Military intelligence and other oxymorons

Since the troops are stretched so thin, a new order from the general in charge of northern Iraq makes getting pregnant or impregnating a fellow soldier an offense punishable by court-martial. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just ban heterosexuals from the military?

Three USC players were declared academically ineligible for the Emerald Bowl. Isn’t being declared academically ineligible at USC like being a woman and getting turned down for sex by Tiger Woods?

Snow postponed and nearly NFL games in Philadelphia and Baltimore on Sunday. Unfortunately for Redskins fans their Monday night game went on as scheduled.

NFL players are being encouraged to donate their brains to science. Washington fans are also encouraging Redskins owner Dan Synder to donate his brain as well. Since it hasn’t been used in years.

So the AP male athlete of the year is… NASCAR’s Jimmie Johnson? I guess 800 horsepower of machinery isn’t considered performance enhancing?

A new Department of Transportation rule will limit the time airlines can keep passengers stranded onboard on the tarmac to three hours. Unless Joe Lieberman is on board, in which case the delay shall simply be referred to as a “filibuster.”

Congrats to country music star Carrie Underwood, who is now engaged to Mike Fisher, who plays hockey for the NHL Ottawa Senators. Her fans are asking “What’s hockey?” His fans are asking “What’s country music?”

Adam Lambert appeared on Jay Leno’s show Monday night. I guess they figured if he kissed a boy NBC wanted him to do it somewhere where no one would notice.

The New York Yankees luxury tax this year, over $25 million. The Florida Marlines payroll, $35 million. What more do you need to know about baseball?

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One Comment on “Military intelligence and other oxymorons”

  1. Peter Collum Says:

    Maybe Nascar’s Jimmie Johnson and his pit crew should have won the AP team of the year award rather that athlete of the year.

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