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Brainiacs and “Not-so-brainy-acs.”

December 9, 2010

 

Jerry Brown talked in a town hall style meeting today about solving the budget crisis and people needing to get rid of their “intellectual predilections.” “Intellectual predilections.” I think a lot of Californians (and others) would pay to hear Arnold Schwarzenegger try to say that three times real fast.

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The Baltimore Orioles’ Luke Scott says he doesn’t believe President Obama was born in the United States. But come on, what do you expect of a player dumb enough to sign with the Orioles?

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Another thought regarding the Orioles’ Luke Scott and his statement that Obama wasn’t born in the U.S. Is that because Scott thinks the President was born in Kenya, or he just doesn’t realize Hawaii is a state?

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After all that sparring in the media, Derek Jeter says he and the Yankees are now just “one big happy family.” This after New York upped their offer from $45 to $51 million for three years. So, $6 million for family happiness – sounds like about the same amount Kobe paid his jeweller.

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FIFA President Sepp Blatter says there is “no systematic corruption” at his organization, and that England is just a “sore loser” about Russia and Qatar being awarded the 2018 and 2022 World Cups. Uh, Mr. Blatter, it’s not an either/or question.

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South Carolina governor Mark Sanford now says his 2009 affair and disgrace actually made him a more effective governor. Hmm, maybe now we know why Bill Clinton was able to get so much legislation passed.

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We don’t need no stinkin’ playoffs: According to the Chronicle of Higher Education, the SEC just became the first conference to pass the $1 BILLION mark in sports revenue, due to television contracts and the earnings of some of their top football teams.

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Gary Morton points out that Iowa is indeed going to this year’s Insight Bowl.   But as noted yesterday,  the team’s top receiver, Derrell Johnson-Koulianos, known as DJK,  will not be going anywhere with the team, since he was arrested and charged with running a “drug house.

So this may be the only time that DJK and “Insight” will be used in the same sentence.

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Texas  defensive end Sam Acho beat out 16 other finalists to become this year’s recipient of the the  William V. Campbell award,  given to college football’s top scholar-athlete.

The standard for becoming a finalist?  Being able to spell “scholar-athlete.”

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To signify moving on, New York Jets Rex Ryan buried a game ball from Monday night’s blowout 45-3 loss to the Patriots. Many Jets fans who had to suffer through the game liked the buried football idea, but wished Ryan had gone further and buried some of the team with it.

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Urban Meyer resigned, again, as the University of Florida’s football coach, saying he wanted to spend more time with his family. Yeah, I guess family may not trump a BCS bowl-level team, but they are more rewarding than a Gators team that goes 7-5 and backs into the Outback Bowl.

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Cyber monday…

November 29, 2010

Which means, if you’re reading this instead of shopping you’ve either got all your shopping done or you’re waiting until Christmas Eve?

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Cyber Monday – it’s one day of the year when bosses may not cyber-snoop on employees, because they’re too busy shopping themselves. what

And if they do catch their employees hiding something, at least it’s not likely to be porn or solitaire.

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Actually, it’s a really good thing Cyber Monday isn’t in March.   Considering that most people fill out their NCAA brackets the day after “Selection Sunday,” both sexes could combine to bring American worker productivity to a complete halt.

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Some Northern California media types expected the Oakland Raiders to “make a statement” against the Miami Dolphins Sunday.

Actually, the Raiders did make a statement – Unfortunately it was – “We still basically suck.”

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Hard to believe but with two pro teams (okay at least semi-pro) teams in the San Francisco Bay area, the top NFL quarterback currently in Northern California is probably already Andrew Luck.

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And with #4 Stanford now projected to go to the Fiesta Bowl, the University of Phoenix stadium, which also will host the BCS Championship game,  can claim to be hosting three of the top matchups of amateur teams in the nation.

Five if you count the 49ers – Cardinals game Monday night.

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Many in the media are taking Derek Jeter’s side in his contentious contract negotiations, with a USA Today article talking about how the Yankees are “jilting” Jeter.

“Jilting?”  Really?  To the tune of a $45 million contract?  As far as being jilted in New York the only people who have come close to that kind of payout have married Donald Trump..

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Leslie Nielsen died tonight at a Fort Lauderdale hospital.  Which is a “big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.” R.I.P. to one of the funniest men of our generation.

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Sarah Palin is complaining about “bluebloods and intellectuals.” Well, fine, except that pretty much describes our founding fathers.

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Grey Cup day

November 28, 2010

And no, the Grey Cup isn’t any game involving Brett Favre.

It’s the Canadian Football League championship.  Sunday, November 28.  (And they don’t play Thanksgiving weekend, because Canadian Thanksgiving was weeks ago.)

Anyway,  for any U.S. fans who were complaining about the weather for games today (and yes, that includes Stanford fans when the weather dipped into the 40s), the Grey Cup will be played in Edmonton, Alberta.  Outdoors. With the predicted weather minus 10 degrees. Plus wind chill

The game will feature the Saskatchewan Roughriders  against the Montreal Alouettes; it will be the eighth Grey Cup championship game for Montreal since 2000.

On the other hand, until 2009, “les Alouettes”had lost the last four Grey Cups they had played in, leading some to wonder whether “Alouettes” translates into English as Buffalo Bills.

(Actually for anyone who cares, Alouettes are little skylarks.)

The Alouettes franchise actually has gone out of business a few times, and was replaced most recently (in 1996) by a team that moved from Baltimore.  Are you listening, Jerry Jones?  This might be a way to put your Cowboys into contention for a championship.

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Back to U.S. sports..

Today probably marked the end of the Rich Rodriguez era in Michigan, although it was only January 2010, when Rodriguez started to pay off $1.5 million of his buyout clause from when he left West Virginia. Sort of like your trophy wife marriage breaking up when you have just begun to pay your first wife alimony.

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Meanwhile, Stanford shut out Oregon State 38-0.  The third shutout of the year for the Cardinal. Out of 12 games. That’s actually a better percentage than the World Champion San Francisco Giants’ pitching staff.

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Not that Stanford fans show up regularly to see their (potentially) #4 ranked team.  Now, admittedly it was Thanksgiving weekend, and cold with the threat of rain. 

Nonetheless, the University may have had more applications for their freshman class than they had fans in the stands today.

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Meanwhile, this year’s BCS games get murkier and murkier.  As Bill Littlejohn said, this week BCS may stand for “Boise Choked, Seriously.”

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The Denver Broncos were fined $100,000 by the NFL for illegally taping a San Francisco practice in London last month. Cheating to try to beat the 49ers? The Broncos may try to avoid the fine by using the insanity defense.

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Nike’s running ads for the new Lebron 8 basketball shoes. Who’d a thunk that 8 would also be the number of Heat losses before the end of November.

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And finally, Willie Nelson was arrested AGAIN for pot possession.  Can the man just move to California and get a medical marijuana prescription?  

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Friday follies.

November 20, 2010

Sarah Palin’s publisher is suing Gawker for leaking pages of her upcoming book. Apparently Palin is particularly upset because people are asking her questions about the book and her staff hasn’t told her yet  what she was supposed to have written.

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The TSA has agreed that airline pilots with valid ID’s can skip the security scanning and pat-downs that normal passengers go through at the airports. Pilot groups are pleased. This means less potential harmful radiation, and a much easier time bringing their onboard flasks.

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The FDA is about to ban alcohol beverages containing caffeine. Great, so you can go to San Francisco and get a legal medical marijuana prescription, but you may have to start going to a speakeasy to get an Irish Coffee.

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Prince Charles indicated in a recent interview that as King he would consider making Camilla Queen. In a followup interview, Queen Elizabeth said she is considering living forever.

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Due to the stadium’s small size, the University of Illinois-Northwest football game this weekend at Wrigley Field will use only one end zone. Actually, they should have used the field for last night’s Bears-Dolphins game. Not like Miami needed the end zone anyway.

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Some fans are wondering – why choose WrigleyField  out of all of the stadiums to host a novelty college football game?  Apparently the NCAA thought it would be a nice gesture for local fans,  who haven’t seen a meaningful game played at Wrigley since about July.

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Although as we get close to bowl season, it becomes apparent that to fill all the existing bowls, some teams with VERY mediocre records are going to get postseason bids.  Including possibly the UCLA Bruins, who have not beaten one time with a .500 record or better. 

So what exactly is the NCAA trying to accomplish here by rewarding these lousy team?  Become the NFC West?

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One problem with Facebook increasingly reaching an older demographic… You have more and more friends sending you birthday wishes, at the same time you are -starting to forget who more and more of these people are.

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Despite consistently low scores, Bristol Palin is one of the last three contestants on “Dancing with the Stars.” Now we know the true meaning of her name -it’s Alaskan for “Sanjaya.”

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from Marc Ragovin:

This past Monday was the 58th anniversary of the Peanuts comic strip in which Lucy pulls the ball away from Charlie Brown as he is about to kick it. Charles Schulz once said he never would have gotten the idea if Brown’s regular holder — Bret Favre — hadn’t been injured.

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Don’t ask…

November 13, 2010
 (and don’t ask why the font is messed up tonight,  I think it’s gremlins.)
 
Anyway…
 
Cindy McCain has come out publicly in a video supporting gays’ right to serve in the U.S. Armed Forces, while her husband leads the Senate fight to maintain the status quo. Guessing that “What did you do today, honey?” conversations at the dinner table have given way to “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”–

This weekend, Americans looking for escapist entertainment can watch a runaway train hurtling straight for disaster. And after the Cowboys game against the Giants, there’s also the movie “Unstoppable.”

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Jerry Jones stated that while he hopes interim coach Jason Garrett does well enough to earn a permanent position with the Cowboys, he had “Super Bowl-winning coaches solicit this job.” Really? I thought it was only NFL players, not sideline staff, who were getting those damaging concussions.

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Brett Favre said the 2011 is definitely his last. Right, and the newly elected Congress will definitely cut spending.

(and the Cowboys are going to the Super Bowl and the 49ers are going to the playoffs, etc…)

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Carnival Cruise Lines may have offer some big discounts next week to entice travelers who might have been scared off by this week’s events. Once they figure out what to title the promotion. Already vetoed – “Fire sale.”

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Former President Clinton gave up a thumbs up review to George W. Bush’s memoir “Decision Points,” and says everyone should read it. Of course Bill figures then that Americans will miss him more than ever.

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The Miami Heat, despite the presence of Lebron James and his friends Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade, are only 5-4, which puts them on track to be one of the most over-hyped and over-rated teams of all time. Now all they need is to change their uniform to include pinstripes.

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Okay women friends and readers, how do you like this quote? It’s from David Lee, who plays basketball for the Golden State Warriors, about his infected elbow that will need surgery? “I know, I know, it’s an elbow scratch, but I was in the worst pain of my life, Now I know what it feels like to give birth”

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“Dancing With the Stars” Judge Carrie Ann Inaba told People magazine that she has a theory why the young woman, who is a relatively mediocre dancer, is in the semi-finals. 

Inaba stated  “Bristol Palin is somebody that I think most of Middle America and regular people can relate to. She is a regular girl with normal problems and issues” and as a result, people can see themselves in her.

Yeah, exactly, regular people get pregnant at 16, have their mom run for national office and have their engagement/breakup/engagement/breakup documented in exclusive interviews with major magazines.  I can see how Middle America would relate.

And don’t all teen moms have day care available anytime they want to give interviews, make speeches and go on reality shows??

 

   

 

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Boise State has a string of three nationally televised Friday night games in a row.  Tonight the Broncos destroyed Idaho 52-14, next week they take on Fresno State, and the following week Nevada.

Not that Boise State isn’t a good team, but shouldn’t this series of games be referred to as “Friday Night Lightweights.

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The Cowboys and other amateur football.

November 11, 2010

On November 13, Cowboys’ Stadium in Arlington, Texas will host Manny Pacquiao fighting Antonio Margarito for the WBC super welterweight title. For local sports fans who have been watching the Rangers and Cowboys, this may be the first time this month they can cheer for some real hits.

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George W. Bush said it hurt his feelings when Kanye West said he didn’t care about black people. Besides, it’s not true. As President, George W. didn’t care about poor people of all colors equally.

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Now Cam Newton, the Auburn quarterback and Heisman frontrunner, being accused of academic cheating and selling his services to the highest bidder, allegations that might make him ineligible for the award..  Although.many voters say so far these allegations will not affect their decision..

 
Considering the committee just got Bush’s award back, maybe they should start referring to it as the “Interim Heisman.”
 
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While appearing in Dallas with Governor Rick Perry, Sarah Palin started her talk by telling family stories, while saying they were stories she had told before. And she stated “I need to run for office just so I have more material to share in my speeches” Uh, couldn’t Palin also have gotten more material by finishing out her last elected term?
 

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Queen Elizabeth of England now has a Facebook page. Wonder if there was a trace of a royal smile when under family and children she entered “It’s complicated.”

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Super Bowl winning quarterback Jim McMahon said at a Chicago Bears team reunion that he is losing his memory. Bears fans just wish they could lose their memories of Rex Grossman.

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According to ESPN.com, in 2012, the Univ. of Denver, Texas-San Antonio and Texas State will join the WAC, joining Hawaii, Louisiana Tech, Idaho, New Mexico State, Utah State and San Jose State. (Boise State, Fresno State and Nevada are leaving for the Mountain West.) Stand by for the all-new “Who gives a crap” bowl.

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Actually the University of Denver will only join the WAC in basketball, as the school doesn’t have a football team. Undeterred, the WAC will continue to look for another team that would be a good match….although they haven’t heard back from the Denver Broncos.

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Latest Carnival Cruise Line slogan – “Cruising, unplugged.”

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Carnival’s “Fun Ships” may soon offer a whole new range of exciting activities. For starters – Spam carving and as my friend Steve suggested,  skeet shooting with Pop Tarts.

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Meanwhile, as the Splendor gets towed back to San Diego, you know somewhere else off the coast of Mexico, someone else is complaining about runny eggs and limp bacon on the breakfast buffet.

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And over in England,  Later this month, a stage adaptation of the movie “Love Story,” will open in London. And all around the city, men are telling their wives “Honey, of course I’ll get tickets, but are you sure you wouldn’t rather I go shopping with you instead?”

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But seriously, how many married men will voluntarily go to see the play “Love Story?”  Of course, buying tickets and going with their wives may end up being a new way for men to say they’re sorry.

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By a nose.

November 8, 2010

Super horse Zenyetta failed in her attempt to be the first racehorse in modern history to go 20-0 when she lost her final race, the Breeder’s Cup Classic, by a nose.   But to be fair, the 6 year old filly was running against 13 colts, and was running on an unfamiliar track in her first race at Churchill Downs.  Zenyetta was probably the only one who stopped to ask for directions.

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Speaking of by a nose, the Oakland Raiders and New York Jets both won in overtime. What’s the more shocking  story, that the Raiders actually had sold out their game against the Kansas City Chiefs?  Or that it took overtime for the Jets to beat the Detroit Lions.

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This is not a typo. Stanford is #6 in the latest BCS rankings. Yes, football.

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What a great week for Northern California sports fans. The Giants win the World Series, Stanford’s football team is ranked #6 in the country, even the Raiders and Warriors are winning.

And oh yeah, for the capper, the 49ers had a bye week.

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The Philadelphia Eagles upset the Indianapolis Colts 26-24, aided by an amazing 32 yard sprint from scrimmage by Michael Vick. I suppose it would be tacky to say he ran as if the hounds of hell were after him.

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MSNBC executives have decided two days was an “appropriate punishment’, so Keith Olbermann will be back on the air on Tuesday. Some of Olbermann’s supporters are so excited they may actually watch his show.

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In the California gubernatorial election, Jerry Brown spent $7.50 per vote. Meg Whitman spent $43 per vote. Just another example of why you can’t trust Republicans to spend responsibly.

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More than one domestic airline today reported problems ranging from  with online checkin to on-time departures because of the change away from Daylight Savings Time.  Yeah, I can see how that would just sneak up on them.

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The airlines hope to have all the problems corrected in time for the change BACK to Daylight Saving Time in Spring. For which they will charge a modest “time change fee.”

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Republican senate leader Mitch McConnell said that Republicans want to cut federal spending, but that it won’t be effective to cut “earmarks,” the practice of slipping funding requests for home-state projects into legislation. Translation, none of us want to cut spending that actually benefits our OWN state.

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Stanford’s football team  is now ranked #6 in the BCS standings.  But due to a deal made by the folks in Pasadena, (whereby the Rose Bowl, this year only, has to take a top ranked nonconference team if they don’t make it to the national championship, ) the Cardinal could lose out to TCU or Boise State for the Rose Bowl.

And while there are three other BCS bowls, the Sugar, Fiesta and Orange Bowls, since they can choose one team each, they would likely bypass Stanford and  choose lower ranked marquee name teams .

So all this means  Stanford could win out, be ranked #3 in the country, and end up at the Alamo Bowl. Just in case you didn’t hate the BCS already.

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Maybe he wasn’t ready for some football?

September 20, 2010

Four turnovers for Brett Favre today in Minnesota. At this rate he’ll be the first player in in the NFL to have his age be a higher number than his quarterback rating.

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The Vikings, however, have a plan for next weekend. Any defensive linemen or linebackers who get close to Favre will be charged with elder abuse.

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Meanwhile, the Dallas Cowboys are 0-2. “That’s really a shame” said absolutely no one outside the state of Texas.

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And better or worse news, depending on whether or not you live in Texas – Isn’t letting Jay Cutler throw three touchdowns with no interceptions kind of the NFL equivalent of being a major college program beaten by a FCS (Division 1-AA) team?

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One consolation for Redskins fans after their overtime loss to the Texans Sunday. Based on watching Oakland’s first two games, keeping Jason Campbell would have meant Washington would have lost before the game ever got close to overtime.
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Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio suffered a mlld heart attack in the morning only hours after his gutsy fake field goal call led to a Spartans win over the Fighting Irish. Notre Dame sent flowers, well-wishes and a suggestion that next year that Dantonio not stress himself and turn play-callling over to his staff. .
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One of those warm and fuzzy statistics…. the Florida Gators’ 31 points against Tennessee on Saturday exactly matched the total of players arrested since Urban Meyer began coaching the team in 2005. (The latest, Chris Rainey, who sent his girlfriend a “Time to Die” text. He is temporarily suspended, but maybe not for the Alabama game.)

Fox is starting their commercials for the Major League Baseball postseason. Fans who have only been watching the Fox game of the week will be shocked to find out there will be no Yankees-Red Sox matchups.
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Not that I ever feel that sorry for a major network. But week 2 of the NFL season, all kinds of fascinating story lines along with baseball pennant races, and ESPN had to hold Sportscenter until after the meaningless Tigers-White Sox game. Which ended at 1224a Eastern Time after 11 innings.

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During the past eight games, the SF Giants have had six games where they scored a total of seven runs, and two games where they scored a total of 19 runs. So far. Can a batting lineup officially be diagnosed as schizophrenic?

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Lisa Murkowski says running as a write-in candidate after losing in the Republican primary is justified because she was the victim of a “smear” campaign. So when did Alaska become the nation’s number one whine producing state?

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Jon Stewart has announced a “March to Restore Sanity” in Washington, D.C. Some say he is a dream, but hey, it might be easier than restoring a winning record to the Redskins.

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Colin Powell says he’s hired illegal immigrants at his home, adding that he thinks they do thing like repairs at most people’s homes. Well, at least he’s honest about it. Mitt Romney fired his gardening crew when it was revealed many of them were illegals, but the same thing turned out to be true with a replacement crew.

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And for what it’s worth, anyone who is REALLY concerned about illegal workers can of course look for bonded cleaning services , union contractors and licensed babysitters. Not to mention get all their produce from boutique farmers, etc. And probably eat at home, because you never know who’s washing your dishes.

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Is she a good witch, or a bad witch?

September 19, 2010

Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell said on Bill Maher’s “Politically Incorrect” show in 1999 that she had “dabbled in witchcraft.” Hmm, maybe now we know how she came out of nowhere to win the Republican primary.

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So much for all those Republicans who thought the only politician who rode around on a broom was Hillary Clinton.

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And you have to wonder, Maher says he has more clips from the show, which he will show unless O’Donnell agrees to come back on this year.

So if “witchcraft” was the first clip he released….what’s he saving for later?

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Lindsay Lohan failed at least one drug test this week. Now, clearly the woman is an addict, but with as much money as she has to afford help and support, and KNOWING she is tested daily, at some point isn’t a failed drug test a failed IQ test?

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Congrats to C.C. Sabathia, the first pitcher in the majors to win 20 games. He attributes it to hard work, throwing strikes and being supported by the Yankees lineup.

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Hollywood columnist James Bacon, 96, died today after a 75 year career. He might have been the last person who remembered what Joan Rivers’ real face actually looked like.

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The Cal Bears scheduled an early season football game with WAC member Nevada, hoping that a lopsided win would offset playing such a weak opponent in the polls. The result, a 52-31 LOSS to the Wolfpack in Reno. Just goes to show, it’s never that smart an idea to gamble in Nevada.

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So Senator Lisa Murkowski, who said she would abide by the will of the voters if she lost the Republican primary, has changed her mind and will run as a write-in candidate. What is it up in Alaska that no one thinks the regular rules about when to leave office or quit apply to them?

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Hua Mei, the first giant panda born in the United States (at the San Diego Zoo.), is back in China where she has now given birth to her eighth cub. Wonder if “Hua Mei” translates to “Octopanda?”

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Stanford 68 – Wake Forest 24. Well, looks like San Francisco Bay Area football fans have at least one professional looking offense to watch this season.

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Although to be fair, Wake Forest also gave up 48 points in a 52-48 win over Duke last week. Fans in North Carolina haven’t been this disappointed by scoring since John Edwards annnounced he had fathered a “love child.”

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TMF?

September 14, 2010

So when did MNF become TMF? (Tuesday Morning Football)

Or in the case of many football widows and widowers after an opening weekend that started Thursday – Too much football?

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San Diego-Kansas City. In Kansas City in the rain. 120a finish on the East Coast. And they were only six yards away from overtime.

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Coach Rex Ryan has referred to the “Soon-to-be-Super-Bowl-Champion” New York Jets. Anyone want to lay odds on what happens first? The Jets winning another Super Bowl or Brett Favre retiring?

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All this money Meg Whitman is spending to try to become governor of California…. Maybe instead of ads, she’d have better luck if she spent the money to buy and improve the 49ers or Raiders.

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And regarding those ads, Whitman is spending millions on one anti-Jerry Brown ad focused on a claim Bill Clinton made in a 1992 televised debate. Now, I voted for Clinton twice, but if Whitman had paid any attention to politics in the past, she might have realized that as far as telling the truth in front of a camera, Bill is hardly an “un-impeachable source.”

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This may be an unpopular position amongst women, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending neanderthals (New York Jets). But Ines Sainz would project a more professional image for a sports reporter by not wearing skintight jeans and halter tops to work.

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On the other hand, the incident was the most embarassing thing to happen to the Jets this week, until they actually played a game.
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The silver lining of the Ines Sainz story, if a member of the media has to wear skintight jeans on the sidelines, at least it’s not John Madden.

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I’m not a USC fan by any means, but…

Making Reggie Bush out to be the only Heisman winner who ever took money and gifts in college feels a lot like making Barry Bonds out to be the only home run hitter who ever used performance enhancing drugs.

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Love this story from the Los Angeles Times. Apparently after UCLA’s 35-0 loss to Stanford, coach Rick Neuheisel still tried to give his post-game pep talk to fans left in the stands. Not only was he booed, one fan yelled “Stop talking and win a game.”

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Kentucky senator Mitch McConnell said that President Obama’s plan to eliminate tax cuts for those in the highest brackets would hurt “the people who’ve been hit hardest by this recession.” Indeed, some of them have had to fly commercial, or horror of horrors, coach.

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And how can I top this, Hans Zieger, a candidate for the state legislature in Washington wrote this for a conservative website (which has now been picked up by the SF Chronicle and a number of other sites.)

It’s enough to make you toss your cookies.

“One might wonder why the Girl Scouts have been spared the painful attacks that have been launched upon the Boy Scouts by the Left in recent years. The reasons are simple: the Girl Scouts allow homosexuals and atheists to join their ranks, and they have become a pro-abortion, feminist training corps. … If the Girl Scouts of America can’t get back to teaching real character, perhaps it will be time to look for our cookies elsewhere.”

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Embarrassments?

September 12, 2010

Stanford 35, UCLA 0. This could be the most embarrassing thing to happen in Los Angeles since the Dodgers.

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Good news from Gainesville, the home of the University of Florida, and the “Dove World Outreach Church.”)

On September 11, nothing got burned except USF’s secondary (The Gators won 38-14), and Penn State women’s volleyball 109 consecutive match winning streak. (Stanford beat them in 3 sets.)

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Meanwhile, the Vatican issued a message calling for Catholics worldwide to show love and tolerance. Except pertaining to Ann Arbor, Michigan.

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Congrats to Quarterback Denard Robinson, who broke the school record with 502 total yards today in Michigan’s 28-24 win over Notre Dame. It takes a special talent to overcome the coaching abilities of Rich Rodriguez.

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Tennessee basketball coach Bruce Pearl got fined $1.5 million for making misleading statements to the university amidst an NCAA investigation.

Guess Tennessee can use the money to help pick up the pieces left by football coach Lane Kiffin – who misled the university, and got the team under an NCAA investigation. And got rewarded with a new contract at USC.

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The USA basketball team has quietly made it to the FIBA World Basketball Championships, without much fanfare or high ratings back home in America.

So much for all those who said that Americans didn’t care about the World Cup because it wasn’t our sport. We don’t care about any sport unless it’s the NFL, NBA, or maybe Major League Baseball.

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Pat Riley is complaining already about those who have made personal attacks against players on the Miami Heat. And really, what have any members of the team done to warrant any unwanted special attention this summer?

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Alabama 24, Penn State 3. Joe Paterno is about to discover one of the only good thing about being 84 years old. He may not remember this game in the morning.
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Shocking upset of the day, Virginia Tech lost today to James Madison. The biggest shock to most sports fans, that James Madison HAS a football team.

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Meg Whitman has been running ads saying she’s the only “fiscally responsible” candidate for Governor in California. And she’ll spent as many millions as it takes to get that message out.

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Question of the day. At an event with Glenn Beck in Anchorage, Sarah Palin asked the crowd “What would we do without Fox News?”

Any readers want to answer that question? (Keep it PG-13, please.)

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Dignity, what dignity?

July 28, 2010

Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell criticized Barack Obama for agreeing to appear on “the View” because he feels “there should be a little bit of dignity to the presidency.” Right, after George W. Bush who gave the German Chancellor a neck rub, and Bill Clinton, who, well, do we really need to go there…?-

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The scandal continues in Bell, California, where top city officials were paid hundreds of thousands a year while the small town cut services and low-wage jobs. Normally the only people who are that overpaid in Southern California have signed long-term contracts with the Dodgers.

(or are named Lane Kiffin)

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Lane Kiffin said he was surprised that the Titans are suing him over his stealth hiring of their former assistant coach, saying “I didn’t anticipate this. No one would have.” Sounds like the Trojans found a true successor to Pete Carroll.

But let’s see here, seriously, Carroll alleges he was perhaps the only person in the world who didn’t know that USC was probably going on probation for recruiting violations. Kiffin now says he might have been the only person in football who didn’t realize he was committing several violations in hiring Kennedy Pola from the Titans.

So is it time to change the name of the school to University of the Seriously Clueless?

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Despite his mother’s having paid an “Unaccompanied Minor” fee, a 9 year old boy travelling from SF was forgotten in a children’s waiting room at O’Hare for almost 8 hours when no one came to pick him up for his Chicago Ottawa flight. Is this what United calls a “minor” problem?

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No word on the rumor that United’s Airline’s alleged first response was “You paid an unaccompanied minor fee…we left him unaccompanied.”

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Baseball players already face derision from players of other sports as not being “real athletes.” While I would disagree with that assessment, it would help if players would avoid injuries while doing things like putting on their shirts and hitting teammates with shaving cream pies.

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Meanwhile on a more serious note, this year, all NFL team locker rooms with have a poster saying that players should report concussions or symptoms, and warning that repeated concussions “can change your life and your family’s life forever.” How about a simpler and more to the point message? “Playing football is hazardous to your health.”
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But okay, once again, who came up with the baseball statistic “Quality Start?” (6 or more innings, 3 or less earned runs.) That’s a 4.50 ERA folks. It’s like saying .250 is a “Quality Batting Average.”

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Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin are apparently going to go on a camping trip to be filmed for an episode of Kate’s new TLC reality show. Wonder what the episode will be titled? “Dumb and Dumber” has already been taken. (My friend Michael Duca suggests, “Twit and Twitter.)
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Ohio State University says former football star Maurice Clarett has been granted admission again to complete his degree after he spent more than three years in prison.

Things will be a little different on campus for the man who once led the Buckeyes to a national championship….wonder if anyone’s told him yet about books and classes.

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Sports and other distractions.

July 23, 2010

One of the University of California’s top football recruits, Chris Martin, has decided to transfer to Florida. Apparently he says being at Cal would have meant too many distractions – like classes.

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As the list of players and schools grows in the NCAA investigation of that big agent-sponsored Memorial Day party at the Fountainebleau hotel in Miami, one common refrain is emerging from all of those protesting innocence – “I did NOT take my talents to South Beach.”
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Now New Orleans point guard Chris Paul wants to be traded to the New York Knicks so he can play with Amare Stoudemire and someday Carmelo Anthony. So when exactly did the NBA become a bunch of guys choosing sides on the playground?

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But to be fair to Paul, maybe he just feels New York would offer him a more exciting atmosphere, while still avoiding all that playoff pressure.

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Bristol Palin told US Weekly that her mother is not happy about her upcoming marriage. So any day now expect to read this Shakespearian tweet – “How sharper than a grizzly’s tooth to have a thankless child. You betcha.”

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The bat that Pete Rose used to get his final hit sold at auction for only $158,776. Rose was pretty upset. The all-time MLB hit leader had long ago sold the bat, but had bet it would go for at least $200,000.
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First Lady Michelle Obama went to an Orioles game in Baltimore to pitch her childhood obesity “Let’s Move” campaign. Said Baltimore fans “Sounds like a great idea, just how far away can we move this team?”

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Palo Alto’s Jeremy Lin signed a two year contract with the Golden State Warriors. Okay, let’s be real – a couple weeks ago most people would have said that you would be more likely to see a basketball fan in Cleveland still wearing a Lebron jersey, than to see an Asian-American point guard from Harvard in the NBA.

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The Beach Boys may reunite for a 50th anniversary tour. Of course now all their “California Girls” have become the “Little Old Ladies from Pasadena.”

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A United flight hit sudden turbulence resulting in passengers being thrown around the cabin. It was the third United plane to experience such a sudden drop this year. The airline is now apparently in negotiations with Six Flags to turn the experience into a paid thrill ride.

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BP admitted Thursday that they have removed another substantially altered photo on their Gulf of Mexico oil disaster website. The company added that they have now told their contract photographers not to do any more Photoshopping on the site.

So what did the these photographers do before hiring on at BP? Work with supermodels?

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Midseason form…

July 20, 2010

University of Pittsburgh defensive end Jabaal Sheard has been suspended indefinitely. after he was accused of throwing another man through the glass door of an art gallery. Sheard may not play for the Panthers again, but with that kind of arm and attitude some teams may want him as an NFL quarterback.

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Although besides being suspended from the team, it seems pretty likely Jabaal flunked art appreciation.

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Forever 21, the discount fashion chain beloved by teenagers, is now coming out with a maternity line. I think I see another endorsement opportunity ahead for Bristol Palin.

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According to a London tabloid, the New York Yankees are thinking of bidding on a top soccer team, the Tottenham Hotspur of the English Premier League. I guess it’s not enough for their ownership to be hated on only one continent.

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One sign that we are well into Major League Baseball’s midseason? The All-Star game. The second sign? Kerry Wood is back on the disabled list.
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The Texas Rangers beat the Detroit Tigers in 14 innings, in a game that ended around midnight. Almost five hours. The only thing that’s lasted longer this year for the Rangers is Bengie Molina’s baserunning during last week’s triple.

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Atlanta Braves reliever Jonny Venters was suspended four games for intentionally throwing at Prince Fielder on Saturday. Two games for hitting him, two more games for being stupid enough to throw at the guy most likely to crush you if he stormed the mound.

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Good news, bad news for the SF Giants about Madison Bumgarner. The good news, the rookie pitcher can flat out hit. The bad news, he hits better than the team’s $12 million a year centerfielder. (Aaron Rowand)

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Another day, another nail-biting save for the Giants. Have to wonder, at AA meetings in the San Francisco Area, besides “relationships,” “job stress,” how many people say the reason they drink is “Brian Wilson?.” (Even the SF Chronicle noted in their post game interview with Bruce Bochy that the manager was clutching “a comforting beverage.”)

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At the age of 106 and after living here 40 years, Ignacia Moya today finally became a U.S. Citizen. Her biggest regret – not having been able to vote for that “nice young man,” John McCain.

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Sarah Palin actually seems to be quite fond of her new word “refudiate,” because she has used it repeatedly. Maybe since she’s trying to court the anti-intellectual vote it’s part of her “strategery?”

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From Jerry Perisho The phrase you’re most likely to hear at Chelsea’s wedding: “That’s not an ice sculpture; that’s the mother of the bride.”

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Marc Ragovin again “Whats the big deal about the Yankees’ A.J. Burnett. A lot of pitchers hit the wall this time of year.

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So Republicans want to cut off unemployment benefits because they say it will encourage Americans to be lazy and not to look for work. By that token shouldn’t they want to double or triple the tax on dividends and other unearned income to encourage trust-fund babies to look for work?

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The BCS, college football and other jokes.

December 29, 2009

UCLA came from behind to defeat Temple, after USC beat Boston College. Thereby changing the PAC 10 from “Putrid Around Christmastime” to “Perfect After Christmas.”

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In a recent poll, 63 percent of Americans said they wanted to institute a college football playoff system and do away with the BCS.

Amazing, didn’t realize 37 percent of Americans were SEC fans.

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Most Americans, however, did not want Congress to get involved in a college football playoff system. Probably because it would end up taking six months and costing half a trillion dollars.

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Could Janet Napolitano have sounded any sillier bragging about how “the system worked?” About the only thing missing was “TSA, you’re doing a helluva job?”

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A personal aside to the would-be bomber story, as a Caucasian woman , I get patted down just about every time I travel in my favorite long skirt… and a Nigerian guy on the “watch list” doesn’t get touched?

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The NY Giants played their last game in their own stadium, which will be torn down after the season. After their embarassing loss, many fans suggested it be torn down with the team in it.

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Jason Bay will apparently turn down many other high-paying suitors to sign with the New York Mets. Of course, the Mets offered an extra inducment beyond money – Octobers off.

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You think your team had a bad day…

December 16, 2009

How about the kids at Texas-Pan American, who lost to the University of Texas in basketball 104-42. Normally when a basketball game is this embarrassing, the New Jersey Nets are involved.

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Meanwhile, in the SEC, teams are lining up to see if Texas-Pan American has a football team available for a non-conference game.

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Because of the tough economy, schools in some states are trying to saving money by going to four day weeks. Leading some kids to say this has to be greater than the Great Depression.

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A survey of Global Traveler magazine readers had Chicago O’Hare as the number one airport in the United States. With all due respect, many people don’t even think it’s the number one airport in Chicago.

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There is talk of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament expanding to 96 teams. And we thought March was a month for low U.S. worker productivity before.

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Okay, I wasn’t quite accurate yesterday. Turns out the Arizona Cardinals did not have two interceptions and five fumbles on Monday night. They had two interceptions and SEVEN fumbles. But they recovered two of their own fumbles.

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Regarding the NFL’s blackout policy. Maybe they are going about it all wrong. If a lousy team like the Raiders or Rams doesn’t sell out a home game, viewers in that city get one of the nationally televised games. Wouldn’t it make more sense to say if the game doesn’t sell out, fans have to watch their lousy locals, instead of a team like the Chargers, Vikings, Saints or Colts.

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According to Golf.com, industry experts claim that Tiger Woods’ absence from the sport will have little economic effect. And we thought Tiger’s original statement was unrealistic.

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Tiger Woods’ popularity has fallen down to 33 percent. Any lower and maybe he should think about running for Congress.

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Tennessee football coach Lane Kiffin says he considers the investigations into the school’s recruiting practices as a “compliment.” If so, my sense is that Kiffin and the Volunteers are due for a lot of ego-stroking in the near future.

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Indianapolis Colts and New Orleans Saints, move over. The Penn State women’s volleyball team now has a 100 game winning streak. (This, by the way, is 12 games more than than the great UCLA men’s basketball team in the early 70s.)

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Post turkey…

November 27, 2009

New York Jets coach Rex Ryan has installed a code system with Mark Sanchez in an attempt to cut down the rookie quarterback’s mistakes and provide him with a clearer idea of the tasks at hand. Since Sanchez is a former USC player I can only assume that the code is 1 for a handoff, 2 for a pass.

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Denver Broncos coach Josh McDaniels was apparently trash-trashing the San Diego Chargers players during warmups last year, saying amongst other things – “We own you.” Considering that the Chargers beat the Broncos 32-3, if Denver did own them, that San Diego foreclosed on the mortgage.

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The Broncos did win the Thanksgiving Day game against the New York Giants. The NFL network, however, accidentally broadcast coach McDaniels yelling “we’re trying to win a bleeping (not his exact word) football game” to Denver players. Well, so much for his appearance on Good Morning America.

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The University of Colorado announced that they will retain coach Dan Hawkins for the 2010 season despite the team’s disappointing record. Which was a surprise, normally with a record that bad you don’t get rehired. Re-elected maybe.

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Congrats to Stanford’s running backs coach Willie Taggart, who has been named the new head football coach at Western Kentucky University. Taggart hopes he can replicate his success at Stanford. Which means his first order of business will be – recruit another Toby Gerhart.

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California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman hopes to follow the sales success of “Going Rogue” with her own forthcoming autobiography, “The Power of Many.” Whitman says her book will differ from Palin’s in a few substantive ways – nouns, verbs, sentences…

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The mothers of the three Americans who were arrested in Iran have sent video messages to their children. The hikers continue to deny that they were spying, and claim they thought they were in Iraq. In fact, they are really hoping to be released soon so they can get back to training as Northwest pilots.

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Ndamukong Suh, a DT (Defensive Tackle) from Nebraska, is next year’s probable number one NFL draft pick. He is nonetheless considered a longshot even to make it to New York for the Heisman ceremony. To the chagrin of many fans of great defensive players, and to the relief of U.S. sportscasters and copy editors.

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Donny Osmond, 51, was this year’s winner of Dancing With The Stars. Said Bill Littlejohn “He’s now the cover boy on Saber Tooth Tiger Beat.”

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You think you had a bad Monday?

September 1, 2009

It could be worse in Minnesota.

How’d you like to be the guy at the Timberwolves who made the decision to choose Ricky Rubio with the number five pick in the NBA draft?

Or maybe the guy at the Vikings who decided to spend $25 million on Brett Favre now that he may have broken a few ribs.

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Bad news for the Vikings if after spending $25 million on Favre he turns out to have been injured. Good news, the bills should be covered by Medicare.

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Many people disdain politics because they say campaigning is all feel-good promises and meaningless performances that end up having little to do with reality. So how come so many of those same folks are so excited about pre-season football??

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So the University of Michigan is being investigated for allegations that players spent more than 20 hours a week on football during the season. I think the question on those charges is not so much, “is Michigan guilty? as “is there a top Division 1 football program that is innocent?”

In Michigan’s defense to the NCAA, they are saying “Come on, if we really spent that much time at practice, do you think we would have ended up with a 3-9 season?”

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A new TSA program will require passengers to give their full legal name AND date of birth when booking airline tickets. You know what that means? – A whole lot more Hollywood actresses on Amtrak.
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The SF Giants are hoping the old axiom is true. See a Penny, pick it up, all year long you’ll have good luck.

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Personally, what I would really like if the Giants are going to pick up an aging former star, is that they hire Rickey Henderson for a coaching session on how to actually work a count.
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For any Canadian readers…

Well, it’s that time of year in some cities, like Washington DC and Pittsburgh, where frustrated baseball fans are relieved to turn to football. Then there’s Toronto. Well there’s always hockey. Hmm, how about those winter Olympics?

(a short note of explanation, the Toronto Argonauts are currently in last place in the Canadian Football League. As to the Leafs, think Cubs. With skates.)

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