Archive for February 2019

Break time

February 15, 2019

No serious NBA games to watch for a week because of the All-Star Break.  So all basketball fans get a last of what it’s like to root for the Knicks.

Though really, it’s a tough time for many US sports fans – after  Super Bowl, before Spring Training games start, and NBA games really matter…. and of course, before for three weeks we all become fans of college basketball teams we had never heard of…

A Florida woman was arrested for throwing a frozen pork chop at her boyfriend,  lacerating his face. . If she’d only thawed it out.

(read that above joke out loud.)

Trevor Bauer says his arbitration hearing with Indians ended with ‘character assassination’ – Well this should start off 2019 with a warm fuzzy feeling in the Cleveland clubhouse.

Trump fundraising email of day says “Deadline is Midnight to wish Donald and Melania a Happy Valentine’s Day.”
I really don’t care, do U?

 

There once was a POTUS named Trump
Whose ego could not take its lumps
Since he’s not 6’3″
Nor close to 243.
His wall will distract from his rump.

 

As California faces massive flooding from heavy rains this week, what excuse will Donald Trump use to blame the state and deny federal funds?

This reality show version of the Manchurian Candidate really really sucks.

Susan Collins, on Trump’s “National Emergency.” This approach does set a very bad precedent for future presidents, whether it’s a Democrat or a Republican, to feel that they can get around Congress’s constitutional role to allocate funding. It’s very serious and troubling to me.”
Too soon to start a pool on when Collins will give a speech announcing she supports the President?

17 people, including 14 children, murdered by troubled young man who should never have had gun, and Trump is “praying for continued strength and healing.”
One person gets killed by an immigrant and he demands more billions for his wall. #Parkland.

But seriously, what kind of sick f*ck declares a National Emergency over a vanity project on anniversary of 17 people being murdered by mass shooter in Parkland?

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Boiling over?

February 14, 2019

Ravens traded Joe Flacco to Broncos. Well, Denver has already proven you can win a Super Bowl with a former NFL quarterback.

What’s more shocking – that Portland Trail Blazers outscored Golden State Warriors 35 to 12 in their 129 to 107 win Wednesday night?  Or that not only did Warriors coach Steve Kerr get ejected, he had to be physically held back from getting in worse trouble by Kevin Durant?

From TC  “So Donny (Trump)  has installed a $50,000 Golf Simulator in the White House. It is a large screen that you hit balls at. It is the only screen in the WH that isn’t showing “Fox News” 24/7”

 

GOP in Wisconsin erased Colin Kaepernick from a resolution recognizing Black History Month, saying he’s too controversial to be included in a list of influential black leaders.
Now, Kap is a terribly imperfect messenger.  But let’s be real, if he were alive today the Wisconsin GOP would say the same thing about MLK Jr.

Sri Lanka is bringing back capital punishment And the country is looking for actual hangmen – “male, between the 18 and 45, with “excellent moral character” able to pass a “mind and mental strength” test.
“Excellent moral character?” Well, I guess they can’t ask for experience.

CNN’s Town Hall with Howard Schultz finished third among cable news network last night w/ 1.04 million viewers, behind FOX with 2.47 million and MSNBC’s with 2.21 million. Still, guess this proves you can always get a million people to watch a train wreck.

 

National debt has surpassed $22 trillion. I missed the Trump tweet taking credit.

So who had FEMA head Brock Long in Trump resignation bingo?

Judge just voided Paul Manafort plea deal, saying he ‘intentionally’ lied too FBI, special counsel AND grand jury.
Can’t wait to see the Presidential way Donald Trump will respond to this

GOP Sen. Roy Blunt said Donald Trump will veto a bill to prevent another government shutdown IF it includes back pay for contractors who lost work in first Trump shutdown.
A real man of the people.

Not over til it’s over.

February 12, 2019

Duke came back from 23-points down in  second-half deficit to beat Louisville 71-69.  Are we sure the Blue Devils weren’t playing the Atlanta Falcons?

Javon McKinley, Notre Dame, was charged Monday with three misdemeanors, after punching two campus security officers who found him passed out and were trying to help him to his dorm.
So the real question, is McKinley talented enough that when the Fighting Irish release him, some SEC team will give him a second chance?

A thought for Bryce Harper. He gets booed in a lot of stadiums. If he signs with SFGiants over Phillies at least he won’t get booed at home.

Of course Kareem Hunt has a job while Colin Kaepernick doesn’t. If Ray Rice hadn’t been towards the end of his career some team would have signed him too.

So how mad is Donald Trump going to be that he won’t be able to use a nasty nickname for astronaut and future senator Mark Kelly? Also known as Mr. Gabby Giffords?

A Connecticut woman will survive but suffered serious injuries when during a power outage she mistook a stick of dynamite for a candle and lit it. Your move Florida

 

CNN is giving Howard Schulz a town hall tonight. Because who thought anything bad could happen from giving a narcissistic billionaire, who is also a political neophyte, lots of exposure for ratings?

Now Trump is says he is “thinking about doing on the Fourth of July or thereabouts a parade, a ‘Salute to America’ parade.’It’ll be a, really a gathering as opposed to a parade I guess you’d have to say – perhaps at the Lincoln Memorial, we’re looking at sites.”
You know, a resignation parade or gathering would give Trump the bigliest crowd ever.

Trrump said idea of having a dog seems “phony” to him. And “I wouldn’t mind having one, honestly, but I don’t have any time. How would I look walking a dog on the White House lawn?”
As if any dog would want Trump to walk him or her. And no self-respecting cat would go anywhere near him.

 

So now Trump is offering contributors “Build the Wall, Crime will Fall” bumperstickers.
Well, if we’re going to do poems –

Blaming others for your fall, really takes a lot of gall. while you count your greedy haul,,and act like a neanderthal”

Traveling men

February 12, 2019

NBA says Kevin Durant should have been called for a “discontinued dribble” in Warriors’ final possession before they sunk two free throws to beat Miami Heat 120-118 Monday night.
You mean superstars can’t do anything they want with the ball, ever?

Congrats to Phil Mickelson for winning another tournament at 48 years old.   “Just wait until he gets some real experience” said Jamie Moyer.

Cleveland Browns signed Kareem Hunt today. Well, Baker Mayfield had a least a few months of being part of a feel-good story.

 

Have to assume there is some sort of GPS tracker on Donald Trump’s phone. Would LOVE to have someone leak how often he tweets from the toilet.

Trump claim at rally tonight that Democrats want to let criminals into the US. As opposed to Republicans who want to keep one in the White House?

Give Trump credit, after his El Paso speech tonight, how many people will turn on television to search for a more reality-based show like the Bachelor?

 

Trump debuted a new slogan last night. “Finish the Wall. Anyone who listens to him regularly knows goal should be ” Finish a Complete Sentence.”

Besides Beto O’Rourke rally being bigger Beto’s crowds make you feel good and optimistic about America. Trump crowds make you wonder how we fell so far so fast.

Age and treachery

February 11, 2019

Yesterday at Pebble Beach, play was halted when Paul Casey, 41, said he couldn’t see his putt on 16.   Phil Mickelson, 48, said he “could see just fine.”

So hey, yeah, at some point, everything’s equally blurry.

At time play was halted, Phil Mickelson was leading the tournament by 3 strokes.  Of course, if Phil were Tiger Woods, ESPN would have been breaking into broadcasts hourly for a “special report.”

Report from Alex Palovic “Bruce Bochy said Bumgarner sent him a text after Zaidi said Giants might use openers. “If you use an opener in my game I’m walking right out of the ballpark.””
❤️ Madbum

NY Yankees have reportedly offered Machado a $200 million 7-8 year contract. Makes sense, with a majority of sports fans, NY and Manny are equally beloved.

That moment when you realize not only do you not love some Grammy winning music but also you don’t even know who some of the big winners are.

From Trump fundraising email. “THIS IS AN ORCHESTRATED DEMOCRATIC HIT JOB TO HARASS PRESIDENT TRUMP.”
Seriously does anyone think the Democrats are organized enough to orchestrate anything?

While we’re fretting about Amy Klobuchar’s abilities as a boss, the President of the United States is smashing records for turnover in the White House at all levels.

Meanwhile, it’s clear that Trump’s intimidation tactics are working SO well on Elizabeth Warren. “By the time we get to 2020, Donald Trump may not even be President. In fact he may not even be a free person.”

Candace Owens “Whenever we say ‘nationalism,’ the first thing people think about, at least in America, is Hitler. You know, he was a national socialist, but if Hitler just wanted to make Germany great and have things run well, OK, fine.”
WTAF? Is Owens tired of Virginia Democrats getting all the attention?

Congrats to the National Enquirer. Who knew ANYONE could make Jeff Bezos into a semi-sympathetic figure.

A piece of advice, again, for all guys.  Seriously, save yourselves a lot of potential trouble. It doesn’t matter who you are, women just don’t want to see pictures of your junk.

White House Castle?

February 8, 2019

Tom Brady, who skipped Patriots WH visit when Obama was President, refused to answer a reporter’s question about whether he would go this time. Well if he wants to avoid controversy, Tom can always use excuse he doesn’t eat fast food..

Lakers  general manager Rob Pelinka is comparing his team’s postseason chances to the New England Patriots. “we’re on the outside but we find a way to get in the playoffs with the skill sets we’ve added. And then much like Brady did, we let one of the all-time greats  (James) -take the helm for this team and make some noise.”

With all due respect, for the Lakers it will take more than a Bill Vinovich referee team for them to have a chance at the NBA finals.

Clemson football co-offensive coordinators Tony Elliott and Jeff Scott got $150,000 raises and will now make $1 million annually.
Many professors at Clemson don’t even make $150.000 a year.

My favorite Frank Robinson quote “Be anything you want to be, but don’t be dull.”

Open note to Virginia. Maybe consider electing a woman as Governor next time?

 

Meanwhile, So let me get this straight Donald Trump is attacking Virginia Democrats because of past behaviors that were racist and possibly sexually abusive?   Is he really mad because he thinks they should be Republicans?

So this week we’ve learned two things: One, be careful what pictures you put in a yearbook. Two. it is ALWAYS stupid to send a dick pick.

Georgia GOP Rep. Rob Woodall says he will not seek re-election, citing “political and personal reasons.” So what’s in his yearbook?

Really should have some sympathy for cast of Saturday Night Live.  These days there is no way they can prepare a show, especially cold open, early in week without ripping it up and starting over Friday.

 

Words many of us liberals never expected to say – “Thank heaven for Judge Roberts.”

So while Jeff Bezo is standing up to AMI  National Enquirer extortion, the question remains   -“Who has already paid?”

 

And after this Trump presidency is over wonder who’s going to make big bucks by helping people who were part of this White House scrub their resumes?

How many strikes and you’re out?

February 6, 2019

Meanwhile, in Mississippi, Southern Miss head football coach Jay Hopson is upset the school won’t let him hire Art Briles,fired in 2016 by Baylor following an investigation into their program’s sexual assault scandal, and banned from college football for 3 years.
Wonder what NFL team will interview Briles next.

WR Antonio Brown apparently was in involved in a domestic dispute in January, although he was not arrested. So let’s see, does this make favorites to sign him the 49ers, Cowboys or Redskins?

Applebee’s is promoting Dollar Hurricane’s in their restaurants for Mardi Gras. “Applebee’s Dollar Hurricanes?” Respectfully thinking, hasn’t New Orleans suffered enough already with that Saints blown call?

I’m a Saints fan, not Pelicans fan, but apparently Anthony Davis trade to Lakers won’t work supposed because New Orleans is being “outrageous” in their demands. Can’t imagine why the city would have it in for Los Angeles.

 

Los Angeles Lakers lost last night to Indiana Pacers 136-94. Guessing they can’t wait for Lebron James to get back. Oh, wait, never mind.

Meanwhile, what was a bigger shock tonight, that Spurs lost to Warriors tonight 141 to 102, or that with Pop resting DeRozan AND Aldridge, that San Antonio was only down 3 points late in the 3rd quarter.

Since last SOTU eight of Trump’s Cabinet secretaries, plus AG Jeff Sessions, have either resigned or been fired. Such a well-oiled machine.

 

Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam is struggling to keep his job. Lt Gov. Justin Fairfax is denying a sexual assault allegation, now AG Mark Herring, 3rd in line, says he also wore blackface too, in 1980.
Your move, Florida.

Once again, as Trump lies about caring about women and our safety, absolute crickets about Natalie Corona, 23, the police officer daughter of a Mexican immigrant, brutally ambushed and murdered by a white man.

Now Trump via WhiteHouse.gov on Twitter says that a wall had reduced crime in Tuscon (sic) over 90%.
Well, TUCSON  is at least closer to the border (60 miles from Nogales) than San Antonio.

Dee Margo, mayor of El Paso, is calling Donald Trump a liar over his false statement that a wall drastically reduced the city’s crime.
Your reminder that Margo is a REPUBLICAN.

Donald Trump in SOTU talked about fighting childhood cancer. At the same time his administration eliminates environmental and other regulations – which will result in more children, and adults, getting cancer.

Also in SOTU “It’s not right to have nominations stuck in the Senate”. What does Justice Merrick Garland think.

 

 

So how long until Trump tweets he doesn’t know Paul Erickson?