Archive for July 2017

What were the odds?

July 31, 2017

Pete Rose now accused of statutory rape over alleged relationship with 14 yr-old when he was 34. He says he thought she was 16.  #showertime

Why there is no satire: On the subject of signing Kaepernick Ravens beat writer Jeff Zrebiec reports Baltimore owner talked to Ray Lewis. #WTF?

Jets rookie Jamal Adams during a CTE discussion.”Literally, if I had a perfect place to die, I would die on the field. And that’s not a lie. So how many concussions has Adams already had?

Dodgers loading up as World Series favorites. Wonder if they’re planning the same rings as the 2001 Mariners

LA Clippers forward Danilo Gallinari punched an opponent and injured his thumb in an exhibition game in Italy. The 2017-18 NBA schedule isn’t even out yet and already the Clippers are in midseason form.

 

For 10,000 miles, United Airlines is offering Mileage Plus members a “watch party,” which the chance to watch a road game for the 49ers on the big screen at Levi’s Stadium, complete with complimentary food, beverages and of course, traffic.
So are they asking for 10,000 miles, or giving them?

“Dear Twitter – is it possible to undelete Tweets?” – Asking for a friend. Sincerely, A. Scaramucci.

Scaramucci is OUT as White House Communications Director. Wow. So congrats to those brave people who had July 31 in the pool.

Somewhere in the bushes, #SeanSpicer is giggling uncontrollably.

#Scaramucci violated number 1 White House rule – you cannot be a crazier narcissistic media whore than the boss.

“I’m just a rich boy, I need no sympathy
Because I’m easy come, easy go, little high, little low…. @scaramucci

Can anyone imagine what it would be like if we DID have WH chaos?

Well, to be fair, Trump is used to a format where the poorest contributor gets fired every week. #PresidentialApprentice

“Did nobody tell Trump that today’s #MLBTradeDeadline didn’t apply to White House positions?”

 

Getting sense if @realDonaldTrump said, “Yeah, I colluded w/ Russia AND I orchestrated coverup” many of his supporters would still back him.

Legislative director Marc Short -White House expects tax reform to move quickly in Congress this fall  – through the House in October and the Senate in November.   Standby for “who knew tax reform was so complicated?

Politico says Ivanka Trump “desperately wants to lower expectations of what she can achieve.” Mission accomplished.

Trump to a reporter today “We will handle North Korea. We are gonna be able to handle them. It will be handled. We handle everything.”
He does know “handle” and “grope” are not the same thing?

Apparently there are now weekly bible study meetings at the White House. Just guessing the Ten Commandments aren’t included.

 

So just imagine if you’ve been on 2 week vacation without internet & got back today ready for the latest craziness from Sean Spicer.

Will being insane enough to take a job in the Trump White House qualify as a pre-existing condition? #Healthcare

Shouldn’t all positions in Trump White House have “interim” title?

 

A really good blow-dry. #ThingsThatLastedLongerThanTheMooch

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Never too late?

July 30, 2017

Blue Jays trailed Angels 10-4 going to the bottom of the 9th. And Toronto won, with a 7 run come-back on an walk-off grand slam,  11-10.

At least 20,000 of 200 remaining fans at Rogers Centre will say they were there.

Buster Olney notes #SFGiants have been outhomered 117-81 in 2017. Giants fans following team regularly are shocked- they have 81 home runs?

The only people (other than A’s fans) in San Francisco Bay Area, to be happy about the Giants 2017 performance have to be connected to the SF 49ers.  #loweredexpectations

A Spirit Airlines flight leaving Las Vegas was briefly delayed over a naked passenger. Because Spirit tried to charge an entertainment fee?

 

 

Paul McCartney said his new album will have a song about Donald Trump. But didn’t Sir Paul already write “Fool on the Hill?”

Kellyanne  Conway re Russia. Not “the next Watergate. We don’t even have water polo. We don’t even have watermelon.”

Uh ,  we have water-the-f*ck?

Now a Scaramucci friend has tweeted accusations against Preibus, accusing him off having a mistress. Then Arthur Schwartz deleted them and apologized.
Remember when GOP used to claim that Bill Clinton with Monica was the worst example a White House could set for children?

Nine injured, one critically in LA when a van hit a crowd of people eating outside at a restaurant. Apparently  it was an accident..  And the driver wasn’t Muslim. Nothing to see here, move along.   Until we check that  driver’s immigrant status.

Susan Collins-  VP Mike  Pence during Obamacare repeal vote “Boy, are you tough.”  Then she added “But he softened that by putting his arm around me.”

Re that last comment – does his wife know?

 

Mike Huckabee says he would have given Scaramucci “breakfast that would have included two bars of soap followed by strong coffee for some of the language he used.”
So how many bars of soap is he telling his daughter to give her boss?

As GOP semi-moderates in Congress weigh risks of “country over party” in challenging Trump, time to think of 3 words -veto proof majority.

Trump budget director Mick Mulvaney- The President fired Priebus as he “wants a little bit more discipline.” Like when Madonna told her teenager her clothes were too skimpy? .

Midseason form?

July 30, 2017

Alabama DE Da’Shawn Hand was arrested for alleged DUI last night. The Tide open Sept. 2 against Florida State. But I’m sure Nick Saban will send a strong message by suspending Hand for the first quarter of the Sept. 9 Fresno State game.

Open note to @ESPN. I do not f*cking care what Lavar Ball thinks of anything. That is all.

Pitcher David Price, who mocked and swore at fill-in broadcaster Dennis Eckersley on the team plane last month, now says he could have handled things “probably a different way,” But then added a message to Eck – “just show your face,’ claiming he isn’t in the clubhouse much.
Well, Eckersley is at the Hall of Fame induction ceremonies this weekend.
Must make Red Sox fans long for the tranquil days of fried chicken and beer.

With two tough losses, SF Giants blew great chances  to climb within 30 games of the Dodgers. Not sure what opposite of Believen is but we’re seeing it in 2017.

Apparently plenty of expensive seats are still available for the Mayweather-McGregor fight next month. So maybe you can go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public?

 

Open note to @IvankaTrump When observing Shabbat, maybe one Friday night you could take dad’s phone with you? Asking for a tired country.

Plenty of angry tweets today from @realDonaldTrump. Suppose it’s just coincidence that rain in DC is probably keeping him off golf course.

As Trump attacks the Senate in his latest tweet storm, he does remember they vote on all his Cabinet picks, right?

Kellyanne Conway – “Loose Lips Sink Ships.” As her boss keeps the tweet tantrum going. So can we dub this Presidency “Titanic 2?”

 

Does anyone think that if @HillaryClinton had barely won she’d be spending any time obsessing about @realDonaldTrump and the election?

 

Trump on North Korea – “China could easily solve this problem!” Who knew foreign relations could be so complicated?

Fired Chief of Staff Reince Preibus said John Kelly is a “brilliant” pick. Now, guessing Preibus hasn’t read Voltaire. But wonder if he meant to say “the best of all possible picks.”

Got to love airlines. Arrive in Denver early to see a delayed United flight leaving half an hour earlier than my ticketed flight. But no chance to standby because of having a checked bag. No worries. Then land at SFO and get an email. “Your bag has arrived on an earlier flight. Please see a customer service agent.”

Mavericks.

July 28, 2017

Who knew that some serious good would ever come from Senator John McCain teaming up with a woman from Alaska?

Is there a “Bottom Player of the Week award? The Tigers’ Bruce Rondon, who was ejected for hitting a batter in the 9th with his team down 16-2, came in in the 8th inning today with the Tigers up 5-3, and promptly gave up 3 runs while getting only 1 out. Rondon’s allowed eight runs on eight hits in his last 1 1/3 innings. #Wannagetaway?

Joe Flacco apparently likes the idea of Colin Kaepernick signing with the Ravens. Because he’s pretty sure Kap won’t take his job while he’s injured?

So with no more f*cks to give, @SenJohnMcCain reminds us what it is to be a statesman. #CountryOverParty

Okay, I was wrong about McCain two days ago. Or maybe I was right and he just started listening to smart women. #Collins #Murkowski

 

So when they make the movie on John McCain’s healthcare vote will they then need a second movie featuring Murkowski and Collins? “Hidden Figures 2.”

VP Pence was in DC as potential tie-breaking Trumpcare vote.    Happy it failed.   Wonder if he might have had better luck if he didn’t have to get chaperone to be sure he doesn’t go to meals with any women senators alone?

 

Uh oh, @realDonaldTrump was up early (or maybe late) for 3am tweet storm after #SkinnyRepeal vote.   Hope this doesn’t hurt weekend golf game

If McCain does have to step down at some point maybe a fair choice to replace him would be Meghan.

Mike Huckabee calling for repeal of 17th amendment. how long until Trump calls for repeal of the 19th?

 

#ReincePriebus, whose crime seems to have been pissing off Scaramucci, is out. So congrats to all those who had July 28 in the pool.

Donald Trump has named John Kelly his new chief of staff. So who’s going be be the new DHS Secretary? Joe Arpaio?

Trump to police shielding “thugs'” heads when arresting them. “You can take your hand away.” Does this apply to future White House arrests?

New White House Chief of Staff John Kelly is another retired general. So did we have a military coup and no one told us? @TheDailyShow

“Fox and Friends”. ” Congratulations, healthy people are paying for sick people.” So life insurance is live people paying for dead people?

Chris Christie said “Beachgate” hurt his kids more “than they’ve been hurt by anything else that has happened in the eight years, and they don’t understand people’s unfairness and, quite frankly, their ignorance.”
I have NOTHING against Christie’s kids. But speaking of ignorance…how about vacationing on a beach you decided to close, and thinking people wouldn’t notice?

A pregnant Kentucky ob-gyn who was in the hospital for her own induction and delivery :apparently “overheard the nurses preparing for a woman in active labor who needed to deliver immediately because the baby was in distress.”
So she got out of bed, suited up, delivered the baby, went back to bed, and then had her own baby. Once again, four words. Weaker sex my ass.

The real skinny

July 27, 2017

Lamar Odom has written about his drug struggles & nearly dying for Players’ Tribune. Title summed-up in four words? – Don’t date a Kardashian.

After seeing the CTC study, Ravens OL & MIT doctoral student, John Urschel, 26, abruptly retired. Guess this time it is rocket science.

Forty-three years ago today House Judiciary Committee recommended  Richard Nixon be impeached. Just saying. ?

Remember those days when journalists were gleefully speculating about all the discord in Obama White House?

Those of us who are parents of adult children thought we were over the days of waking up at 3am to watch a baby crying. @realDonaldTrump

Have to wonder with the Scaramucci Priebus circus if Sean Spicer isn’t sitting on his couch watching TV and smiling.

Another example of why you read rules before accepting job; “The financial disclosure form, which is publicly available upon request…” #Scaramucci

Senate GOP will vote on a bill tonight that they are writing today. Who knew healthcare could be so uncomplicated? #WTF

 

If you’re young attractive-in-a-smarmy-way Italian-American comic struggling to make ends meet, Saturday Night Live has a job for you. #Scaramucci

McConnell reportedly trying to assure GOP in Senate “skinny repeal” will not become law. Uh, easiest way to assure that – don’t vote for it.

 

Because we all sign big money contracts every day where the terms are spelled out as “We’ll get back to you.” #WTF #FreedomBill

 

Another WTF moment. The case that the Trump is using to overturn protections for the LGBT community is an incident involving a sky diving instructor who, to make her feel more comfortable, told a woman he would be strapped to on a tandem dive that he was gay, The woman’s husband complained and got him fired. Uh, wouldn’t a jealous jerk be HAPPIER with a gay instructor?
Or was he worried the guy would turn his wife into a lesbian?

Tweet stormed

July 26, 2017

If someone is willing to put their life on line to protect this country, I don’t f*cking care what bathroom they use. That is all.

Pretty sure that if you talked to generals lot of them would say transgender people cause a lot less disruption in military than Trump.

Has Trump decided he really hates transgender people? Or is ban just collateral damage to distract from Trumpcare bill?.

 

Wonder who has more regrets about now – Caitlyn Jenner or Jeff Sessions?

 

Reading about how many millions are spent on Viagra – pretty clear we should think about restricting heterosexuals in the military.

Among senators disagreeing with Trump on transgender people is Senator Joni Ernst of Iowa. What do you expect from a liberal woman who knows nothing about the military. Oh, wait… never mind

For all the doom and gloom and retail closings See’s Candies is actually opening over 200 stores.   Because internet is powerful but nothing beats good chocolate with free samples.

Lyft and Taco Bell have deal where riders can request a fast foot stop on their ride. Pilot program starts in LA Shouldn’t it be Denver?

#Pac12 will shorten halftime at football games from 20 to 15 minutes. All part of conference grand plan to get games under 4 hours?

A woman apparently died after a “domestic dispute” on a Seattle to Alaska cruise. The Emerald Princess docked in Juneau, passengers were required to stay on board, and the ship had to cancel a Tracy Arm Flord scenic cruise. Not sure what the suspect will be charged with, but for the amount of money people pay for a July Alaska cruise guessing a poll of passengers would say death penalty for missing the fjord.

Trump wants to make healthcare industry more like..airline industry?  Think we’ve finally found magic bullet for bipartisan opposition to Trumpcare   #WTF?

 

Falcons WR Julio Jones has hired a dive team in a so far unsuccessful effort to find a $100,000 plus diamond earring he lost in a lake while jet-skiing. Uh, here’s a suggestion, next time spend a lot less money and hire someone to watch your stuff while you’re in the water. (Or leave the bling home

 

The stands at Levi’s Stadium late into the match tonight were just like a 49ers game. But with people.

Well, fans at Levi’s Stadium got to see the home team win at least once in 2017.

 

Wonder how many people cheering the US victory in the Gold Cup 2017 could actually explain what the Gold Cup is? USA USA USA!

Sean Spicer is apparently being courted by Dancing With The Stars. #DWTS. Makes sense, he had 6 months experience Dancing With The Truth.

8,000 people attended Trump’s rally last night in Ohio. 8,000?! There are more people in Cleveland’s FirstEnergy Stadium with 2 minutes left in the 4th quarter and the Browns down by 3 touchdowns.

Ivanka is the latest Trump to hire counsel over Russia probe. If you’re a GOP lawyer in DC without work you might need to consider new profession.

So #Cocacola is using the cover of outrage over healthcare & Trump’s transgender ban to reformulate #CokeZero? It’s an outrage.

Embarrassment of riches?

July 25, 2017

SF Giants got 11 runs for Madison Bumgarner tonight. In his previous 6 starts they had a total of 12.  Welcome to the 2017 season.

Tonight Madbum got his first win… and his first hit.

Apparently the Red Sox  haven’t yet been soured on SF Giants third basemen.

 

Open note to Red Sox fans.  SF Giants fans know Eduardo Nunez is good player, nice guy… but get your beer ready when he’s on the bases.

John Lackey hit 4 White Sox batters today in a game at Wrigley Field. He does know Cubs are playing SFGiants & Hunter Stickland in 2 weeks?

Lebron James has been publicly very anti-Trump, but he must be at least a little happy-Trumpcare circus is distracting us from @Cavs circus.

Phoenix backup PG Brandon Knight tore his ACL & will miss entire 2017-18 season. On brighter, note, chances go up for Suns getting #1 pick.

In Topeka, Kansas, 17 people have been displaced from their homes after a woman started trying to kill bugs by setting them on fire with her lighter. Unfortunately the fire spread to her mattress and eventually to the entire apartment. Your move, Florida.

Between her “no” vote and her “hot mic”, Susan Collins has now become Democrats and Independents’ favorite Republican.

Apparently when Trump said he would create jobs he really meant he would do it by firing most of the people he first hired.

If anyone is seriously thinking about leaving their current secure job to work for Trump they should remember two words: Jeff Sessions.

Scaramucci “You’re either going to stop leaking, or you’re going to get fired.” So when is Trump going to fire himself?

Turns out the biggest cojones in the GOP Senate belong to two women senators. @lisamurkowski @SenatorCollins

Amendment we need on Trumpcare is simply a requirement all members of Congress personally live (or die) with whatever bill they come up with.

With one vote today John McCain could have gone a long way towards forgiveness for giving us Sarah Palin.

Wonder if McCain’s doctor approved of him getting on a plane so soon after surgery? At least he has a doctor to consult.

I will believe @SenJohnMcCain today only if he holds out to vote for a bill that gives all Americans the healthcare he himself receives.

Less than 6 months after being confirmed Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is “taking a little time off.” But, you know, HIllary’s stamina.

Expected lots of nasty things would be said about AG Jeff Sessions. Did not expect they would be said by man who hired him.

Trump “time will tell” if he fires #Sessions. Translation, if I can find someone who will give up their life for 6-month gig in White House.

Ann Coulter said the immigrants who died in that trailer in San Antonio “would still be alive” if we had a wall. Because trucks can’t drive through walls?#WTF?

 

Now Trump is just taunting us – “With exception of the late, great Abe Lincoln, I can be more presidential than any Pres.that’s ever held this office” #WTF?

 

 

Btw, I was a Girl Guide in Canada.    They used to have the same oath as the Boy Scouts (Girl Guides were also founded by Baden-Powell, unlike Girl Scouts.)   Anyway,  it was changed most recently in 2010.  Just guessing Trump would not approve.

Then  “I promise, on my honour, to do my best:
To do my duty to God, the Queen, and my country,
To help other people at all times,
And to obey the Guide Law.”

Now  “I promise to do my best,
To be true to myself, my beliefs, and Canada.
I will take action for a better world
And respect the Guiding Law.”