Archive for June 2009

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A politician’s best friend?

June 30, 2009

A teenager was turned away from a flight to South America in Miami because his golden retriever had chewed up his passport, making it unreadable.

Which means had Mark Sanford only had a dog, he might still be a legitimate presidential candidate for 2012

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Daniel Radliffe, the 19-year-old star of “Harry Potter”, says he prefers dating older women, because they are less work. Not to mention that dating “women” younger than him is generally at least a misdemeanor.

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Yao Ming has a serious foot injury that could mean the end of his NBA career. Besides being a star player, Yao actually has done his part for global warming. By assuring that instead of being shipped thousands of miles, many more NBA souvenirs have been sold in their country of origin.

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Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison. Which is appropriate, it’s over 1000 in dog years.

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Rudy Giuliani says he is thinking of running for Governor of New York. Well, with three wives, who has more experience with family values?

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New bumper sticker in South Carolina?

“It’s 10pm, do you know where your governor is?”

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And when Sanford finally leaves office, whether by resignation or term limit, will the band play “Happy Trails?”

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Soccer headline? (and more Sanford)

June 29, 2009

Headline after the U.S. Soccer Team lost a 2-0 lead and the game to Brazil?

Brazil waxes U.S. in second half?

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Of course, in the battle for South American bragging rights, Brazil says they took down the U.S. soccer team, Argentina says, big deal, we took down a U.S. Governor.

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In losing again to the Yankees on Sunday night, the Mets managed to walk Mariano Rivera – in his THIRD career at-bat- with the bases loaded. Walking a closer with the bases loaded? Might be the most embarassing move in sports not involving the Stanford band.

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Much has been made of the fact that beers at the new Citi Field are cheaper than beers at Yankee stadium. Though to be fair, at this point the Mets say its for medicinal reasons.

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So now we’ve had Senator Ensign confessing an affair with a campaign worker, and Governor Sanford confessing an affair with a television reporter. Conan O’Brien, David Letterman and Jimmy Fallon are thrilled. And Jay Leno is thinking, “hey, can the next idiot wait to be caught until September?”

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Dick Cheney still maintains waterboarding is not torture. He did, however, state after watching Governor Sanford’s apology that forcing prisoners to watch the speech in its entirety might be a violation of the Geneva convention.
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Al Sharpton said “Michael Jackson wasn’t a freak, he was a genius.”

Actually, Al, it wasn’t necessarily an either/or question.

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Weekend musings

June 27, 2009

So Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa had an affair with an anchorwoman, John Edwards had an affair with a documentary filmmaker, and now apparently Governor Mark Sanford’s “Maria” is a television reporter. Sort of puts a whole new spin on media relations, doesn’t it?

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Friday night Lou Piniella told Milton Bradley to take his uniform and go home after yet another tantrum by the mercurial outfield. Today, the Cubs manager apologized for the remarks he made afterwards in the dugout. Allegedly Paniella said “You’re not a ballplayer, you’re a piece of ****.” Guess he thinks he might have been wrong about the ballplayer part.

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The NFL pre-season starts in less than seven weeks, on Aug 13. Fans in Washington wonder if that will be before or after the Nationals are officially eliminated from playoff contention.

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Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers, sustained flooding in its service area this week resulting in moderate damage to some concession and promotional items.
No word if rain entered and watered down the beer supply. Of course, it being Miller, fans wouldn’t notice.

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Manny Ramirez continued his rehab assignment Saturday by hitting against single A pitching at Lake Elsinore. I guess the Dodgers figured that was the best possible preparation for his rejoining the team and facing the San Diego Padres staff next weekend.

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Mark Sanford – the Governor King?

June 26, 2009

In the latest installment of the “Not so Young and the Restless,” aka the Mark Sanford story, the Governor is comparing himself to King David. Although maybe Sanford should have read his Bible more carefully. At the time the King saw Bathsheba in the bath, he already had eight other wives, along with concubines. Not to mention that little matter of having Bathsheba’s husband murdered.

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And while Sanford is studying up on his Bible, he can learn this line he apparently missed in the past – John 8-7. “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone…”

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Other potential royal titles for Sanford – The Lyin’ King, or King Leer?

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It’s not even 2010 and the potential Republican Presidential candidates for 2012 are dropping like flies, or rather, their flies are dropping.

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Hard to believe, but if this keeps up the Republican party may look back on this decade and realize their least embarrassing presidential candidate might end up being George W. Bush.
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Much has changed in the 27 years since Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” videos revolutionized the music industry. But watching all the public tributes in the streets, it’s clear one thing hasn’t changed – white people still can’t moonwalk.

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All this Michael Jackson coverage really has consumed most of the American media’s attention these days. Which was frustrating for all the fans trying to follow Thursday’s NBA draft, and both fans trying to follow Friday’s NHL draft.

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Does he know something about global warming we don’t? Ricky Rubio says one reason he doesn’t want to sign with Minnesota, is that his mother doesn’t like cold weather. So he wants to sign with the Knicks?

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Another from Bill Littlejohn.

Ryan Leaf surrendered to authorities after having several outstanding warrants for his arrest. This might be the first time Leaf and “outstanding” have been used in the same sentence since he left Washington State.

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Luckiest man in the world..

June 26, 2009

What an incredible news day. First Farrah Fawcett, then Michael Jackson. Which makes the luckiest man in the world- Mark Sanford

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You have to feel sorry for someone at the Los Angeles Clippers’ headquarters. Who figured this morning, okay, Manny Ramirez is still down in Albuquerque, there haven’t been any new USC scandals this week, there’s no reality show finale….okay TODAY, with the first pick in the NBA draft we are going to dominate the front page..

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Speaking of the NBA draft, okay, in the grand scheme of things this is trivial, but how would you like to be advertisers who had spent a ton of money today for spots on ESPN during the NBA draft. Which started about 1 hour after Jackson’s death was announced.

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Although, okay, if they took a poll of Americans and asked which recent story they might have preferred Jackson’s death to eclipse on all the news channels, about 90 percent would have probably said “Jon and Kate.”

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But note to any younger readers of this blog, if you ever hear people talking about the days when there were only a few channels, and on a major news day everything was the same, today might have been the closet you got to seeing that. I think even QVC was selling Thriller CDs.

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And back to mundane sports, for anyone who thinks the boss is throwing a tough challenge their way over the weekend, how about being the starting pitcher for Single A Rancho Cucamanga Saturday, and finding out you get to face Manny Ramirez?

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Though about this 50 game suspension, for the last two weeks Ramirez gets to play against AAA and A teams, with sellout crowds rooting for him. And people thought Martha Stewarts end of term sentence to house arrest with an electronic ankle monitor was light?

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Brandon Jennings, who skipped college to play in Europe, announced he would skip the New York NBA ceremony and media “green room” during the draft. Instead, he said he would watch it with his family. Jennings denied it had anything to do with the fact his stock had been dropped lately.. But when he was drafted 10th, Brandon changed his mind and came over to Madison Square Garden.

Well, the young man may not be the next Michael Jordan, but he is well on his way to being the next Brett Favre.

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Theme song for Governor Sanford?

June 25, 2009

My suggestion for a theme song for formerly missing South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford? “Don’t cry for me, I’m in Argentina.”

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Or possibly “Crying for me in Argentina.”

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This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Republican party, since last week.

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I mean, how can you reasonably expect people to believe you confused Appalachia and Argentina? Unless your name is George W. Bush.

And this great follow up from Zev Karlin-Neumann – apparently his advisors told him if he wanted to be President that he needed more experience in foreign affairs.

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Just a thought, has anyone told the Republicans that having Presidential aspirations doesn’t mean you have to aspire to be President Clinton.

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I’m not sure who will end up with the Republican nomination, but at this point my money’s on someone who’s had prostrate surgery.

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President Obama became testy with reporters this week and said that he “did not operate on a 24 hours news cycle.” Former President Bush commented that he agreed, and in fact preferred a mountain bike himself.

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Let’s see, Eliot Spitzer, Rod Blagojevich, and now Mark Sanford. It’s hard to believe there was a time when comedy writers looking for material on governors had to settle for them being either a former pro-wrestler or actor.

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The U.S. Soccer team upset the top-ranked Spanish team. The last time something this embarrassing happened to Spain, the Armada was involved.

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Michael Jordan’s son says he is leaving the University of Illinois basketball team to focus on this studies. The number one response from fellow college basketball players – “What are studies?”
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Manny Ramirez continues his rehab assignment in Albuquerque. Apparently the slugger has also been using his suspension to line up more endorsement contracts. Like “First Response.”

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Reality and unreality.

June 24, 2009

Now that the split is official, Kate Gosselin says in divorce papers that she and her husband Jon have lived “separate and apart” for at least two years.

Which means that the whole reality show about their marriage has been a lie for that time. We may be losing a televised marriage, but we are gaining two potential political candidates.

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Between all the steroid scandals and stories like Jon and Kate’s that make you wonder about ALL reality shows, who’d have thought that the most honest entertainment out there might be pro wrestling?

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The Oakland As honored their 1989 World Series winning team Tuesday night. Mark McGwire declined to attend, although he was offered a chance to throw out the first syringe.
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New Mexico police cited a woman for keeping 334 bunny rabbits in her yard. 334 bunnies?! Or as Hugh Hefner calls that “a good start.”

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San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum pitched his second complete game victory against the Oakland A’s in a week Tuesday night. The Giants could have sure used Lincecum in 1989 when they were swept by the As in the World Series. Except for the fact Timmy was four years old.

Over 15,000 people showed up in Albuquerque to watch Manny Ramirez start his rehab from his 50 game suspension with the Triple A Isotopes. Ramirez went 0-2. But let’s be fair, 15,000 people? That’s a much bigger audience than he’s used to seeing in the early innings at Dodger Stadium.

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Ed McMahon died today. He was the perfect sidekick. Always there, always charming, always in the background supporting his man. In related news, Barack Obama sent DVD’s of Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show to Joe Biden.

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Jon and Kate, Separ – Eight.

June 23, 2009

Does anybody really care?

Actually Jon and Kate are saying now that the pressure of having their whole team on national television every week really took its toll. And the Detroit Lions said “Tell us about it.”

Alternate punchline, the Detroit Lions said “Wait a minute, that’s OUR excuse.”

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Gloria Estefan has purchased a stake in the Miami Dolphins. No word yet if the Dolphins running attack will now be nicknamed the “Miami Ground Machine.”
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Speaking of television, Lindsay Lohan is apparently getting her own reality show. This may be the first time in recent memory that the terms Lindsay Lohan and reality have been used in the same sentence.

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The Guardian Council, Iran’s top electoral body, found “no major fraud” in the recent presidential election. Apparently they used the same investigative techniques that Bud Selig used to proclaim baseball’s steroids testing program so successful.

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Iran’s top electoral body found “no major fraud” in their recent presidential election. They also announced that they felt sure Derrick Rose took his own SAT test.
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An 103 year old man, believed to be the oldest living professional baseball player, threw out the first pitch last weekend at a Padres game. The man said it was the biggest thrill he has had in baseball – well, since he hit his first home run against Jamie Moyer.

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This line below was actually spoken live on ESPN’s coverage of the College World Series Monday night. The context, for any readers with dirty minds, was that the weather was so hot and humid, it was almost impossible to keep the baseballs moisture free.

“The balls are getting wet in the umpire’s sack.”

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And this is one I wish I had written, from the very funny Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Star Phoenix and Canada.com

“Tom Brady’s supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen is expecting a baby. Either that or she ate a grape.”
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Father’s Day sponsorship

June 21, 2009

In this commercial age, many people think Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day are basically sponsored by Hallmark. Father’s Day, however, is still sponsored by the NBA.

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USC’s basketball team allegedly gave financial incentives to recruits under former coach Tim Floyd. As Floyd’s replacement, the Trojans hired Memphis Grizzlies assistant coach (and former Toronto Raptors head coach) Kevin O’Neill. Makes sense, O’Neill has experience dealing with guys who have been paid to play at a top amateur level.

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Barry Zito, who has pitched better than his record indicates, nonetheless notched his fourth win of the season against seven losses today. At a $14 million a year salary this pro-rates to something about $1.5 million a win. Or as the Yankees would call that – a real value.
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The wrecking ball used to demolish New York’s Shea stadium is for sale on Ebay. Apparently the highest bidders are a coalition of pitchers who want to use the ball on the new Yankee Stadium.

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By the way, if A-Rod’s home run records are tainted because he tested positive for steroids, how much less tainted are they for now hitting in Yankee Stadium?
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President Obama is still taking heat from PETA over swatting that fly. But apparently it is going to get worse. Sarah Palin is claiming that he should have left the fly alone as it was underage.
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Another tacky difference between Obama and Clinton. This one is very tacky.

President Obama says he loses sleep over fears of mounting deficits. As opposed to President Clinton, who lost sleep over thinking about who to mount.

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Tossing cookies etc…

June 21, 2009

A suggested theme for this year’s U.S. Open – “Swinging in the Rain?”

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As noted by Alex Kaseberg, there haven’t been so many waterlogged rich white people together at one time since the Titanic.

Kerry Wood, now pitching for the Cleveland Indians, blew his second save in as many days at Wrigley Field, So much for all those naysayers who thought Wood would never again be of any use to the Cubs.
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Nestle voluntarily recalled their Toll House cookie dough after an E Coli scare and the FDA reiterated their warning that Americans should never eat raw cookie dough. Okay, handwashing and sanitizing, swine flu quaratines, I can get behind those things and more. But life without eating raw cookie dough? I don’t think so.

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Manny Ramirez is starting a rehabilitation assignment in Albuquerque Tuesday.  Now, this doesn’t make a lot of sense in terms of  a punishment.  First the Dodgers save his salary for 50 days.  Then they are going to make a fortune on increased AAA ticket sales.  Maybe Bud Selig should order a rehabilation assignment that moves things towards parity- like make him rehab for the Nationals.   Or a farm team for the Marlins?

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A little weird trivia. The San Francisco Giants honored 45 year old pitcher Saturday night with a ceremony honoring his 300th win. Curiously enough, they had invited former pitcher KirK Reuter, who retired three years ago, to Friday night’s game, and showed highlights of Reuter’s carrer on the Jumbotron. What’ weird? Kirk- aka Woody – is 7 years YOUNGER than Johnson.

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And finally, a tacky alert. What’s the difference between President Obama and President Clinton? Obama downed a fly, Clinton’s fly was already down.

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Retirements and other endings..

June 20, 2009

Joseph Houghtaling,  the inventor of the “Magic Fingers Vibrating Bed,” has died.  His funeral service will have a nominal 25 cents admission charge but promises to be a relaxing 15 minute experience.

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Woods had two double bogeys and a bogey in the last four holes of his U.S. Open first round. So will the headlines read “Bethpage puts Tiger in the tank?”

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Tom Glavine told the Associated Press in a text message that he plans to “hang out” for the rest of the summer but is not announcing his retirement. Wonder if  he’ll be “hanging out” with Brett Favre?

Apparently the husband of John Ensign’s former mistress has made “exorbitant demands for cash and other financial benefits” to the Nevada Senator. Even Rod Blagojevich says this story is getting tacky.

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My Space laid off 30 percent of their workforce.   The main reason the company gave for firing those employees ?  They were spending too much time at work on Facebook and Twitter.

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In two weeks,  Manny Ramirez’s drug suspension will be over.  He assures the Dodgers he will return as a good teammate with a great attitude, especially as he no longer suffers from PMS.

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From Bill Littlejohn:

Iran spiritual leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei says the elections there ‘weren’t rigged.  He also says Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire belong in the Hall of Fame”

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Wet and wild.

June 18, 2009

The U.S. Open was postponed until Friday due to rain pooling on the greens. Apparently officials felt it would be unfair, as most players,  unlike Tiger,  can’t walk on water.

 

A navy captain has reportedly  banned Brussels sprouts from his ship and labelled them the “devil’s vegetable.”  That’s ridiculous.  Brussels  sprouts are not the “devil’s vegetable.”  Lima beans are the devil’s vegetable.  (I will never forget the day I found out they both tasted bad AND were high calorie.)

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Kenneth Starr just endorsed Sonia Sotomayer. Is this a devious Republican plan to get President Obama to withdraw her nomination?

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The Pac 10 shot down UCLA coach’s Rick Neuheisel’s proposal to allow kids under 18 on the sidelines for football games. Was this about age or the players’ SAT scores?

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And a follow up from Alex Kaseberg –  What do you call a USC player with an SAT score of 18?  The team tutor.

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Hillary Clinton fell this week and broke her elbow. Unfortunately it happened when she got up to answer the phone at 3am.

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My Space laid off 30 percent of their work force.  No reason was given but the layoffs were announced on Facebook and Twitter.

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Long speeches, short marriages.

June 18, 2009
President Obama gave the longest speech of his presidency today to the AMA.  56 minutes. Or as Joe Biden calls that, “introductory remarks.”
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The San Francisco Giants have been struggling this season to score runs.  One potential fix.  Trade Jonathan Sanchez to another National League West  team.
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The Red Sox beat the Florida Marlins 6-1 today in the 500th straight sellout at Fenway Park.  Said many of the Marlin players in post-game interviews – “What’s a sellout?”
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Billy and Katie Lee Joel are separating after five years of marriage.  Apparently the relationship ran into trouble when Katie Lee went through puberty..
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Kate Moore,  age 15,  from Iowa, won the National Texting Championship.   No word on who won the over 18 Senior Division.
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The Lakers drew thousands to their celebration of the team’s 15th NBA title. Not to be outdone, the Clippers promise their fans a celebration next year if and when the team gets their 15th win.

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If 48 is old…

June 17, 2009

 Apparently British singing sensation Susan Boyle may appear on “American’s Got Talent.” 

Judge Piers Morgan said she absolutely would appear “If she’s up for it and she is well enough.”   He added, ” She still gets a bit tired sometimes, but she is 48.”

Well, heck, would hate to put an older person under that kind of stress.  Good thing that until August 4, 2009,  Barack Obama is 47.

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For the San Francisco Giants, Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain and Randy Johnson are a combined 21-7.  The rest of the pitching staff are 13 -23.    Which means the team’s slogan could be “Tim, Matt and Randy, then have vodka handy.”

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Sammy Sosa became the latest player whose name was leaked as testing positive for steroids.   In an ESPN poll, two percent of respondents said they were shocked. Didn’t know that many people lived on the North Side of Chicago.

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Actually, Sammy Sosa’s first home run of his career was off Roger Clemens.  So while the purists rewrite the record books, here’s a question – Do two asterisks cancel each other out? 

And if a “clean” hitter had a home run against a juiced pitcher, should it count double?  Ditto should a “clean” pitcher get extra credit for striking out a juiced hitter?    The mind boggles.

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Apparently some company has made a new solar powered vibrator.  Will their motto be “shine and rise?”

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The latest controversy surrounding Nayda Suleman, that the website photographers she is using have not obtained the proper child labor permits.    Yeah, what’s wrong with this picture?  The state requires permits to video the octuplets, but not to have them in the first place.

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British Airways has made a suggestion to employees:  To help the airline through a difficult time, work for up to a month without pay.  Coming soon to a drink cart near you – the flight attendant tip jar.

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In case Sarah Palin’s people are reading this blog….

June 16, 2009

I am happy to apologize for the next joke. Hey, it should boost my ratings.

David Letterman has apologized for the “bad joke” he made about Sarah Palin’s daughter. Wonder how long it will take John McCain to apologize for the bad joke he made in putting Governor Palin a potential heartbeat away from the presidency?

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And while Letterman apologized to Palin for the “knocked-up” joke, how about another apology to all those people out there who are struggling with apparent infertility – like Manny Ramirez?

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The 16-45  Nationals are reportedly planning to fire their manager Manny Acta.  Yep, with a record that bad in Washington you really can’t expect to keep your job. Unless you get re-elected.

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Credit for finding this tidbit goes to  Zev Karlin-Neumann.  It’s so good to know that when the country is facing crises on all fronts, that our top legislative body is focused on the important things.

Maine Republican Senator Olympia Snowe used her time on the Senate floor  “to commend Barkwheats Dog Biscuits,” which are made with “ginger and parsley” to get rid of “doggy breath.” 

No word on if conservative Republicans threatened to filibuster the commendation.

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The city of Los Angeles is trying to raise $900.000 to throw a victory parade for the Lakers after they won the NBA championship.  Well, that’s one budget expense they won’t have to worry about anytime soon in New York.

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Michael Phelps has a new book out titled “How to Train with a T. Rex and Win 8 Gold Medals.”  A somewhat nonsensical title.  Wonder if the sequel will be “How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bong??”

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Beyond the NBA finals.

June 14, 2009

After another disappointing performance in game five, perhaps it’s time for the Orlando Magic to question whether it was the best idea to name themselves after a Mickey Mouse organization?

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The only negative for Lakers fans about tonight’s game.  The realization that until next year’s pre-season starts, they’re done watching their team play. Fortunately that’s only a few weeks away.

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Actually living in Los Angeles without pro basketball?  Now Lakers fans have something in common with Clippers fans.

 

The Iraqi Presidential election is barely over and already there are allegations of the results being rigged and/or counted illegally.  Who says we’re not making progress in exporting U.S. style democracy?

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GM’s latest television ad says “We’re not going out of business. We’re getting down to business.”   One question, if true, wouldn’t it have been smarter to do that BEFORE they ended up in Chapter 11?

 

Connecticut basketball coach Jim Calhoun, 67, is out of the hospital, a day after breaking five ribs when he fell during a 50 mile bike race.  He actually rode the last 16 miles of the race after the fall, but then collapsed.  Maybe it’s time for coach Calhoun to realize he’s not 57 any more?

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Sports sponsorships of the future…?

June 13, 2009

 The College World Series started this weekend, an unmatched display of American amateur baseball talent.  At least until later this month when the Washington Nationals play the  Baltimore Orioles.

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The Phoenix Mercury of the WNBA may have been the first to put a sponsor’s name – Lifelock – on their jerseys, but they probably won’t be the last.

Although one question – Who has less national name recognition, the Phoenix Mercury or Lifelock?

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As to other potential sponsorship deals.  At this point it’s a tough decision, which NFL team will get the offer from Aladdin Bail Bonds?

But how long until the University of Memphis gets an offer from Kaplan?   Kaplan’s marketing promise is “Raise your SAT scores.   Guaranteed.”

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And how long until we get the reverse sponsorship deals?  As in, how long will it take the Los Angeles to pay someone to put anything BUT their city name on jerseys for the  Clppers ?

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Weird trivia department:

The San Francisco Giants honored their 1989 team before their game against the As Saturday night.  And then they started Randy Johnson,  who was in his second big league season in 1989.  (Actually, it was the year the Expos traded the Big Unit to the Mariners.)

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It’s been quite a year for Pittsburgh fans.  First the Steelers win the Super Bowl.  Now the Penguins have won the Stanley Cup.  And the Pirates… well, two out of three ain’t bad.

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Six Flags Amusement Parks filed for chapter 11 today.  Making them perhaps now Seven Flags?  The last one is white.

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Idle thought:  The late-night television news tonight flashed up information on where to call if you have questions the day after the switch to digital.  If you are watching, haven’t you already figured it out?

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Political rant time.

June 12, 2009

Okay, conservative readers of this blog, both of you,  come back tomorrow.

Rant number one.  Okay, Carrie Prejean has been fired from her job as Miss California.  She said it was because of the comment she made about gay marriage. 

Sorry Carrie, I don’t think it’s about the comment you made.  I think it’s about the comments you continued to make, about the press conferences and interviews, and about your joining the National Organization for Marriage and making appearances for them.

Had you made your comment, and then when asked about it, said that was your belief but then gone on to “World Peace” and all the other things beauty queens talk about, or simply said, “I think there’s a lot more to people than their views on this issue and can’t we all get along?” or something like that, then no problem.  Oh sure, there would still be people who were upset and you might get a picket or two, along with some supporting picketers. But the whole thing would have largely faded out of memory for most people.

And then you could have your year of appearances and smiling and waving and doing all the things Miss Californias do.  (Even if I’m not sure exactly what those things are.)

But hey, it’s a free country and you decided to use that comment to become a political activist and speak out and make appearances against gay marriage.  And that’s your right, but it wasn’t your job.

And that, Ms Prejean,  is why you were fired.

 

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And by the way, in the “What was she thinking department?”   In terms of alienating the men in her audience,  making anti-gay statements as a beauty pageant winner is like making those statements at a movie festival featuring Judy Garland.

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Rant number two.

Governor Sarah Palin, refusing to let her new feud with David Letterman die.  Okay, it was a tacky joke, okay he said he didn’t mean it to apply to her underage daughter, Willow. But if it was all about protecting her underage children why did she trot poor Bristol and Levi out last year during the campaign. The girl was just 17?

And if it’s all about education, or explaining why she considered his joke so out of bounds, hey, the Governor could have easily accepted Dave’s invitation to come on his show,  and done a “Top Ten Reasons Why Dave is a Neandrethal,” or something.  Then had a frank discussion on why sexism is dangerous.  But no, she would rather wear the victim crown.  Or rather, like Ms. Prejean, the victim tiara.

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Unreality television

June 12, 2009

A New Jersey mother who appeared  on “Wife Swap” has been charged with wounding her husband by stabbing him.  The woman, who swapped with a tattooed freak show performer, is a former Miss Teen New Jersey .  She claims she stabbed her husband  in self defense when he got jealous of a phone call from a “mutual male friend.”

I’m not sure if stories like this do more to debunk the theory of intelligent design or that of evolution.-

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Minnesota Vikings Coach Brad Childress says to “stay tuned” with the situation with Brett Favre.   “Stay tuned?”  It’s like we’re all watching a ghastly reality show and are unable to change the channel.

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Speaking of unreal –

The Orlando Magic hit 1 of 6 crucial freethrows down the stretch.  It was enough to make their fans miss the clutch foul shooting of  Shaquille O’Neal.

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New beer drinking toast in Green Bay – “May your troubles last as long as Brett Favre’s retirements”

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Cameron Diaz said in an interview that she only wants to date a guy who has “already dealt with his issues.” Is this her way of saying she is becoming a lesbian?

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The University of Alabama must forfeit 21 football wins after an investigation revealed players were obtaining free textbooks to give or sell to other students.   What was the investigators’ first clue?  That the football players were getting textbooks.

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At least this is one scandal that probably won’t hit NCAA basketball teams.  No one expects any of these one-and-done players to even pick up a textbook.

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The one-and-done phenomenon is because high school players have to wait a year before joining the NBA. Thus they may play on a college team for one season, but don’t really become a part of the team or university.  In addition the process is full of academic and monetary scandals. 

Several theories have been advanced to fix the problem, from switching to the baseball model (once you are drafted you must stay in school until your junior year or until you are 21) to a higher NBA age limit,  to requiring underage players to play in a developmental league.  Either that or requiring them to play for the Wizards or Clippers.

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The now former Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was fired by Donald Trump for neglecting her duties.  This is shocking.  Miss California has duties?

Or – a better punchline from the very funny Alex Kaseberg:  Prejean said she didn’t mean to blow off her duties, the wind just blew them away.

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And speaking of funny people, this from Bill Littlejohn:

Rumors have it that Bill Belichick is going to marry long-time companion Linda Holliday.He’s already ordered a tuxedo with a hood on it”

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The endless MLB draft

June 11, 2009

Sarah Palin angrily demanded David Letterman apologize for what she feels was an inappropriate joke aimed at her daughter, Bristol.  Said the Alaska governor, no one should exploit my children, except me.

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Has anyone noticed that Brett Favre has the same relationship to retirement as Elizabeth Taylor has with marriage?

 

Not saying the Major League Baseball draft goes on forever, but even Joe Biden is saying “Enough already.”

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They asked former president and former Rangers owner George W. Bush his opinion on the draft.  Bush said he didn’t know much as he had spent the week at a reunion of the Texas Air National Guard

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President Obama may send former Vice President Al Gore to negotiate with North Korea for the release of the two American journallsts. Wouldn’t it more effective to send Joe Biden to just discuss it with them for as long as it takes….
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Manny Ramirez doesn’t want to discuss his 50 game suspension,  saying “I  didn’t kill nobody, I didn’t rape nobody, so that’s it, I’m just going to come and play the game.,” 

So much for Manny ever needing to leave tickets for O.J. Simpson or Kobe Bryant.

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Sammy Sosa is going to officially announce his retirement from baseball.  Which will surprise both people who thought he might come back.

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or

Sammy Sosa is going to officially announced his retirement from baseball.  Or as a spokesman said “Put a cork in his bats, he’s done.’

(Remember those innocent days when corked bats were cheating?)

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