Archive for January 2011

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Monkey business…

January 31, 2011
(including  with this blog font today… but in any case, the show must go on.)
Georgia GOP congressman Jack Kingston stated on the Bill Maher show that he does not believe in the evolution, saying – “I believe I came from God, not from a monkey” “We’re happy not to take the blame on this one”, responded the monkey lobby.

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Like a lot of Americans, didn’t see the Pro Bowl, but from reading the summary sounds like this year the players might have actually cared less than the fans.

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Celtics coach Doc Rivers was fined an additional $15,000 for not leaving the court quickly enough after being ejected. Good thing MLB never had that rule in effect, Bobby Cox, amongst others, might have ended up with a net negative salary many years.

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Tiger Woods had his worst finish ever at Torrey Pines, meaning another step backwards for the world’s former #1 golfer since the discovery of his “extracurriculars” destroyed his image and his marriage. Which brings up the question again – Was that secret life Tiger’s real performance enhancing drug?

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Martin Luther King, III, said he may buy a stake in the New York Mets, and help bring the team back to the World Series. And somewhere from above a voice is saying “Son, I had a dream, but you’re living in fantasy land.”

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On Fox News Sunday, John Boehner says he cries “because he cares so much.” Where is Dana Carvey’s “Church Lady” when you need her? “Well, isn’t that special!”

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In London, entrepreneurs are selling,  amongst other gee-gaws and tea towels, souvenir condoms for the Royal Wedding.  Whatever you think of the monarchy, it does, er, stimulate the British economy.
The Screen Actors Guild gave Ernest Borgnine, 94, a lifetime achievement award. Of course, part of the achievement is that he’s still living.

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While I generally believe travel is safe, there are no sure things. (Including staying home.) But how many people this winter thought of a warm weather vacation, looked at the violence in Mexico and decided, let’s finally do that Egyptian vacation instead?

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A few winners, a lot of losers.

January 29, 2011

 Why reading is important: O.J. Mayo now said “an energy drink he bought at a gas station” was responsible for the failed drug test that led to his NBA ten game suspension. Really? Had he read the newspapers in the past few months he could have just said his father gave him some vitamins.

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All of the publicity from the 13 Iowa football players hospitalized due to overly strenuous workouts might make a difference in the Big 10 next year. Unfortunately that difference will probably just be the rest of the teams in the conference practicing harder to keep up. 

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The Egyptian government is trying to cut off all internet access to the country. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just switch all Egyptian citizens over to AOL?

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The Kings of Leon and “Glee’s” creator have been engaged in a war of words, after the band refused to allowed their music to be covered by the show, ” because they said it was “selling out.” Right, as opposed to the artistic merits of using a Kings of Leon song in a Jetta commercial.

(the song, for those who can’t remember or simply choose to forget, is “Molly’s Chamber.)

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George W. Bush says now he is “through with” and “uninterested in” politics. Sounds like he’s just about as engaged as he was when he was President.

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Charlie Sheen is back in rehab. Shouldn’t he have amassed enough points for a free stay by now?

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Okay, however this lawsuit comes out, here’s a question – was there anyone before this week who actually went to Taco Bell for the meat?

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And for anyone who thought San Francisco went crazy when the Giants were in the World Series… see below:

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From Bill Littlejohn: A week later, fans in Chicago have not gotten over the NFC Championship game, and are still burning Jay Cutler jerseys outside of Soldier Field. Apparently they have to constantly relight the jerseys, because the fires kept quitting.

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One of the few good things….

January 28, 2011

..about this ridiculous Super Bowl hype and endless countdown – once the game is over we’ll be only about a week from pitchers and catchers reporting for Spring Training.

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Though actually this year we get a bonus – the Green Bay Packers are on the front page, and Brett Favre’s decisions are not involved.

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One of this year’s Super Bowl commercials will feature both Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne. Okay, I don’t know about the “good,” but we’ve certainly got the “bad” and the “ugly” down.

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Due to a U2 concert conflict, an interleague game next June between the attendance-challenged Florida Marlins and the lowly Seattle Mariners will be moved from Miami to Seattle. This is a major disappointment for both fans who were planning to buy tickets.

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The average Super Bowl ticket price on Stubhub is now over $3000.  Geez. For that amount you could get two bleacher tickets to a regular season Yankees games.

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Canadian’s defense minster Peter MacKay is facing some criticism for saying in a videotaped chat with Arnold Schwarzenegger that “British Columbia and California share a border.” And Sarah Palin retorted, “Give the guy a break, it’s not like the terrorists don’t already know that.”

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Taco Bell is fighting back against a lawsuit claiming their taco filling is only 35 percent beef with front page ads around the country saying it is actually 88 percent beef. Considering that “beef” is defined by the FDA as just about anything that comes out of a cow, maybe we’d all be better off if there really were 65 percent “other” filler.

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So let’s be real here, how many male political commentators are really hoping and praying that Michele Bachmann joins Sarah Palin in running for President in 2012? Object of course – a MILF cat fight/smackdown.

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The NHL is on its All Star Break, which means tonight about as many Americans are watching televised hockey as during the rest of the regular season.

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One of this year’s Super Bowl commercials will feature both Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne. Okay, I don’t know about the “good,” but we’ve certainly got the “bad” and the “ugly” down.

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This very gracious message just in today from George W. Bush: “While I admittedly have not been as focused on politics as I was when I was President, and while I have some differences with Barack Obama, I do want to wish him good luck before he makes his very important State of the Union speech.”

The statement was particularly surprising because it’s the first time anyone’s heard  W. say he was focused on politics when he was President.

 

 

Open note to United Airlines: Updates are nice, but when you are sitting on a delayed plane where you have already received messages saying it will leave at 745p and then 800p, and then at 813p you get an email saying the flight will now leave at 815p… here’s a hint – everyone who cares has probably figured that out.

Finally, an ex-Floridian joke, apologies if  too “inside baseball.”  So now that former Tea-Party darling Marco Rubio has won his Senate seat over Charlie Crist and Kendrick Meek, he has both been a no-show at the Tea-Party caucus, and hired a DC GOP insider-lobbyist as his chief of staff. Not surprised, the only “change he can believe in” has always seemed to be change lining Rubio’s pockets.

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Threat levels

January 27, 2011

The U.S. Government will be getting rid of the color coded threat-level warnings. Apparently John Boehner felt that it was racial profiling to refer to threat level “Orange.”.

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Jimmy Buffett has been hospitalized in stable condition after falling off a stage during a concert in Sydney, Australia. No word on what triggered the fall, maybe he was searching for his lost shaker of salt?

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127 hours” was a semi-surprise nomination for Best Picture. Let’s hope it’s also not the length of this year’s Oscar telecast.

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NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said that if there is a work stoppage he will cut his $10 million salary to $1. Of course, he didn’t add that if the owners break the Players union they will give him a $20 million bonus.

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A recent Danish study involving over 300,00 women found that having an abortion does not increase the risk of mental health problems, but having a baby does. Especially when that baby grows up to be a teenager.

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You cannot make this stuff up department: A travel client who probably flies 50,000 miles a year asked me for a nonstop flight from San Francisco to D.C. But she added, if it were cheaper, she would take a connection, as long as it departed and arrived at about the same times.

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Interior Secretary Ken Salazar was not at the State of the Union address last night, but denied rumors that saying he was planning to leave his post.  Apparently he just couldn’t get a date.

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So after all these SOTU “dates” last night, here’s the real question in Washington: which of these dates will result in a rose?

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from Marc Ragovin:  It was so refreshing to see that spirit of bipartisanship at the State of the Union. Indicted felons were sitting next to paroled felons.

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And this commie pinko quote was passed on to me by Erin Grove.

“Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is of course a tiny splinter group that believes you can do these things. …Their number is negligible and they are stupid.”

Who said it?  Former president Dwight David Eisenhower.

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The State of the Union.

January 26, 2011

Or as Sarah Palin remarked ‘State of the Union,”  As if.  Everyone knows there are 50 of them.

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And to anyone who by some chance had never seen a color picture of the Speaker of the House before, yes, he IS that orange. Please do not adjust your set.

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One question about all these bi-partisan “dates” Tuesday night at the State of the Union speech – who was supposed to buy who a corsage?

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The President said that we don’t just need to celebrate the winner of the Super Bowl, but also celebrate the winner of the Science Fair. Yeah, easy to say this week for a Bears fan.

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President Obama went out of his way to be inclusive with positive words for all. Fortunately no one spoiled it by asking him about Jay Cutler.

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From Bill Littlejohn:  “Among current and former NFL players that called out Jay Cutler’s toughness in Sunday’s NFC Championship Game was Deion Sanders.That’s like having your country’s toughness questioned by France.”
 

And btw, how come this “individual” liberty that Paul Ryan talked about in the Republican response somehow stops behind the bedroom door and for women in their doctor’s office?

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At a Tea Party event in Iowa, Michele Bachmann said, amongst other things, that our Founding Fathers “worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.” It’s enough to make you long for the intellectual depth of Sarah Palin.

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A Chicago car salesman wore a Green Bay Packers tie on Monday and was fired. Good thing he didn’t wear a Jay Cutler jersey, the guy might have been fired, tarred and feathered.

(Added Alex Kaseberg, he was thinking of wearing a Cutler jersey, but the jersey took itself out.)

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President Obama talked about the need to improve our country’s educational system, especially in the areas of science and technology. He also said that this was our “Sputnik” moment. Said most Americans “What’s Sputnik?”

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Former Wolverine quarterback Tate Forcier, who was academically ineligible for the Gator Bowl, said that he is considering transfering to Miami, Washington, Baylor, San Diego State, Middle Tennessee State and New Mexico.

Well, we now know the answer to the question “Name at least six schools with lower academic standards for athletes than Michigan”

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Grin and Bear it?

January 25, 2011

Chicago fans are still getting over their team’s loss to underdog Green Bay Sunday, and many of them are blaming the loss on the alleged fragility of Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, because they felt he should have played through whatever pain he was feeling.

In fact, some Chicagoans were so upset by the game, they had to take Monday off from work to recover.

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But hey, maybe Bears fans really should lay off Jay Cutler on this “whether or not he was injured” issue. Even if he wasn’t hurt that badly he actually helped out the team by having them end up with Caleb Hanie!

So if Jay Cutler ends up temporarily using a walker with his knee, will he be doing the “No Super Bowl Shuffle?”

If we didn’t already know that NFL football was a different world…. can you imagine the hype, or rather lack thereof, if the World Series was going to be between the Milwaukee Brewers and the Pittsburgh Pirates?

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Two Northern California counselors have founded “Men of Tears” workshops, based the idea that suppressing tears is detrimental to men’s individual physical and emotional health. Scary. If this is true, John Boehner may be the healthiest man on the planet.

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An Illinois court has rule Rahm Emanuel ineligible to run for Mayor of Chicago because he hasn’t been living in the city regularly since he started work at the White House.  I don’t get it. Since actually “living” in Chicago is not a requirement for voting, why should they be so picky about running for office there?

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Joe Biden was called for jury duty. Well, it’s not like he was doing anything anyway.

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Facebook informs me that I have ten friends who “like” Sarah Palin. But they don’t tell me if those friends are Republicans or comedy writers.

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from T.C.

Jhonattan Vegas won the PGA Bob Hope Classic this week. Microsoft execs are trying to sign him up to endorse their new Office 2011 software featuring the latest up to date “Spellcheck”. Of course this is due to The Open Winner Louis Oosthuizen rejected their offer.

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The Advocate named San Francisco only the 11th gayest city in the United States. San Francisco immediately issued an open challenge to you “ten over-rated bitches.”

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Today a University of  Tennessee spokesman said their athletics department is looking into whether a Volunteers basketball player received free use of a Knoxville bar to film a music video, which may be an NCAA violation.

Standby tomorrow for news that the investigation is over because it turns out the bar owner only talked to the kid’s dad.

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The NFL and other professional football.

January 24, 2011

(if this post seems out of order, it should have been up Saturday night, ah, technology.)

USC has gone back to the NCAA infractions committee in hopes of having their football bowl ban and other punishments reduced. The Trojans are basing their appeal on the recently discovered section of the rulebook best known as the Auburn-Ohio State codicil.

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Over 78,000 fans showed up at Auburn University’s Jordan-Hare Stadium to celebrate the team’s national championship. Makes sense, many of them wanted just to make sure they saw the trophy before the NCAA takes it back.

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Okay, so California this year had exactly zero good NFL teams.  On the other hand, game time temperature in Chicago Sunday afternoon was 19 degrees.  In Pittsburgh, 15 degrees. Before wind chill.  So how about those Giants?

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In the spirit of bi-partisanism, many lawmakers in Washington D.C. will be sitting during the State of the Union with rivals and colleagues they might barely talk with at other times. In fact, rumor has it Bill might even sit with Hillary.

 

Pope Benedict XVI told priests Saturday to try to do a better job with pre-marriage counselling, adding that no one has an “absolute right” to a wedding. Yes, and who better to decide the potential viability of a marriage than a bunch of theoretically celibate men?

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That video of the woman texting and walking into the fountain has become one of the most popular of the year. The only problem? The number of accidents caused by people watching it on their phones and/or fowarding it to their friends while driving.

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The state of California, once again, is in dire financial straits and may have to issue IOUs.  But former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger could actually help the state out for a change.  Now that he is out of office, he could soon be back paying taxes on his profits from lousy movies.

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Finally, on the anniversary of Roe V. Wade:  Speakerof the House  John Boehner likes to tout how important anti-choice legislation is to him and the GOP.

But I have a question, while reasonable people can disagree on the abortion issue, how anyone possibly claim to be both “Pro” life, and “Anti” banning assault weapons?

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Super, whether you like it or not.

January 24, 2011

So for several hours, America has known the participants in the February 6 Super Bowl.    And in a few more hours, the Super Bowl pre-game show will start.

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From Nick Coombs “Over/Under for the words “Roethelisberger” and “redemption” appearing in the same sentence in the next two weeks… 5000.”

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And let’s see, Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, Terry Bradshaw. Where’s the rule that says the importance of the game is inversely proportion to the quality of the national announcers.

But except for a few minutes when the Jets and Bears looked like they might actually pull off comebacks, how uninteresting  were these championship games?  Across America, men turned  to their wives and asking “So honey, want to go see “No Strings Attached?”

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Actually no team today played consistently well for more than a half. It was enough to make fans long for the  crisp execution of teams in the Pro Bowl.

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For any Canadian readers, the Montreal Alouettes had to be watching all four teams today and saying “We can take these guys.”

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If it had been Tom Brady and the Patriots against the Steelers today, instead of Mark Sanchez and the Jets, think the refs might have once again enforced the “tuck rule?

We already know what the answer would be if the Raiders were involved.  (Although it’s hard to imagine the Raiders these days anywhere near the AFC championship.)

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Okay, how many of you have added Caleb Hanie to their 2012 fantasy team?

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And wonder how many Bears fans actually started chanting for Rex Grossman?

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How low has the bi-partisanism bar been set in this country when this is considered news? On “Meet the Press,” Republican House Majority Leader Eric Cantor says he believes Obama is a citizen.

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Well, looks there will be some good news for New York fans after today. They can save the ridiculous sums they were planning to spend on going to the Super Bowl and use the money towards a down payment on Yankees tickets.

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Scary thought for baby boomers and post-boomers – Jack LaLanne was old when we STARTED watching him….

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And the following, forwarded by a friend, might be one of the best protest signs ever. And I’m not a religious person.

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Seventy years ago today….

January 22, 2011

Well, not exactly.  But the Green Bay Packers and Chicago Bears have not met in an NFL playoff game since 1941. And contrary to the jokes of comedians everywhere, Brett Favre was not the Green Bay quarterback that day. He was contemplating retirement at the time.’ 

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Despite months of speculation and backroom conversations, at this time Carmelo Anthony is still a Denver Nugget. If they do a documentary on this whole trade process, I assume it will be titled “The Indecision.”

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In hopes of rebuilding their image, HP has added new board members. Including Meg Whitman. And sure, when you think of being fiscally responsible, smart and forward thinking, don’t we all think of the woman who spent $150 million to win a job few people wanted, and then still lost in a landslide?

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In hopes of keeping most of their team together, and defending their World Series Championship, the San Francisco Giants have increased their payroll to a team record $115 million.  $115 million?!!.   Commented the New York Yankees “How cute.”

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Now that Cam Newton has formally decided to leave Auburn, has anyone told his father that the NFL draft doesn’t work on a “highest bidder” system?

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Okay, whether or not you like “Glee,” or cats, I challenge anyone to watch the new Xfinity commercial with Jane Lynch and the “limo cat,” without giggling.  Especially the tag line “And then the cat crushes him.”

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Cathy Cruz Marrero, the woman who fell into a fountain while texting, is considering suing, partly from the embarassment caused by someone leaking the video. And what a way to recover your privacy – go public with the complaints and appear on Good Morning America, for starters…

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A GOP spokesman said “We need to repeal Obamacare so Americans can find the healthcare plan that works best for them.” Well, if most Americans COULD find a plan that works for them, we wouldn’t have needed reform in the first place.

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Newt Gringrich has now apparently told friends he intends to run for President in 2012. And no doubt touting “family values,” though he cheated on both his first two wives AND filed for divorce from the first while she had cancer.  

Presidential material?  More like a Republican John Edwards with a cheaper haircut.

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From Bill Littlejohn, and with a special nod to my UM fan readers: A Columbus-area man, who  has created a Lego replica of Ohio State’s horseshoe-shaped football stadium, says the project took about two years to complete. He said it would’ve been finished sooner had it not been suspended for five games.’

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Vampires and other creatures.

January 21, 2011

Bill Maher once made this comment about the healthcare debate: “If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'” And recently Maher received an angry rebuttal – from the vampires’ union.

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Meanwhile, Speaker of the House John Boehner has declared that ending federal funding for abortion will be a top priority for the House during this legislation session. Well, that and overturning of the Obama healthcare bill’s new tax on tanning salons.

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Kobe Bryant is going to become the first professional athlete to set his hands and feet in cement at Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood.   Cleveland fans would like Lebron to follow him, although preferably with the full burial treatment. 

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Meanwhile Rex Ryan has contacted Grauman’s.  If the Jets win the Super Bowl he doesn’t want a ceremony for himself. But he wants to watch the next one.

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Kat Von D. says she’s the “happiest girl on earth,” now that she’s engaged to Sandra Bullock’s ex-husband Jesse James.  “But don’t you think you might have unrealistic expectations for this marriage,” asked Hugh Hefner?

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Scary thought listening to Joe Lieberman, we almost elected both him and John Edwards as Vice President…. Which of them would have turned out to be a bigger disaster for the Democratic party?

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Prosecutors have charged former Iowa wide receiver Derrell Johnson-Koulianos with unlawful possession of marijuana, cocaine, AND prescription drugs for anxiety, pain and sleep. but they dropped the original and more serious charge of keeping a drug house.

Why would they drop the charges when there was such a large quantity of  drugs found in the player’s possession?  Apparently the D.A.s office just wanted to follow NCAA football standards.

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The National Enquirer is reporting that Sarah Palin’s husband Todd is involved in an affair with a massage therapist.  And of course, if it is true, it would be beneath Democrats to gloat.  Although maybe okay to giggle if Sarah tries to blame this as usual on the liberal media.

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Groaner from T.C.  (And if you are too young to get it, consider yourself lucky.)

Groaner of the month for seniors: Carmelo Anthony doesn’t want to be a Net. Maybe he’d rather be Jimmie, or Cubbie, or Doreen, or Tommy or……….

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Raiders of the Just Plain Lost.

January 20, 2011

LeBron James has announced his new cartoon series “The LeBrons,” that will “teach our nation’s online youth about the importance of morality and honor in a young person’s life.” (No, I am not making this up.) Will lesson one be “Don’t let your ego lead you into bad Decisions?” 

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Rush Limbaugh  mocked China’s president Hu Jintao by speaking in nonsensical, ersatz Chinese.

Okay, fine, a comedian may claim not to be racist and still mock a politician’s unintelligible speech, but if so, why didn’t Rush mock George W Bush by speaking in nonsensical ersatz English?

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The GOP-led house today voted to repeal “Obamacare,” in a largely symbolic vote intended to express their distaste for a government role in healthcare. Well, if they feel that strongly about it, why don’t they all take the larger symbolic step of giving up their OWN government-paid healthcare.

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At this year’s Super Bowl fans will have the opportunity to spend $200 to sit outside Cowboys Stadium on the lawn and watch the game on a big screen.   Inspired by the idea, for the 2011 season, the New York Yankees are already negotiating with Bronx officials about leasing any available park  or lawn space near their stadium.

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And President Obama said he will go to the Super Bowl if his beloved Bears win on Sunday.  No word on how much Cowboys owner Jerry Jones will charge him for tickets.

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New Raiders coach Hue Jackson said the team is “chasing greatness.” Yes, like dogs chase cars.

(And with about the same chance of actually catching their target.)

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Al Davis now seems to think Hue Jackson is the answer for the Oakland Raiders. Of course, each time Larry King probably always believes that “death do us part” stuff too

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A recent survey, complete with breath tests, outside of MLB and NFL stadiums showed that eight percent of fans left the games legally drunk. Shocking. If true this means 92 percent of fans were theoretically sober?

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Congresswoman Giffords is making great progress in her recovery and will soon be moved to a  rehabilitation facility, where according to her doctors “she will have to relearn how to think and plan.”  When she does that, maybe she can also teach some of her fellow members in Congress?

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There were apparently short toasts at the White House Wednesday night before the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. And Jintao’s toast of course preceded that of President Obama. Because we all know the protocol – Hu’s on first

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Hot and cold.

January 19, 2011

 

The Miami Heat have now lost four in a row.   No punchline, it’s just really fun to write that.

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A federal grand jury in Los Angeles has apparently unearthed damaging evidence against Lance Armstrong in their doping inquiry. Okay, Armstrong’s is a great story. But did we ever really believe that when a whole sport was dirty, the cancer survivor winning all the races was also the only one who was clean?

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Senator Joe Lieberman said he will not seek re-election. Apparently he thinks it’s time to retire to his lilypad.

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The FCC has approved Comcast’s purchase of NBC despite the concerns of some legislators and consumer groups that it might be anti-competitive. Apparently it might have been different had Comcast actually tried to purchase a major network.

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Seattle Mariners outfielder Milton Bradley was arrested again, this time for allegedly making threats against a woman.  Is this part of Major League Baseball’s “Seven strikes and you’re out” policy?

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Stanford University says they have a problem with “failure-deprived” students, who have never had to dealt with disappointment before. The school has thus launched the “Resilence Project” to present stories of failure from successful people. Wonder if the project includes field trips to Wrigley Field?

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Chad Pennington, 34, has decided to try another comeback. This time after his fourth shoulder surgery. Even Brett Favre is saying, “Dude, give it up already.”

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Yet another masseuse has come forward to say she received unwelcome text messages from Brett Favre and other members of the Minnesota Vikings. While I realize that not all NFL players are Neanderthals, maybe masseuses and hostesses who deal with them should at least learn the “call blocking” feature on their phones?

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And once again, can we all be thankful that texting hadn’t been invented when Bill Clinton was president?

The GOP-led Congress says they want to repeal Obamacare in favor of their own healthcare reform plan, although they have not provided details. My question….just where was this plan when they controlled the Presidency and both houses of Congess from 2002-2006?

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Sargent Shriver died today at the age of 95. Or as John McCain said “So tragically young.”

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Dick Cheney said that he is considering a heart transplant. Why now, when he’s lived fine for 69 years without one?

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From my friend Jerry Perisho:  Bill Clinton is in Chicago campaigning for Rahm Emanuel. At least, that’s what he told Hillary he was doing.

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More MLK thoughts…

January 18, 2011

 A Greeley, Colorado school board member and radio station owner denouncedMLK day, because, among other things, Dr. King was unfaithful to his wife. With all due respect, if this becomes a criteria in judging a man’s life, we’re going to be tearing down a lot of those monuments in Washington.

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Neal commented yesterday “All dreams must never die.”

Though even MLK might have had to pause in the face of Cubs fans.

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This has been a shockingly year so far in the NFL. A 7-9 team made the playoffs. And, both of last year’s Super Bowl contenders are already out of the playoffs, along with the highly touted Patriots and Falcons. At least fans of continuity can take comfort in the fact that Brett Favre did file his annual retirement papers.

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Hue Jackson was officially named the Oakland Raiders’ latest head coach. Wonder which will last longer – his tenure as coach or Hugh Hefner’s marriage?

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Some commentators are now saying that Rex Ryan’s antics before the Patriots game were designed to divert attention from and reduce pressure on Matt Sanchez. When asked Ryan allegedly just smiled and said he would never tell the media exactly what game is afoot.

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Has anyone told the Jets and Patriots that the trash talking normally stops once the game is over?

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Dick Cheney now says he offered to step aside as Vice President several times. But the president always turned him down. Makes sense, if that had happened W. would have actually had to run the country.

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Starbucks is coming out with a new 32 ounce coffee,the Trenta. And for fans of the chain’s fanciest and most expensive drinks, presumably this will be the first menu item that can be paid for under an installment plan.

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In response to the controversy over her crosshairs and “blood libel” comment, Sarah Palin said her critics are “not going to shut her up.”  “Thank God,” responded Democratic fundraisers.

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Happy MLK day…

January 16, 2011

Many stores are having Martin Luther King sales this weekend.  Wonder what Dr. King would think of the fact that for many Americans the “dream” has become “30 percent off all clearance merchandise.

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Traditionally  January has been the time of year for “White Sales.”   It just doesn’t, however, now seem appropriate for stores to be advertising cheap white sheets.

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Refrain heard all over New Orleans today – “How the h*ll did we lose to these guys?”

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But, okay, even as a Stanford fan,  guess it’s time to root for the Jets next week against the Steelers. Got to suck it up and choose the USC quarterback over the rapist.

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Any guesses as to who Rex Ryan will decide it’s personal with next week?

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Ravens, Falcons, Seahawks. Hard to imagine a worse couple days for birds unless the cat lobby gets bell collars outlawed.

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One thing for sure about today’s Jets-Patriots game at Gillette Stadium, possible AFC MVP Tom Brady was definitely not “the best a man can get.”

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And the Jets played like they might be almost as good as they think they are

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The last time Tom Brady had such bad results with completing passes, a little pink cross on a plastic stick was involved.

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And while the Seahawks made it respectable towards the end of the game,  Pete Carroll had to be thinking for much of the game that he got better performances out of his paid players at USC.

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The Los Angeles Clippers beat the Los Angeles Lakers 99-92.   Frustrated Lakers fans blamed the loss on the Clippers’ home court advantage.

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SI.com actually referred to the Clippers-Lakers as a rivalry game.  A sign of how things are changing?  That matchup has been as historically as much of a rivalry game as a mouse has with a cat.

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The  “Social Network” won an Golden Globe for “best picture.”  Ironic because Facebook has probably done more than any other American recent phenomenon to keep Americans occupied in their spare time without going to (or renting) movies.

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Missed America?

January 15, 2011

Miss Nebraska, Teresa Scanlan, who won’t reach her 18th birthday until February, was crowned Miss America in Las Vegas.   So yes, Janis Ian, once again, at 17,  love was meant for beauty queens.

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But really, 17 years old?  Scanlan is so young not even her parents probably remember when the pageant was relevant.

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Fox announcers just stated that Seattle-Chicago will be a “really fun game” tomorrow. Translation, well, we sure as hope it will be better than this Packers-Falcons matchup where we lost much of our audience at halftime.

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Today the Green Bay Packers took on the Atlanta Falcons in the playoffs while Brett Favre sits at home. Just think, if it were up to him Favre would still be the Packers’ QB.   But then he’d have still spent the day sitting at home.

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The Ravens came up just short today, but they still hold the honor of being the only professional team named for a poem.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger said that counting expenses and lost income from acting in Hollywood films,”serving as California governor probably cost him at least $200 million,  Which alas is nothing compared to what it cost the state.

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CBS is standing behind Charlie Sheen and has announced he will remain on “Two and a half men”. But if it doesn’t work out Sheen does have a backup offer from “Jersey Shore.”

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The Miami Heat have lost three in a row since Lebron James sent his tweet slamming Cavs fans and invoking God.    Could this be the second biggest mistake Lebron has made in the past year involving a decision?

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Well, Jim Harbaugh certainly has a challenge in front of him as the 49ers coach next year. But for 2011, who would have expected he’d already have more wins than his brother.

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And the following, forwarded by my friend Michael Duca, is the link to a letter written by a Cleveland fan to the Browns in 1974, complaining about the  perceived menace of thrown paper airplanes.  Depending on who you root for, the Browns’ response might be the most fun you have with football all weekend:

http://deadspin.com/5716038/the-greatest-letter-ever-printed-on-nfl-team-letterhead?skyline=true&s=i

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Floored.

January 15, 2011

For all those who said Nike founder Phil Knight couldn’t have wasted money on anything that looked sillier than the Oregon Ducks’ BCS championship uniforms (with day-glo shoes and socks),  I give you…. the new Oregon basketball floor.

And those are trees on the wood, not water stains.

Just think, had Knight only been an SEC or USC grad he wouldn’t have to come up with all these ways to spend money on athletics-  he could have given the case directly to the players.  (or their fathers.)

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So much for the lifelong glory of that Hall of Fame football career. Actual headline today in the SF Examiner – “Former ‘Dancing with the Stars’ ‘star’ Lawrence Taylor – probation in rape case.

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The Octomom said today in an interview on Oprah that she was addicted to having children. Another shocking revelation in a week that brought us Nicole Kidman’s admission of having used Botox.

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Maine Republican Governor Paul LePage is skipping an event on MLK day and told the NAACP chapter when they complained that they can “kiss my butt.” Interesting choice of words for a man who is also opposed to gay rights.

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Rich Rodriguez, the recently fired Wolverines football coach, said he donated over 400 maize-and-blue items he amassed during his three years in Ann Arbor to the Salvation Army. The University of Michigan, equally committed to avoid waste, donated all their Rich Rodriguez items to a local composting operation.

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While soliciting bids for a plate at a charity auction, Andre Agassi, who is married to Steffi Graff, said if the bidding reached $4000, he would show the winner a naked picture of his wife on his cell phone. Bill Clinton is planning a similar idea- unless the bidding goes well, he will show the winner a naked picture of HIS wife.

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According to Manny Ramirez’s agent, at least five MLB teams have shown interest in signing the temperamental slugger. “I’ll take ‘gluttons for punishment’ for $600, Alex.”

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Tim Pawlenty says he’s either going to “run for president or open a margarita bar.” Moderate Republicans around the country are setting up a fund to get Sarah Palin a nice little leased storefront in Wasilla with plenty of tequila.

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Cam, we hardly knew ye.

January 14, 2011

Or at least beyond what the NCAA considered reasonable doubt.

Auburn quarterback and Heisman winner Cam Newton declared for the NFL draft.  Just in time for the NCAA to complete their investigation and say he WOULD have been suspended for the 2011 season.

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Newton was asked, if like Andrew Luck, he has plans some day to complete his degree. His response “What’s a degree?”

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One good fit for Cam Newton might be playing for Pete Carroll in Seattle.  After all, after all Carroll’s years at USC, who else has more experience in dealing with semi-pro players?.

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Football coach Les Miles has agreed to a seven year contract at LSU. This way he might see some of his current freshmen actually graduate.

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The San Jose Sharks have  now lost six games in a row.   Who do they think they are?  The Maple Leafs?

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Stand by for Waffle Night at the Shark Tank.  Or maybe since this is the food-obsessed Bay Area, Crepes.

(Note to non-hockey fans, disgruntled Leafs fans, if that isn’t redundant,  started throwing waffles on the ice to express their displeasure with the team, although Toronto is actually winning lately.)

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Ted Williams, the formerly homeless man with the amazing voice, is headed to rehab. Well, we knew he wanted to get into acting. Maybe he wants to work with Lindsay Lohan.

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New Cardinal head football coach David Shaw, 38, says he wants to be a “lifer” at Stanford. Don’t laugh, he’s starting out in the job two years younger than Joe Paterno was when he took over at Penn State.

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Cunard’s ships the Queen Mary, Queen Victoria and Queen Elizabeth all sailed together in New York harbor Thursday and were honored with a fireworks display.   It was the most gala event involving three British queens since Queen Elizabeth and the Queen Mother attended an Elton John concert.

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Condoleezza Rice apparently once told the NY Times that football “is a kind of national pastime that brings people together across social lines, across racial lines.” She’s right, if you asked people in D.C. who they’d most like to see run out of town, at the top of most people’s lists – rich, poor, black, white – would be Redskins owner Dan Snyder.

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Augie commented on a joke about the BWI Ravens that maybe they should be the IAD Redskins.  Though I think most D.C. fans would call them the DOA Redskins.

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Karmic tweeting.

January 13, 2011

Tweet from Lebron James attacking Cleveland Fans – “Crazy. Karma is a … Gets you every time. Its [sic] not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!”
Yep, and tonight God apparently saw that tweet – Heat 105, Clippers 111.

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Apparently James also forgot this little earlier directive from God:

Proverbs  16-18  “Pride goes before destruction,     a haughty spirit before a fall.

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Open note to all NBA players.  If you are going to showboat and dunk, it is a good idea to put the ball in the basket.

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Nicole Kidman has finally admitted to using Botox. In related news, Elton John is still gay.

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How anti-climactic was Kidman’s Botox admission?  No one raised an eyebrow in Hollywood, not even both women left in town who could do that.

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The Atlanta area and much of the southeast is still trying to dig out after this week’s snow and ice storm. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for some locals to say that the Falcons would have a serious chance to get to the Super Bowl “when hell freezes over.”

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The Speaker of the House hosted a cocktail party tonight for RNC committee members. Featuring no doubt “Boehner punch” – it seems bland and orange but one glass will bring you to tears.

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Apparently the morning before his alleged shooting rampage, Jared Loughner was pulled over by a policeman for running a red light, but let off with a warning and no search of his car. Have to wonder, what would have happened had his name been, say, Julio Gonzalez?

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Not sure about the rest of the country, but sounds like the Jets and Patriots certainly didn’t get the “can we try a little civility?” message.

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And for most of the country, outside of New York and New England, this Jets-Patriots game now presents a dilemma – for one day you’ve actually got to root for one of these teams.

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I’m willing to take the high road here and accept Sarah Palin’s word that she had no idea how offensive the term “blood libel” is to Jews and anyone who knows the history of the term. But isn’t this another example of why we actually want our potential leaders to be educated people?

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Okay, even if Americans are willing to concede the 2nd amendment, and willing to accept that guns are not any more inherently dangerous than a car, here’s a question: Why can’t it simply be as hard to buy a gun as it is to get a driver’s license

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Hail to the once and maybe future Victors?

January 12, 2011

So Michigan finally tapped Brady Hoke as their next coach.  And yeah, how’s this for a vote of confidence for starters….?  Well, it took us a while  to decide there were better options out there than the guy we spent millions to get from West Virginia.  Then our first choice turned us down to either remain at Stanford or go with the 49ers. And our second choice decided to stay with LSU.   But really, Brady, you’re the man. 

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Carnac moment: Answer – “Hoke Pokey” – Question. What will be Michigan’s excuse for firing their new coach if he doesn’t get the Wolverines’ program turned around FAST?

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A formerly out-of-work Fremont, California man has opened “Your Coffee Cups,” Northern California’s first drive-thru coffee stand with bikini-clad baristas. Business is apparently going well enough that he’s considering expanding. Could this be the beginning of a new Silicone Valley?

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Once again, the “you cannot make this stuff up department.” A U.S. Border Patrol agent was arrested today in San Diego. The charge, harboring his illegal immigrant father. (Who had been deported twice starting in 2007.) The father, for what it’s worth, escaped and remains at large.

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The NFL players’ union says the league’s proposal for an 18 game season is just “unacceptable” and a “slap in the face.” Well, except for teams that might end up with those two extra games against the Carolina Panthers, the Denver Broncos or the NFC West.

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Oregon coach Chip Kelly may not have won the national championship, but he might get the award for the most honest interview answer. When asked if he had any thoughts when he heard Andrew Luck was coming back, his response was “Yeah, I threw up, to be honest with you.”

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Jim Harbaugh may not have gone to Michigan from Stanford because he felt the school’s academic standards for athletes were too low. But Les Miles may have turned down the Wolverines offer and remained at LSU because Michigan’s academic standards are too high.

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MySpace announced they are laying off half their global staff. The news caught most Americans by surprise – MySpace still HAS a global staff?

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Bill Littlejohn, after Boston Celtics center Shaquille O’Neal playfully shouted “Why? Why? Why?” after the NBA docked him $35,000 for criticizing officials: “Gee, did he get fined or get hit in the knee by Tonya Harding?”

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And this inspired by a conversation with Littlejohn:   After interviewing with nine different teams over the years, Ron Riviera finally was named head coach, for the Carolina Panthers.  If this works out well, he hopes his next job will to be coach a professional team.

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But really, nine interviews?  Riviera was becoming the Susan Lucci of the NFL.

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They’re over.

January 11, 2011

Yes, the  BCS bowl games are done for 2010-2011.    But the BCS committee would tell you there’s a reason they need so many games over such a long period.  And might consider more.   I mean, out of 120 FBS (Division 1) teams, as it is now a full 50 of them actually have to stay home instead of going to the postseason.

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Sloppy sloppy national title game. Of course maybe this has something to with the fact that it seems like there was more time between the end of the regular season and the BCS game, than there is between the end of the World Series and when pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training.

Andrew Luck decided to forego the NFL draft so he could return to college and get his degree. Cam Newton still has eligibility left (after attending three schools) and was asked if he would consider the same thing. Replied Newton – “What’s a degree?

Well, after the trouble the Ohio State players got into for selling stuff, there’s no chance that Cam Newton will try to sell any memorabilia from the BCS championship. He’ll have his dad put it on Ebay.

LaMichael James is on criminal probation, Cam Newton says he had no idea his father was “shopping” him. Maybe we should call this the “Crooks and Liars” bowl.

One reason Jim Harbaugh may have chosen the 49ers over the Wolverines might be his well-publicized feelings on Michigan’s low academic standards for athletes. Well, that won’t be a problem if Michigan tries to hire Les Miles from LSU.

TMI department: Between John Boehner’s tears and Rex Ryan’s foot fetish (and everything being personal), it’s enough to make you long for the days when men were emotionally repressed in public.

There’s a new iPad app to follow Cam Newton’s season with Auburn.   But you can’t buy it for yourself.  Your dad has to do the shopping.

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From Alex Kaseberg:  The top New Year resolutions are to cut out junk food, gambling, drinking and smoking. So if you’re hung-over in the Las Vegas airport eating a Cinnabon in the smoking area, you’ve already blown it.

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Rush Limbaugh says the media is “unnecessarily stirring up the country” with the “insane” premise that hateful rhetoric from people like himself and Sarah Palin may have contributed to the shootings in Tucson. Interesting comments from the same man who speculated that the Gulf Oil explosion and spill was the work of “environmentalist wackos”, and blamed Al Gore for inciting them.

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And finally a little rant about the media’s coverage of Chistina Taylor Green, the 9 year old girl who was shot and killed at the Giffords rally.  There have been stories how tragic it was because she was born on Sept 11, because she was the granddaughter of formerPhillies manager Dallas Green, because she was the daughter of a Dodgers’ employee.

Excuse me, she was an innocent 9 year old little girl, her killing was tragic, PERIOD.

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