Posted tagged ‘Levi Johnston jokes’

Things we won’t hear anytime soon…

August 11, 2010

As we move into the late stages of summer, a few statements we won’t probably hear….

Terrell Owens – “What went wrong with my last team was completely my fault.”

Cubs fans- “You know, waiting until next year probably won’t be any different from this year.

Brett Favre “And that’s my final answer.”

Anyone at Fox News “The President really handled that situation well.”

Sarah Palin “I don’t know the answer and I’m not going to try to fake it.”

Any politician “You know, we have a choice, raise taxes or cut services. Which do you want?”

(more to come, and more reader comments encouraged.)

At Vikings training camp, Minnesota wide receiver Percy Harvin has been out on leave from practice because of migraine headaches. That’s odd, usually the only people connected with the Vikings with migraines are fans and coaching staff waiting for Brett Favre to make up his mind.

Levi Johnston is apparently running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, as part of a new reality show. This could be the first time since the 2008 election that “Mayor of Wasilla” and “reality” have been used in the same sentence.

Sarah Palin lambasted the LSM (lamestream media) for reporting her confrontation today with a woman in Alaska who had made a “Worst Governor Ever” sign. Why is it that so many people who love to defend the second amendment seem to have a problem with the first?

The Commerce Department announced today that it is returning to the Treasury $1.6 billion in savings from the 2010 Census, because they came in under budget. Who are the people in charge here… and can we elect them to Congress?

Jodie Fisher, the woman at the center of the investigation that caused HP CEO Mark Hurd to resign, said it “wasn’t about sex.” Maybe she’d be just a tad more believable if she hadn’t hired the same celebrity lawyer as Tiger Woods’ porn star mistress?

Reader Gary Morton’s comment on the HP payoffs – A $40 million severance package for Mark Hurd, $42 million for Carly Fiorina….no wonder my HP toner cartridge costs $2,000./each.

Houston linebacker Brian Cushing tested claims he tested positive for elevated levels of HCG because of he ‘overtrained.” Well at least that’s one problem Washington’s Albert Haynesworth will never have.

A JetBlue flight attendant finally lost it and dramatically quit his job because of an obnoxious, rude customer. And he has become a national folk hero. Just one question, how long before something similar happens at Starbucks?

Actually two questions. The police have not yet formally decided what charges to levy against Mr. Slater. And their biggest problem, how are they ever going to find 12 Americans willing to convict him?

Other airlines watched the Slater story with interest. Wonder who will be the first to consider start using the emergency chute to offer a “priority disembarkation fee?


More madness…

April 5, 2009

A recent survey about teams in the NCAA tournament said that women players do much better in the the classroom than the men.  Said many of the male players  “What’s a classroom?”

 Alex Rodriguez says he is now at 70 percent after his surgery.  In other words – playoff form.

 This doesn’t need a punchline.  But it’s worth sharing.   The University of  Connecticut women’s team will play for the national championship, while the men were upset in the semi-finals.  But in a more perhaps a more significant victory  – the women’s team graduation percentage – 100 %.

The men-  33 %.

And in the Connecticut women’s victory over Stanford in the semi-finals, suffice it to say that they made the powerful Cardinal team look so bad that fans might have thought they were watching this year’s mens team.


-Ron Wilson, coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs, has been picked to coach the U.S. men’s hockey team in the 2010 Olympics.   Well,  with the Leafs he certainly has had experience coaching top amateur level play.

An NBA game last week between the Golden State Warriors and the Sacramento Kings ended up with the Warriors winning  143 to 141.   That’s more scoring since Bill Clinton’s last college spring break.

Or if you will – even Eliott Spitzer couldn’t pay for that much scoring.


Governor Palin is furious at her daughter’s ex-fiance Levi Johnston, for going on the Tyra Banks show to talk about his sex life with Bristol.  Sarah can’t believe that he would exploit the relationship like that.  Especially after all the Governor did for the young man – buying him fancy suits,  flying him on the campaign private plane, and taking him to all those events like the  Republican convention.

The Atlanta Braves and Philadelphia Phillies kicked off this year’s Major League Baseball season, with another ESPN mandated 830p start on the East Coast.  Suppose this Opening Night makes sense in one way – kids can get a taste of what it will be like in October with World Series games that will be too late for them to stay up.