Archive for August 2016

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page
Newer Entries »

You go girls.

August 11, 2016

 

Over-under on how many American babies will be born in the next year named ?

–

So how come women have to do floor exercises to music and men don’t in the Olympics? Men can’t do gymnastics and listen at the same time?

–

All the talk about seeing Michael Phelps for the last time in the Olympics. And somewhere Brett Favre is just giggling.

–

Kim Rhode, who has won medals for the US in 5 consecutive Olympics, is complaining about California gun laws. “I shoot 500 to 1,000 rounds a day, so having to do a background check every time I purchase ammo, or every time I want to bring ammo in or out of a competition or a match, those are very challenging for me.”
And clearly the challenges are affecting her Olympic performance…. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

 

National Advertising Bureau says Comcast has to stop saying they have “fastest Internet in America because Verizon is faster. And somewhere Donald Trump is saying “but Trump Tower is the very fastest and bestest.”

–

In Myrtle Beach, two young women were arrested for skinny-dipping in an apartment complex pool, and one of them got angry enough to kick the police officer. Also furious, men in the complex at whoever called the cops.

–

In Florida, a man was fatally shot during a road rage incident yesterday, which is only noteworthy because he himself had served 10 years in prison for killing a man during a 2001 road rage incident. Yeah, every once in a while mean bitch Karma is okay with the 2nd amendment..

–

Macy’s says they will close 100 of their stores and focus more on online shopping. So are those stores waving the white flower?

–

LA Rams coach Jeff Fisher cut WR Deon Long for breaking team rules by bringing a woman visitor back to his room. Now, Long was an undrafted free agent. Of course I’m sure Fisher would have applied the rules equally to Pro Bowl DT Aaron Donald, or new QB Jared Goff.

 

Many countries, including the UK, Canada, France, New Zealand and the UAE, are issuing travel warnings for the US, due to violence, Zika, mass shootings, anti-LGBT and Muslim attitudes, etc.
Waiting for Trump to say we don’t want tourists anyway. ‪#‎MakeAmericaWalledAgain‬

–

CNN reports that the Secret Service had “more than one conversation” with Donald Trump about his 2nd amendment comment, Trump has denied in a tweet that such a conversation ever took place. Is it really wise if you want to be President to p*ss off the people who are and might be protecting you?

–

Delta Airlines, still digging out from their massive computer outage, admitted today there had been a ‘small fire’ at their data center. Right, like a long time ago Mrs. O’Leary in Chicago had a small cow.

–

From T.C.  “Is there a “Yogi Berra Finishing School” somewhere? I swear I heard an announcer on CNN say about a Trump rally, “We see people who are there and we see people who aren’t there”.

Of course one of the people who you might say “aren’t there” is the Donald himself.  Especially if you insert the world “all.”

–

So what’s next from Donald Trump? Telling John Hinckley that Jodie Foster has a major crush on Hillary Clinton?  #bustohell

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 4 Comments

It’s not easy being green.

August 10, 2016

And now both an Olympic diving pool and swimming pool have turned green. Maybe we could have done with Michael Phelps’ saying that everyone pees in the pool.

 

So today the multi-millionaire NBA superstar players living on a secured luxury ship had a somewhat close win over a team with 2-3 NBA players living in dorm conditions. Ah, the Olympic dream. USA! USA! USA! ‪#‎USAvsAustralia‬.

–

Not sure the real explanation as to why the water in ‪#‎Olympics‬ diving pool is green.  But it’s one way to get divers out of the pool promptly post dive.

 

 

Nice showing by ‪#‎Switzerland‬ against ‪#‎USA‬ But really “beach volleyball” in Switzerland? Makes as much sense as ‪#‎AmericasCup‬ there. ‪#‎Rio2016‬

–

Can we stop referring to ‪#‎SFGiants‬ on 2nd & 3rd base as “Runners In Scoring Position.” It’s just getting cruel.

But today the Giants did manage to win 1-0 without a single hit with runners in scoring position.  (Crawford home run)

–

My day job is in the travel business. Somebody just sent me an invitation to become a Trump hotel specialist. Somebody doesn’t know me very well.

–

A partial power loss on the new light-rail line to Denver International Airport is causing delays. But I am sure the airlines will be as sympathetic to passengers as they expect travelers to be when carriers themselves have delays. ‪#‎Sarcasm‬

–

Let’s put what Trump said another way. What if Hillary Clinton stood up at a rally and said, “If we elect Donald Trump he will appoint judges to overturn Roe v. Wade. nothing you can do, ladies. Although you Second Amendment women, maybe there is, I don’t know….”
I’m sure the Donald would laugh it off.

 

One of many criticisms of Hillary Clinton is that she made money after leaving office, and now is running for President. Especially after when Giuliani, Romney, Jeb Bush all left office they never did anything for profit before they decided to run…. ‪#more‎sarcasm‬

–

So ‪#‎MaliaObama‬ might have smoked a joint at a Chicago concert. Kudos to @POTUS & @FLOTUS for raising a normal child.

–

Man arrested today for climbing ‪#‎TrumpTower‬. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to tweet ‪#‎TweetTower‬ has best climbers ever, better than Everest.

–

Donald Trump is blaming yet another controversy, the one involving “Second Amendment people” on the media. Yep, the dastardly media, who persist in reporting exactly what he says.

–

This text exchange just was revealed between two of Chris Christie’s top aides during the New Jersey Governor’s 2013 press conference about Bridgegate:
“Are you listening? He just flat out lied about senior staff and Stepien not being involved.”
“I’m listening. Gov is doing fine. Holding his own up there.”
“Yes. But he lied. And if emails are found with the subpoena or emails are uncovered in discovery if it comes to that it could be bad.”
Time for the GOP to start talking about Hillary’s emails again.

–

Bill Littlejohn reports that “Tim Tebow says he doesn’t want to be a ‘sideshow’ in baseball.Right–he’s not done being one in football”

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Not even plausibly live?

August 9, 2016

Has @NBC figured out w/ women’s gymnastics only people who aren’t online enough to know results will be asleep by time show airs? ‪#‎Rio2016‬

–

Wonder which will come first, the NBC tape-delayed coverage of women’s gymnastics, or the Chinese women gymnasts hitting puberty?

–

Apparently there are signs at the Rio Oympics saying you cannot fish in the toilets. Organizers were worried about that possibility why? – Because it’s the cleanest water in town?

–

Tim Tebow has apparently been training and now hopes to pursue a career in professional baseball.Tebow hasn’t played the sport since high school so it’s probably crazy to think he could get to a major league level at this point. Though maybe Tim has a chance to catch on with the Atlanta Braves.

 

#‎TimTebow‬ is now hoping to play pro baseball, although he hasn’t played since high school. Even God is thinking Tim doesn’t have a prayer.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ manager ‪#‎BruceBochy‬ was out of the hospital and back on the bench today. Unfortunately the Giants offense is back on life support.

–

After 7 hits last night, the Giants’ ‪#‎BrandonCrawford‬ went 0-4 today, and struck out on his first at-bat on 3 pitches. Hope his bat didn’t have all the hits taken out of it ‪

–

A man who was afraid his girlfriend would reunite with her ex called in a fake bomb threat last week before her flight to the Caribbean. He was released on bail, and apparently the couple is back together. These two just might be stupid enough to deserve each other.

–

In Florida, two wild tortoises were found with their shells completely painted in bright colors, and the state Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission had to issue a warning “While to you it may seem harmless, painting the shells of turtles and tortoises can severely compromise their health….”
If only the tortoises were armed. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

–

Martin Shkreli claims he has diagnosed Hillary Clinton with Parkinson’s Disease, Well, and millions of Americans have diagnosed Shkreli with antisocial personality disorder, or in the vernacular, being a sociopath.

–

 

Forget ‪#‎ManyAreSaying‬. What Donald Trump really needs is to start using “Everybody’s talking”:
“Everybody’s talking at me
I don’t hear a word they’re saying
Only the echoes of my mind”

–

Trump is dismissing a letter written by 50 GOP national security experts, who worked for presidents from Nixon to W. which said “None of us will vote for Donald Trump.:
The Donald said the letter was “politically motivated” and that the experts “deserve the blame for making the world such a dangerous place.” Wait a minute, I thought that was Hillary and Obama’s fault?

–

Donald Trump at a rally today, “Hillary wants to abolish the 2nd amendment. ..If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks — although the 2nd Amendment people, maybe there is.”
If this guy were anything other than the Presidential nominee of a major political party the Secret Service would have made sure he was locked up a long time ago.

 

Possible @RealDonaldTrump is tired of this president thing; just trying to see how outrageous he can be before he is forced out of race?

–

Okay, I am generally liberal and proud of it. But a Muslim flight attendant is suing ExpressJet, a commuter airline that works with United Airlines and others, saying they suspended her for refusing to serve alcohol. Uh, so what’s next, she will apply for a job in a bar and then sue them too?

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

14th inning stretch.

August 8, 2016

For those who chose to watch tape delayed Olympic coverage instead of the last three hours of the 5 hour and 34 minutes SF Giants game,  they played without their manager Bruce Bochy, who felt ill and has been hospitalized in Miami. ‪

Hmm, the SF Giants’ recent play was just supposed to make FANS sick.

 

The best of times, the worst of times, the best of times, the worst of times. Please tell @SFGiants it’s a baseball season not a Dickens novel.

–

Brandon Crawford got the game winning hit for the Giants, his 7th of the evening.  Until today, seven hits might be the number of hits the Giants have had with runners in scoring position since the All-Star break.

—

So somewhere at a Miami hospital a nurse is saying “Okay, time to turn out the lights Mr. Bochy.” ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

If ‪#‎BruceBochy‬ weren’t already in the hospital this ‪#‎SFGiants‬ game might have put him there.

–

SF Giants & new reliever Will Smith together may be pursuing something, but so far it is not happyness.

–

Has someone told  Tuesday SF Giants’ starter  ‪#‎MattMoore‬ he’s going 9 innings yet? ‪

–

 Meanwhile, Delta flights were so delayed Monday morning they’ve been named the official airline of the NBC Olympics.

–

 

#‎ESPN‬ says hiring ‪#‎JordanRodgers‬ as ‪#‎SEC‬ analyst had nothing to do w/ his being on “The Bachelorette”. And they said it with straight face.

–

So Meg Whitman last week, and now former Republican Michigan Gov. William Millken has endorsed Hillary Clinton for President. Come on, Mitt, you can do it. Thinking your father would have.

–

Donald Trump is unveiling a new economic plan that will basically cut taxes at all income levels, and for businesses, and eliminate the estate tax. Sounds like the same sound principles of money management that have led to all those bankruptcies.

–

When Mexico gets done paying for the wall are they going to pay for Trump’s tax cuts?

–

So the Pro Football Hall of Fame game was canceled yesterday because the paint on the field was too hard? Seriously. ‪#‎Youhadonejob‬

–

Monday was supposedly ‪#‎InternationalCatDay‬ Cats are just sniffing, EVERY day is #InternationalCatDay

–

Weekend poll showed ‪#‎Clinton‬ beating ‪#‎Trump‬ in Georgia. Today ‪#‎Delta‬ Airlines, based in ATL, had a complete computer failure. ‪#‎IblameHillary‬

–

‪#‎Rio2016‬ official Felipe Seixas was robbed after opening ceremony at ‪#‎Olympics‬. His job title “Chief of Security” ‪#‎youcantmakethisstuffup‬

–

Maine Senator Susan Collins says in an op-ed “I will not be voting for Donald Trump.” Fine, but it would be a little gutsier to say who she was actually voting for.

And “No one” is the same as abstaining on a bill.   #Profilesnotincourage

–

 

 

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: 2 Comments

Getting late early.

August 7, 2016

Guessing ‪#‎MichaelPhelps‬‘ next retirement speech will be breaking news before @NBC shows most of his ‪#‎Rio2016‬ performances.

–

Just wonder, if NBC is so sure that women prefer packaged events, why don’t they do two Sunday Night Footballs?  One for guys, and another Monday night with twice as many commercials and edited highlights along with personal stories about the players?

–

Olympic rowing has been canceled today due to high winds. On a brighter note maybe the wind will blow some of the sewage away.

–

An Olympic kayaker apparently capsized today when he ran into a sofa. Well, at least the sofa didn’t have a body on it.

–

So @NBC thinks women don’t care about live sports. or might need to get up early. Top ‪#‎Rio2016‬ events tape delayed  past 1130p. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

–

Serena and Venus Williams were bounced in the first round of the women’s doubles at the Rio 2016 Olympics. Although by the time NBC gets around showing it on tape delay no doubt one of them will already have won another tournament.

–

#‎MadisonBumgarner‬ has lost 2 complete games 1-0 in 2016. More complete games than most pitchers throw all season. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

#‎ARod‬ will retire Friday. So he’ll be contributing about as much to the ‪#‎Yankees‬ offense as he has been all season.

 

#‎ARod‬ released by ‪#‎Yankees‬. He will serve as an “advisor”but technically he could sign w/ another team. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ not that desperate. Yet.

–

Having traded two star relievers and with A-Rod retiring, the Yankees are becoming a team of no-names. But those no-names will still get a lot more national TV exposure than the players on the division leading Orioles, Indians and Rangers.

 

Quite a love fest from former 49ers players etc for Eddie Debartolo on his election to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. But not much mention of 1992 allegations of him sexually assaulting a waitress in California, and the reported $200,000 out-of-court settlement. Boys will be boys and owners will be owners?

–

Jeb Bush’s son George P. Bush, a Texas Land Commissioner, is now saying his fellow Republicans should support Donald Trump. And somewhere W. is thinking, “now who’s the stupid one?”

–

Oliver North is attacking Obama over an alleged ransom payment to Iran for hostages. So Ollie thinks the President was too wimpy to send them arms instead?

–

 

John Kasich has indicated he can’t support Donald Trump, and it will be “very very difficult” for Trump to win Ohio. But Kasich also says he thinks a Clinton White House would result in “total gridlock.”
As opposed to what we have now?

 

Donald Trump announced that he would ‘walk’ from Japan, Germany, South Korea and other allies if they don’t commit to defending America and or paying their “fair share” of NATO fees.
This guy is gunning for a new game “Trump Insult Bingo.” Wouldn’t be hard to win.

 

From T.C., as it approaches football season: “Seattle head coach Pete Carroll has been given a three-year extension with the Seahawks.  Owner Paul Allen figures that should be more than enough time for Carroll to design a play that will score a TD from the one-yard line.” . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Blame it all on women in Rio.

August 6, 2016

‬ Statement from NBC’s Chief Marketing Officer John Miller last month about their tape delayed coverage “The people who watch the Olympics are not particularly sports fans. More women watch the Games than men, and for the women, they’re less interested in the result and more interested in the journey.”  #nottheOnion

 

–

So NBC tape delays ‪#‎Olympics‬ because women don’t like sports & prefer reality TV. On behalf of all women fans to NBC – Bless your heart

–

Maybe @NBC’s offensive comments about women and watching sports are just a blatant attempt to steal viewers from @FoxNews? ‪#‎Rio2016‬

–

 

Loved watching ‪#‎Olympics‬ as a child in all kinds of time zones. Waiting to see a world record 4 hr later just doesn’t compare. @NBC sucks.

 

As much as I don’t look forward to Fox and ‪#‎JoeBuck‬ having ‪#‎SuperBowl2017‬ at least they won’t put it on tape delay because of women. @NBC

–

Nigeria’s team almost late to ‪#‎Olympics2016‬ because of problem w/ charter flight. They made mistake of contracting with a Nigerian prince?

–

An American won the first gold of the Summer Olympics, in the 10 meter air rifle. Well, and shouldn’t we be the best at shooting guns? We have the most of them.

–

Meanwhile,  North Korea is at the ‪#‎OlympicGames‬ And their official state newspaper is already reporting on the dozen medals they have won.

–

A French gymnast broke his leg while competing in a vaulting event today. Gymnastics fans are thinking “how horrible.” Wonder how many non fans are thinking “Hmm, now that I might tune in to watch.”

–

 

These ‪#‎TeamUSA‬ basketball games have all the drama of ‪#‎SEC‬ college football games – like this year’s Alabama vs Western Kentucky. ‪#‎Rio2016‬

–

The story now is that the Team USA basketball players who ended up in a Rio brothel were there accidentally because they thought it was a spa. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

–

Going into today’s SF Giants vs. Washington Nationals game:  Matt Cain. 3-6, 5.53 ERA, Stephen Strasburg, 15-1, 2.63 ERA   #soyouaresayingtheresachance

–

The Yankees have a press conference scheduled tomorrow, possibly about Alex Rodriguez, who will make $21 million this year, and is owed $21 million next year, whether or not he plays. To put that in perspective, the Astros payroll this year is $69 million.

–

Brett Favre said tonight that his Hall of Fame induction speech was “harder than any third-and-15.” Maybe because Favre realizes that no HOFer has ever rescinded his retirement?

 

Marco Rubio said today that a pregnant woman infected with Zika virus, even if she thinks the child would be born with severe microcephaly, does not have the right to an abortion.
And of course the Florida senator also proposed that government should pay for lifetime care for such a child. Oh, wait, never mind.

–

Donald Trump’s latest “Unstable Hillary Clinton, lacks the judgment, temperament and moral character to lead this country..She’s really pretty close to unhinged, and you’ve seen, you’ve seen it a couple times…she’s like an unbalanced person.”
Guess it’s not just Melania’s speechwriter who’s stealing phrases from Democrats.

Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 6 Comments

In honor of Olympics, this post should be tape-delayed.

August 5, 2016

NBC not only tape delays ‪#‎Rio2016‬ they’re broadcasting at different times across US. Good luck if you talk to friends in other time zones.

 

Viewers unhappy at @NBC tape-delaying ‪#‎Rio2016‬ an hour w/ commercials. Except on West Coast ‪#‎OpeningCeremony‬ will be OVER before they start.

 

 

At least 3 NBA players in Rio were seen going into a brothel. Clearly Rio is not ready for the Olympics. Shouldn’t the groupies be in place by now?

–

A Moroccan boxer has been arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting two maids at the Olympic Village. And presumably also for stupidity – he couldn’t find thousands of women happy to sleep with an Olympic athlete?

–

The USA men’s and women’s basketball teams are staying on a luxury cruise ship docked in Rio, instead of at the Olympic Village where Andrew Bogut has tweeted about no shower curtains and bed issues.
Carmelo Anthony was asked about it “We have the same amenities as if we’re staying in a hotel, so I don’t really see what the (discussion is about). The beds are not big. The rooms are small. There’s some disadvantages to staying on the ship.” And Carmelo said all this with a straight face

–

Some Olympic swimmers have been practicing with snorkels as the water looks “cloudy.” So when the events begin will we see the first ever hazmat wetsuits?

–

Brazil has become the butt of jokes before the 2016 Olympics. ‪#‎ThirdWorldProblems‬. But then there’s the US, where NBC still won’t show events live. ‪#‎Firstworldproblems‬

–

The new head of ABC has vowed there will be more “diversity” on “The Bachelor.” So this means instead of blond and brunette men, they might go for a redhead?

–

The ‪#‎Yankees‬ have a press conference today about an impending retirement. Unfortunately for Yankee fans, it’s Mark Teixeira, not ‪#‎ARod‬

 –
Jeff Samardzija was almost looking like an ‪#‎AllStar‬, now looking like he should be pitching in ‪#‎AllStarGame‬ home run derby. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

 

Mike Henriques, the Oakland A’s strength and conditioning coach, was suspended for allegedly putting a hidden camera in the Coliseum weight room to spy on players. Well, and looking at the A’s record, a lot of good it did him.

 

–

Go ‪#‎redsox‬. But at some point ‪#‎Dodgers‬ losing has to stop being @SFGiants strategy for winning NLWest.

–

Scott Silverthorne, the mayor of Fairfax, VA, was arrested today for an alleged “meth-for-sex” scheme. SIlverthorne is also a substitute teacher. Wonder if he did his training in Albuquerque?

 

From my funny friend Jerry Perisho:  “There’s good news concerning the contaminated water at the Olympics in Rio. The Zika mosquitoes are dying of Dysentery.”

–

Tom Brady told reporters his decision finally to accept the NFL’s suspension was a “personal decision.” As in personally Brady figured he was spending more money on lawyers than he would lose in the suspension?

–

 

–

Here’s another commie pinko journalist attacking Donald Trump: “Here is a truth of life. When you act as if you’re insane, people are liable to think you’re insane…. There’s a clueless quality about him. It’s not that he doesn’t get advice; it’s that he can’t hear advice, can’t process it or turn it into action.”
The writer? Peggy Noonan.

–

 

The last line of an Los Angeles Times op-ed. Pass it on. The writer is Bernie Sanders: “I understand that many of my supporters are disappointed by the final results of the nominating process, but being despondent and inactive is not going to improve anything. Going forward and continuing the struggle is what matters. And, in that struggle, the most immediate task we face is to defeat Donald Trump.”

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

Happy Birthday, Mr President.

August 4, 2016

All of these emails today urging me to sign President Obama’s birthday card. Now saying “last chance” or “urgent.” Somehow I think he’ll get over not seeing my name.

 

–

#‎SFGiants‬ got a runner on 3rd home with less than two out on a sacrifice fly today. Hope this isn’t a sign of apocalypse.

–

 

And with his 10th inning game winning home run, can Giants call Denard’s hit a “Span over troubled water?”

–

Paul Ryan says that Donald Trump has had a “strange” run since the Republican National Convention. In other news the speaker has announced that water is wet.

–

Approval ratings for President Obama at 54%, highest of  his 2nd term. As most Americans realize how much they will miss him.

–

It’s looking like this will be Alex Rodriguez’s last year. Wonder if other teams will start gifting A-Rod commemorative cushions for while he sits on the bench.

–

Framingham State University in Massachusetts has canceled future Cinco de Mayo events after a student complained about the decorations and burrito bar “‘I feel as though whenever an event like this is taking place we go straight to stereotypes and it is EXTREMELY offensive!’
What’s next? Waiting for someone to complain that the 4th of July is offensive to those of British heritage.

 

Apparently a convoy of tourists in Afghanistan was attacked by the Taliban and at least six were injured. Shocking. There are tourists now in Afghanistan?

–

An 11 year old boy in North Carolina asked Mike Pence  “I’ve been watching the news lately and I’ve been noticing lately that you’ve been kind of softening up on Mr. Trump’s policies and words. Is this going to be your role in the administration?”
This kid has more cojones than most journalists, can one of the networks sign him up?

–

The man accused of killing nine African-Americans in a Charleston church was apparently attacked and beaten today by a fellow inmate in jail today. “I feel so sorry for him” said no one.

 

If someone had written a novel about @realDonaldTrump’s Presidential campaign it would have been rejected by editors as too unbelievable.

–

 

#‎RussellWestbrook‬ reportedly deleted ‪#‎KevinDurant‬‘s farewell text to him. So “You had me at good bye?”

–

A young man with “mental health issues” in London is apparently responsible for fatally stabbing one woman and injuring several other people. Can only imagine had he been in the US with access to guns.

 –
Sad, a knife attack in London has left 1 dead and several injured. A 19 year-old man is in custody. While terrorism remains a possibility,” the police say “mental health was a significant factor.”
“Mental health?” No race or religion to blame? Well, carry on then…

 

–

 

From Gerry. W., a fee that could make airlines millions,  and that many travelers would actually  applaud:   http://www.cbc.ca/beta/comedy/funnystuff/air-canada-to-start-charging-for-emotional-baggage-in-2017-1.3631162

Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 7 Comments

Make America’s good times roll again?

August 3, 2016

Picture forwarded from New Orleans friends, real sign in an upscale neighborhood.

 

SignOfTheTimes

 

 

The IOC is bringing baseball back for the 2020 Tokyo Olympic games. Just as well they didn’t have the sport in Rio, but meanwhile fans who want to see professional players in decrepit substandard stadiums still have the Oakland Coliseum.

(my friend Rich, who has been to  As games, disagrees, as Rio may have better sanitation.)

–

Johnny Manziel, who vowed he would get sober starting July 1, was reportedly seen drinking at a Southern California bar last weekend. Well, Manziel did say when he would start getting sober, he didn’t say when he would finish.

–

Two games after trade deadline, two crippling errors at 3rd base. The curse of ‪#‎Skeeter‬ ‪#‎MattDuffy‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

Bachelorette “winner” and former QB Jordan Rodgers has been cut by four pro-teams. But good news on the job front, Rodgers now says he will be an analyst this fall on the SEC Network. Well, this should stop any rumors he was on the show for the “wrong reasons.” ‪#‎sarcasm‬

–

For anyone who thought airline euphemisms were confined to U.S. carriers, I give you Emirates today: Flight EK521 “has been involved in an operational incident upon landing at Dubai International Airport”
“Operational incident? Guess it sounds better than caught fire and basically exploded upon landing.
(amazingly, no fatalities on board, but one firefighter died)

 

 

Sarah Palin’s son-in-law, Dakota Meyer, himself a Medal of Honor recipient tweeted “‘If @realDonaldTrump wants to be the Commander in Chief, he needs to act like one And that cant start until he apologizes to the Khans.”
When you get called out by a member of the Palin family, you just might have a problem

–

Some nutritionists with Olympic teams are worried about the potential unhealthy effects of the McDonald’s restaurant in the Olympic Village, which offers all its items free to athletes.
Well, this year the McDonald’s food is probably healthier than drinking the water..

–

#‎nottheOnion‬ Donald Trump, exhibiting his exquisite sensitivity again, this time about sexual harassment at work. ““I think it’s got to be up to the individual It also depends on what’s available. There may be a better alternative; then there may not. If there’s not a better alternative, then you stay.”

–

Joe Scarborough is reporting Donald Trump a few months ago asked a foreign policy expert “three times, in an hour briefing, why can’t we use nuclear weapons.”
The Trump campaign denies the report. Inclined to believe them. Why should we think the Donald would ask anybody anything?

–

New ‪#‎FoxNews‬ poll shows Hillary Clinton with a 49% to 39% lead over Donald Trump. Waiting for Trump to say arithmetic is a rigged concept

 

Apparently at a private GOP fundraiser George W. Bush was more critical of Trump’s policies that he has been about Obama. ‪#‎upsidedownworld‬

 

A study published in The Journals of Gerontology found that with married couples who were 50 and older, couples who drank had “decreased negative marital quality over time.” In short, they were less irritated with each other. Well, that calls for another glass of wine.

 

–

 

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: 6 Comments

The post Skeeter era is not starting out well

August 2, 2016

For the  SFGiants

 

So is ‪#‎Duffcat‬ a voodoo cat? And is he really ticked off @SFGiants traded ‪#‎MattDuffy‬?

–

Post ‪#‎Skeeter‬ what the Giants ‬ may really need is kittens. LOTS of kittens.

–

 

#‎SFGiants‬ scored twice as many runs for ‪#‎Madbum‬ as they had in his last 3 starts. Unfortunately he allowed as many runs as in last 3 starts

 

Well, looks like the ‪#‎Dodgers‬ are getting the same post-trade deadline “bounce” as the ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

 

–

UNC has responded to several serious NCAA charges including academic fraud by denying that the NCAA has authority to handle the matter. So are the Tarheels trying to join the SEC?

–

#‎JohnMcEnroe‬ threw out 1st pitch at Citifield before Yankees Mets game; he , was both fast & accurate. How many teams are bidding to add him to bullpen?

–

Lebron James says even though he brought a title to Cleveland with the Cavaliers, “My motivation is this ghost I’m chasing, The ghost played in Chicago.” (Michael Jordan.) Uh, Lebron, he’s not dead yet.

–

Who will regret their decision first – ‪#‎TheBachelorette‬? Or some ‪#‎MLB‬ team who made a major trade at the deadline? ‪#‎toosoon‬?

–

Dallas Cowboys LB Ronaldo McClain has been suspended for 10 games reportedly for “purple drank” – Sprite, cough syrup and codeine. So wonder if he will claim it was a tainted punch?

–

An AP review says there is the evidence for flossing is “weak, very unreliable” and “the majority of available studies fail to demonstrate that flossing is generally effective in plaque removal.”
So does that mean we’ve all been just flossing for the fun of it?

–

More resignations over the DNC email hacks today. But seriously, shouldn’t this be a reminder – you don’t post pictures of your junk, and you don’t put anything you wouldn’t want to see on the front page in an email.

–

Eric Trump, saying sexual harassment “should be addressed,” But regarding his sister, “Ivanka is a strong, powerful woman, she would not allow herself to be subjected to it,”
Can’t wait to hear the response when someone asks him about rape.

–

At a speech, @realDonaldTrump called for a crying baby to be removed. And later he fired the person who put the mirror on stage.

–

Longtime former Chris Christie aide Maria Comella, a Republican, “Donald Trump has been a demagogue this whole time, preying on people’s anxieties with loose information and salacious rhetoric.” She says she will vote for Hillary Clinton, adding that the GOP is “at a moment where silence isn’t an option.”
The Donald is going to have to hire a full-time aide to tell him who to send nasty tweets about.

 

Meg Whitman announced tonight that while she remains a Republican and “I don’t agree with her (Hillary) on very many issues, she would be a much better president than Donald Trump.” So Whitman will vote for, donate to and fund raise for Clinton.

So time to start a pool on which GOP figure will be next?

–

Seems like we just had ‪#‎4thOfJuly‬ & now it’s “‪#‎BackToSchool‬” sales Can ‪#‎Christmas‬ decorations be far behind?

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Skeeter, we hardly knew ye.

August 1, 2016

So SF Giants have decided they needed another starter more than they needed Matt Duffy.  But where is the cat to be named later?duffcat2

duffcat

Say it ain’t so. So long ‪#‎Duffy‬. But what will we do without ‪#‎Skeeter‬? ‪#‎Duffcat‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

 

So when he shows up, Yasiel Puig has been assigned to the AAA Oklahoma City Dodgers. Really, haven’t OKC sports fans suffered enough with losing Kevin Durant?

–

New game for ‪#‎MLBTradeDeadline‬ night “Where in the world is ‪#‎YasielPuig‬? ‪#‎Dodgers‬

 –
So shouldn’t anyone the Oakland ‪#‎As‬ pick up at ‪#‎MLBTradeDeadline‬ be known as a “player to be traded later?”
 –

 

So the Blue Jays traded today for Francisco Liriano, the Cubs have Joe Nathan, and the SF Giants got another reminder that their 2003 A. J. Pierzynski trade is the gift that keeps on giving.

–

In a West Virginia Walmart parking lot, a woman left her dogs in the car. They managed to get it out of park and the car ended up crashing into the store. For all that the dogs still probably drove better than some Florida snowbirds.

–

 

Apparently @realDonaldTrump is trying to reschedule Presidential ‪#‎debates‬. Presumably until about November 15?

–

One of Jeb Bush’s top advisors says she has left the GOP and will vote for Hillary Clinton if Florida is close. Uh, how will she tell if Florida is close? Using the same polling numbers that made Jeb think he had a chance?

–

Nice thing about ‪#‎BacheloretteFinale‬ tonight, when ‪#‎JoJo‬ makes a mistake between 2 imperfect choices, it doesn’t really affect USA future.

–

There are moments when I remember why I used to quite like Senator John McCain:

“I cannot emphasize enough how deeply I disagree with Mr. Trump’s statement. I hope Americans understand that the remarks do not represent the views of our Republican Party, its officers, or candidates I’d like to say to Mr. and Mrs. Khan: thank you for immigrating to America. We’re a better country because of you. And you are certainly right; your son was the best of America, and the memory of his sacrifice will make us a better nation — and he will never be forgotten.”

–

Question for ‪#‎JohnMcCain‬, so what exactly WOULD it take for you to say you are voting for ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ ‪#‎HowlowcanTrumpgo‬?

 

Lindsey Graham, on Trump’s remarks about the Khan family “This is going to a place where we’ve never gone before, to push back against the families of the fallen,”
And somewhere Ted Cruz is going “Don’t seem so bad by comparison now do I?”

–

Donald Trump has now been attacking fire marshals for turning away potential attendees to his events because they said the spaces he rented weren’t big enough. He is claiming it’s “why this country doesn’t work,” “a disgrace”, and “politics at its lowest.”
Well this should end well. ‪#‎passtheburntpopcorn‬

–

Once again the question gets answered. “Have you no sense of decency, sir? Trump, doubling down on criticism of the Khan family “Border security’s very big (for me.) You have radical Islamic terrorists probably all over the place, we’re allowing them to come in by the thousands and thousands. And I think that’s what bothered Mr. Khan more than anything else.

 

Donald Trump posted a selfie on his private plane with bucket of KFC chicken. KFC? Surprised he didn’t say Trump Tower had better chicken.

 

 

Donald Trump has signed a pledge saying he will fight internet porn if elected. Well, that’s one way to get rid of some of those pictures floating around of Melania.

–

Awful story from Austin, where a Redwood City, CA woman was fatally shot, and three others injured last night at closing time in the entertainment district. The alleged killer has a record for burglary and was arrested last month for unlawful possession of a firearm by a felon. But hey, it’s Texas, he was released without bail. ‪#‎ifonlyallthetouristswerearmed‬

 

Bus to hell moment: The (alleged) South Carolina church mass murderer’s attorneys filed a legal challenge to the U.S. death penalty tonight. Well, there is always convicting him, putting him in general population, and letting the problem work itself.

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: Be the first to comment

Newer Entries »