Posted tagged ‘Sarah Palin jokes’

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God’s will?

January 11, 2010

According to former McCain aide Steve Schmidt, Sarah Palin believed she was chosen as the vice-presidential candidate because it was “God’s plan.” If so, this is compelling evidence that God is a Democrat.

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In the midst of an NCAA investigation into major violations with the Trojan football program, Pete Carroll has resigned from USC. Which probably means that he has signed on as coach as the Seahawks. Either way he probably wasn’t going to end up with a bowl eligible team.

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NBC has announced that they will cancel “The Jay Leno Show” at 1000p. They intend to move it to a half hour program at 1135p. Actually the network announced this decision last week on Leno’s show, but nobody saw it.

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Hard-core Brett Favre fans watching the Packers-Cardinals game will say that the ageless quarterback would never have made that game-ending fumble. Of course not, he would have thrown a game ending interception.

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The first NFL Wild-Card game on Sunday started at 1000a Pacific Time. This meant a lot of fans on the West Coast ended up just sleeping through the first quarter of the Baltimore-New England game. Guess what? The Patriots did too.

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According to the University of Texas trainer, apparently Colt McCoy wanted to return to the BCS championship game but the injury had prevented him from “throwing with with the strength or accuracy he needed.”

This would, however, not have disqualified him from playing quarterback for the Raiders.

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For all those looking ahead to next week’s NFL playoffs (and yes, it’s true, there are no bowl games this week, finally), the Arizona Cardinals, after their 51-45 win against the Packers, will take their high-powered offense and somewhat-challenged defense on the road to New Orleans. And the Saints follow a pretty similar model. This could be the first NFL game ever with a triple digit over-under.

(note to casual or non betting fans- the over-under is a bet where you bet on how many TOTAL points will be scored by both teams a game.)
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On the Leno mess. In all seriousness. As someone who grew up looking forward to those times when I could stay up and watch the Tonight Show, mostly Fridays and school breaks, it seemed pretty obvious even then that it was the kind of show you watched before going to bed. I remember Carson talking in an interview about all the men who would come up to him and, thinking they were original, say, “Hey, Johnny, my wife undresses in front of you every night.”

And even when I watched the show, I didn’t always make it to the end. Nonetheless, it was a great way to end the day. Which leads to the problem. NBC claims the ratings for “the Jay Leno Show” weren’t bad, but the networks complained it was a terrible lead in to the news. In the words of Homer Simpson “D’oh”

Anyone who wanted a late night post news show was going to watch Conan or Letterman, because that’s the kind of show they wanted at that time. My guess is that a lot of people who watched Jay turned the set off afterwards and went to bed, and got whatever news they needed online or early am. It just doesn’t feel right to watch a relaxing and sometimes cheesy variety/talk show, and then turn on the local “Fire, weather and murder” show, aka the news.

Not that the Leno show ever really felt like it had quite jelled, but I think almost any similar show with any host would be a failure at that hour, especially in terms of being a news lead-in. IMHO.

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All booked up.

December 11, 2009

A new tell-all book, “The Politician.” written by a former aide and close friend of John Edwards is coming out in February. And Tiger Woods is looking into how much it would cost to have the book’s release date moved up to next week.

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Sarah Palin actually praised the President today, saying that his Nobel Peace Prize address reminded her about things she wrote about in her book. Except that Obama’s speech was in English.

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Give Tiger Woods credit for one thing….he has proved that given an interesting enough topic, most Americans WILL read.

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Despite barely avoiding an embarrassing upset against Nebraska after one second was put back on the clock, Texas football coach Mack Brown was rewarded with a raise to $5 million a year. I hope he shares some with the replay booth officials.

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As the holidays approach, police remind us that texting while driving is dangerous. Also texting while chipping, putting and walking the fairways. As Tiger Woods will attest.

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Paul McCartney now says his marriage to Heather Mills was a mistake. In related news, Adam Lambert is still gay.

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Anyone catch Barry Manilow on the Jay Leno Show? He looks like the love child of Clay Aiken and Keith Carradine.

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A judge today ruled in favor of TLC in their contract dispute with Jon Gosselin. So there is now a preliminary junction barring Jon from appearing on any other reality television shows. Bummer, said absolutely no one.

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And a little Toby Gerhart commercial. Some say that an previously unheralded running back from a school that was picked to MAYBE make it to .500 has no chance for the Heisman. Yeah, and how many people thought that Notre Dame would spend so much effort pursuing a football coach from the University of Cincinnati?

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Facebook updates:

November 17, 2009

Facebook updates of the day:

Jim Harbaugh is no longer friends with Pete Carroll.

USC and the BCS bowl games are no longer “in a relationship.”

Charlie Weis changed his relationship status with Notre Dame to “it’s complicated.”

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Coach Jim Harbaugh is taking some heat for his decision to go for a two-point conversion Saturday with Stanford leading 48-21. Guess it’s a good thing after the Cardinal went ahead 55-21 that they didn’t implement that onside kick plan.

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President Obama admitted during his trip to Asia, he has never used Twitter. Many Americans were shocked. Of course, no one expected that Vice President Joe Biden has used Twitter. There’s no chance he could get a thought down to 140 characters.

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How white is Sammy Sosa getting from that face cream? When asked about steroids he no longer speaks broken English, but he is saying that he doesn’t want to talk about the past.

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from Alex Kaseberg – to give you an idea how white Sosa is now, Sammy watched the entire broadcast of “The Country Music Awards.”

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Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams was fined $250,000 for an obscene gesture to Buffalo fans after his team’s win over the Bills. Well, at least that’s one bad thing that won’t happen this year to Al Davis.

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Of course, in Adams’ defense. He IS 86 years old. So maybe he was just trying to make the V for Victory sign, and couldn’t move his fingers.

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The University of Michigan admitted that football coach Rich Rodriguez failed to file the required NCAA forms tracking how much time his players spent on football including practice last year.. Well, I know rules are rules, but it’s not like any extra time did them any good.

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The way the Giants and Jets are playing, fans in New York are getting a glimpse of what it’s like to be Canadian Football League fans. Your season’s over before December.

Sarah Palin told Oprah that when John McCain first chose her as his running mate, she claims her biggest fear was that it would be exposed that she once got a D in a college course. And the last thing she wanted President Bush to think is that she was a braggart.

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And then there was one…. oops, two.

November 16, 2009

It looked like this Sunday night would see the ranks of the NFL unbeatens fall to one, the New Orleans Saints.

But then the New England Patriots made a surprising decision to go for a first down on fourth and two on their own 28 with a six point lead. Then a questionable, and unreviewed, spot of the football gave the Indianapolis Colts new life with two minutes to go. And they pulled out a 35-34 victory.

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So yet another controversial call goes in favor of an undefeated team. Is the NFL borrowing referees from the SEC?

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Despite another loss, this time to Pittsburgh, and a 6-4 record, Stewart Mandel of SI.com is still predicting a New Year’s Day bowl for Notre Dame. (Okay, so it’s the Gator Bowl, but it’s still worth about $2 million.)

But hey, the school has a reputation, and rich fans. If this projected Yankee Bowl comes to pass in the 2010 season, maybe the Fighting Irish could be permanent hosts?

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They’re still reeling down in Los Angeles. First the Rams, then the Raiders. Now with USC’s embarrassing drubbing at the hands of Stanford it’s looking like the city may have lost their last professional football team.

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It’s been quite a rough few weeks for USC. First a 47-20 loss to Oregon, then a 55-21 loss to Stanford. The last time anyone can remember things going this badly for the Trojans, a wooden horse was involved.

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“2012” was a huge winner at the box office, as apparently the idea of watching a major disaster movie appealed to a wide demographic. With the possible exception of moderate Republicans, who view it as a potential documentary should Sarah Palin run for the White House.

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Sarah Palin and her husband Todd married 7 1/2 months before their son Track was born. But Sarah now says she was “devastated” to find out her daughter was pregnant, as she didn’t even think Bristol was having sex. This from a woman who called President Obama “beyond naive?”
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What’s worse for Cowboys fans? A 17-7 loss to the Packers, that was a shutout until the game was almost over? Or the fact that they can’t blame this one on Jessica Simpson.

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The Who will be playing at halftime for the 2010 Super Bowl. Apparently they were suggested by Brett Favre, who thought the game should feature some young, modern acts.

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Actually, for fans who turn into the Super Bowl without paying much attention to the regular season, “Who Are You?” may be the reaction if they end up watching the Saints.

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Personal responsibility, ethics and other jokes.

November 12, 2009

So Carrie Prejean says she was “pressured” into having breast implants, and made a sex tape just to please a boyfriend. Now the former Miss California hopes Americans will buy her book where she talks about standing up for herself….

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Carrie Prejean says she’s been “Palinized,” and talked to Larry King about the “trials conservative women have to face.” Anybody beside me want to give Palin and Prejean a biography of Maggie Thatcher? Lesson one – “Don’t whine.”

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But maybe Larry King was just a little mesmerized by the former beauty pageant winner. He allegedly said afterwards that Prejean was the most impressive conservative woman he has interviewed since Carry Nation.

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Eliot Spitzer, the formerly disgraced, former Governor of New York, is now giving a lecture on ethics at Harvard. You know standards might be falling just a bit when ethical behavior means paying fair market value for a prostitute.

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But back to California, another of those stories you can’t make up – Damon Dunn, age 33, a former NFL player, is now running for Secretary of State. What’s one of the main jobs for the Secretary of State? Running elections. Mr. Dunn has never run for office before, but he says has voted, exactly ONCE. In 2009.

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Let’s see, Meg Whitman, running for Governor, admits to a voting record that is spotty at best. Carly Fiorina, running for Senate, has probably voted even less. And now Damon Dunn, running for Secretary of State, has voted exactly once. What’s the Republican plan here, saving money by eliminating ballots and returning to a Monarchy?

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Or perhaps Whitman, Fiorina and Dunn considering their lack of voting another example of the superiority of the private sector. Why vote when you can just buy the winners?

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Mike Tyson was arrested at Los Angeles International Airport for punching a photographer at the United Airlines ticket counter. Which was really surprising. Normally the only people who make people want to punch them at the airport work for the airlines.

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Major League Baseball has started announcing all their awards – Gold Gloves, MVPs, Cy Youngs, etc… Or as the New York Yankees call them – our shopping list.
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the next two are a little tacky. In case by some accident there are people with delicate sensibilities reading this blog. (Hah)

Carrie Prejean, dropped her lawsuit against the Miss California pageant when attorneys revealed an explicit video of Prejean performing solo sex acts. As Alex Kaseberg said “Let’s just say it looks like Prejean took it literally when pageant officials told her to go screw herself.”

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But maybe we should give Ms. Prejean the benefit of the doubt. She believes in traditional marriage. Which for a lot of people after a few years ends up meaning solo sex. Maybe it was a training video.

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Finally, back to sports from Bill Littlejohn. “Well, looking at Sammy Sosa’s skin lately, it’s obvious he’s still comfortable around the bleachers.”

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Referees and rogues.

September 30, 2009

The NBA plans to open the preseason tomorrow with replacement referees. The players are appalled, what if the inexperienced refs do something drastically different – like call travelling.

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The newest college football bowl game, starting in 2010, will be the Yankee Bowl, at Yankee Stadium. Fans interested in tickets are encouraged to start taking out loans now.

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The Yankee Bowl will be the 35th in the Football Bowl Subvision (aka D1), which means that 70 out of 120 Division 1 teams will see post season action. Who does the NCAA think they are – the NBA?

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The Yankee Bowl may also have a parade. If so, a front-runner for the grandmarshall’s job has to be Alex Rodriguez. Since the grand marshall’s role is generally the same as A-Rod’s in the postseason – doing absolutely nothing.

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The tabloids are full of the rumors that Khloe Karadashian’s wedding to Lamar Odom may have been a fake. When asked, 20 percent of Americans said they believed it was real, 20 percent said it was a sham, and 60 percent said “Who the heck is Khloe Kardashian?”

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Sarah Palin finished writing her book – “Going Rogue” -ahead of schedule, and it will be released November 17. Not to be outdone, Joe Biden is working on his own book. And he is almost finished with page 300. Of the first chapter.

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Sarah Palin’s book, before publication, is already number one on Amazon.com’s list. In fact, the book is selling so well that the Kennedy family is thinking of subtitling Ted’s posthumous memoir “Going Brogue.”

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Sarah Palin’s book is already number one on Amazon.com’s sales list. Of course, many of these books are no doubt being purchased as giveaways to be used for political propaganda. By the Democrats.

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Palin’s part of the book is finished, now apparently the publisher is rushing to do the final editing, including fact checking. Why start now?

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University of New Mexico administrators are investigating a fight where football coach Mike Locksley allegedly struck an assistant. The coach could be suspended or fined. Or worse yet, he could be sentenced to coach the Oakland Raiders.

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A study at the University of Chicago says that playing sports makes people smarter. Of course, the number one sport at the University of Chicago? Chess.

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A study at the University of Chicago says that playing sports makes people smarter. And if there’s any University where they should really know sports….. oh, never mind.

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Great comment from Alex Kaseberg. “Wow, can you imagine where Michael Vick would be if he hadn’t played football.”

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A recent study showed a higher incidence of dementia among men who played NFL football. Presumably one of the first clues was “signing with the Oakland Raiders.”

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Out of the mouths of idiots? On the new Jay Leno show during the “Battle of the Jaywalk All Stars, Leno asked “Who elects the president?” One gal answered “Florida.”

Commie pinko alert:

Ted Kennedy would be appalled at all of this bad behavior, but really, what’s the difference between “die quickly” and “death panels?

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And the Sarah Palin beat goes on.

July 12, 2009

Far from leaving the stage, Sarah Palin is front and center in the news after resigning s Alaska’s governor. Even Brett Favre says – “Doesn’t that woman know when to quit?”

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Rumor has it that retiring Governor Sarah Palin may run for in a special election for Congress in Alaska. Makes sense, in Congress, serving two years in a full term.

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What would be Palin’s campaign motto. “When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping?”

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Actually, Palin said she plans to campaign nationally for other candidates, including if they share some of her views, potentially Democrats. Though, really, hasn’t.she done enough for the Democratic party already?

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Indeed, Palin has received a great deal of support for her statement that she is willing to campaign for Democrats. Most of it from Republicans.

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Steve McNair was killed by his girlfriend, Arturo Gatti was allegedly killed by his wife. If this keeps up, it may not be the scariest thing for male pro athletes to decide they are gay.

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Or,

Steve McNair was killed by his girlfriend, Arturo Gatti was allegedly killed by his wife. Who knew, the pro athlete who got off cheapest might have been Kobe Bryant.

Mary Matalin said today that Dick Cheney is not Darth Vader. Of course Cheney is not Darth Vader. Cheney is Voldemort.

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Today was the All Star Futures game, a showcase for young players who hope some day to play for major league teams. Which is a great opportunity for kids on Triple A teams and the Washingtion Nationals.

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Researchers have found that monkeys on severely calorie restricted diets live longer, Which is good news for men who hope someday to live in nursing homes with geriatric super models.

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And I am just returning from a weekend in Canada. Where codeine is available without a prescription, but it takes months to get a permit to buy a gun. Think the U.S. just MIGHT have gotten this backwards?
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Manny and Sarah and Mark, oh my…

July 8, 2009

Manny Ramirez was ejected in the fifth inning of his fourth game back from his female fertility drug suspension. The Dodgers outfielder apologized afterwards, but explained that it was “that time of month.”

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Regular Bachelorette watchers are celebrating Monday as the night that Wes finally was finally kicked to the curb. For anyone who hasn’t watched the show, and has no desire to do so, all you need to know is this – Governor Mark Sanford would proclaim the man a sleazeball.

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In a recent poll, seven out of ten Republicans say they would like to have Sarah Palin as their presidential candidate for President in 2012. Who says there is no bi-partisanism in Washington? President Obama added “Me too.”

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Major League Baseball is filling their last two All-Star spots by an online voting system, in which fans are encouraged to vote as often as possible. For some unknown reason, none of the five choices in either league are from Chicago.

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Okay, John Edwards, Dick Cheney and now Sarah Palin. Hard to believe that the least embarassing V.P. candidate in recent memory is Joe Biden.

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Still also hard to believe Sarah Palin resigned Friday as Governor of Alaska. Who’d have thought her chances of being President would be buried before Michael Jackson?
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RNC chair Michael Steele says that he doesn’t think Sarah Palin can run for president in 2012, because he thinks “she’s trying to focus on getting her house in order.” Not to mention keeping an eye on all those Russians.

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Utah Senator Orrin Hatch wants the Justice Department to investigate the BCS for antitrust law violations. Well, and why not? It’s not like Congress has anything more important to worry about.

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Baseball, Sarah Palin, and other bizarre stories.

July 4, 2009

So the San Francisco Giants have three Cy Young winners (Randy Johnson, Barry Zito and Tim Lincecum) on their team. Plus a likely future winner in Matt Cain. And their best starting pitcher over the last week has been… Ryan Sadowski?!!

(for non hardcore baseball fans, 26 year old rookie, 2 starts, 2 wins, O runs.)

With all these adoring fans cheering Manny Ramirez’s return, will this baseball season in Los Angeles be subtitled “How I learned to stop worrying and love the asterisk?”

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And for those who find the Ramirez story is too heavy a dose of reality, and that Mark Sanford isn’t bizarre enough, thank you Sarah Palin.

But give soon-to-be former Governor Palin credit for a good sense of timing. Her rambling, disjointed resignation wasn’t even the most embarrassing speech given by a Governor this week.

Sarah Palin said in her speech “you have to know when to pass the ball.” And Kobe Bryant responded, “Not exactly.”

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So what made Sarah Palin decide to step down? Not like the job has been taking up that much of her time lately. Seems like she has racked up more frequent flier miles than any Governor not named Sanford.

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Sarah Palin is actually stepping down with over a year and a half left on her term. Hard to say who was more disappointed? Her remaining fans, or folks in California and South Carolina that it wasn’t THEIR governor.

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In case Sarah Palin’s people are reading this blog….

June 16, 2009

I am happy to apologize for the next joke. Hey, it should boost my ratings.

David Letterman has apologized for the “bad joke” he made about Sarah Palin’s daughter. Wonder how long it will take John McCain to apologize for the bad joke he made in putting Governor Palin a potential heartbeat away from the presidency?

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And while Letterman apologized to Palin for the “knocked-up” joke, how about another apology to all those people out there who are struggling with apparent infertility – like Manny Ramirez?

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The 16-45  Nationals are reportedly planning to fire their manager Manny Acta.  Yep, with a record that bad in Washington you really can’t expect to keep your job. Unless you get re-elected.

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Credit for finding this tidbit goes to  Zev Karlin-Neumann.  It’s so good to know that when the country is facing crises on all fronts, that our top legislative body is focused on the important things.

Maine Republican Senator Olympia Snowe used her time on the Senate floor  “to commend Barkwheats Dog Biscuits,” which are made with “ginger and parsley” to get rid of “doggy breath.” 

No word on if conservative Republicans threatened to filibuster the commendation.

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The city of Los Angeles is trying to raise $900.000 to throw a victory parade for the Lakers after they won the NBA championship.  Well, that’s one budget expense they won’t have to worry about anytime soon in New York.

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Michael Phelps has a new book out titled “How to Train with a T. Rex and Win 8 Gold Medals.”  A somewhat nonsensical title.  Wonder if the sequel will be “How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bong??”

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Is anyone running Alaska?

June 8, 2009

Governor Sarah Palin is making San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom look like a homebody.

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Actually with all Sarah’s travel should we  as Americans be worried about Russia?  Because Governor Palin isn’t in her house enough these days to watch them.

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Governor Sarah Palin is travelling around the country claiming that  President Obama is  wasting taxpayer dollars with his expensive ideas. And this from a woman who went to New York and attended a Yankees game?

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Laura Bush says that her husband feels he owes some courtesy to the new President,  and thus won’t try to do or say anything to embarrass  Barack Obama. Besides,  Joe Biden is doing such a good job of it.
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As the NBA playoffs finally creep to a close, who knew that the Lakers might someday be known as the “Boys of Summer?”
 
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Rookie Marlins pitcher Sean West nearly no-hit the Giants Monday night. But really, isn’t no-hitting San Francisco’s lineup this year like winning a hot-dog eating contest with super models?
 
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The Minnesota Vikings have apparently issued an ultimatum to Brett Favre to make up his mind.  Actually Favre is great at making up his mind.  And then remaking it, and remaking it, and remaking it…
 
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Randy Johnson, 45, agreed to pitch on 3 days rest today for the San Francisco Giants against the Marlins.  Which no doubt was an act of valor designed to help the team.  And I am sure there was no chance that the fact he feels betrayed by Arizona management had nothing to do with it. 
 
 Because had the Big Unit taken his normal rest and pitched in Phoenix, it would have been a huge draw for the Diamondbacks, as no doubt thousands of fans would have bought last minute tickets and showed up to cheer their former pitcher for his first start after his 300th win.   Thousands more than would pay to see Cain,  Zito or Sanchez.     Nah, I’m sure that didn’t enter into his mind at all…

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See Sarah run, See Sarah write

May 15, 2009

Sarah Palin has signed a contract to write her memoirs.  Presumably the book will be illustrated with pictures of Russia taken from her house.

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Governor Palin said she is writing the book in part because she is tired of the media exploiting her family.  Apparently she’s decided it’s time  to go back to exploiting her family by herself. 

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In the meantime, Elizabeth Edwards’ book, and her book tour, seem to be doing a good job of sinking any future political career John might have.

Instead of  “Stand by your man,” it’s more like “Stand on your man.”  In stillettos.

 

Detroit running back Kevin Smith has guaranteed the Lions would make the playoffs next season.  Maybe he meant the B.C. Lions?

 (note to Americans on the above joke, the B.C. Lions are a CFL team from Vancouver.)

The Cincinnati Bengals will be featured on the HBO series about training camps  “Hard Knocks” this fall.   While some in Cincinnati are nervous about the reality show, at least it’s an improvment over the Bengals’ previous performance, on “Hard Time.”

Or-

At least it’s an improvment over the Bengals’ previous reality show – “Cops.”

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As the Obama administration deals with the torture issue, some are floating kinder, gentler, versions of interrogation that might be as effective as waterboarding…

For starters,  nonstop playing of “Ishtar” and “Waterworld”  in detainees’ cells,  or perhaps DVD replays of “the View,”  or perhaps just having Joe Biden come in to say a few words,

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President Obama has decided that his administration will not torture.  And in keeping with that decision, he won’t put detainees through anything he wouldn’t go through himself.  Which means that soon, anyone held and suspected of being a terrorist by the US will have their mother-in-law invited to stay with them.

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First pitches of 2009

April 8, 2009

So Former President George W. Bush threw out the first pitch at the Texas Rangers’ opener.

Presume it was a pre-emptive strike.

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Ted Kennedy threw the first pitch out in Boston.    My sense is that at this point, though he didn’t get much on the pitch, it broke sharply to the left, and most would say it improved with age.

 

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But while we’re at it, how about the hypothetical first pitches?

 

Like Sarah Palin’s?  Much hyped, less impressive in the actual delivery. Despite the fact that she apparently was a winner in  the Alaska League.

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At the San Francisco Giants home opener at A T and T Field, US Air pilot Sully Sullenberger throw out the first pitch. (This is for real.)

Presume it was a splash hit.

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And Citigroup executives’  first pitch at Citi Field?  Presumably in need of taxpayer help to make it across the plate.

 

More to follow, suggestions encouraged.

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Beyond the madness…

April 6, 2009

Fans of 24 and Jack Bauer had to decide between watching the show tonight or  the NCAA basketball tournament.  Either way, for fans of the Michigan State Spartans, torture was involved.

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On the other hand, the last time Michigan State played North Carolina, they lost 98-63.  So 89-72 doesn’t look so bad.  

A 35 point loss down to a 17 point loss.  Sort of like most people’s 401ks

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President Obama, by the way, picked the UNC Tarheels to win it all in his ESPN brackets.  Well, heck, now that he’s got that under his belt the economy should be a snap.

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The Oregon State Beavers , for anyone who missed it,  won the second annual CBI (Can Buy In) tournament this past weekend.  And for those who mock the tournament, the winning Beavers’ coach IS pretty much a lock to be invited to the White House.

(for anyone going, “huh?”,   the new Oregon State coach this year is Craig Robinson  – Michelle’s brother.)

 

 

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Levi Johnston claims that he and Bristol had sex at her home,  something Governor Palin angrily denies.  Yeah, apparently Sarah can see Russia but she isn’t so good about what’s going on INSIDE her house.

 

Sarah Palin is particularly upset to hear these stories of premarital sex while she is preparing for her oldest son’s 20th birthday on April 20th.  Sarah and her husband, by the way, eloped on August 29. 1988. 

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While many sports fans have been distracted by college basketball,  Major League Baseball has had some of their opening games.  And after one day hope springs eternal –  the Cubs are in first place, the Yankees are in last, and Ken Griffey Jr has been healthy every day of the season.l

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More madness…

April 5, 2009

A recent survey about teams in the NCAA tournament said that women players do much better in the the classroom than the men.  Said many of the male players  “What’s a classroom?”

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 Alex Rodriguez says he is now at 70 percent after his surgery.  In other words – playoff form.

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 This doesn’t need a punchline.  But it’s worth sharing.   The University of  Connecticut women’s team will play for the national championship, while the men were upset in the semi-finals.  But in a more perhaps a more significant victory  – the women’s team graduation percentage – 100 %.

The men-  33 %.

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And in the Connecticut women’s victory over Stanford in the semi-finals, suffice it to say that they made the powerful Cardinal team look so bad that fans might have thought they were watching this year’s mens team.

 

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-Ron Wilson, coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs, has been picked to coach the U.S. men’s hockey team in the 2010 Olympics.   Well,  with the Leafs he certainly has had experience coaching top amateur level play.

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An NBA game last week between the Golden State Warriors and the Sacramento Kings ended up with the Warriors winning  143 to 141.   That’s more scoring since Bill Clinton’s last college spring break.

Or if you will – even Eliott Spitzer couldn’t pay for that much scoring.

 

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Governor Palin is furious at her daughter’s ex-fiance Levi Johnston, for going on the Tyra Banks show to talk about his sex life with Bristol.  Sarah can’t believe that he would exploit the relationship like that.  Especially after all the Governor did for the young man – buying him fancy suits,  flying him on the campaign private plane, and taking him to all those events like the  Republican convention.

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The Atlanta Braves and Philadelphia Phillies kicked off this year’s Major League Baseball season, with another ESPN mandated 830p start on the East Coast.  Suppose this Opening Night makes sense in one way – kids can get a taste of what it will be like in October with World Series games that will be too late for them to stay up.

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Sarah Palin’s 5 “W”s of Journalism…

March 25, 2009

Governor Sarah Palin this week unleashed yet another diatribe against the media who she is still blaming for the Republicans’ poor showing last November. Palin says that journalists have forgotten the 5 “W”s of journalism. Which I guess to her are “Who, what, when,where and whine.”

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As the NCAA basketball tournament starts up again tomorrow the lowest remaining team is 12 seed Arizona. Since the Wildcats are riding a 25 year straight run of tournament appearances, isn’t calling them a Cinderella kind of like saying your underdog pick to win the 2009 World Series is the Yankees?

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Meanwhile, over at the women’s tournament, the big story is U Conn. Not only a one seed, but an undefeated one at that. With an average margin of victory this season of about 30 points. Yes, 30.

Maybe it would be appropriate for the other teams in the tournament to have the final in the Alamodome.

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Quote of the day, from new American Idol judge Kara Diogardi to a contestant tonight:

“Six words! One of the top performances of the night.”

And President Bush, watching at home, said “Exactly.”

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Bailout bailout…

March 3, 2009

One way to make sure the bailout money only goes to those companies who REALLY need it:

Announce that after President Obama finally finishes filling his cabinet, the folks vetting his nominees will also start checking the back taxes of every executive at companies receiving bailout money.

At the very least it should help the deficit.

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Why major league pitchers should wear helmets:

Curt Schilling says he would like to return to baseball, if it was to play for a “championship caliber” team like the Rays, or…the Cubs?

Or maybe the 42 year old pitcher has just officially qualified himself for the season’s first senior moment..

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Apparently wide-receiver T. J. Houshmandzadeh has agreed on a $40 million contract with the Seattle Seahawks for five years. For that much money he should be able to buy a vowel.

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John McCain’s daughter Meghan says that the presidential election has “killed her love life.” And Sarah Palin immediately told her children she is definitely running in 2012.

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What’s in a name?

February 7, 2009

Sarah Palin claims she named her daughter Bristol, because she had once wanted to work for ESPN in Bristol, Connecticut.

Good thing ESPN headquarters isn’t in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

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Given the way Sarah Palin’s career has turned out, wonder if she had twins, would they be named “Fair” and “Balanced?”

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Kellogg’s dropped Michael Phelps as a spokesman after he was photographed using a bong. So let me get this straight, a guy was fired for using marijuana by the maker of Pop-Tarts?
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The mother of those octuplets says she she expects to be able to support all her kids once she gets her master’s degree and becomes a mental health counselor. Yeah, right, nothing says mental health to think it’s normal to have 14 kids.

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Three of the biggest stories of the past year have been Larry Craig, Rod Blagojevich, and now this new mother. These folks may not do much for the theory of evolution, but they aren’t helping the theory of intelligent design either.

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And a non-steroids fueled rant: Okay, so the point supposedly of the feds still going after Barry Bonds, even though he’s not currently playing, is that they want to send a message that you can’t profit from steroids.

So let’s see. Baseball attendance was in the tank after the 1994 strike, until home run totals started taking off. (Remember “Chicks dig the long ball?”) Some say the McGwire-Sosa home run chase saved the sport. All of this overseen by Bud Selig. Who claims he didn’t even hear discussions about performance enchancing drugs until 1998 or 1999. And who just got a raise of $17.5 million a year.

Yeah, we sure don’t want to give anyone the impression they could profit from steroids.

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