Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

Pre Oscar thoughts….

March 7, 2010

As with every year, while there were some excellent movies and performances nominated, there have also been significant omissions.

For example, in the acting category…why no nominations for…

Mark McGwire – for “I didn’t take steroids to help me hit homeruns.”

Bud Selig, for saying the era of performance-enhancing drugs in baseball is over. (And for taking credit for cleaning it up.)

and a belated award to John Edwards – for renewing his marriage vows on his 30th wedding anniversary, right about the same time he conceived his child with Rielle Hunter.


Or how about Roy Ashburn, California State Senator from Bakersfield, for his performance as a conservative anti-homosexual Christian. (Senator Ashburn is currently on “personal leave” after being arrested for DUI in Sacramento after leaving a gay club with a male companion.)


Americans profess to be getting tired of the Tiger Woods story and many are saying they wish he would just go away. Meanwhile, did you hear who was leading this week’s Honda Classic? Yeah, me neither.


The North Carolina Tarheels capped off their worst regular season in recent memory, losing to Duke 82-50 and finishing 5-11 in the ACC. It’s the most embarrassing story in the state. At least until the next John Edwards sex tape surfaces.


The head of Tennessee’s hospitality association sent an email to a group of public figures comparing Michelle Obama to Tarzan’s chimpanzee friend “Cheeta.” He said it was a joke. But there were better and smarter targets for the “Cheeta” label. Like Mark Sanford and John Edwards.

The Razzie for worst picture of the year went to “Transformers – Revenge of the Fallen.” Sounds like a documentary about all the Republicans who used to love big spending and federal subsidies, but transformed into filibustering deficit hawks when a Democrat took back the White House.

World records beyond the Olympics…

March 6, 2010

Snuggies were placed on every seat in Cleveland’s arena before the Pistons-Cavaliers game, and fans were asked to put them on. Guinness World Records then certified it as the largest number of people wearing fleece blankets at once. The true uncertified record, however, probably still stands – any Giants-Dodgers night game at Candlestick Park.


On the other hand:

March marks the beginning of spring break season for many college students, Which basically means going to drink for a week someplace with warm winter weather. Like Vancouver.


Apparently more than 250 silver coins dating back to the time of Alexander the Great have been discovered. The coins were found in the pockets of several pairs of jeans donated to Goodwill by Brett Favre.


So what’s a lower number today? The number of Americans who still care about the team’s gold medal hockey loss. Or the number of Canadians who still miss the Expos during spring training.


Sarah Palin has complained about Levi Johnson’s “quest for attention, fame and fortune'” and says that the media is exploiting her children. This while she is travelling the U.S, appearing regularly on television, and pitching her own reality show. Palin may be able to see Russia from her house but she sure can’t see herself in the mirror.


Karl Rove says in a new book that Dick Cheney was at first uncomfortable with the idea of being George W. Bush’s running mate. But then Cheney realized, he’d always wanted to be president.


Rove also denied in his book that Bush “lied us into war?” That, Karl said, was MY idea.

From Bill Littlejohn:

Senator Jim Bunning, a baseball Hall of Famer, gave a reporter the middle finger this week: “No, it wasn’t being asked again about his decision to block a bill that would extend unemployment benefits. It was being asked again about the 1964 Phillies collapse.’’ .


Thousands of California students protested cuts in the public university system Thursday in a “Day of Action.” Not to be confused with business as usual in Sacramento, which was a “Day of Inaction.”

Sarah, we hardly knew ye…. Those were the good old days.

March 5, 2010

Sarah Palin is apparently shopping a proposal around for her own reality television show. This might mark the first time that “Sarah Palin” and “reality” have ever been used in the same sentence.


The reality show is being pitched as a series of one hour episodes. Which will all abruptly end after 38 minutes.

Barry Zito hit Prince Fielder today to retaliate for last season’s theatrical home run celebration. The Brewers’ first baseman, however, didn’t charge the mound. Probably because it was Zito’s fastball, and until the umpire told him to take a base, Fielder hadn’t even noticed he’d been hit.


Brett Favre appeared on the Tonight Show and told Leno he was noncommtal about next year. Funny, that was NBC’s exact stance in long-term negotiations with Jay.


So Brett Favre told Jay he was undecided about returning next season. Stay tuned tomorrow when the Tonight Show features Adam Lambert telling Leno he is still gay.


Baylor’s Brittney Griner, who is 6’7″ and can dunk, was ejected from a game and suspended for angrily punching an opponent in the nose. She’s been projected as both an WNBA superstar and a model. Well, I don’t know if she’ll be another Candace Parker, but unfortunately she’s looking like another Naomi Campbell.


The latest ethics violation charged to embattled New York Governor is that he illegally accepted free tickets to the first game of last year’s World Series. Well, at least that’s one thing that isn’t likely to happen anytime soon to a Governor of Illinois.


So Democratic New York Governor David Paterson is embroiled in several scandals and Congressman Charles Rangel is facing ethics investigations. Meanwhile, out in California, one of the state’s most anti-gay rights conservative senators – Republican Roy Ashburn of Bakersfield, was picked up for a DUI in Sacramento. With a male companion after leaving a gay nightclub.

It’s a shame that the one true nonpartisan part of U.S. politics seems to be stupidity.

Reality shows and unreal news…

March 4, 2010

Peyton Manning reportedly had surgery to repair a pinched nerve. Actually, many people consider any kind of nerve surgery “karmic,” as for years the quarterback’s commercials have been getting on their last one.


Charles Rangel, David Paterson, Eliot Spitzer. Just who do they think they are in New York. Chicagoans?


Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco has signed up to be a contestant on the upcoming season of “Dancing With the Stars.” And “No Fun League” commissioner Roger Goddell is no doubt trying to figure out how much the fine is for that.


So what’s a lower number. The Americans who still care about their gold medal hockey loss? Or the Canadians who still miss the Expos during spring training?


Some people think that the FAA over-reacted by suspending an air traffic controller at JFK who brought his son to work, and let the child give a few “routine” instructions to pilots. Sorry, I think “Air traffic control,” and “no harm, no foul” are two phrases that should NEVER be used in the same sentence.


US Air hero Charles “Sully” Sullenberg has retired at the age of 59. He said you know it’s time when you feel like you are working with children. Of course, the last time he flew out of JFK, he probably was.


Indeed, bringing your son into the office, while seemingly harmless, can have unfortunate long-term consequences, as it can give the child dangerous ideas. No doubt George H.W. Bush had no malice aforethought when he first had W. visit him at the White House.


Jake Pavelka, aka “the Bachelor,” is now also going to be a contestant on “Dancing with the Stars.” And this guy is supposed to be a commercial pilot with American Airlines. Seems like he spends less time actually flying the planes than any pilot not with Northwest.


Texas Governor Rick Perry won his Republican primary, after campaigning heavily on the fact that he is now turning down federal subsidies for the state. This from a man who campaigned for and took billions of such subsidies until 2008. So if his conversion is that sincere, i have a suggestion – give the earlier money back


Perry has also talked about, without dismissing, the possibility of Texas someday seceding from the United States. Wonder how long it would then take them to apply for foreign aid.

From medals to bubbles….

March 3, 2010

How fickle are sports fans? In America the only numbers that matter have gone from US medal count of 37 to figuring out 64-65 teams in brackets.


Canada is still celebrating their gold medal in hockey. American sorrow and depression over the loss can be summed up in one word – “whatever.”

The San Jose Sharks were back in action today, with eight of their players who had played on various Olympic teams. They lost 4-3 at to the New Jersey Devils. Looks like the team’s already in post-season form.

There is some talk of the NCAA expanding the men’s basketball tournament to 96 teams. As if American worker productivity in March wasn’t bad enough already.


Mark McGwire’s brother Jay, says that writing his tell-all book was “cathartic.’ The same word that has been used by Agassi and others. Just a thought, if it’s the act of confessing onto paper that’s so important, haven’t any of these people considered a private diary?


Alex Kaseberg asks…” does anybody in the entire beautiful country actually know all the words to “Oh, Canada.? I would venture to add, a higher percentage than that of Americans who can actually hit all the notes in “The Star Spangled Banner.”

Senator Jim Bunning, who is retiring after this term, has been holding up unemployment benefits until Congress decides how to pay for them. I hope someday he applies the same standard to his own Senate pension.


And we wonder how Americans get the reputation for being both insensitive and clueless. Yesterday in our travel office, someone called up, no joke, and wanted to know if Hawaii would be offering discounts because of the tsunami.


Sarah Palin appeared on Tuesday night’s Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Actually Palin and Leno have something in common. Both left their main jobs last year. But in Leno’s case there were actually people who wanted him back.


Palin actually did a short stand-up comedy routine. But none of the jokes in the routine were as funny as the one she told about Fox News being impartial.


And then there was Sarah’s comment about getting back to the 5 “W’s. Who’s saying we should pay taxes, what is the purpose of taxes, when can we cut taxes, where does the government get off charging us taxes, and why can’t we just abolish the whole idea of taxes.

(one anonymous person on sfgate.com commented on Palin’s attempts at stand-up comedy “Keep your day job. Oops, wait, you already quit that.”)


The U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday refused to block the District of Columbia’s gay marriage law. Proving, if nothing else, that even the conservative members of the court care about the service they get in the capital’s restaurants

Back to reality…

March 2, 2010

As many Americans on the west coast in particularly made it into work Monday after their regularly schedule time, and told their bosses… “I’m not late, I’m just tape delayed.”


The gold medal hockey game between the U.S. and Canada was the most watched television event in Canada ever. In the U.S. it was the most watched television event, of the week, until the final episode tonight of this season’s “The Bachelor.”


Monday night, Jay Leno returned to the Tonight Show at 1135p. Of course, most west coast viewers thought it was just the 10pm Jay Leno show being tape delayed.


Apparently Simon Cowell of American Idol is in love and getting married. Really? I wonder what state has passed a law allowing a man to marry himself?


A significant percentage of Americans now get their news from Facebook. Which might explain why a lot of them think that Obama has a farm with several lost lambs at the White House and that Dick Cheney is a master at Mafia Wars.


The Vancouver Health Department says they gave out over 100,000 condoms during the games. Which is a good thing from a health standpoint. On another level, weren’t these athletes exactly the sort of people the world WANTS to meet and reproduce?

Former President Bill Clinton apparently called Tiger Woods recently to pledge his support. Including an offer, if Woods was feeling tempted, to be the caretaker of his rolodex.


A recent physicial showed that Barack Obama is in excellent shape, except for slightly high cholesterol, and his inability to completely give up cigarettes. On the other hand, countless Americans are relieved at the concept of a President who is doing nothing more with tobacco products except smoking them.

Darwin award nominee of the Month – (yes, this is tacky.)

Authorities believe a Washington man was killed, after he escaped injury in a single-car accident, by urinating on power lines the accident had downed. Talk about dying to take a leak.

Closing ceremonies…..and of course, the gold medal game..

March 1, 2010

But Olympic junkies on the west coast are in luck, NBC’s taped delayed coverage should go on until at least Tuesday.

It actually kind of feels right that the gold medal goes to a country where the average man or woman on the street can actually name at least one hockey player.


Americans watching the gold medal hockey game were both confused and disappointed by the overtime period. Where was the coin toss? And where was the little guy who comes in to win the game by kicking the puck into the net?

So the US came close. But did anyone, especially in San Jose, really expect any team coached by Ron Wilson to win it all?


Tickets for the USA-Canada hockey game were going for $4000.00 a ticket and up with scalpers. Wonder how many were being bought by new fans from the US who wondered when they will ever get another chance to see a game between two teams with so much top professional talent in North America.


Ron Turner, who was just hired this month as an assistant coach by Jim Harbaugh, resigned today to take a similar position with the Indianapolis Colts. Who does Turner think he is – Lane Kiffin?

Manny Ramirez actually told a reporter at Dodgers’ spring training – “”I’m an employee here, I just do what they want me to.” I think I like his story about the fertility drug better.

Regarding those new “Cant Trust Steve” ads that Meg Whitman is running against her opponent Steve Poizner: Anyone else think they would be appropriate to get her elected as senior class president?


And in closing.

For all those Winter Olympics fans who will be glad to see the last of Vancouver and go back to having the games in an actual COLD city – I give you today’s weather in Sochi, Russia. High 56, Low 47.

(Sochi is a resort town on the Black Sea. According to the Los Angeles Times. “The average February temperature is 43 degrees. Winter temperatures rarely fall below freezing. It has a moderate tropic climate and rarely sees snow.)

Maybe they should put these games somewhere that actually gets cold. Like San Francisco in July.

Awaiting the gold medal hockey game….

February 28, 2010

Apologies to anyone reading this after the game,

Americans are getting very excited about the USA-Canada gold medal hockey game Sunday. In fact, many Americans polled said they actually planned to watch all four quarters.

Mark McGwire, after admitting he lied about steroids, has once again accused someone else, in this case his brother, about lying about the details of that steroid use. Isn’t this kind of like Tiger Woods quibbling about his number of waitresses.


In their neverending effort to come up with an aggravating prime-time show, NBC did a segment on why Canada has produced so many great comics – Dan Ackroyd, Mike Meyers, John Candy, Jim Carrey…. One of the reasons given was, of course, the cold winters. But great comedy comes from suffering, so why no mention of the Maple Leafs?.


Meg Whitman, already up over 30 points in the Republican primary over her opponent Steve Poizner, has now unleashed a barrage of negative ads against Poizner. Well, if this Governor thing doesn’t work out she has a great shot at a job as an assistant coach in Seattle with former USC Coach Pete Carroll.


The Buffalo Bills have announced they will not offer Terrell Owens a contract for next season. Thereby surprising T.O. and absolutely no one else.


The University of Oregon has now had four football players arrested in one month. Maybe the university has been going too far in their efforts to prove they have an NFL ready program.


Since the Olympics seems to constantly add new events, it maybe shouldn’t be surprising that one of the latest sports looking to qualify as a medal sport is – not making this up – “Synchronized Ice Skating”

Another step in the Olympics never-ending quest to find a sport that not a single straight man will ever watch.

Winding down the Olympics…

February 27, 2010

Only two more days of competition. Which means only about a week until NBC catches up with the tape delay.


The US hockey team scored SIX goals against Finland in the first period of today’s Olympic semi-final. Most Canadian hockey fans have never seen anything that embarrassing before. Well, without the Maple Leafs being involved.

With all the U.S. excitement over Olympic hockey, some reporters have started asking American fans who they are rooting for in the Stanley Cup. The number one response – “What’s the Stanley Cup?”


Short track speed skating is amazing. Especially as it’s often the only skaters still upright at the end who medal. Sometimes it seems as if the athletes have less chance of making it to the end of the race than Mel Gibson has to pass a field sobriety test.

A centralized technical glitch caused JetBlue Airways to delay or cancel many flights that had not yet taken off Friday afternoon. Sounds like business as usual.


The California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control has started warning bars that it is illegal to “infuse” spirits – for examples to make ginger or fruit vodka, or jalapeno tequila. Good to know that in these tough economic times our state tax dollars are being used wisely.-

Howard Stern is planning to organize a beauty pageant for all of Tiger Woods’ mistresses. His biggest potential problem – don’t pageants, like Miss America, usually cap the contestant total at 50?


Tacky time.

Gatorade is the latest company to drop Tiger Woods as a promoter. Apparently while the company coined the slogan “Is it in you?” they weren’t happy with who Woods was in.


And commie pinko time:

Insurance companies are not only greedy, they are dumb. After the Republicans got the 41st vote in the Senate, some insurers immediately implemented huge rate increases. Six months or a year from now the issue might have died down, but instead they are giving us new ammunition to get reform passed.

Loud and louder…

February 26, 2010

At this point there’s a chance for a U.S. Canada rematch in the Olympic Gold medal hockey game. If that happens the only thing louder than Canada Hockey Place area in Vancouver will be the Norwegian curling team’s pants.


With women’s figure skating Thursday night, and with NBC’s tape delayed strategy on the West Coast, the top skaters didnt finish until around midnight, and the medal ceremony was later. So, Friday, men who work in offices with a number of women will probably find those women are about as useful as many men are during March Madness

A German speedskater who had been an alternate lost out on a chance to compete in the Olympics because he didn’t get a cellphone call. On the brighter side, he may sign a huge endorsement deal with Verizon – “Can you hear me now?”


During a healthcare discussion today, President Obama said to John McCain “the election’s over.” And McCain replied, “Don’t be so sure – they won’t be showing the final results until tonight on NBC.”

Okay, I have nothing against patriotism. But it is amusing to watch Americans celebrating medals in sports where most people in the country couldn’t even describe what the event is…. (Nordic combined, anyone?)


With all the classical and popular music choices, what is it with women figure skaters and Carmen? It’s becoming the equivalent of the beauty pageant contestants’ wish for “World Peace?”

Two male Canadian broadcasters suggested Johnny Weir’s costumes and “body language” set a bad example for boys and male skaters. They also joked he may have to take a gender test. Hmm, another analysis might be that any men who are that obsessed with the appearance of other men might themselves also at least take a sexuality test.


The California Assembly passed a resolution that would establish the first week of March as “Cuss Free Week.” Most Californians, however, would prefer their representatives simply had a week of behaving in a manner where they didn’t make their constituents feel like cussing.

Most Republicans have gotten over their initial anger at newly elected Senator Scott Brown’s decision to support the jobs bill. In fact, when Dick Cheney is fully recovered from his latest heart attack they have suggested he take Brown hunting.

The latest update in the U.S. healthcare wars: In a recent poll, a majority of Americans would oppose a move by the Senate to use a parliamentary procedure called ‘reconciliation.’ Well, yeah, but doesn’t “reconciliation” just conjure an image of an apologetic husband at a podium flanked by an unhappy looking wife?

It’s 130a – time for a tape-delayed post…?

February 25, 2010

Well, one positive thing from this Olympics.

Vancouver stands to get a lot of future tourist business as a warm weather winter destination.


The USA hockey team is one win away from playing for a gold medal, and NBC insists on showing the games broken up in pieces, on about a three hour tape delay. (A longer delay on the west coast.) Hey, because nothing populizes a sport that has a hard time attracting attention in the U.S. like showing it hours after most people already know the results.



Question of the day. Did any of the people in charge of NBC’s Olympic scheduling work for FEMA?


Figure skating is the worst of the tape delayed events on the West Coast, with the top performers often not being shown until after midnight. So, gentlemen, many of you who work in offices with a number of women now get a sense of how they feel about your productivity during March Madness.


Dutch speedskater Sven Kramer was disqualified and lost the gold medal Tuesday when his coach sent him the wrong way on a changeover during the 10,000 meter finals. It was the most disastrous Lane change since the University of Tennessee hired Kiffin as their football coach.


Israel says they have developed planes that can fly without pilots. “Been there, done that”, responded Northwest Airlines.


Despite allegations of domestic violence and a physical fight with an assistant coach, Oakland Raiders coach Tom Cable will not be punished by the NFL. Guess the league figured coaching for Al Davis was punishment enough.


Most optimistic sign for the San Francisco Giants in Spring Training so far? The Dodgers are now the team with the tempermental left fielder….


And an “inside baseball” San Francisco joke.

SF Mayor Gavin Newsom had to testify in a criminal trial on Tuesday, and described what he did for a living as “I primarily am responsible for the day-to-day management of city affairs.” What happened to that part about “I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

(for anyone who has no idea what that joke means, Newsom spent a lot of last year running for governor, no he’s thinking of running for lieutenant governor, and oh yeah, there were a few little unannounced vacations. “Responsible” is not the first word many San Franciscans would use about their mayor.)

Beyond “plausibly live.”

February 24, 2010

It’s hard to remember that it wasn’t that many Olympics ago that NBC coined the quaint term “plausibly live.” This year they aren’t even pretending.

“Plausibly live” actually might be a good term for the NBC’s regular season prime-time lineup.


You know there’s something wrong with television networks when “American Idol” is less tape delayed than the Winter Olympics.


Republicans are furious with new Senator Scott Brown. He campaigned as an “independent thinker.” And he had the audacity to actually vote like one..


Some Republicans are maybe just a little over-the-top upset at Scott Brown for voting “yes” on the jobs bill. In fact, rumor has it that Sarah Palin referred to his decision as “f**king retarded”.


Sarah Palin will be one of the first guests on the Tonight Show once Jay Leno returns after the Olympics. Leno is pulling out all the stops to make her feel welcome, apparently her dressing room will contain a personalized set of Magic Markers


A Kansas City Royals fan who was hit in the eye with a flying hot dog thrown by a team mascot during a game is suing the club for more than $25,000. The Royals are hoping both to settle the case, and to sign the mascot to a long-term contract. He could be the hardest thrower on the staff.

The NCAA has notified the University of Michigan that their football program is under investigation. But the University and coach Rich Rodriguez are not worried. With an 8-16 record over the last two seasons, it’s not like they’re going to be hurt by post-season probation.

Disgrunted Russian figure skater Evgeni Plushenko, still angry over not receiving a gold medal in Vancouver, has now awarded himself a “platinum” medal on his website. Even Ann Coulter is saying “that man is delusional.”

And think Canada might be getting over their hockey loss?



After the mini-miracle on ice…

February 23, 2010

Canadians are still reeling from their hockey loss. And many vow their country will get revenge by someday soon by beating us at America’s real national sport. Just as soon as they can first crown a Canadian champion in hot dog eating.


Isnt beating Canada in hockey like beating a team from Los Angeles in plastic surgery?


Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir won Canada’s first ice dancing gold medal Monday night. Canadians are thrilled, but wonder…can either of them play goalie?


After the USA win over Canada, many Americans now refer to themselves as hockey fans. When then asked who they are rooting for to win the Stanley Cup, the number one response. – what’s the Stanley Cup?


Olympic gold medal figure skater Evan Lysacek has now stated publicly he is dating a fellow Olympic gold medalist — gymnast Nastia Liukin. This is really surprising. A male figure skater is dating a woman?


Okay, okay, so the U.S. beat Canada 5-3 in ice hockey. But while Canadians may be upset about this for a while, in a week Americans will forget about it and go back to focusing on games they really care about, like Farmville

After some serious efforts by her fans, including a Facebook group, Betty White may now actually host Saturday Night Live. But she IS old. How old? Betty remembers when SNL was actually funny


On Monday night in prime time ABC featured “the Bachelor,” NBC featured Olympic ice dancing, and Fox featured Jack Bauer torturing terrorists by showing them “the Bachelor” and ice dancing.


Commie pinko time.

Dick Cheney is resting comfortably after his “umpeenth” heart medical issue. When he is released from the hospital, however, the former Vice President has a great opportunity to advance the Republican cause of keeping government out of health care reform.

As an educated man he should be able to resign his government health insurance and prove at this point he can find a better plan on the open market.

NBC – Never Been Correct…

February 22, 2010

But really, what did we expect from the network that has done such an amazing job with their regular prime time lineup?


Watching the Sunday night show focused on ice dancing brings one thought to mind. Did I accidentally change the channel to a PBS documentary on the Ice Capades?

Watching NBC’s commercials for “The Marriage Ref.” Now there’s a program that might work well on tape-delay – say, until about 2015.


Monday night, NBC’s coverage of the ice dancing finals will be aired opposite ABC’s “The Bachelor.” And all over America men will be asking “Honey, didn’t you want me to clean the garage or something?”


A recent poll showed 86 percent of Americans think goverment is broken. Wow. Didn’t realize 14 percent of Americans were government employees.


Sarah Palin was a no-show at the Conservative Political Action Conference. Apparently Palin backed out once she heard that for health reasons CPAC requires all their speakers to wash their hands before taking the podium.


With all this tape delayed Olympic coverage I suppose we on the west coast should start preparing now for Super Bowl XLVI in February 2012. When NBC will probably present us with “Super Bowl Monday”


American Airlines is now charging $8 for a blanket and pillow. Which you can keep for future use, although there may be a $25 excess baggage charge if you bring them on your return flight.


Ronald Howes, the inventor of the Easy-Bake oven, died last week at the age of 83. At the funeral, there will be no pallbearers, the casket will simply be powered by a number of 100 watt light bulbs.

As we move to week two of the Winter Olympics…

February 21, 2010

And NBC is about halfway through their tape-delayed West Coast coverage of week one…

Question of the night. If ice dancing can be a Winter Olympics sport, why isn’t ballroom dancing a Summer Olympics sport?

Glenn Beck criticized the Republican party for their love of spending and big government and said they should admit their problem and show the same remorse as Tiger Woods. But is there any comparison? Tiger probably screwed a few dozen women, the GOP’s “don’t tax- spend anyway” policy screwed the entire country.


During Spring Training yesterday, several SF Giants players showed up early to practice their runs from first to third on a single. Benji Molina was working on his sprint from first to second.

At his press conference Tiger Woods admitted infidelities but denied his wife had hit him with a two iron. Actually, Elin used a sand wedge.

Wish I had written these, first from my very funny friend Alan Ray.

“The annual running of the brides was held in Filene’s Basement in New York. Women stampede through a store for a $429 wedding gown. How totally ridiculous. You’d think it was an Xbox.”


And from Alex Kaseberg:

Some controversy at the Vancouver Olympics. Today three of the men’s figure skaters tested positive for Appletinis.

Crouching to watch no longer hidden Tiger…

February 20, 2010

And we thought Tiger kept his galleries under control. You almost expected him to give the “heel” sign to the journalists who sat and gazed rapt upon him. (photo from Eric Gay/AP)

The media was full of stories of how Tiger Woods “bared his soul” today at his press conference. Of course, had his soul been all Tiger had bared earlier, he wouldnt have needed the press conference in the first place.


Major League Baseball has officially banned weapons in the clubhouse. Well, that shouldn’t affect the San Francisco Giants’ hitters. They haven’t had any real weapons for years.


As Tiger Woods joins a long line of celebrities who have apologized for their sexual misconduct, one thought comes to mind – all of these apologies might ring a little truer if they happened before the person involved was publicly caught.


The Canadian team has some incredible talent, but when actually play began to win an Olympic championship, they almost lost to lowly Switzerland. Maybe it wasn’t the greatest idea to build a team around four San Jose Sharks?


So Tiger Woods’ news conference was right in the middle of the Accenture Match Play Championship. and some think it was deliberately timed to steal the limelight from the tournament since the company had dropped him as a sponsor. Nah, only a completely egomanical, win-at-all-costs, self-absorbed person would do something like that.


Tanith Belbin and her partner skated their first compulsory ice dance tonight. And all over America men who had been complaining “This ice dancing stuff is boring/silly/ridiculous suddenly remarked “You know, honey we don’t have to change channels for a little while longer if you want… ”


And regarding Scotty Lago, who was sent home from the Olympics with his bronze medal after risque pictures surfaced of him on the internet….. One, did anyone really think that when they allowed snowboarders into the Olympics that they were getting choir boys and girls? And two, has anyone at the IOC seen some of these ice skating and dancing costumes?

Torched image…

February 19, 2010

So you do have to wonder. How did Canada, generally considered one of the world’s kinder, gentler, countries, manage to become a repressive nation in the eyes of the world, for fencing off… a torch?

Vancouver organizers had tried to protect the Olympic flame, and in the process, fenced the cauldron off in such a way that visitors couldn’t really see it, let alone take a picture. The fence is coming down, or at least being moved for visibility. But looking like a insensitive North American bully over something trivial… isn’t that the United States’ job?

NBC’s tape delayed Olympic coverage means really exciting viewing for U.S. sports fans who don’t listen to radio, watch news, go to online sites during the day, or check their facebook accounts. Which means both of these fans are happy.


Since Johnny Weir took the fox fur off his costume, the men’s figure skating finals were free from protests. Although looking at the outfits of the other skaters, one almost expected to see some demonstration from PETS – People for the Ethical Treatment of Sequins.

The latest Olympic glitch was NBC’s broadcasting Shaun White’s profanity filled conversation with his coach after White had been assured his first half pipe gold. Snowboarders use vulgar language? Next thing we’ll hear is that some of them have been known to smoke a little something too.

From Bill Littlejohn: Lindsey Vonn, helped by a cheese treatment on her injured shin, won the gold in the Olympic women’s downhill. Obviously a master of her Kraft.


Antawn Jamison was traded from the last place Washington Wizards to the Cleveland Cavaliers. Talk about an upgrade. Sort of how it will be if the Olympic broadcast next time goes from NBC to ESPN.


Tiger Woods has scheduled his first news conference since his November car accident Friday right in the middle of the Winter Olympics, and the Accenture Match Play championship. Since Accenture cut him as a spokesman, some think Tiger’s timing was motivated by revenge.

But that’s silly. To deliberately try to grab the Olympic spotlight and/or disrupt a major golf tournament would require being a supremely arrogant egotist who had absolutely no regard for the feelings of others…. Ooops, never mind.


The New Jersey Nets are building a new arena in Brooklyn. But they just announced that for the next two years they have reached an agreement to leave the Meadowlands and play in Newark. What, was Bakersfield not available?

Olympics and other amateur acts….

February 18, 2010

Many Olympic problems are being blamed on warm weather melting the ice. So maybe THAT’S what’s been happening to the Sharks in the playoffs.

U.S. figure skater Johnny Weir has been receiving death threats from some PETA members and other animal rights activists because his original costume featured fox fur. Now, I personally hate fur but I hope no one tells these activists that most of Weir’s competitors will have their feet covered in leather.


The City Council of West Hollywood has voted to ban stores from selling dogs and cats, even though there are no pet stores within the city limits. What’s next, a resolution commending women who haven’t had plastic surgery.


NBC ran a promo for Jay Leno returning to the Tonight Show during the Olympic telecast. Which probably marks the first time most people have seen Leno in prime time.


Watching the half pipe athletes playing with their phones before and after their runs: If they want to add both degrees of reality and difficulty, how long until the sport gives boarders extra points for texting DURING their runs?


Actually “half pipe” might be a bit of a misnomer. Because it seems that if before you’d be brave and/or crazy enough to attempt the event, you’d have to smoke a full pipe.



Bobby Bowden said he didn’t want to retire from Florida State, but he didn’t want to be a “figurehead football coach.” Besides, if he had been interested in a position like that he would have made more money with the Oakland Raiders.

San Francisco mayor and former candidate for governor Gavin Newsom has now announced plans to run for lieutenant governor. Makes sense, if elected, the position will give him plenty of time to run his campaign for his next office.


Carrie Prejean is complaining again about losing her Miss California title, saying the pageant people WANTED her to pose for Playboy. Is that really likely? Now she COULD have been encouraged to do so by the Republican party….in preparation for a future Senate run in Massachusetts.

Sign you won’t see at Wrigley anytime soon…

February 17, 2010

Sign you won’t see at Wrigley Field anytime soon but seen on a home in New Orleans:

This IS Next Year.

Another sign seen in New Orleans – Happy Lombardi Gras.

Figure skating is being tape delayed so long on NBC that the top skaters aren’t on the air until almost midnight. What does the network think this is, the World Series?


While many Canadian celebrities appeared at the Olympic opening ceremony, a notable no-show was Celene Dion. Apparently the Canadian government thought it might be a violation of the Geneva Convention.


Like many television viewers I was switching last night between the Olympics and the Bachelor. It got kind of confusing though, at one point I couldn’t tell if the Russian pairs skaters lost a medal or didn’t get a rose.

The Fox show “24” shut temporarily down production when Kiefer Sutherland had surgery for a ruptured cyst near his kidney. The operation took place between 2:00pm and 3:00pm.


Many of the newer Winter Olympic sports like snowboarding started out as alternative extreme sports for disaffected youth. Does this mean that some year in the not too distant future we can expect the Summer Olympics to include beer pong?


Billionaire Meg Whitman denies reports that with her expensive campaign she is trying to “crown herself governor.” Besides, she says, in the U.S. we refer to it as a tiara.


I’m confused. Sarah Palin is upset about a Family Guy episode featuring a girl with Down’s syndrome. But it’s a Fox show; I thought the rule was if Republicans make jokes about being disabled it’s acceptable satire.


Sebastian Janikowski apparently will get a $16 million, four-year contract from the Oakland Raiders, which will be the highest for a kicker in NFL history. It’s an especially nice deal because with JaMarcus Russell at QB, Janikowski won’t have to kick a lot of extra points.

Dan Quayle’s son, Ben, age 33, is running for a House seat in Arizona. He feels he has the expiriance to help clean up the lejislatire.

Mystery writer Dick Francis died at the age of 89. The funeral has been scheduled for an obvious place, but at the last minute it will be changed to a surprising new time and location.


While most Winter Olympic sports are beautifully and technically difficult, they can be boring to watch. Maybe the solution is to combine two at once. Curling and figure skating anyone? (Sort of an ice version of dodgeball.)

President’s Day ramblings…

February 15, 2010

Former Vice President Dick Cheney was asked if he thought Sarah Palin was qualified to be president? His response “That never mattered with W.”


With the NBC tape delays, Americans on the West Coast who don’t want to find out Olympic results early are finding themselves in the tough position of having to go all day without paying any attention to any news online, on the radio or television. In other words, they get a glimpse of what it was like to be former President George W. Bush.


February 15 is President’s Day. Which is now one of the saddest days of the year George W. Bush. He misses getting all those presents.


To save money, the state of Utah might make 12th grade classes optional. So for football players, they’ll get a taste of life at college.


Larry Ellison’s BMW Oracle team won the America’s Cup for the US over the Swiss boat Allinghi. “That’s really exciting” said almost nobody.


More than 108,000 fans bought tickets for the NBA All-Star game at Cowboys Stadium. And almost 100 of them could actually see the court.


Chinese skaters Shen Xue and Zhao Hongbo came out of retirement to lead the pairs competition after the first round. They skated a beautiful short program to a melody that translates roughly “You punks get off of my ice.”