Archive for November 2017

All about not quite winning?

November 30, 2017

Florida State wants Jimbo Fisher to decide if he will accept Texas A & M coaching job. Possible translation with the Seminoles 5-6, will he quit or be fired?

Tiger Woods shot a 3-under par in his first tournament in a year, leaving him tied for 8th.  But hey, at least ESPN has something to write about golf.

Blue Jays analyst Gregg Zaun has been fired for “inappropriate behavior ” in the workplace. Time to start getting more women hired in sports too.

Cowboys-Redskins  – a game between two teams who at best will never get out of the wild card round.

 

Soon to be heard at the Pearly Gates “Surprise, surprise surprise….” RIP Jim Nabors aka Gomer Pyle.

 

Open note to guys planning to apologize for past sexual harassment. We’ll be a lot more likely to believe you if you do it before you get caught.

 

Jeff Sessions indicated Federal Government might try cracking down on recreational marijuana. He does realize Colorado & Nevada each have a GOP senator… now?

Trump’s visit to Britain in January has reportedly been canceled over his latest tweet storm. Well, not like it was a special relationship or anything.

Trump: “The rich people actually don’t like me” Correct. They love him.

 

So in the end, contemplating his own mortality, multi-millionaire #JohnMcCaindecides the most important thing is to gut the estate tax for his and Cindy’s heirs?

Considering that almost EVERY analysis shows #TaxBill as massively increasing deficit & hurting middle class, no wonder GOP wants to cut funding for math graduate students.

So can all these conservatives endorsing Roy Moore for Senate let Moore escort their daughters to prom?
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Cannot imagine losing a child to random gun violence. But the #KateSteinleverdict seems reasonable.  (Not sure why they didn’t go for manslaughter.)   Tragic, stupid, but not deliberate. Now can we talk about penalties for casually leaving guns in cars?
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Eight, or nine or ten men out?

November 29, 2017

NY Giants benched Eli Manning after 2-9 start. Because without him they might be contending with Browns for the number 1 pick?

ASU might hire Herm Edwards as football coach. Because nothing says looking to the future like a 64-year-old who hasn’t coached in 10 years.

Anonymous NFL owner on Trump “He’s trying to destroy us. He’s trying to use race to divide players & our fans. It’s all over a grudge.”
That moment when @POTUS gives @NFL the moral high ground…

Oops. Apparently a glitch in American Airlines’s vacation scheduling system means that thousands of flights Dec 17-31 don’t yet have pilots scheduled. So will flights that operate have a “pilot bonus pay” surcharge?

‘Add #MattLauer to the list. Well, there will be no shortage of men with the resumes to run for GOP senators.

 

-Geraldo Rivera has been tweeting so vociferously about news being “flirty business” got to figure it’s time to start a pool on when HIS accusers come forward.

Now #GarrisonKeillor fired by Minnesota Public Radio over allegations of improper behavior. Maybe it’s time just to turn all media and politics over to women.

Several GOP senators are condemning Trump’s retweeting of far-right “Britain First” hate videos. Why don’t they just use the standard “Thoughts and prayers?”
#littlelessconversationlittlemoreaction

 

Fox News is positively gleeful over the Matt Lauer firing. Wonder if they hope for a ratings bump to make back some of that $32 million they paid Bill O’Reilly.

Thinking over at Saturday night live they might as well wait to write cold open until Friday night, because most outrageous story of week keeps changing.

In Alabama, new poll showed among Trump voters, only 9 % believe Roy Moore allegations. No wonder Trump is now taking back his admission on Access Hollywood tape. #Truthhasaliberalbias

So when did #MAGA become code for “Let’s p*ss off every other country in the world except Russia?” Repeat win today for those with Britain in Trump insult pool.

Several GOP senators are condemning Trump’s retweeting of far-right “Britain First” hate videos. Why don’t they just use the standard “Thoughts and prayers?”

 

Birds of a feather: Not all Americans were unhappy with Trump’s retweeting of far-right anti-Muslim British videos “Thank God for Trump! That’s why we love him!” – David Duke

Once again, if Trump wanted to prove immigrants are depressing pay, all he had to do was raise salaries enough at Mar-A-Lago to get Americans to apply instead of getting 70 temporary visas.

No respect.

November 29, 2017

Wisconsin is absolutely the Rodney Dangerfield of this year’s #CollegeFootballPlayoff rankings.

Eli Manning has been benched in favor of… Geno Smith? Colin Kaepernick won’t need to present evidence at his collusion trial other than NFL game tapes.

NY Giants benched Eli Manning in favor of Geno Smith. Maybe they think they can catch the 49ers for that number 2 draft pick.

 

QB Sam Darnold denied reports he will stay at USC to avoid being drafted by #Browns. So guessing Darnold doesn’t think he’ll be #1 pick?
If Dems really want to get voters in red states against GOP tax plan maybe they could point out making free tuition taxable for students COULD gut college football programs.
(especially those 5th year senior star QBs who transfer for the “graduate opportunities.)
Eric Trump tweeted about irony of Disney’s ABC saying “Pocahontas” is offensive because they made half a billion on movie. Uh, how much did “Psycho” make?
Arby;s owner bought Buffalo Wild Wings. Who knew they could find a company that makes Arby’s look healthy by comparison?
Allegedly on Monday night Roy Moore campaign staffers “manhandled” two photojournalists. Before Trump tweets #FakeNews, the reporters were from Fox News. Pass the popcorn.
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Two-thirds of Senators are millionaires. Would they care to tell us how their tax bill will affect THEIR returns? #GOPTaxScam

Now that @CNN said they will boycott the White House Christmas party, will @realDonaldTrump say he rescinded the invitation anyway?

You know the world is insane when you see #Reno trending and are happy to find out “oh, only a ‘active shooter’ but no reported injuries.”

 

I dream of an alternate reality where world is a calmer more secure place & comedians are struggling to write new pantsuit jokes. @HillaryClinton

 

Maybe Elizabeth Warren did incorrectly tout Native American heritage. GOP would criticize less if she just was avowed white woman hanging around malls looking for teenage boys?

Any given Monday

November 28, 2017

Tonight would have been rough night for any SF 49ers fans who said, “Hell, time to see a good team” and splurged on Warriors tickets.

(For non-NBA fans, Golden State lost to the Sacramento Kings, at home. The Kings had exactly one road win out of 10 before tonight.)

Tony Parker returned to the court tonight to an ovation from Spurs fans.  Wonder if Vince Carter also sent him a text  – “Welcome back young man.”

Congratulations to the Toronto Argonauts, winners of the CFL.  Few sports fans think the Argos could actually compete with NFL teams.  Though they might be 2 touchdown favorites against the Browns.

Blake Griffin was injured in tonight’s game against the Lakers and might be out for a while.  Rough news for Clippers fans but congrats to all those who had Nov 27 in the pool.

#MeghanMarkle completely taking internet spotlight away from Trump today. Don’t RT, this might upset him. (Did I mention she’s half-black?)

 

Can’t wait to see tweets from Trump when Prince Harry & Meghan send their wedding invitations – including the Obamas and not him.

President of US just tweeted that Fox is country’s only real news. For those who always wanted to know what life was like in an authoritarian banana republic.

 

A Wisconsin man was jailed after being accused of leading police on 125 mph car chase. He said he was late for work & feared losing his job. Your move, Florida.

Trump used occasion honoring Navajos to make racial slur against Elizabeth Warren. Thank heaven there’s no chance Redskins will win Super Bowl.

Trump’s pretended his heritage is Swedish when it’s actually German. Should we start referring to him as “Prince Hans?” #Frozen

Native Americans say Pocahontas is a racial slur. Waiting for Trump tweet saying #FakeIndians

If Washington Post had fallen for Project Veritas sting, not only would GOP have dismissed Roy Moore accusers but also they’d say all #MeToo women are liars. Except those who accused Democrats.

Consistency

November 26, 2017

Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and the Cleveland Browns sucking.

Alabama fans think they should still be in the College Football Playoff despite being beaten solidly by Auburn.  Well, especially after the Crimson Tide played a tough out-of-conference schedule including Colorado State and Mercer.

When @POTUS endorses a child molester for Senate guess it made sense for Tennessee to try hire someone who covered up child abuse as their head coach.

Although, news flash – Tennessee at least noted public outrage and has apparently changed their mind on Greg Schiano.

 

Cyber Monday looks like more than a few college football teams will be shopping for coaches.

Tony Parker finally returning to @Spurs Monday night.   San Antonio thrilled to have him back, & thankful most of his considerable medical expenses were covered by Medicare.

Last Sunday’s Ford EcoBoost 400, NASCAR Cup Series finale, had lowest ratings in race’s 19 yr history.  Again, must have been all those black drivers kneeling.

 

Since everyone is online all the time now shouldn’t #CyberMonday be retitled “Cyber Day that ends in Y?

Not saying there’s a #Kaepernick curse on @NFL. But there sure are a lot of QBs playing badly in 2017.

“Hi, I’m Roy, and what grade are you in honey? #ThingsNotToSayAtAHolidayParty

Now @realDonaldTrump questioning Access Hollywood tape after admitting it was real. So he’s calling his own words #FakeNews.

Trump is now calling Doug Jones a “Schumer/Pelosi” puppet. Aww, what happened to all those nice words he said about Chuck & Nancy?

 

Rough weekend for Trump – He can’t decide whether to tweet that he SHOULD be Time’s Man of the Year, or dismiss the magazine as Fake News.

Trump says Doug Jones wants to “RAISES (sic) TAXES.” And he’d probably want to spent taxes on things like education? #grammarandspellinghavealiberalbias

Susan Sarandon has a right to her anti-Hillary opinion, but hard to tell Alabama voters they have to vote for the lesser evil, when liberals won’t do same thing.

At least w/ all of Trump’s #FakeNews rants many Americans who might sympathize w/ #NYTimes‘ Nazi normalization story no longer read the paper.

Moving forwards, and backwards

November 26, 2017

Chip Kelly hired by UCLA. Kelly’s first college-coaching job since the 49ers.

 

How far as Tiger Woods fallen? From being on top of the world & attending 2009 Notre Dame vs Stanford game to playing golf this weekend with Donald Trump.

Love Trumps hate. And millions of Americans are loving watching the hated Alabama Crimson Tide lose.

 

How many headlines tomorrow – “Rolled tide.”? #AUBvsBAMA

Stanford’s Bryce Love  has to be the best one-legged player in college football.

And forget pumpkin pie. After the fourth quarter against Notre Dame, Stanford’s favorite Thanksgiving weekend dessert has to be turnovers.

 

Would be adding insult to injury to point out after Stanford upset of Notre Dame that it’s 60 degrees in Palo Alto & 28 degrees in South Bend. #NDvsSTAN

Michigan QB John O’Korn had a horrible day in his team’s loss to OSU. And he’ll still probably have an NFL job before Kaepernick.

Pundits said SFGiants were probably going to make playoffs in 2017 & had chance for World Series. Giants decided probably wasn’t good enough & took a pass on the year.

Black Friday  was so successful this year figure Trump will try to rename it Orange Friday and take the credit.

(and then as a friend pointed out, the SF Giants will sue him.)

A new U. of Michigan study found an oil in cinnamon attacks fat cells & could help fight obesity. Can’t wait to see the ads from Cinnabon.

Washington Post notes that a “Pew Research Center study found that 58 percent of Republicans and GOP-leaning independents believe colleges & universities have a negative effect “on the way things are going in the country,” up from 37 percent two years ago.”
Well, yeah, education causes Democrats.

 

So now Trump is blaming negative way much of the world views USA  on CNN. #WTF?

 

 

I miss the days when condemning Nazis and child molesters was nonpartisan.

Geography, what a concept.

November 26, 2017

Who knew USF vs USF  might be best college football game of the year?  Seriously.

But okay, University of Central Florida (formerly FTU), in Orlando, check. University of South Florida in Tampa.  90 miles West of Orlando. About 200 miles NORTH of Miami.

And Golden Knights coach Scott Frost, who took the team from 0-12 to 12-0 in two years, might just be more in demand than a discounted iPhone X.

So maybe UCF really IS the best college football team in Florida. #MIAvsPITT

How did this year’s Pitt team lose 7 games, or maybe more accurately, how did Miami win 7?

Oscar Pistorius’ prison sentence more than doubled to over 13 years. “I feel so sorry for him.” said nobody.

Carnival Cruise Line is opening a Victoria’s Secret shop on newest ship. Is this Carnival’s way of discouraging passengers from eating very much at their buffets?

 

Las Vegas marijuana dispensaries apparently had Black Friday sales. Wonder how many customers will show up Saturday?’

Wonder if next year there will be an app to delete every marketing email that references #BlackFriday from your inbox?

Donald Trump still attacking @NFL. You’d almost think he had a petty grudge over having not been able to buy a team or something.

 

If Roy Moore loses his Senate race will he still have time to get a last minute job as a mall Santa?

Trump wants to change welfare because “people are taking advantage of the system.” He said this on a taxpayer funded weekend at one of his own resorts

 

Trump tweet Friday evening  –  “Time Magazine called to say that I was PROBABLY going to be named “Man (Person) of the Year,” like last year, but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. I said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!”

What about “Person of the Year” for the American Psychiatric Association? And his own personal DSM page….

 

Time’s twitter response – “The President is incorrect about how we choose Person of the Year. TIME does not comment on our choice until publication, which is December 6.”
They had me at “The President is incorrect.”