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Upset stomachs.

March 18, 2011
March 17 was a day for upset stomachs  – for drinkers and nondrinkers alike, the day after St. Patrick’s Day.    Especially for those who had Louisville into the Final Four.
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There was actually a semi-upset in the play-in round, as the relatively unheralded VCU Rams knocked off the  USC Trojans, 59-46.   USC players were particularly upset after the game and wishing they’d gone to the NIT.  Now all that’s left for them this year is the prospect of going to class.
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#13 Morehead State 62, #4 Louisville 61. This might be the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to coach Rick Pitino, at least while he kept his pants on.
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Ken Griffey, Jr now says that he abruptly retired last year because he felt he had “become a distraction.”  Upon hearing the news Brett Favre giggled.
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San Diego Chargers linebacker Kevin Burnett called NFL commissioner Roger Goddell a “blatant liar” in an radio interview. Goddell was shocked – a University Tennessee football graduate knows the word “blatant?”
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A co-pilot for United Express has been charged with flying while drunk on a flight last December from Austin to Denver. Wonder if this means the next airline ticket surcharge will be for a breathalyzer in the cockpit?

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Actor Michael Gough, 94, died today. His most memorable role, on television and in the movies was as Alfred Pennyworth, Bruce Wayne/Batman’s butler. Wonder if God called him home on the Batphone?

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SF Giants’ ace Tim Lincecum was quoted in the SF Chronicle as saying his favorite “In and Out Burger’ order is  “Three Double-Doubles. Two fries. A chocolate-strawberry shake. Ketchup please, but hold the lettuce and tomatoes.”

Wow, wonder what would give a skinny little guy like him such a major case of the munchies?

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A sign that we’re getting closer to the beginning of the regular season and real baseball.  Wednesday night The Mariners’ Milton Bradley was ejected for the first time in 2011 

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Now that several of OSUs star players, including QB Terrelle Pryor, have been suspended 5 games for selling memorabilia, coach Jim Tressel has requested his own suspension also be increased to 5 games. Partly this may be in hopes of leniency from the NCAA. Or partly it may be, with his stars gone, Tressel doesn’t want the potential losses on his watch.

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St Patrick’s Day madness.

March 17, 2011
Okay, I’m not a Catholic. But who put the corned beef and cabbage holiday smack in the middle of Lent?’
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New St. Paddy’s toast: “May your troubles last as long as your intact brackets.”
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A note in advance, before you crow over your first upset, you get more crediblity if you  know where your “team” s college actually is. At least have it narrowed down to the right state.  And having some clue of the team’s  mascot doesn’t hurt either.
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Hooters is encouraging fans to visit “HootersHookyDay.com to download both a doctor’s note and a free appetizer coupon for this Thursday and Friday during the NCAA first round basketball games. Of course, if you spend several hours drinking beer and eating Hooters chicken wings you won’t need to fake the doctor’s note the next day.
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The Republican National Committe chair criticized President Obama for taking time to fill out a NCAA bracket in the midst of the “budget and other pressing issues?” Give me a break, Barack picked the top seed to win each bracket. How much time could it have taken?
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Neil Diamond was inducted last night into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. If Elvis wasn’t dead this just killed him.
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The NFL says they will give out more suspensions for illegal hits in 2011. Actually the way it looks like things are going, there will be NO illegal hits in 2011. Or any other hits for that matter
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Michele Bachman is still complaining about the  media’s treatment of  her because she stated, twice, that the “shot heard round the world” that started the Revolutionary war was fired in Lexington, New Hamphire.
Meanwhile, other Republicans are trying to make sure Bachman doesn’t have any speaking engagements scheduled in Alamo, California.
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Federal prosecutors released voicemail messages from Barry Bonds to his mistress. The claim is because Bonds sounds like a angry jerk in many of them, that this was the result of steroids fueled rage. The defense will presumably counter with the argument – Barry has ALWAYS been a jerk.
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The Sacramento Kings have already filed trademark registrations for four names in preparation for a possible move to Southern California:  Anaheim Royals, Anaheim Royals of Southern California, Orange County Royals and Los Angeles Royals. 
Well, considering how much the team stinks on a regular basis, a more fitting  name might be the Kansas City Royals, but that’s already taken.
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And regarding this Sacramento Kings/Royals stuff.  Aren’t American Indian tribes suing to stop what they feel that it’s insulting to their name to have it on a team’s  mascots?   So I presume some relative of the British royal family might know enough basketball to issue a “cease and desist” order to the team wherever they end up.
On the other hand, if the Lakers wanted to call themselves the Royals, this could probably be arranged.
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Atlanta Braves minor league manager and former player Luis Salazar will lose an eye after being hit in the face with a foul line drive during a spring training game. Sad, but amazing this doesn’t happen more often. Especially at places like A T & T park in San Francisco, where half the fans in field club pay more attention to their cell phones than the game.

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More madness.

March 15, 2011

I know it’s only March, but for Time’s Person of the Year 2011, I think the clear frontrunner is Mother Nature.

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Yesterday I posted that there was ONE good basketball team in Northern California – the Stanford women. But realized later, I had forgotten the St. Mary’s Gaels, who just missed the NCAA men’s tournament and got a one seed in the NIT.

Tonight the Gaels lost in the first round to Kent State.  So the Stanford women stand alone.

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Here’s a thought about the NIT.   With the new NCAA 68 team format, does the NIT winner get to cut down the nets and yell “We”re number 69?

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Al Gore has apparently signed a deal to write a new book. No word on the title yet, but the volume will apparently be marketed as the best thing since Tylenol PM.

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T.C. wonders if Paul the Octopus could pick the Elite Eight.  And across America, millions of Americans struggling to fill out their brackets are muttering “why did that creature have to die before I really needed him.”

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Michele Bachman said she “made a mistake” saying that the Revolutionary War started in Lexington, NH. But that this proves media bias since they didn’t make as much of Barack Obama’s saying he’d campaigned in 57 states. Well, maybe because Obama made the gaffe once and acknowledged it quickly.

And Bachman repeated her misstatement in a second speech and didn’t acknowledge the mistake for days.

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Many in England are wondering why Sarah Ferguson wasn’t invited to the Royal Wedding.  Uh, maybe because she’s the closest thing British royalty has these days to Charlie Sheen?

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Yes, Virginia, there are limits. In Florida, despite NRA lobbying, Senate Republicans scrapped plans to allow guns on college campuses. Guess even the GOP didn’t want to risk arming fans at Florida-Florida State games.

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Despite a spate of injuries and pressure from their sponsors, the NHL is leaning towards not implementing rule changes to curb concussions. Instead, the league will push for tighter enforcement of current penalties. Here’s a suggestion – you injure someone with an illegal hit, you are suspended as long as they are unable to return to the ice.

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Interesting and distracting question on a KNBR talk show tonight – if you could go back in time and attend one sporting event, what would it be? My first choice might be the Belmont in 1973. (The one that Secretariat won by about 33 lengths.)

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Hard choices?

March 15, 2011

While it is against the law for Medicare to pay for prescriptions for  Viagra and other ED  treatments, the Health and Human Services department found the government health program paid claims worth over $3  million for those drugs.

So where are the Tea Party members of Congress standing up and saying government needs to make some “not so hard” choices?

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Meanwhile, the bitching begins about NCAA tourney picks.  And agreed, the Big East and ACC and Pac 10 were probably ranked too high.    But come on, teams with 8-9-10-11  losses, complaining  they didn’t get a chance to play for a national championship?

At TCU, for example, they’re not getting out the violins.

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Michele Bachman on her “geographic malfunction.” “So I misplaced the battles Concord and Lexington by saying they were in New Hampshire. It was my mistake, Massachusetts is where they happened. New Hampshire is where they are still proud of it!” If she’s going to insult states’ patriotism where’s her comment on all the Texans who want to secede?

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Or from Marc Ragovin:  Michele Bachmann has apologized for mistakenly saying that the battle of Lexington and Concord occurred in New Hampshire and not Massachusetts. She said that what she meant to say was that Barack Obama is a Muslim

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Nestle’s Lean Cuisine division announced a major recall of their spaghetti with meatballs because it may contain foreign materials. What, like meat?

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Commie pinko time:

The situation in Japan is beyond awful. But part of the problem apparently is that the Japanese regulatory agency largely leaves it to the utility company to determine if a site is safe. Yeah, that deregulation has worked so well in the U.S., with say, the financial industry.

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Back to reality, or rather unreality. So who made the bigger mistake? The NCAA by, again, not picking Virignia Tech? Or Brad by not picking Chantal?

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Monday night was “the Bachelor” season finale.  A good night for many American households – most women got to control the VCR, while men cheerfully worked on their brackets.

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Jed York just posted this about the NFL lockout on the 49ers website “The ultimate goal is to establish an agreement that is good for the long-term health of the league and provides a tremendous product for you, our fans.” Wonder if he typed this with a straight face?

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If  the NFL lockout shows signs of going more than a few months, will Cam Newton apply for a  amateur reinstatement and another year of eligiblity,  saying his father told him to go pro?

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No Northern California teams are in the mens’ NCAA tournament. Which is a shame. The Sacramento Kings could have been at least a six seed.

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All this talk about a “No-fly” zone over Libya. Northern California travelers would know it would be simpler if we really wanted to bring air traffic to a halt – just put SFO air traffic controllers in charge of the country.

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Pool parties

March 14, 2011

So now it’s down to 68. That’s teams playing for the men’s college basketball championship, not Republicans running for the Presidency in 2012.  (Though the number has to be getting pretty close to that.)

This year, with 68 teams in the NCAA tournament, the games start Tuesday instead of Thursday. Which means two less days to fill out brackets. So much for two of the only productive U.S. worker days in March. 

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So let’s see, USC was selected for a play-in game against VCU.  This after their coach was suspended for the end of the Pac 10 tournament after getting into such a heated argument with an opposing team booster that police were called.

Now, the Trojans are in a bracket where they will play first in Dayton, then in Chicago, which means no doubt a preponderance of East Coast and Midwest fans.  Let’s see, a coach known to be volatile, a program that many Americans love to hate, and playing about 2000 miles from home.  The best action here could be off the court.

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No Northern California teams are in the mens’ NCAA tournament. Which is a shame. The Sacramento Kings could have been at least a six seed.

(and no folks, Oakland is not in California.  Not the Oakland  that’s in the tournament. The University is in Rochester, Michigan.)

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Actually NCAA pools should give a bonus to those who can correctly identify, without Google. where  Oakland, Wofford, Morehead State, Hampton and St. Peters are located. For starters.

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Many are still buzzing about Michele Bachman’s gaffe of claiming the “shot heard round the world” was fired in Lexington, New Hampshire.    Wonder what would happen if she ended up in a room of old time Giants and Dodgers fans.

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One of those days no doubt for at least two travelers.. An announcement at Dulles airport: “Will arriving passengers on flight XYZ please check to see if they have removed their own carry-on bag from the overhead bin and if not, please return immediately to gate C20.”

From my twisted friend  Jim Barach. 

Researchers conducting a shark census off the California Coast have found just 219 Great White sharks. There may actually have been more, but census workers just seemed to keep disappearing…

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Answers to the University “quiz” –   Hampton is in Virginia.  Morehead State is in Kentucky. Wofford is in South Carolina.   And St. Peters is in New Jersey (yes, I had to look that last one up.)

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Springing forward….

March 12, 2011
There were long lines at Apple Stores this weekend for the new iPad 2.  Well, it’s not like most of those in line were missing anything important, like a date.
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Disney’s animated movie “Mars needs Moms,” about a boy whose mom gets kidnapped by Martians, bombed Fridayat the box office with only a $1.7 million take.  Makes sense, the concept sounds scary to young kids, and teenagers already think their moms ARE martians.
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Another in the long line of “Does this really need a punchline” items:
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Michele Bachmann made her first visit to New Hampshire as a 2012 potential presidental candidate. And not once but twice told Republican crowds,  “You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world at Lexington and Concord.”
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Give the gal a break though, living in Minnesota she can’t see New England from her house.
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Rick Santorum (2011) on Newt Gingrich- the indiscretions are “not an issue” with regard to where he stands on matters of policy. Rick Santorum (1999) – after voting to convict Bill Clinton – “I think it’s a sign of decadence and decay. Which is a threat to the fabric of this country.”
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NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and league general counsel Jeff Pash said they are cutting their salaries to $1 each during the lockout. No word on how many millions they will get in a bonus from the owners if they break the players union.
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Despite Scott Walker’s already signing the anti-collective bargaining agreement into law, Wisconsin labor protesters are refusing to quit. Well, maybe Brett Favre didn’t set such a bad example after all.
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As we approach NCAA Selection Sunday,, here’s a headline most sports fans thought they’d never see “Harvard on bubble after tough loss.”
(Normally the only bubbles  Harvard men are concerned with have to do with the stock market.)
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Cris Collingsworth was among those rescued when a floating barge restaurant broke loose across from Cincinnati and drifted down the Ohio. Normally the only people up that river without a paddle are Bengals fans.
(My friend Tony asks “But is Cris’s hair okay?”   The good news answer is that his hair is in stable condition but doctors expect it to make a full recovery.)

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Shocks and aftershocks.

March 11, 2011

On a serious if snide note – To all Tea Partiers and others who want to slash government spending absolutely to the bone:. How do you feel about cutting the USGS (United States Geological Survey) and FEMA budgets now?

(my sister, a seismologist, points out that if we were in a government shutdown, it would be illegal for any USGS employee to do any work or even talk to the media right now.)

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And back to a semi-lighter note.  The Government of Japan has issued warnings for residents NOT to head to the coast to see the waves. Can we just give anyone who disobeys those orders a Darwin award right now? 

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Think you’re feeling lonely today? Imagine being a Republican union member in Wisconsin.

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House Speaker John Boehner said that the Obama administration is exacerbating rising energy costs. Tough words from a man who isn’t even willing to cut down on his own personal use of electricity with his tanning bed.

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‎30 million votes for the first, relatively trivial, night of American Idol? Maybe the producers can adjust the show so that the final is in the fall – combining it with the general election might actually increase turnout.

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The three officials who missed two major turnovers in the last seconds of the St. John’s-Rutgers game have voluntarily withdrawn from the remainder of the Big East tournament. Well, it’s not like they were doing anything anyway.

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The Dalai Lama says he’s retiring. Responded Brett Favre “The first time is the hardest.”

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Charlie Sheen thinks Rob Lowe would be a good replacement for him on “Two and a Half Men.” On the other hand, Muammar Qaddafi might soon be available.

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David Brooks may have ignited a controversy by saying of Newt Gingrich “I wouldn’t let that guy run a 7-11, let alone the country.”  Brooks has already had a angry demand for an immediate apology, from 7-11.

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AOL announced it will slash 900 jobs worldwide, or nearly 20 percent of its work force. This is shocking news, AOL still HAS a work force?
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Huffington Post usually runs banner headlines on major corporate layoffs. So I’m sure it must be an oversight that they don’t have such a headline on AOL laying off 20 percent of its staff.

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And they said it couldn’t be done. Tonight the Miami Heat had most of America rooting for…the Lakers!?

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Ohio State officials, in a letter to the NCAA, said that they originally considered a stronger punishment for football coach Jim Tressel than just missing the Buckeyes’ first two games. But that might have violated the most important of the school’s rules – “Thou shalt win.”

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April madness?

April 7, 2010

The NCAA basketball tournaments are done. So for fans of Madness now the best options may be to root for this to be the Chicago Cubs’ year, or for the Sharks to finally make it through the playoffs.

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President Obama’s first pitch before the Nationals’ home opener has been universally panned as not one of his best. But give the guy credit, he threw harder than Jamie Moyer.

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Jamie Moyer, 47, made the Phillies final roster as the fifth starter. He made his major league debut in 1986, and has been in professional baseball ever since. In fact, though he has taken some turns in the minors, Moyer has never once, ever briefly, announced his decision to retire. “Amateur!”, says Brett Favre.

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Milwaukee Brewers owner Mark Attanasio has been complaining publicly about his team struggling to sign first baseman Prince Fielder, while the New York Yankees seem to have an unlimited budget. Yankees president Randy Levine told Attanasio to quit whining, and politely suggested he eat cake.

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Los Angeles mayor Antonio Viillaraigosa hopes to solve the city’s budget crisis by shutting down all city services twice a week. Which means many city employees will essentially end up working a little more than half their scheduled hours. Sort of how the Lakers approach the regular season.

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Golden State Warriors’ head coach Don Nelson had a chance to pass Lenny Wilkens for the most all-time wins in the NBA Tuesday night, but his team fell short 112-94 against the now 24-53 Washington Wizards.

On a brighter note, by not having his record setting win be against the Wizards, Nelson does avoid an asterisk.

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Meg Whitman has already spent $59 million of her own money on a campaign to become Governor of California. This could turn out to be the biggest waste of money in the state since the Dodgers gave a two-year $45 million contract to Manny Ramirez.

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The victorious UConn women’s basketball team will get a White House visit, but Stanford did get a consolation post-game visit from VP Joe Biden. Although as a Cardinal fan I have to think, darn shame Biden didn’t go to the Huskies’ locker room at half-time for a few encouraging words – the UConn players might have missed most of the 2nd half.

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great line from my friend Jim Barach:

“Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens says he will decide soon on when he will retire. He turns 90 this month. He had better decide soon on everything.”

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The conclusion of Holy Week?

April 6, 2010

It’s been quite a Holy Week for a broad spectrum of Americans – what with Passover, Easter, Opening Day…

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With the NCAA men’s final in Indianapolis, Duke was, to put it mildly, not popular. I think there were more fans in your average Star Wars movie audience rooting for Darth Vader.

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Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski told ESPN.com that he “I wouldn’t have any interest” in the job of coaching the New Jersey Nets, no matter what salary he was offered. And Coach K has a point, in next year’s NCAA tournamnent, the Nets probably would be no more than a six seed.

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Donovan McNabb denies that he said if traded to the Raiders he would retire. He simply said if he was sent to Oakland it would mean he would be done with professional football

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Barack Obama heard some boos amongst the cheers when he threw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals’ home opener today. On the brighter side, he heard less boos than the Nationals pitching staff.

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Senator John McCain said today “I never considered myself a maverick.” For a man who wanted to be in President Obama’s shoes, these days McCain seems better suited to John Kerry’s flip-flops.

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Opening night…

April 5, 2010

Yes, baseball season has officially started. With the Yankees vs. the Red Sox on ESPN Sunday night. So good of the league to use a high profile opening Sunday night game to showcase two small market teams.

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The Yankees’ actually blew a 5-1 lead in the opening game of the season, as the Red Sox eventually got to C.C. Sabathia for five runs and then tacked on four more against New York relievers. Which wasn’t that upsetting to Yankees fans. They’ll just start looking to buy a new bullpen.

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Bud Selig has a new committee to find ways to improve Major League Baseball. Here’s hoping their first selection is “Get rid of Bud Selig.”

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Back to basketball: On Easter Sunday, as Butler prepared for the NCAA tournament final, the team prayed for another miracle – like the referees calling fouls on Duke.

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Throughout the NCAA’ tournament, teams and players have credited God for their success. And today God responded “Don’t look at me, I sure didn’t have Duke-Butler.”

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The official drink of the NCAA Final Four this year is Coke Zero. How appropriate – Zero is about the number of people with even reasonably accurate brackets.

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Anything can happen, but anyone else think after watching this weekend’s game that the real national championship ought to be between the Duke men and the UConn women?
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Question for the night – Which black leader now has a bigger mess to try to clean up in Washington – Barack Obama or Donovan McNabb?

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Sunday headline on SI.com -“Tiger makes low-key arrival at Augusta National.” I guarantee this will be the only time this week the words “Tiger” and low-key” will be used in the same sentence

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Brook Lopez left Stanford early to play for the New Jersey Nets. Winners now of 11 games. And had he only stayed at Stanford he might have led the this year’s team all the way to the NIT.

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This will only make sense to “House” fans. But actor Kai Penn is apparently leaving his White House job. Which means Kutner died for nothing.

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A subtle classy joke from Alex Kaseberg: John Edwards’s mistress, Rielle Hunter, said she doesn’t like the word “mistress.” Maybe she would prefer the term: adulterer hose-bag skank-bucket?

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March madness – chick version.

March 30, 2010

So Xavier and Stanford played a exciting game to get to the women’s final four, which the top-seeded Cardinal won 55-53 on a buzzer-beating lay-up by Jeanette Pohlen. Both teams, however, missed basket after basket, and ended up shooting the low 30 percent range from the floor.

Forget the congratulatory call from President Obama, with shooting like that, both teams played like they wanted a call from former V.P. Dick Cheney.

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In fact, the Stanford women played one of their worst games of the season against Xavier, shooting 32 % from the floor. And won only after a Xavier player missed two easy layups, and Jeanette Pohlen was able to drive with four seconds left for a buzzer-beating layup of her own. This wasn’t just pulling a rabbit out of a hat, this was pulling a dead rabbit out of a hat and resuscitating it.

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Over in the other Elite Eight matchup, Duke was upset by Baylor. The Bears were led by Brittney Griner, the talented 6’8″ freshman who is probably best known for both for being able to dunk, and for being suspended for punching another player. Wonder had she played yesterday, if the Baylor men would have upset Duke too.

The New Jersey Nets avoided a tie for an NBA worst ever season tonight by beating the playoff-bound Spurs. Might be one of the worst losses in San Antonio history not involving the Alamo.

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Shocking news of the day. Ricky Martin has admitted he’s gay. What’s next, Nancy Pelosi admitting she’s had “a little work done?”

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The Tea Party Express is heading off on a 43 city cross-country anti-government bus tour. Well, I sure hope they are staying off the federally-funded interstate highways.

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A New York State Senator, Eric Adams, has launched a campaign to discourage kids from wearing saggy pants. He released a YouTube video urging the younger generation to “pull their pants up.” Shame he didn’t have a campaign earlier urging Eliot Spitzer and David Paterson to “keep their pants up.”

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Apparently the Republican National Committee spent $2000 in February at “Voyeur,” which describes itself as a high-end nightclub” with “impromptu bondage and S and M scenes.” Hmm. And they criticize the Democrats “stimulus package?!!.”

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No one will admit with the RNC who exactly spent the money at “Voyeur,” so we don’t know exactly whose package was being stimulated.

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Shocked Republicans acknowledge it could be worse. The RNC at least spent the money at perhaps the only strip club in West Hollywood that features women.

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From Bill Littlejohn:

“First it was Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlesberger who faced an assault charge and now his favorite receiver, Santonio Holmes is being sued for battery. While they’re not baseball players, does this still make them them assault and battery mates?”

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More embarrassment from Washington?

March 27, 2010

Yes, I know that title might be redundant.

But Gilbert Arenas, the Washington Wizards star who pled guilty after bringing four guns into the locker room, was sentenced today to 30 days in a halfway house, plus probation and community service. The judge could have handed down a much tougher sentence, like returning to play for the Wizards.

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Arenas does actually seem contrite at this point, and may actually finally realize the gravity of his actions. For example, after sentencing, could have included jail time, he did NOT tell the media that he felt he had “dodged a bullet.”

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Many fans of improbably basketball stories have been disappointed by the Sweet Sixteen games in this year’s tournament. Which after a wild first weekend featured relatively few surprises.

On the other hand, it would be hard to top the true basketball shocker of the weekend – The New Jersey Nets have won two straight.

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President Obama’s second choice to head the Transportation Security Agency withdrew his name from consideration today, two months after the President’s first choice also withdrew. (No doubt too, many other candidates didn’t even make it through the initial process.)

And here Obama probably figured that with Air Force One the one thing he wouldn’t have to deal with was TSA hassles

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A British researcher claims that men raised by nannies are more likely to cheat because they get the idea as little boys that they should have more than one woman to take care of their needs And all over England, people are exclaiming, “Mary Poppins, you homewrecker.”

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Looks like “24” is in the midst of its last season on television, Although instead of a true final episode, the series may continue on just to finish with a two hour movie. In that case, shouldn’t they change the show’s name to “26?”

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Many observers took the fact that John McCain asked Sarah Palin to campaign with him as a sign that he has forgiven all the presidential campaign issues, and all the problems Palin caused. Could be. Or more likely, McCain just doesn’t remember.

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Omar Samhan, the talkative star of the St. Mary’s Gaels., turns out to be a serious Taylor Swift fan. In fact, during an interview, he said to the cameras, “I love you Taylor, you should call me.” Unfortunately, the only callback he got was from Kanye West.

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Chet Simmons, the first president of ESPN, died this week at the age of 81. No word on a cause of death; maybe he had Kansas-Villanova in the finals.

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More upsets….

March 23, 2010

It just keeps getting worse for those who had bet on the experts’ predictions – including all those who picked Scott Brown over President Obama in the healthcare finals.

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Why size doesn’t always matter – the population of Cedar Falls, Iowa, home of the Northern Iowa Panthers, is about 36,000. Just a few hundred less than the UNDERGRADUATE population of their next opponent, Michigan State.

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There are now so many reporters now heading for Iowa that residents of the state who aren’t sports fans must wonder if they scheduled a really early presidential caucus.

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Besides Kansas fans, the people who have to be the most upset by the Northern Iowa upset – sportscasters and copy editors who have to say and spell “Faroukmanesh.”

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Not to say American sports fans have a short attention span, but with their brackets busted many fans will now care as much about the rest of March madness as they do at this point about Olympic hockey. – “So who won that game anyway?”

(note to Canadian readers, just kidding.)

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Marc Ragovin sent along several funny comments yesterday about the new Mets slogan, designed around new closer K-Rod, “We believe in eight inning games.”

But over in Los Angeles, Dodgers fans are asking “When did they get that long?”

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And over in Minnesota, where the Twins just lost closer Joe Nathan for the season, the response is “Sign us up for that too.”
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The San Francisco 49ers have announced they may go into next season without a general manager. Thereby confusing many fans, who last season saw no discernible evidence that the team HAD a general manager.

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And in a commie-pinko, did they really say that moment…. (Conservatives can stop reading now) You have to love all the Republicans who suddenly started saying about healthcare that they didn’t want the government coming between a doctor and a patient. Can we quote them on this the next time Roe v. Wade comes under attack?

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Meanwhile, back in California politics, Meg Whitman has spent over $27 million on her campaign in the first three months of 2010. And this is a woman who believes we can’t afford healthcare reform.

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Independence day?

March 22, 2010

Since this is a country founded on the principle of independence, I would just hope that all the congressmen and women who voted against today’s healthcare bill please show THEIR independence by resigning their government-paid healthcare?

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Cornell enters the Sweet Sixteen as one of the biggest surprises, and probably without a lot of money bet on them in Vegas?

Because after all, anyone smart enough to have graduated from Cornell was also probably smart enough not to have bet on them.

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On the other hand, think about the fans Cornell has picked up in Chicago. It’s the first time in recent memory they have heard “possible championship” and “Ivy” mentioned in the same sentence.

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Twelve seed Cornell routed the fourth seeded Badgers 87 to 69. For Wisconsin sports fans this just solidifies 4 as the currently most unpopular current number in the state.
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There will actually be a special tournament set up next week in Vegas for gamblers whose NCAA brackets i are in decent shape. The game, of course – “Liar’s Dice.”

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All the upsets in the tournament so far means a lot of fans will be going into April without much hope. Does this make them all honorary Nationals fans?

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At one point during his ESPN interview, Tiger Woods said of his repeated affairs – “I tried to stop and I couldn’t stop. And it was just, it was horrific.” Ladies and gentlemen, I think we’ve just found the new U.S. spokesman for Toyota.

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Tiger Woods confessed to being “a little nervous” about the reception he will get at this year’s Masters. And his fellow golfers said, “Hey, no worries, why don’t you relax and take a little extra time out of the spotlight with your family?”

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From Bill Littlejohn: Foreclosure proceedings have begun on the residence of the Octomom. She reportedly is in negotiations for a cheaper shoe.

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And finally, for any blog reader trying to win a bar bet this week- try this question – who are the only men’s teams to advance to the Sweet Sixteen for each of the past three years?

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Answer, Michigan State and Xavier.

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The first weekend of Madness.

March 20, 2010

Heady times in Northern California. In the NCAA tournament The Cal Bears beat Louisville, and St Mary’s knocked off Richmond.

But then there’s always the reality check known as the Golden State Warriors. Who managed to lose to San Antonio 147 to 116.

Actually Cal and Washington both advanced. As someone who has watched some pretty abysmal Pac 10 games this year I have to wonder…maybe it’s not that the conference was better than most of us thought, but that the rest of men’s college basketball was worse than than we thought.

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Not to say March Madness loyalties are shallow. But wondering – of all those “fans” bemoaning Temple’s first round loss at the hands of Cornell, how many of them could find Temple on a map?

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Now, over in our nation’s capital, fans are still recovering from Georgetown’s 14 point loss, as the 3rd seed, to 14th rated Old Dominion. Its the worst performance Washington basketball fans can remember, well, at least since the last Wizards game.

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How bad are the Washington Wizards? They may change their name to the Washington Generals.

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In fact, between Georgetown’s early exit and the Wizards’ ninth loss in a row, the best recent basketball performance in DC may belong to President Obama with his bracket picks.

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Jihad Jane”s mom said her daughter was just “lonely” and wanted somebody to love. Does this mean maybe the U.S. should start promoting the Humane Society and their shelters as anti-terrorist organizations?

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A new non-profit organization called “Reboot’ is trying to encourage people to take a 24 hour holiday next weekend from technology, no cellphones, computers, etc. And of course, the company is trying to spread the idea via sites like Facebook.

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American Idol has announced that following the “Rolling Stones” show, next week’s show’s focus will be “Teen Idols.” Of course, what most of the young contestants don’t know – the Rolling Stones WERE “Teen Idols.”

And when the band started…. Mick Jagger was all of 19 himself.

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An actual serious thought:

On the Ellen Degeneres show, Constance McMillen, who wanted to bring her girlfriend to her Mississippi prom received a $30,000 scholarship from the website Tonic.Com. Now it would be great to see some company step up to fund an alternative “non-prom” for the young women, and the other students who got their prom cancelled.

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and finally from my funny friend Jim Barach.

Porsche has taken the top spot in the J.D. Power dependability study. The study won’t be officially completed until the Toyota stops racing uncontrollably around the course.

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Busted brackets…

March 19, 2010

How bad a day was it for sports fans who had Big East teams going deep into the tournament? Some of them are so upset that tomorrow they might actually use their office computers for work.

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Three teams (Georgetown, Marquette and Notre Dame) upset in the first round, and Villanova barely escaped. Who knew that in the NCAA tournament the Big East would suddenly become the Big Easy?

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And now we really know St. Patrick’s Day is over. The first NCAA tournament upset was Old Dominion over Notre Dame. So much for the luck of the Irish.

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And here most Irish fans thought the worst thing that would happen to them today was a St Patty’s hangover.

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The Chicago Cubs are considering putting up the first sponsored sign at Wrigley Field – a Toyota logo over the left field bleachers. But do Toyota and the team really have that much in common? After all, you can stop the Cubs.

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From my very talented and funny friend Jerry Perisho:

This is one of those rare moments in history when mortgage rates and Congress’s approval ratings both hover around 5%.

(and my rejoinder – the difference is that we can actually expect Congress’s ratings might go lower.)

Ideas for getting those census forms back…

So the U.S. Government is spending over $11 billion on their latest census. And for all that they are worried about getting people to reply.

Can I suggest a few simple answers?

Get the census form returned by this weekend along with a filled out bracket and be entered in a March Madness prize pool.

Forget needing to do the work of brackets. Have a Publisher’s Clearing House type contest with winners drawn from respondents.

Give respondents extra votes for American Idol.

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Post St. Patty’s toast…

March 18, 2010

Still in the Irish spirit, here’s a toast…

“May your troubles last as long as your perfect March Madness brackets.”

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Serious thought – yes, I have them occasionally – on the eve of March Madness. Want to raise the abysmal graduation rates for NCAA D1 basketball? Tie scholarships to the number of previous year’s graduations.

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Not sure if the Texas Rangers have finalized the advertising signs this year for their Rangers Ballpark in Arlington. But I think it’s a safe bet we won’t be seeing ‘Things go better with Coke.

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Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has suggested NCAA teams be banned from post season play unless they have at least a 40 percent player graduation rate. And student-athletes from many top seeded teams are complaining “No fair, that’s well over half.”

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The Washington Nationals, 0-11 in Spring Training, and with the worst record in baseball last year, have indicated they probably want phenom Stephen Strasburg to start the season with a AAA team. No word on if that team will be the Syracuse Chiefs or the Nationals themselves.

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First round NCAA men’s basketball stats: Louisville – 38% graduation rate. Cal – that academic powerhouse – 20% graduation rate.

(yes, this blog does have an occasional Stanford bias.)

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So Barack Obama may have secured Dennis Kucinich’s vote on healthcare by taking him for a ride on Air Force One. Which was a more positive methodology than Obamas original idea – threatening to send him to ride on Amtrak with Joe Biden.

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Thieves apparently broke into an Eli Lilly warehouse in Connecticut and stole over $70 million worth of drugs. Wow. At today’s retail prices that’s medication for at least a dozen people for a year.

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Orly Taitz is a leader of the “birther movement,” and has filed many lawsuits claiming President Obama was not born in the United States. Now she is running in the California Republican primary for Secretary of State. Wonder if Orly has to declare her birthplace in the filing papers? It would be nice to know her home planet.

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Not-so-happy hour…

March 15, 2010

That’s how NCAA bubble teams felt about selection Sunday when they found out their names weren’t on the list.

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But really, for teams like Illinois, Mississippi State, Virginia Tech, etc., I have two comments:

First, realistically the last teams in are the first teams out. So it’s not like the committee deprived any of these schools of a real chance to win the tournament.

And second, unlike in football where colleges routinely get hosed by the BCS, there’s a simple way to avoid being snubbed by the NCAA tournament – WIN MORE GAMES.

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The NCAA is considering expanding their men’s basketball tournament to 96 teams to increase television revenue. Well heck, why not just let all Division 1 teams in and call it March, April and May Madness?

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For the women’s tournament, anyone else want to just see Stanford and Connecticut play best out of about ten games and forget the other 62 teams?
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SF Mayor Gavin Newsom, wants to appoint a regular Muni rider to Municipal Transportation Agency’s Board of Directors. Sounds good in theory, but how would that person ever make it on time to meetings.

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As healthcare reform may be getting closer to final passage, wonder if Rush Limbaugh has thought about this while he packs? Costa Rica has a socialized healthcare system.

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Due to an injury, soccer will be missing one of its biggest stars this year in the World Cup. Guess at the age of 34, it’s no longer easy for even David Beckham to “Mend it like Beckham”

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R.I.P Peter Graves. Perhaps the only man in the world who could have gotten away with making pedophile jokes funny – “Joey, do you like movies about gladiators? Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish Prision, Joey have you ever seen a grown man naked?”

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Will Graves’ tombstone read “Captain Oveur, over?”

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Beyond the madness…

April 6, 2009

Fans of 24 and Jack Bauer had to decide between watching the show tonight or  the NCAA basketball tournament.  Either way, for fans of the Michigan State Spartans, torture was involved.

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On the other hand, the last time Michigan State played North Carolina, they lost 98-63.  So 89-72 doesn’t look so bad.  

A 35 point loss down to a 17 point loss.  Sort of like most people’s 401ks

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President Obama, by the way, picked the UNC Tarheels to win it all in his ESPN brackets.  Well, heck, now that he’s got that under his belt the economy should be a snap.

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The Oregon State Beavers , for anyone who missed it,  won the second annual CBI (Can Buy In) tournament this past weekend.  And for those who mock the tournament, the winning Beavers’ coach IS pretty much a lock to be invited to the White House.

(for anyone going, “huh?”,   the new Oregon State coach this year is Craig Robinson  – Michelle’s brother.)

 

 

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Levi Johnston claims that he and Bristol had sex at her home,  something Governor Palin angrily denies.  Yeah, apparently Sarah can see Russia but she isn’t so good about what’s going on INSIDE her house.

 

Sarah Palin is particularly upset to hear these stories of premarital sex while she is preparing for her oldest son’s 20th birthday on April 20th.  Sarah and her husband, by the way, eloped on August 29. 1988. 

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While many sports fans have been distracted by college basketball,  Major League Baseball has had some of their opening games.  And after one day hope springs eternal –  the Cubs are in first place, the Yankees are in last, and Ken Griffey Jr has been healthy every day of the season.l

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More madness…

April 5, 2009

A recent survey about teams in the NCAA tournament said that women players do much better in the the classroom than the men.  Said many of the male players  “What’s a classroom?”

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 Alex Rodriguez says he is now at 70 percent after his surgery.  In other words – playoff form.

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 This doesn’t need a punchline.  But it’s worth sharing.   The University of  Connecticut women’s team will play for the national championship, while the men were upset in the semi-finals.  But in a more perhaps a more significant victory  – the women’s team graduation percentage – 100 %.

The men-  33 %.

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And in the Connecticut women’s victory over Stanford in the semi-finals, suffice it to say that they made the powerful Cardinal team look so bad that fans might have thought they were watching this year’s mens team.

 

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-Ron Wilson, coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs, has been picked to coach the U.S. men’s hockey team in the 2010 Olympics.   Well,  with the Leafs he certainly has had experience coaching top amateur level play.

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An NBA game last week between the Golden State Warriors and the Sacramento Kings ended up with the Warriors winning  143 to 141.   That’s more scoring since Bill Clinton’s last college spring break.

Or if you will – even Eliott Spitzer couldn’t pay for that much scoring.

 

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Governor Palin is furious at her daughter’s ex-fiance Levi Johnston, for going on the Tyra Banks show to talk about his sex life with Bristol.  Sarah can’t believe that he would exploit the relationship like that.  Especially after all the Governor did for the young man – buying him fancy suits,  flying him on the campaign private plane, and taking him to all those events like the  Republican convention.

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The Atlanta Braves and Philadelphia Phillies kicked off this year’s Major League Baseball season, with another ESPN mandated 830p start on the East Coast.  Suppose this Opening Night makes sense in one way – kids can get a taste of what it will be like in October with World Series games that will be too late for them to stay up.

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