Things we won’t hear anytime soon…
As we move into the late stages of summer, a few statements we won’t probably hear….
Terrell Owens – “What went wrong with my last team was completely my fault.”
Cubs fans- “You know, waiting until next year probably won’t be any different from this year.
Brett Favre “And that’s my final answer.”
Anyone at Fox News “The President really handled that situation well.”
Sarah Palin “I don’t know the answer and I’m not going to try to fake it.”
Any politician “You know, we have a choice, raise taxes or cut services. Which do you want?”
(more to come, and more reader comments encouraged.)
–
At Vikings training camp, Minnesota wide receiver Percy Harvin has been out on leave from practice because of migraine headaches. That’s odd, usually the only people connected with the Vikings with migraines are fans and coaching staff waiting for Brett Favre to make up his mind.
–
Levi Johnston is apparently running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, as part of a new reality show. This could be the first time since the 2008 election that “Mayor of Wasilla” and “reality” have been used in the same sentence.
–
Sarah Palin lambasted the LSM (lamestream media) for reporting her confrontation today with a woman in Alaska who had made a “Worst Governor Ever” sign. Why is it that so many people who love to defend the second amendment seem to have a problem with the first?
–
The Commerce Department announced today that it is returning to the Treasury $1.6 billion in savings from the 2010 Census, because they came in under budget. Who are the people in charge here… and can we elect them to Congress?
–
Jodie Fisher, the woman at the center of the investigation that caused HP CEO Mark Hurd to resign, said it “wasn’t about sex.” Maybe she’d be just a tad more believable if she hadn’t hired the same celebrity lawyer as Tiger Woods’ porn star mistress?
–
Reader Gary Morton’s comment on the HP payoffs – A $40 million severance package for Mark Hurd, $42 million for Carly Fiorina….no wonder my HP toner cartridge costs $2,000./each.
–
Houston linebacker Brian Cushing tested claims he tested positive for elevated levels of HCG because of he ‘overtrained.” Well at least that’s one problem Washington’s Albert Haynesworth will never have.
–
A JetBlue flight attendant finally lost it and dramatically quit his job because of an obnoxious, rude customer. And he has become a national folk hero. Just one question, how long before something similar happens at Starbucks?
–
Actually two questions. The police have not yet formally decided what charges to levy against Mr. Slater. And their biggest problem, how are they ever going to find 12 Americans willing to convict him?
–
Other airlines watched the Slater story with interest. Wonder who will be the first to consider start using the emergency chute to offer a “priority disembarkation fee?
Tags: HP jokes, JetBlue jokes, Levi Johnston jokes, Sarah Palin jokes
You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.
Left Coast Sports Babe 
August 11, 2010 at 8:56 am
As a result of the recent shakeup at HP, the Wall Street Journal is starting a new column. Its
called “Hurd on the Street.”
Jet Blue’s new theme song?: Slip sliding away
August 11, 2010 at 9:29 am
Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman star in a romantic comedy called The Switch, due for release, Aug. 20. Here’s the synopsis: “…a comedy about a middle-aged woman (Jennifer Aniston) who takes conceiving a child into her own hands by using a turkey baster to inseminate herself. However, what she doesn’t realize is that her best friend (Jason Bateman) replaced her preferred sperm with his own.”
Am I the only one who thinks that using David’s schwimmers would have been ingenious?
________
A few statements we won’t probably hear….
Terrell Owens saying – absolutely nothing.
Keith Olbermann saying, “Hey Bill, let’s do lunch.”
Mariner GM Jack Z. to any new mgr., “I’ve got your back.”
August 11, 2010 at 9:59 am
So let’s see, this Jet Blue flight attendant took some beers and then slid down a chute. Word is that he’s now being sued by Bernie Brewer for stealing his act
I’m not saying Mets manager Jerry Manuel — who is likely to be fired at season’s end — is planning to go out with a bang, but word is he spent all day yesterday playing with his grandkids’ water slide
Ya know, given the way the Mets play, that Jet Blue flight attendant made the best slide in Queens in years