Archive for June 2014

For whom the polls toll?

June 11, 2014

 

All you need to know about today’s Republican party. Eric Cantor just got knocked out in the GOP primary for being too moderate.

 

Eric Cantor’s team showed him with a 34 point lead over David Brat in late May. Yet another reason for the GOP to discount commie-pinko things like numbers

 

 

75.8% shooting in the first half by #Spurs. I was watching an #NBAFinals game and an #NBA All Star game broke out

 

 

If someone who was watching their first NBA game tonight was told in advance that it would be an aging team of veterans against a younger team of super stars, assume they would have figured the kids were the Spurs?

 

Proof that the World Cup isn’t that big a deal in the U.S.: Brazil’s time zone is only an hour ahead of Eastern Daylight time. But matches will be shown in real time, not tape-delayed and “plausibly live.”

John Calipari turned down an $80 million, 10 year contract to coach the Cleveland Cavaliers. Meaning that the NCAA is at least a year from putting sanctions on Kentucky.

TCU (Texas Christian University) beat Pepperdine (a California Christian University) 6-5 yesterday to advance to the College World Series. So did God flip a coin to decide whose prayers to answer?

The Rays have had three straight shut-out losses. Is Tampa Bay trying to be the official MLB team of the World Cup?

Colts owner Robert Irsay, awaiting a hearing on his DUI arrest, gave an interview to the Indianapolis Star saying how addiction is a disease, but people don’t get help because of the stigma. Perhaps in his case, but how many people also don’t get help because of the cost of treatment and rehab?

 

If the four Americans killed in Benghazi had been on leave in Washington, D.C. and were fatally shot by some crazy guy with a handgun, the GOP would have forgotten about them. #sadbuttrue

 

I’m the least PC liberal I know, but George Will, really?? Talking about “sexual assault” only in quotations and saying that colleges are making “victimhood a coveted status that confers privileges.” Really? Makes Limbaugh’s “slut” comment about a woman using birth control almost seem quaint.

“America Rising,” a Republican opposition research group, attacked Hillary Clinton for being “someone who is extremely out of touch with the financial reality facing Americans,” because the two homes the Clintons purchased in Chappaqua,and D.C. cost around $4.5 million combined. The best part about this, “America Rising” was started by the former campaign manager for Mitt Romney.

United Airlines announcement today  “We’re changing the MileagePlus® program to reward our members for their travel spending with United®. And we’re adding new ways to use your award miles, to make the frequent flyer program with the best award availability* even better. Translation, “Most of you are getting screwed.”

Wanna get away?

June 9, 2014

southwest

 

Hey, we all were student drivers once.

 

(But Southwest pilot happy hours have been cancelled until further notice.)

The CIA, besides being on Twitter, now has a Facebook account. So my fellow Americans, our privacy is safe. Our spies will be spending most of their days looking at cats.

 

Dwyane Wade was fined $5,000 for his Game 2 flop that resulted in a foul against Manu Ginobili, who didn’t touch him. Let’s see, $5,000 when you win a 2 point game…? Guessing the Heat will tell Wade to keep that move in his playbook.

This season the Jacksonville Jaguars have replaced 9,500 seats with a party deck with two pools and 16 cabanas, which can be rented for $12,500 a game including food and drink for 50 people. Which might be worth it for fans to have something to do other than having to watch the Jags on the field.

Barbara Walters is coming out of retirement to interview the father of the young man who killed six people at UCSB last month. “Atta girl,” said Brett Favre.

So would someone like to ask #CaliforniaChrome owner #SteveCoburn what he thinks of baseball’s DH?

The GOP in Texas ratified a platform endorsing so-called “reparative therapy,” psychological treatments that try to turn gays straight. Too bad there isn’t a reparative therapy for stupid.

Oakland mayor Jean Quan was involved in a traffic accident this weekend, and said at first just that “another vehicle struck my left-rear tire. I immediately pulled over and checked to make sure no one was hurt” Now she said she’s “unsure” if she ran a red light.But I was “not on my phone.” With this much equivocation is Quan trying to show she is ready for higher office?

Congressman Jeff Miller, denying that people have had anything to do with climate change: “Then why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Were there men that were causing — were there cars running around at that point, that were causing global warming? No. The climate has changed since earth was created.” Back on your game, Florida.

A public service announcement from my friend Julia Park Tracey. For future reference: If your white supremacy neighbors brag about “doing another Columbine,” maybe you ought to report that. #helpfulhints

So how did this #LAKings team ever get down 3-0 to the #SJSharks? #StanleyCup

 

Lebron James said that to clear his head between games 1 and 2 of the NBA finals, he went to see the movie “Malificent.” Wonder if he identifies with the title character?

 

Today, Donald Sterling says he will “fight to protect my rights,” withdraw his support for the sale of the Clippers, and again pursue a $1 billion lawsuit against the NBA. Well, this ought to do wonders for those who say Sterling is no longer capable of decision making.

Excuses, excuses…

June 9, 2014

Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll just told the L.A. Times he wouldn’t have left USC in 2010 if he knew the NCAA was going to sanction the Trojans. I think I liked “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

There is now a drive to legalize marijuana in…. Jamaica?!! Does this even need a punchline?

California Chrome owner Steve Coburn’s rant after the #BelmontStakes may have cost him and the colt some endorsement. But maybe they’re still in line for a deal with California wine.

Don’t get me wrong, Steve Coburn was a poor sport yesterday. But as the NY Times points out, the last NINE Belmont winners have skipped the Preakness. ‪#‎TripleCrown‬

(T.C wonders,  “So if Maria Sharapova wins the French Open and doesn’t have to play against the Williams sisters or Li Na; she’s a coward, right? ”

 

It’s approaching mid-June, and as most experts predicted, the Los Angeles Dodgers and NY Yankees have very similar records. (Okay, so maybe they didn’t predict those records would be basically .500.)

Even FIFA is impressed with the flopping levels in the #NBAFinals.

So next year, how many #NBA teams will choose their home games against the #Heat to give free fans to fans and turn off the a/c?

On a sweltering day in Paris, Rafael Nadal won his 9th French Open. Imagine what he could do if Roland Garros had air conditioning.

A Northern California high school basketball player is in jail on suspicion of using stolen credit cards to pay $13,000 to rent a McLaren car and $27,000 to rent a vacation home. Guess he wasn’t good enough to get those perks playing college basketball?

Former “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” contestant Emily Maynard, who was engaged twice on the show, has just gotten married. And she told People magazine in an “exclusive”. “For so long I felt so embarrassed and ashamed about that TV stuff The grace that my faith has given me to wipe that all away and not find worth in that and find it through God.” Guess “magazine stuff” is different from “TV stuff.”

 

Two police officers in Las Vegas, plus another bystander, were shot and killed today, And then the suspects killed themselves. Once again, wishing these folks with murder-suicide plans could take take care of the second part first.

Do wish Fox News and the GOP would grieve as much for all those lives that have been lost in the Iraq war, as they do for those four Americans lost in in Benghazi and however many soldiers were lost looking for Bowe Bergdahl.

 

 

Close but no Chrome

June 8, 2014

secretariat

Once again, a picture though to remind us  of maybe the greatest athlete ever. And a win that will never be equaled.

 

Saturday might have been the only time New Yorkers have been sorry to see a Californian lose.

The stars looked like they might have been aligning for California Chrome for a Triple Crown. Another miraculous event occurred Saturday – the Cubs were on a five-game winning streak.

Carolina Panthers Coach Ron Rivera says he voted against his QB Cam Newton for the cover of ‘Madden 15’ because of the curse. So somewhere in a closet is there a dusty copy of “Madden 1909” featuring the Cubs?

North Korea says they have detained a U.S. tourist. Wonder what the alleged crime is? Being stupid enough to be a U.S. Tourist in Korea?

 

Hertz says they have to review and correct financial statements from the past three years after an internal audit found accounting errors. “I’m shocked.” said no one who regularly reviews their own car rental bills.

 

 

Sacramento guard Jason Terry said today he thought Spurs coach Gregg Popovich had something to do with the broken air conditioning during San Antonio’s Game 1 win. Of course, because everyone knows that it’s being overheated that helps age and treachery overcome youth and skill

Bartolo Colon, 41 against Tim Hudson, 38.. A battle for the aged. #SFGiants #Mets

Two words guaranteed to strike fear in the hearts of New Yorkers: “Mets Bullpen.”

You know it’s going well when you win a game where tying run in the bottom of the 9th gets on base via a strikeout. #SFGiants #walkoff

Best thing for #NYMets fans Saturday night. The #SFGiants game ended past their bedtimes.

 

 

Continuing Heat wave?

June 6, 2014

San Antonio says they have fixed the air conditioning after a sweltering game 1 at A T & T Center. Considering the result, have they fixed it at a constant 90 degrees? #Spurs

 

Lebron James says “I know I’m the easiest target that we have in sports, I’m aware of it.” And A-Rod responded “Who am I, chopped liver?”

 

Bud Selig twice referred yesterday to the of the 20014 MLB Draft. 20014? Maybe the commissioner was confused. That’s when his Blue Ribbon Committee will make a decision on the proposed move of the Oakland As..

Rashad McCants, who as a junior was a member of UNC’s championship men’s basketball team, says that tutors wrote his papers and he took ‘bogus” classes to stay eligible during his three years at the university. Gosh,at least Calipari’s “one-and-dones’ only fake their way through one semester.

J.Lo and Casper Smart have split up. Wonder if she left him for a younger man?

John McCain is loudly criticizing President Obama’s deal to release Bowe Bergdahl. Which is particularly interesting considering that Senator McCain himself was part of a POW swap by Richard Nixon. #memoryisthefirstthingtogo

 

Friday was the 70th anniversary of #DDay, the invasion of Normandy. For many college football players not to be confused with days when they found they barely avoided “F”s in class.

 

An analyst says the New York Knicks could now be worth $3 billion. Could you imagine how much the team might be worth if they could actually make the playoffs?

 

A Ghana witch doctor says he put a spell on Portugal star Cristiano Ronaldo and caused his thigh injury. Yeah, well if the witch doctor is really good let’s see if he can get Ghana out of the World Cup first round…..

 

 

The first tweet from @CIA -“We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our first tweet.” Waiting for some GOP House member to call this a time wasting exercise and blame it on Obama.

 

A San Antonio area school district is upsetting some parents by banning children from bringing sunscreen to school or on field trips. Sunscreen is considered a toxic substance. Wonder if it’s okay if kids bring something harmless instead, like guns.

(My friend Jeff Klein adds “Tan your Ground.”)

 

Richard Sherman beat out Cam Newton in online voting at ESPN.com and so will be on the cover of the new “Madden NFL 15” video game. Which could be good news, for Panthers and 49ers fans.

A Seattle Pacific University student monitor who pepper-sprayed the gunman and tackled him is being hailed as a hero. Out of habit the NRA responded, “if only he had been armed.”

Regarding this Super Bowl Arabic-Roman numbering issue, Marty says he’s looking forward to  “World Series CVIII.”

The Heat is really on

June 5, 2014

The air conditioning broke down at A T & T Center during game 1 of the NBA Finals between the San Antonio and Miami, resulting in temperatures inside the arena topping 90 degrees. And over in New Orleans they’re thinking. “Hah, all we had was a little Super Bowl temporary power blackout.”

So isn’t it supposed to be the old folks who can’t handle the heat? #MIAvsSA #Spurs #Heat.

Who knew the Heat couldn’t handle the Heat?

So the Seattle Pacific University gunman was apparently subdued by pepper-spraying students as he stopped to reload. So the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a non-automatic gun and good guys with pepper spray?

South Carolina police are investigating how a loaded gun wound up among children’s toys at a Myrtle Beach Target store. Guns in the toy department are only supposed to be found at Walmart.

A Crowne Plaza in Mexico City is advertising a room as “2 DBL BEDS WITH JACUZZI TUB. VACATION WITH YOUR SWEETIE IN THIS COZY JUNIOR SUITE.” Uh, two double beds? Reminds me of the Cialis ad with two tubs.

The #HoustonAstros once again had today’s first draft pick. They’re now the #ClevelandCavaliers of MLB.

Go figure. Hockey-mad Canada has the best team in the AL East, and baseball-mad New York has the best NHL team in the East. Wonder how many Torontonians can name three Blue Jays and how many New Yorkers can name three Rangers.

A court has suspended Jim Irsay’s driver’s license for one year following his DUI arrest. Guess Roger Goodell will bring the hammer down and punish the Indianapolis Colts’ owner as severely as a player who does something really egregious, like wearing unauthorized socks.

Understated corporate comment of the month. “You have successfully reset your password. eBay is not requesting that you take any further action at this time. If you would like to call us, please know our colleagues are especially busy right now assisting other customers and we apologize in advance for making you wait.”

While I know as a Giants fans that the Dodgers could go on a tear any minute, Don Mattingly just said that L.A. “hasn’t felt like a true team at this point.” Gosh, wonder what the rea$on$ for that could be?

Hillary Clinton in March criticized Vladimir Putin “a tough guy with a thin skin.” Putin’s reply in an interview aired yesterday: “It’s better not to argue with a woman. But Ms. Clinton has never been too graceful in her statements.” Well, at least he proved the second part of her statement.

Sarah Palin is bashing Obama for releasing prisoners to free a soldier with “Anti-American views.” So I guess in future our armed forces members should fill out a political questionnaire before going to war so we can decide if they are worth saving?

Bowe Bergdahl may be a young man with some serious issues, but what would Sarah Palin and other GOP politicians be saying if he were one of THEIR sons?

A new Houston spa, called “Float Baby,” offers babies (with moms nearby) a 1 hour water floatation and infant massage for $65. This is why other countries hate us.

From T.C.  “Following Super Bowl XLIX, the following year will be marketed as Super Bowl 50, using standard numerals. Why did it take them XVIII weeks to come up with this change?   Btw, The NFL has announced that Super Bowl 50 will be played in the year MMXVI.”

Time passages.

June 4, 2014

As of yesterday Donald Sterling is being sued by another ex-employee who claims she was his mistress. The woman is represented by Gloria Allred.   So congrats to all those who had June 3 in the pool.

Almost as soon as the polls closed in the California primary, the media could report that Governor Jerry Brown looks like a runaway winner this November. It’s a far cry from Brown’s first election, when the results had to come in by telegraph

After 90 years, WGN radio has decided not to carry the Chicago Cubs anymore. So have they decided to go with programming that’s more likely to have a happy ending, like opera?

Who says Sarah Palin and Democrats never agree on anything? Apparently last week at the Republican Leadership Conference, Palin suggested that “Duck Dynasty” patriarch Phil Robertson should run for president.

The NFL is ditching Roman numerals for their Super Bowl in Santa Clara, and instead of “L” will go with the Arabic number 50. Clearly this is Obama’s fault.

When the totals are in, perhaps 300,000 Californians will have voted for Leland Yee for secretary of state. Now, not only has Yee been indicted on money laundering and weapons charges, he dropped out of the race over two months ago. Maybe this really does prove, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

“Breathe Right” nasal strips will co-sponsor Saturday’s Belmont Stakes, and hand out at least 50,000 of its nasal strips to fans at the race. If California Chrome wins will the NFL and MLB add the strips to their lists of banned performance enhancers?

Donald Sterling on the $2 billion sale of the Clippers, “I feel fabulous, I feel very good.” Wonder how many other professional team owners are wondering how they can get taped making bigoted remarks and get a similar price.

#SFGiants get game-winning home run from a guy in starting lineup hitting .048 #JuanPerez. So who’s #Bochy betting on for #BelmontStakes?

 

A 20 year veteran of the San Jose, CA police force was arrested after managers of a Public Storage started clearing out his storage space because of overdue rental payments and found perhaps 20 pounds of marijuana. Title this “Dude, when was my rent due?”

So I think I understand. According to Republicans, President Obama was wrong before in not doing “everything possible” to secure POW’s Bowe Bergdahl’s release, and he is wrong now for actually doing it. Well, at least they’re consistent.

Well, of course it makes sense that the GOP is angry Congress wasn’t consulted about the hostage deal. Because Reagan always made sure Congress knew about all the hostage deals he made… Oops. Never mind.

So I think I understand. According to Republicans, President Obama was wrong before in not doing “everything possible” to secure POW’s Bergdahl’s release, and he is wrong now for actually doing it. Well, at least they’re consistent.

(My friend Linda points out that Oliver North said it was OK that Reagan negotiated with the Iranians because he never admitted it. …)

 

Don ZImmer has passed away at the age of 83. Guessing they won’t let Pedro Martinez anywhere near his coffin.

From Marc Ragovin  “For all those who beliieve that Bowe Bergdahl is being overly glorified after willingly abandoning his unit , bear in mind that he is now entitled to medical care through the VA system.

Upon  being told that he is now eligible for medical care through tthe VA system, Bowe Bergdahl immediately requested to be sent back. “

Decision time

June 3, 2014

Today was Primary voting day in California.  Where a relatively small minority of registered made decison that all Californians need to live with. #voteordontbitch –

 

You know you’re getting out of the “cool” generation when you see a sign in a foreign city advertising “Arctic Monkeys” and your first thought is “oh, a zoo”

Apparently the Cleveland Indians are charging $3.50 for a cup of ice water at Progressive Field. The general reaction – “That’s appalling.” The Yankees’ reaction -“Why didn’t we think of that?”

 

– Buffalo Bills DT Marcell Dareus was arrested for the second time in a month, (the first for alleged drug possession), after he was involved in a car accident stemming from an apparent drag race. At one point does the NFL start instituting suspensions for pure stupidity?

#DanMarino withdrewg his name from a lawsuit against the NFL over concussions. Wonder how many potential rea$on$ the #NFLNetwork gave him?

 

Jack Phillips, a Colorado bakery owner, who says he is a devout Christian, says he will no longer make ANY wedding cakes after his state’s Civil Rights Commission ordered him to start baking for same-sex couple, saying “We would close down the bakery before we would complicate our beliefs,”

Well I hope before this gay marriage issue came up that Phillips was only making wedding cakes for couples who weren’t having premarital sex and hadn’t been divorced. –

 

V. Stiviano apparently told police she was assaulted after an exchange of words at a New York hotel, but has not yet filed a complaint and the security video of the incident has not been released. Isn’t Stiviano a few hours past her 15 minutes?

– Stanford’s relatively low-ranked baseball team upset top-seed Indiana with a two-run walk-off home run in the Regionals for the College World Series. After allowing an unearned-run  to fall behind. Maybe this “Torture” stuff in the SF Bay Area is catching.

 

The NY Mets apparently managed to eat 103 cheesesteaks on their last visit to Philadelphia, a new record for visiting teams. Finally a chance to play “We are the Champions” in the Mets clubhouse. –

 

 

If the MLB season ended today, the division champions would be San Francisco, Atlanta, Milwaukee,Toronto, Detroit and Oakland. Meaning the reaction for television executives would be “Thank God for the Wild Cards.”

 

Regarding the President’s hostage deal, it must kill some Republicans to think of Obama as Reaganesque –

 

Shoe company Skechers has signed a sponsorship deal with California Chrome. Well, the horse may not have all the qualities of say, an NBA star, but he is likely to have plenty of out-of-wedlock offspring. –

 

NASCAR driver Joey Logano says he feels “my sport’s a lot safer” than the NFL. Well, not only may Logano be right in term of life or death,, retired NASCAR drivers are a lot likelier to be able to remember being athletes.

Madison Bumgarner was the NL pitcher of the month for May with a 2.08 ERA. You know this year’s SF Giants team is different than recent squads. Because the response upon hearing that ERA would have been “Did he win any games?”

 

Tweet from Stanford football coach David Shaw. “Facts>Hype Back2Back Pac12 Champs & 100% grad, 4 straight BCS, most 2014 NFL Draft picks in Pac12, most wins vs FBS since 2010. #gostanford” And in the SEC they are thinking “Coach can tweet?”

Lawyers in action? On the back of a Philosophy disposable one-step cleansing cloth (basically a facial wipe) “for external use only.” At least he’s consistent.

Yasiel Puig celebrated his one-year anniversary of joining the LA Dodgers by being late to batting practice. –

Rolling in the deep.

June 2, 2014

Jacques Cousteau’s grandson is going underwater for 31 days starting next week. It will be a record for the longest time anyone has spent down in the depths. Well, other than the Chicago Cubs.

A $40 million settlement has been reached for college athletes with NCAA branded video-games. So basketball and football players will receive from between $48 to $951 per year for each year they were on rosters. And presumably the lawyers receive $20 million.

RIP Ann B. Davis, Alice on the Brady Bunch, who passed away at the age of 88. And this probably has a bigger emotional effect on many late baby-boomers than the death of Maya Angelou.

For Americans confused and unsure about the negotiations that led to Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl’s release, the GOP has simplified things: “Obama did it, it was wrong.”

Joe Biden gave the commencement address at the University of Delaware. The speech presumably took place on Saturday and Sunday.

 

Juan Carlos I of Spain will abdicate and hand the crown to his son. And in England the British are telling Queen Elizabeth II “don’t even think of it.”

 

Some in the GOP are demanding hearings into Bowe Bergdahl’s release. Exactly. How dare he not stay in Afghan custody until a Republican is President.

From Bill Littlejohn  “MLB and Joe Torre have warned Dodger pitchers to pick up their pace, as their games are getting too long. They first became aware when arriving fans at Dodger Stadium started getting there in the first inning instead of the usual third”

 

The NRA said last Friday that Open Carry Texas has gone too far in bringing their guns to restaurants: “‘A small number (of Texans) have recently crossed the line from enthusiasm to downright foolishness.”‘ Wow. The NRA believes there IS a line to cross?

 

 

From T.C. Re: Sofia  Vergara and her fiance have split up. And millions of men around the world are thinking “There’s hope!”  And Marc Ragovin’s “The Mets have fired their hitting coach, Dave Hudgens. We had a hitting coach? asked every member of the team.

TC wants to hire a hitting coach for tips on hitting on Sofiia Vergara.

Sometimes baseball is hell too, but.

June 1, 2014

David Price in response to David Ortiz. “We are not soldiers. This is not war.”. This is what comes of having college educated players in baseball.David Price in response to David Ortiz. ” You’re not a soldier. This is not war. We have troops fighting for us that are in a war. It’s not a good comparison.” This is what comes of having college educated players in baseball.

Now that #Google has #driverlesscars how long until environmentalists push for driverless bikes?

Proving that US companies do not have a monopoly on cluelessness, the British supermarket chain Asda is selling a “wearable English flag” for the World Cup. It’s white with a red flag and a white hood. #oops. #notokkk

So after about 100 NBA games, we are back to- the same teams we had in last year’s NBA finals. The aging San Antonio Spurs are trying to avoid another heartbreaking loss, but fortunately of them probably can’t remember it.

But hey, today is June 1. Which means only about a month left in the NBA season.

There are now “Bring it home, Chrome” shirts and decals etc that fans can buy for California Chrome in the Belmont. Yep, for this week, many Americans care about horse racing. About as long as they will care about the World Cup. #Triplecrown.

Did someone not tell the 2014 #SFGiants they are supposed to be offensively challenged?

(Forget a long-term contract with Pablo Sandoval. Maybe the Giants need to renegotiate with their hitting coach?   Or bring that guy named Bonds around EVERY spring training)

Donald Sterling was deemed to be suffering from dementia because he showed “an inability to conduct business affairs in a reasonable and normal manner.” So does that mean dementia has affected most CEO’s in the airline industry?

Valeant Pharmaceuticals keeps sweetening their offer for Botox maker Allergan, Inc, up to about $54.1 billion. Not sure how Allergan executives feel, for some reason they all have poker faces.

Ted Cruz won the GOP straw poll for President at the Republican Leadership Conference. Which is great news, for Hillary Clinton.

Herman Cain, at the Republican Leadership Conference, arguing against the idea that the GOP doesn’t reach out to minorities. “What am I, chopped liver?” he exclaimed. Cain then brushed aside people who ran up to him with sliced bread and crackers.

 

The ‪#‎SFGiants‬ would like to thank the ‪#‎AtlantaBraves‬ for not offering free agent ‪#‎TimHudson‬ a contract after last season.

 

From Gary Bachman,  ” A sinkhole opened up at a Florida Shopping Center. Talk about ‘shop until you drop ‘.”