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A not so keen grasp of the obvious?

August 20, 2010

Researchers have found that the disease that killed Lou Gehrig may not have been “Lou Gehrig’s Disease.” Responded former President George W. Bush – “See, I KNEW it was a hard question.”

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My son, Carey Schwartz, heard this line on this morning’s ESPN Sportscenter “by the way, all 3 of Jason Heyward’s walk-off hits this season have come at home.”

Really?

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Roger Clemens was indicted today on perjury charges for lying to Congress. When will they ever learn? You just cannot get away with lying on Capitol Hill – unless you’ve gotten there by being elected.

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Clemens’ lawyer has said that the fact that his client voluntarily testified before Congress without being subpoenaed is proof that he is innocent. Not necessarily, it could also be proof that Roger is stupid.

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One thing for sure, it doesn’t look like Roger is any “Rocket” scientist.

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The SF Giants’ Aaron Rowand, batting .246, got a very warm reception when he finally played in the third game of the series against the Phillies in Philadelphia. Partly because Philadelphia fans remember him fondly, but probably even more because the Phillies weren’t stupid enough to pay $12 million a year to keep him.

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Open note to these players like Adrian Peterson or Albert Haynesworth who seem to have trouble with their teams regarding showing up or being in shape for training camp: There’s a simple solution – just say you might be retiring, then show up when you please and get nothing but gratitude.

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An American Airlines flight from San Francisco to JFK was delayed by a “verbal threat.” Either that or it was all a misunderstanding. The bomb on board the caller may have been referring to was the in-flight movie “The Last Airbender.”

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Bedbugs have now apparently bitten people in two New York City movie theaters. And all over the city men are telling their significant others “Honey, you know I’d love to see ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ with you, but I just don’t want you to be hurt”

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Besides disorderly conduct and creating a nuisance, apparently prosecutors are going to charge Jersey Shore’s star “Snooki” with being “criminally annoying.” If they can get a conviction on that last one, think we can indict Brett Favre and Lebron James next?

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President Obama really missed his chance with this whole religion thing. A simple statement would have been “Of course I’ve been praying to God regularly for years. I’m a Bears fan. Remember Rex Grossman?”

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Marc Ragovin, on the fact that Prosecutors were only 1 for 24 in their chargers against Rod Blagojevich. That’s about as good as Mets hitters with men in scoring position.
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Oil and other leaks.

July 16, 2010

BP says that at this point there is no more oil flowing into the Gulf. Isn’t this like Tiger Woods telling Elin last Thanksgiving that there were no more women?

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Much of the world is hoping against hope that this latest fix attempt does indeed mean an end to the nonstop oil spill. Wouldn’t it be nice to go back to a time where the most disgusting leak of the week was taken by Ben Roethlisberger on a golf course?
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In California, Meg Whitman is spending $150 million to try to win the Governor’s race in a nearly bankrupt state. Now a team led by Joe Lacob and Peter Guber is spending $450 million to buy the Golden State Warriors, a team that won 26 games last year. Are Californians the worst shoppers in the world or what?

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Actually, the new Warriors ownership group outbid Larry Ellison. I guess at some point that Ellison figured, “well, heck, for that amount of money I could buy the governorship of California three times.
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Tiger Woods is using a new putter at the British Open, for the first time since 1999. And he has been catching some flak in the media for having been more faithful to his old putter than to his soon to be ex-wife Elin. In Tiger’s defense, however, he says he has been a lot more successful scoring with his putter.

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Now it looks like Apple execs, including Steve Jobs, knew about the antenna problem and released the iPhone 4G anyway. Note to Apple, when a large part of your brand is “We’re not Microsoft,” it’s probably a good idea not to act like Microsoft

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An 18th century ship hull has apparently been found at the World Trade Center site. The find is historically important on many levels, not least of which is that it may contain initials carved into the wood by Ensign John McCain.

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Latest potential Mel Gibson movie sequel? “What Women DON’T Want.”

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Okay, how slow a news day was Thursday on ESPN.com? This was an actual headline – “Favre remains undecided about return.” Tune in tomorrow when no doubt they will follow with the headlines saying “Yankees will spend what it takes to win,” and “Tiger declines to answer questions about his personal life.”

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At this point signing up to be Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer is like signing up to be BP’s public relations agency.

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The “They REALLY don’t get it” award for the year has to go to the Vatican for their latest decree intended to make it easier to prosecute abusive priests. The Church included a provision that made the “attempted ordination” of women a “grave offence” on a par with the sex abuse of minors.

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George Steinbrenner has only been dead for a few days, but says my friend Bill Littlejohn, “Already all of the ‘Angels in the Outfield’ have been traded.”

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Gone but not forgotten…

July 14, 2010

As my friend Andy said about George Steinbrenner, some loved him, some hated him, but no one will forget him.

And that next thunderstorm you hear…probably George and Billy Martin reuniting somewhere.

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New York pitcher Phil Hughes was the losing pitcher in the All-Star game, charged with 2 earned runs in 1/3 of an inning. In honor of George Steinbrenner, the Yankees are thinking of having him traded to the Royals.

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With the death of George Steinbrenner, many people are now crossing “Yankees” off their bumper stickers and substituting “My favorite team is whoever is playing the “Heat.”

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Actually, until Brian McCann hit that three-run two out double, the All-Star Game was looking an awful lot like a World Cup final, albeit without vuvuzelas.

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Although, sorry Bud Selig, when asked, Paul the Octopus said he couldn’t care less who won the All-Star Game.

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Oracle CEO Larry Ellison may be on the verge of acquiring the Golden State Warriors. Which if nothing else should mean that the pundits may stop referring to Oracle’s purchase of Sun as the biggest mistake they ever made.

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And while we’re on the subject of high-tech, so let’s see, Apple’s new 4G iPhone works fine, unless you’re lefthanded, or hold the phone in your left hand. And the company is kind of shrugging it off as no big deal.

How did Apple choose their latest public relations firm anyway? A referral from BP?

The phone is apparently fixable with duct tape. Right, nothing says “I am the coolest person with the coolest newest gadget on the planet” like a phone wrapped in duct tape.

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The Queen of England was given a new Blackberry from Research in Motion on her recent trip to Canada. But I don’t think it will be anytime so that Steve Jobs will be delivering a new iPhone to the White House. (Obama is lefthanded.)

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Senate candidate Carly Fiorina said when she was at HP that “there is no job that is America’s God-given right anymore.” Apparently, however, she does believe millionaires with no political experience have a God-given right to buy elections.

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Sharron Angle, Senate candidate in Nevada, said in an interview today that God is backing her candidacy. Yeah, but Senator Harry Reid soon hopes to announce the support of Paul the Octopus.

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Just wondering, if when two candidates each have God on their side, does God flip a coin or what?

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The Cleveland Cavaliers’ Zydrunas Ilgauskas has followed Lebron James to the Heat. Making sure if nothing else the team will make Scrabble fans happy.

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Great joke from my very funny friend Alex Kaseberg.

“It has been tough for Cleveland sports fans. First, the Cleveland Browns left for Baltimore; then LeBron James leaves for Miami.

And, worst of all, the Cleveland Indians won’t go anywhere.”

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After the decision…any other sporting events on this weekend?

July 10, 2010

Regarding ESPN’s “the Decision,” Lebron James may have set a record – for the most damage a public figure could do to his reputation in an hour while still keeping his pants on.

Many in the media are saying that by broadcasting “The Decision,” ESPN lost their reputation for integrity. I disagree. That reputation was gone a long time ago.

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Lebron should be a little careful with his pals in the party atmosphere of South Beach. Otherwise, following in Kobe’s footsteps, the next ring he gets may be for his wife.

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Paul the Octopus has become famous for, so far, successfully predicting the winners of World Cup matches. And he has picked Spain to win it all. While some question the octopus’s ability, to be fair it’s probably true that Paul has paid more attention to the World Cup so far than most Americans.

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Two players from the University of Tennessee were charged, and others may be facing charges, after a serious bar brawl.. And an off-duty police officer who tried to break up the fight was knocked unconscious.

Who said that by jumping to USC so quickly Lane Kiffin wouldn’t be around long enough to leave a legacy?

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She doesn’t HAVE to go on department…

Celine Dion has announced she is expecting twin boys in November. From all over the world good wishes are pouring in, many of them suggesting “take some time off from singing after the boys are born…at least until they are ready for college.”

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Eight strikeouts for Stephen Strasburg Friday night in six innings. But will there be an asterisk? He was pitching against the San Francisco Giants.

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Kudos to the Texas Rangers. Their “agreement in principle” with the New York Yankees for Cliff Lee ended up with New York making them a low-ball “take-it-or-leave-it” offer. And the Rangers basically gave the Yankees the same message Lindsay Lohan wore into court on her fingernail.
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Joe Biden finally made it to the Tonight Show. The Vice President apparently would have appeared on the show sooner, but it took a while for Leno to explain that they only had 60 minutes.

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You know, Biden has said a lot of stupid things in the last couple years. But he really hasn’t matched – “Sure, I’ll leave the Tonight show and do a five day a week 10pm slot.”

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Nevada senate candidate Sharron Angle is blasting Harry Reid over the state’s 14 percent unemployment rate. Now, Angle herself has said she believes alcohol should be illegal. Well, what harm could that do to employment in Nevada…?

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Move over Los Angeles…

July 9, 2010

So “King James” is going to Miami, where he will end up with his friends Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. After this ego-driven free-agency madness, forget hating the Lakers, the rest of America may just decide they can’t stand the Heat.

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And back in Cleveland, suffice it to say that the only King Cavs fans want to compare Lebron to is Charles 1 of England.*

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Fans in Cleveland, who once adored Lebron, have turned in a hurry. It’s not just that he left, but that he did it in such a narcissistic, over-the-top, public way. So many fans are publicly burning his old jerseys.

Guess we can call them, “Lebron fires,” or more aptly “Lebronfires from his Vanities.”

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All over America, women watched their husbands and partners riveted to the Lebron show and saying “Don’t you dare ever call ‘the Bachelor’ or ‘Bachelorette’ insipid again.

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Although in the past week, both a previous “Bachelor” couple (Jake and Vienna), and a Bachelorette couple (Jillian and Ed), have had well-publicized breakups. Just wondering, how lovey-dovey will James and Heat fans be if they don’t win a championship fast?

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Not sure when the Miami Heat come to Cleveland next season, but no doubt Cavs fans will be looking for the number of Lindsay Lohan’s manicurist.

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Everyone in Miami may not be thrilled about Lebron’s choice. For example, he just gave sports fans in the town yet more reasons in the spring not to go to Marlins games.

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And btw, Lebron, you said you were taking your talents to South Beach? American Airlines Arena, where the Heat play, is in the city of Miami proper, about a 15 minute driver from South Beach. The main sport in South Beach is partying…. Hmm, never mind.
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It was announced today that USC would be ineligible to be ranked in this year’s USA Today’s football coaches’ poll. But, the Trojans just hired coach Lane Kiffin -there wasn’t a snowball’s chance they would be ranked anyhow.

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Larry King and his seventh wife Shawn have called off divorce proceedings. It was the 76 year old talk-show host who originally filed for divorce back in April. One of two things have happened. Either the two have reconciled, or Larry forgot why he filed in the first place.

*Asterisk to above joke, Charles 1 was beheaded after being convicted of treason by Parliament.

And for those hard core history and sports types, (yeah, both of us. ) How mad at the King are Cleveland fans? Many of them want to change their name to the Cleveland Roundheads.

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All-Stars and Falling Stars

July 6, 2010

Although many in baseball thought Vladimir Guerrero was done last year, he signed with the Texas Rangers and now leads the majors with 70 RBI. But we should have known he had some good years left – the San Francisco Giants didn’t offer him a contract.

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The SF Giants have announced “Girl Scout” night at A T and T park July 15, with a necklace giveaway, and some donations from purchased tickets. After a brief pre-game ceremony, however, Girl Scouts will not be allowed on the field. Management is afraid they might beat the Giants.

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Jamarcus Russell was arrested today on drug possession charges. Hard to believe the strong-armed quarterback was once thought of as potentially the next John Elway. Instead, he’s turned out to be the next Ryan Leaf.

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Is this a sign? Codeine is legal without a prescription in Canada. The only question, is any CFL team desperate enough to take a chance on JaMarcus Russell?

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Larry Ellison might buy the woeful Golden State Warriors. Which means he finally might have found a bigger waste of money than the America’s Cup.

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The Queen of England was in Canada today and after touring the offices of “Research in Motion,” was given a free Blackberry. Apparently John McCain over the years has been offered some free blackberries, but he turned the offers down because he wasn’t sure they weren’t picked by illegal immigrants.
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Thank you Bud Selig. The All-Star game now determines home field advantage in the World Series, and the fans have selected an NL starting catcher who is hitting .229. (Yadier Molina.) Makes sense to me.
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Now that the U.S. has zero chance of winning the World Cup, American sports fans are using that as an excuse for not being interested in the last stages of the competiton. Big deal, Canadian sports fan respond, we still watch the finals of the Stanley Cup. (Note to non-hockey fans, a Canadian team hasn’t won the NHL championship since 1993)
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Men might want to stop reading now…

On the Bachelorette Monday night, former Bachelor (and Dancing with the Stars contestant) Jake and his ex-fiance Vienna, returned. It was a special interview segment to discuss their break-up after competing tabloid stories.

Personally, the more I watch these two together the more I think they absolutely deserve each other. But at least they didn’t breed.

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And the latest vampire movie, Eclipse, will apparently gross almost $200 million in its first week. Which could be great for the movie industry, less great for retail. Because it means there were no teenage girls left with free time to shop in the malls.

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World Cup hopes and other dashed dreams

June 27, 2010

For the U.S. anyway in 2010, their World Cup hopes are “Ghana with the wind.”

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Americans, who had really begun to embrace the USA team, were devastated by the loss. It was almost as heartbreaking as the Olympic gold medal hockey game….say, who won that anyway?

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Landon Donovan may be done with the World Cup, but the U.S. star has been rumored to be looking at a contract with Chelsea (one of England’s top soccer teams) after a 10 week stint he had playing this year for Everton in England’s Premier League.

And according to a U.K. tabloid, Donovan will also become a father, at least according to a pregnant British woman. So I guess Landon had no problem scoring in England.

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And if you thought “Ghana with the wind” was bad…..

A day after his epic 11 hour win at Wimbledon, a tired, badly blistered John Isner lost his next match in 75 minutes. Talk about de thrill of victory and the agony of de feet.

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The 49ers filed a claim with the city of San Francisco, asking for a rent decrease because Candlestick Park is in such bad disrepair. On behalf of Candlestick Park, the city filed a counter claim, saying the same thing could be said about the 49ers..

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Police in Southern California seized $45 million in drugs they found in the back of a tractor-trailer Friday, including 38,000 pounds of marijuana. 7 11 stores in the area immediately applied for federal bailout money.
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Despite Major League Baseball’s drug rules, over 100 players have received medical clearance to take banned substances for Attention Deficit Disorder. So almost eight percent of ballplayers have the problem? Right.

Wonder if there’s a script floating around for players trying to get clearance to take Ritalin “So what makes you think you have ADD?” “Well, doctor, you see it’s like this, Oh look, a puppy.”

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Three incoming UCLA freshman football players have been arrested for alleged felony theft. Oregon’s Heisman-caliber quarterback has been dismissed from the team. And USC is on probation. Stanford is just a scandal or two from being Rose Bowl favorites.

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For Canadian readers, a thought watching all these G20 protests actually turn a little violent in Toronto.

Good thing one thing Torontonians don’t have to worry about. What would happen if the Leafs actually won the Stanley Cup.

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Last Golfer Standing?

June 21, 2010

At Pebble Beach, Northern Ireland’s Graeme McDowell was first, France’s Gregory Havret was second, and South Africa’s Ernie Els was first. Who’d a thunk that this week Americans might have had a better week at the World Cup than our own U.S. Open?

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If they make a documentary about this year’s U.S. Open, will it be titled “Last Golfer Standing?”

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Golf may not be the world’s most exciting spectator sport. But it has some good points. And maybe this week one stands out. Two words – “NO VUVUZELAS.”

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The Florida Marlins and Tampa Rays complained mightily after a free mini-vuvuzela giveaway in Miami meant that players from both teams and umpires had to wear earplugs, and they still couldn’t have conversations on the field and in the dugout. But Marlins management apparently hadn’t anticipated any problems.

Even BP executives said, how could you not see that coming?

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A question for Texas congressman, Joe Barton, who apologized to BP. Would he have made the same apology if say, the disaster had been an out-of-control major fire started at a solar energy plant?

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Poor Dustin Johnson, the Saturday leader, shot 11 over par in the final round of the U.S. Open. That’s the worst performance by a professional athlete on Sunday in recent memory. Well, not involving JaMarcus Russell

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So football has a computer-generated yellow line on television for years, so viewers can see where a team needs to go to get a first down. How hard would it be for golf to put a yellow ring around the cup, so viewers can actually see where a player is aiming?

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You figure Kobe Bryant had to be rooting for Tiger Woods, especially after Tiger shot a 66 to move into contention. Because then at least Kobe wouldn’t be a slam dunk for the award for the biggest jerk to win a championship this week.

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Actually, maybe we should feel sorry for Tiger. What if sex for him really was a performance enhancing drug?

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After striker Nicolas Anelka’s was expelled from the team and sent home for a tantrum, the rest of the French team refused to practice Sunday. Wonder why his teammates were so upset, they are likely to be following him back to France very shortly

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Well, as long as the NBA playoffs go, at least we have reason to think they won’t extend any longer into June in future. Because then they would conflict with the busiest day of the year for NBA players – Father’s Day.

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Well, it’s not on the level of BP’s public relations disasters, but…. British Airway’s “UNITE” cabin crew has staged a series of strikes this year that have caused travel nightmares for thousands. During the most recent strike, however, union leader Tony Woodley took his own vacation with his wife to Cyprus. He flew EasyJet..

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The ageless number 50.

June 17, 2010

Jamie Moyer on Wednesday became the oldest pitcher to beat the Yankees. For that matter, Moyer had his best day against the New York lineup since early in his career when he struck out both Ruth and Gehrig.

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How long has Moyer been pitching? When he started, the Yankees’ main rivals were the Confederates.

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Moyer has said he wants to keep pitching until he is at least 50. Which will make him the first pitcher whose number equals his average pitch speed.

The soft-tossing Moyer will never be accused of using “juice.” Unless it’s prune.

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Headline after Wednesday’s World Cup matches…

The pain in Spain is mainly from the game…

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New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush says the NCAA’s punishment of USC feels like “the closest thing to death without dying.” Great sense of perspective from a guy who plays football in a city still recovering from Katrina and now threatened by the BP oil spill.

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The NFL may expand its regular season from 16 to 18 games, and cut down pre-season matchups from 4 to 2. Which would mean the same number of weeks, but few meaningless games. Well, except for fans of the Detroit Lions.

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There are advantages to living in a country that doesn’t care that much about the World Cup. Instead of going into national mourning when our team gets upset or our goalie makes a mistake, here in the USA it’s “Bummer, what time is ‘So you think you can dance?’ on?”

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Tom Izzo decided to bypass dealing with all the difficult egos of NBA players and remain at Michigan State, saying that instead of coaching superstars “at the NBA level, I’m going to coach them in the NCAA.” And what he didn’t add, in college he will only have to put up with them for one year.

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So the Pac 10 decided to add teams in hopes of increasing television ratings, which will now mean all teams can’t play each other in one year, and they ended up with… Colorado and Utah?! Even Jim Joyce is saying, “Guys, you REALLY blew that call.”
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The additional of Utah was really a last minute scramble, as since the Pac 10 already had signed up Colorado, they needed some other Division 1 level team in the vicinity of the West to even out their numbers. Guess the Seattle Seahawks turned them down too?

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The University of Texas, after some serious flirting with other conferences, and having had meaningful discussions with at least two of them, now says they are “committed long-term to the Big 12.” Isn’t that kind of like Bill Clinton saying he is committed long-term to Hillary?

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Supervisors in San Francisco voted to require that cell phone retailers post the amount of radiatiion emitted by all the phones they sell. How about a notice saying “If you use this device while driving, bicycling or walking across the street, you probably won’t live long enough for radiation to be a problem?”

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From Bill Littlejohn, Chad Ochicinco said, “”I’m dependable like birth control, 99.9 percent of the time.” I think he’d better stay away from Travis Henry.

And my followup joke. On the other hand, Ochicinco has been offered an endorsement deal with BP.

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“Look ma, no hands”

June 13, 2010

Not exactly the headline England wanted to see about their goalie.

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After watching that game-tying goal for the US today, I have a question: While I’m not a soccer expert, aren’t goalies supposed to be able to use their hands?

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Apple, whose iPhone gets great reviews from consumers except for staying connected during actual phone calls, is considering an endorsement contract with English goalkeeper Robert Green. Theme of the campaign “Sometimes, drops just happen.”

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And of course there’s the possibility for Green of being in an commercial for Allstate Insurance, representing the unnamed competition. With of course the usual tagline “You’re in good hands with Allstate.”

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Actually, watching the World Cup, you understand why it’s called “football.” And actually why the American game should be called “throwball” or “carryball.” The only kickers in American football tend to be soccer-style anyway.

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From Marc Ragovin: BP finally has a strategy for dealing with the runaway oil well. Its called the “hey, the World Cup is on TV.”

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New toast in the Mountain and Central time zones of the U.S. “May your troubles last as long as the Big 12 conference.”

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Just one thought about those plastic World Cup trumpets? Anyone have some SERIOUS mosquito repellent around?

They’re actually called “vuvuzelas” Which I think is an African term meaning “Most annoying sound ever.”

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Americans in South Africa at the World Cup are complaining about the plastic trumpets known as “vuvuzelas,” saying the noise they make is boring, annoying, and interminable. And South Africans are replying “Look who’s talking, the country who sent as their representative Joe Biden.”

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The only good thing about the tie in England, apparently President Obama and new Prime Minister David Cameron had a bet on the match. If the U.S. won, Cameron was going to send over some of England’s best beer. If England won, Obama was going to send over America’s best.

And the Brits are thinking, well, at least we don’t have to drink that crap.

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The SF Giants are pushing fans to vote for their players for the All Star game, including Aaron Rowand. With all due respect to the Giants, not only is the .223 hitting Rowand not one of the top three outfielders in the National League, he isn’t one of the top three outfielders in San Francisco.

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A lunch with Warren Buffett, which sold for $2.6 million, took the record for biggest Ebay purchase ever. Of course, this record could be usurped, if former Ebay CEO Meg Whitman is able to buy the California governorship, for her stated bid of $150 million.

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University of $ and not enough ¢

June 11, 2010

USC has long been known in the Pac 10 as the University of $’s and ¢’s But now the NCAA has decided that they’ve paid out too many of those dollars to student athletes, specifically Reggie Bush and O.J. Mayo. So the school is going on probation, will be banned from bowls for 2 years, and will forfeit 30 scholarships.

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On the bright side, with coach Lane Kiffin, the team wasn’t likely to qualify for any serious bowl anyway.

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The NCAA has warned USC that if they don’t clean up their act, the sanctions could get worse. As in they may be forced to keep Kiffin as their coach indefinitely.

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Lane Kiffin actually attracted the notice of NCAA investigators at his last job, at the University of Tennessee. So he could end with an dubious record, the first D1 coach to have two teams on major probation before he goes to a major bowl game.

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Actually USC will join Michigan as one of the most renowned programs in college football that will be on probation for 2010. Too bad, the teams could be a perfect matchup for the newest bowl at Yankee Stadium. Except they’d have to change the name from “Pinstripe Bowl” to “Jailstripe Bowl.”

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Ben Roethlisberger gave a contrite interview to a local Pittsburgh radio station, saying “”I got caught up being Big Ben the whole time. I lost track of who Ben Roethlisberger was. It’s not something I’m proud of,”

Yo, Ben, if you’re serious about getting back on track, lose the third person.

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Former (as of last week) Oregon quarterback Jeremiah Masoli has a record of getting into trouble almost as long as his stellar onfield record. He was expelled from Serra High School (and spent time in juvenile detention) for his part in a string of robberies. Then he was suspended for the year after pleading guilty to an on-campus burglary. And then he was finally kicked of the team for not only getting cited for marijuana possession, but driving with a suspended license.

Masoli may be out of changes in college football, but he’s looking good for being cast in a remake of “The Longest Yard.”

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The first domino has fallen. The University of Colorado has agreed to join the Pac 10. And sure, why not, when you think of the Pacific, you have to think of Boulder, Colorado.

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Random thought. Does any top level athlete in the world look QUITE as sulky and petulant in an interview as Kobe Bryant does after a loss?

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Apparently the Brazilian referees working the England-United States match at the World Cup have been studying English-language swear words so they can make sure players aren’t being abusive. Who says sports isn’t educational?

Or a variation on the theme from Bill Littlejohn:

“The Brazilian referee and his assistants for Saturday’s England-United States game at the World Cup are brushing up on the lexicon of English-language obscenities and gestures.This morning, they observed video of the latest arrest of Amy Winehouse”

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Coming soon, the Pac 10-Big 10 matchup everyone has wanted to see in the Rose Bowl – Texas vs. Nebraska.

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Democratic California gubernatorial nominee Jerry Brown asked for 10 televised debates with Meg Whitman. She accepted the invitation to debate him, ONCE, in October. Time and exact date to be worked out, but word has it Whitman is open to any weekday between 3 and 4am.

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Blackhawks not down

June 10, 2010

Okay for one day hockey gets top billing…

The Stanley Cup championship finally wrapped up Wednesday night. But for hockey fans going through withdrawal, it’s less than three months from the opening of the 2010-11 preseason.

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Congratulations to the Chicago Blackhawks, winners of the Stanley Cup. To all those who don’t follow hockey, the term “Original Six,” does not refer to their number of fans.

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The last time the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup was 49 years ago, and in fact they had the record for the longest drought. Said a Toronto Maple Leafs spokesman “We’ll be able to top that.”

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Apparently after an NCAA investigation, USC’s football team will not only lose scholarships, but also be punished by the NCAA by being banned from bowl games for the next two years. Which will at least give their players more time not to go to class.

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Some schools would worry that with bowl probation, a number of their stars might jump to the NFL early. Not at USC. Most players don’t want to take the pay cut.

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Oregon quarterback Jeremiah Masoli was considered a Heisman candidate. But he was suspended for the 2010 season for his involvement in a campus burglary. And today the team dismissed him permanently after Masoli was cited for marijuana possession and driving infractions. Even JaMarcus Russell says “What an idiot.”

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The 2010 MLB draft is complete. So congratulations to the players selected. And good luck to all these young men as they work their way through the minors, where someday if they work hard and succeed, they can hope someday to sign free-agent contracts with the Yankees.

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And back in California:

Voters in Santa Clara, a town about 50 miles south of San Francisco, approved a new stadium plan that could allow the 49ers to move there. SF Mayor Gavin Newsom, once a gubernatorial candidate, now the Democratic candidate for Lieutenant Governor, said that the team was “turning their backs on San Francisco.” And he added, “Hey, that’s MY job.”

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So it’s day one of the general election, and already Carly Fiorina was caught when she didn’t realize the mike was on, making a catty comment about Barbara Boxer’s hair being “so yesterday.” Yo, Carly, if good hair was a qualification for public office, we’d have elected President John Edwards.

(And since one catty comment deserves another, it’s a really good thing on several levels that Carly isn’t running against Dianne Feinstein.)

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Meg Whitman wants us to believe she would be a responsible spender in Sacramento? Included in the $100 million or so she spent to win the primary were radio ads she purchased touting her conservative credentials on San Francisco’s KFOG.

(for anyone not familar with KFOG, suffice it to say that most of the stations listeners probably think Jerry Brown is too conservative. Although they do like the fact that he once dated Linda Ronstadt.)

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Odd side note to the gubernatorial primary – Meg Whitman spent $80 per vote in the election, and at her victory party in Unversal City, it was a cash bar.

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Superman comes to Washington…

June 9, 2010

Congrats to Stephen Strasburg, who got his first win today in his first start for the Nationals against the Pittsburgh Pirates. Now it will be exciting to see how he does in his next start, against major league hitting.

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Actually, with Strasburg’s next starts projected to be in interleague games against the last-place Indians, and the sub .500 White Sox and Royals, it may be a while until he sees major league hitting.

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But how much pressure is Strasburg under? Even Barack Obama said, “You know, I really think people in Washington expect him to be a miracle worker.”

Added the President “On the other hand, if he has any ideas about oil slicks…”

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A 3-year-old girl is recovering after suffering a fractured skull when she was hit by a line drive during batting practice at Dodger Stadium.

This wouldn’t happen in San Francisco. The Giants don’t hit balls that hard.

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This from reader Gary Morton: Amid continuing rumor and speculation in about conference re-alignment with college football teams, USC is considering accepting an invitation to join the NFC West.
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There is now talk that BP may be underestimating the daily amount of oil spilling into the Gulf. What, BP being less than honest and straightforward about numbers? It’s sort of like assuming Tiger Woods hasn’t been honest with Elin about his total of mistresses.

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Sarah Palin, complaining about the President’s lack of executive experience and thus response to the BP Oil Spill, says Obama should call her. And Barack Obama is thinking, she has no idea the things I’ve wanted to call her.

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Election thoughts.

Really low turnout in California for the primary elections. Amazing how many people don’t have time to vote, but have plenty of time to bitch about the results.

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Based on election results, it looks like the 49ers may be moving to Santa Clara. Scary thought, less people may have voted to bring the new stadium to Santa Clara than will actually fit in it to see a game.

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Gavin Newsom, who started out campaigning for Governor, ending up winning the California Democrat primary for Lieutenant Governor, a office he once called a “do-nothing” position. Based on his recent tenure as mayor, many San Franciscans think the job could be a perfect fit.

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Carly Fiorina at her victory celebration in the Republican Senate primary told a story of a woman who squeezed her hand and said “I’ve never voted before but I’m voting for you today.” That was awfully sweet of Meg Whitman.

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Swooning for sports in June

June 8, 2010

The World Cup starts later this week. Here’s a suggestion to stimulate U.S. interest in the event: Publish a 32 team bracket online and in major newspapers. Along with a statement saying any potential office betting pools would be strictly illegal.

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In the meantime, the end of the NBA playoffs is in sight. You know what that means. Pre-season basketball is just around the corner.

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Carlos Silva is off to the best start by a Cubs pitcher in 43 years – 8 and 0. Overall Chicago is 26-31. What would this year be like for Cubs fans without him? Ask fans of the Baltimore Orioles.

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Not to say the Nats’ latest top prospect, Bryce Harper, is young. But Jamie Moyer could be his grandfather. (Biologically just about true actually,, Moyer is 48, Harper is 17.)

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The Nationals say they won’t rush the young Harper to the big leagues. Just as well, they’ll have to prep all the umpires first, so they don’t yell at him “punk, get off my grass.”

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Bud Selig says he is “extremely comfortable” about his decision not to reverse Jim Joyce’s blown call in Armando Galarraga’s perfect game. Of course, this is the man who said last year, “The so-called “steroid era is clearly a thing of the past”.

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And Selig also indicates that he doesn’t want to expand instant replay because he’s a “traditionalist.” Bud thinks rule changes should be reserved for important things.

Important things like allowing, for example, a hanging curve ball from a relief pitcher on a cellar-dwelling team in a meaningless game, to determine home field advantage for the World Series.

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Selig has said he’s spoken to “several” baseball people who are against expanding instant replay. Translation, the Yankees don’t like the idea.
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After over a $100 million primary, on Tuesday California Republican voters will decide which gubernatorial candidate has done the best job of positioning themselves on the far right. And then the winner will spend another $100 million trying to convince voters in the general election that they didn’t mean it.
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What’s more bizarre? That Rush Limbaugh, who openly opposes gay marriage, asked Elton John to perform at his fourth wedding? Or that Sir Elton accepted?

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A bit of gallows humor – this BP oil spill looks like it may last longer than any of Limbaugh’s marriages.

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