversy if he had just stuck to texting Williams in the first place..
–
During the FAA impasse when airlines were not collecting the 7.5 percent U.S. domestic tax, our travel agency had exactly ONE client ask about getting the tax back for tickets he had booked in May for early August. This client is a multimillionaire. And some wonder how the rich stay rich.
–
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Lebron James jokes, Palin jokes, Perry jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes, stock market jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 10, 2011
Sarah Palin welcomed her second grandchild, a healthy little girl, born to son Track and wife Britta. Who were married May 21. It’s amazing the advances medicine has made in dealing with very premature babies.
–
Actually, preemies appear to run in the family, as Track himself was born April 20, 1989, and Sarah and Todd eloped August 29, 1988.
–
An Arizona man is recovering after police say he accidentally shot himself in the penis while putting his girlfriend’s gun in the waistband of his pants. Wow. Who would a thunk that Plaxico Burress might have dodged a bullet?
–
The NY Daily News is reporting that MLB officials will soon meet with with Alex Rodriguez regarding his alleged involvement in high-stakes poker games. I’m not sure A-Rod gets it; apparently when the Yankees star was told he really needs to avoid bad situations and focus on baseball, he replied “Absolutely, I’m all in.”
Recently released records show former OSU football coach Jim Tressel made $21.7 million in 10 years as Buckeye coach, including $4.6 million directly from an exclusive deal the university had with Nike. Gosh, can’t imagine how those players ended up with the idea of selling memorabilia.
–
I make no claims to understand the stock markets. But with all these GOP candidates blaming the markets big drop Monday on Obama, wonder why I haven’t heard a single one of them say his speech yesterday might have had something to do with Tuesday’s 420 point gain.
–
Los Angeles businessman Alex Meruelo is going to buy the Atlanta Hawks, during the NBA lockout. Since he’s from Southern California, some wonder why he didn’t try to buy the Clippers. Responded Meruelo – I may be crazy, but not THAT crazy.
–
Michele Bachmann’s latest promise – “I guarantee you the EPA (U.S. Environmental Protection Agency) will have doors locked and lights turned off.” Well, yeah, the EPA was proposed and signed into law by that noted liberal whacko President Richard Nixon.
–
The winner of a video contest will get a chance to bat against Giants’ ace Tim Lincecum in spring training. The at-bat will be delayed until then because San Francisco doesn’t want the winner to embarrass the team’s other hitters.
–
The San Francisco Giants scored a run in the fourth inning and the Pirates pitching coach comes out to the mound. Clearly this unusual event was cause for concern…
And when the team scored three runs in the eighth (two unearned), you had to wonder if the scoreboard operator remembered how to put a crooked number in the Giants column.
–
From T.C. “All these riots and looting in London England – wtf are the Canucks fans doing there in the middle of the off season???
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, A-Rod poker jokes, Janice Hough, Palin grandmother jokes, Sarah Palin jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
August 9, 2011
Lebron James says that despite the possibility of the lockout cancelling the entire NBA season, he is not considering offers to play internationally. Apparently he’s found out that foreign teams expect you to play all four quarters.
–
And in the U.S., football fans are eagerly looking forward to the preseason starting on Thursday.
Meanwhile, up in Canada, Toronto Argonauts fans are saying “Any chance of moving that lockout up here, eh?”
(the Argos are 1-5, losers of five straight, and have been outscored 128-178.)
–
San Francisco Giants manager Bruce Bochy says he used a hypnotist to break his habit of chewing tobacco. Good for him, but maybe next he could use the same hypnotist to break his players’ habit of swinging at pitches out of the strike zone?
–
The Pittsburgh Pirates had lost ten games in a row before Monday night. Maybe the only way to turn the stock market skid around is to send in the San Francisco Giants.
(And open note here to fans of the Padres, Astros, Mariners, Dodgers etc. Fine by me to use any of these Giants jokes and substitute the team that is currently driving you crazy.)
Some supporters of Michele Bachmann think Newsweek deliberately chose a cover photo that made her ‘look crazy’? In response, Newsweek said that if they really intended to make Bachmann look crazy, they would have filled the cover with her quotes.
–
Arnold Schwarzenegger apparently went biking Sunday in an “I SURVIVED MARIA” t-shirt. When they heard about it the Kennedy family allegedly said “Until now, a**hole.”
–
Sunday night’s ESPN Game of the Week between the Red Sox and Yankees went four hours, and that’s BEFORE the game went into the 10th innings.
Why wouldn’t MLB try to enforce rules meant to keep the game moving along? Four hours is insane, and I don’t think I can remember seeing so many commercials during a regular season game. Oops, never mind.
–
The weird world of investing. The S & P downgraded U.S. debt, so investors started fleeing the market for… Treasury bonds?!
–
On the new Pan Am television show, ABC-Disney is trying for 1960’s realism, to a point. There will be no smoking by the flight attendants. No word on further nods to modernity will mean pilots drinking in the cockpit and ATC controllers napping in the control tower.
–
Fallout from the SF Giants-Philadelphia Phillies brawl last Friday. The Phillies’ Shane Victorino was suspended three games. Further fallout from the Giants-Phillies brawl. Ramon Martinez and Eli Whiteside be fined and not suspended. As for Bruce Bochy, MLB figures having to play a .216 hitting catcher is punishment enough.
–
Jorge Posada, batting .230, has been benched indefinitely as the Yankees catcher/DH. Giants fans are going – “A .230 hitting catcher? This year we can only dream.
–
Federal airline ticket taxes are being collected again. And airlines have started rolling back last month’s fare increases, so the prices are likely to be the same. What a coincidence.
–
Commie pinko time: S & P, the only ratings agency to downgrade U.S. credit rating, is owned by McGraw-Hill. The CEO of McGraw-Hill, Harold McGraw III, is a big Romney supporter and was part of W’s economic transition team. Coincidence?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bruce Bochy jokes, Giants jokes, Lebron James jokes, Michele Bachmann jokes, San Francisco Giants, stock market jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 8, 2011
Congratulations to Adam Scott on his PGA tour win today with Tiger’s old caddie, Steve Williams. What if a lot of the greatness wasn’t the man swinging the clubs, but the man holding the bag?
–
As Berney pointed out could happen yesterday, this win means a bigger payout for Williams than for Woods.
–
R.I.P. Mark Hatfield. He was a GOP Senator from Oregon for 30 years (1967-1997. But often took on his own party against the wars in Vietnam and the Persian Gulf. Hard to imagine someone crossing party lines like that today.
–
South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia says he “contemplated giving myself a second shot,” by transferring to another school, after his FIFTH suspension at the university. But his teammates convinced him to stay. Another example of the football golden rule. If you have a golden arm, you don’t have to follow the rules.
–
Apparently the AFA (American Family Association), the group that sponsored the Rick Perry’s prayer rally, is trying to lead a boycott of Home Depot for contributing to the pro-gay marriage campaign in New York. If I had a handy bone in my body this would get me shopping at Home Depot.
–
An offhand thought about the controversy with Tony Bruno’s “illegal alien” comment about San Francisco Giants’ pitcher Ramon Ramirez – How would Bruno have reacted if a San Francisco writer or media type referred to him with a derogatory slur aimed at Italian-Americans?
–
David Gergen said today on CNN.com that America needs another leader like Churchill. Maybe, but Churchill was probably both a racist and an alcoholic. He’d never make it through today’s opposition research and media gauntlets.
–
Crazy times with the stock market on a roller coaster ride and the U.S. credit rating being downgraded. Fans of consistency can at least take comfort in the knowledge that this weekend both FOX’s MLB Game of the Week and ESPN’s Sunday night Baseball both feature the Red Sox-Yankees.
I am so not a NASCAR fan – but this statement by today’s Sprint winner Brad Keselowski – who drove with a broken leg – was pure class: “I’m no hero. The heroes are the guys that died in Afghanistan this weekend. I’m glad that we could win today, but those are the heroes. I just drive racecars for a living.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Adam Scott jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
August 7, 2011
So MLB has warned players against using a spray made from deer antlers. So how will they test for it? Play “Bambi” in the clubhouse and see who starts crying uncontrollably?
Justin Verlander of the Detroit Tigers is 16-5 in 2011 with a 2.30 ERA. With the San Francisco Giants he might be 9-11.
–
Phrase I am getting REALLY REALLY tired of hearing on the SF Giants postgame show. “Fill-in-name-of-Giants-pitcher pitched a great game and didn’t deserve to lose today.”
–
Tiger Woods is 13 shots off the lead in his first tournament in months, and the current leader, Adam Scott, is using Steve Williams, the caddie Woods just fired.
If Scott wins, and even if he just comes close but way ahead of Tiger, I’d like to tip my hat to karma. For being a really impressive bitch.
–
Brett Favre quashed rumors that he is considering returning to the NFL with the Miami Dolphins, saying he doesn’t have “any interest.” Translation, he is waiting for an offer from a better team.
–
This week is the DEF CON convention in Las Vegas. It’s a 15,000-person gathering of computer hackers. Which answers the question – When do Vegas prostitutes take their vacations?
–
The Yankees’ C.C. Sabathia has six losses this year, four to Boston. So wonder when C.C will call the Red Sox his daddy?
–
Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly says he won’t pick his starting quarterback until 10 days before the season opener. Makes sense, that not only gives him time to watch the four contenders in practice, but also means his final choice will have less time to get suspended or arrested.
–
Open note to Tony Bruno: I completely understand saying something stupid because you are angry -i.e. SF Giants mgr “Bochy is a coward for having his illegal alien pitcher hit a guy”
But saying “saying I apologize for my comments regarding illegal aliens,but I stand behind my comments that Bochy is a coward, People resorting to name calling are more classless and vile.” Uh,Tony, you could have had us at “I apologize.”
–
Tiger Woods struggled again today while playing his first tournament in months. Beginning to wonder -what if illicit sex with random women WAS his performance enhancing drug?
–
–
Texas Governor (and probable presidential candidate) Rick Perry spoke at a prayer meeting and said it was to “rally the nation to a Christian unity.” Now, it’s been a while since I studied history, but wasn’t the point for those on the Mayflower to set sail for religious freedom.
–
San Francisco and Philadelphia are waiting for MLB to announce suspensions from last night’s brawl. One person involved who probably will escape suspension – Giants hitting coach Hensley Meulens. Because there hasn’t been any evidence he’s been doing anything lately anyway
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, deer antler spray jokes, PED jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 