Archive for February 2015

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page
Newer Entries »

Do you hear what I hear?

February 9, 2015

The Grammys were tonight. For many of us a chance to really feel old. As not in “I don’t like that music” but “who is that anyway”?

–

Confused though.   Were the ‪#‎GRAMMYs‬ honoring ‪#‎SamSmith‬ tonight, or ‪#‎TomPetty‬?

 

Apparently climbers in the Andes say have found the wreck of a LAN Chile plane that disappeared in April, 1961 with 34 people on board. Stay tuned for the CNN special on what this may mean about the disappearance of MH 370.

–

The NBA has fined Clippers point guard Chris Paul $25,000 for his comments about referee Lauren Holtkamp. Sounds like one commissioner at least remembers that his sport has female fans.

–

Random sidelight to this Chris Paul comments controversy, it’s worth nothing that having a female assistant coach, Becky Hammon, doesn’t seem to have hurt the Spurs too much this year. ‪#‎girlpower‬

–

The Powerball jackpot is up to $450 million. And alas in America more people probably think they’re going to win it than think they have a chance of getting sick without being vaccinated.

–

It just gets worse for Brian Williams, today, the embattled NBC anchor was alleged to have referred to the NY Knicks as a professional basketball team

 

Brian Williams has backed out of a scheduled appearance on David Letterman Thursday. Okay,  friends and readers, shall we start a “Top Ten Reasons Why?”

–

Dean Smith, 83, has passed away. He wasn’t the father of the shot clock. But he created the need for one. ‪

–

At Dean Smith’s funeral, will programs be passed slowly around the church for an hour before the ceremony starts?

–

Left-handed pitcher, Sarah Hudek, who throws in the mid 80s, just signed a letter of intent for a scholarship at Louisiana’s Bossier Parish Community College. Good luck to the young woman, and hey, she’s already 20 mph or so ahead of Barry Zito.

–

Bill Cosby had scheduled shows in Boston tonight. After the rape allegations became public, the theater originally offered upset ticket holders who called their money back, but later announced no further refunds would be given. Now with the latest storm, the shows have been cancelled. Game, set and match to Mother Nature.

 

–

NASA has released a video of the far side of the moon. Is it set to a Pink Floyd soundtrack?

 

As if we needed proof, again, that being a star athlete has nothing to do with intelligence, common sense, or even at times decency…. Chipper Jones apologized for tweeting Friday “So the FBI comes out and confirms that Sandy Hook was a hoax! Where’s the outrage? What else are we being lied to about? Waco? JFK? Pfff…”

Jones apologized yesterday, said he was “irresponsible,” but had “heard something from someone which I thought to be credible and tweeted w/out researching.” Notes to Chipper. 1. Use the internet. 2. Use your head. 3. Drop that “someone” as a source. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

And that’s the way it is. Well, kinda, sorta….

February 7, 2015

Note to Brian Williams. Forrest Gump was a fantasy movie, not a mission statement.

 

Now that ‪#‎BrianWilliams‬ has stepped down most the trusted newscaster in America might well be ‪#‎JonStewart‬

 

A serious thought about Brian Williams, as Dr. Gregory House once said, “Everybody lies.” And most parents have a version of the “walking to school three miles in the snow, uphill both ways” story for their kids. But when your entire career is based on trustworthiness, thinking he should have stepped down maybe less for the lie, than his stupidity in thinking that he was always going to get away with it.

–

Bruce Jenner was involved in a multi-vehicle accident in Southern California. And of course it would be inappropriate for anyone to make women driver jokes.

–

Browns QB Brian Hoyer said today that the NFL’s investigation of text-messages from the Cleveland front office could affect his thinking if he becomes a free agent. Well, or at least it sounds classier than saying “I don’t want to work for any team that thought it was a good idea to draft Johnny Train Wreck.”

–

A GOP congressman from Maine is being criticized by many conservatives for his vote this week against a proposal to repeal Obamacare. But Bruce Poliquin says that while he is against the ACA, he thinks a replacement plan should be ready first, and besides, the House has already voted against it many times. “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

Is this guy trying to be drummed out of the Republican party for excessive common sense?

–

Chevrolet has decided that per Tom Brady’s wishes, they will give the truck he won as Super Bowl MVP directly to Malcolm Butler instead. The only thing, instead of Brady, the rookie will now have to pay the income taxes on the $35,000 the company says the Chevy Colorado is worth. You’d think they would have at least tried to underinflate the truck’s value.

–

San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone wants to put morals clauses in Catholic school teacher contracts, whereby they could be punished or dismissed for (his quote) “escorting a woman into an abortion clinic, handing out contraception to students, or for being a member of a white supremacist group.” Right, because whatever your beliefs, those three things are SO equivalent.

–

But hey, pedophilia?  Crickets.  Everything that is not forbidden…

–

A Florida woman just gave birth to a 14 pound baby boy. FSU immediately offered the child a football scholarship.

 

Increasingly the ‪#‎Knicks‬ at Madison Square Garden are less a road game for most ‪#‎NBA‬ teams than an expense paid vacation to New York

–

 

New commissioner Rob Manfred says MLB will start awarding the All-Star games by a Super Bowl-type bidding process. And the Yankees and Dodgers are thinking, “Great, can we just doing the World Series the same way?”

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Didn’t see it coming.

February 7, 2015

After a disappointing season, the Tennessee Titans released OT Michael Oher. Hope he wasn’t blindsided by the news.

 –
Aaron Hernandez’s lawyer in his murder trial was jokingly asked a state police trooper if he had “training in football deflation devices.” Sounds like the former Patriot actually found a lawyer as dumb as he is.

 

The NFL fined 4 players from $8268 to $10,000 for their roles in the brawl at the end of the Super Bowl. Good to see the league has its priorities in order. Hitting people is almost as bad as wearing the wrong brand of clothing.

–

–

NY Yankees officials says they have now agreed to a sit-down meeting with A-Rod. Ah yes, an early sign that spring is approaching. The circus is coming to town.

–

For all those who think they might be the most insane baseball fans they know, San Francisco has finally gotten their first storm of 2015. Serious rain and wind. But some hardcore folks are already camping outside AT&T Park for tomorrow morning’s SF Giants “FanFest.”

 

Open note to Chris Paul, who has always seemed like an enlightened and decent guy, and I am sure didn’t meant to start a firestorm by criticizing one of the two NBA’s female refs: (“We try to get the ball out fast every time down the court, and when we did that, she said, ‘Uh-uh.’ I said, ‘Why, uh-uh?’ And she gave me a tech. That’s ridiculous. If that’s the case, this might not be for her.” )

It’s time for a simple statement, “I was criticizing an official because I didn’t like the calls. I thought and think they were wrong. It had NOTHING to do with her gender. I fully support the NBA’s hiring of female officials. Now let’s move on.”

 

 

 

In Northern California television news stations have put their drought stories on hold for a few days to be replaced by “Stormwatch.”

 

–

Occasional disclaimer. If you’ve found my blog because of the sports jokes,   I do jokes about both sports and politics. And I realize that half the country won’t agree with my views.  Though I like to consider myself a moderate, and try to pick on both sides, even  if I pick on one side more than others….  (more material)  In any case, if  you don’t like the political jokes, please feel free to ignore. Or comment. Even criticize n comments.. Just please keep it civil.

–

 

Former Miss. GOP state Sen Tim Johnson announced yesterday he is switching parties. “Why join the Democratic Party and run for lieutenant governor? I’ll tell you: We are all Mississippians first. Elected officials should be in the business of helping all Mississippians, not picking out who to hurt.

“The Republican Party leaders’ actions against supporting Medicaid expansion and threatening our local hospitals was the final, deciding factor for me.”

This is Mississippi, folks. Will Johnson’s campaign mascot be a flying pig?.

–

Note to GOP men: On the subject of rape, STFU.

–

Horrible indeed. After being made to watch his friends burned alive, he recanted his religion in writing. When he later felt ashamed, and publicly denied the conversion, he was himself publicly burned alive, but put his right hand, which had written the recantation, first into the flame, saying, “this hand has offended.”

Another Mideast horror story? Nope, Archbishop Thomas Cranmer. And these burnings all done by order of Queen Mary 1 of England, 1555-56

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Mistakes were made, but maybe by me?

February 5, 2015

Maybe we should cut Brian Williams some slack. After all, he still may be dealing with PTSD from his near drowning as a young man on the Titanic.

–

Anyone but me want to see ‪#‎LanceArmstrong‬ vs. ‪#‎BrianWilliams‬ in a rousing game of Liar’s Dice?

–

Putting their names to paper on signing day is a big deal for top high school football recruits. For many of them it is the only time in their college careers they will actually have to write.

–

Kyle Kendrick just signed a $5.5 million contract with the Rockies. Last year he had a 10-13 record with a 4.61 ERA with the Phillies. Well, guess Colorado figures Kendrick will perform better in a pitcher’s park?

–

Tiger Woods has withdrawn from the PGA Tour’s Farmers Insurance Open, leaving midway through the first round with a back injury. So over at ESPN, they no longer have to worry this weekend about covering golf.

–

Sarah Palin has apparently accepted an invitation to appear on “Saturday Night Live”‘s 40th anniversary special Feb 16.. Well, kudos to Sarah for being a good sport. But wonder if she or SNL are trying harder to prove they are still relevant?

–

So many critics of Obamacare worried about government involvement in healthcare resulting in serious privacy breaches.  This Anthem story is probably not what they mean when they said the private sector could do it better.

–

In Seattle, a medical marijuana dispensary has opened a vending machine. Wonder if buyer can get their Doritos from the same machine?

–

Radio Shack has filed for bankruptcy and said they will sell stores. Many Americans under 40 are thinking “What’s Radio Shack?” Still younger Americans are thinking “What’s a Radio?”

–

So court papers say Conrad Hilton Jr. did not call British Airways flight attendants “f***ing peasants.” That’s what he called the other passengers. But he did accuse the attendants of “taking the peasants’ side” and bragged that he was already banned by other airlines. Well, whatever happens in the trial I think this young man can add another airline to that list.

–

 

During a House Rules Committee argument Monday, Congressman Alcee Hastings referred to Texas as a “crazy state.” Well, Hastings should know. He’s from Florida.

 

 

 

New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred says that reinstating Pete Rose is a “conversation I’m willing to have.” This after Bud Selig had said Pete would only get back into a big-league ballpark “over my dead body.” So does this mean Selig has some terminal illness?

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

That’s my story, and I’m trying not to stick to it.

February 4, 2015

Wow. NBC News anchor Brian Williams admitted today that his 2003 story of being shot down in a military helicopter down by enemy fire in Iraq was false, but “I don’t know what screwed up in my mind that caused me to conflate one aircraft with another… I feel terrible about making this mistake.” “Conflate one aircraft with another?” I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

–

Conrad Hilton Jr, 20, appeared in court and was ordered to surrender his passport during a court appearance over a meltdown on a flight from London to LA last year which including him calling flight attendants ‘f***ing peasants.” Who knew that big sister Paris would turn out to be the class of that family.’

–

So on the highways in the greater Seattle area, will all “No passing lanes” be renamed in honor of Pete Carroll?”

–

So the Super Bowl was only a few days ago, and already we’ve had 3 current NFL players arrested. Letroy Guion, D’Qwell Jackson, and Joseph Randle. Looking good for all those who bet the “over” in Vegas.

–

Indanapolis Colts LB D’Qwell Jackson has been arrested and charged with assault for hitting a pizza deliveryman over an argument about a parking space. Isn’t it time for the NFL to welcome their new sponsor, Uber?

–

In the “cheer up, things could be worse” airline division, I give you China’s Spring Airlines, which is trying to get approval for selling  discount tickets to passengers willing to stand. No joke.

–

Yasiel Puig just said that the Los Angeles Dodgers real rivals are not the SF Giants, but the St. Louis Cardinals. That ought to make Puig even more popular when the Dodgers visit AT&T Park in April.

–

From Alex Kaseberg.  “The Chicago Cubs’ renovation of Wrigley Field has caused a huge neighborhood rat infestation. The good news? They’re Cubs rats, so they’ll be gone by October.”

–

Because of a case involving an HIV-positive man who didn’t disclose his condition to his partner, the Florida Supreme Court will now consider the definition of “sexual intercourse.” Though presumably they turned down a request to testify on the subject from Bill Clinton.

 

Anthem, the second largest health insurer in the US, said today its database has been hacked, potentially exposing personal information about 80 million customers. Anthem said that the breach exposed “names, birthdays, social security numbers, street AND email addresses, plus employment information, including income data,” But no credit card information was exposed. Well, okay, as long as the hackers didn’t get anything important. ‪#‎facepalm‬

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Liestrong

February 3, 2015

Class, nothing but class. Police in Aspen cited Lance Armstrong for failing to report an accident and speeding last month, after he allegedly hit two parked cars after a party, and got his girlfriend to say she was driving to avoid “a national story.” ‪#‎Liestrong‬

–

You have to wonder how Armstrong thought he would get away with it.  Although if this story really starts going viral, Lance may start getting bouquets, from Pete Carroll and the Seahawks.

–

Hear that Pete Carroll was supposed to throw out the first pitch at a Mariners game. But fans are asking Seattle management if Marshawn Lynch can just run the ball in instead.

–

Tom Brady says he plans to give the Chevy Colorado he won as Super Bowl MVP to Malcolm Butler. A nice gesture. Though before Butler drives the truck he might want to check the pressure in the tires.

–

From Marc Ragovin. Who hears Pete Carroll will be starring in a new movie – “The Wrongest Yard.”

–

A truck carrying frozen chicken collided with a truck carrying bees near Palm Springs Tuesday and both vehicles caught fire. Both drivers escaped, but beware of imminent sales featuring heavily discounted honey barbequed chicken.

–

Sen. Thom Tillis (R-NC), arguing against “regulatory burdens,” this week said that restaurants should be able to “opt out” of health department regulations that require employees to wash their hands after using the bathroom. Well, so much for dinner parties at HIS house

To be fair, the Senator did say they should then post a sign saying they didn’t have the rule and then the marketplace would take care of it. Okay, then, do we need a government regulation to REQUIRE such restaurants to put up a sign?

–

Rep. John Boehner: “I do believe all children ought to be vaccinated.” Some in the GOP are worried. Next thing the Speaker of the House will do is make some heretical statement about believing in science.

 

Some blame the measles outbreak on undocumented immigrants. Considering that this all started from Disneyland, and a single day at the park is $400 for a family of four before parking and food (closer to $600 if you also visit California Adventure), I’m thinking the odds of the child in question being from a wealthy anti-vaccine family are more than slightly higher.

–

Rand Paul, “I have heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines.” Does this explain some of his colleagues?

–

Charlie Manson’s marriage license with his 26 year old girlfriend has apparently expired. So guess what. psycho ladies? He’s available.

–

Browns WR Josh Gordon, who allegedly tested positive for alcohol while on probation, has been suspended for a year by the NFL. Rumor has it he was partying with Manziel. This presumably is not what Cleveland had in mind when Johnny Football said he would “wreck this league.:

–

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Johnny Manziel has checked into rehab—this just in:three local Las Vegas casino workers unions have filed for bankruptcy.”

–

Timing is everything…. A Royal Caribbean ship made headlines today for cutting a cruise short because over 200 people became sick with norovirus, which causes nausea and diarrhea. And just got this in my email from the cruise line “Last minute deals, going, going, gone…”

 

Yes, “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” But I don’t have a problem with Jordan’s revenge today. They were far more merciful than ISIS.

 

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Stupid beyond a shadow of a doubt.

February 2, 2015

No word on when Spring is coming in Seattle. Punxsutawney Phil is still cowering in his burrow with a headache. ‪

–

No doubt some Seahawks players and fans feel God let them down Sunday. But to paraphrase an old joke, if God cared at all He/She is probably saying. “Look, I gave you 2 Brady interceptions, 1 miracle catch, and three downs to win it with the best running back in the NFL, what more did you want?”

–

Seahawks offensive coordinator Darrell Bevells said they threw on 2nd and goal because “We were conscious of how much time was on the clock and we wanted to use it all.” Uh, except if the pass had been caught for a TD Seattle would have given Brady the ball back with 20 something seconds left. ‪#‎baddecisionANDbadmath‬

–

So for all those who wondered how the NFL would grab headlines after the Super Bowl, congrats to all who had “Johnny Manziel entering rehab” in the pool.

 

–

Former NFL star Warren Sapp was fired by the NFL Network after he was arrested for soliciting prostitution and two counts of misdemeanor assault after the Super Bowl. Two women who were also cited allegedly told police an argument started over money. When will they ever learn? ALWAYS pay your mistresses and your hookers. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

–

So, I’m dating myself, but can’t help thinking that that the best headline for this week’s storm would be “Linus blankets Northeast.”

 

From Marc Ragovin:   “Is Pete Carroll’s Internet alias “Clueless in Seattle?”

 

–

Sammy Fong says “See, this is what happens when you legalize marijuana in your state!”

–

A Texas elementary school suspended a 9-year-old boy for making “terroristic threats” after he told a classmate he could make him disappear with a magic ring like the one in the Hobbit movie. Silly boy. It’s Texas. If he had just threatened the classmate with a gun he’d have gotten off with a warning.

–

–

You can get odds on Tiger Woods winning this week’s Farmers Insurance Open at 50-1 in Las Vegas. And it’s still probably a bad bet.

–

The Baltimore Ravens released DT Terrence Cody today after he was indicted on 15 charges, including two felony counts of aggravated animal cruelty, after his dog died. (The charges also included illegally owning an alligator.) Not sure exactly what happened, but with the league’s heightened awareness after Michael Vick, seems like anyone risking these charges with animals should be cut for stupidity if nothing else.

–

A 3-year-old boy shot his both his father and pregnant mother in an Albuquerque, NM hotel room this weekend. His parents will survive, his mother is still in the hospital. If only the fetus had been armed..

–

Way too young, former MLB player Dave Bergman has passed away at 61. Hope someone is warning players in heaven’s softball league about that hidden ball trick.

–

Chris Christie today was asked about the measles outbreak, and said, while he and his wife vaccinated their kids, “I also understand that parents need to have some measure of choice in things as well. So that’s the balance that the government has to decide.” Yep, the NJ govenor is not only running for President, he’s jockeying hard for the “stupid” vote.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Comments: 8 Comments

Super gift?

February 1, 2015

What a waste of Immaculate Reception 2.

 

God to the ‪#‎Seahawks‬. Don’t blame me. Even I ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎SuperBowl‬

–

Who needs inflated balls when you have Pete Carroll’s inflated ego? ‪#‎Worst2ndandgoalcallever‬ ‪#‎SuperBowl‬

–

Russell Wilson said after the NFC Championship that God caused him to throw four interceptions. Did God tell him to suck in most of the first half of the Super Bowl too?

 

Robert Kraft thanking almost everyone for the Patriots ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ win, but he forgets to thank Pete Carroll for that goal line passing call.

–

Of course,  just imagine how far out front ‪#‎Patriots‬ would have won by if they were in charge of their own balls? ‪#‎SuperBowl‬

–

Seahawks DE Cliff Avril left Super Bowl after hit on the head and due to concussion protocol will not be able to address the media after the game. Next year, Marshawn Lynch is trying to figure out how often he can claim last second concussions.

–

How much did ‪#‎KatyPerry‬ pay ‪#‎HotDogonastick‬ to borrow one of their uniforms for her ‪#‎SuperBowlHalftimeShow‬? –

 

But really, “I kissed a girl and I liked it” from ‪#‎katyperry‬ during the ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ ‪#‎HalftimeShow‬? . No doubt ‪#‎FoxNews‬ is already blaming Obama.

–

Just as well folks who paid over $10,000-20,000 for Super Bowl tickets can’t see the commercials. They can no longer afford the cars.

–

Hard to believe that after tonight we’ll be done with Super Bowl hype. The NFL draft hype starts in Monday morning.

.

Stanford fans have to thank Pete Carroll for flashbacks of watching a coach lose a game by not using his best player: Jim Harbaugh throwing repeatedly instead of running Gerhart late in Big Game against Cal, David Shaw not letting Andrew Luck throw for a game winning TD in the Fiesta Bowl….. ‪#‎inflatedegos‬

–

 

 

So to put the end of the Super Bowl in context for baseball fans. Pete Carroll not giving the ball to Marshawn Lynch with 2nd and goal at the one and the game on the line was roughly analogous to Matt Williams pulling Jordan Zimmerman one out away from a complete game NLDS game 2 win. IMHO.

–

 

–

Meanwhile  Mike Huckabee said that changing stance against gay marriage would be like ‘asking someone who’s Jewish to start serving bacon-wrapped shrimp in their deli.”   Right, pork and shrimp together….. Apparently Huckabee has never been in a Chinese restaurant on Christmas.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Comments: 10 Comments

Newer Entries »