Posted tagged ‘Pac 10 jokes’

The ageless number 50.

June 17, 2010

Jamie Moyer on Wednesday became the oldest pitcher to beat the Yankees. For that matter, Moyer had his best day against the New York lineup since early in his career when he struck out both Ruth and Gehrig.

How long has Moyer been pitching? When he started, the Yankees’ main rivals were the Confederates.

Moyer has said he wants to keep pitching until he is at least 50. Which will make him the first pitcher whose number equals his average pitch speed.

The soft-tossing Moyer will never be accused of using “juice.” Unless it’s prune.

Headline after Wednesday’s World Cup matches…

The pain in Spain is mainly from the game…

New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush says the NCAA’s punishment of USC feels like “the closest thing to death without dying.” Great sense of perspective from a guy who plays football in a city still recovering from Katrina and now threatened by the BP oil spill.

The NFL may expand its regular season from 16 to 18 games, and cut down pre-season matchups from 4 to 2. Which would mean the same number of weeks, but few meaningless games. Well, except for fans of the Detroit Lions.

There are advantages to living in a country that doesn’t care that much about the World Cup. Instead of going into national mourning when our team gets upset or our goalie makes a mistake, here in the USA it’s “Bummer, what time is ‘So you think you can dance?’ on?”

Tom Izzo decided to bypass dealing with all the difficult egos of NBA players and remain at Michigan State, saying that instead of coaching superstars “at the NBA level, I’m going to coach them in the NCAA.” And what he didn’t add, in college he will only have to put up with them for one year.

So the Pac 10 decided to add teams in hopes of increasing television ratings, which will now mean all teams can’t play each other in one year, and they ended up with… Colorado and Utah?! Even Jim Joyce is saying, “Guys, you REALLY blew that call.”

The additional of Utah was really a last minute scramble, as since the Pac 10 already had signed up Colorado, they needed some other Division 1 level team in the vicinity of the West to even out their numbers. Guess the Seattle Seahawks turned them down too?

The University of Texas, after some serious flirting with other conferences, and having had meaningful discussions with at least two of them, now says they are “committed long-term to the Big 12.” Isn’t that kind of like Bill Clinton saying he is committed long-term to Hillary?

Supervisors in San Francisco voted to require that cell phone retailers post the amount of radiatiion emitted by all the phones they sell. How about a notice saying “If you use this device while driving, bicycling or walking across the street, you probably won’t live long enough for radiation to be a problem?”

From Bill Littlejohn, Chad Ochicinco said, “”I’m dependable like birth control, 99.9 percent of the time.” I think he’d better stay away from Travis Henry.

And my followup joke. On the other hand, Ochicinco has been offered an endorsement deal with BP.


University of $ and not enough ¢

June 11, 2010

USC has long been known in the Pac 10 as the University of $’s and ¢’s But now the NCAA has decided that they’ve paid out too many of those dollars to student athletes, specifically Reggie Bush and O.J. Mayo. So the school is going on probation, will be banned from bowls for 2 years, and will forfeit 30 scholarships.

On the bright side, with coach Lane Kiffin, the team wasn’t likely to qualify for any serious bowl anyway.

The NCAA has warned USC that if they don’t clean up their act, the sanctions could get worse. As in they may be forced to keep Kiffin as their coach indefinitely.

Lane Kiffin actually attracted the notice of NCAA investigators at his last job, at the University of Tennessee. So he could end with an dubious record, the first D1 coach to have two teams on major probation before he goes to a major bowl game.

Actually USC will join Michigan as one of the most renowned programs in college football that will be on probation for 2010. Too bad, the teams could be a perfect matchup for the newest bowl at Yankee Stadium. Except they’d have to change the name from “Pinstripe Bowl” to “Jailstripe Bowl.”

Ben Roethlisberger gave a contrite interview to a local Pittsburgh radio station, saying “”I got caught up being Big Ben the whole time. I lost track of who Ben Roethlisberger was. It’s not something I’m proud of,”

Yo, Ben, if you’re serious about getting back on track, lose the third person.

Former (as of last week) Oregon quarterback Jeremiah Masoli has a record of getting into trouble almost as long as his stellar onfield record. He was expelled from Serra High School (and spent time in juvenile detention) for his part in a string of robberies. Then he was suspended for the year after pleading guilty to an on-campus burglary. And then he was finally kicked of the team for not only getting cited for marijuana possession, but driving with a suspended license.

Masoli may be out of changes in college football, but he’s looking good for being cast in a remake of “The Longest Yard.”

The first domino has fallen. The University of Colorado has agreed to join the Pac 10. And sure, why not, when you think of the Pacific, you have to think of Boulder, Colorado.

Random thought. Does any top level athlete in the world look QUITE as sulky and petulant in an interview as Kobe Bryant does after a loss?

Apparently the Brazilian referees working the England-United States match at the World Cup have been studying English-language swear words so they can make sure players aren’t being abusive. Who says sports isn’t educational?

Or a variation on the theme from Bill Littlejohn:

“The Brazilian referee and his assistants for Saturday’s England-United States game at the World Cup are brushing up on the lexicon of English-language obscenities and gestures.This morning, they observed video of the latest arrest of Amy Winehouse”

Coming soon, the Pac 10-Big 10 matchup everyone has wanted to see in the Rose Bowl – Texas vs. Nebraska.

Democratic California gubernatorial nominee Jerry Brown asked for 10 televised debates with Meg Whitman. She accepted the invitation to debate him, ONCE, in October. Time and exact date to be worked out, but word has it Whitman is open to any weekday between 3 and 4am.