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You think you had a rough Monday?

July 7, 2009

You think you had a rough Monday. How’d you like to be a guy coming home to his wife who actually did spend the long weekend doing a solo hike on the Appalachian trail.

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And okay, maybe I’m biased. But it does seem bizarre – Manny Ramirez gets a ton of adulation for returning to his MLB team from a 50 game suspension for a female fertility drug. And Candace Parker barely makes the news for returning to her WNBA team less than 50 days after having an actual baby.

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Any truth to the rumor this was Al Franken’s first statement on being finally seated in the Senate?

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people elected me.”

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Have you tried the new Sarah Palin cocktail. Russian vodka over ice with bitters and a garnish of sour grapes. Potentially powerful, but you want to quit half way through.

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The San Francisco Giants are eager to move beyond the Bonds era into a time when all their top stars are not only good players but also are good role models to encourage children to play fair.

And to further cement that image the Giants are encouraging all their fans to get behind Pablo Sandoval by voting early and often..

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Breakfast, and lunch, and dinner, at Wimbledon…

July 6, 2009

How long did Sunday’s epic five set match last at Wimbledon between Roger Federer and Andy Roddick? By the time it was over, Brett Favre had un-retired and retired three times.

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How long was the match? NBC may get around to showing it on tape-delay by Monday.

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Roger Federer’s Wimbledon win gave him 15 Grand Slams. Or as Joey Chestnut calls 15 Grand Slams, a light breakfast.

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Just wondering, in the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest, are Tums considered a performance enhancing drug?

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Reportedly Alaskans have asked Tina Fey if she wants to finish out Governor Sarah’s Palin’s term. She looks the same, sounds more articulate, and has been spending about the same amount of time recently in Alaska.
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Sarah Palin’s speech has been compared to Richard Nixon’s famous “Checkers” speech. Actually, the original plan for her speech involved a gift puppy. But it looked a bit wolf-like, and unfortunately Sarah shot it.

(No hate mail from PETA please, I am not condoning shooting puppies.)
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Vice President Biden said that he and President Obama “misread” the severity of the recession. And former President Bush said “See what can go wrong when you read?”

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Arizona has passed a law allowing people to bring guns into bars. In related news, Plaxico Burress immediately instructed his agent to start negotiating with the Cardinals.

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The San Francisco Giants have two pitchers on the All-Star Team, Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain. The last time that happened was back in the 1960s – those pre-performance enhancing asterisk days. One of the Giants pitchers named was Juan Marichal, the other – Gaylord Perry.

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A higher calling?

July 5, 2009

Sarah Palin said she resigned as Governor of Alaska because she had a “higher calling.” I like the one about hiking the Applachian Trail better.

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Alaskan Lt. Governor Sean Parnell, who will succeed Governor Sarah Palin after she leaves office this month, called Palin “Alaska’s greatest gift to the United States.” Greatest gift to the United States? Well…maybe not exactly. Greatest gift to U.S. comedy writers?. Absolutely.

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But give Palin credit on another front, if David Letterman was planning on taking the weekend off, he’s now been spending it working for Monday – as in “The Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Quit.”

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Sarah Palin noted as one of the reasons she quit that as a lame-duck Governor, since she was not running again in 2010, that she really couldn’t do anything good for the state. Residents of South Carolina are responding “Yeah, what she said.”

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Although, let’s be fair. Governor Palin was inaugurated in December 2006. She served an entire year and a half before she was chosen as John McCain’s running mate. And has been back in the state, off and on, since the election was over. So that’s two and a half years – with time off for campaigning, speaking, and fundraising – out of a four year term. And the media dares to call her a quitter??

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Although the Philadelphia Phillies are in first place, they have one of the worst records in their home ballpark of any team in baseball. In fact, their home to road scoring ratio is worse than anyone’s, with the possible exception of Bill Clinton. (or Mark Sanford.)

By the way, anyone else rooting for Tim Lincecum and Tim Wakefield to start the All Star game? Only about 20 years and 40 mph between them.

And congratulations to Joey Chestnut, three time winner of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest. So the Japanese are putting our automakers out of business. Americans still rule when it comes to eating.

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And a belated happy Fourth of July. The way things are going in the U.S., you have to wonder if they aren’t celebrating in Britain too – as in the 233th anniversary of “It’s not our problem.”

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Baseball, Sarah Palin, and other bizarre stories.

July 4, 2009

So the San Francisco Giants have three Cy Young winners (Randy Johnson, Barry Zito and Tim Lincecum) on their team. Plus a likely future winner in Matt Cain. And their best starting pitcher over the last week has been… Ryan Sadowski?!!

(for non hardcore baseball fans, 26 year old rookie, 2 starts, 2 wins, O runs.)

With all these adoring fans cheering Manny Ramirez’s return, will this baseball season in Los Angeles be subtitled “How I learned to stop worrying and love the asterisk?”

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And for those who find the Ramirez story is too heavy a dose of reality, and that Mark Sanford isn’t bizarre enough, thank you Sarah Palin.

But give soon-to-be former Governor Palin credit for a good sense of timing. Her rambling, disjointed resignation wasn’t even the most embarrassing speech given by a Governor this week.

Sarah Palin said in her speech “you have to know when to pass the ball.” And Kobe Bryant responded, “Not exactly.”

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So what made Sarah Palin decide to step down? Not like the job has been taking up that much of her time lately. Seems like she has racked up more frequent flier miles than any Governor not named Sanford.

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Sarah Palin is actually stepping down with over a year and a half left on her term. Hard to say who was more disappointed? Her remaining fans, or folks in California and South Carolina that it wasn’t THEIR governor.

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The almost Fourth of July.

July 3, 2009

Most American business are celebrating Independence Day today, July 3. And George W. Bush is thrilled, saying “I knew ‘When is the Fourth of July holiday?’ was a tough question.

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Shaquille O’Neal says that his motto in Cleveland will be “a ring for the King” (referring to Lebron James.) Either he is promising a championship or he is bringing a good referral from Kobe’s jeweller.

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In the midst of a budget crisis, Arnold Schwarzenegger is having a difficult time dealing with unruly legislators in California. Which disappoints all those who voted for him based on the leadership skills he showed in “Kindergarten Cop.”

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Staples Center will be the site of Michael Jackson’s public memorial ceremony. The arena has a great deal of experience hosting thousands of crying people, although usually they are Clippers fans.

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It’s been a tough week for celebrity deaths. On the bright side, when was the last front page story about Jon and Kate?.

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Joe Biden is on a diplomatic mission to Iraq and will stay longer than either President Obama or Bush did in the country -two full days. But to be fair, Biden told Obama he needed time to say a few words.

Two days of Joe Biden talking?!! Didn’t President Obama promise not to torture?

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And just a twisted thought, will Karl Madden be buried with his American Express card?

Followed by another twisted thought from Bill Littlejohn.

“Shaq’s motto in Cleveland will be ‘Win a ring for the King’. As opposed to what he did in Los Angeles for Kobe – “‘Put up a brick for the…” Oh, never mind..

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Welcome back, Candace

July 1, 2009

Okay, for anyone who thinks only men are tough enough to play pro sports, I give you Candace Parker. Who returned to practice for the Los Angeles Sparks, six weeks after having a baby.

Of course, let’s be fair, if men were required to take six weeks off from sports after the birth of their baby, it would shut down the NBA.

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Crabtree and Evelyn just filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. This news upset millions of women and about two men.

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The Sears Tower has unveiled new transparent balconies 103 stories high, nicknamed “the Ledge.” These balconies are really five-sided glass boxes that will allow visitors, if they wish, to look straight down.

Most Chicagoans haven’t had such a sinking feeling since the last time the Cubs were in the postseason.

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New fashion item in South Carolina?

“I crossed a line with Governor Sanford and all I got is this lousy t-shirt.”

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If laughter is the best medicine, then I do suppose we have to credit Mark Sanford for doing his part for government assisted health care.

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There are 122 teams combined in the NHL, NBA, NFL and MLB. An ESPN survey ranked those teams from the most and least fan-friendly. The Los Angeles Angeles finished first, while the Los Angeles Clippers finished 122nd. This is shocking. The Clippers have fans?

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Questions for Manny.

July 1, 2009

Manny Ramirez will face many questions from the media when he returns from his female fertility drug suspension on Friday. Which is okay, as Manny has a question for them too – “Does this uniform make me look fat?”

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Okay, it’s their national sport, but even so, in a recent poll only 29 percent of Canadians correctly identified the Montreal Canadians as the last team from Canada to win the Stanley Cup.

But to be fair, Canadian schools really don’t teach much ancient history.

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So let’s see, a rambling weepy confessional, way too much sexual detail, and an over-the-top romantic view of a part-time secret relationship. Are we sure Governor Sanford shouldn’t be tested for female fertility drugs?

Mark Sanford says his affair with “Maria” was not about sex, it was a “forbidden, tragic, love story.” Forget the West Wing, this Governor is thinking for “West Side Story.”

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Regarding that “forbidden, tragic love story”, can we start referring to him as “Governor Zhivago?

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The Red Sox blew a 10-1 lead Tuesday night and lost to the Orioles 11-10. Boston hasn’t seen a sports-related collapse like that since John Kerry was photographed windsurfing.
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Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison. On the bright side for Bernie, by the time he gets out, Brett Favre may have finally decided about retirement.
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And okay, let’s hear it for the winners in the “Which gets decided first – the Minnesota Senate race, or the Vikings’ starting quarterback?” contest?

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A politician’s best friend?

June 30, 2009

A teenager was turned away from a flight to South America in Miami because his golden retriever had chewed up his passport, making it unreadable.

Which means had Mark Sanford only had a dog, he might still be a legitimate presidential candidate for 2012

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Daniel Radliffe, the 19-year-old star of “Harry Potter”, says he prefers dating older women, because they are less work. Not to mention that dating “women” younger than him is generally at least a misdemeanor.

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Yao Ming has a serious foot injury that could mean the end of his NBA career. Besides being a star player, Yao actually has done his part for global warming. By assuring that instead of being shipped thousands of miles, many more NBA souvenirs have been sold in their country of origin.

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Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison. Which is appropriate, it’s over 1000 in dog years.

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Rudy Giuliani says he is thinking of running for Governor of New York. Well, with three wives, who has more experience with family values?

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New bumper sticker in South Carolina?

“It’s 10pm, do you know where your governor is?”

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And when Sanford finally leaves office, whether by resignation or term limit, will the band play “Happy Trails?”

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Soccer headline? (and more Sanford)

June 29, 2009

Headline after the U.S. Soccer Team lost a 2-0 lead and the game to Brazil?

Brazil waxes U.S. in second half?

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Of course, in the battle for South American bragging rights, Brazil says they took down the U.S. soccer team, Argentina says, big deal, we took down a U.S. Governor.

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In losing again to the Yankees on Sunday night, the Mets managed to walk Mariano Rivera – in his THIRD career at-bat- with the bases loaded. Walking a closer with the bases loaded? Might be the most embarassing move in sports not involving the Stanford band.

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Much has been made of the fact that beers at the new Citi Field are cheaper than beers at Yankee stadium. Though to be fair, at this point the Mets say its for medicinal reasons.

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So now we’ve had Senator Ensign confessing an affair with a campaign worker, and Governor Sanford confessing an affair with a television reporter. Conan O’Brien, David Letterman and Jimmy Fallon are thrilled. And Jay Leno is thinking, “hey, can the next idiot wait to be caught until September?”

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Dick Cheney still maintains waterboarding is not torture. He did, however, state after watching Governor Sanford’s apology that forcing prisoners to watch the speech in its entirety might be a violation of the Geneva convention.
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Al Sharpton said “Michael Jackson wasn’t a freak, he was a genius.”

Actually, Al, it wasn’t necessarily an either/or question.

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Weekend musings

June 27, 2009

So Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa had an affair with an anchorwoman, John Edwards had an affair with a documentary filmmaker, and now apparently Governor Mark Sanford’s “Maria” is a television reporter. Sort of puts a whole new spin on media relations, doesn’t it?

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Friday night Lou Piniella told Milton Bradley to take his uniform and go home after yet another tantrum by the mercurial outfield. Today, the Cubs manager apologized for the remarks he made afterwards in the dugout. Allegedly Paniella said “You’re not a ballplayer, you’re a piece of ****.” Guess he thinks he might have been wrong about the ballplayer part.

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The NFL pre-season starts in less than seven weeks, on Aug 13. Fans in Washington wonder if that will be before or after the Nationals are officially eliminated from playoff contention.

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Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers, sustained flooding in its service area this week resulting in moderate damage to some concession and promotional items.
No word if rain entered and watered down the beer supply. Of course, it being Miller, fans wouldn’t notice.

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Manny Ramirez continued his rehab assignment Saturday by hitting against single A pitching at Lake Elsinore. I guess the Dodgers figured that was the best possible preparation for his rejoining the team and facing the San Diego Padres staff next weekend.

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Mark Sanford – the Governor King?

June 26, 2009

In the latest installment of the “Not so Young and the Restless,” aka the Mark Sanford story, the Governor is comparing himself to King David. Although maybe Sanford should have read his Bible more carefully. At the time the King saw Bathsheba in the bath, he already had eight other wives, along with concubines. Not to mention that little matter of having Bathsheba’s husband murdered.

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And while Sanford is studying up on his Bible, he can learn this line he apparently missed in the past – John 8-7. “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone…”

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Other potential royal titles for Sanford – The Lyin’ King, or King Leer?

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It’s not even 2010 and the potential Republican Presidential candidates for 2012 are dropping like flies, or rather, their flies are dropping.

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Hard to believe, but if this keeps up the Republican party may look back on this decade and realize their least embarrassing presidential candidate might end up being George W. Bush.
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Much has changed in the 27 years since Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” videos revolutionized the music industry. But watching all the public tributes in the streets, it’s clear one thing hasn’t changed – white people still can’t moonwalk.

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All this Michael Jackson coverage really has consumed most of the American media’s attention these days. Which was frustrating for all the fans trying to follow Thursday’s NBA draft, and both fans trying to follow Friday’s NHL draft.

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Does he know something about global warming we don’t? Ricky Rubio says one reason he doesn’t want to sign with Minnesota, is that his mother doesn’t like cold weather. So he wants to sign with the Knicks?

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Another from Bill Littlejohn.

Ryan Leaf surrendered to authorities after having several outstanding warrants for his arrest. This might be the first time Leaf and “outstanding” have been used in the same sentence since he left Washington State.

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Luckiest man in the world..

June 26, 2009

What an incredible news day. First Farrah Fawcett, then Michael Jackson. Which makes the luckiest man in the world- Mark Sanford

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You have to feel sorry for someone at the Los Angeles Clippers’ headquarters. Who figured this morning, okay, Manny Ramirez is still down in Albuquerque, there haven’t been any new USC scandals this week, there’s no reality show finale….okay TODAY, with the first pick in the NBA draft we are going to dominate the front page..

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Speaking of the NBA draft, okay, in the grand scheme of things this is trivial, but how would you like to be advertisers who had spent a ton of money today for spots on ESPN during the NBA draft. Which started about 1 hour after Jackson’s death was announced.

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Although, okay, if they took a poll of Americans and asked which recent story they might have preferred Jackson’s death to eclipse on all the news channels, about 90 percent would have probably said “Jon and Kate.”

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But note to any younger readers of this blog, if you ever hear people talking about the days when there were only a few channels, and on a major news day everything was the same, today might have been the closet you got to seeing that. I think even QVC was selling Thriller CDs.

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And back to mundane sports, for anyone who thinks the boss is throwing a tough challenge their way over the weekend, how about being the starting pitcher for Single A Rancho Cucamanga Saturday, and finding out you get to face Manny Ramirez?

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Though about this 50 game suspension, for the last two weeks Ramirez gets to play against AAA and A teams, with sellout crowds rooting for him. And people thought Martha Stewarts end of term sentence to house arrest with an electronic ankle monitor was light?

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Brandon Jennings, who skipped college to play in Europe, announced he would skip the New York NBA ceremony and media “green room” during the draft. Instead, he said he would watch it with his family. Jennings denied it had anything to do with the fact his stock had been dropped lately.. But when he was drafted 10th, Brandon changed his mind and came over to Madison Square Garden.

Well, the young man may not be the next Michael Jordan, but he is well on his way to being the next Brett Favre.

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Theme song for Governor Sanford?

June 25, 2009

My suggestion for a theme song for formerly missing South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford? “Don’t cry for me, I’m in Argentina.”

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Or possibly “Crying for me in Argentina.”

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This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Republican party, since last week.

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I mean, how can you reasonably expect people to believe you confused Appalachia and Argentina? Unless your name is George W. Bush.

And this great follow up from Zev Karlin-Neumann – apparently his advisors told him if he wanted to be President that he needed more experience in foreign affairs.

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Just a thought, has anyone told the Republicans that having Presidential aspirations doesn’t mean you have to aspire to be President Clinton.

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I’m not sure who will end up with the Republican nomination, but at this point my money’s on someone who’s had prostrate surgery.

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President Obama became testy with reporters this week and said that he “did not operate on a 24 hours news cycle.” Former President Bush commented that he agreed, and in fact preferred a mountain bike himself.

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Let’s see, Eliot Spitzer, Rod Blagojevich, and now Mark Sanford. It’s hard to believe there was a time when comedy writers looking for material on governors had to settle for them being either a former pro-wrestler or actor.

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The U.S. Soccer team upset the top-ranked Spanish team. The last time something this embarrassing happened to Spain, the Armada was involved.

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Michael Jordan’s son says he is leaving the University of Illinois basketball team to focus on this studies. The number one response from fellow college basketball players – “What are studies?”
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Manny Ramirez continues his rehab assignment in Albuquerque. Apparently the slugger has also been using his suspension to line up more endorsement contracts. Like “First Response.”

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Reality and unreality.

June 24, 2009

Now that the split is official, Kate Gosselin says in divorce papers that she and her husband Jon have lived “separate and apart” for at least two years.

Which means that the whole reality show about their marriage has been a lie for that time. We may be losing a televised marriage, but we are gaining two potential political candidates.

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Between all the steroid scandals and stories like Jon and Kate’s that make you wonder about ALL reality shows, who’d have thought that the most honest entertainment out there might be pro wrestling?

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The Oakland As honored their 1989 World Series winning team Tuesday night. Mark McGwire declined to attend, although he was offered a chance to throw out the first syringe.
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New Mexico police cited a woman for keeping 334 bunny rabbits in her yard. 334 bunnies?! Or as Hugh Hefner calls that “a good start.”

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San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum pitched his second complete game victory against the Oakland A’s in a week Tuesday night. The Giants could have sure used Lincecum in 1989 when they were swept by the As in the World Series. Except for the fact Timmy was four years old.

Over 15,000 people showed up in Albuquerque to watch Manny Ramirez start his rehab from his 50 game suspension with the Triple A Isotopes. Ramirez went 0-2. But let’s be fair, 15,000 people? That’s a much bigger audience than he’s used to seeing in the early innings at Dodger Stadium.

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Ed McMahon died today. He was the perfect sidekick. Always there, always charming, always in the background supporting his man. In related news, Barack Obama sent DVD’s of Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show to Joe Biden.

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Jon and Kate, Separ – Eight.

June 23, 2009

Does anybody really care?

Actually Jon and Kate are saying now that the pressure of having their whole team on national television every week really took its toll. And the Detroit Lions said “Tell us about it.”

Alternate punchline, the Detroit Lions said “Wait a minute, that’s OUR excuse.”

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Gloria Estefan has purchased a stake in the Miami Dolphins. No word yet if the Dolphins running attack will now be nicknamed the “Miami Ground Machine.”
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Speaking of television, Lindsay Lohan is apparently getting her own reality show. This may be the first time in recent memory that the terms Lindsay Lohan and reality have been used in the same sentence.

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The Guardian Council, Iran’s top electoral body, found “no major fraud” in the recent presidential election. Apparently they used the same investigative techniques that Bud Selig used to proclaim baseball’s steroids testing program so successful.

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Iran’s top electoral body found “no major fraud” in their recent presidential election. They also announced that they felt sure Derrick Rose took his own SAT test.
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An 103 year old man, believed to be the oldest living professional baseball player, threw out the first pitch last weekend at a Padres game. The man said it was the biggest thrill he has had in baseball – well, since he hit his first home run against Jamie Moyer.

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This line below was actually spoken live on ESPN’s coverage of the College World Series Monday night. The context, for any readers with dirty minds, was that the weather was so hot and humid, it was almost impossible to keep the baseballs moisture free.

“The balls are getting wet in the umpire’s sack.”

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And this is one I wish I had written, from the very funny Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Star Phoenix and Canada.com

“Tom Brady’s supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen is expecting a baby. Either that or she ate a grape.”
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Father’s Day sponsorship

June 21, 2009

In this commercial age, many people think Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day are basically sponsored by Hallmark. Father’s Day, however, is still sponsored by the NBA.

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USC’s basketball team allegedly gave financial incentives to recruits under former coach Tim Floyd. As Floyd’s replacement, the Trojans hired Memphis Grizzlies assistant coach (and former Toronto Raptors head coach) Kevin O’Neill. Makes sense, O’Neill has experience dealing with guys who have been paid to play at a top amateur level.

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Barry Zito, who has pitched better than his record indicates, nonetheless notched his fourth win of the season against seven losses today. At a $14 million a year salary this pro-rates to something about $1.5 million a win. Or as the Yankees would call that – a real value.
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The wrecking ball used to demolish New York’s Shea stadium is for sale on Ebay. Apparently the highest bidders are a coalition of pitchers who want to use the ball on the new Yankee Stadium.

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By the way, if A-Rod’s home run records are tainted because he tested positive for steroids, how much less tainted are they for now hitting in Yankee Stadium?
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President Obama is still taking heat from PETA over swatting that fly. But apparently it is going to get worse. Sarah Palin is claiming that he should have left the fly alone as it was underage.
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Another tacky difference between Obama and Clinton. This one is very tacky.

President Obama says he loses sleep over fears of mounting deficits. As opposed to President Clinton, who lost sleep over thinking about who to mount.

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Tossing cookies etc…

June 21, 2009

A suggested theme for this year’s U.S. Open – “Swinging in the Rain?”

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As noted by Alex Kaseberg, there haven’t been so many waterlogged rich white people together at one time since the Titanic.

Kerry Wood, now pitching for the Cleveland Indians, blew his second save in as many days at Wrigley Field, So much for all those naysayers who thought Wood would never again be of any use to the Cubs.
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Nestle voluntarily recalled their Toll House cookie dough after an E Coli scare and the FDA reiterated their warning that Americans should never eat raw cookie dough. Okay, handwashing and sanitizing, swine flu quaratines, I can get behind those things and more. But life without eating raw cookie dough? I don’t think so.

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Manny Ramirez is starting a rehabilitation assignment in Albuquerque Tuesday.  Now, this doesn’t make a lot of sense in terms of  a punishment.  First the Dodgers save his salary for 50 days.  Then they are going to make a fortune on increased AAA ticket sales.  Maybe Bud Selig should order a rehabilation assignment that moves things towards parity- like make him rehab for the Nationals.   Or a farm team for the Marlins?

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A little weird trivia. The San Francisco Giants honored 45 year old pitcher Saturday night with a ceremony honoring his 300th win. Curiously enough, they had invited former pitcher KirK Reuter, who retired three years ago, to Friday night’s game, and showed highlights of Reuter’s carrer on the Jumbotron. What’ weird? Kirk- aka Woody – is 7 years YOUNGER than Johnson.

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And finally, a tacky alert. What’s the difference between President Obama and President Clinton? Obama downed a fly, Clinton’s fly was already down.

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Retirements and other endings..

June 20, 2009

Joseph Houghtaling,  the inventor of the “Magic Fingers Vibrating Bed,” has died.  His funeral service will have a nominal 25 cents admission charge but promises to be a relaxing 15 minute experience.

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Woods had two double bogeys and a bogey in the last four holes of his U.S. Open first round. So will the headlines read “Bethpage puts Tiger in the tank?”

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Tom Glavine told the Associated Press in a text message that he plans to “hang out” for the rest of the summer but is not announcing his retirement. Wonder if  he’ll be “hanging out” with Brett Favre?

Apparently the husband of John Ensign’s former mistress has made “exorbitant demands for cash and other financial benefits” to the Nevada Senator. Even Rod Blagojevich says this story is getting tacky.

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My Space laid off 30 percent of their workforce.   The main reason the company gave for firing those employees ?  They were spending too much time at work on Facebook and Twitter.

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In two weeks,  Manny Ramirez’s drug suspension will be over.  He assures the Dodgers he will return as a good teammate with a great attitude, especially as he no longer suffers from PMS.

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From Bill Littlejohn:

Iran spiritual leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei says the elections there ‘weren’t rigged.  He also says Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire belong in the Hall of Fame”

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Wet and wild.

June 18, 2009

The U.S. Open was postponed until Friday due to rain pooling on the greens. Apparently officials felt it would be unfair, as most players,  unlike Tiger,  can’t walk on water.

 

A navy captain has reportedly  banned Brussels sprouts from his ship and labelled them the “devil’s vegetable.”  That’s ridiculous.  Brussels  sprouts are not the “devil’s vegetable.”  Lima beans are the devil’s vegetable.  (I will never forget the day I found out they both tasted bad AND were high calorie.)

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Kenneth Starr just endorsed Sonia Sotomayer. Is this a devious Republican plan to get President Obama to withdraw her nomination?

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The Pac 10 shot down UCLA coach’s Rick Neuheisel’s proposal to allow kids under 18 on the sidelines for football games. Was this about age or the players’ SAT scores?

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And a follow up from Alex Kaseberg –  What do you call a USC player with an SAT score of 18?  The team tutor.

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Hillary Clinton fell this week and broke her elbow. Unfortunately it happened when she got up to answer the phone at 3am.

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My Space laid off 30 percent of their work force.  No reason was given but the layoffs were announced on Facebook and Twitter.

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Long speeches, short marriages.

June 18, 2009
President Obama gave the longest speech of his presidency today to the AMA.  56 minutes. Or as Joe Biden calls that, “introductory remarks.”
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The San Francisco Giants have been struggling this season to score runs.  One potential fix.  Trade Jonathan Sanchez to another National League West  team.
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The Red Sox beat the Florida Marlins 6-1 today in the 500th straight sellout at Fenway Park.  Said many of the Marlin players in post-game interviews – “What’s a sellout?”
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Billy and Katie Lee Joel are separating after five years of marriage.  Apparently the relationship ran into trouble when Katie Lee went through puberty..
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Kate Moore,  age 15,  from Iowa, won the National Texting Championship.   No word on who won the over 18 Senior Division.
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The Lakers drew thousands to their celebration of the team’s 15th NBA title. Not to be outdone, the Clippers promise their fans a celebration next year if and when the team gets their 15th win.

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