Posted tagged ‘Governor Sanford jokes’

Soccer headline? (and more Sanford)

June 29, 2009

Headline after the U.S. Soccer Team lost a 2-0 lead and the game to Brazil?

Brazil waxes U.S. in second half?

Of course, in the battle for South American bragging rights, Brazil says they took down the U.S. soccer team, Argentina says, big deal, we took down a U.S. Governor.

In losing again to the Yankees on Sunday night, the Mets managed to walk Mariano Rivera – in his THIRD career at-bat- with the bases loaded. Walking a closer with the bases loaded? Might be the most embarassing move in sports not involving the Stanford band.

Much has been made of the fact that beers at the new Citi Field are cheaper than beers at Yankee stadium. Though to be fair, at this point the Mets say its for medicinal reasons.

So now we’ve had Senator Ensign confessing an affair with a campaign worker, and Governor Sanford confessing an affair with a television reporter. Conan O’Brien, David Letterman and Jimmy Fallon are thrilled. And Jay Leno is thinking, “hey, can the next idiot wait to be caught until September?”

Dick Cheney still maintains waterboarding is not torture. He did, however, state after watching Governor Sanford’s apology that forcing prisoners to watch the speech in its entirety might be a violation of the Geneva convention.

Al Sharpton said “Michael Jackson wasn’t a freak, he was a genius.”

Actually, Al, it wasn’t necessarily an either/or question.


Mark Sanford – the Governor King?

June 26, 2009

In the latest installment of the “Not so Young and the Restless,” aka the Mark Sanford story, the Governor is comparing himself to King David. Although maybe Sanford should have read his Bible more carefully. At the time the King saw Bathsheba in the bath, he already had eight other wives, along with concubines. Not to mention that little matter of having Bathsheba’s husband murdered.

And while Sanford is studying up on his Bible, he can learn this line he apparently missed in the past – John 8-7. “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone…”

Other potential royal titles for Sanford – The Lyin’ King, or King Leer?

It’s not even 2010 and the potential Republican Presidential candidates for 2012 are dropping like flies, or rather, their flies are dropping.

Hard to believe, but if this keeps up the Republican party may look back on this decade and realize their least embarrassing presidential candidate might end up being George W. Bush.

Much has changed in the 27 years since Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” videos revolutionized the music industry. But watching all the public tributes in the streets, it’s clear one thing hasn’t changed – white people still can’t moonwalk.

All this Michael Jackson coverage really has consumed most of the American media’s attention these days. Which was frustrating for all the fans trying to follow Thursday’s NBA draft, and both fans trying to follow Friday’s NHL draft.

Does he know something about global warming we don’t? Ricky Rubio says one reason he doesn’t want to sign with Minnesota, is that his mother doesn’t like cold weather. So he wants to sign with the Knicks?

Another from Bill Littlejohn.

Ryan Leaf surrendered to authorities after having several outstanding warrants for his arrest. This might be the first time Leaf and “outstanding” have been used in the same sentence since he left Washington State.

Luckiest man in the world..

June 26, 2009

What an incredible news day. First Farrah Fawcett, then Michael Jackson. Which makes the luckiest man in the world- Mark Sanford

You have to feel sorry for someone at the Los Angeles Clippers’ headquarters. Who figured this morning, okay, Manny Ramirez is still down in Albuquerque, there haven’t been any new USC scandals this week, there’s no reality show finale….okay TODAY, with the first pick in the NBA draft we are going to dominate the front page..

Speaking of the NBA draft, okay, in the grand scheme of things this is trivial, but how would you like to be advertisers who had spent a ton of money today for spots on ESPN during the NBA draft. Which started about 1 hour after Jackson’s death was announced.

Although, okay, if they took a poll of Americans and asked which recent story they might have preferred Jackson’s death to eclipse on all the news channels, about 90 percent would have probably said “Jon and Kate.”

But note to any younger readers of this blog, if you ever hear people talking about the days when there were only a few channels, and on a major news day everything was the same, today might have been the closet you got to seeing that. I think even QVC was selling Thriller CDs.

And back to mundane sports, for anyone who thinks the boss is throwing a tough challenge their way over the weekend, how about being the starting pitcher for Single A Rancho Cucamanga Saturday, and finding out you get to face Manny Ramirez?

Though about this 50 game suspension, for the last two weeks Ramirez gets to play against AAA and A teams, with sellout crowds rooting for him. And people thought Martha Stewarts end of term sentence to house arrest with an electronic ankle monitor was light?

Brandon Jennings, who skipped college to play in Europe, announced he would skip the New York NBA ceremony and media “green room” during the draft. Instead, he said he would watch it with his family. Jennings denied it had anything to do with the fact his stock had been dropped lately.. But when he was drafted 10th, Brandon changed his mind and came over to Madison Square Garden.

Well, the young man may not be the next Michael Jordan, but he is well on his way to being the next Brett Favre.