Archive for March 2012

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Mega Million Scraps of Paper…

March 31, 2012

Wonder how much money you would get for recycling all the non-winning lottery tickets from Friday….

For all those disappointed folks who spent money on Mega Millions and still haven’t given up on chasing the impossible dream, the Cubs are considering taking nonrefundable deposits on World Series tickets.

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For the sake of the U.S. unemployment rate let’s hope that millions of Americans did not tell their bosses off on Friday in anticipation of being lottery millionaires on Monday.

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The Mega Millions jackpot is up to $640 million. And President Obama may be thinking “Forget this mandate thing, we’ll come up with a system where if people buy health insurance we’ll give them a free monthly lottery ticket.”

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$540 mega-million lottery Friday. Newt Gingrich wonders if winnings are community property, Rick Santorum is thinking God will decide the lucky numbers. And Mitt Romney will say that the winner needs a tax cut.

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The SF Giants have a partnership with Virgin America, including a team plane, which has the Giants logo and a beard. Wonder if the New York Mets will partner with JetBlue. Both have a little trouble getting off the ground, and when they do, things can get a little crazy.

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A 26 year old Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader was indicted Thursday for allegedly having sex with a student when she was a teacher a local high school. She could face up to five years in jail. The boy’s friends may face hearing him brag about it for a lifetime.

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With all the “one and dones” at the top schools, shouldn’t we refer to this weekend’s Men’s NCAA Final Four as the “Championship for the NBA’s REAL D. League?”

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NY GOP Congressional candidate Matt Doheny, with a fiancee back home, was allegedly seen kissing a campaign consultant in Washington, D.C. On a brighter note for his campaign, at least the consultant was female.

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Aging legend Jerry Lee Lewis has married for the 7th time. Judith Brown, his new bride said “Everything just felt right. Neither of us feels like we’ve been married before.” Of course, in Lewis’s case, he now may not REMEMBER being married before.

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A misdemeanor domestic battery charge against Manny Ramirez has been dropped in Florida. Apparently because his wife refuses to cooperate with the investigation. That and the fact that few believe Manny can hit anyone anymore.

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Kate Winslet says hearing Celine Dion’s “My heart will go on,” makes her want to throw up. Well, that makes about 20 million and one of us.

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Congrats to Jamie Moyer,49, who made the Colorado Rockies, and will now be the oldest pitcher ever on a MLB Opening Day roster. Moyer’s next challenge, to become the first pitcher whose age is a higher number than his pitch speed.

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From T.C. Chong. “Jeremy Lin had lunch with fired reporter Anthony Federico today. Anthony apologized profusely for writing the now famous ESPN.com headline. Half an hour later, they ordered another lunch and the writer apologized again.”

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The Past is Gone…..

March 30, 2012

Because we cannot remember it?

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Aerosmith is touring again. Not to say the band is getting old, but their opening song may be “Walker this way.”

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Stanford 75 – Minnesota 51. Go figure. Not only was the Cardinal in the regular season not good enough to make the NCAA’s, they weren’t even close to the best Pac 12 team in the NIT.

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Jeremy Lin now says he “absolutely” believes divine intervention was at work in creating “Lin-sanity.” Which s basically what Tim Tebow says about his own success last fall. So what’s up now? Is God scouting MLB spring training for His/Her next project?

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Former Maryland coach Gary Williams told Washington radio station he thought the Kentucky Wildcats could beat the NBA’s Washington Wizards. Heck, these days the Washington Generals could beat the Washington Wizards.

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For comedy-writers trying to write bipartisan jokes, happy days are here again – Joe Biden is back on the campaign trail. Today referring to community college president Dr. Terry Paper in Iowa as “Dr. Pepper.”

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Millions of Americans are lining up to buy tickets for the $540 Mega Millions jackpot this Friday. Makes sense, these are the same people voting for politicians who promise lower taxes with zero cuts in services they care about.

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Omar Vizquel, 44, has made the Blue Jays roster for 2012. Jamie Moyer is sending his congratulations, adding “Omar is such a hardworking young man.”

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A company (J &D’s Foods) claims on their website that they are actually making a bacon coffin. “This genuine bacon casket is made of 18 Gauge Gasketed Steel with Premium Bacon Exterior/Interior.” Makes a certain amount of sense – be buried in what put you in the ground in the first place.

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A 29 year-old man was caught at Philadelphia Airport with fireworks in his carryon bag. Apparently it was determined he is not a terrorist. But wonder if they charged him with felony stupidity.

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The Donald, presumably bored with 2012, is predicting the next Democratic presidential primary, and saying “Hillary Clinton, I think, is a terrific woman. I just like her. I like her and I like her husband.” Is he angling for Clinton-Trump 2016?

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One problem facing Americans today is that it’s hard to tell the real news from the satire. (As in, is it the mainstream media, or the Onion?)
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The Marlins just released Aaron Rowand. Which means he’ll be getting about as many big hits for Miami as he did last year for the San Francisco Giants.

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Newt Gingrich apparently met secretly with Mitt Romney on Saturday. It could have been to talk about the race. Or maybe since Newt has been married now to his third wife Callista for 12 years, he just missed having secret meetings.
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“I’ll be here all week, try the truffle and caviar topped veal…”

March 29, 2012

Yep, he’s a laugh a minute. Mitt Romney has moved on to Wisconsin, where he told anecdotes to a crowd, saying “One of the most humorous I think relates to my father….” The story was about his dad closing a factory….

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Arlen Specter said today “Bill [Maher] had it exactly right; he said that Mitt Romney has changed positions more often than a pornographic movie queen.” Prompting immediate demands for an apology – from porn movie queens.

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Matt Kemp, on the sale of his team to a group led by Magic Johnson – “This is a pretty good day for the Dodgers.” True enough, but isn’t any day that gets Frank McCourt out of the owner’s box a “pretty good day for the Dodgers?”

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Unreal, Frank McCourt almost destroys a once-proud Dodgers franchise, and walks away with several hundred million dollars. What’s next? Someone will hire him to run an airline?

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Dwayne Wade is apparently writing a book on fatherhood, and said “For me, it was therapeutic to do this.” Impressive in this “one and done” age for NBA players. Not only that Wade can write a book, but that he knows the word “therapeutic.”

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In case you missed opening night (late night), by the time you read this, you’ve probably already also missed the 2nd game of the 2012 MLB Baseball season was televised live March 29 on MLB Network and MLB.TV with no blackout restrictions. At 2:00am Pacific Time. Thank you Bud Selig.

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Justice Scalia to Paul Clement, the lawyer arguing against “Obamacare” – “Is there any chance at all that 26 States opposing it have Republican governors and all of the states supporting it have Democratic governors? Is that possible?” Wonder if Scalia next asked if there was gambling in Casablanca?
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Bill Parcells, on the possible interim Saints coaching job: “Sean’s become a dear, dear friend. I’m trying to be a friend. If he needs me and the owner and GM feel the same way, then I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t consider it.” That and the Saints may be able to give him several million more reasons.

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One question after Romney’s latest “did he say that?” moment, i.e. telling a “humorous story” about his father closing a factory. So where does Mitt find his speechwriters?

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Tom Verducci of Sports Illustrated has made his predictions for the 2012 MLB season and he has the New York Mets in last place in the NL East with a 75-87 record. Longtime New York fans are shocked – Verducci actually thinks the Mets will win 75 games?

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It’s official, there will be an “Anchorman 2” starring Will Ferrell. I don’t know how to put this but I guess that’s kind of a big deal.

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From Marc Ragovin: New Jet Blue Slogan. “We’re Crazy About Flying.”

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Not In Tournament.

March 28, 2012

The NIT men’s tournament final will feature Minnesota against Stanford. If Stanford, generally considered the most academically-oriented team in this years tournament wins, will they be known as the “NIT-Wits?”

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Newt Gingrich is laying off about 1/3 of his staff. And no doubt he will blame the resulting unemployment increase on Obama.

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Does the men’s basketball NIT trophy have an image on it of a big fish in a very small pond?

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When Mitt Romney remodels his California beach house, he plans to install a separate car elevator. Will the elevator have room for dog crates on the roof?

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On the Tonight Show Tuesday Mitt Romney referred to Chris Christie as “indomitable” Many skeptical GOP primary voters commented, “See, how do you expect us to support someone who uses all those fancy foreign words?”

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As we approach the Final Four, many outside the state may not realize just how much Louisville and U. Kentucky hate each other. In fact, there hasn’t been so much animosity in Kentucky since two brothers both wanted to marry their same sister.

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In Dubai, they now have an “emergency pizza button.” It’s an electronic fridge magnet that you press that uses your smart phone’s bluetooth connection to send your regular order to your regular pizza place. Uh, two things, one, wouldn’t programming the number into your phone be as effective and, two, this sounds so lazy are we sure it wasn’t invented by an American?

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Arthur Blank, owner of the Atlanta Falcons, has come out in support of the NFL’s penalties for the New Orleans Saints, saying “I think he (Goodell) dealt with it appropriately.” Translation, the Falcons didn’t have bounties, and if we did, the records have been expunged.

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The province of Ontario, Canada, just legalized brothels. In related news, a lot of free agent players just added the Raptors and Blue Jays to their lists.

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The International Volleyball Federation says it will allow women beach volleyball players to wear shorts and sleeved tops instead of bikinis at the London Olympics. That crashing sound you just heard was advertising rates based on potential viewership falling through the floor.

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Sarah Palin’s comment about Rick Santorum’s swearing at that (sic)”liberal, leftist, in-the-tank-for-Obama press character.” : “It was good, and it was strong, and it was about time.” As usual Sarah, class, nothing but class.

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Okay San Francisco Giants fans, a friend reports that Aaron Rowand is batting 6-45 (.133) for FLA. It’s still spring training but sounds like Rowand is already in midseason form.
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Frank McCourt has agreed to sell the Los Angeles Dodgers to a group led by Magic Johnson for $2 billion. McCourt bought the team for $430 million in 2004, so even after running the team into the ground, incurring debt, a messy divorce,,paying lawyers….the guy will make several hundred million dollars. And according to the GOP Presidential candidates, he still needs a tax cut.

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A New York state of mind.

March 27, 2012

With the ebb and flow of Lin-sanity and now the Tebow-Sanchez potential made-for-TV drama, there’s good news for some New York fans. For at least some of this spring, the biggest circus in New York may not involve the Mets.

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After watching the Tim Tebow press conference: Have to wonder – the over-under on how many bad Mark Sanchez quarters/games it will take to have fans start screaming “Tebow, Tebow?”

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The U.S. men’s soccer U-23 team officially failed to qualify for the Olympics tonight. Thereby depriving Americans of a chance to scream “USA! USA” again this summer for a sport most otherwise don’t care about.

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Dominque Strauss-Kahn has been charged with involvement in a French prostitution ring. His lawyer denies wrongdoing and added that it is wrong to prosecute Strauss-Kahn for “simple libertine activity.” Responded Bill Clinton “Yeah, what he said.”

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Actual fight at end of Baylor-Tennessee women’s basketball game. Wow, if this sort of thing keeps up ratings may skyrocket.

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Bus to hell time. Bobby Brown has been arrested again, this time for alleged DUI’s. Many of Whitney Houston’s friends and relatives are just telling him it’s time to relax with a nice long bath.

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Some are now circulating a story that Trayvon Martin was the one who first attacked George Zimmerman. Not sure we will ever know exactly what transpired between the two of them, but one thing is certain – had Zimmerman just listened to the police dispatcher who told him not to follow Martin, none of this would have happened.

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Since it’s been three plus weeks since they merged with Continental, United Airlines has given up on saying “we’ve been experiencing high call volumes for several days.” Now their message to VIP flyers just says “We’re still experiencing high call volumes. If your call can wait please try back later.” Presumably like in 2013?

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Rick Santorum told a reporter yesterday ““Quit distorting my words It’s bullsh*t.” Now really, is that appropriate language for a potential president? Maybe Santorum really is running for V.P.?

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Jamie Moyer, 49, pitched four perfect innings against the San Francisco Giants in a spring training game this weekend. Which probably means either that Moyer is still a big league pitcher, that the Giants are still not big league hitters.

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Great line from Jim Caple at ESPN.com about Jamie Moyer trying to pitch this year in the big leagues at 49. “The scouts no longer point the radar gun at you, they just count “One Mississippi, Two Mississippi.”
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Rick Santorum – “If you haven’t cursed out a NY Times reporter during the course of a campaign, you’re not really a real Republican.” Does that mean President Obama’s not a real Democrat because he hasn’t sworn at someone from Fox News?

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Ah politics… So when Obamacare was introduced, Republicans said it was a tax, Democrats said it wasn’t. Now, the govt says the mandate is at least allowable under Congress’ power to tax. And the GOP says it is not a tax…

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NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell believes that the New Orleans Saints were the only team with a bounty program. Makes sense, just like Bud Selig acted like Barry Bonds was the only star steroid user in baseball.
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The Colts, still apparently undecided about their #1 pick, will fly Andrew Luck to Indianapolis for a private workout. Even Brett Favre is saying “Dudes, make up your minds.”

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Jimmy Carter has finally left the Southern Baptist Church, saying “The truth is that male religious leaders had – & still have — an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter. Their continuing choice provides the foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of womenthroughout the world.” You go, guy!

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No BFF’s here.

March 26, 2012

Rick Santorum now said Sunday that Mitt Romney is “the worst Republican in the country to put up against Barack Obama.” Think the odds on Rick and Mitt being running mates are now officially worse than those of the Cubs winning the World Series.

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A Miss Vancouver finalist hoping to become Miss Universe was disqualified after it was discovered she had been born a boy. Officials say that the rules require a “naturally born female.” This might be the first time “natural” and Miss Universe have been used in the same sentence.

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In a spring training outing today, Barry Zito gave up hits to nine of the 18 hitters he faced in 2 1/3 innings. Yep, it’s only March and Zito looks to be in mid-season form.

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File this under “Irony.” Florida governor Rick Scott, responding to a question about George Zimmerman now fearing for his own safety: Scott stated that there has been no formal request to provide protection, but that “if he feels unsafe, then we’ll make sure nothing happens to him.”

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Tiger Woods got his first PGA tour victory since 2009. And CBS and Masters executives are Tebowing.

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An interactive thought from T.C. “It’s been over 2 years since Tiger ended up on top after a PGA tour event. (Insert punchline here.)

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A new poll shows half of GOP voters wish someone else were running for president. Shocking. 50 percent are actually happy with the choices?

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Even Oregon football players are saying the Baylor basketball uniforms are ugly.

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After two anti-Tebow tweets, New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie now says Tim can help after all. Did he get a message from God, or Jets management?

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Economic stimuli come in all kinds of strange ways.This week has been great for the sales of Etch A Sketch’s and hoodies.

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The Texas Rangers are selling a two-foot long, one-pound hot dog for $26. Isn’t that the regular price for a hot dog at Yankee Stadium?

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Rick Santorum won Louisiana by over 22 points. Does this mean Mitt Romney is thinking, “Darn, I should have had a beignet?

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Overheard at airport, the new name for the merged United-Continental. “Con U.”

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The Supreme Court will hear arguments on Obamacare this week. Got to love it – the fate of the healthcare bill decided by nine men and women who have jobs and benefits for life.

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Have a heart…

March 24, 2012

Former V.P. Dick Cheney, 71, is recovering after successful heart-transplant surgery. It was the longest recorded instance of someone surviving so long without one.

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Rick Santorum is now backtracking on comments he made saying Republicans might as well vote for President Obama as Mitt Romney. Santorum’s been trying to explain away so many remarks these days, he’s not just trying to catch Romney, he’s trying to BE Romney.

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A man was taken into custody after he tried to climb the The New York Times’ 52-story headquarters. He said he wanted a copy of the newspaper. Police describe him as “emotionally disturbed.” Wow, said most young people – he wanted a newspaper?

(or has some friends have suggested, “what’s a newspaper?”)

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Ann Romney, defending De Niro’s first lady joke. “We’re all overreacting to so many things, & making things so difficult, which means we have to watch every single word that comes out of our mouth. We can’t be spontaneous. We can’t be funny.” And Ann should know- she is married to Mitt, who can neither be spontaneous nor funny.

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Newt Gingrich called Obama’s “If I had a son, he’d look like Trayvon” comment “disgraceful.” Illustrating again why Newt is qualified to be President, of his lunar colony.

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Now that the clock has struck midnight for all the tournament Cinderellas, many sports fans can start thinking again about the REAL appeal of March Madness – it ends the night before Opening Day. Play ball.

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Mitt Romney is trying to shrug off the Etch A Sketch comparison. Mitt thinks he’s much more of a Transformer.

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Rick Santorum called Mitt Romney a potential “Etch a Sketch” president. So then who’s Gingrich? The potential “Weeble” president? (Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down.)

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Final Jeopardy answer on Friday: “Scrabble.” For any under 30 readers that’s the rotary phone version of “Words with Friends.”

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Just when they almost have us convinced that baseball players are athletes… Joba Chamberlain, out indefinitely with an ankle injury from playing with his son.

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A USA Today headline says “Tim Tebow, Jets hoping to avoid Big Apple circus” I think Tebow has a better chance of breaking Drew Brees’ passing record.

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Tebow or not Tebow. That is the question.

March 24, 2012

Mitt Romney’s definitely done some job creation this week. At Ohio Art. They make Etch A Sketch.

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Drew Stanton, the New York Jets previously expected backup QB, has apparently asked to be traded or released. I think that has been arranged.

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I can see it now when Tebow arrives in the Jets locker room. Rex Ryan “So Tim, tell me again about Jesus and that foot washing stuff.”

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from Bill Littlejohn: “It was strange to see John Elway standing next to his QB and not having to smile through clenched teeth.”

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The most disappointed fans with Bountygate have to be in Washington. Had it only been the Redskins found guilty instead of the Saints, maybe Goodell would have suspended Dan Snyder.

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Today’s example of how if aliens land they will conclude there is no intelligent life on this planet: http://now.msn.com/now/0322-romney-vs-birthers.aspx

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Rick Santorum, talking about his opposition: “If they’re going to be a little different, we might as well stay with what we have instead of taking a risk of what may be the Etch A Sketch candidate for the future.” When this campaign is over, Santorum may have a job waiting for him – on the Committee to Re-Elect the President.

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Newt Gingrich, on why he is still running -“”I’m staying in the race because I believe we ought to have a conservative who’s serious, who’s had national achievements and who doesn’t write his policy on an Etch A Sketch and zig-zag back and forth wildly.” Maybe so, but the GOP is still looking for that candidate.

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Pat Robertson on football:”Peyton Manning was a tremendous MVP QB, but he’s been injured. If that injury comes back, Denver will find itself without a quarterback — and in my opinion, it would serve them right.” “From your lips to God’s ear” responded other AFC West fans.

(Have to wonder why Robertson is so upset about the trade. Is he a Broncos fan or a Jets fan?)

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The Milwaukee Brewers have announced they will dedicate a statue of Bob Uecker on August 31. The statue will presumably be placed “just a bit outside” Miller Park.

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When you’re a Jet….

March 21, 2012

The New York Jets already overpaid for Mark Sanchez. Now apparently they’ve got Tim Tebow too? And late night comics are saying “Thank you, Jesus.”

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Let the fireworks begin. Tebow to the Jets for a fourth and sixth round pick. Where with Tim’s is 47.3% career completion percentage, he will be backup presumably to Mark Sanchez, with his gaudy 55.3% rate. I can hear those happy fans already.

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You cannot make this “stuff” up. A Romney staffer was asked about concerns that Romney was going too far to the right to appeal to moderates: His response: “Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes. It’s almost like an Etch-A-Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all of over again.” Well, at least he’s honest.
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VCU men’s basketball coach Shaka Smart turned down the head coaching position at Illinois. Maybe he’s holding out for a high level amateur team closer to Richmond, like the Washington Wizards.

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In Miami Beach, an impatient woman driving an SUV sped up to cut in line in a gas station and accidently ran into the pump. The gas pump burst into flames, destroying itself and the SUV. The sad news, the driver survived unharmed.

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A woman engrossed in trying to change an appointment on her phone actually fell into Lake Michigan. (She was rescued by her husband and a passerby.) Seems like Apple needs a “common sense” app.

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Now that Mitt Romney is, by his spokesman’s own statement, the “Etch A Sketch” candidate, here’s a historical pop culture lesson for anyone under 30: An “Etch A Sketch” is kind of like an iPad drawing program that you shake instead of hitting “delete.”

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Who are these guys? Stanford men’s basketball team destroyed an NCAA bubble team (Nevada) 84-56 tonight in the NIT quarter-finals.

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And just think, if this were BCS run college football instead of basketball instead of this admittedly second-tier tournament run, based on Stanford’s regular season fans could have watched the Cardinal against someone like N.C. State in the Dec 18 “Some company you’ve never heard of” bowl.

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Got to love it. At Stanford Shopping Center, an upscale open-air mall, there are several close-in parking places near the handicapped spaces “reserved for McDonald’s customers.” Uh, folks, if you eat less McDonald’s you’re less likely to end up needing the handicapped spots.

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ESPN just said “New York hasn’t seen anything like Tebow-mania.” Well, at least not since last month.

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Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from Jersey Shore has entered rehab for substance abuse. His first task in the 12-step program – learning to count to 12.

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Not that I would ever accuse Roger Goddell of favoring image over substance. But have to wonder, was it a coincidence that the Saints’ punishment was announced just after Peyton Manning finally made his decision? (And a day before NCAA March Madness starts up again.)

Just also wonder, what would have happened if Alex Smith hadn’t done his two minute Superman imitation in the playoffs, and the Saints defeated the 49ers, Giants and Patriots….

But let me guess, Sean Payton and company haven’t been watching the news for the past 10 or so years???? Clinton, Sanford, Weiner, Martha Stewart etc…..The coverup always gets punished worst than the crime. Even Richard Nixon somewhere has to be muttering “What were you THINKING?”

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Between brackets.

March 21, 2012

No NCAA men’s basketball tournament games until Thursday. Oh the horror. Millions of Americans wlll have to go into the office and actually work.

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Peyton Manning has signed with the Denver Broncos. And Alex Smith has apparently re-signed with the San Francisco 49ers.Coach Jim Harbaugh says their relationship is “strong.” Got to love it – “Yeah, that really hot babe turned me down, but of course I love my wife.”

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Consumer Reports says that the new Apple iPad temperature can hit 116 degrees. So if you can’t find your iPad, look under the cat.

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The Situation from Jersey Shore has checked into rehab. Wow. Add that to Snooki being pregnant, and liquor stores in New Jersey may be forced to declare a state of emergency.

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The Memphis Grizzlies signed Gilbert Arenas. Guess they figured despite his past issues it was worth taking a shot?

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Santorum wonders why he lost Illinois. Uh, Monday’s statement: “I don’t care what the unemployment rate is going to be. It doesn’t matter to me.” Makes “I don’t care about poor people” sound almost statesmanlike.

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Romney wins Illinois. Maybe those in the “Land of Lincoln” just figured “Honest Abe” would haunt them forever if they actually voted for Santorum or Gingrich.

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Apparently the premier of DWTS had the worst ratings ever. Not enough controversy…. Say, where’s Donald Trump when you need him? Or for that matter, maybe the producers should ask Callista Gingrich….she’s not doing much that’s useful these days.

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At an Obama fundraiser, Robert De Niro (who is married to a black woman), told an inappropriate joke about America not being ready “for a white first lady.” Newt Gingrich has demanded he apologize. So maybe De Niro should have said “America’s not ready for a first lady who’s a third wife?

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Anyone else notice that this election season seems to be bringing out more loonies than normal? Well, Hillary Clinton may have put cracks in the glass ceiling but Rick Santorum and others have shattered the glass straitjacket.

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According to ESPN, the University of Southern Mississippi has revoked scholarships for (and removed from their band), 5 students who heckled a Puerto Rican Kansas State player during a NCAA basketball tournament game last week. Strong message. Now if schools would only discipline athletes that way.
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The Stanford men’s basketball team came from 11 points down with 9 minutes to play to beat Illinois State and advance to the Not-Quite-Elite Eight of the NIT. So friends, the wall is open. What does one do with a potential NIT banner?

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Another thought on that proposed Tennessee law that would publicize the names of abortion doctors and detailed personal information on the women having the procedures. Where’s the rider also to include potentially identifying details on the men who got those women pregnant?

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Boys will be boys. (And girls will try to be boys?).

March 20, 2012

The #3 seeded Miami Hurricanes’ women’s basketball team has suspended star senior guard Riquna Williams, for “conduct detrimental to the team.” Who said women’s basketball would never catch up to the men’s game?

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Meanwhile, in an overtime thriller, the Stanford men’s basketball team knocked off Illinois State to advance to the Sweet 16 of the NIT….. Yeah, okay, winning is great. But Sweet 16 of the NIT? Isn’t that an accomplishment on par with making it through the first round of the Bachelor. Or winning a straw poll in this year’s GOP primary?

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Peyton to the Broncos. Alex Smith talking to Miami. That might leave for S.F…. Tim Tebow To paraphrase an old joke, he could have 60,000 fans on their feet yelling “Jesus Christ.”

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Got email invite to follow John Kerry on Twitter, where the email adds “And hey, it’s a rare chance to see a United States Senator struggle to express thoughts in 140 characters or less!.” Well, it’s a safe bet we won’t be asked to follow Joe Biden.

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Yet another reason why those of us with XX chromosomes adore George Clooney. He had one phone call from jail, and when asked who he called, George replied “My mother. Some things never change.”

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The Mets, facing a lawsuit demanding up to $1 billion, settled with the Madoff Madoff for $162M. $162 million? Why for the Yankees that’s a couple long-relievers and a utility infielder.

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Today in Illinois Rick Santorum said the issue in the presidential race is not the economy but an “oppressive government that’s taking away people’s freedom.” (Presumably he forgot to add, unless you are gay or a woman.)

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Spurned by Matt Flynn, Peyton Manning and maybe even Alex Smith, Miami has signed …. David Garrard. So this fall Dolphins fans can look forward to watchng Garrard make his debut at Chopped Liver Stadium.

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The Walt Disney Co. now says they will lose $200 million on “John Carter.” Wow. Does that mean there will be a movie-themed ride at Epcot?

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So does Peyton Manning’s decision mean the Broncos are the favorites to win the AFC, by a neck?

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New Orleans police have filed felony charges against Russell Brand for smashing a photographer’s iPhone last week. Brand says he intends to fight the charges. Wonder if prosecutors might accept a plea bargain if Brand promises to do the same thing in a few movie theaters and restaurants.

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A new bill in Tennessee would require the state to publish the names of each doctor who performs an abortion and the age, race, county, marital status, education level, # of children, and location of the woman having the procedure. Where’s the bill requiring similar information about men being treated for STDs?

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Headline about Demi Moore’s soon-to-be-ex signing up for Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic flights -“”Ashton Kutcher heading into space.”

Uh, isn’t he already there?

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From catfish to grits to pancakes……Mitt Romney today stopped in a popular Illinois diner today, saying “I need only one thing from you this morning — no two,” Romney said. “#1, I need some pancakes, and #2, I need you to go vote” Anyone but me hoping someone in Louisiana might offer him a Hurricane without saying what’s in it?

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Quote from Joe Biden. And okay, this had to be his speechwriters because it’s so succinct. But a great Obama reelection bumper sticker nonetheless: “Osama Bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive. Think about it.”

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Monday mourning brackets.

March 19, 2012

Anyone remember that Xavier-Cincinnati brawl back in December? Both teams now in the men’s Sweet Sixteen. Maybe the Pac 12 needs to schedule a few brawls.

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Actually there are four teams from Ohio left in the final Sweet Sixteen. Fans used to the Bengals, Brown, Cavaliers, Indians and Reds are thinking…..you mean we could actually win something?

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For the fourth time in their last five tournament appearances, Notre Dame (a 7 seed this year) lost to a double digit seed. Normally when Catholics are this embarrassed, priests are involved.

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On the other hand, there are 3 Pac 12 teams left in the NIT. Bringing up an interesting question -if you get an NIT championship banner do you hang it or use it to wipe down stuff in the locker room?

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The SF Giants’ Freddie Sanchez may start the season on the DL. Disappointing fans who hoped that on Opening Day he would be recovered and ready to be injured again.

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A recent Gallup poll shows only 35% percent of Republicans say they would enthusiastically support Romney in November. Not sure who’s more astonished, Mitt because he doesn’t understand why people don’t like him, or everyone else who can’t understand why 35% actually say they would vote enthusiastically for him.

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The President picked North Carolina to win it all in the NCAA men’s tournament. Now star Tar Heel point guard Kendall Marshall has a fractured wrist and may or may not be done for the tournament. Yep, once again, it’s clearly Obama’s fault.

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The wanna-be anti-education President in action again: Rick Santorum on ABC’s “This Week” referred to Puerto Rico as a “Spanish-speaking country.”

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Santorum then ended up with seven percent of the Puerto Rican vote. Wonder if he put it down to those “damned foreigners.”

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Give Mitt Romney credit. We’re into the second round of the NCAA’s and so far he’s avoided making any more embarrassing gaffes about being good friends with some of the team owners.

(my friend Bill D. says “Not so fast, maybe he owns a few schools.)

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What seemed less likely a year ago, the Dolphins inviting Alex Smith to Miami to talk? Or 49ers fans actually caring?

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Mitt Romney is attacking Obama on gas prices, and claims that the President only now advocates natural gas and increased U.S. oil drilling because of an “election-year conversion.” Well, if anyone’s an expert on conversions….

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Derek Jeter said he had a feeling that Andy Pettite, who just signed a minor league contract with the Yankees, wanted to end his retirement and pitch again. Maybe it was seeing Pettite wandering around in that Brett Favre jersey.

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Mario Mannngham, who signed with the San Francisco 49ers, tested positive for marijuana twice during his college days at Michigan. Wonder when Mario moves to Calfornia how long it will take him to get a prescription.

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Commie pinko thought about birth control: “We need to get off of that issue. In my view, I think we ought to respect the right of women to make choices in their lives and make that clear and to get back onto what the American people really care about — jobs and the economy.” Quote from that noted liberal Senator John McCain.

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Day of the Dead.

March 18, 2012

Day of the Dead is traditionally celebrated November 1, the day after Halloween, in Mexico. Wonder how often it also described the morning after St. Patrick’s Day.

Or this year, folks who had Duke, Missouri and Michigan in their Elite Eight.

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Quote of the NCAA men’s tournament so far from Norfolk State’s Kyle O’Quinn, after their upset of Missouri: “We messed up some brackets. We even messed up my bracket.”

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So we’re not even through opening weekend of the men’s NCAA basketball tournament, and already there are ZERO teams left in either the Pacific or the Mountain time zones. So for regular sports fans, it’s just like ESPN’s Baseball game of the week.

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Chaleo Yoovidhya, who created Red Bull, has died at the age of 89. Actually, the coroner says Chaleo died over a week ago, but his body just stopped moving.

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M Go Blue. San Francisco 49ers just signed former Michigan (and NY Giants) WR Mario Manningham. Gosh, why would they think they might have any use for such a star receiver?

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“I find it ironic that Republicans (like Santorum) are out there wanting less govt. and govt. intruding into our lives, but when it comes to moral issues they want govt. to legislate morality” Steven Hirsch, founder of adult entertainment company “Vivid Entertainment.” Nice work by Santorum to give a porn movie producer the moral high road.

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Rosie O’Donnell’s daily talk show has been cancelled. The response from most Americans – Rosie O’Donnell had a talk show?

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The NY Post reports that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries each would like an annulment instead of a divorce, the holdup being that each wants the other to admit to fraud. Uh, can we find them both guilty of fraud and make them go away?

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In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, Burger King is offering all customers on March 17 and 18 a free order of french-fries, complete with green Heinz ketchup. Let’s hope that last is just not five year old red Heinz ketchup.

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A story from an unnamed source says now that Romney was on McCain’s short list in 2008 for V.P., but after John famously forget how many houses he had (eight), a staffer “pointed out that we couldn’t go to the country with a Republican ticket that owned 14 houses between the two of them.” Well, in Mitt’s favor, he can count his homes. (Six.)

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Bad seeds?

March 17, 2012

For the first time in NCAA history, three teams with seed numbers 13 or higher won their first round games. Does this mean that weaker teams are getting better? Or that the seeding committee is getting worse?

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Although before experts from other fields, like politics, start really criticizing sports experts -how many political pundits had Rick Santorum in the GOP Final Four?

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Thieves apparently stole a 500-lb beehive from a Houston restaurant. The owner said it contained as many as 5,000 bees he was raising for their honey. Wonder if police will go after the crooks with a sting operation?

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So do those who had Missouri and Duke into the Final Four become honorary Irishmen for drinking on St. Patricks’ Day?
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The Cincinnati Bearcats blew all of a 19 point lead against Texas, but came back to win their first round game and are still alive. Wonder if they got a congratulatory call from Mitt Romney.

(added Alex Schubert, “At the beginning, Texas took more bad shots than Dick Cheney.”)

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A reporter asked Sarah Palin if she saw the Norfolk State game. Her response, “Don’t try to fool me, I KNOW Norfolk is not a state.

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Peyton Manning had said he hoped to make a decision by this Tuesday. It’s Friday…. “Atta boy.” said Brett Favre.

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ESPN is reporting that Peyton Manning also worked out for San Francisco 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh and took a physical for the team this week. Looks like Harbaugh is 1000 % behind Alex Smith.

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Rick Santorum is really getting aggressive in his campaign. When he saw an ad for the hit show “The Book of Mormon” his alleged response was “See, another example of intellectual elitism, Mormons read books.”

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300 people waited overnight in the rain in San Francisco for the newest iPad. And guess what gals, these guys are single.

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Kansas State guard Angel Rodriguez, who is Puerto Rican, says he has accepted Southern Mississippi’s apology and moved on. (Some students chanted “get a green card” at him during the game.) Wonder how many other Southerners heard the remarks and said “Makes sense, those foreigners are at least polite.”

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Dwight Howard, who made headlines earlier this year by asking for a trade, now says he also wants to stay next year with Orlando – ““I’m very loyal and I’ve always put loyalty above anything.” If this basketball stuff doesn’t work out Howard has a great future in politics.

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There’s a report that Rush Limbaugh actually has a new sponsor interested in his show – the Westboro Baptist Church. Well, birdbrains of a feather…. (Actually, I shouldn’t make that joke, it’s insulting to birds.)

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Mitt Romney says Rick Santorum’s plan is economic illiteracy. And Santorum responds “There you go promoting elite stuff like literacy again.”

Meghan McCain posed (with clothes on) and was interviewed for the April issue of Playboy. She calls herself “strictly ‘dickly'” and says, “I love sex.” Anyone else secretly hoping she connects with and starts influencing the Romney and/or Santorum kids?

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Rammed?

March 16, 2012

Open note to NCAA selection committee: Maybe you shouldn’t give VCU any more double digit seeds.

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For all starting early for Saturday, here’s a suggested St. Patrick’s Day toast – May your troubles last as long as your perfect brackets!

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During their NCAA game Thursday, Southern Miss. band members taunted Kansas State player Angel Rodriguez by chanting “Where’s your green card?” Racist and stupid yes. But what elevates this to a higher level of ignorance – apparently the students went after Rodriguez because they found he was from Puerto Rico.

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Not sure about this anti-education attitude of Rick Santorum. Someone asked one of his supporters what he thought of Murray State today, and the guy replied “Not sure when their primary is, but I’m sure the voters of Murray will support Santorum’s true conservative message.”

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The Portland Trail Blazers have waived Greg Oden — the #1 overall pick in the 2007 draft. On the bright side for Oden, he should be eligible for Medicare.

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Peyton Manning and the Titans met for over eight hours last night. Eight hours!? That’s longer than at least one of Brett Favre’s retirements.

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ESPN’s top 10 reason’s your team won’t land Tim Tebow: (My son Carey and I both have one), http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/story/_/id/7688839/readers-provide-top-10-reasons-their-team-land-peyton-manning

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Joe Nelson, a former Goldman Sachs employee from London (not the one who wrote the NY Times op-ed), has started a company making custom-fit condoms. Insert “covering a bunch of p***ks joke” here:

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In Lafayette, CO, near Boulder, police ticketed a man who is accused of tying his cat’s leash to a rock after the pet refused to go jogging. Wonder if they had to bring the ticket to the hospital while the guy was getting stitches?

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Rick Santorum says on his website now that a “wealth of research” now shows that pornography causes “profound brain changes, with widespread negative consequences.” If true this also shows strong cause why men should be banned from both Congress and the military.

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Santorum’s campaign is the latest to bring up the Romney vacation story. As his senior staffer John Brabender said ‘What the heck was he thinking, putting the dog on the top of the roof?’ Santorum, of course, would never make a dog ride on his car roof… a gay person or a single woman asking for birth control maybe.

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Rick Santorum, who was quoted saying English as the “main language” in Puerto Rico had to be a requirement for achieving statehood, now is backtracking from that statement and saying he was misquoted”

Santorum’s not trying to catch Mitt Romney, he’s trying to BE Mitt Romney.

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The Blunt-Rubio amendment says that if an employer or insurance plan has any “religious or moral objection,” then a health care service can be excluded from coverage. Okay, let’s leave sex out of this, does that mean if an employer has moral objections to drinking and/or smoking, can they can refuse to cover anyone’s resulting liver or lung cancer?

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From Marc Ragovin: Despite a string of losses in the primaries and trailing badly in the delegate count, Newt Gingrich has vowed to carry on to Tampa, and guarantees that he will be the eventual GOP nominee. Ya know, I swear that every time Newt speaks Callista’s nose gets a little longer.

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When I’m 64….

March 15, 2012

The “play-ins” are done. Am I the only person who wonders, with 64 teams and at least 30-35 games before tournaments, haven’t teams had a chance to “play-in” already?

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Well, we know why Rick Santorum hasn’t filled out March Madness brackets: He thinks being able to count to 64 is elitist.

(as my friend Rich points out, to say nothing of 68.)

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Mitt Romney told reporters he’s not “plugged in” enough to fill out a 2012 NCAA tournament bracket. Talk about out of touch, poor Mitt doesn’t realize the great American office tradition of March Madness decision making, “Eenie, meenie, minie, moe…, my best friend went there…. and hey, what a cute mascot….”

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At the half of their play-in game, it was USF 36, Cal 13. Did someone forget it was March and schedule a football game.

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Congrats to the Vermont Catamounts for winning their play-in game. The question for the night, without using Google, what is a “catamount.” And for you cat-haters out there, no it does not involve nailing pets to the wall.

(and no, for Romney fans it’s not like “dogamount,” – mounting your dog to the car roof.

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Despite what is clearly a bad situation, Newt Gingrich says he is staying in the GOP race. Newt might be doing better had he shown that kind of tenacity in sticking with his marriages.

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Open note to anyone watching USF dismantle Cal during the play-in game: The University of South Florida is in Tampa. (West of Orlando and about 200 miles north of Miami.). Floridians are better at sports than they are at geography.

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Courtney Robertson, who got at least temporarily engaged to Ben Flajnik on “The Bachelor” may apparently be joining “Dancing with the Stars.” Well, that ought to address all those rumors she was just in it for the publicity.

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A test program by TSA will allow the elderly to keep their shoes on at certain airport checkpoints, including O’Hare, Orlando and Portland, OR. Well, if he ever gets healthy that will make life easier for Greg Oden.

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American Idol contestant Jermaine Jones has been booted from the show for (relatively recent) past undisclosed arrests. When will these kids learn the basic rule – become a star first, and THEN you can get arrested.

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Rick Santorum told Puerto Ricans if they wanted statehood then they must make English their primary language. – “Like any other state, there has to be compliance with this and any other federal law.” I think I’m getting this, Santorum is for states rights as long as states do what he thinks is right.

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A new study says that men who eat a high fat diet may experience more than a 40% drop in sperm count. Yikes, does that mean Rick Santorum may want to outlaw KFC as birth control?

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So much for “play ball.” Parents of that Lennox (CA) Little League team that was saved by a $1200 from a local strip club have voted to refuse the money. (Idiots, IMHO.) Wonder how many fathers offered to return the donation, one dollar at a time.

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Mike D’Antoni resigned as coach of the New York Knicks. Clearly he could handle Linsanity better than Melo-ness.

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Rick Santorum on Mitt Romney: “It’s pretty sad when all you have is to do math instead of trying to go out there and win it.” Uh, has no one told Santorum that math will figure pretty heavily into the results this November?

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Dropping the balls

March 14, 2012

Syracuse star freshman Fab Melo has been ruled ineligible for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Gentlemen, start erasing your brackets.

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Iona blew a 25 point lead tonight in losing to BYU. Did they get their playbook from Mitt Romney?

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Barack Obama took U.K. Prime Minister to a play-in NCAA men’s basketball game tonight. Which Cameron said he enjoyed, although he originally thought “March Madness” referred to the Republican primaries.

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The Pac 12 has announced their next three conference tournaments will be in Las Vegas. Perfect. This way all those who bet on the NIT will have a chance to see their potential favorites up close and personal.

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Mitt Romney, in Southerner mode, talked about “Davy Crockett, who killed himself a bear, when he was only three.” Uh, Mitt, if you’re going to quote the song in the South it’s “kilt him a bar, when he was only three.”

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UCLA announced Tuesday that Ben Howland will remain on the job as men’s basketball coach. Translation, we’re already on the hook for paying him and who else would take over this mess?

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Anyone else think that “the Bachelor” Ben’s proposal to Courtney will turn out to be as lasting relevant long term as a vote for Rick Perry in the GOP primaries?

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A Delta jet was undergoing maintenance tests in Atlanta today when it rolled off a runway and down an embankment. Sounds like the tests went about as well as SATs go for SEC football players.

(actually the interesting question, apparently it was brake failure – but did the brakes fail, or did they fail to set the brakes.)

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Hyatt Hotels says that they will start installing new TV’s with internet capability in guest rooms, so guests can log into Facebook or email, or stream Netflix movies on their in-room screens. Great, this will mean one more thing in a hotel room besides the alarm clock I can’t figure out.

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A new bill in the California State Assembly proposes to ban violent fans from professional sporting events, although not from college and minor league games. Leaving aside the “how do they enforce it? question, have to wonder, why leave out a really scary group – some parents of Little Leaguers.

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Something airline passengers may not have heard before, the pilot asking “Is anyone allergic to penguins?” Two penguins flew on Delta today, in first class, from Atlanta to New York to attend the premiere of Discovery Channel’s “Frozen Planet.” No doubt they were better behaved than many children, and some adults.

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Rick Santorum is now accusing Fox News of “shilling” for Mitt Romney, and saying they don’t want him on their shows. Well, let’s see, MSNBC probably isn’t an option…but Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert would love to have him.

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President Obama’s women’s bracket has Baylor, St. John’s, Connecticut and Notre Dame in the Final Four. He must not be fundraising anytime soon in Northern California.

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The Dow closed up over 200 points, to 13,177.68 today. This is bad continued unemployment news – for Mitt Romney.

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From T.C. Paraphrasing Canadian Golfer Dan Halldorson about the NIT Tournament. Winning this would be similar to getting a trophy for “Tallest Midget”.

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Gentleman and ladies, start your brackets.

March 13, 2012

If you’re looking for someone’s predictions to copy for March Madness, may I suggest anyone but Harold Camping.

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President Obama said he is working on his men’s and women’s brackets. And Mitt Romney immediately condemned him by saying tax brackets for both are high enough already.

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So now that Linsanity isn’t helping anymore for the Knicks, what’s plan B? Is Bill Bradley available?

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Lennox Little League, in Los Angeles County, didn’t have enough money for this year until local businesses stepped in. Including a $1200 donation from the Jet Strip “gentlemen’s club” (aka a strip club.) So guess this means it will be “batter up,” after getting many fathers up.

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Mitt Romney, on the horrific shooting of Afghan citizens by a U.S. soldier, and what America should do now, said that he “wouldn’t jump to a new policy” because of a “deranged, crazy person.” Uh, some would say that in aping Santorum and Gingrich, that Mitt already has done that repeatedly.

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The success of the 49ers and Alex Smith last year was a joy for fans, but tough for local comedy writers. God taketh away and God giveth – Here comes Randy Moss.

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Stanford women’s basketball team is #1 seed in the NCAA tournament and heading for Norfolk. For those who don’t know how to pronounce the Virginia city, here’s the simple cheer they use in the South. (I used to live in Florida). “We don’t drink, we don’t smoke, Norfolk! Norfolk.”

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The owner of the Pittsburgh Power, an Arena Football League team, fired all 24 players during a pregame meal at an Orlando-area Olive Garden. For the men involved, it was the worst thing to happen to them at an Olive Garden, well, that didn’t involve actually eating the food.

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Former V.P. Dick Cheney cancelled a April speaking engagement in Toronto, because based on demonstrations during his Vancouver visit last fall he and his daughter decided “it was better for their personal safety they stay out of Canada.” Well, guess that means we won’t see Cheney in San Francisco any time either.

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A TCU football player charged with selling marijuana allegedly told a police officer that 82 people failed a team wide drug test in early February. Wow. Looks like the Horned Frog football program may really have hit the big time.

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The NCAA banned North Carolina football from the 2012 post-season, saying “This case should serve as a cautionary tale to all institutions to vigilantly monitor the activities of those student-athletes who possess the potential to be top professional prospects.” Well, all institutions who aren’t part of the SEC anyway.

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So when Peyton Manning makes his decision will ESPN air an “After the Final Rose” show?

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Surveys of likely GOP voters in Alabama and Mississippi found that only 12-14% believe President Obama is a Christian. Well, I suppose this does bolster Rick Santorum with his disbelief in the idea of evolution.

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Got to love this. United Airlines has had a special phone number for their most elite fliers when they are having problems with the United.com website. If you have post-merger problems and call it now, the message says “We are experiencing extended hold times, we suggest you use our website.”

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Rep. Cliff Stearns of Florida responded to a question from an elderly consitutent about Obama’s birth certificate by saying “The question is, is it legitimate? I think what Obama’s showing is a facsimile, but I think that debate probably is not enough just to impeach him.” Guess with the other Southern primaries this week Florida couldn’t let the loonie spotlight get away.

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Glee” star Heather Morris is the latest celebrity to have alleged naked pictures (allegedly from her phone) “stolen” and posted online. When will people learn, if you take your clothes off turn your phone off….

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Men can ignore these last comments: Ben to Courtney on the Bachelor, “you are my forever.” Or at least my for “until I see the videos of the show in March.”

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Watching Courtney on the Bachelor makes me realize that if this thing doesn’t work out with Rielle, John Edwards might have found his trophy wife soulmate.

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Anyone else think Ben’s proposal might have as much lasting relevance as a vote for Rick Perry in the 2012 GOP Primary?

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Madness time.

March 11, 2012

First day of moving clocks ahead really should be referred to “Stumble forward.” “Spring”ing takes a few days.

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And the worst thing for many Americans about this year’s switch to Daylight Savings Time – they won’t be at their best when trying to fill out brackets.

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At the All-Star Break the New York Knicks were looking like a team that could go deep into the playoffs. Now they’re looking like a team that would be on the wrong side of the NCAA tournament bubble.

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Brackets were announced Sunday for the March Madness NCAA Tournament. Which means at about a dozen schools you can still hear the screams already “We wuz robbed of a chance to be destroyed by North Carolina in the opening round.”

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So if a team loses in the play-in game, do they call it “one-half and done”?

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Western Kentucky University (15-18) is in the NCAA’s despite a losing record since they won their Sun Belt Conference tournament. Many college fans find this shocking that a team with such a lousy record is in the Big Dance. (In a bowl game, maybe.)

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New York Knicks losing their fifth straight, even with Jeremy Lin, Peyton Manning may be about to replace Tim Tebow in Denver. Maybe God just got tired of following sports?
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Later Sunday, brackets were revealed for the NIT. This year to be subtitled “The Pac 12 Invitational.”

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In the Cadillac Championship Sunday, Sergio Garcia shot a 12 on the par-4 third hole. Yes, a 12. It was the ugliest several minutes involving a golf club since Elin and Tiger’s 2009 Thanksgiving.

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From Gary M. “Mark Sanchez’s contract extension with the New York Jets: “Not bad for a QB whose college coach said Mark needed another year of college ball before he’d be ready for the NFL. Now he’s surprassed his USC salary.”

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Randy Moss working out for the 49ers? If he signs who wants to join a pool for the number of days before Moss causes a Harbaugh meltdown?

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Speaker of the House John Boehner says of Congress, “We got some of the smartest people in the country who serve here, and some of the dumbest.” Well, these days you’d probably get bipartisan agreement on the latter.

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Another response to the reproductive rights controversy: An Ohio state senator has a bill requiring men wanting prescriptions for Viagra or any other ED drugs to first see a sex therapist, receive a cardiac stress test and get a notarized affidavit signed by a sexual partner affirming impotency. I’m wondering why she doesn’t add “and promise that the sex would be for procreation.”

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For those who can’t find enough political wackiness in the GOP primaries, I give you this: A bill passed by the Florida legislature this week contained an amendment stating that it will once again be legal (after 45 years of a ban) to dye animals the color of your choice.

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Springing forward….

March 11, 2012

Rick Santorum sent his oldest daughter to Hawaii in advance of their state caucuses. Mitt Romney sent his son to Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands. So there’s a method to the madness in not having birth control, more offspring to campaign for you.

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A woman hiker survived for 3½ weeks in a New Mexico national forest before being found on Wednesday with just her cat and a blue sleeping bag. What’s more impressive, that she didn’t try to eat the cat, or that the cat didn’t try to eat her?

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Pat Knight, coach of Lamar, son of Bobby, in a rant two weeks ago “We’ve got the worst group of seniors right now that I’ve ever been associated with. Their mentality is awful. Their attitude is awful….” Since then the Cardinals have won six straight and are going to the NCAA Tournament. The GOP has asked if after the tournament Pat would be willing to coach their candidates?

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Regarding this As-Giants territorial rights issue, which has been dragging on for three years, Bud Selig says “it’s on the front burner.” Maybe, but if so Selig turned off the gas a long time ago.

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One year into the Pac 12, the Stanford Cal “Big Game” has been moved to mid-October (and Stanford-USC to 2 weeks before students arrive in Palo Alto.) And in their 1st year in the conference, Colorado probably knocked Arizona and maybe Cal out of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. But, hey, there are those television contracts.

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Not that I spend much time listening to Rush Limbaugh. But all these advertisers suddenly pulling spots after his recent comments about Sandra Fluke – have they ever paid attention to what he has been saying for years?

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Ellen Degeneres just gently spoofed “The Bachelor” on her show. Although had she wanted to, Ellen could have used the show, with its proposal at the end, as an argument against legalized heterosexual marriage.

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Sarah Palin is dismissing the movie “Game Change” as unimportant. Well, it takes one….

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Mitt Romney won the Wyoming caucuses with 47 % of the vote. Or with 47 votes? Not sure. Maybe it’s the same number.

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Rick Santorum won the Kansas GOP primary after Mitt Romney did not even campaign there. Guess Mitt couldn’t figure out anything nice to say about the height of the trees, or what Kansan food specialty he liked.

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The Jets signed Mark Sanchez to a $58.25 million five year contract making him the seventh-highest paid QB in the NFL. Sounds like New York has gone from Linsanity to Insanity.

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The Detroit Lions’ Ndamukong Suh was ticketed for driving 91 m.p.h. in a 55-m.p.h. zone this weekend in Oregon. Guess Suh also needs to learn not to stomp on the gas.

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Open note to anyone who thinks women in sports aren’t as tough as men: LSU women’s basketball coach Nikki Caldwell, who played for Tennessee during the 1990s, had her team lose in the SEC finals last Sunday night, gave birth to a girl, Tuesday morning, and will be back for the women’s tournament.

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