You can’t make this stuff up, Christmas night version

Posted December 25, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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The following is an actual quote from Stanford football coach Jim Harbaugh.

“It struck me that here was a man who literally took his team on his back this year and a program and a university. Leading them back to their rightful place, a legendary place in college football.

It was biblical to me; Toby Gerhart was John the Baptist, out into the wilderness making things straight and being called back into the wilderness to bring Stanford football back.”

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Some might think Harbaugh’s comments were sacrilegious. Florida fans are just glad he didn’t really over-reach and compare Gerhart to Tim Tebow.

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Angelina Jolie gave an interview in which she said ” “I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship. “Why couldn’t I have married a nice girl like that?” said Tiger Woods.

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In the Emerald Bowl, USC’s rookie quarterback Matt Barkley, 19, will face Boston College’s rookie quarterback Dave Shinskie, 25. Known by his teammates as “Uncle Dave,” Shinskie spent six years in minor league baseball.

This might be the biggest age gap between quarterbacks since any Vikings game this year.

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Los Angeles Lakers fans, frustrated by their team’s play on Christmas night, littered the Staples Center court with giveaway foam fingers. As opposed to Golden State Warriors fans, who have been giving their team the finger all year.

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Christmas gifts and other thoughts…

Posted December 25, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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After the Tiger Woods story, wonder how long it will take someone to come up with a phone that allows you to text with the electronic equivalent of invisible ink?

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For parents whose kids get Zhu Zhu pet hamsters that end up breaking before New Years, here’s one positive thought. At least you won’t have to bury them in the back yard. Maybe.

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A little pre-flight tension for Santa Claus this year. TSA demanded first and last legal names for all his reindeer. And as for anyone who asked for perfume, bubble bath or anything like a snow globe, you may be out of luck. Nobody warned Santa about that carryon liquid ban.

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USAToday.com lists the most popular stories of the day. Number one for December 24 – “Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins split”. Number four, “Senate passes healthcare bill.”

Does this really need a punchline?

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The Pope was apparently knocked down by a woman who jumped the barrier at St Peter’s during the start of Midnight Mass. His Holiness was unhurt. And all I can think of is the old joke about the Italian woman who listened to a Papal speech about chastity and birth control… and approached him afterwards with the comment “Hey, no play-a the game, no make-a the rules.”

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Sad news from Washington that legendary George Michael has passed away on Christmas Eve. At least he won’t have to watch any more of the Redskins’ season.

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So rollcall for the healthcare bill at 700a Thursday morning, necessitating pre-dawn wakeup calls for all Senators. It was the first time that many of them had been up at such an early hour… unless they were sneaking home.

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A book was returned to a Massachusetts library almost 99 years overdue. The book was titled
“Facts I Ought to Know about the Government of My Country” and it was supposed to have been returned by May 10, 1910.
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Well, it’s good to see that even then the young Larry King was doing his pre-interview homework.

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Philadelphia Eagles players honored Michael Vick by voting him the recipient of the team “Courage” award, for what he’s been through. Does that mean that someday PGA players could vote Tiger Woods “Husband of the Year?”

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Twisted holiday thoughts…

Posted December 24, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Republican senators were going to delay the healthcare vote into Christmas Eve or even Christmas day. But apparently they were getting a lot of pressure from their wives and girlfriends to come home. Sometimes from both of them.

And Alex Kaseberg reminds me to add. Don’t forget the pressure a few of the men are also getting from their boyfriends.

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Brett Favre has resolved his dispute with Vikings’ coach Brad Childress. In fact Favre allegedly said he originally thought Childress was all wet but thinks now the coach is the cat’s pyjamas

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Bad news for children of tightwad environmentalists. Apparently their parents are considering telling them that Santa has to stay home because he is worried about his carbon footprint.

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Actually Santa’s pretty amazing. Who else could be in and out of so many homes around the world in such a short time? Besides Tiger Woods that is.

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The parents of the the balloon boy were both sentenced to jail for devising the hoax that they hoped would get them a reality show. Well, they may not have gotten their show, but they got the real life version of “I’m a celebrity, get me out of here.”
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Now that Mark Sanford is getting divorced, many wonder if he will end up with his “soulmate” in Argentina. If he does, one question, what does he tell her if he really does want to go hiking?

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Many advertisers are taking Tiger Woods’ name out of their advertisements because the association is just becoming too embarrassing. In related news, New Jersey is thinking of removing their name from the Nets.

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Disappointing news for romantics from Hollywood. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins are splitting up. While they haven’t given a reason, I must admit part of me hopes she found a younger man.

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Jokes on trains, planes, but no automobiles…

Posted December 23, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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For the second time in less than a week, Blackberry users suffered major outages with email messages on their phones. The outages lasted several hours Tuesday night/Wednesday morning and were apparently caused by high holiday communication volumes.. Wonder how many outgoing messages were “Dear Santa, bring me an IPhone?”

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American Airlines passengers apparently escaped serious injury Tuesday night when their plane way overshot a runway in Kingston, Jamaica and crashed into a fence. American has offered, however, both to cover medical bills and to credit passengers’ accounts with the extra frequent flier mile.
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Apparently Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez have ended their relationship. Apparently A-Rod felt that Kate cared too much about appearances and camera time. And she was beginning to think she was as pretty as him.

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Isn’t Alex Rodriguez saying someone is obsessive about their image like Sarah Palin issuing a press release complaining that the media won’t leave her alone?

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New Fighting Irish football coach Brian Kelly says the Notre Dame program has “some things that need to get fixed,” but that it is “not broken.” I think to paraphrase an ex-president “It depends on the what the definition of broken is…”

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Penn State coach Joe Paterno celebrated his 83rd birthday yesterday. While preparing for his team’s appearance in the Capital One Bowl Jan 1, He took time out to wish good luck in the Gator Bowl to his young friend Bobby Bowden.

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Eurostar cancelled all Chunnel train service last weekend, stranding thousands of holiday travelers. They are starting a reduced schedule Tuesday to and from London with limited service through December 28. Hard to believe but they have accomplished the impossible – making Amtrak look good.

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“Snuggies”, the blankets with arms, are flying off the shelves at most retailers. It’s an all-purpose gift; if a man gets one as a romantic gift for his wife instead of jewelry, he can use it himself when he sleeps on the couch.

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When things are annoying you it’s important to keep perspective. Just think of all those people after the 2008 U.S. Open playoff with Rocco Mediate who were complaining about too much Tiger Woods coverage.

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And this was forwarded me by a friend.

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again.. At this point it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.

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Military intelligence and other oxymorons

Posted December 22, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Since the troops are stretched so thin, a new order from the general in charge of northern Iraq makes getting pregnant or impregnating a fellow soldier an offense punishable by court-martial. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just ban heterosexuals from the military?

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Three USC players were declared academically ineligible for the Emerald Bowl. Isn’t being declared academically ineligible at USC like being a woman and getting turned down for sex by Tiger Woods?

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Snow postponed and nearly NFL games in Philadelphia and Baltimore on Sunday. Unfortunately for Redskins fans their Monday night game went on as scheduled.

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NFL players are being encouraged to donate their brains to science. Washington fans are also encouraging Redskins owner Dan Synder to donate his brain as well. Since it hasn’t been used in years.

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So the AP male athlete of the year is… NASCAR’s Jimmie Johnson? I guess 800 horsepower of machinery isn’t considered performance enhancing?

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A new Department of Transportation rule will limit the time airlines can keep passengers stranded onboard on the tarmac to three hours. Unless Joe Lieberman is on board, in which case the delay shall simply be referred to as a “filibuster.”

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Congrats to country music star Carrie Underwood, who is now engaged to Mike Fisher, who plays hockey for the NHL Ottawa Senators. Her fans are asking “What’s hockey?” His fans are asking “What’s country music?”
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Adam Lambert appeared on Jay Leno’s show Monday night. I guess they figured if he kissed a boy NBC wanted him to do it somewhere where no one would notice.

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The New York Yankees luxury tax this year, over $25 million. The Florida Marlines payroll, $35 million. What more do you need to know about baseball?

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Cellphones and other hazards.

Posted December 21, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Maine may be the first state to pass a law saying that cellphone use may be hazardous to your health. In related news, after the Tiger Woods case, Florida may pass a law saying texting may be hazardous to your marriage.

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The Senate finally took the first vote towards passing healthcare reform, despite a winter storm that basically shut down the city, and required some senators to fly in on government planes for the vote. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for some opponents to say they would pass healthcare reform when Hell froze over.

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Despite the fact that healthcare reform has been debated in Congress since March, and by presidents off an on since Truman, Maine Senator Olympia Snowe said she will vote against the bill because it was “rushed.” and that the “process denies us the opportunity to thoroughly and carefully and deliberately evaluate what’s at stake.”

Her comments won’t win her any friends in the Democratic party. But she might get a campaign donation from Brett Favre.

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Democrats are celebrating what now looks like sure passage of the healthcare bill. Republicans are saying it might be the biggest mistake in Washington in recent memory, or at least since Dan Snyder was allowed to purchase the Redskins.
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After this weekend, three of the 34 college football bowl games are over. And if you can name the winners of all three, you probably have too much time on your hands.

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“Up in the Air” is already a favorite for “Best Picture,” and as a travel agent I can say that a surprising number of the details about frequent flier miles and travel are accurate. But not all of them. Without giving anything important about the movie away I can say without a doubt that the movie’s biggest “fantasy” is that there might actually be empty seats next to someone sitting in first class.

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So the prodigal quarterback (and potentially Oakland’s most expensive mistake ever), comes off the bench because there was literally no one else left. And he leads the Raiders to an improbable last-minute comeback. If this were a script it would be panned as too farfetched.

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And meanwhile in Charlotte, Brett Favre was unable to lead the Vikings to a comeback win over the Carolina Panthers. But let’s be fair, it was the Sunday night game. Which means the fourth quarter was way past his bedtime.

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The Panthers sacked Favre four times, and intercepted him once. Good thing the game wasn’t in Minnesota. Some of the Carolina Panthers could have been arrested for elder abuse.

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Snow day

Posted December 20, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Snow has basically shut down Washington D.C. this weekend. Democrats introduced a resolution to name it the “Lieberman Blizzard.”
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Washington, D.C. was blanketed in snow today. It’s the most powdery white stuff the city has seen since Marion Barry was mayor.

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NFL games in Philadelphia and Baltimore have already been delayed 3 hours tomorrow by the snowstorm.

Canadian Football League fans have a one word comment – “Wimps.”

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Actually fans in Edmonton, Calgary and Saskatoon have a question – “You mean people actually can play football without snow?”

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Tag Heuer now also says they will downscale their Tiger Woods ads. The watch company’s slogan is “What are you made of?” – Future Tiger ads may say simply “Who have you made?”

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Monica Lewinsky is trying to jump back in the spotlight by complaining now that Bill Clinton lied about their relationship.

Two questions: – First, is there anyone left in America who believed Bill Clinton told the truth about sex?

Second, if she really wanted to get back in the news for having an affair, wouldn’t it have been easier to claim she slept with Tiger Woods?
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The #2 ranked Stanford women’s basketball team beat the #3 ranked Tennessee women’s basketball team 67-52. During the game Tennessee had exactly four assists. Kobe Bryant wonders how they lost despite that stunning display of teamwork.

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Tennessee coach Pat Summitt, one of the winningest NCAA coaches of all time in any sport, has a reputation for taking losses seriously. Last year after an early tournament loss, she had the Lady Vols practice after their season was over.

Although aren’t the New Jersey Nets basically doing the same thing?

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Pre-Christmas wishes..

Posted December 19, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Memo from Santa.

To – All comedy writers expecting something in their Christmas stockings

“I already gave you Tiger Woods, how much more do you want?”

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And in the “be careful what you wish for department,” wonder if someone connected with the PGA tour ever wished two things this fall, that golf would be front page news, and that next year’s tournaments might be more competitive, with more new faces having a chance to win.

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A major snowstorm is hitting Washington, D.C. this weekend and the capital is expected to be paralyzed. So for Congress, it’s business as usual.

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When she was in Hawaii, Sarah Palin was wearing a sun visor with John McCain’s name blacked out. The question is, who blacked out the name? Sarah, or the McCain campaign?

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Palin actually said she blacked out the name with a Sharpie so that she could go “incognito.” Wouldn’t a big floppy hat have been easier? Although presumably there are easier places to have privacy than at one of the biggest hotels – the Hilton Hawaiian Village – in Waikiki.

And you have to wonder what was the paparazzi’s first clue….the autographed stack of copies of “Going Rogue” on her beach blanket?)

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According to the Los Angeles Times, USC’s leading rusher, Joe McKnight, has been seen regularly around town driving a $27,000 SUV registered to a booster. And the university is already under investigation for alleged “improper benefits” to Reggie Bush and O.J. Mayo. Maybe it’s time to start referring to them as the University of the Severely Clueless.

Bad pun alert.

Seattle is actually taking a chance on outfielder Milton Bradley. They are hoping as he gets into his 30s that the talented but volatile player will be more even-tempered. In other words, they hope there will be no whines from the ancient Mariner.

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Tough love? Florida defensive end Carlos Dunlap, arrested for DUI on December 1, has been reinstated for the Sugar Bowl. His court appearance is scheduled Jan 10, but coach Urban Meyer says he’s paid a “serious price” already, and he’s been a “good student and a good person.”

I’m sure the fact Dunlap was the team leader in sacks and is projected as a first round draft pick had nothing to do with it.

(By the way, Dunlap, who has pleaded “not guilty”, is 20 years old. Any drink he had before getting in a car was illegal.)

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Berry, berry, quite contrary.

Posted December 18, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Blackberry users across North America were unable to receive messages for several hours Thursday. You know what that means, millions of people in meetings were forced to actually pay attention to the speaker

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Yahoo’s market share as a search engine declined again in November. Interested readers can get more details by Googling the story.

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If their traffic gets much worse the company may soon be known as Ya-Who?

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Sarah Palin apparently took her family to Hawaii for a few days of vacation. She said it was to give them all a little relaxing together time, and besides, the kids had never been to a foreign country.

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Prince Charles is being accused of meddling in government affairs, after writing at least 8 letters to British government department heads in the last few years. Of course, considering the length of Charles’s relationship with his current wife Camilla, who could possibly be a better expert on government affairs?

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Now that Tiger Woods’ doctor is under investigation for performance enhancing drugs, wonder if his alibi will be, “No, I didn’t sneak off to be with the doctor, I was with a waitress”

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Woods and his wife Elin Nordegren may or may not be getting divorced. But one supposed bit of evidence is that Elin has recently been seen not wearing her wedding ring. But as countless people, especially women, have learned, seeing someone not wearing their wedding ring isn’t necessarily a sign of divorce. Unless they get caught.

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Sometimes no comment or punchline is needed. Arizona State’s long time baseball coach, Pat Murphy, who was also the three-time reigning Pac 10 coach of the year, resigned on November 20 of this year for personal reasons. USA Today now reports that on November 19 a letter was sent to the school from the NCAA informing them of an investigation of alleged “major rule violations”

University officials insisted there was no link between Murphy’s abrupt resignation and the NCAA investigation.

I like the one from Bud Selig that he had no idea there were steroids in baseball better.

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One I wish I had written from Jim Barach:

Tiger Woods has been named the “Athlete of the Decade” by the Associated Press. Woods was picked for his domination, performance and stamina. He didn’t do too badly on the golf course, either.

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Only eight more shopping days…

Posted December 17, 2009 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Unless Joe Lieberman succeeds in cancelling Hanukkah and Christmas because holiday spending increases the deficit. (Or because last year he didn’t get the present he wanted.)

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In an effort to normalize relations, President Obama has apparently written a personal letter to Kim Jong-il of North Korea. Democrats are applauding the move, Republicans are criticizing it, and teenagers are asking “What’s a personal letter?”

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The woes continue for the Washington Wizards, as they lost 112-109 to the Sacramento Kings. On a night where 20 year old Kings rookie Tyreke Evans scored 26 points. Forget the playoffs, at this rate the Wizards may have a tough time qualifying for a NIT berth.

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New Wizards slogan? “At least we’re not the Nets.”

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A Costco in Salt Lake City took tomatoes off their shelves when Sarah Palin was in the store for a book signing. The reason, they didn’t want anyone else throwing a tomato at the former Governor. This is bad news for any potential salsa makers who shop at Joe Lieberman’s favorite market.

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Elin Nordegren may take the children and spend the holidays in Sweden without Tiger. Gosh, without his wife around, wonder what Tiger will do for company?

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And to those who are surprised that Woods still won “Athlete of the Decade” after the scandal broke. It makes sense, his victory total was impressive enough even when we thought he was completely focused on golf and a bit robotic. Turns out the guy is an impressive multi-tasker even by Bill Clinton standards.

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From Ben Burnett in Canada: After a game in which he was benched with two personal fouls, the St. Louis Rams released veteran guard Incognito…..sadly no one noticed.

Followup joke. Incognito was picked up by the Buffalo Bills. So Richie will end up playing in Buffalo… ? Talk about really going Incognito. (Ask Terrell Owens.)

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You think your team had a bad day…

Posted December 16, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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How about the kids at Texas-Pan American, who lost to the University of Texas in basketball 104-42. Normally when a basketball game is this embarrassing, the New Jersey Nets are involved.

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Meanwhile, in the SEC, teams are lining up to see if Texas-Pan American has a football team available for a non-conference game.

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Because of the tough economy, schools in some states are trying to saving money by going to four day weeks. Leading some kids to say this has to be greater than the Great Depression.

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A survey of Global Traveler magazine readers had Chicago O’Hare as the number one airport in the United States. With all due respect, many people don’t even think it’s the number one airport in Chicago.

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There is talk of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament expanding to 96 teams. And we thought March was a month for low U.S. worker productivity before.

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Okay, I wasn’t quite accurate yesterday. Turns out the Arizona Cardinals did not have two interceptions and five fumbles on Monday night. They had two interceptions and SEVEN fumbles. But they recovered two of their own fumbles.

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Regarding the NFL’s blackout policy. Maybe they are going about it all wrong. If a lousy team like the Raiders or Rams doesn’t sell out a home game, viewers in that city get one of the nationally televised games. Wouldn’t it make more sense to say if the game doesn’t sell out, fans have to watch their lousy locals, instead of a team like the Chargers, Vikings, Saints or Colts.

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According to Golf.com, industry experts claim that Tiger Woods’ absence from the sport will have little economic effect. And we thought Tiger’s original statement was unrealistic.

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Tiger Woods’ popularity has fallen down to 33 percent. Any lower and maybe he should think about running for Congress.

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Tennessee football coach Lane Kiffin says he considers the investigations into the school’s recruiting practices as a “compliment.” If so, my sense is that Kiffin and the Volunteers are due for a lot of ego-stroking in the near future.

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Indianapolis Colts and New Orleans Saints, move over. The Penn State women’s volleyball team now has a 100 game winning streak. (This, by the way, is 12 games more than than the great UCLA men’s basketball team in the early 70s.)

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Random thoughts…

Posted December 15, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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A Consumer Reports survey showed only about half of Americans were satisfied with their wireless service. And the number could be worse, it doesn’t count all the people Consumer Reports couldn’t get through to on their wireless phones.

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Monday was the Post Office’s busiest day of the year. And in a statement, they vowed to deliver all packages mailed today in time for Christmas. Of course, we don’t know if that’s Christmas 2009 or 2010.

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After their seven turnover debacle on Monday Night Football, the Arizona Cardinals still will probably make the playoffs and have a chance at the Super Bowl. If they do win it all, however, the NFL may not let them hoist that Waterford trophy.

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As the healthcare debate continues, many Democrats are coming to the conclusion that Al Gore just might have made a worse choice for his running mate than John McCain.

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The general consensus amongst Democrats. Joe Lieberman is a toad. Except for members of PETA who consider it an insult to toads.

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New Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly had his home in Cincinnati “egged” by less than happy Bearcats fans, who also wrote a nasty message on his lawn. Apparently he wasn’t that upset about it, which is a good thing. Because wait until he sees what they will say and do in South Bend if he doesn’t lead the team to a major bowl.

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Accenture dropped Tiger Woods because he apparently no longer represented “high performance” to them. I don’t know…winning all those Masters while juggling an unknown but significant number of women, many men would consider that pretty “high performance” indeed.

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Monday mourning..

Posted December 14, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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It’s just about official. Neither the Oakland Raiders nor the San Francisco 49ers will be in the playoffs again this year. Note to fans in the Los Angeles area -“See, there ARE worse things than not having an NFL team.”

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Gillette says they will now “limit” their marketing with Tiger Woods. In the remaining ads, they are considering changing their slogan from “The Best a Man can Get.” to the “The Most a Man Can Get.”

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While in many ways the timing couldn’t be helped, you have to wonder, is this the best time of year to get the American public behind government having a bigger role in healthcare? When December is the month when Americans most think of government while standing in line in the Post Office.

If the BCS ran the NFL, the New Orleans Saints could be out of the playoffs for being ranked highly enough in the preseason. And the Arizona Cardinals would be out for playing in a weak conference.

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Both undefeated NFL teams, the New Orleans Saints and the Indianapolis Colts, play in two of the smallest cities, and thus media markets, in the country. This would never happen if Bud Selig was commissioner.

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Of course, if the the NFL was run like MLB, the Giants or Jets would simply buy the Colts and Saints rosters.

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How bad a month are the Dallas Cowboys having? They are considering signing an endorsement contract with Tiger Woods.

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Brandon Marshall of the Broncos had 21 receptions in Denver’s 28-16 loss to Indianapolis. He thus broke the NFL single game record. The record was previously held by Terrell Owens, who had 20 catches on September 14, 2008 for the San Francisco 49ers. In related news, T.O. called a press conference to complain that in that game Jeff Garcia didn’t throw him the ball enough.

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From Bill Littlejohn, after nine Michigan State football players were charged with assault and conspiracy in connection with a fight at a dorm: “There haven’t been that many Spartans involved in a fight since ‘300 AD.”

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Heisman and other rants…

Posted December 13, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Since when did they change the Heisman to become the award for the best sophomore in the country?

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Note to voters, this isn’t college basketball. Sophomores come back next year.

So Mark Ingram lost out to Toby Gerhart for the Doak Walker award for the nation’s best running back. And he wasn’t even the MVP when Alabama beat Florida. (QB Greg McElroy was.) And he had 39 yards in the game against Auburn. Heisman voters, whats YOUR deal?

From Nick Coombs Where is Kanye West when we REALLY need him?

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Gillette is scaling back their ads feature Tiger Woods. Although they state it is not for any negative reason, but rather in support of the golfer.

“As Tiger takes a break from the public eye,” said a marketing spokesman, we will support his desire for privacy by limiting his role in our marketing programs.” I think I like the one about hiking the Appalachian trail better.

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When Army lost to Navy on Saturday, that put UCLA into the EagleBank Bowl, December 29, in Washington, D.C. Bruins fans were happy and relieved. They would have just hated to see their 6-6 team miss post-season competition.

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But to be fair, this is Washington D.C., between the Nationals, Redskins and Wizards, .500 looks pretty darn good.

Tacky time.

It was a record-tying day at Hollywood Park Friday for jockey Joel Rosario, who tied a track record set by Bill Shoemaker in 1953

What’s the difference between Joel Rosario and Tiger Woods. Rosario rode six winners. Tiger is a winner who rode….oh, never mind

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In praise of procrastination.

Posted December 12, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Think of all the sportswriters who prepared their “Best Sports Story of the Decade” articles before Thanksgiving.

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And just think, a few weeks ago the most embarrassing sports story in Florida was the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

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So despite a photo of two Tennessee recruits, in the rain, with two lovely women dressed for a fancy party, on the field after a football game, and despite fact those recruits later committed to Tennessee, the University maintains they did nothing wrong.

Said Pete Rose, “I wouldn’t bet on it.”

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And who’d a thunk this?. Bill Clinton will end up married longer than Mark Sanford.

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Surprising appearance of Sarah Palin on the Tonight Show, after William Shatner had done more dramatic readings of excerpts from her book. She in turn read of some Shatner’s memoirs out loud. Who would have expected that – Sarah can read?

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The Big 10 is thinking of expanding to 12 teams from 11. And we wonder why college athletes aren’t good at math.
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Jim Bob and Michelle Duggars had their 19th child, a girl born by emergency caesarean, Thursday night. 19 children?! Even the Octomom says “Are these people nuts?”

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The buzz already is that the new movie “Up in the Air” has a strong chance to win Best Picture. And for the uninitiated, no, it’s not a documentary on Tiger Woods’ career.

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The San Jose Sharks have lost their fourth in a row. It’s only December and they already are in postseason form.

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All booked up.

Posted December 11, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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A new tell-all book, “The Politician.” written by a former aide and close friend of John Edwards is coming out in February. And Tiger Woods is looking into how much it would cost to have the book’s release date moved up to next week.

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Sarah Palin actually praised the President today, saying that his Nobel Peace Prize address reminded her about things she wrote about in her book. Except that Obama’s speech was in English.

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Give Tiger Woods credit for one thing….he has proved that given an interesting enough topic, most Americans WILL read.

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Despite barely avoiding an embarrassing upset against Nebraska after one second was put back on the clock, Texas football coach Mack Brown was rewarded with a raise to $5 million a year. I hope he shares some with the replay booth officials.

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As the holidays approach, police remind us that texting while driving is dangerous. Also texting while chipping, putting and walking the fairways. As Tiger Woods will attest.

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Paul McCartney now says his marriage to Heather Mills was a mistake. In related news, Adam Lambert is still gay.

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Anyone catch Barry Manilow on the Jay Leno Show? He looks like the love child of Clay Aiken and Keith Carradine.

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A judge today ruled in favor of TLC in their contract dispute with Jon Gosselin. So there is now a preliminary junction barring Jon from appearing on any other reality television shows. Bummer, said absolutely no one.

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And a little Toby Gerhart commercial. Some say that an previously unheralded running back from a school that was picked to MAYBE make it to .500 has no chance for the Heisman. Yeah, and how many people thought that Notre Dame would spend so much effort pursuing a football coach from the University of Cincinnati?

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The newest gift?

Posted December 10, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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The newest gift this season? The Tiger Woods advent calendar. Every day in December another window opens to a surprise.

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Earlier in the year, Representative Joe Baca introduced a resolution to honor Tiger Woods with a Congressional Gold Medal. He has withdrawn the resolution. Apparently he feels that it would set a bad precedent to give a medal to someone who clearly seems to be working towards a career in politics.

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As the number of “transgressions” keeps climbing for Tiger Woods, I have to wonder what’s more shocking, that these stories are coming out now? Or that he managed to keep them quiet so long in the first place?

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How shocking would this headline have been just a few weeks ago? “Tiger’s alleged mistress apologizes to wife.” Even more shocking, the fact that at this point the response of most Americans would be “Which one?”

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CBS is cancelling “As the World Turns” after 54 years. I guess they figured, who needs to produce a soap opera when we have options like “The Tiger Woods Show?”

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Cincinnati’s Chad Ochocinco was fined $30,000 for his latest stunt, briefly donning a mock poncho and a sombrero next to the bench following his touchdown catch during the Bengals’ 23-13 win over Detroit last week, $10,000 more than the fine he got for pretending to bribe an official during a game earlier this season.

Anyone else out there who’s beginning to think Ochicinco might be the NFL’s best value for entertainment dollar?

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Mack Brown of the University of Texas received a raise this week, making him college football’s first official $5 million a year man. Of course, this doesn’t count the coaches who end up getting $5 million a year, when teams like Notre Dame fire them with years left on their contract.

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This week in Copenhagen, thousands are convening to discuss how we all can reduce carbon emissions. So many VIPs are attending, in fact, that the airport is having trouble finding space for the 140 private jets.

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JetBlue is offering a $25 online discount on their flights for the holidays. Wouldn’t it be more practical to give customers a $25 onboard credit while the plane is waiting for takeoff.

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Some say it is ironic that President Obama is accepting the Nobel Peace Prize after committing more troops to a war in Afghanistan. No more ironic than President Clinton signing the “Defense of Marriage” act. Or for that matter George W. Bush calling himself the “Education President.

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Not so academic All-American

Posted December 9, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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The University of Texas regularly ranks amongst the lowest in football player graduation rates. In the meantime, quarterback Colt McCoy admitted he didn’t realize a thrown football must hit something before the clock stops, which almost cost his team the game against Nebraska.. Maybe next year the Longhorns will consider SOME required reading – the rulebook.

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Virgin Galactic is taking deposits for their planned 2011 passenger suborbital space flights. The price of the tickets is expected to be $200,000. With presumably about $100,000 extra in fuel surcharges and taxes, not to mention nominal charges for inflight snacks and beverages.

Wonder what their slogan will be – “Want to REALLY get away?

“Something special in the stratosphere?”

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Kate Gosselin – formerly of Jon and Kate plus 8 -apparently spent a few hours working at a North Carolina pancake house in preparation for a possible new reality show. The working title of that show? “Meet Tiger Woods.”

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Sarah Palin said that while Mike Huckabee made a “horrible decision” nine years ago to commute the prison sentence of the man suspected of killing four police officers in Washington, her “heart goes out” to the former Arkansas governor.

Just wondering, would she be as forgiving if the man had been pardoned by also former Arkansas governor Bill Clinton?

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Cincinnati coach Brian Kelly is rumored to be the leading candidate to replace Charlie Weis at Notre Dame. According to some media sources, this is partly to do with his being Irish Catholic. On the other hand, if he could lead them to a BCS bowl, my sense is the Fighting Irish would hire a direct descendant of Brigham Young.

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If Kelly replaces Weis, he will probably get at least a 6 year deal for about $20 million. Which based on the Notre Dame athletic department’s expectations, could mean over $6 million a year for his actual South Bend coaching career.

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The final joke is just sick and tacky, but what the heck?

Some wonder just how angry Elin Nordegren is getting as more and more details emerge about the number of Tiger’s “transgressions.” But apparently Elin’s only comment is that she wishes her husband had met Sahel Kazemi.

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Did you hear the one that wasn’t about Tiger Woods?

Posted December 8, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Many women across America are getting particularly sick of the Tiger Woods story. Partly because they can’t understand why so many other women would basically throw themselves at a celebrity for a tawdry quick relationship. Unless it was George Clooney.

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VH1 will air a show about the wives of NBA players. Sponsored, I would assume, by Tiffanys.

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Florida coach Urban Meyer checked into a Gainesville hospital the morning after his team’s blowout loss to Alabama the night before, suffering from dehydration. Gosh, it would have been nice to have something on the Gator sideline he could have been drinking to avoid that problem…

(inside baseball note, Gatorade was INVENTED at the University of Florida for athletes)

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What’s particularly surprising about Meyer apparently not having drunk any Gatorade. We sure know none of it was wasted by being dumped on him at the end of the game.

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Allen Iverson was in tears when he announced he was signing again with the 76ers. Wonder who will be crying next – his teammates or 76ers fans?

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A man accidentally shot and killed his friend in North Carolina during an argument over the Texas-Nebraska football game. Residents are shocked, normally such fatalities in the state only happen over Duke-UNC basketball.

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The Northwest pilots who got distracted with their laptops and overshot Minneapolis are now blaming the incident on air traffic controllers. Isn’t that like Tiger Woods blaming his accident on the tree?

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Tacky question of the day. By the end of the year which will be a higher number – Tiger Woods’ Masters wins, or known mistresses?

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Baltimore was called for five pass interference penalties against Green Bay on Monday night, a new NFL record. Good thing they didn’t get all those penalties when Brett Favre was still the Packers quarterback. The Ravens could be cited for elder abuse.

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Actually the Packers and Ravens were called for 23 penalties between them, the second highest total ever in an NFL game. The highest, presumably, being in a Raiders intra-squad scrimmage.

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The Packers and Ravens combined for 23 penalties for 310 yards in their Monday Night Football game. There were so many flags, some viewers thought they were watching a preview of the Vancouver opening ceremonies.

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Beyond Tiger and beyond..

Posted December 7, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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For anyone getting just a little tired of the Tiger Woods story and the constant new evidence surfacing, be grateful for one thing. Text messages weren’t around when Bill Clinton was in his heyday.

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Would hate to have them miss kickoff…

Has anyone thought to remind Pete Carroll and the USC Trojans, headed to their first ever Emerald Bowl on December 26, that not all bowls are played on New Year’s Day?

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USC in the Emerald Bowl!!! The Trojans were picked early this year to contend for the National Championship. USC may be the most disappointedly over-rated team to show up at A T and T Park since last September when the Cubs played the Giants.

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Emerald, by the way, stands not for the color, but for Emerald Nuts, the bowl’s sponsor.

This could the first, (and perhaps one of the few non R rated versions) of what will be a lot of jokes including the USC mascot and the bowl name.

The Trojans in the Emerald Bowl? You must be Nuts.

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Okay, if you believe God has any interest in sports whatsoever, then clearly He (or She) is rooting for the New Orleans Saints this year. Either that or God really enjoys torturing Redskins fans.

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A horse was entered in the sixth race Friday at Hollywood Park in Los Angeles named Driveliketiger. The horse unfortunately was scratched. Wonder if he claimed he hit a hydrant or a tree?

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The San Diego Padres have stated their 2010 payroll will probably fall from $42.6 million to around $30 million. You know what that means, for Padres players and fans it’s safe to plan that October vacation in Hawaii.

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And okay, another comment-rant on the BCS system. Baseball and basketball have enough games that this tends not to happen at any level. But imagine in the NFL, that a team like the New Orleans Saints, picked somewhere between 12-24th (yes, 24th by Sports Illustrated, oops) in NFL preseason polls, simply could not move high enough into the rankings to be able to play for the Super Bowl. Because there were too many teams once ranked above them. Whereas teams like the Indianapolis Colts would still have to win, but would have no problem qualifying if they did. Because that’s the system we’ve got.

Yeah, probably the three undefeated teams left out of the Championship game aren’t quite at Texas-Alabama level. (Although Texas sure didn’t look at “Texas level” in winning against Nebraska.) Boise State and TCU won every game they played. And Cincinnati even went undefeated in a BCS conference, knocking off more ranked teams (3) than either Texas or Alabama (2 each.) You get the sense that BCS officials will be wearing Tim Tebow eye-black during the Sugar Bowl, which pits the Bearcats against Florida.

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