Archive for January 2010

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Too gay for the NFL?

January 31, 2010

So for the Super Bowl, CBS has okayed an anti-abortion ad featuring Tim Tebow, and rejected a gay dating ad. Hmm, maybe “Mancrunch” should have had the ad say “Reduce potential abortions, encourage more gay dating!”

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But let’s see, NFL players are athletic-looking guys, often with elaborate hairstyles, who dress in tight spandex uniforms. Then they grab at each other, hug after great plays and dance on a regular basis. Yeah, can’t see why the league thinks they would have any gay viewers.

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Once again, you can’t make this stuff up. In the “they just don’t get it” department”, Nike has an ad inside the front cover of ESPN the magazine, and Sports Illustrated featuring Kobe Bryant and Lebron James in a campaign titled “Prepare for combat.”

And in the ad Kobe says, “I’ll do whatever it takes…. I don’t leave anything in the chamber.”

So what’s next, an ad campaign talking about the NBA’s high caliber players.

Or describing someone’s play as “semi-automatic?”

Maybe this is all some karmic revenge for the league’s getting rid of the name “Washington Bullets.”

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The Stanford men’s basketball team has yet to win a game away from Maples this year. And they had only one such win last season. This team might perform worse on the road than Willy Loman.

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In women’s basketball, the second ranked Stanford women have been trailing at halftime in both their last games, but then have come from behind to win handily. Some wonder what coach Tara VanDeveer has said to the women at halftime. Might be as simple as “You’re playing like men.”
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John Edwards apparently claimed to his then-friend Andrew Young that Rielle Hunter had told him she couldn’t get pregnant. Okay, that’s it, forget the morals. The man is too stupid to be president.

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Johnny we hardly knew ye – and we liked you better then too…

January 30, 2010

Should we be that that surprised that John Edwards fathered an illegitimate child? He was late in deciding to pull out of Iraq too.

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It just keeps on coming, now there’s a sex tape featuring John Edwards. And here some people thought Barack Obama made a potentially embarrasing choice for V.P. by picking Joe Biden.

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The New York Yankees are taking the World Series trophy on a tour of Asia. Come on, is this really necessary? Millions of people living right here in America have never actually seen that trophy. They’re called Cubs fans.

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Kurt Warner retired today after a amazing career where he took both the Rams and Cardinals to the Super Bowl. But before that, the 38 year old quarterback played in the Arena Football League, NFL Europe, and even had a stint working in a grocery store.

If he makes it to the Hall of Fame Warner will have a couple tough decisions. St. Louis or Arizona? Paper or plastic?

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For the second time in six months, John Daly has announced he is done with golf. He says he will, however, make an exception for the A T and T Pro-Am, with his partner Brett Favre.

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Samantha Harris is leaving “Dancing with the Stars.” This news disappointed millions of women and about two men.

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While baseball struggles with asterisks and the steroid issue, the NBA has its own problems. For example, should there be an asterisk for any wins this year against the New Jersey Nets.

(for non-NBA fans, the Nets are 4-41. No, that is not a typo.)

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You have to wonder why they call them the “Nets.” Because clearly the team isn’t very good at finding them.

From Alex Kaseberg:

With New Orleans winning 31- 28 over the Minnesota Vikings, the Superdome was a site of joy, celebration and excitement. Less than five years ago after Hurricane Katrina, however, the Superdome was a site of despair, anguish and misery. Or as Chicago Cubs fans call that: Wrigley Field.

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talking about steve.

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The Nets, Wizards, and other jokes…

January 29, 2010

The Washington Wizards say they want to move forward after the suspensions of Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton. Hello, the team is 14-30. Forward’s about the only direction they can go.

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Any further backwards and they’d be the Washington Generals.

(note, if that last joke was to archaic, the Generals are the perennial rivals to the Harlem Globetrotters.)

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The Nets, 4-40 (no, that’s not a misprint), now take on the Washington Wizards, 14-30, on Friday night. “May the best team win” somehow doesn’t seem like an appropriate comment.

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Even for hardcore Republicans, Barack Obama’s State of the Union did not contain the most unbelievable moment on television Wednesday night; that would have been when they switched to Sportcenter and saw that the New Jersey Nets actually won.

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For serious fans of professional NBA basketball, watching the Nets-Wizards game has to be as appealing as it would be for conservatives to watch a Nancy Pelosi-Hillary Clinton debate…

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John Mayer now says he has masturbated his way out of problems. Yeah, except for “No officer, I wasn’t texting/drinking/using a cellphone while I was driving, I was…oh never mind…give me the ticket…”

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So when is Apple going to start giving out free pink cases for the iPad so you can carry it discreetly in your purse or briefcase?

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NBC is ending the Jay Leno show a few days earlier than planned before the Winter Olympics. Apparently they want to fill the slot with programming that will get higher ratings – like NHL hockey.

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The media is reporting that Tiger Woods is in a sex rehab camp. A camp? Do they go around chanting “Two, four, six, eight, we don’t need to fornicate?

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And from Bill Littlejohn: Reportedly Elin Woods was a guest of the Favres in the past week.No wonder she can’t make up her mind whether to leave Tiger or not”

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Millions of dollars and no women in the focus group?

January 28, 2010

I’m not the only woman to have thought of something like this, but wouldn’t you think millions (or billions) in development at Apple might have resulted in a name that doesn’t sound like a feminine hygiene product.

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The iPad only stores 64GB of data. For days that you need more power will Apple come up wth the iMaxipad?

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And where is the large screen version for seniors – “iDepends?”

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And will a version targeted to men be known as iFlomax?

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With Kentucky’s loss Tuesday, college basketball will have a new top-ranked team for the fourth time this month. These “number ones” are proving to be as durable as Tiger Woods’ marriage vows.

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Greg Oden will probably be hearing for a long time about his nude pictures that have ended up on the internet. But who knew that Oden’s plans after the NBA included running for the Massachusetts senate?

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NBA commissioner David Stern met with Gilbert Arenas on Wednesday, and suspended the Wizard guard for the remainder of the season. It probably didn’t help that Arenas asked that it be scheduled at “high noon at the Ok Corral.”

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I just don’t think Gilbert Arenas gets it. After he and teammate Javaris Crittenton were suspended for the remainder of the season for their guns in the locker room, he volunteered to host a fundraiser for Haiti. His idea? An All-Star shoot-around.

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The following line inspired by a setup from Max Worthington,

“Erectile dysfunction can be a blessing.”

I’ll bet now John Edwards wishes he had had it.

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Former President George W. Bush called President Obama to give him tips on his first “State of the Union.” For starters Bush said “the speech is misnamed- there are 50 of them.”

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Toyota has stopped selling eight of their most popular models while they fix a problem with the gas pedal. So finally a month that American car sales may catch up with imports.

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No deadline.

January 27, 2010

Minnesota coach Brad Childress said he would “not impose a deadline” on Brett Favre to make a decision about next season. Instead he will focus on his more realistic offseason project – cat herding.

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According to a Halifax newspaper, a Canadian couple are such Toronto hockey fanatics that they will wear Maple Leafs jerseys when they get married Jan. 30. Apparently they wanted to wait until the Leafs were formally eliminated from the playoffs.

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Greg Oden is the latest NBA player facing embarrassment after nude pictures he took for a girlfriend surfaced on the internet. On the other hand, at least the Trailblazers have to be happy that the answer to the question definitely wasn’t that it was a gun in his pocket.

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No word on the rumor that Greg Oden and Gilbert Arenas will be teaming up to star in a movie sequel of “Naked Gun.”

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A scientist speaking at London’s Royal Society says that while we have been looking for extraterrestials, alien life may already be here on earth. If true, my money’s on Keith Richards.

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After the world champion Lakers visited the White House Monday, Kobe Bryant returned for a private meeting with Barack Obama Tuesday. Apparently the President wanted to talk to someone who knows how it feels to never pass anything.

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The countdown begins…

January 26, 2010

So the League Championship games are over and the interminable hype begins. Two whole weeks for the Super Bowl, and about thirty-two weeks until Brett Favre decides whether or not he will play next season.
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After the Saints 31-28 win, there’s been more complaining about the NFL’s overtime rule. And it’s true, Brett Favre didn’t even get a chance in overtime to throw another interception.

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Headline from Seattle Times: “Brett Favre’s Future a Big Question Mark in Minnesota.”

In related news, it rains sometimes in Seattle.

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The NFL conference championship games last weekend drew the highest television viewership since 1982. Partly this was because the Jets-Colts and Saints-Vikings were compelling matchups. Partly it’s because many Americans now couldn’t afford to do anything else.

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Washington guard Javaris Crittenton pled guilty to a misdemeanor gun charge stemming from his dispute with teammate Gilbert Arenas., and was put on probation. The Wizards may not make the playoffs, but they’re definitely in the running for best shooting team of the year.

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Apparently Tom Brady won’t need surgery on his finger, so he won’t miss any of next year recovering. Which is mostly good news, on the other hand, if he missed much of the 2010 season he could win another “Comeback Player of the Year” award.

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Much media hype about “Avatar” having now passed 1997’s “Titanic” in gross box box office receipts. Not that the movie hasn’t rung up impressive sales. But the average movie ticket price in 1997? About $4.59.

(source- Wikipedia.)

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Commie pinko alert:

Apparently CBS is planning to air an anti-abortion commercial during the Super Bowl featuring Tim Tebow and his mother. If Tebow really wanted to be “pro-life” maybe he should have considered doing a commercial telling all his fellow athletes to pay their child support?

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Are you ready for two weeks without football…

January 25, 2010

…but of course, two weeks of hype. Starting tonight.

This year the Pro Bowl will be played the weekend between the league championship games and the Super Bowl. But if you are seriously excited about watching the Pro Bowl, it might be a serious sign that you need to get a life.

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Matt Stover, the Colts placekicker, will turn 42 on Wednesday and will be the oldest player ever in the Super Bowl. He did say later that while he looks forward to playing against the Saints, he is sorry he won’t get to face that nice young man, Brett Favre.

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Garrett Hartley, the Saints placekicker, was suspended earlier this year for taking Adderall, a banned stimulant used to treat ADD/ADHD. Apparently he is clean now. when asked about the medication in a post game news conference, Hartley’s response was “Oh, look, a puppy.”

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In general, I have a hard time believing that God cares much about sporting events. On the other hand, maybe we can’t rule out that He likes to reward bipartisan politicians. The only congressperson from either party who crossed party lines to vote for health care – Joseph Cao – from New Orleans.

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A recent poll gave California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger a 27 percent approval rating. And most people figured he couldn’t go any lower than “Jingle all the Way.”

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Watching these Pepsi “throwback” ads, where they are temporarily making the soft drink with “real sugar.” Doesn’t exactly give you a warm fuzzy feeling about whatever they are normally using now.

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And the real anticipation has begun – for the Super Bowl ads. Apparently Boost Mobile, a cellphone company, will air a 30-second spot that will reunite the 1985 Chicago Bears. Says Bill Littlejohn, in the video, “the former Bears will perform a music video called Super Bowl Shuffleboard.’’

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Just when you thought….

January 24, 2010

That it might be a slow week for comedy now that the on-air Jay Leno-Conan O’Brien feud is at least temporarily over… Here comes the news that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have broken up.

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Another Wikpedia mistake discovered. The current entry for the Nets starts out:

“The New Jersey Nets are a professional basketball team.”

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Sources say the Raiders will retain coach Tom Cable. Translation – they couldn’t find anyone else crazy enough to take the job.

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Meg Whitman is spending at least $39 million of her own money to run for Governor of California, NBC is spending about $45 million to get rid of Conan. ALMOST makes the San Francisco Giants’ paying Barry Zito $126 million for 7 years look reasonable.

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For Conan O’Brien’s last Tonight show, he took the high road. The result was a program that was relatively subdued, but often both gracious and touching. Many viewers, however, were disappointed. Well, duh, do we watch the Indianapolis 500 to see the most skillful, controlled drivers, or do we guiltily look forward to the spectacular wrecks?

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Parents in a Southern California school district wants to ban the Marriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary because a child noticed the word(s) “oral sex.”

So much for social studies students in that district ever doing projects on the impeachment of Bill Clinton and the Starr report.

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And this one will be out of date one way or another in about 12 hours, but what the heck….

In tragedy, the heroes must fail in the end, and they must fail for a reason at least partly of their own doing – the fatal flaw – which usually involves hubris. Like deciding you can let a vanquished victim live to fight another day because you don’t care enough to finish him off. Translation, Shakespeare would be rooting for the Jets.

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Conan, we hardly knew ye…

January 23, 2010

One of the highlights of the last Tonight Show with Conan O’Obrien was a snippet of a segment titled “Puppies dressed as cats.” Which was simply, puppies dressed in cat costumes. Apparently there was consideration of a similar segment, “Cats dressed as puppies,” but it resulted in too many injuries during rehearsal.

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You can’t read entertainment news online anywhere these days without seeing something about Conan, Jay and the Tonight Show. Except NBC.com (Seriously, it’s as if neither show exists.)

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In some ways you really have to hand it to NBC. After all, they had the most successful show at 1130p with a likeable Jay Leno, and a pretty good thing going late night with Conan O’Brien. And in a pretty short time they have managed to turn Jay into a bad guy and send Conan out the door, probably to Fox in seven months. Even by Congressional standards, it’s a world class FUBAR’ed situation.

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Only in California. In the Republican primary for the Governor’s race, Steve Poizner, who has given $19 million to his own campaign, has accused Meg Whitman, who has given $39 million to HER own campaign, of trying to buy the election.

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A top prospect in the Oakland As organization, Grant Desme, has left baseball to join the priesthood. Which is surprising, normally the only people who give up on baseball for a life of prayer are Cubs fans.

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A new study shows that parents of children have lower blood pressure than childless parents. Presumably this result was obtained without counting the parents of teenagers.

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The Supreme Court decision removing previous restrictions on corporate speech rests on the construct of “corporate personhood.” We thought the issue with gays was contentious. So how long until activists call to legalize “corporate marriage?”

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Another thought about this construct of “corporate personhood.” Does this mean the Supreme Court may also rule someday that future mergers must be between a male corporation and a female corporation.

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A United Airlines plane bound for San Francisco had to return to Dulles for an emergency landing 10 minutes after takeoff when a large bird was sucked into one of their engines. Passengers were unharmed but many are demanding credit for the extra 40 frequent flier miles.

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A tacky but funny joke from Jerry Perisho, with my own tacky followup.

Yet another heavy rain day – LA is getting spanked again. Usually, 5 days in a row involves a dominatrix and a “safe word”

Actually what several days of spanking in row in Los Angeles usually means – the Dodgers are in the playoffs.

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An Alaska man was sentenced to a day in jail and a year’s probation for throwing a taco at a Taco Bell manager. During his probation he is not allowed to visit any Taco Bells. Had the judge really wanted to throw the book at him, he would have been sentenced to eat there daily.

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Father’s Day?

January 22, 2010

John Edwards has admitted he is the father of Rielle Hunter’s baby. So while he was talking about “Two Americas,” who knew he was having children in both of them?

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Now that Edwards has admitted paternity of his mistress’s child, one question comes to mind: How long before potential Tiger cubs surface?

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Shaquille O’Neal wants to save the NBA’s All-Star dunk contest by making it a benefit with superstars for Haiti. Yo, Shaq, really want to get some donations. Get pledges based on how long it would take you to hit a certain number free throws in a row. (And then learn to shoot them.)

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More thoughts about Tiger. When does a man realize he’s a sex addict? When he gets caught.

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John Edwards says he wants to give his new acknowledged daughter the “love and attention” she deserves. Which if you’ve seen her baby pictures should be easy….she’s the next closest thing to John looking in a mirror.

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Ferguson Jenkins says Mark McGwire owes an apology to “all the pitchers he faced while juiced.” While I’m not a steroids fan, does that mean that Roger Clemens et al also owe an apology to all the batters THEY faced while juiced? .

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In California, Republican gubernatorial candidate Steve Poizner has “lent” $19 million to his campaign, while Meg Whitman has “lent” her campaign $39 million. And both of them say they should be elected governor so they can cut down on state spending.

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John McCain’s wife Cindy has come out in favor of gay marriage. Conservatives are not thrilled. On the other hand, they are relieved to hear a Republican “coming out” story that has nothing to do with airport bathrooms.

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The Mourning after….

January 21, 2010

Who knew, the “Hangover” could turn out to be a Democratic documentary for the day after the Massachusetts special election?

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At one point in her Senate campaign, Martha Coakley referred to Red Sox World Series hero Curt Schilling as a “Yankees fan.” In retrospect, that may have been when many voters in effect told her to “put a bloody sock in it.”
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At least Coakley wasn’t asked about Bobby Orr. She might have made some comment about rowing.

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John McCain’s wife Cindy has decided to come out against Proposition 8, the anti-gay marriage initiative in California. In a new ad, Cindy is wearing duct tape across her mouth. Just think of what could have happened had her husband’s campaign tried that strategy with Sarah Palin.
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Tiger Woods now apparently says he’s a “sex addict.” So what’s the difference between a sex addict and most men? Means and opportunity.

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Gavin Newsom gave an interview to Maureen Dowd of the New York Times saying he planned to leave politics in 2012. Later, he called the reporter to say he was “just kidding.” Who knows with the mercurial San Francisco mayor? Maybe he’ll end up playing quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings.

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Now it turns out that besides having a mediocre record at Tennessee and leaving after only a year, Lane Kiffin also wrecked the Lexus loaned to him by the university. Guess this assures that Coach Kiffin will go down in Volunteer history as “Rocky Flop.”

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No NHL team with at least seven players chosen to various Olympic teams has ever won the Stanley Cup. The Sharks have eight players going to Vancouver this year. Well, I guess that streak is safe.

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Four of the Sharks are playing for Canada. If Canada wins the gold, San Jose may ask that the NHL playoffs next year be moved up to February.

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Massachusetts and beyond…

January 20, 2010

Michael Dukakis, John Kerry, Martha Coakley…. Who knew Massachusetts was an old Indian word for “crappy Democratic candidates?”

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Some thought Coakley seemed complacent and arrogant. Apparently she might even be a closet supporter of Bill Belichick.

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True story, a client asked in our California office today about getting a passport for her child to go to Hawaii. The scariest thought, people like this can actually vote.

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Breaking news. Although Benji Molina was sure he had better offers, the veteran catchers ended up returning to the SF Giants for 2010 on a one-year contract at a reduced salary. Apparently those offers didn’t turn out to be as good as he thought. And one reputedly included some duties at 10pm on NBC.

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The San Francisco Giants are offering Lincecum $8 million a year in arbitration. The two-time Cy Young winner is asking for $13 million. San Francisco, however, can point out that perhaps it’s not the first time Tim is a little high.

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Conan O’Brien is reportedly close to an agreement with NBC that would allow him to keep the rights to his creations like “Triumph the Insult Comic Dog”, in exchange for a promise not to disparage the network. With all due respect, how can any comic make NBC look worse than they do themselves?

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Back to politics…have to wonder, with all the Democrats in Massachusetts, how did they come up with a candidate as weak as Martha Coakley? Do the state party leaders moonlight in the programming department of NBC?

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If the Republicans now plan to stall health care reform, however, Barack Obama does have a plan to end the filibuster. He’s going to show it every night on NBC at 10pm.

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Monday mourning quarterbacking…

January 19, 2010

Short post today due to computer performing about as well as the Cowboys’ offense last weekend.

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The Vikings absolutely took apart the Cowboys on Sunday. But to be fair, Brett has had years to learn how to beat Texans. He remembers the Alamo.

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And Favre says this is the best team he has ever been associated with, and the most fun he has had. No, he’s not dissing his former teams. He just can’t remember them.

Sarah Palin will be a VIP honored guest at the Daytona 500. And she plans to wave the checkered flag for the real winner after 250 miles.

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Maria Sharapova wore a much criticized dress that made her resemble a peacock in the Australian Open. And she was ousted in the first round. Maybe it’s not a good idea these days to appear dressed as the NBC mascot.

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Phil Kessel had the Maple Leafs’ team-leading, third winning goal against the Nashville Predators Monday night. Of course, many fans are thinking ‘Isn’t that the Leafs’ sum total of game winning goals?

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Okay, what were the odds- the New York Jets have won more games in January than the New Jersey Nets.

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Are you ready for a week without football…?

January 17, 2010

Or in the cases of San Diego, Dallas, Baltimore and Arizona, make that several months….

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San Diego’s all-pro kicker Nate Kaeding missed three crucial field goals in the Chargers’ 17-14 loss to the New York Jets. He may have lost his NFL job but with that many high-profile misses he may be offered the position of programming director at NBC.

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Rough day for Cowboys fans. And where was Jessica Simpson to blame when they needed her?

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Sad irony with the Indianapolis victory over the Ravens for die-hard Baltimore fans. It’s not just losing their team to another city in the middle of the night, it’s that the team that left, the Colts, just knocked out their replacement.

Sort of how “Late Night with Conan OBrien” fans feel.

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Are we sure NBC wasn’t somehow involved?

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The Saints-Vikings game is scheduled for 640p Eastern time next Sunday. How did they come up with 640p? Apparently it’s when Brett Favre says he will be done with his early bird special.

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For next week the over-under for the Saints-Vikings is 52. Many fans who saw the Saints-Cowboys have to be asking – for the first half?

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And the Saints are currently four point favorites. Of course this could change. There’s a whole week ahead, plenty of time for Brett Favre to consider retirement.

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NBC’s Olympic commercials feature a young woman athlete saying of the Games – “It’s the one pure thing that nothing can affect.” Well, except a French judge. Or maybe being shown at 1000p weeknights.

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Or as my very talented friend Neil Berliner adds, “or Tonya Harding with a crowbar.”

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Back to politics. More of a rant than a joke:

With alll the effort the Democrats having to put into trying to keep Ted Kennedy’s seat you think the Massachusetts state party could have spent a little more time and effort in candidate recruitment, or in talking Vicki into just running to finish out Ted’s term???

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A few thoughts halfway through a playoff weekend.

January 16, 2010

Being the punter for the New Orleans Saints today was like being the fact checker on Sarah Palin’s speechwriting staff.

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With the lousy performances by both the Ravens and the Cardinals, this was the worst day for bird fans since US Airways hit all those geese.

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Cincinnati Bengals coach Marvin Lewis was named coach of the year. Unfortunately as Bengals fans found out last week, it’s no longer 2009.

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Bristol Palin said in “In Touch” magazine that she considers herself “a born-again virgin.” What’s next, Tiger Woods and John Edwards retaking their marriage vows?
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The Stanford men’s basketball team lost 77-73 to Washington State, despite outscoring the Cougars 47-31 in the second half. Stanford’s Jeremy Green said afterwards “At halftime, coach really got to us; his speech, he really got into it.”

Perhaps next time Coach Dawkins should give that speech before the first half.

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Tiger Woods has apparently entered a rehab clinic for sex addiction. The clinic’s motto? “Just don’t do it.”

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Apparently many people believe that sex addiction would explain Tiger Woods’ reckless behavior with so many women. Of course, that behavior could also be explained by the fact that he’s a rich successful male athlete used to getting anything he wants.

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Slouching towards Saturday…

January 15, 2010

The New Orleans Saints, known for their high-powered offense, and slightly less high-powered defense, will play the Arizona Cardinals Saturday afternoon. The Cardinals beat the Green Bay Packers 51-45 in what was basically an Arena football style game (with no defense) last week. Stay tuned for the first NFL playoff game where the over-under might be triple digits.

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Heisman runner-up Toby Gerhart has decided he wants to get paid for playing football, and so will forgo his last year of eligibility at Stanford and enter the NFL draft. It was either that or transfer to USC.

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Sources say that whatever happens with his plea bargain, there are “irreconcilable differences” between Gilbert Arenas and the Washington Wizards. Arenas for his part says he took his best shot at it.
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Silly thought for a Friday. Heidi Montag has admitted to having 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day, so that she can feel “comfortable as a woman as a person.” Stay tuned for her next interview, when she will claim “no one appreciates the real me.”

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You have to hand it to NBC. They were losing at both the 10pm and 1135p time shots for comedy. So they basically decided to come up with their own material.

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No one is really happy with the mess at NBC. Okay, maybe except for Dave Letterman, and of course Tiger Woods.

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At this point, rumors are that there is a deal for Conan O’Brien to leave NBC, and presumably the best solution for the network is to keep him off the air. But if so, with a $80 million contract, at worst Conan stands to be the highest paid “American Idle.”

According to McCain advisor Steve Schmidt, Sarah Palin didn’t really understand why there was a North and South Korea. Which is unfortunate, because if she had, they wanted her to explain it to President Bush.

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Monday at the Oracle Arena in Oakland, the Harlem Globetrotters will take on their perennial opponents, the Washington Generals. Oddsmakers give the Generals a slightly better chance of winning than next Saturday’s Warriors opponents – the New Jersey Nets.

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More weaving in and out of a Lane…

January 15, 2010

So while Lane Kiffin’s dad, Monte, is much respected around the NFL, Lane himself has had a series of short term jobs with results that have been mediocre at best. Yet he keeps finding new high profile positions. This is scary, could it be a long range plan to have Kiffin end up as U.S. President?

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Since he bolted for USC after one scandal-plagued, expensive, mediocre year, Tennessee fans and students are referring to Lane Kiffin as a “whore.” Not true, whores generally provide value for money.

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UCLA offensive coordinator Norm Chow has said he is happy with the Bruins and will not join Lane Kiffin’s staff at USC. Translation, he might as well wait a year until the top Trojan job becomes available when Kiffin leaves to go somewhere else.

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Kiffin himself said of his leaving Tennessee to take the job with USC – “I really believe this is the only place I would have left to go.” If he keeps up with the results he has had in the last three jobs, there may not be ANY place he has left to go.

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Ben Burnett suggests that with his record, the logical place for Kiffin to end up is…Oakland, in a few years Al Davis will have forgotten who he is anyway.

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Gilbert Arenas has been charged with a felony for carrying an unlicensed gun. Prosecutors decided on this charge because there is no law for felony stupidity.

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The New York Mets are reportedly angry at Carlos Beltran for having knee surgery this week without getting a second opinion from their team doctors. The Mets wanted Beltran to consider waiting until the season was over, as in September.

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Carly Fiorina called Barbara Boxer a “failed senator.” Well, if anyone knows about failure it’s the woman who was fired both from Hewlett Packard AND John McCain’s presidential campaign.
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commie pinko time.

Open question to all Republicans who want Harry Reid to resign over his comments on Obama’s skin color and dialect – Who’s going to be the first to decry Rush Limbaugh’s comments that President Obama will use the crisis in Haiti to “boost his credibility with the black community?”

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A good week for idiots.

January 14, 2010

Pat Robertson has said that the horrific earthquake in Port au Prince is somehow the result of past misdeeds of the Haitian people. Which leads to a question – what misdeeds did the American people do in the past that we ended up with Pat Robertson?

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Goose Goosage said that PED users should not be allowed in the Baseball Hall of Fame, because it’s all about “integrity.” Right, players like Ty Cobb and Gaylord Perry.

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At least Gaylord Perry isn’t making a speech about integrity.

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-warning, bad pun alert –
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Tennessee Volunteers fans are furious at their now former football coach Lane Kiffin, who bolted for USC after only a year. Some are hoping the university can prove he violated his contract, which means he could be charged with an “illegal Lane change.”

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A joke from the very funny Jim Barach, with a followup effort of my own.

NBC says it will lose money broadcasting the Winter Olympics. But the network feels at home with winter sports, because they are proving that nobody is faster at going downhill.

Of course, they can always tape delay coverage and put it in the 10p slot.

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Tennessee Titans’ running back Chris Johnson won the NFL’s Offensive Player of the Year. As opposed to the Oakland Raiders JaMarcus Russell, whose play was ranked the NFL’s Most Offensive.

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Sephora is advertising free samples of Kim Kardashian’s “Eau de Toilette.” Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to call it “Eau de Toilet?”

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Alexandre Burrows of the Vancouver Canucks claimed that referee Stephane Auger called penalties on him as payback for being “shown up” in a previous game. The NHL investigated and found the accusations to be unfounded. But Burrows did get a call from Al Davis asking if he’d considered a post-hockey job in the Raiders organization.

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Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes…

January 13, 2010

This just in: Conan O’Brien changed his Facebook status from “In a relationship with NBC” to “It’s complicated.”

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Let’s see, Mark McGwire “comes clean” about steroids, but says he didn’t use them to help hit home runs and adds that Jose Canseco is lying about them injecting each other. Well, okay, admittedly Canseco is a scumbag, but if we are comparing records on the honesty scale.

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Isn’t Mark McGwire now calling Jose Canseco a liar like John Edwards calling Tiger Woods a bad husband?

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Matt Lauer asked Senator John McCain “if the vetting of Sarah Palin was so woefully inadequate that no one from the campaign traveled to Alaska to interview her husband or any of her political opponents? “I wouldn’t know,” McCain replied. Yes, and isn’t that the point exactly.

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Former Illinois Govenor Rod Blagojevich said he was “blacker than Barack Obama.” Now, there is no chance Blago is blacker than Obama. But he is certifiably dumber than a post.

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Another one bites the dust. At a time when no candidate has really caught fire, or come up with any really serious and practical new ideas, Tom Campbell is dropping out of the race to be the next Governor of California. This isn’t a gubernatorial race, it’s “last comic standing.”

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Tom Campbell is dropping out of the Republican gubernatorial primary, leaving the contest to multi-millionaires Meg Whitman and Steve Poizner, who have already spent almost $20 million between them. If Whitman and Poizner really want to help California, what about donating the rest of their campaign budget to the state, and flipping a coin to decide a winner?

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Lane Kiffin has left the University of Tennessee after barely a year and will now coach at USC. It’s all about ambition – guess he wanted to be on probation at a higher-profile school.

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In his short tenure at Tennessee, Kiffin was cited for several minor NCAA violations, three players were arrested, and the football program was accused of more serious recruiting violations involving scantily clad coeds. With that much mess in such a short time – if this USC gig doesn’t work out Kiffin could be offered a job in the programming department of NBC.

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And today’s final word back at NBC, Conan O’Brien has rejected the network’s offer of a 1205a show. Well, the 10 pm slot is vacant….

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A home run king took steroids? I’m shocked, shocked…

January 12, 2010

Breaking news: Mark McGwire admitted in a apologetic statement today that he had indeed used steroids. “I’m really shocked” said absolutely nobody.
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Mark McGwire confessed to steroid use today, then immediately started qualifying his apology. Yo, Mark, you had us at “I’m Sorry.”

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McGwire stated the steroid use was for injuries, but it did not help him hit home runs. I think I like “didnt inhale” better.

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When will they ever learn? Seriously, had McGwire just made a simple apology and been done with it, he would have come out sounding a lot better. Even Governor Sanford was heard to comment, “Mark, less is more.”

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Not saying that Conan O’Brien is bitter, but allegedly one of his shows later this week will be subtitled “Clinging to guns and religion.”

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Simon Cowell has announced he will be leaving American Idol after this season. Apparently he wants to spend more time with his mirror.

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Regarding the Conan-Leno drama, some think Conan should jump to Fox. But Fox just signed Sarah Palin. Who might be a good choice for a late night talk show herself. Half the audience would consider it news, and the other half would consider one of the funniest things on television.

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If Conan decides to quit NBC and get out of the late night business altogether, he would receive an $80 million payout, but he’d have to give up on having a regular television audience to watch him tell jokes. So basically he’d be in the same position Leno is in now.

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On “The Bachelor” tonight, a contestant named Rozlyn was sent home for having a physical relationship with a producer on the show. Let’s see, you’re living in a house where cameras are running nonstop, and you’re competing with 20 something other women to win a guy, and you think you are going to get away with a “secret affair” while this is going on? Not only is she off “Bachelor”, but Rozlyn has also just proved herself ineligible for “Are you Smarter than a Fifth Grader?”

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