Archive for January 2018

Age is just sort of a number.

January 31, 2018

Patriots president Jonathan Kraft said it’s Tom Brady’s decision as to when he retires. Of course if his performance slips New England reserves the right someday to influence that date by trading Brady to the Browns.

As we approach February,  NBA fans can rejoice, only about 2 months left in the pre-season.

 

So if all these sites think the Isaiah Canaan injury is too graphic to watch, why do they keep showing it?

Whoever thought Michigan State might someday make Penn State look less bad by comparison? #Nassar #Sandusky

In California, coffee may soon carry warnings as a “cancer risk.” But what about warnings for those who might be murdered if their family & co-workers don’t drink it?

Marriott executive at recent travel conference. There are only two countries with a decreasing number of international travelers – one is USA, the other is Turkey. Are we greater yet?

So if we end chain migration will Trump send Melania’s parents and sister back to Slovenia? Asking for a country.

So how many more Benghazi hearings will Trey Gowdy hold before he retires?

That moment when the Press Secretary who always looks like she’s smelling dog poop said “Nancy Pelosi should smile more.”

Last night Trump said the US was with Puerto Rico, today FEMA is halting new shipments of water and food to the island. So “with you” really means “thoughts and prayers?”

 

No real tweets from @realDonaldTrump in three days. Did someone tell him it was time to wash his smartphone?

Have to wonder with all these resignations, at what point does @realDonaldTrump run out of people who are willing to taint their careers by joining his administration?

As Trump reportedly acts in ways that are increasingly king-like, interesting to remember that #SOTU was on 369th anniversary of Charles I of England rather abruptly being removed from that position.

Another reason to have grownups running the country: Hope Hicks is 28. Not that people get more honest as they get older, but they get smarter about lies and obstructing justice.

One of those “many fine people on both sides?” Tomi Lahren yesterday referred to Joe Kennedy as “little limp dick.”

(Must. Not. Make. Vulgar. But. Obvious. Punchline.)

Nashville Mayor Megan Barry said today she had an affair with a policeman in charge of her security. But to be honest, who cares what politicians do in their personal lives, as long as they don’t tell us what to do with ours.

I liked “l’etat c’est moi” when it was just French History.

 

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State of the onion?

January 30, 2018

Even liberal Golden State Warriors fans in San Francisco area now wishing they had watched something more enjoyable like Trump’s State of the Union. #Utah

 

Trying to trade for #AlexSmith during State of the Union speech but then f*cking it up so that #Chiefs trade Smith to the #Redskins is so #Browns.

MLB is going to try putting runners on 2nd base at start of 11th inning during the All-Star Game. So are they trying to make the game as watchable as the Pro Bowl?

Hawaii fired the employee who triggered false ballistic missile alert, after he said he didn’t know it was a drill. He reportedly “had a history of confusing drill & real-world events.” So how long until he gets offered job at Fox or White House?

Blockbuster just closed its last Texas store. Shocking, Blockbuster still had ANY stores.

Former Mississippi Haley Barbour was caught w/ loaded handgun at airport security checkpoint today. When is TSA going to start profiling dangerous white men?

Getting bad when you see #NewportBeach trending & when you see awful story thinking “Oh, it’s “only” 3 dead in helicopter crash and not mass shooting.”

Wonder how many Americans will be hungover Wed. morning after playing drinking games during SOTU.

Trump talking about sparing parents pain. Can’t imagine losing a child. But guess what – parents hurt as much when children are killed by an American with a gun. #SOTU

(and as a friend pointed out, or when they are deported and separated from children.)

Has no one told @realDonaldTrump that “In God We Trust” doesn’t mean we all have to worship the same God. Or believe in one at all?

“Beautiful, clean, coal.” Nice triple oxymoron.

 

#WeChooseBoth has a nice ring to it for a 2018 and 2020 slogan.

So parents of murder victims killed by illegal immigrants get acknowledged at #SOTU. But if your child was killed by white man w/ a gun, well, “thoughts & prayers.”

Who had the more frozen poker-face tonight during State of the Union   #NancyPelosi or #Melania?

So wonder how much Trump is promising in an NDA to Melania?

Trump acknowledges heroism of Capitol Police without mentioning that Mike Pence would try gay conversion therapy on one of officers who saved Scalise’s life, and many in GOP don’t recognize her marriage. #SOTU

When did applauding yourself become Presidential? #SOTU

Americans before tonight. Not another member of a political dynasty.
Americans after tonight – humming Camelot
#JoeKennedy #SOTUResponse

 

 

Too soon to start a pool on what @realDonaldTrump’s insulting nickname for Joe Kennedy will be tomorrow?

Charge on

January 30, 2018

USC has sold naming rights for Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum to United Airlines for $69 million. So expect Trojan tickets to have a base price, a cushion fee, a stadium entrance fee, a concession fee….

And how much will the Trojans now charge for extra legroom aisle seats and being able to enter early?

 

Indians getting rid of #ChiefWahoo as “offensive.” So now most offensive thing on the field in baseball will probably be the decimated Marlins.

Damn Alex Reimer,  how dare he actually make me have to take Tom Brady’s side in anything?

(For unintiated, Reimer is the radio guy who made a snide comment today, “annoying little pissant” about Brady’s 5 year old daughter.)

 

Clippers have traded #BlakeGriffin to the Pistons. Well, at least Blake won’t have to worry for a while about playoff pressure.

Nikki Haley complaining on twitter ” I have always loved the Grammys but to have artists read the Fire and Fury book killed it. Don’t ruin great music with trash. Some of us love music without the politics thrown in it.”

Apparently someone never listened to Neil Young, Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, and more recently, Green Day and, Eminem….for starters.

Personally I’ve mostly respected Nikki Haley and don’t think she’s having an affair with @realDonaldTrump. But her little Grammy’s tantrum was worthy of him.

 

Trump to Piers Morgan “‘I think I’m very popular in your country.” Thereby causing millions of Brits to think ‘Well, NHS may not be great with mental healthcare, but it’s clearly better than the US

 

Now NY Times reports Melania was furious about supposed payoff to Stormy Daniels. Furious over the affair, or over $130,000 coming out of potential community property?

Now Sarah Huckabee Sanders says Trump had nothing to do with Andrew McCabe’s firing. I like “biggest inaugural crowd in history” better.

Does anyone doubt that if McCabe had responded “Absolutely I voted for you, Mr. President” that he’d be staying in office until his official retirement date?

So let me get this straight – Trump trusts Putin, but not our own FBI and Justice Department.

In July, 2017 Senate voted 98-2 to impose new sanction on Russia. Today, the last day possible, Trump administration again declined to impose them. Waiting for the GOP outrage on this one… #complicit

Youthful accomplishments

January 28, 2018

Roger Federer, 36, just won the Australian Open, his 20th Grand Slam title. “Such a talented young man” said Tom Brady

 

Kenley Jansen, on the slow @MLB free agent market “Maybe we need to go on strike.” Uh oh, more potential millionaire on billionaire violence?

Miami Marlins to install new netting at Marlins Park along baselines. CEO Derek Jeter “Safety of our fans will always be a priority for this organization.” Of course this year team will keep fans safer by encouraging them to stay at home.

Eagles RB, born in Hackney, a London borough, on the Super Bowl “Talking to my friends in Europe and my family in London I tell them it’s like playing in the Champions League final.” And many Americans are going “the what?”

IKEA founder #IngvarKamprad, 91, has died. His funeral will take place as soon as his family finishes assembling his coffin.

Remembering innocent days when if George W. Bush could string a sentence together we thought he was Presidential. Now Trump gets same credit if he doesn’t say something stark-raving bonkers.

Trump tells Piers Morgan in an interview ‘I’m not a feminist.”  Give the man his due, when he’s right, he’s right.

Trump claims Stormy Daniels is lying. If that’s true, she didn’t sign an NDA. So she can say anything she wants to Jimmy Kimmel. Pass. The. Popcorn

Meghan Markle is reportedly planning her own wedding speech. Bet she’s not promising to obey either. #yougogirl

Time to reset the mass shooting clock again. “Five dead in Pennsylvania shooting rampage.” Expect GOP “thoughts and prayers.” Unless killer was an immigrant.

 

Trump talks today about “decisive action” against the Taliban. Right. And is Mexico going to pay for that too?

Now @realDonaldTrump goes after Jay-Z. TAttack was almost as bad as when Trump attacked Eminem for insulting him. Oh wait, he didn’t! Never mind.

 

Family Research Council head Tony Perkins said evangelicals and conservatives had given Trump a “mulligan” over his past. Including alleged assaults, affairs & grabbing “by the pussy.” A “mulligan?” More like
mulligatawny stew.

Down under.

January 27, 2018

Congrats to Caroline Wozniacki on her Australian Open win.   So who was that golfer she used to date?

MSU coach Tom Izzo is so tone-deaf you almost wonder if he has plans to run for office.

But really, who’d a thunk a big time university sports program would turn a blind eye to sexual harassment and assault?

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ESPN’s long national nightmare is over  “Tiger Woods makes first PGA Tour cut since 2015 at Farmers Insurance Open.
Will the last player left on the Marlins please turn out the lights?
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Hardest thing for GOP with #SteveWynn scandal. How do they blame this on Hillary?

As #WhyBritsDontWantTrump becomes a top hashtag in England, somewhere George W. Bush is going “Don’t look so bad now, do I?

 

Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin called school shootings a “cultural problem” today. He’s right. Our culture is too pro-gun,

The Coast Guard has seized more than $721 million worth of cocaine off the coasts of Central and South America since late November. But hey, let’s cut their budget so Trump can build that wall.

Two refrigerators on Air Force One to be replaced at cost of $24 million.  To be fair, they have been forced to cope with record amounts of hot air.

As Trump attacks press & claims Mueller firing story is #FakeNews, whatever makes ANYONE think that he would tell the truth under oath?

Trump now whining “DACA has been made increasingly difficult..” Uh, DACA and Dreamers were just fine until you made them part of your anti-Obama mission.

That Hillary Clinton kept someone on her staff too long after he was accused of sexual harassment doesn’t mean she was as bad or worse than Trump. But it’s another reason why we need to move to a younger generation. #MeToo

 

Have a certain amount of sympathy for #MelaniaTrump. But imagine if Michelle Obama had made a 24 hr trip to Florida at taxpayer expense while Barack was overseas.

X marks the spot?

January 26, 2018

 

Worries about brain injuries & CTE, not to mention lousy play, have resulted in lower NFL ratings. So of course what USA needs is ANOTHER football league #XFL2020

 

 

There is a betting line on the #ProBowl And if you know it and plan to bet, you just might have a problem.

Barry Bonds doesn’t get into #BaseballHOF because of steroids, but Ivan Rodriguez does. And I’m sure it’s just a coincidence Pudge dropped 40 lbs when league started steroid testing.

Rumors are that #VinceMcMahon is bringing back the #TheXFL. Can they give @realDonaldTrump another team to distract him from watching Fox 24-7?

As someone said, imagine how many home runs Bonds would have hit if he weren’t facing pitchers on steroids?

MSU lineman David Beeble on Nassar situation “”As a MALE football player, situations such as this are rare and if it was to arise in football, I feel that action would’ve been taken immediately.”
He’s right, unless maybe it was a football coach

 

A big rig w/ “dozens of cases” of bottled craft beer from Paso Robles’ Firestone Walker Brewing Company crashed in Northern Calif, spilling beer all over highway. Sad. Especially that if a beer truck had to crash it wasn’t carrying Bud Light.

Now Bernie Sanders has called advisers together over a possible 2020 presidential campaign. Leaving politics aside, can USA be done being led by white men past retirement age?

(And for the record, I don’t want any old white women running in 2020. Time for a change.)

US dollar fell again today. So not only do we not have foreign tourists want to visit US, now it’s going to be more expensive for Americans to travel abroad. Where’s the Trump tweet about all those tourism jobs?

RNC chair says Trump’s asking new FBI director McCabe who he voted for was just “getting to know somebody.” Right, because 1st conversation boss has with new employee is about their politics. #WTF

Over-under on when Air Force One touched down in Zurich and then Trump was driven to Davos, how many world leaders said ‘There goes the neighborhood.”?

 

Who’d a thunk an orange man would be working so hard to make America white again?

Don’t tell the NFL…

January 25, 2018

NBA wants to be a partner in legalizing sports gambling, for a 1% cut on every bet made. Well, that ought to do wonders with those who think sport is fixed.

 

Gregg Popovich & Lebron James chatted and shared a postgame embrace after Spurs win over Cavs. No word on what they discussed but if Kawhi REALLY wants out, suppose San Antonio could do worse for a replacement.

Elton John announcing he will retire after three-year farewell tour. “Three YEAR farewell tour, you mean we could have done that” said Yankess & Derek Jeter?

Top three beers in the US are now Bud Light, Coors Light and Miller Lite. Only things getting less light are Americans.

#LarryNassar is trending. Alas, it’s not because he’s dead.

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president Simon will resign. At this point even Penn State is thinking it was about time.

John Kerry apparently is thinking of running again for President in 2020.   Right, because one thing the USA lacks is enough old white male candidates.

 

A day after it happened.  someone finally shamed into acknowledging yesterday’s school shooting. If killer were Muslin or immigrant he’d have been on it in 15 minutes.

Trump to unveil immigration plan on Monday. For those who don’t like it, no doubt he will disavow plan by Tuesday.

President Donald Trump says he’s “looking forward” to being interviewed by special counsel Robert Mueller.   Can we put it on pay-per-view?  Might go a way towards fixing national debt.

McConnell wants Senate to vote on a bill criminalizing abortion after 20 weeks. Good thing at least these pro-lifers are also so pro-healthcare and welfare for low-income mothers. Oh wait…. never mind.

Will we tell our children & grandkids some day “I’m so old I remember when the USA was actually respected in the world?”

As Trump jets off to Davos, wonder if Melania is googling looking for a weekend service that can change the locks.