Left Coast Sports Babe

So it now turns out that the parents of Senator John Ensign paid almost $100,000 to the family of his erstwhile mistress. So much for all those kids who felt guilty about asking their parents to chip in to help pay for a limo for a romantic prom date?

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Brett Favre said he will absolutely make a final decision about playing this year by July 30. “That’s really exciting” said absolutely nobody.

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One good thing for Favre, he has played in the era where coaches call in plays from the sidelines. Can you imagine being in the huddle when Brett was trying to decide what play to run?

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Across Canada, camps are having to quarantine or send kids home in hopes of trying to avoid spreading the swine flu virus. Unforunately there’s no longer the option of isolating children from other people by taking them to an Expos game.

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Paul McCartney opens a U.S. tour at the Mets’ new Citi Field this week. Fans are very excited, they can finally go to the stadium with expectations of seeing hits.

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More from baseball commissioner Bud Selig, who if he had more exposure, could rival Joe Biden and Sarah Palin:

He said the Pittsburgh Pirates are “on the right track.” The Pirates are well on their way of their 17th consecutive losing season. It may be the right track, but it’s the wrong direction.

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Selig also said that “Steroid use is a societal problem, not a baseball problem.” Well, at this point if steroids would act as a performance enchancing drug for GM and AIG, for starters, society wouldn’t consider it a problem at all.

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The Phillies have signed Pedro Martinez to a one year contract. At this point, injuries have been such a problem Philadelphia is willing to try anything. Brett Myers has already had hip surgery, and they worry that any day now Jamie Moyer will need a hip replacement.

A Southwest Airlines plane landed safely Monday with a football-sized hole in its fuselage. Unlike other major airlines, Southwest did not charge passengers extra for the fresh air.

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The former Montreal Expos, now the Washington Nationals, have the worst record in baseball at the All-Star Break. So much for all those who say it’s only a one way street of the U.S. exporting shoddy entertainment to Canada.

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The Nationals fired their manager Manny Acta. Which is shocking, usually for results that bad in Washington you don’t get fired, you get re-elected.

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Bud Selig has stated again that baseball is now basically steroid free. And the sport has certainly not done anything to encourage the use of performance enchancing drugs. He made the statement before the All Star Game’s Home Run Derby.

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Well, we may have had a week without any big new scandals, but in Arkansas recently, Republican senate candidate Curtis Coleman said that to go to the southeast part of the state means mean you “might as well get a visa and shots.” He later said he was “heartbroken” that this was interpreted as meaning southeast Arkansas is like a third world country.

Not at all, actually, you don’t need shots or visas for many third world countries.

His latest followup comment. “It is a thousand more times more likely that I am stupid than I am racist.” This could be true, but I would say he is batting 1,000 on both.

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Regarding Steve McNair’s funeral, and yeah, it’s probably a little soon to joke. But in all seriousness too, you have to wonder, how many his fellow NFL players attending the funeral and eulogizing him in the media have to be thinking “there but for the grace of God and/or gun laws…

Suppose CFL (Canadian Football League) teams would probably be above using in their recruitment pitches to US players… “tighter gun laws.”

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And another exhibit of why it’s just a little different in Canada:

This letter, to the Globe and Mail. a national paper published from Toronto, and written by one Ted Wright from Nova Scotia.

“I’m confused. A pop star, whose accomplishments far exceed those of Mohammed, Newton, Christ, Gutenberg, Pasteur, Michelangelo and Euclid combined, passes away, and yet you insist devoting space in your newspaper to G8 summit meetings among world leaders that could determine whether or not the human race will survive the next three decades. What’s that all about?”

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On the Canadian sports scene, the CFL season has started and the Grey Cup (the Canadian equivalent of the Super Bowl) champion Calgary Stampeders are 0-2. And the hapless Hamilton Tigercats, (the Canadian equivalent of the Detroit Lions) actually are 1-1 after knocking off the B.C. Lions, a playoff team last season.

So for NFL fans, this might mean that the Pittsburgh Steelers shouldn’t get too cocky, and the Detroit Lions actually could have some hope for next season….. (Well, maybe we shouldn’t get too excited about the Lions.)

Then there’s whoever says they had Jonathan Sanchez in the “next Giant to throw a no-hitter” pool.

For non-hardcore fans, Sanchez started the year as a starting pitcher, was demoted to the bullpen after four lousy starts in a row, and only started tonight’s game because Randy Johnson was hurt. My guess is he’ll get another start.

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While Giants manager Bruce Bochy is at it, maybe he should demote Barry Zito for a few weeks.

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Sanchez’s no-hitter was almost perfect, the only baserunner coming on a fielding error. And the only potential asterisk – he threw it against the Padres.

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In fact, Tim Lincecum also threw a no-hitter into the 7th last night against those same Padres. At this point, only the Padres’ website is getting hits.

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When Padres’ fans were asking if the team should fire their hitting coach, the responses were equally divided. Half the fans said “Yes,” the others responded “We HAVE a hitting coach?”
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In hockey, Colorado Avalanche star Joe Sakic announced his retirement after 20 years, saying, “every athlete has to decide when its time to move on…” And Brett Favre added “not exactly.”

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Embattled and embarrassing Illinois Senator Roland Burris said he will not run again in 2010, but he will serve out his current term. This might be the only time in history that Democrats look wistfully at the actions of Sarah Palin.

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78 turtles ended up causing delays earlier this week at JFK by crawling onto the runway. Fortunately, the turtles were not harmed and still made it off the runway faster than most JetBlue flights.

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Tacky jokes to follow:

Senator John Ensign’s family gave almost $100,000 to his former mistress and her family. I guess you could call this a stimulus package for stimulating his package….?

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And from Bill Littlejohn.

Now that the Michael Jackson funeral extravaganza is over, rumor has it Joey Chestnut also wants to rent the Staples Center, for a tribute to Oscar Mayer.

How long did Sunday’s epic five set match last at Wimbledon between Roger Federer and Andy Roddick? By the time it was over, Brett Favre had un-retired and retired three times.

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How long was the match? NBC may get around to showing it on tape-delay by Monday.

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Roger Federer’s Wimbledon win gave him 15 Grand Slams. Or as Joey Chestnut calls 15 Grand Slams, a light breakfast.

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Just wondering, in the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest, are Tums considered a performance enhancing drug?

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Reportedly Alaskans have asked Tina Fey if she wants to finish out Governor Sarah’s Palin’s term. She looks the same, sounds more articulate, and has been spending about the same amount of time recently in Alaska.
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Sarah Palin’s speech has been compared to Richard Nixon’s famous “Checkers” speech. Actually, the original plan for her speech involved a gift puppy. But it looked a bit wolf-like, and unfortunately Sarah shot it.

(No hate mail from PETA please, I am not condoning shooting puppies.)
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Vice President Biden said that he and President Obama “misread” the severity of the recession. And former President Bush said “See what can go wrong when you read?”

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Arizona has passed a law allowing people to bring guns into bars. In related news, Plaxico Burress immediately instructed his agent to start negotiating with the Cardinals.

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The San Francisco Giants have two pitchers on the All-Star Team, Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain. The last time that happened was back in the 1960s – those pre-performance enhancing asterisk days. One of the Giants pitchers named was Juan Marichal, the other – Gaylord Perry.

Sarah Palin said she resigned as Governor of Alaska because she had a “higher calling.” I like the one about hiking the Applachian Trail better.

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Alaskan Lt. Governor Sean Parnell, who will succeed Governor Sarah Palin after she leaves office this month, called Palin “Alaska’s greatest gift to the United States.” Greatest gift to the United States? Well…maybe not exactly. Greatest gift to U.S. comedy writers?. Absolutely.

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But give Palin credit on another front, if David Letterman was planning on taking the weekend off, he’s now been spending it working for Monday – as in “The Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Quit.”

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Sarah Palin noted as one of the reasons she quit that as a lame-duck Governor, since she was not running again in 2010, that she really couldn’t do anything good for the state. Residents of South Carolina are responding “Yeah, what she said.”

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Although, let’s be fair. Governor Palin was inaugurated in December 2006. She served an entire year and a half before she was chosen as John McCain’s running mate. And has been back in the state, off and on, since the election was over. So that’s two and a half years – with time off for campaigning, speaking, and fundraising – out of a four year term. And the media dares to call her a quitter??

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Although the Philadelphia Phillies are in first place, they have one of the worst records in their home ballpark of any team in baseball. In fact, their home to road scoring ratio is worse than anyone’s, with the possible exception of Bill Clinton. (or Mark Sanford.)

By the way, anyone else rooting for Tim Lincecum and Tim Wakefield to start the All Star game? Only about 20 years and 40 mph between them.

And congratulations to Joey Chestnut, three time winner of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest. So the Japanese are putting our automakers out of business. Americans still rule when it comes to eating.

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And a belated happy Fourth of July. The way things are going in the U.S., you have to wonder if they aren’t celebrating in Britain too – as in the 233th anniversary of “It’s not our problem.”

Okay, for anyone who thinks only men are tough enough to play pro sports, I give you Candace Parker. Who returned to practice for the Los Angeles Sparks, six weeks after having a baby.

Of course, let’s be fair, if men were required to take six weeks off from sports after the birth of their baby, it would shut down the NBA.

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Crabtree and Evelyn just filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. This news upset millions of women and about two men.

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The Sears Tower has unveiled new transparent balconies 103 stories high, nicknamed “the Ledge.” These balconies are really five-sided glass boxes that will allow visitors, if they wish, to look straight down.

Most Chicagoans haven’t had such a sinking feeling since the last time the Cubs were in the postseason.

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New fashion item in South Carolina?

“I crossed a line with Governor Sanford and all I got is this lousy t-shirt.”

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If laughter is the best medicine, then I do suppose we have to credit Mark Sanford for doing his part for government assisted health care.

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There are 122 teams combined in the NHL, NBA, NFL and MLB. An ESPN survey ranked those teams from the most and least fan-friendly. The Los Angeles Angeles finished first, while the Los Angeles Clippers finished 122nd. This is shocking. The Clippers have fans?