Archive for December 2017

Over and out.

December 31, 2017

So did the #Pac12 get together & make a mutual pact to take bowl season off?

 

So Miami coach Mark Richt’s response in the Orange Bowl to what he thought was a missed holding call was to hold an official?

On other hand, Richt got his team a 15 yard penalty but stayed in game. So one  thing learned from bowl weekend.    If you’re going to touch referee, you’d better be a white coach & not a black running back. #MarkRicht #BennySnell

Louisville’s Lamar Jackson had a mixed game in a bowl loss to Mississippi State,  329 yds (171 passing & 158 rushing),  along with 3 TDs & FOUR interceptions.

On a brighter note, the interceptions might have reduced his chances of being drafted by the Browns.

At Fiesta Bowl, with weather in 70s, roof was closed & AIR CONDITIONING is on. Most of rest of USA either thinking “We hate you” or planning to move to Arizona.

 

So will Papadopoulos blame his loose lips on too much covfefe?

 

If #Papadopoulos spilled details on Hillary email & Russia after a few glasses at a wine bar, can only imagine what he might have said after a few fabulous martinis at say, Dukes Hotel.

 

“There was no collusion, and even if there was, it’s not a crime.” Whoever thought we’d miss ” I am not a crook.”

Who says Trump has no sense of comedy.   Right.  He doesn’t “like” to use Social Media like he won’t benefit from GOP tax bill…

“I use Social Media not because I like to, but because it is the only way to fight a VERY dishonest and unfair “press,” now often referred to as Fake News Media. Phony and non-existent “sources” are being used more often than ever. Many stories & reports a pure fiction!”

On other hand,  how I’d love to be trying to write jokes about how #NewYearsEve would be so cold in DC Hillary Clinton would be ordering fleece-lined pantsuits for White House.

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12 angry universities?

December 30, 2017

USC’s Sam Darnold got  sacked & hurried so often in Cotton Bowl he should be well-prepared for life if he ends up #1 NFL draft pick of Cleveland Browns.

-Maybe awful bowl performances in 2017 are all part of a plot to lull #SEC into scheduling more inter-conferences games with #Pac12 in future.

Or maybe that West Coast Pac 12 bowl malaise is contagious & Friday night even affecting Warriors.
A feeling I am not used to….. feeling a bit sorry for USC. #CottonBowl
RIP Sue Grafton. U is for Ugh. Even if you didn’t get through the whole series, Kinsey Millhone has been a detective women could really root for..
If we took @realDonaldTrump’s name off @NYTimes interview & said it was excerpts from some random elderly person’s dementia exam, guessing most people call it a slam-dunk diagnosis.
Months after Maria, barely half of Puerto Rico has power.  Just imagine if Trump had given himself only a “7” instead of “10.)
Northern California man is going to prison for being a felon in possession of a firearm. He was caught because he posted videos of himself firing guns at a shooting range. #cantfixstupid
If #FoxandFriends ever took a hiatus who would tell @realDonaldTrump what to think?  Or more importantly, what to tweet?
Marco Rubio now says the GOP tax bill gives too much to corporations. So he was against it before he was for it, and now he’s against it.   Even Brett Favre is saying “‘Dude, make up your mind.”
And gosh, if there was any other vote Rubio could have made other than yes?
As we start the countdown to the countdown for New Year’s Eve, how many join me in hoping Time’s 2018 Person of the Year is Robert Mueller?
So Trump tweets angrily this am about USPS needing to make more money. Then fires rest of his HIV/AIDS advisory panel by Fed Ex letter?
“Nice” job by United tonight for a client. SF to LAX flight – scheduled 902p to 1045p
SFO/OUT 859P SFO/OFF 917P
LAX/ON 1010P LAX/IN 1106p
Translation in English, early departure, 18 min on tarmac at SFO, time in air, 53 minutes, time waiting for a gate at LAX, 54 minutes. 21 minutes late.
But hey, airlines need less regulation now, not more…right?

A bit chippy?

December 29, 2017

 

In Texas, a truck crashed & spilled 40,000 lbs of avocados on I-35 just south of Dallas. “Holy guacamole, Batman.”

The incident was almost as embarrassing as the Cowboys’s season.

Heisman winning QB Baker Mayfield said he was sick & didn’t go with Oklahoma’s Disneyland California Adventure Park. Hmm, a Mickey Mouse excuse?

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On other hand,  Disneyland had a massive power outage that stranded some guests on rides. If those rides included “It’s a Small World” wonder how many might claim PTSD afterward.

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You could tell Purdue fans in San Francisco  for Foster Farms Bowl. They were ones walking around in shirtsleeves and shorts in 60 degree weather. And grinning.
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Consolation for Stanford fans in #AlamoBowl….. at least anyone who bet on #Cardinal as 3-points underdogs ending up winning.

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Okay, where’s @realDonaldTrump’s defense of @Saints rookie RB?
Except that Sean Payton & Drew Brees have both made reasonable political statements.

NFL ‘Grinch’ fines Kamara for holiday-themed cleats

Apple in announcing reduced battery prices. “We have never-& would never-do anything to intentionally shorten life of any Apple product, or degrade user experience to drive customer upgrades.” I like “pushed into lifeboat better.”

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If @realDonaldTrump were actually doing as good a job as President as he claims why would he care if Americans knew he was golfing?

and hey, if you have to get a truck to block press view of you golfing you just might be doing too much golfing.

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 Lindsay Lohan posted on Instagram about being bitten by a snake while on vacation in Thailand. I miss days when Lindsay Lohan stories were craziest headlines in US.

People MIGHT pay more attention to bowl games if we could do office pools on them. Except that most offices close last week in December.

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Guessing Stanford Athletic Dept won’t be sending marketing emails to fans & alums saying “Remember the Alamo.” #AlamoBowl

 Waiting to see how long it takes Roy Moore to condemn “liberal” Alabama judges.
If  @realDonaldTrump were actually doing as good a job as President as he claims why would he care if Americans knew he was golfing?

Lindsay Lohan posted on Instagram about being bitten by a snake while on vacation in Thailand. I miss days when Lindsay Lohan stories were craziest headlines in US.

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People MIGHT pay more attention to bowl games if we could do office pools on them. Except that most offices close last week in December.

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After hours

December 27, 2017

 

NFL changing several week 17 games to several hours later. @Redskins & @Giants would have been happy had they changed their game to next pre-season.

-Some wonder why I root for San Antonio Spurs. And then I wonder, how can you not? – Gregg Popovich on why charity matters “Because we’re rich as hell & we don’t need it all,& other people need it Then, you’re an ass if you don’t give it. Pretty simple.”

 

Duke vs Northern Illinois Tuesday. “I’ll take teams that should be a March Madness instead of a bowl matchup for $400, Alex.”

 

Last home games in Nashville & Baltimore will now be at night in winter because @NFL thinks it’s more fair with teams trying for playoffs. Same that logic didn’t apply for scheduling Thursday Night Football.

At Orlando airport this morning, there were major TSA delays after passenger w/ concealed-carry permit tried to bring a gun & ammunition in his carry-on bag. Back on your game, Florida.

Actual talk in Britain that Prince Harry is thinking of inviting the Obamas to his comparatively small wedding, but not Trump. And that some in government are worried it will upset the President and cause problems for US-Britain relations.

Three words for Harry from the USA “Just do it.”

 

AP reports that Trump has not had a single State dinner as President. Makes sense – he can’t make a profit off of a meal he serves at the White House.

 

The White House is removing a centuries-old Jackson Magnolia tree.  Now apparently the tree is old and sick and arborists have been trying to treat it for some time. But guessing they could have got Trump’s permission just by saying it was Obama’s favorite.

 

 

As media tries so hard to find stories of Trumpsters who still support @realDonaldTrump wouldn’t it be easier to interview members at Mar-A-Lago & Bedminster?

Happy Boxing Day

December 26, 2017

n England, Dec 26 is known as “Boxing Day.”   Wonder if in USA Dec 25 became “Boxing Day” or maybe just “Punching Day” as liberals ended up having to spend all day w/ pro-Trump relatives?

So if saying “Merry Christmas” is defending Christianity shouldn’t that mean celebrating Cinco de Mayo is defending Mexican immigrants?

So Christmas Day we all finally stop getting those emails for last-minute shopping opportunities. And start getting them for after-Christmas sales.

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And now that Trump thinks he’s won the war on Christmas, what’s next?  A demand next year that we only wish each other a White Christmas?

Sad news.  RIP Heather Menzies Urich, 68 -, “Louisa,” Or as we should say “So, long, farewell….Auf wiedersehen, goodbye.

So will the NY Jets’ motto for next season be “At least we suck less than the NY Giants?”

Santa didn’t bring SF Giants fans everything we wished for. But maybe we can pick up a power-hitter in the after-Christmas sales?

Nice for a change that Twitter is erupting over Kevin Durant’s non-foul call on LeBron James instead of over a Trump tweet.

Raiders put a punctuation mark on an awful second half of the season, by allowing five turnovers in the 2nd half of tonight’s game against the Eagles.    At this point some Oakland fans have to be wondering…. can they get that Vegas stadium built any faster?

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, after missing the playoffs. “I feel good about our head coach.” Translation, I haven’t figured who I want to replace him with yet.

A JetBlue flight tonight from Savannah to Boston skidded off the runway into the snow at Logan Airport tonight. No injuries, and since JetBlue has Direct TV, maybe passengers at least got to see themselves make the news?

Russia has barred opposition leader Alexey Navalny from running against Putin in 2018. Trump is thinking “You can do that?”

 

Barack Obama sent out a Merry Christmas tweet and it got more likes than any tweet Trump sent out this year.

A child was born….

December 25, 2017

 

After giving birth in Sept, Serena Williams will return to competitive tennis this weekend in Abu Dhabi.  Four words  “Weaker sex my ass.”

In a crazy and uncertain world we should perhaps thank #Browns for being a model of consistency this season.

Saints today beat the Falcons in game that included a #buttpick & a #buttfumble” Are we sure Mark Sanchez wasn’t somehow involved?

Not that they needed it against the bills but it wouldn’t be Christmas without the referees giving the Patriots another absurd call.

Almost half the 41 bowl games have been played already.   Can anyone name one?
Yeah, I’m an admitted big Drew Brees fan.  And tonight he tweeted “That win was for you today, Who Dat Nation! You made it happen! Now Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”
That moment when an NFL quarterback from a small-market team has a more inclusive and generous holiday message than the President of the United States.

President Trump & Melania helped take #NORAD calls today. Did Donald tell the kids Santa would do better on a Trump plane?

“You all just got a lot richer,” Trump to friends at #MaraLago. No wonder he hates the media. They have nasty habit of reporting what he says.

 

Got to love Trump tweeting “I am proud to have led the charge against the assault of our cherished and beautiful phrase. MERRY CHRISTMAS” from the most Jewish part of South Florida.

 

At Mar-A-Lago do they show a version of where George Bailey jumps off that bridge & Potter’s dearest slumlord dreams come true?

Pretty sure most Americans, Christian or not, don’t think “Merry Christmas” is offensive. Saying you’ve saved “Merry Christmas,” now THAT’s offensive.

Remember those innocent Christmases past when political comics used to think “Dear Santa, all I want is a steady daily supply of good material?”

And finally, to all my readers, regular and random. Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate.  We have to keep laughing. Otherwise the bad guys win.

Easing into the holiday

December 24, 2017

A number of people are taking Christmas weekend off. Including so far at this point,  the Golden State Warriors.

14 college football bowl games played already. Can anybody name one?

As Trump vents from his phone at Mar-A-Lago thinking how nice it might be for America if he spent more afternoons in front of TV just watching sports.

Los Angeles animal shelters considering feeding dogs an all vegan diet. Seriously.  Your move, Berkeley.

So NFL ratings down for anthem protests? Or for injuries, increasing proof of CTE… and the fact there are a lot of seriously lousy teams?

 

Wyoming QB Josh Allen says he will enter NFL draft & forgo his senior year of eligibility. Wow. Giving up perhaps chance for 2nd win in Famous Idaho Potato Bowl?

6-6 Florida State had to issue statement declaring Delaware State a valid FCS opponent, because without thatt 77-6 win Seminoles wouldn’t have been eligible for the… Walk-On Independence Bowl?!

How the mighty have fallen.

 

Facebook ads for Christmas Eve Brunch with wine starting at 11a. Well, one way to avoid family stress later in the day is to be asleep by dinner time.

Miss America CEO & others have resigned over derogatory emails about contestants & pageant winners. How long until they get offered jobs in Trump administration?

Isn’t Christmas a time to be grateful to those who give us gifts? And here Trump is trashing Comey again after former FBI director gave him the Presidency.

Bomb squad called to Steven Mnuchin’s mansion found instead, literally, gift-wrapped horse shit. Which actually seems like a perfect metaphor for #GOPTaxBill

Trump reportedly furious about anonymous sources who claimed he made derogatory remarks about Haitians & Nigerians. Will he tweet “Many people are saying this proves @NYTimes is #FakeNews?”

As we’ve turned the corner on Winter Solstice days are slowly getting less dark. Maybe a metaphor for the country? #Alwaysdarkestbeforethedawn#WecanDream #Resist