Archive for March 2018

Cats almost rule?

March 31, 2018

That moment when you realize,  whoever wins, your most successful March Madness effort is going to be a 1:00am Cat Bracket. #Villanova   #Wildcats

 

Congrats to Houston Rockets for securing #1 seed & home-field advantage throughout playoffs. If they want to stay out all night celebrating before tomorrow’s game w/ San Antonio, Spurs will no doubt chip in for bar bill.

 

I guess God wanted Sister Jean to be able to focus on Easter. #marchmadness

Ready for someone on #SFGiants besides Joe Panik to get an RBI.

So if Amazon really WERE evading taxes , by Trump standards wouldn’t that make them “really smart?”

So on the holiest weekend in the Christian calendar, @realDonaldTrump is celebrating by going after Amazon and Jerry Brown. #JesusWept

Well, we all know why Trump really attacked Jerry Brown – He’s jealous of the California governor’s budget surplus, approval ratings, and hand size.

 

$521 million Mega Millions winning ticket sold in New Jersey last night. Assume winner’s first plan with all that money – get out of New Jersey.

My generation sadly misses the Sears Roebuck Christmas catalog. Now millennials will have the experience of missing Toys R Us.

Ted Nugent just said the Parkland survivors have “no soul.” Many fine people….

 

My friend Ezra asked if this meant Nugent was “hollow inside.”  Uh, hollower than a Dollar Store Easter Chocolate bunny…

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Groundhog Night

March 30, 2018

Until tonight, no MLB team had won back-to-back 1-0 games w/ same player hitting home run in each. Ever. But hey, we all knew if it would happen it would be the SF Giants’ Joe Panik against Dodgers.

 

#GroundhogDay. Panik for only HR of the game, Strickland for the save. Just like we all expected.   As we expected Panik to be on pace for 162 home runs.

Mickey Lolich was in a wheelchair as Detroit #Tigers honored him on 50th anniversary of 1968 World Series. And even so Lolich probably would have pitched better today than Tigers’ bullpen.

Kevin Durant says he’s getting additional T’s & ejections due to wanting to repeat last year “What we did as a team was special & and I want to experience that again.”

So if the Warriors were .500 this year KD would be acting like Tim Duncan?

Somehow I have missed all these conservatives who now love Roseanne explaining how that crotch grab during national anthem was just her free speech.

Whatever you think of David Hogg, he has a lot more cojones than any Republican in Congress.

 

Let’s be real here, advertisers not leaving Laura Ingraham show because they’re liberal or snowflakes. They’re leaving because they think staying will cost them $$$, meaning they think most Americans support David Hogg.

EPA Head Scott Pruitt reportedly rented room on Capitol Hill from a health care lobbyist who is married to an energy lobbyist- for $50 a night! But wait – he didn’t stay at Trump hotel? Move him up in Trump firing bingo!

 

Teachers in 4 states are striking or threatening to strike for better wages and benefits. Does the GOP still want them to be armed?

 

I’m old enough to remember when not wanting to be shot at school wasn’t considered to be a political opinion.

As much as I hate to see Trump spend so much time on the golf course, it might keep him from doing even more dangerous things.

Trump has declared April “sexual assault awareness” month So his latest campaign is to put @TheOnion out of business?

 

Laura Ingraham has announced she is taking a “vacation.” Well, the job of White House Communications Director is open.

 

 

From Marc Ragovin  “Claiming executive overreach, Ryan Zinke has announced that he plans to reduce the dimensions of Yankee Stadium’s Monument Park by 71%”

Beat LA

March 29, 2018

Just thinking that over-under on number of days SF Giants might be in first place in 2018 could have easily been zero.

 

 

Yeah without Madbum and Melancon everyone had SFGiants beating Kershaw and Dodgers on Opening Day.

So yeah, we all had first run given up by Clayton Kershaw in all of 2018 be a home run by Joe Panik….

Happy #OpeningDay Have the Marlins been eliminated yet?

Meanwhile, the Detroit Tigers postponed their Opening Day game. So they remain undefeated until Friday.

Who had Kevin Durant ejected twice more this year than Draymond Green?

RIP “Le Grand Orange,” Rusty Staub. The reason many Canadians fell in love with baseball. He really should have been Monsieur Expo.

A Los Angeles judge has ruled that coffee sold in California should have cancer warning labels.  Uh, if we’re talking about dangers, how about a warning that says talking to a coffee drinker before they’ve had their first morning cup might be suicidal?

So Laura Ingraham has attacked immigrants, gays, basketball players, etc.. Learning the hard way that you don’t go after white kids #Followthemoney

Bernie Sanders sent me a fundraising email including that we need to “energize the working families of this country to come out and vote for Democrats.”
Okay, Bernie, can you start by becoming a Democrat yourself?

If Trump has such a problem with Amazon using USPS for delivery at cheap rates, shouldn’t he quit whining and help the post office negotiate a better deal?

“Orders process and deliver within 10-14 business days via the United States Postal Service for delivery within the Domestic U.S. only. ” Amazon? Nope, the “official Donald J. Trump Store.”

 

Stormy Daniels’ lawyer says April 30 will be hearing to determine if Trump has to testify under oath. Hmm, so who will @realDonaldTrump fire over prior weekend?

 

James Mattis to John Bolton “I heard you’re actually the devil incarnate and I wanted to meet you.” Well, some do say Mattis is the smartest man left in White House.

Oh, sh*t….

March 28, 2018

The final spring training game  between  the Angels and Dodgers ended in the fifth inning because of a foul-smelling sewage leak onto the field.  Some punchlines just write themselves.

 

KC catcher Salvador Perez will be out at least a month after reportedly spraining his MCL carrying a suitcase up stairs at his house. Was Perez returning from washing his truck?

LiAngelo Ball is declaring himself for the 2018 NBA draft. And who wouldn’t want a middling talent with a shoplifting record AND an interfering dad from hell? #WTF?

Yes, we know corporate America can be pigs. But when TransUnion only gets your email because email because of a data breach…and then they try to sell you something….. Bigliest pigs.

So if 2020 #Census can ask if you’re a citizen, can it also ask if you own a gun?

Reports that Israeli PM Nethanyahu rushed to hospital with “a very high fever.” Hope he hasn’t had tea with any Russians lately.

In recent CNN poll had 21% believe Trump’s denials of affairs. But guessing that 21% believe every woman who accused Bill Clinton

Congrats to all those who had David Shulkin in Trump firing bingo!

Stormy Daniels’ lawyer “We don’t have a dress.” So time to open the pool on what they DO have?

Has someone told @realDonaldTrump this is not Presidential Apprentice – you don’t need to fire someone EVERY week?

When Trump finally decides he wants a younger wife will he tell Melania he is divorcing her by tweet?

So since Ronny Jackson can say with a straight face that Trump weighs 239 pounds I am sure he will declare all the VA problems over by April.

For all that Trump and GOP love to claim that Democrats are going to take everyone’s guns, Obama didn’t, even in the short time he had a Democratic congress. It’s gun CONTROL, folks.

Oklahoma Senate decided to hike some taxes to raise salaries for teachers, who were about to go on strike because they are some of lowest paid in US. Maybe they didn’t like the idea of angry teachers bearing arms?

Extra voltage

March 26, 2018

Matt Harvey says the Mets will “shock a lot of people” this season. Is there an electrical  wiring issue at Citifield we don’t know about?”

Miami Marlins – 300 to 1 to win the World Series.  “So you are saying there’s a chance…?”

But hey, if the Yankees win the WS with Stanton do the Marlins get a playoff share?

So was last night’s OT between Kansas and Duke the highest rated in NCAA history? #SixtyMinutes 

 

For years Facebook has been saying “Help keep your account safe, please provide your phone number.”. Now feeling extra glad my response was NFW.

Police now say the Maryland high school shooter fatally shot himself in the head. So this time it was a bad guy with a gun stopping himself with the gun.

So many Americans love to hate Grayson Allen & Duke; really would have been fun to have #MarchMadness final between Sister Jean’s Ramblers & Blue Devils. #GoodvsEvil

 

As badly behaved as Bill Clinton could be remember he also had many friends including women who stuck up for him. With @realDonaldTrump – crickets.

Maybe @realDonaldTrump should have thought about getting into a battle with a professional who screws other people for a living. #StormyDaniels

Waiting for someone in GOP to claim that Trump’s affair problems are all a result of US legalization of gay marriage.

 

RIP #LindaBrown. No doubt given stats on voting & education GOP would prefer to overturn Brown v. Board of Education right after they take care of Roe v. Wade.

Not that Facebook hasn’t apparently done some scuzzy stuff, some really scuzzy stuff.   But who really thought they had any kind of privacy with what they posted?

 

As in, DID YOU NOT WATCH “THE SOCIAL NETWORK?”

 

I’m a luddite, but if only there were a generation of people really good at social media… Might be tempted to advise them to make fake Facebook posts referencing illegal acquaintances to send ICE on bigliest wild goose chases ever….

The time’s they are a changin’

March 25, 2018

Robert Kraft used his team’s private jet to fly the Parkland survivors and their families to #MarchForOurLives.   Now on top of everything else I have to say something nice about the Patriots?

But well played New England, well played.

Grayson Allen’s shot rimmed out and kept Duke from heading to San Antonio for the Final Four. Why do I think Gregg Popovich will make sure there’s not much chance Allen will be heading to San Antonio next year to play for the Spurs?

#Michigan over #FSU 58 to 54. Many casual fans are thinking “I didn’t know bowl games were played in March.”

Patriots safety Duron Harmon arrested Costa Rica Friday for trying to bring marijuana into the country, along with THC candy and marijuana oil.. Uh, Harmon couldn’t have just gone to Jamaica? #cantfixstupid

Expecting teenagers to seriously change the political dynamic in USA is like expecting Loyola-Chicago & Michigan to end up in Final Four. #MarchMadness#MarchforourLives

 

Difference between Donald Trump and his porn star lover – at least when Stormy Daniels screws people she gives them value for their money.

That moment when a porn star has the moral high ground over the President of the United States. #StormyDaniels

Apparently when @realDonaldTrump returns to DC, Melania will stay at Mar-A-Lago through Spring Break. Assume she’s trying to figure how to say Spring Break lasts until the 1st day of summer.

 

If you say that @realDonaldTrump’s cheating is a non-issue between him & Melania then I sure as hell hope you didn’t condemn @HillaryClinton for staying in her marriage.

Rick Santorum said students should learn CPR instead of protesting against gun violence. Again showing the intelligence & sensitivity that caused him to lose his Senate seat by 18 points.

No wonder @realDonaldTrump left town this weekend. Since he’s still sensitive about his inaugural, it would have upset him to see what a real DC crowd looked like. #MarchForOurLives

WTF is this crap that liberals & “the left” are “using” these young people? This is THEIR #MarchForOurLives Many of us grownups are just watching in awe.

 

John Kasich today on #MarchForOurLives “people should be held absolutely accountable at the ballot box.” So where’s pool for date Ohio Gov. announces he’s primarying Trump?

Only 46.1% of eligible voters under 30 voted in the 2016 election.#MarchForOurLives #MarchToThePolls

Neil Young on Trump “He has no balls. He hasn’t got one ball. All the bravado, all the you’re fired, you’re fired, all that s—, he doesn’t have the balls to look anybody in the face & tell them anything.” “Neil Young overrated” tweet in 3.2.1?

Finally… last but not least… “No one would know your names” if your classmates hadn’t died…. We wouldn’t know the names of many heroes if not for tragedies. Tragedies often create heroes. And the NRA can go f*ck themselves.

Clearly…

March 23, 2018

Madison Bumgarner should have taken the day off to ride his dirt bike. 

 

Number one googled question today with SFGiants fans. “How long does a fractured hand take to heal?”

 

Every year MLB has a Rookie of the Year, usually someone unexpected. This year it might as well be a SFGiants starting pitcher, right?

First Shark, then Madbum. Thinking about now SF Giants coach  Bruce Bochy might be calling Spurs coach  Gregg Popovich to see how “smoke and mirrors” coaching style works.

ESPN reseeded brackets after all 1st weekend upsets. 13-14-15-16 were Florida State-Michigan-Loyola Chicago & Kansas State.
Maybe they should have quit while they were behind.

Apparently Kentucky players didn’t shake hands with Kansas State after their Sweet 16 loss. I’m sure it was just an oversight by classy coach John Calipari..

Democrats OFFERED Trump money for his wall in exchange for a path to citizenship for 1.8 million DACA immigrants. S  o again today – lies, damn lies, and Trumpisms.

WSJ said Trump signed spending bill because aides warned him he’d be blamed for government shutdown while he flew off to Mar-A-Lago.    So US government stays open because POTUS wanted to golf? #whatacountry

Trump to Congress while signing spending bill – “I will never sign another bill like this again.” So does he expect to resign or be impeached?

How petty for Trump to announce Friday night executive order banning transgenders from serving in military. When it would be easy for transgender cowards to claim bone spurs.

Only thing that will make @realDonaldTrump more unhappy than thought of kids in #MarchForOurLives voting is that march crowd will be bigger than his inaugural.

A rumor that Trump was going to fire HUD secretary Ben Carson Thursday.   Did he hold off because he couldn’t find anyone else to take job, or is he waiting for Stormy Daniels interview?

From TC,  “If teachers are to be armed, will librarians have silencers?

And seriously, so while NRA crows about “good guy with a gun” after shooting at Great Mills high school,  Jaelynn Willey, 16, died when her parents took her off life support.

 

#Marchforourlives