Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

Not-so-dumb vs dumber.

February 15, 2018

Love him or hate him, #LeBronJames is NOT dumb. Laura Ingraham on the other hand….

Headlines that “USA’s Lindsey Jacobellis fails to medal in snowboardcross event.”  Okay,  bummer for her, she finished 4th.  But how many Americans before this week even knew what “snowboardcross” is?

 

I miss the times when biggest story on Twitter would have been Jennifer Aniston’s break up.

 

McDonalds is going to take cheeseburgers out of their Happy Meals to get them all under 600 calories. Right, that piece of cheese is the problem..

Waiting for Donald Trump to say Rick Gates was just a covfefe boy.

Trump today “To every parent, teacher and child who is hurting so badly, we are here for you, whatever you need, whatever we can do, to ease your pain.”
“Whatever we can do…” as long as it doesn’t involve trying to keep AR-15’s out of the hands of Americans.

Does anyone doubt that if Florida killer was an immigrant that Trump would be tweeting angrily today about the need for his wall?

1st amendment doesn’t give you the right to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. Why should 2nd amendment give you the right to own an AR-15?

 

How can anyone say a different gun law wouldn’t have prevented latest school shooting. The killer bought gun legally.

After killing 17 people, the killer went to Subway to buy a soft drink.  Because he couldn’t legally go to a bar to buy a beer?

 

On #ParklandShooting “We’ve seen lots of discussion about this every time we’ve had another incident… need to have conversation at level where lawmakers can actually impact future. It’s their job.”  This quote from noted liberal…. Betsy Devos?!!  #nottheOnion

 

NC State Rep. Larry Pittman wrote online “So many of these shooters turn out to be communist Democrats, that I suspect they are doing these things to push for gun control so they can more easily take over the country.”
For some people, “despicable” would be a compliment.

Why does sensible gun control have to be a partisan issue? You can have friends who hunt & well-trained friends who have guns for fun or protection without thinking teenagers should have access to AR-15s?

Trump says about disturbed individuals – “Must always report such instances to authorities, again and again.” How’d that work out for Rob Porter’s ex-wives?

 

Rick Scott on Fox and Friends – “Something has to change here.” Right, starting with Florida’s governor.

EPA Secretary Greg Pruitt claims he can’t fly coach because of unpleasant “interactions” with passengers…..    #Thoughtsandprayers

Marco Rubio today said not to blame lawmakers as proposals for gun control wouldn’t have stopped any mass shooting. Maybe not EVERY mass shooting as people break laws. But that’s like saying DUI laws don’t stop drunk driving deaths.

Alyssa Al Hadeff Scott Beigel Martin Duque Nick Dworet Aaron Feis Jaime Guttenberg Chris Hixon Luke Hoyer Cara Loughran Gina Montalo Joaquin Oliver Alaina Petty Meadow Pollack Alex Schachter Carmen Schentrup Helena Ramsey Peter Wang…

These are the names we should remember. Not the killer’s.

Heavy medals?

February 15, 2018

 

I miss the days during the Winter Olympics when the worst scandal Americans were talking about involved a  French judge.

Sebastian Janikowski trending. But whew, he’s only been cut by the Raiders. Not dead or accused of sexual harassment.

 

As we approach All-Star break,  Warriors lost tonight in Portland to the Trail Blazers.   Putting them shockingly now in second place in the NBA pre-season.

Lane Kiffin’s brother Chris Kiffin leaving FAU to be assistant coach for SF 49ers.  Well, at least they have several months to work it out before Thanksgiving

Why does sensible gun control have to be a partisan issue? You can have friends who hunt & well-trained friends who have guns for fun or protection without thinking teenagers should have access to AR-15s?

Some in GOP saying latest school shooting is a reason to arm teachers. Can those same teachers bring their guns to contract negotiations?

Wonder how many consumers now think Blue Apron delivers canned processed meals?

Mitt Romney is reportedly going to announce his run for the Senate in Utah tomorrow. Apparently since his loss in 2012, he’s done enough knitting?

 

I’m so old that I remember going to high school in Florida when you heard about a classmate being tragically killed it probably was in a car accident.

In 2014, Charlie Christ was good but imperfect candidate for FL Gov.   Lost to Rick Scott by 1%. Crist had called for assault weapons ban, a size limit on ammunition clips & tougher background checks.

 

Before we attack the whole state of Florida, remember this  vote total in 2014 – Rick Scott – 2,865,343, Charlie Crist – 2,801,198. We don’t need to change ALL minds. We just need 50.1%

A last horrifying detail –apparently the Florida High School killer was expelled only AFTER as student he attended “shooter driller” telling kids what to do.

Then he used it as part of blueprint for today. But drills don’t kill people….

Red and gold

February 13, 2018

Wait a minute, how did  Shaun White get to be 31 years old?

 

I didn’t know they allowed snowboarders to be over 30.

Hope the winds die down in Korea so they can get the skiing events started before the spring thaw.

 

NCAA denied Notre Dame’s appeal and so the football team must vacate wins from 2012-13 over students doing homework and assignments for players.  Not a Fighting Irish fan but looking at say,  UNC, clearly Notre Dame’s mistake was having players enroll in real classes.

Some of Phoenix Suns felt it was disrespectful for Steve Kerr to let Warriors players coach the team in Golden State’s 129-83 win last night.   So Kerr  should have done like Gregg Popovich did, coaching 3 quarters and then letting an assistant coach coach the 4th quarter?  The shorthanded Spurs beat the Suns by 48.

 

Does every guy’s lawyer pay porn stars $130,000 out of their own pockets? Asking as a confused woman.

 

Michael Cohen  “Neither “Trump Organization nor Trump campaign was a party to transaction w/ Ms. Clifford & neither reimbursed me for payment.”

Cohen didn’t say Donald Trump didn’t pay him.

FBI Director Wray testified today White House was warned about Rob Porter in Mar, Jul, Nov 2017 & again this month. Does this move Wray to top in Trump firing pool?

Amazing how same GOP that promotes “steak & lobster on taxpayer dime” myth for food stamp recipients has no problem with flying first class on taxpayer dime.

So are #SNAP boxes Trump proposes of processed foods really just a way to make sure more poor people don’t live to collect social security & Medicare?

 

Among Trump’s first 87 judicial nominees, 80 are white. Shocking! How did those 7 slip through.

Rob Porter said glass vase that allegedly blackened his ex-wife’s eye was Venetian. So not American. Deport the vase!

 

Bristol Palin and Dakota Meyer have separated. Darn I miss the days when Palins were the most hypocritical outrageous family in politics. #Familyvalues

 

It’s actually pretty simple, only people who say they don’t believe Russia was meddling in 2016 elections, are people Russia was meddling on behalf of.

Make room for Daddy?

February 12, 2018

Lavar Ball says Lonzo won’t re-sign w/ Lakers but “will go to any team that will take all 3 of my boys.” Wonder how long before even teams in Lithuania will decide NONE of his boys are worth dealing with dad.

Former MLB pitcher Esteban Loaiza, who made over $43 million in his career, arrested w/ over 20KG of heroin & cocaine in San Diego. Guess $43 million doesn’t go as far as it used to.

Failed drug test, argument w/ hospital worker, marijuana arrest, alleged domestic violence & assault rifle possession. But with #ReubenFoster 49ers are  “gathering all pertinent information.” All part of @NFL “7 strikes and you’re out” policy?

Four of the sweetest words in the English language -“Pitchers and catchers report.”

London City Airport closed Monday after 500kg WWII bomb was found nearby in the River Thames. Waiting for Trump tweet blaming Islamic terrorism

A the body of suspected poacher was found mauled and nearly completely eaten by lions in South Africa. Wonder what mean bitch Karma ordered for dessert.

Now @PressSec is saying @realDonaldTrump isn’t “taking a side one way or the other” on Porter accusations. Many fine people on both sides?

 

Scott Pruitt charged taxpayers for $1,641.43 1st class flight from DC to NY. One-way fare leaving with 24 hours notice on Delta in 1st class is $544. How can Pruitt run EPA when he can’t even find decent travel agent?

Trying to figure out why Scott Pruitt would use a fare that is so much higher than the expected last minute first class fare on a Delta Shuttle from New York to DC. Because it’s a no-brainer to get the cheapest fare on any route in any class – getting a higher fare requires an override. But airlines these days give miles based on dollars spent .Can only assume that not only did Pruitt want to fly first class, he wanted to get maximum miles for his future personal travel.

So to celebrate #DarwinDay wonder how many people shot guns into the air?

Triple-axled?

February 11, 2018

So if a skater can fall twice & still have a higher score than Adam Rippon, I don’t want to hear anymore about how baseball rules are absurd.

But nothing says skating for Russia like Elvis? #Olympics

Does it mean I’m getting old when I think medals for the luge should have Darwin’s picture on them? #WinterOlympics #ChrisMazdzer

Jamie Anderson gets gold for America in slopestyle. Millions of Americans “USA!. USA! USA!. What’s ‘slopestyle'”?

So after being arrested last month for marijuana possession, #49ers#ReubenFoster has now been arrested for alleged domestic violence. Guessing on this one we won’t hear Trump talk about due process.

So I know Pence can’t have dinner alone with women. But does Mother let him have dinner with gay men?

What Torvill and Dean did for Bolero, Virtue and Moir just did for #MoulinRouge#Olympics #Canada

 

Norwegians switched red for blue uniforms in speed skating this #Olympicsafter Norwegian scientists claimed “blue is faster than other colors.” And they say baseball players are superstitious.

Rand Paul on domestic violence “I’m not saying that I’m denying what these women are saying. I’m just saying that these things are very, very complicated.” Can’t imagine how Paul could have provoked his neighbor to attack him.#complicated?

Senator Bob Corker apparently reconsidering retirement. Who does he think he is, Brett Favre?

 

Over 4,000 Americans died last week from flu & associated pneumonia – 1 in 10 deaths in this country. Good thing Trump just signed a bill to cut $1.35 billion from the CDC Prevention & Public Health Fund.

As the #RobPorter scandal continues, Fox News has online headline about “Monica, Linda Tripp and the scandalous days leading up to Clinton’s deposition.” #WTF

 

So Kellyanne Conway isn’t worried about Hope Hicks dating Rob Porter because Hope is “strong.” Building that bridge to the 19th century?

Kellyanne Conway say Trump is still “inclined” to release Democratic memo. Right, he’ll make it a two-fer on the day he releases his tax returns.

 

So what is @realDonaldTrump going to do if some woman accuses both a Democrat AND a Republican man of sexual misconduct?

Almost live?

February 11, 2018

Of course, it’s really hard to complain too much that you really were upset to have tape-delayed ice dancing.

On the other hand, don’t miss Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, the Canadian couple who actually had to censor their routine for the Olympics.  No jokes.

ABC had Draymond Green miked up for tonight’s #Warriors #Spurs game. Since it’s early enough for children to watch assume they had him on a 5-second delay.

Cubs get Yu Darvish for 6 years and $126 million. In related news will they announce installment plan at Wrigley Field to pay for beer?

#GreggPopovich trending. Nice to have one guy in sports where you’re pretty damn sure it’s not for sexual harassment. (Turns out it was for joking that Steve Kerr’s son, a @Spurs employee, is a spy for his dad.)

And yeah, I’m biased.  I’m a Spurs fan. But half their team did pretty well against the Warriors.

Watching short track speed skating makes me nostalgic for those childhood days watching roller derby. #Olympics

 

This morning’s tweet storm, as it was pouring rain in DC and @realDonaldTrump is stuck inside, reminds Americans that there are some advantages to his weekends on the golf course.

Trump whining about lives destroyed by allegations, “some are true and some are false.” So they are true when about Democrats & false when about Republicans?

Trump tweeted out LONG quote from Fox News today in two parts, with 19 minute gap between 1st & 2nd. Does he type that slow or did he need a covfefe break?

 

So the man who brought women who accused Hillary Clinton’s husband decades ago of sexual assault to a Presidential debate is now tweeting that allegations destroy lives?

So FBI and DOJ were against release of Nunez memo and Trump ignored them. Now they were against release of Dem memo and Trump cited them as reason not to release it. So he’s made FBI and DOJ great again?

Okay, folks, so who do we have next in Trump resignation bingo?

Two Ohio police officers killed in the line of duty today were responding to a domestic violence situation. But @POTUS still doesn’t take it seriously.

A question of degrees.

February 10, 2018

 

Jimmy Garoppolo, saying how happy he is to be in SF “It is 75 degrees out here, it’s not a snow storm like in Chicago. It’s a lot better here. So, I wanted to be here.”
Wonder what he’d say if he’d been traded to Green Bay?

Weather now in PyeongChang, 34 degrees.   Or as Minnesotans call that – summer.

 

The new-look Cavaliers survived the 17-39 Atlanta Hawks.  Over-under on how long it will take drama in Cleveland to resurface?

Sort of seems silly that basketball is not a Winter Olympics sport.  In the meantime, fans of amateur basketball will just have to settle for the Hawks or Mavericks.

I’m so old I can remember times on train when younger people could talk to each other without literally using #hashtag as part of a sentence.

Have to wonder, what would Trump do, if an NFL player who knelt for the National Anthem was also accused by a woman of domestic violence?

Multiple allegations of domestic abuse weren’t enough to get Porter fired from WH. But had he said something negative against Trump, Rob would have been gone in 15 minutes.

 

Right about now joining Trump White House has to have as much long-term career security as accepting an offer from Sears.

Don’t see the problem; if WH staff really wants Trumpto pay attention to intelligence briefing have it read out loud on Fox and Friends.

Since Trump says all 19 women who accused HIM were liars, we shouldn’t be surprised he’s dismissive of several women with Roy Moore & 3 with Rob Porter.

At this point as @realDonaldTrump blocks release of Democratic memo it really is the equivalent of shooting someone on 5th Ave. He doesn’t think his base will care.

 

Before Trump blocked Democratic memo, he said “It’s gonna be released soon.” Right, after he releases his tax returns.

The rings are the thing.

February 9, 2018

It’s that time again – when Americans who might last have set foot on an ice rink in high school suddenly become experts on triple axels.

So will #Cavs jerseys now include badge saying “Hi, my name is…”

Draymond Green was fined $50,000 by NBA or directing inappropriate and offensive language towards an official. Damn, for $50k you’d think the league would tell us what he said.

Tony Dungy tweeted “Nick Foles told me last week that he felt the Lord had him in Philadelphia for a special moment and he played like it tonight.” He defended it later “it was my opinion that Foles would play well because his Christian faith would allow him to to play with confidence.”
Yep, that worked so well in Super Bowls for Tim Tebow.

Kim Kardashian posted a topless picture taken by her four-year old daughter, North. There is not enough money in the world for all the therapy that child is going to need

So are we sure that picture of Trump’s bald head wasn’t just that furry thing that lives on his head trying to escape & ask for amnesty?

So how long until realDonaldTrump comes up with a nasty nickname for the market that won’t do his bidding?   #DisloyalDow#Sneakystocks?

 

Gosh, if only #RandPaul had cared about the deficit when GOP was ramming through those tax cuts.

So let me get this straight, when it comes to the deficit, spending is “reckless” but tax cuts aren’t?

Betting we could get bipartisan agreement on a GoFundMe campaign to bring Rand Paul’s neighbor to Washington, D.C.

So who had to tell Trump that at the National Prayer Breakfast they wouldn’t be praying to him?

 

Top Trump aide had abused 3 women, White House knew about it, & didn’t force him to resign until pictures came out. And Fox News headlines on Clinton & Uranium One. #WTF?

As the disappointment and disgust over John Kelly mounts – who’d have ever thought a general could be so despicable? Why, generals are almost as well-regarded as priests.

From Marc Ragovin – Some people might say that General Kelly was too lazy to get off his ass and investigate rumors that his right hand man is a wife beater.

Joshie, we hardly knew ye…

February 7, 2018

 

Josh McDaniels agreed to become Colts head coach, then told them, sorry, he decided to stay with Patriots. Well, this ought to make New England even more beloved by fans outside Massachusetts.

 –

Well, at least #Colts were undefeated in the Josh McDaniels era.

 

This is the inaugural Olympics mixed doubles  curling competition, and Canada opened with a loss.  The horror.   Hope they can show their faces at home.

Russell Wilson was traded to the Yankees. Was Derek Jeter somehow involved?

 

A Japanese study says a chemical in McDonald’s french fries may cure baldness. So supersize that standing DC order from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

An Eagles fan was seen at MSP Airport with a stolen purple seat from U.S Bank Stadium. To be fair, at #SuperBowl ticket prices, he probably thought he had paid for it

Federal law prohibits many men with active restraining orders from even buying a gun…. but they can work in the White House? #RobPorter #WTF?

Cornell frat is on probation for a “pig roast” sex contest – points given for sleeping with women & a bonus for having sex with woman who weighed the most. Sometimes it IS hard to believe in evolution.

Scary thing, despite allegations from 2 ex-wives & 1 ex-girlfriend, if that black eye picture hadn’t surfaced, GOP would all still be rallied around Rob Porter.

If OJ Simpson would just make a statement supporting @realDonaldTrump, pretty sure @POTUS would find him a White House position.

So when military men & women start coming out against Trump’s parade how long will it take for #CadetBoneSpurs to call them treasonous?

So GOP attacked Hillary and then Huma Abedin over their philandering husbands. I guess it would have been okay if Bill and Weiner just beat their wives instead?

So Justin  Trudeau apologizes for making a “dumb joke that has gone viral” when he corrected “mankind” to peoplekind.”  Donald Trump still hasn’t apologized for “jokingly” referring to Democrats as “treasonous.”

Yesterday a court ordered @POTUS to pay $25 million to students he defrauded with Trump University, and it wasn’t even a top headline for 24 hours. #thenewabnormal

 

So what if we make a deal with @RealDonaldTrump? He resigns and we give him the bigliest parade ever!

Moving on out.

February 6, 2018

Now Marlins have fired John DeCicco, Billy the Marlin for over 10 years, at home games. Are they sure they didn’t trade the mascot for a peanut vendor?

 

That moment when even #Browns feel a bit sorry for #Colts

 

On a brighter note for Knicks fans with Porzingis injury, chances of landing a lottery pick just went up

When only time you talk about football is to call the NFL disgrace over kneeling players, it seems a bit disingenuous to use tragic death of a player for politics. #EdwinJackson

Scott Boras blames lack of @MLB free agent signings on a “noncompetitive environment.” How much blame though falls on agents like Scott Boras?

#SFGiants will retire #BarryBonds‘ number. Suppose it would be inappropriate to make swelled head jokes.

Safeway has champagne/sparkling wine on sale for Valentine’s Day. Discount for 6 bottles or more. For all your “one-and-onlys?”

A San Diego Girl Scout sold over 312 boxes of cookies near a marijuana dispensary. Give that girl a merit badge for entrepreneurship.

John Kelly claims Trump hasn’t read Democratic 10 page memo. “It is quite lengthy.” That’s about 20 minutes read out loud. Any way someone can buy a few days of commercial time on #FoxAndFriends?

#TheDow is on such a roller-coast @realDonaldTrump can’t decide whether to take credit or assign blame.

Fox’s Sean Hannity blamed yesterday’s stock market plunge “because the Obama economy was so weak all of these years.” Congrats to all those who had “less than 12 hours” in the pool.

Trump Evangelical advisor Gloria Copeland – instead of flu shots “inoculate yourselves with the word of God.” Well, one way to reduce Social Security costs, just have more people die.

 

Two New York lawmakers want new safer packaging and warning labels added to Tide pods to make them less appealing to eat.   What, and miss out on all those well-earned Darwin awards?

Democrats just won a Missouri House seat in a district Trump won by 28 points. I missed POTUS’s tweet taking credit

WH official says Trump’s military parade would be to “highlight service & sacrifice of military & have a unifying moment for country.”
I like “biggest inaugural crowd ever” better.

Here’s an idea. What if we let Trump have his military parade only if he wears his new #CadetBoneSpurs uniform?

Another reason it will take a while to schedule Trump’s military parade: Might take bands a while to learn Russian national anthem.

Steve Wynn just stepped down as CEO of his own Wynn Resorts. Apparently if it’s bad enough what happens in Vegas does not always stay in Vegas.

 

Can’t win them all

February 5, 2018

Super Bowl LII was watched by 103.4 million Americans, the lowest number since 2009. How much of that was fact NY is biggest media market, and New Yorkers hated both teams?

If NFL wants better ratings one suggestion is to make the “catch” rule at least as understandable as the balk rule.

Vince Lombardi trophy last night “”On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”

 

Meanwhile did the Dow take a knee Monday for Trump?

Eagles  as a team are not Trump pals nor fans. Wonder how long it will take POTUS to declare that Patriots won the Super Bowl electoral college?

Gisele to her kids “Daddy won five times. They never won before. Their whole life, they never won a Super Bowl. You have to let someone else win sometimes.” So nice of Patriots to “let” Eagles win…

Tom Brady “Losing sucks.” And in Cleveland they’re stampeding for the violins.

Good news for Philadelphia police. City may have gone over-the-top on their Super Bowl celebration. But there’s no chance of another anytime soon with the 76ers or Phillies.

 

If Pepsi wanted to introduce “Quiet Doritos”, for theater or other times when eating in public, guessing they might have a thing.    But who the bleep came up with idea of “Lady Doritos?”

Is the recommended beverage for Lady Doritos a can of New Coke?

The President of the United States now calling opposition party “un-American” & “treasonous.” Even by banana republic dictator standards that’s pretty over the top.

So were Republicans who didn’t stand or applaud during Obama’s SOTU also “treasonous?” Asking for a country.

Give Trump credit – Bigliest one-day drop in the stock market ever.

Trump calls Devin Nunes a man of “tremendous courage and grit.” I think I like Lindsay Graham’s calling Nunes “Inspector Clouseau” better.

    Really? It took  Trump all weekend to think of that name?

 

Adam Schiff “It may be time for General Kelly to give the President a time out,” How silly. We know Trump isn’t a toddler. Because toddlers are capable of learning.

Bowl’ed over

February 4, 2018

Happy Super Bowl Sunday.  Along with 4/20 the favorite American day for the makers of Doritos.

Best Super Bowl commercial should remind millennials. or inform them if they haven’t seen it,  that #DirtyDancing was one of best movies of all time.

Dodge Ram Super Bowl commercials makes many of us long for the simpler days when Martin Luther King, Jr, was only used on his birthday to sell mattresses.

 –

 

On the bright side, kids in Africa are going to be getting some really good looking “Patriots Super Bowl 52” champions t-shirts

Happiest people not in Philadelphia right now are those who bet the over.

But how much would you have gotten on the prop bet in Vegas on two missed PATs in the first half?

Meanwhile, the Patriots are already the favorites to win Super Bowl 53 at 9-2.    While the Bears, Jets, and Browns are 100-1.

Wonder what the odds are on the Browns winning a game?

 

But when did the Super Bowl turn into arena football?

Drew Brees apparently sent Nick Foles good luck wishes before the game. Did Saints coach Sean Payton send the Eagles that trick TD play?

So which comes first, #Eagles saying they don’t want to visit White House or Trump saying he wouldn’t have invited them anyway?

In Philadelphia cops put hydraulic fluid on poles to prevent climbing after #SuperBowl Really? And they took  away all those potential Darwin Award winners & organ donors?

 

February 2012 – Gisele Bundchen “My husband cannot fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time.” Unfortunately for her & Patriots, Nick Foles CAN. #SuperBowl

 

First  Super Bowl with winning TD from an Arizona Quarterback, Nick Foles, to a Stanford tight end, Zack Ertz.   So who needs a stinkin’ bowl game win?  #pac12pride

Super Bowl 52 is over.    The Super Bowl 53 pre-game show starts tomorrow.

SNL skit had Trump getting his daily intelligence briefing from “Fox & Friends.” White House may sue NBC for giving away state secrets.

Eve of the game that cannot be named.

February 4, 2018

So will Terrell Owens be first NFL player ever fined for excessive celebration during his HOF induction speech?

So steroid users can’t be in baseball Hall of Fame, but football has no problem with murderers. #RayLewis

 

Warriors, Cavs, Spurs all lose tonight. Would be more meaningful if we weren’t about two months away from the beginning of the real NBA regular season. #playoffs

Steve Kerr on #Warriors “It’s painful obviously that our guys are mentally fried right now,” That stampeding sound you hear is rest of @NBA rushing to get their violins.

Warriors 30 point loss to Jazz was most embarrassing basketball story of the week. #Duke – “Hold our beer.” #StJohns

Many pundits figure #Eagles have as much chance of beating the #Patriots as St. John’s had of beating #Duke.

 

Trump’s tweet whine about his poll numbers & media reports ends “Oh well, maybe someday.” Same as he said about trying to be Kim Jong Un’s friend. What is he, 12?

 

Even Richard Nixon is thinking that Trump has a serious paranoia problem.

Trump’s tweet whine about his poll numbers & media reports ends “Oh well, maybe someday.” Same as he said about trying to be Kim Jong Un’s friend. What is he, 12?

Ryan talks about a $1.50 a week tax cut being enough for a Costco membership. Even he knows it won’t buy a small cup of coffee at Starbucks.

.

At least Paul Ryan didn’t say $1.50 a week would buy Americans a nice cake they could eat.

 

So Paul Ryan accidentally revealed real GOP tax cut plan for middle class: Give them enough money to buy lottery tickets so they can hope to win and retire.

But come on, isn’t it worth losing healthcare, clean air and water, endangered species, women’s rights, etc. if you gain a whole $1.50 a week.

Okay, really, if you were writing Democratic #DNC ad could you write it better than to say “All GOP budget cuts are worth it to save $1.50 a week?”

Classes, nothing but classes?

February 3, 2018

 

HS QB prospect Brevin White turned down Alabama for…. Princeton, even though he said Alabama “is a program with a great education.” Crimson Tide players are going “a great what?”

Tom Brady rookie card sold for $250,000 on eBay. Well, at least something connected with the Patriots QB is over-inflated.

Patriots staffer spotted today with what appeared to be Tom Brady’s #SuperBowl MVP acceptance speech. Well, this should do wonders for rumors that New England is a team of arrogant a**holes.

Man who sold Las Vegas shooter 720 rounds of ammunition didn’t have a license to manufacture armor-piercing bullets. But hey, middle-aged white guy, so move along, nothing to see here.

Who knew the stock market might not like President of the US pissing off the FBI, CIA and DOJ on the same day?

So when Trump fires Rosenstein and Mueller will he shoot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue just to put an exclamation point on it?

Seems to me that it’s simple with dueling memos. We’re seen GOP version, now just release Dem version and let American people decide. #MemoDay

 

#PunxsutawneyPhil is such a great scientist you expect @realDonaldTrump to appoint him as head of the National Weather Service.

George Papadopoulos is now reportedly a “cooperating witness” Hope he has a covfefe taster. #NunesMemo

Thomas More to Richard Rich, appointed AG to Wales for his perjury that doomed More.  “It profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world… but for Wales?

And GOP gave their souls for #NunesMemo?

 

Trump has been convinced FBI, CIA and DOJ have all been against him. Well, if they weren’t before….

 

Just thinking, if there IS a “pee-tape,” wonder how much higher the odds now are of a pissed-off and insulted FBI agent accidentally, uh, leaking it.

 

If Piers Morgan hadn’t angrily retweeted BBC cartoon of him with his face in Trump’s ass many people would have assumed the kneeling man was some random GOP member of Congress.

 

Yo memo’s so thin and insignificant, Trump wants to date it. #YoMemoJokes

 

From TC  “Budweiser will be airing a new ad during Super Bowl that will show how they shut down a Bud production line and converted it to can only water for donations to Houston, Florida and California during their crises last year. Nice gesture, but they could have just used the “Bud Light line” which is pretty much equal to water.

From Marc Ragovin –  “Vegas is actually taking bets on the quarter and time on the clock when refs will screw up a call in Patriots’ favor.”

Changing shirts?

February 1, 2018

 

American Express partnering with NBA for “Jersey Assurance” program.  If your favorite player is traded or leaves his team you can change his jersey. Guessing this won’t happen with MLB.   The Oakland As alone could bankrupt program.

Eagles QB Nick Foles said he considered becoming a pastor in offseason. But Foles still wouldn’t have been able to top Saints safety Marcus Williams in getting millions on their feet screaming “Jesus Christ.”

MLB says all 30 teams will extend protective netting to “at least the far ends of both dugouts by opening day. So future generations of kids won’t be able to score foul balls (or get autographs)  because this generation pays less attention to game and more to their phones.

 

Trump has declined the traditional President’s pre-Super Bowl interview. Because it would interfere with his golf game?

 

Here’s an idea. if since Trump won’t do a Super Bowl interview NBC could ask Obama if he’s free to fill in?

Trump complaining Democrats doing nothing for #Dreamers with approaching March 5 deadline is like an arsonist starting a fire & saying firefighters won’t make the deal he wants with him.

Reports that White House officials worry FBI director Christopher Wray will quit if Nunes memo is released. Worry that he will, or that he won’t?

Trump tells GOP Orrin Hatch told him he’s the greatest president in the history of our country,” including “Lincoln and Washington.” Didn’t realize Hatch was retiring due to diagnosis of dementia.

As Trump attacks FBI director, remember, Christopher Wray was appointed as Asst. Attorney General at DOJ by George W. Bush & was Chris Christie’s personal lawyer. Not exactly a liberal.

Apparently opioid addicts are now using large doses of over-the-counter anti-diarrhea medication for cheap highs. Wow, to be that desperate how shitty do you have to feel? #bustohell

Let’s be real: If FBI, CIA & DOJ really had been all working together against Trump, then GOP would be calling for impeachment of President Hillary Clinton.

Age is just sort of a number.

January 31, 2018

Patriots president Jonathan Kraft said it’s Tom Brady’s decision as to when he retires. Of course if his performance slips New England reserves the right someday to influence that date by trading Brady to the Browns.

As we approach February,  NBA fans can rejoice, only about 2 months left in the pre-season.

 

So if all these sites think the Isaiah Canaan injury is too graphic to watch, why do they keep showing it?

Whoever thought Michigan State might someday make Penn State look less bad by comparison? #Nassar #Sandusky

In California, coffee may soon carry warnings as a “cancer risk.” But what about warnings for those who might be murdered if their family & co-workers don’t drink it?

Marriott executive at recent travel conference. There are only two countries with a decreasing number of international travelers – one is USA, the other is Turkey. Are we greater yet?

So if we end chain migration will Trump send Melania’s parents and sister back to Slovenia? Asking for a country.

So how many more Benghazi hearings will Trey Gowdy hold before he retires?

That moment when the Press Secretary who always looks like she’s smelling dog poop said “Nancy Pelosi should smile more.”

Last night Trump said the US was with Puerto Rico, today FEMA is halting new shipments of water and food to the island. So “with you” really means “thoughts and prayers?”

 

No real tweets from @realDonaldTrump in three days. Did someone tell him it was time to wash his smartphone?

Have to wonder with all these resignations, at what point does @realDonaldTrump run out of people who are willing to taint their careers by joining his administration?

As Trump reportedly acts in ways that are increasingly king-like, interesting to remember that #SOTU was on 369th anniversary of Charles I of England rather abruptly being removed from that position.

Another reason to have grownups running the country: Hope Hicks is 28. Not that people get more honest as they get older, but they get smarter about lies and obstructing justice.

One of those “many fine people on both sides?” Tomi Lahren yesterday referred to Joe Kennedy as “little limp dick.”

(Must. Not. Make. Vulgar. But. Obvious. Punchline.)

Nashville Mayor Megan Barry said today she had an affair with a policeman in charge of her security. But to be honest, who cares what politicians do in their personal lives, as long as they don’t tell us what to do with ours.

I liked “l’etat c’est moi” when it was just French History.

 

State of the onion?

January 30, 2018

Even liberal Golden State Warriors fans in San Francisco area now wishing they had watched something more enjoyable like Trump’s State of the Union. #Utah

 

Trying to trade for #AlexSmith during State of the Union speech but then f*cking it up so that #Chiefs trade Smith to the #Redskins is so #Browns.

MLB is going to try putting runners on 2nd base at start of 11th inning during the All-Star Game. So are they trying to make the game as watchable as the Pro Bowl?

Hawaii fired the employee who triggered false ballistic missile alert, after he said he didn’t know it was a drill. He reportedly “had a history of confusing drill & real-world events.” So how long until he gets offered job at Fox or White House?

Blockbuster just closed its last Texas store. Shocking, Blockbuster still had ANY stores.

Former Mississippi Haley Barbour was caught w/ loaded handgun at airport security checkpoint today. When is TSA going to start profiling dangerous white men?

Getting bad when you see #NewportBeach trending & when you see awful story thinking “Oh, it’s “only” 3 dead in helicopter crash and not mass shooting.”

Wonder how many Americans will be hungover Wed. morning after playing drinking games during SOTU.

Trump talking about sparing parents pain. Can’t imagine losing a child. But guess what – parents hurt as much when children are killed by an American with a gun. #SOTU

(and as a friend pointed out, or when they are deported and separated from children.)

Has no one told @realDonaldTrump that “In God We Trust” doesn’t mean we all have to worship the same God. Or believe in one at all?

“Beautiful, clean, coal.” Nice triple oxymoron.

 

#WeChooseBoth has a nice ring to it for a 2018 and 2020 slogan.

So parents of murder victims killed by illegal immigrants get acknowledged at #SOTU. But if your child was killed by white man w/ a gun, well, “thoughts & prayers.”

Who had the more frozen poker-face tonight during State of the Union   #NancyPelosi or #Melania?

So wonder how much Trump is promising in an NDA to Melania?

Trump acknowledges heroism of Capitol Police without mentioning that Mike Pence would try gay conversion therapy on one of officers who saved Scalise’s life, and many in GOP don’t recognize her marriage. #SOTU

When did applauding yourself become Presidential? #SOTU

Americans before tonight. Not another member of a political dynasty.
Americans after tonight – humming Camelot
#JoeKennedy #SOTUResponse

 

 

Too soon to start a pool on what @realDonaldTrump’s insulting nickname for Joe Kennedy will be tomorrow?

Charge on

January 30, 2018

USC has sold naming rights for Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum to United Airlines for $69 million. So expect Trojan tickets to have a base price, a cushion fee, a stadium entrance fee, a concession fee….

And how much will the Trojans now charge for extra legroom aisle seats and being able to enter early?

 

Indians getting rid of #ChiefWahoo as “offensive.” So now most offensive thing on the field in baseball will probably be the decimated Marlins.

Damn Alex Reimer,  how dare he actually make me have to take Tom Brady’s side in anything?

(For unintiated, Reimer is the radio guy who made a snide comment today, “annoying little pissant” about Brady’s 5 year old daughter.)

 

Clippers have traded #BlakeGriffin to the Pistons. Well, at least Blake won’t have to worry for a while about playoff pressure.

Nikki Haley complaining on twitter ” I have always loved the Grammys but to have artists read the Fire and Fury book killed it. Don’t ruin great music with trash. Some of us love music without the politics thrown in it.”

Apparently someone never listened to Neil Young, Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, and more recently, Green Day and, Eminem….for starters.

Personally I’ve mostly respected Nikki Haley and don’t think she’s having an affair with @realDonaldTrump. But her little Grammy’s tantrum was worthy of him.

 

Trump to Piers Morgan “‘I think I’m very popular in your country.” Thereby causing millions of Brits to think ‘Well, NHS may not be great with mental healthcare, but it’s clearly better than the US

 

Now NY Times reports Melania was furious about supposed payoff to Stormy Daniels. Furious over the affair, or over $130,000 coming out of potential community property?

Now Sarah Huckabee Sanders says Trump had nothing to do with Andrew McCabe’s firing. I like “biggest inaugural crowd in history” better.

Does anyone doubt that if McCabe had responded “Absolutely I voted for you, Mr. President” that he’d be staying in office until his official retirement date?

So let me get this straight – Trump trusts Putin, but not our own FBI and Justice Department.

In July, 2017 Senate voted 98-2 to impose new sanction on Russia. Today, the last day possible, Trump administration again declined to impose them. Waiting for the GOP outrage on this one… #complicit

Youthful accomplishments

January 28, 2018

Roger Federer, 36, just won the Australian Open, his 20th Grand Slam title. “Such a talented young man” said Tom Brady

 

Kenley Jansen, on the slow @MLB free agent market “Maybe we need to go on strike.” Uh oh, more potential millionaire on billionaire violence?

Miami Marlins to install new netting at Marlins Park along baselines. CEO Derek Jeter “Safety of our fans will always be a priority for this organization.” Of course this year team will keep fans safer by encouraging them to stay at home.

Eagles RB, born in Hackney, a London borough, on the Super Bowl “Talking to my friends in Europe and my family in London I tell them it’s like playing in the Champions League final.” And many Americans are going “the what?”

IKEA founder #IngvarKamprad, 91, has died. His funeral will take place as soon as his family finishes assembling his coffin.

Remembering innocent days when if George W. Bush could string a sentence together we thought he was Presidential. Now Trump gets same credit if he doesn’t say something stark-raving bonkers.

Trump tells Piers Morgan in an interview ‘I’m not a feminist.”  Give the man his due, when he’s right, he’s right.

Trump claims Stormy Daniels is lying. If that’s true, she didn’t sign an NDA. So she can say anything she wants to Jimmy Kimmel. Pass. The. Popcorn

Meghan Markle is reportedly planning her own wedding speech. Bet she’s not promising to obey either. #yougogirl

Time to reset the mass shooting clock again. “Five dead in Pennsylvania shooting rampage.” Expect GOP “thoughts and prayers.” Unless killer was an immigrant.

 

Trump talks today about “decisive action” against the Taliban. Right. And is Mexico going to pay for that too?

Now @realDonaldTrump goes after Jay-Z. TAttack was almost as bad as when Trump attacked Eminem for insulting him. Oh wait, he didn’t! Never mind.

 

Family Research Council head Tony Perkins said evangelicals and conservatives had given Trump a “mulligan” over his past. Including alleged assaults, affairs & grabbing “by the pussy.” A “mulligan?” More like
mulligatawny stew.

Down under.

January 27, 2018

Congrats to Caroline Wozniacki on her Australian Open win.   So who was that golfer she used to date?

MSU coach Tom Izzo is so tone-deaf you almost wonder if he has plans to run for office.

But really, who’d a thunk a big time university sports program would turn a blind eye to sexual harassment and assault?

– –

ESPN’s long national nightmare is over  “Tiger Woods makes first PGA Tour cut since 2015 at Farmers Insurance Open.
Will the last player left on the Marlins please turn out the lights?
 –
Hardest thing for GOP with #SteveWynn scandal. How do they blame this on Hillary?

As #WhyBritsDontWantTrump becomes a top hashtag in England, somewhere George W. Bush is going “Don’t look so bad now, do I?

 

Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin called school shootings a “cultural problem” today. He’s right. Our culture is too pro-gun,

The Coast Guard has seized more than $721 million worth of cocaine off the coasts of Central and South America since late November. But hey, let’s cut their budget so Trump can build that wall.

Two refrigerators on Air Force One to be replaced at cost of $24 million.  To be fair, they have been forced to cope with record amounts of hot air.

As Trump attacks press & claims Mueller firing story is #FakeNews, whatever makes ANYONE think that he would tell the truth under oath?

Trump now whining “DACA has been made increasingly difficult..” Uh, DACA and Dreamers were just fine until you made them part of your anti-Obama mission.

That Hillary Clinton kept someone on her staff too long after he was accused of sexual harassment doesn’t mean she was as bad or worse than Trump. But it’s another reason why we need to move to a younger generation. #MeToo

 

Have a certain amount of sympathy for #MelaniaTrump. But imagine if Michelle Obama had made a 24 hr trip to Florida at taxpayer expense while Barack was overseas.