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Medals and beads…

February 13, 2010

During the Olympic opening ceremony, four cauldrons were supposed to rise from the floor and be lit by Canada’s most famous athletes. But a mechanical error meant one torch remained stuck in place. Embarrassed organizers vowed this was the last time they hired engineers from Toyota.

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In an internet age when most people can get real-time updates for anything, NBC has Winter Olympic coverage opening on a holiday weekend, with big events actually happening in a reasonable time zone. (The same zone as most of the Western US.) And what do they do? Tape delay top events for late (8p-11pm)- prime time. About the only think they could do that would be stupider would be to mess with the crown jewel of their regular programming, the Tonight Show. Oops, never mind.
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A few thoughts from New Orleans.

Many Mardi Gras parades feature celebrities on their lead float, and these celebrities also throw beads. Mary Matalin was an honorary Muse during the all-women Muses parade. Any parade goers hoping for beads on one side of the street were disappointed – for some reason Mary only turned to the right.

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Florida Gator fans took some heat for comparing Tim Tebow to God. There’s a similar situation now in New Orleans, except they’re comparing God to Drew Brees.

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Sign in New Orleans bar. The Nike swoosh in gold and black – titled “Just Drew It.”

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T-shirt seen also in New Orleans – religious looking picture of Drew Brees saying “Breesus is my homeboy.”

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This just in, FEMA sent Saints coach Sean Payton a telegram wishing him good luck in the playoffs.

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Just how overhyped is Danica Patrick? Apparently there are commentators who are referring to her Daytona NASCAR debut as a “smashing success.”.

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High on Jesus.

February 12, 2010

U.S border agents arrested a woman in Texas after they found 31 pounds of marijuana hidden in three framed pictures of Jesus. The agents became suspicious when they noticed other pictures captioned “The Virgin Mary Jane.”

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Bipartisan joke. The current government showdown in Washington DC is costing over $100 million a day. On a brighter note, it’s less money than Congress wastes on an average day.

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Some say God was behind the New Orleans Saints’ Super Bowl win after 42 years of futility. Which lends hope to fans in Toronto, as it’s also been 42 years since the Maple Leafs won a Stanley Cup…

God, however, issued a statement – “above my pay grade.”

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USA Today is announcing mandatory one-week furloughs for the paper’s nearly 1,500 employees. This was especially frustrating for both of the remaining reporters.

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A recent study found that 1,169 people who ate 50 grams of chocolate once a week were 46 percent less likely to die following a stroke than people who didn’t eat chocolate. A related story found similar results for men who did and didn’t remember to give their wives chocolate.

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There’s no business like snow business….

February 11, 2010

Actually the few SUV taxis in the D.C. area are making a fortune. Apparently rates are about $200 to get from downtown to Dulles airport…

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Some conservative preachers and pundits like to say that natural disasters are God’s punishment for some sort of misbehavior. Think three feet of snow in Washington D.C. might be a sign that Congress should have passed healthcare reform?

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According to an article to be published in the International Journal of Epidemiology, experts say the more bored you are, the more likely you are to die early. If this were really true, most teenagers wouldn’t survive high school.

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Zappos.com is having a contest to be “Coach of the Day” for the New Jersey Nets. The winner will get a number of prizes, including tickets, dinner, and assisting coaches with pre-game drills, but the company stresses it is an honorary coaching title only. Come on, the Nets are 4 and 48. How much worse could an amateur be?

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So the first prize is being coach of the Nets a day? Second prize presumably is being coach of the Nets for the rest of the season?

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Rough season for the UNC men’s basketball team. They fell to 2-7 in the ACC with a loss to Duke, and will probably miss the NCAA tournament for the first time in recent memory. On the brighter side, the Tarheels would still probably be favored in a game against the New Jersey Nets.
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While Washington D.C. has had significant snowfall, midwest residents know the real problem has been the lack of snow removal equipment. But to be fair, this was a big storm. It probably would have shut down Chicago for at least several hours.

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Just how many snow days have they had in Washington DC this year? Put it this way, before school is out this summer, the Washington Nationals may be eliminated from the playoffs.

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A Toyota executive said that U.S.dealers were repairing 50,000 cars a day and that the gas pedal fix would “last a lifetime.” Does this really need a punchline?

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This could be the warmest winter Olympics ever. Think maybe the IOC is reconsidering their decision not to offer a spot to the Jamaican bobsled team?

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John Mayer apologized for a Playboy interview where he insulted both his ex-girlfriends Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston, and also used the “N” word. He said he had to stop being “so raw” in interviews. No, John, how about trying to stop being “so stupid” in interviews?

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Two men used the same word to describe liberal groups. But Sarah Palin called for Rahl Emanuel’s firing while defending Rush Limbaugh’s use of the term because it was “satire.” So Stephen Colbert announced that since HIS show was satire, that it was fair to call Palin a “f–king retard.” Is this a great country or what?

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A picture is worth a thousand words….

February 10, 2010

Especially when one word is misspelled.

The following is an un-retouched picture from a rally for Rick Perry, who is running for a third term as Governor of Texas.

photo from the Houston Press.

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High crimes, misdemeanors, and annoyances…

February 10, 2010

Apologies for this post being late today…put it down to gremlins.

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Embattled New York Governor David Paterson is denying rumors of improper behavior and said “the only way” he’d be “leaving office was in a box.” And Jenny Sanford said, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

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So as far as I can tell, most Facebook users were perfectly content with the format the way it was, but some executives decided to change it. What happened, did Facebook hire a bunch of guys from the NBC programming department?

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Facebook users are getting increasing frustrated with the confusing changes. As my friend Bill Schmarzo put it, “I’d gotten so used to talking with my friends on Facebook, now I have to go back to old fashioned communication, like email.”

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Kate Gosselin (of Jon and Kate plus Eight) has a book coming out in April. The perfect gift for those who find Sarah Palin’s “Going Rogue” too intellectual.

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Pat Robertson is so sure that natural disasters are some kind of divine retribution. So isn’t it about time he blames record breaking snow in DC on Congress not being able to pass health care reform?

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Our nation’s capital has been effectively shut down for four days, and a new winter storm may continue that paralysis into next weekend. Guess this means in future maybe we should be on the lookout for terrorists with snow making machines?

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Washington really is a city that can’t handle snow. Several days after the first storm hit, most roads in DC had not been plowed, and only one runway at Dulles airport is open. Although to be fair, this was a big one; to clean up a storm like this in Chicago would have taken at least several hours.

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As the party in New Orleans continues…

February 9, 2010

Many observers are wondering about the answer to one question – will residents sober up in time for Mardi Gras?

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Now that the Saints have won the Super Bowl, those paper bags that fans used to wear over their heads are gone for good. But in a humanitarian gesture, folks in New Orleans are sending their unused bags to Wrigley Field.

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The Super Bowl attracted over 50 million viewers in the U.S., more than any televised program ever, surpassing the previously most-viewed final episode of MASH. That show aired in February 1983. To give you an idea who long ago that was, Brett Favre was just thinking about his first retirement, and “The Who” had just received their first social security payments.

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This just in… FEMA sent a memo warning the City of New Orleans to hire extra police for crowd control because they think the Saints might do well in this year’s NFL playoffs.

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Grumpy thought: The Saints won the NFL championship for the first time in their 43 year history in New Orleans, one of the longest droughts in sports. But let’s see, the baseball Giants moved to San Francisco in 1958 and their world championship total since is…. yep…. zero.
Although Sarah Palin criticized President Obama for using a teleprompter, it turns out she had crib notes on her hand during her “Tea Party” speech. This is shocking. Palin can read?

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Sarah Palin said she might run for President in 2012. But first she has to decide on a few things. Like, if elected, who she will want as her replacement when she resigns in 2015.

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And back in California, Meg Whitman has adjusted her first television commercial, where she said she had lived in California for over 30 years. Turns out she has lived in the state a total of 23 years. So her latest ad now says “many years.” But I don’t know, being off on the numbers by about 33 percent? In that way she’d fit right in in Sacramento.

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In the ad she also complains about “professional politicians.” Well, this might be a first – someone putting that label on Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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Who dat?

February 8, 2010

The full version of the slogan. “Who dat say going to beat dem Saints?”

Well, tonight, not the Colts.

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Peyton Manning looked like a Hall of Fame quarterback in the fourth quarter tonight. Unfortunately for the Colts, it was Brett Favre.

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Many pundits were wondering openly before the Super Bowl if Peyton Manning was the best quarterback of all time. Sunday he wasn’t even the best quarterback in the game.

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What a night for Drew Brees. He had the highest percentage of completed passes by a young Super Bowl quarterback since Joe Namath was a good looking bachelor.

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Many younger Super Bowl fans watched the halftime show and wondered “So who are The Who?” Even more wondered “What is pinball?”

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Many younger Super Bowl viewers were confused tonight after the second quarter. They kept waiting for the CSI commercials to be over so the halftime show could start.

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Next year’s Super Bowl will be in Dallas, Texas. Which means country music fans are hoping for a halftime show with Tim McGraw and Taylor Swift. But given the NFL’s proclivity for mature acts, I’m guessing a more likely duo will be Dolly Parton and Willie Nelson.

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You think you had a bad week. How’d you like to be a football fan working at the Toyota plant in Indiana?

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Commie pinko time.

Okay, follow me on this one, Sarah Palin said Rahm Emanuel calling liberal groups “retards” was “insensitive and indecent”, and an insult to her son and other disabled people. And Palin called for Emanuel to be fired. But when a certain talk show host used the SAME term to describe the SAME groups, she said “They are kooks, so I agree with Rush Limbaugh.” (Apparently it was okay because with Limbaugh it was satire.

How much do I want to hear Jon Stewart say “Now that logic is TRULY retarded!”?

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Sarah Palin at one point in her speech to Tea Party supporters “how’s that hopey-changey thing working out for you?” For people who can pay over $500 to see her speak, I guess the answer is, reasonably well.

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Super Bowl Eve.

February 7, 2010

CBS expects record viewers for the Super Bowl this year. The audience will be boosted by two factors: one, many Americans can’t afford to go do anything else. two, in the Philadelphia-DC area everyone is snowed in and can’t go do anything else.

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NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell says that the league has no plans to change the overtime rule, saying that the two playoff games that went to overtime were ” maybe two of the most exciting games we’ve ever had.” But exciting doesn’t necessarily mean fair to both sides. Think of how many people go to bullfights.

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Jim Barach also had a thought about the 13 year old football player who has committed to play at USC starting in 2015. He says the hardest part is waiting until he is 16 to get a license to drive his new Mercedes Benz convertible.

But I am trying to be fair to the Trojans. Really, they don’t give all their players Mercedes Benz convertibles. These days it’s all about SUVs.

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The Texas men’s basketball team has lost 4 of 6 since being ranked #1, the school’s football team lost any chance for a national championship when Colt McCoy was injured, and the Cowboys were decisively knocked out of the playoffs. Last time the state had a month this bad, an Alamo was involved.

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It’s also hard to remember a month that was so disappointing to Texas sports fans without the Rangers even playing.

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Stanford men’s basketball continued their road woes as they continued their perfect winless Pac 10 season away from home, losing 54 to 49 to USC.

If they wanted to at least salvage something positive for the environment out of this season, maybe they could just forfeit the rest of their road games and save the fuel?

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Commie pinko time.

So this week Scott Brown was sworn in as the 41st Republican senator, which may effectively kill healthcare reform. Also, this week, Anthem-Blue Cross, the largest health insurer in California, sent a notice to individual policyholders announcing a rate hike of up to 39 percent. Coincidence?

At the Tea Party Convention at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel in Nashville,” Sarah Palin said “It’s so inspiring to see real people come out, stand up and speak out for common sense conservative principles.” Well, yeah, real people who could afford $549 for the convention ticket plus travel and lodging.

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It’s Saturday morning….

February 6, 2010

Which means CBS has already started their Super Bowl pregame show.

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Two feet of snow at least in Washington DC this weekend. Maybe the pundits shouldn’t have said that “The Saints will be in the Super Bowl when hell freezes over.

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Actually for the few hard-core NBA fans who read this blog, the better analogy for the blizzard might be the Washington Wizards’ 92-91 win over the Orlando Magic – in Orlando. On a shot with .5 seconds left by Caron Butler. Definitely a “hell freezes over” win.

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Scott Brown was disappointed with the blizzard. He’s only been in office two days and already he’s been usurped as the most destructive force to hit town.
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Lane Kiffin apparently has a commitment from a 13 year old seventh-grade quarterback to attend USC. Which is actually a nice gesture from Kiffin, whoever’s coaching at USC in six years will probably appreciate it.

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The 13 year old kid who signed with USC may visit campus. But it’s hard to imagine a kid who goes to seventh grade classes being able to relate to the current players. For an example, they may ask him….what are classes?

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Democrats in California and elsewhere have to be particularly dismayed by Carly Fiorina’s “demon sheep” advertisement against Tom Campbell. As in, why couldn’t Scott Brown have hired those people to make an ad about Martha Coakley,

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It’s always good to be optimistic and look for a silver lining in a situation. For example, think of all those people who have been complaining about being on a waitlist to buy a Prius.

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New theme song at Ford headquarters…

February 5, 2010

New theme song at Ford Headquarters – “I love what you do for me, Toyota.”

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So Toyota knew there was a problem that would be extremely detrimental to their brand, but kept it secret until their hand was forced by a high-profile crash. Talk about a company that should have had a marketing agreement with Tiger Woods.

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Latest breaking news from Miami!! The Colts’ All-Pro Defensive End Dwight Freeney’s ankle is still sore. And Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

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High school superstar offensive tackle Seantrel Henderson, who may well end up leaving school early for the NFL, committed to USC and Lane Kiffin today. The betting pool has already started as to whether Henderson or Kiffin will have a longer stay with the Trojans.

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So in California, the two Republican multi-millionaires, (Meg Whitman and Steve Poizner) running for Governor are sniping at each other like schoolchildren, and Carly Fiorina, who is running for Senate, has come up with an ad portraying her opponent Tom Campbell as some sort of demonic sheep.

Meanwhile over on the other side, Jerry Brown and Barbara Boxer are thinking, why hire campaign consultants? No one could do a better job for the Democratic party than the job these guys are doing themselves.

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Carly Fioriana’s “demon sheep” ad about Tom Campbell (easy to find on google/youtube etc., if you haven’t seen it) is truly creative to say the least. And it does answer one tough question. How did this woman manage to be fired by the same McCain campaign that chose and kept Sarah Palin?

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Elections and other follies…

February 4, 2010

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom is considering running for Lieutenant Governor. Let’s see, after the campaigning is over, what important daily duties does a Lieutenant Governor in California have? Well, actually, none.

Sounds like we’ may have found the right man for the job.

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David Brown, the producer of the movie “Jaws” has died. His family had hoped for a quick funeral at sea, but apparently they’re going to need a bigger boat.

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Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood is trying to retract his statement that Toyota owners should “stop driving” their cars. Even Joe Biden is saying “Ray, couldn’t you have kept your mouth shut?”

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The Meg Whitman – Steve Poizner feud continues in the California Republican gubernatorial primary. Now Poizner complains that Whitman’s campaign committed a crime with their internal email saying they would spend $40 million to go negative against him. Stay tuned for next week when Poizner calls Whitman a “cootie queen” and she calls him a “loser poo-poo head.”

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At USC, a student manager has been fired from the basketball team for yelling “blow the f**king whistle” at a referee during a game. Well, good to see the Trojans have their priorities in order: Take tens of thousands of dollars or a car, and you end up with a pro career, use foul language, and you’re out as an embarrassment to the university.

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Two feet of snow is expected to fall in Washington DC, effectively shutting down the capital until Monday. So for Congress, it’s business as usual.

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Peyton Manning signed a nine year contract in 2004 for over $100 million, Drew Brees signed a six year $60 million contract in 2006. And now both Indianapolis and New Orleans are renegotiating to give their star quarterbacks more years and more money.

Not that both these players haven’t earned it. But what ever happened to honoring the contract you signed?

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The Super Bowl, Oscars and other hype…

February 3, 2010

The NFL’s greed knows no bounds. The league has ordered local New Orleans vendors to stop selling shirts with the Saints slogan. Now they will now be fining the Super Bowl’s major halftime act, and ordering them to cover their name. After all, the band is trying to use half the phrase “Who Dat.”

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Besides this being Super Bowl Weekend,, Nascar is having the oddly-named “Budweiser Shootout” at Daytona International Speedway Saturday. Who’s going to waive the checkered flag, Gilbert Arenas?

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Carrie Underwood will sing the National Anthem for the Super Bowl. Apparently Carrie’s enough of a football fan that when the league asked her last December, she realized it was one time she’d be sure not to have to watch her ex – Tony Romo.

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The Oscar nominations came out today, including two for “The Blind Side.” Many Oscar watchers were shocked, two nominees for a sports drama and no acting nomination for “I didn’t take steroids to hit home runs” by Mark McGwire?

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“The Blind Side” is the highest grossing football movie of all time. Although those who haven’t seen the movie actually think it’s the answer to a question. “Whose side is Congress on in this healthcare debate?”

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New York Jets Rex Ryan was fined $50,000 for making the “finger” sign at a mixed martial arts event last weekend. But in Ryan’s defense, after coaching in New York for a while, he figured it was the Jets’ fans equivalent of a victory sign.

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Rahm Emmanuel apologized after Sarah Palin called him out for referring to some liberal Democrats as “f*****g retarded.” He said he should have referred to them as “Palin-esque”

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Jenny Sanford says her soon-to-be-ex-husband Mark asked her for advice during his affair, wondering “if he should follow his heart to Argentina and if he would live a life of regret if he didn’t?” That’s it, John Edwards, while a favorite, is no longer a lock to win worst husband of the year.

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Actually it really was amazing to read in Jenny’s book that her husband actually asked if he should leave her for the mistress he felt he was in love with…. One would expect to read such a statement posthumously at her murder trial.

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As the Super hype continues…

February 2, 2010

Rain forced media day at the Super Bowl indoors today. The Florida storm, however, did not flood the streets. Disappointing all those reporters who wanted to see Peyton Manning walk to today’s interview.

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President Obama is taking some grief for his use of a teleprompter. You do get the feeling, however, that if George W. Bush was accused of over-reliance on a teleprompter that Fox News would headline the story “President displays exceptional reading skills.”

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When asked about his verbal gaffes, GOP chairman Michael Steele responded -“Accidents happen, baby.” Didn’t he steal that line from John Edwards?

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Or in Edwards’ case the punctuation is different:
“Accidents happen. Baby.

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A new museum has opened in London – Abbaworld. No joke. With original costumes amongst other mementos. And of course nonstop music. Should be great for the London economy. Because men will hear about it from their wives and say “Honey, could we go shopping instead?.

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“This just in; Brett Favre has announced he is going to get a Facebook page. As soon as he decides on his status.”

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Legendary newspaper writer Herb Caen died 13 years ago today. Already there are young people and young adults in the SF Bay Area who are asking “Who’s Herb Caen?” Let’s hope in 13 more years the same demographic isn’t asking “What’s a newspaper?”

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Suspended Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas wrote a contrite op-ed for the Washington Post, acknowledging among other things that guns “are not joking matters,” and that he deserved his suspension. Arenas also pledges to try to “right his wrongs,” especially insofar as the example his behavior set for young people…

Let’s see, a thoughtful apology actually accepting responsibility…. This settles it, Arenas doesn’t belong in Washington.

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Johannesburg’s Sunday Times newspaper, citing unnamed friends of the woman’s family, reported that 67 year old South African President Jacob Zuma has had a child with a woman who is not one of his three wives nor his fiance. This is not expected to affect his career.

In related news, John Edwards announced he is moving to South Africa.

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Scott McCarron, who allegedly called Phil Mickelson a “cheater” for using a particular kind of sand wedge, now clarifies his remarks by saying “‘It’s cheating.” but “I never called Phil Mickelson a cheater.”

I think I like “it depends what the definition of is is” better.

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Quarterbacks, the Pro Bowl, and other jokes…

February 1, 2010

No matter what happens in the Super Bowl. on Feb 14, Drew Brees will be King for the New Orleans Mardi Gras Bacchus parade, which means he will stand on a float and toss beads, coins and mini footballs to parade goers. Other parade organizers thought of asking LSU grad JaMarcus Russell to do the same thing, but they didnt have enough liability insurance.

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How bad a Senior Bowl week did Tim Tebow have? Rumor has it after the game he got a congratulatory phone call and expression of interest from Al Davis?

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Tebow likes wearing bible verses in his eyeblack. It would be ironic if the most apt might end up being 1 Corinthians 13, the one that starts, “when I was a child” and ends “when I became a man I put away childish things.” (the childish thing being a football?)

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Will Smith has confirmed that he is considering a future career in politics. Makes sense, with those two “Men in Black” movies he’s shown a real talent for dealing with aliens.

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The Pro Bowl and Super Bowl are both played this in the newly named Sun Life Stadium in Miami. The financial services company was founded in Montreal in the 19th century and is now based in Toronto, Canada. Because nothing says “Sun” like… Toronto, Canada?

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Sun Life Stadium was formerly named Land Shark Stadium, and is a dual purpose facility. Which might explain how it was chosen for the Pro Bowl. With the baseball Marlins as tenants it means locals are used to watching meaningless games.

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The problem with the Pro Bowl is that players just don’t care that much and are often just going through the motions while trying to avoid injury. Which means for fans of many teams it’s just a repeat of week 17 of the regular season.
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Matt Schaub was voted MVP of the Pro Bowl. Isn’t that like being voted the best show in NBC’s prime time lineup? Or the best men’s basketball team in the Pac 10?

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What does this say about the Colts’ and Saints’ offenses (or maybe their defenses.). The over-under for the Super Bowl – 56 1/2, is basically the same as it was for the Pro Bowl – 57. And in the Pro Bowl they don’t even really hit and tackle. (Yes, I am aware some would say that especially about the Saints defense.)

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And okay, you don’t even have to know anything about rugby to know how ugly this game was. Cal 99, Stanford 0. No, that is not a typo.

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Too gay for the NFL?

January 31, 2010

So for the Super Bowl, CBS has okayed an anti-abortion ad featuring Tim Tebow, and rejected a gay dating ad. Hmm, maybe “Mancrunch” should have had the ad say “Reduce potential abortions, encourage more gay dating!”

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But let’s see, NFL players are athletic-looking guys, often with elaborate hairstyles, who dress in tight spandex uniforms. Then they grab at each other, hug after great plays and dance on a regular basis. Yeah, can’t see why the league thinks they would have any gay viewers.

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Once again, you can’t make this stuff up. In the “they just don’t get it” department”, Nike has an ad inside the front cover of ESPN the magazine, and Sports Illustrated featuring Kobe Bryant and Lebron James in a campaign titled “Prepare for combat.”

And in the ad Kobe says, “I’ll do whatever it takes…. I don’t leave anything in the chamber.”

So what’s next, an ad campaign talking about the NBA’s high caliber players.

Or describing someone’s play as “semi-automatic?”

Maybe this is all some karmic revenge for the league’s getting rid of the name “Washington Bullets.”

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The Stanford men’s basketball team has yet to win a game away from Maples this year. And they had only one such win last season. This team might perform worse on the road than Willy Loman.

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In women’s basketball, the second ranked Stanford women have been trailing at halftime in both their last games, but then have come from behind to win handily. Some wonder what coach Tara VanDeveer has said to the women at halftime. Might be as simple as “You’re playing like men.”
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John Edwards apparently claimed to his then-friend Andrew Young that Rielle Hunter had told him she couldn’t get pregnant. Okay, that’s it, forget the morals. The man is too stupid to be president.

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Johnny we hardly knew ye – and we liked you better then too…

January 30, 2010

Should we be that that surprised that John Edwards fathered an illegitimate child? He was late in deciding to pull out of Iraq too.

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It just keeps on coming, now there’s a sex tape featuring John Edwards. And here some people thought Barack Obama made a potentially embarrasing choice for V.P. by picking Joe Biden.

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The New York Yankees are taking the World Series trophy on a tour of Asia. Come on, is this really necessary? Millions of people living right here in America have never actually seen that trophy. They’re called Cubs fans.

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Kurt Warner retired today after a amazing career where he took both the Rams and Cardinals to the Super Bowl. But before that, the 38 year old quarterback played in the Arena Football League, NFL Europe, and even had a stint working in a grocery store.

If he makes it to the Hall of Fame Warner will have a couple tough decisions. St. Louis or Arizona? Paper or plastic?

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For the second time in six months, John Daly has announced he is done with golf. He says he will, however, make an exception for the A T and T Pro-Am, with his partner Brett Favre.

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Samantha Harris is leaving “Dancing with the Stars.” This news disappointed millions of women and about two men.

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While baseball struggles with asterisks and the steroid issue, the NBA has its own problems. For example, should there be an asterisk for any wins this year against the New Jersey Nets.

(for non-NBA fans, the Nets are 4-41. No, that is not a typo.)

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You have to wonder why they call them the “Nets.” Because clearly the team isn’t very good at finding them.

From Alex Kaseberg:

With New Orleans winning 31- 28 over the Minnesota Vikings, the Superdome was a site of joy, celebration and excitement. Less than five years ago after Hurricane Katrina, however, the Superdome was a site of despair, anguish and misery. Or as Chicago Cubs fans call that: Wrigley Field.

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talking about steve.

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The Nets, Wizards, and other jokes…

January 29, 2010

The Washington Wizards say they want to move forward after the suspensions of Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton. Hello, the team is 14-30. Forward’s about the only direction they can go.

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Any further backwards and they’d be the Washington Generals.

(note, if that last joke was to archaic, the Generals are the perennial rivals to the Harlem Globetrotters.)

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The Nets, 4-40 (no, that’s not a misprint), now take on the Washington Wizards, 14-30, on Friday night. “May the best team win” somehow doesn’t seem like an appropriate comment.

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Even for hardcore Republicans, Barack Obama’s State of the Union did not contain the most unbelievable moment on television Wednesday night; that would have been when they switched to Sportcenter and saw that the New Jersey Nets actually won.

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For serious fans of professional NBA basketball, watching the Nets-Wizards game has to be as appealing as it would be for conservatives to watch a Nancy Pelosi-Hillary Clinton debate…

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John Mayer now says he has masturbated his way out of problems. Yeah, except for “No officer, I wasn’t texting/drinking/using a cellphone while I was driving, I was…oh never mind…give me the ticket…”

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So when is Apple going to start giving out free pink cases for the iPad so you can carry it discreetly in your purse or briefcase?

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NBC is ending the Jay Leno show a few days earlier than planned before the Winter Olympics. Apparently they want to fill the slot with programming that will get higher ratings – like NHL hockey.

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The media is reporting that Tiger Woods is in a sex rehab camp. A camp? Do they go around chanting “Two, four, six, eight, we don’t need to fornicate?

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And from Bill Littlejohn: Reportedly Elin Woods was a guest of the Favres in the past week.No wonder she can’t make up her mind whether to leave Tiger or not”

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Millions of dollars and no women in the focus group?

January 28, 2010

I’m not the only woman to have thought of something like this, but wouldn’t you think millions (or billions) in development at Apple might have resulted in a name that doesn’t sound like a feminine hygiene product.

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The iPad only stores 64GB of data. For days that you need more power will Apple come up wth the iMaxipad?

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And where is the large screen version for seniors – “iDepends?”

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And will a version targeted to men be known as iFlomax?

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With Kentucky’s loss Tuesday, college basketball will have a new top-ranked team for the fourth time this month. These “number ones” are proving to be as durable as Tiger Woods’ marriage vows.

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Greg Oden will probably be hearing for a long time about his nude pictures that have ended up on the internet. But who knew that Oden’s plans after the NBA included running for the Massachusetts senate?

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NBA commissioner David Stern met with Gilbert Arenas on Wednesday, and suspended the Wizard guard for the remainder of the season. It probably didn’t help that Arenas asked that it be scheduled at “high noon at the Ok Corral.”

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I just don’t think Gilbert Arenas gets it. After he and teammate Javaris Crittenton were suspended for the remainder of the season for their guns in the locker room, he volunteered to host a fundraiser for Haiti. His idea? An All-Star shoot-around.

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The following line inspired by a setup from Max Worthington,

“Erectile dysfunction can be a blessing.”

I’ll bet now John Edwards wishes he had had it.

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Former President George W. Bush called President Obama to give him tips on his first “State of the Union.” For starters Bush said “the speech is misnamed- there are 50 of them.”

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Toyota has stopped selling eight of their most popular models while they fix a problem with the gas pedal. So finally a month that American car sales may catch up with imports.

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No deadline.

January 27, 2010

Minnesota coach Brad Childress said he would “not impose a deadline” on Brett Favre to make a decision about next season. Instead he will focus on his more realistic offseason project – cat herding.

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According to a Halifax newspaper, a Canadian couple are such Toronto hockey fanatics that they will wear Maple Leafs jerseys when they get married Jan. 30. Apparently they wanted to wait until the Leafs were formally eliminated from the playoffs.

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Greg Oden is the latest NBA player facing embarrassment after nude pictures he took for a girlfriend surfaced on the internet. On the other hand, at least the Trailblazers have to be happy that the answer to the question definitely wasn’t that it was a gun in his pocket.

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No word on the rumor that Greg Oden and Gilbert Arenas will be teaming up to star in a movie sequel of “Naked Gun.”

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A scientist speaking at London’s Royal Society says that while we have been looking for extraterrestials, alien life may already be here on earth. If true, my money’s on Keith Richards.

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After the world champion Lakers visited the White House Monday, Kobe Bryant returned for a private meeting with Barack Obama Tuesday. Apparently the President wanted to talk to someone who knows how it feels to never pass anything.

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The countdown begins…

January 26, 2010

So the League Championship games are over and the interminable hype begins. Two whole weeks for the Super Bowl, and about thirty-two weeks until Brett Favre decides whether or not he will play next season.
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After the Saints 31-28 win, there’s been more complaining about the NFL’s overtime rule. And it’s true, Brett Favre didn’t even get a chance in overtime to throw another interception.

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Headline from Seattle Times: “Brett Favre’s Future a Big Question Mark in Minnesota.”

In related news, it rains sometimes in Seattle.

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The NFL conference championship games last weekend drew the highest television viewership since 1982. Partly this was because the Jets-Colts and Saints-Vikings were compelling matchups. Partly it’s because many Americans now couldn’t afford to do anything else.

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Washington guard Javaris Crittenton pled guilty to a misdemeanor gun charge stemming from his dispute with teammate Gilbert Arenas., and was put on probation. The Wizards may not make the playoffs, but they’re definitely in the running for best shooting team of the year.

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Apparently Tom Brady won’t need surgery on his finger, so he won’t miss any of next year recovering. Which is mostly good news, on the other hand, if he missed much of the 2010 season he could win another “Comeback Player of the Year” award.

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Much media hype about “Avatar” having now passed 1997’s “Titanic” in gross box box office receipts. Not that the movie hasn’t rung up impressive sales. But the average movie ticket price in 1997? About $4.59.

(source- Wikipedia.)

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Commie pinko alert:

Apparently CBS is planning to air an anti-abortion commercial during the Super Bowl featuring Tim Tebow and his mother. If Tebow really wanted to be “pro-life” maybe he should have considered doing a commercial telling all his fellow athletes to pay their child support?

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