Archive for September 2009

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page
« Older Entries

Referees and rogues.

September 30, 2009

The NBA plans to open the preseason tomorrow with replacement referees. The players are appalled, what if the inexperienced refs do something drastically different – like call travelling.

–
The newest college football bowl game, starting in 2010, will be the Yankee Bowl, at Yankee Stadium. Fans interested in tickets are encouraged to start taking out loans now.

–
The Yankee Bowl will be the 35th in the Football Bowl Subvision (aka D1), which means that 70 out of 120 Division 1 teams will see post season action. Who does the NCAA think they are – the NBA?

–

The Yankee Bowl may also have a parade. If so, a front-runner for the grandmarshall’s job has to be Alex Rodriguez. Since the grand marshall’s role is generally the same as A-Rod’s in the postseason – doing absolutely nothing.

–
The tabloids are full of the rumors that Khloe Karadashian’s wedding to Lamar Odom may have been a fake. When asked, 20 percent of Americans said they believed it was real, 20 percent said it was a sham, and 60 percent said “Who the heck is Khloe Kardashian?”

–
Sarah Palin finished writing her book – “Going Rogue” -ahead of schedule, and it will be released November 17. Not to be outdone, Joe Biden is working on his own book. And he is almost finished with page 300. Of the first chapter.

–
Sarah Palin’s book, before publication, is already number one on Amazon.com’s list. In fact, the book is selling so well that the Kennedy family is thinking of subtitling Ted’s posthumous memoir “Going Brogue.”

–

Sarah Palin’s book is already number one on Amazon.com’s sales list. Of course, many of these books are no doubt being purchased as giveaways to be used for political propaganda. By the Democrats.

–
Palin’s part of the book is finished, now apparently the publisher is rushing to do the final editing, including fact checking. Why start now?

–

University of New Mexico administrators are investigating a fight where football coach Mike Locksley allegedly struck an assistant. The coach could be suspended or fined. Or worse yet, he could be sentenced to coach the Oakland Raiders.

–
A study at the University of Chicago says that playing sports makes people smarter. Of course, the number one sport at the University of Chicago? Chess.

–
A study at the University of Chicago says that playing sports makes people smarter. And if there’s any University where they should really know sports….. oh, never mind.

–
Great comment from Alex Kaseberg. “Wow, can you imagine where Michael Vick would be if he hadn’t played football.”

–
A recent study showed a higher incidence of dementia among men who played NFL football. Presumably one of the first clues was “signing with the Oakland Raiders.”

–

Out of the mouths of idiots? On the new Jay Leno show during the “Battle of the Jaywalk All Stars, Leno asked “Who elects the president?” One gal answered “Florida.”

Commie pinko alert:

Ted Kennedy would be appalled at all of this bad behavior, but really, what’s the difference between “die quickly” and “death panels?

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Top ten reasons Meg Whitman didn’t vote in the past.

September 29, 2009

California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman has admitted to at best infrequent voting in the past. In fact, she didn’t register as a Republican until 2007. According to the Sacramento Bee, who reviewed her voting record, she not only didn’t regularly vote in six states, she didn’t even register in most of them.

Her most recent excuse, after pointing out that Sonny Bono didn’t vote regularly before he was elected, is that she was busy with her career, her husband’s career, and her family.

Just for the heck of it, here’s ten more possible reasons:

(And before anyone puts this down to commie pinko tendencies….you haven’t read my Gavin Newsom and Jerry Brown jokes.)

10. The dog ate my absentee ballot.

9. Moved so often I forget what state I was in.

8. Election day fell on the same day the Ebay auction closed for Governor Sarah Palin’s jet.

7. Same as Steve Martin with his taxes – “I FORGOT.”

6. Too involved with business classes in school to have read about the 19th amendment.

5. Voting? Wasn’t that covered under leaving Ebay feedback?

4. Too busy working on perfecting my Sonny Bono lookalike haircut.

3. As Ebay’s Supreme Ruler didn’t have time for a meaningless democracy (contributed by Jerry Perisho)

2. Wanted to appeal to all those other Californians who never vote in elections. Oops.

And of course the true number one reason:

1. Never thought I would run for Governor.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

NFL and other follies.

September 29, 2009

A good thing for Tony Romo finally had a decent game, at this point Cowboys fans were about to blame him for distracting Jessica Simpson.

–

Jets coach Rex Ryan benched wide receiver David Clowney for week three after his twitter gripes about playing time after week two. Said Ryan “If I feel a guy is not putting the team first,” Ryan said, “I’ll make that decision to put the guy down.” I think we can safely knock the Jets off the list for the next stop on T.O.s NFL tour.

–
The Detroit Lions finally won a game on Sunday, so the 1976-77 Tampa Bay Bucs’ 26 game record losing streak remains the longest in NFL history. The 1972 Miami Dolphins always crack open a bottle of champagne when some team who has threatened their record loses. So what did the Bucs do – twist open a wine cooler?

–
Former President Clinton says there is still a right wing conspiracy and it is still virulent. Former President George W. Bush is still trying to figure out what virulent means.

–
President Obama has decided to head to Copenhagen for a few hours to lobby for bringing the 2016 Olympics to Chicago. And while some may criticize him, who better understands over-hyped, over-expensive and overly-media oriented productions than a man who’s been dealing with Congress?

–
Apparently President Clinton offered to go in Obama’s stead. At least until he heard that the IOC was almost exclusively male and all over 70.

–

finally from my twisted friend Melodi –

The 40-something-year old victim of 76-year-old Roman Polanski pleas for mercy toward Polanski because he wouldn’t do it again… Didn’t she mean couldn’t?
–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Dinosaurs Alive.

September 27, 2009

Stunners in the NFL: Brett Favre throws a last second touchdown pass for a Vikings win over the 49ers, and the Lions finally get a win, against the Redskins. In related news, Washington has just offered an immediate quarterback contract to Joe Theismann.

–
Jim Riggleman, the interim manager of the 52-102 Washington Nationals said “We’re not the worst team in baseball.” He also predicted Barack Obama would someday be nominated to the Pro Bowlers Hall of Fame.

–

How bad is it in our nation’s capital? The Nationals have the worst record in baseball, the Redskins just lost to the Lions, and the Wizards had one of the worst records, again, in the NBA last season. At this point the only way Washington gets a winning team in town is when Obama invites one to the White House.

–
–
A man who snuck into the grizzly bear exhibit at San Francisco Zoo was somehow was rescued without any harm to him, or the grizzlies. Just as well the zoo got him out, any savings in the cost of feeding the bears this week would have been offset by the inevitable lawsuits.

–

The CBS 5 Sunday night news referred to the man’s climbing into the bear enclosure as “A stunt that defied logic.” As opposed to climbing into a bear enclosure using logic?

–
Today’s new Coaches Top 25 College Football poll has Cal ranked 19th, Oregon 25th. (Oregon just beat Cal 42-3.) Who’s overseeing this poll – President John McCain?
–

The remake of the musicial “Fame” had a disappointing opening weekend at the box office. MGM/UA estimated the audience was almost 80 percent female. But the studio was cheered by the positive audience reviews from both straight men.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Marriage and other games.

September 25, 2009

Former President Clinton says he has changed his mind, and now supports gay marriage. Of course, Bill has a history of changing his mind on marriage – starting with that “forsaking all others” stuff.

–
The Chicago Cubs, favored to contend for the NL title, have long been out of the playoff hunt But really, what’s the difference between the 2009 Cubs and the 2008 team that won 97 games? About a week.

–
The punchless San Francisco Giants, however, were shut out by the Cubs 3-0 on Friday night, in a game that took only 1 hour and 56 minutes. The game summary, “Nasty, brutal, but mercifully short.”

–
Actually, the Giants hitting this year is often of mythical proportions. Mythical as in few people have ever really seen it.

–
The Nationals, now officially losers of 100 games, have announced they will lower ticket prices in 2010. This might be a first in Washington. Incompetent results, and the public will end up paying less because of it.

–

Tears for Lebron: On an episode of the Jay Leno Show, Leno asked Lebron James the last time he cried at a movie. Lebron answered with a plug for his new movie. A more honest answer might have been “Game tapes from the 2007 NBA Finals.”

(the San Antonio Spurs swept the the Cleveland Cavaliers in 4 games.)

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags:

Comments: Be the first to comment

Politics and other dreams…

September 25, 2009

As much as I might try to write funny stuff, it’s hard to top Carly Fiorina’s new website – .
http://www.carlyforcalifornia.com Seriously. Even Sarah Palin commented “What was she THINKING?”

–
The ironic thing, Fiorina was the president of HP. Her website does for technology what Chrysler did for cars.

–

“Carlyfornia dreamin!!!? I guess Fiorinashe was listening to Arnold and tried to spell it phonetically

–
Also in California, Meg Whitman, running for governor, has already started HER radio ads. Which curiously enough don’t mention if she is a Democrat or Republican. To be fair, Whitman has voted so infrequently, maybe she can’t remember.

–

After comparing George W. Bush to the devil in 2006, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, said in a U.N. speech Thursday said, “It doesn’t smell like sulfur anymore.” Yeah, apparently staff disinfected the chambers after the speech from Gadhafi.

–
American Idol season one runner-up Justin Guarini is getting married, then returning to the studio to record his third CD. Idol fans were surprised by the news – Guarini recorded a second CD?

A radio advertisement hails Stanford Football as “the hardest working team in the Pac 10.” That just means they go to class.

–
Mark Reynolds of the Arizona Diamondbacks has broken his own record by striking out 205 times this season. 205 strikeouts? That’s more than a pair of horny frat boys at an LPGA event.

–
I’m thinking of starting a Facebook Group. Who needs Michael Crabtree? Let’s see. The 49ers are 2-0, the sulky wide-receiver is still holding out. Personally I’d like to see them commit to making the playoffs without him. Then put half the bonus they were going to give him towards next year’s number one pick. And give the rest to charity. Talk about a way to become America’s team.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

A few midweek thoughts…

September 24, 2009

After being suspended for the rest of the season earlier this week, Cubs outfielder Milton Bradley apologized and said “I chose Chicago as a free agent because I wanted to be part of bringing a championship to the Cubs’ fans. ” That’s it, no more free agent signings in Chicago before sanity tests.

–
by the way, this week’s posts so far written with a bad cold…. so apologies to any readers who think I have lost it. Of course, some may think I have never found it.
–
The Nationals are, as of tonight, sitting on 99 losses, and almost certainly heading for their 100th. A record of futility unmatched in Washington, except maybe by Congress.

–
How hopeless are the Nationals? Instead of asking Barack Obama to throw out next year’s first pitch, they are deciding between Dennis Kucinich and Ralph Nader.

–

Also in Washington, a group of American Indians is asking the Supreme Court to declare that with their name, the Redskins defame Native Americans. If they are successful, PETA may ask the court to declare that the Bengals and Lions defame felines.

–
After an IVF clinic made a mistake, an Ohio woman is giving birth to another couple’s biological child. And somewhere John Edwards is thinking, “Okay, I’m a good enough lawyer to somehow use that excuse….”

Commie pinko time…
–
Another question for the tea-party/tea bagger types. Where’s all the outrage about taxpayer money going to fund NFL stadiums, and then the teams involved refusing to lift television blackout rules during the recession?

For that matter, while a lot of the tea-baggers are furious about the thought that lax oversight of any potential new health care reform laws might mean illegal immigrants get access to health insurance – where’s that same outrage about lax oversight of laws meaning those same illegals might get easy access to guns?

–
In Sarah Palin’s Hong Kong speech, she told investors “I’m going to call it like I see it and I will share with you candidly a view right from Main Street, Main Street U.S.A.” Once again showing Walt’s genius in having Main Street lead directly to Fantasyland.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Seasons changing…

September 23, 2009

Today was the first day of autumn, and all around the country you can see the signs. In Chicago, fans are just starting to roll out their “Cubs World Series champs 2010′ t-shirts.

–

The NBA plans to start the season with replacement referees. The players association is against the idea. If the refs aren’t experienced, how will they know who never to call fouls on?

–

Zack Greinke has 15 wins for the Royals. Who knew? The Royals have 15 wins?

–

Actually, the Kansas City Royals, once on pace for losing 100 games easily, are 12-3. This is the baseball equivalent of George W. Bush deciding to read books during his last weeks in office.

–

A Russian billionaire wants to buy the New Jersey Nets. If the deal is approved it would be the first NBA team with foreign ownership. I guess Mark Cuban’s home planet doesn’t count.

–

Glenn Beck told Katie Couric. “I think John McCain would have been worse for the country than Barack Obama.” Say what? Well, I suppose it makes sense in one way, with McCain as President, Glenn Beck wouldn’t have a show.

–

Ron Artest said that fans can blame him if the Lakers don’t repeat this year. He himself, however, will stick to blaming his teammates.

–

Georgetown’s baseball team was put on three years probation because some of their players were overpaid for work-study programs. Other unnamed Division 1 athletic programs were astounded, Georgetown players actually had to work to be paid?

From Bill Littlejohn, last year’s joke, but as mentioned yesterday, Pete Carroll’s Trojans have once again been knocked out of the BCS championship by their annual inexplicable loss to a mediocre-at-best Pac 10 team. “If Pete Carroll were president during the Cold War, I wouldn’t have worried about the Soviet Union – I’d have worried about Liechtenstein.'”

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: Be the first to comment

Monday thoughts.

September 21, 2009

As San Francisco manager Bruce Bochy and Carney Lansford keep insisting that they are trying to teach the their team plate discipline, one thought comes to mind. If Mike Singletary coached the Giants and told them not to swing at the first pitch, they wouldn’t do it more than once.

–

Amazing thought, with the 49ers at 2-0, the best professional football team in California at the end of September this year will not be the USC Trojans.

–
So this year Washington, last year Oregon State, then in 2006 Stanford. Sounds like the Trojans game plan is “Underachieve Some Conference” games.

As much as I would like to see a BCS playoff, I must say that I hate the thought of giving Pete Carroll’s USC Trojans a second chance every year at the national title, after their annual mail-it-in loss to some mediocre or worse Pac 10 team.

–
To push his healthcare plan, President Obama appeared last weekend on all five Sunday morning talkshows. Talk about overexposure – who does he think he is, Peyton Manning?

–
The Houston Astros, 70-79 and long eliminated from playoff contention, fired their manager with 13 games left in the season. Talk about locking the barn door after the horse has not only bolted, but also run 20 miles down the road into the next county.

–
Cuban defector Aroldis Chapman, a lefthander with a 102 mph fastball, has established residency in Andorra while he files for free agency. Apparently he really plans to live in the tiny country, while he is not playing for the Yankees or Red Sox.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Football and other games.

September 21, 2009

Brett Favre led the Minnesota Vikings over the apparently still woeful Detroit Lions. Proving once again that “Age and treachery can overcome youth and lack of skill.”

–
The Dallas Cowboys pronounced the opening game at their new stadium almost a success. It would have been a complete success had the Giants’ game winning field goal clanged off the scoreboard.

–
Former President Bill Clinton will come out to California to campaign for San Francisco Mayer Gavin Newsom, who is running for Governor. Should we be surprised? Lets see, Newsom got caught in a high profile sex scandal, with his best friend’s wife no less, and then ended up marrying a beautiful blond actress. Rumor has it Clinton refers to him as “my hero.”

–
Cuba has announced they want to become an eco-tourist destination. Does that mean they will want travellers to start arriving as well as departing on rafts?

–
Whatever else you can accuse the “Tea Baggers” of, at least no one can say they spent too much time with their heads in history books. Since the Boston Tea Party was about taxation without representation. Since their primary issue is to be anti-healthcare, aren’t they complaining about too much representation?

–
You do wonder, with the “Tea Baggers” anti-government attitude, does that mean they won’t sue if their bus crashes due to hitting an unfilled pothole on an interstate highway?
–
Jon Stewart won two Emmy’s Sunday night for the Daily Show. Hope he remembered to thank the people who made this possible – Joe Biden, Sarah Palin, Mark Sanford…..

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Liars and losers…

September 20, 2009

The Joe Wilson episode was shocking, the first time a member of Congress has yelled “You lie” at a sitting president. (Hillary doesn’t count, she wasn’t elected then.)
–

Apparently President Obama wants New York Governor David Paterson not even to compete in the 2010 gubernatorial 2010 election because he is facing almost certain defeat. Paterson’s alleged response “Well, that hasn’t stopped the Mets.”

–
This is tacky, but what the heck…

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom and his wife Jennifer named their newborn daughter Montana, after the ranch Jennifer’s family owns in the state. Good thing that property wasn’t over the state line. It could be a little awkward campaigning in Oakland with a daughter named “Idaho.”

–
Apparently during the recent Los Angeles area wildfire, a large number of marijuana plantations went up in smoke. Which may explain the record month’s sales at 7-11 and Krispy Kreme.

–
Over 20,000 people showed up to see the 67-82 Padres take on the 56-90 Pirates. Which means there really isn’t much to do in Pittsburgh on a Saturday afternoon.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Staggering into the weekend,

September 19, 2009

After a North Carolina resident had been having health problems for two years, doctors discovered and removed a plastic spoon with a Wendy’s logo from his lung.

The man is recovering. But from the restaurant chain’s perspective, if someone can’t tell your food from plastic, maybe you should rethink your recipes.

–

With Donovan McNabb injured, and Michael Vick unavailable until week three, the Philadelphia Eagles will be choosing between Kevin Kolb, who has never started a game, and recently signed Jeff Garcia at quarterback.

No word on what Vick responded when asked for his opinion as to who should start. But I think it’s safe to assume it wasn’t “I don’t have a dog in this fight.”

–

A New York plumber streaked during a Mets game in May, wearing only a stuffed monkey tied around his waist. He pled guilty and this week was fined $3,000 in penalties, given 20 days of community service and banned from Citi Field for life. Just imagine the penalties if he hadn’t gotten that monkey off his back.

–
Although given the way the Mets are playing a harsher punishment might have been requiring him to attend all next year’s home games.

–

The University of Minnesota is instituting a new policy: Student season-ticket holders who get kicked out of the football stadium games for drunk and rowdy behavior, will have to pass a breath test each time they want to attend future games.

In Detroit, they are hoping this doesn’t catch on – It could be construed as cruel and unusual punishment to have to watch Lions games sober.

–

Cleveland Cavaliers guard Delonte West was arrested after officers pulled him over for speeding on a motorcycle in Maryland while carrying two handguns and a shotgun in a guitar case.

Three guns on a motorbike the freeway? Maybe he was working on his outside shot?

–
True “great moments in heckling” story as told by Craig Coombs,

With the A’s leading the Indians 5-2 in the 8th, there were only a few thousand fans left in Oakland’s stadium Thursday night. The place was pretty quiet.

The home plate umpire, however, made two bad pitch calls in a row when the A’s were batting.

There were a few scattered boos, then a woman with a loud, gravely voice, yelled out:

“Hey, Blue! Does your wife know you’re screwing us?”

–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Dinosaurs, etc.

September 18, 2009

For some reason best known only to themselves, CNN is running an online poll asking readers to name their favorite dinosaur. So far T-Rex is beating out a host of challengers, ranging from the New York Times to Brett Favre.

–
New York anchorman Ernie Anastos has become infamous for his on-air flub of the phrase – “Keep plucking that chicken.” He just wishes plolks would fease stop making such a pluss about it.

–
Lebron James will portray himself in an upcoming movie about basketball. Of course, based on his refusal to talk to the media or shake hands with Orlando players after the Magic eliminated the Cavs, Lebron already has acting experience…in acting like a baby.

–
Federal prosecutors are urging a federal appellate court to reverse a trial judge’s ruling so they can present evidence they say shows Barry Bonds knowingly used steroids.

We don’t have money to spend on national healthcare, but the government can spend millions in hopes of proving a player that has been out of baseball for two years did the same thing at least 104 other players tested positive for doing. Is this a great country or what?

–
An American Airlines flight made an emergency landing after a note was found saying there was a bomb on board. Turns out it was only a disgruntled passenger who had paid $5 to watch “Confessions of a Shopaholic.”

–
And in the surreal world of reality television, another Kate, this time yet one more alleged recent ex-lover, has come forward to say she “despises” Jon Gosselin. At this point, stay tuned for the sequel of “Jon plus 8 – ex-girlfriends.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Newlyweds and nearly-deads

September 16, 2009

George Takei and his partner Brad Altman, who were married last year, will be the first gay couple on “The Newlywed Game.” Good to see them “boldly go where no men have gone before.

–
A Phillies fan became a national celebrity after he handed his 3 year old daughter a foul ball and she threw away. Who knew the girl wanted to play for the Pirates?
–

A new study indicates that 50 year olds who suffer from chronic pain feel like they are 80 years old. Which means the most geriatic folks in the country probably have season tickets at Wrigley Field.

–

Critics are complaining that the new Leno show is just like his old Tonight show. And their point is?

–

Former House Majority Leader Tom Delay injured his foot during rehearsal for “Dancing with the Stars.” Apparently, whatever his partner suggested, Delay kept moving to the right.

–
This year’s U.S. Open will be remembered in part because of all the pictures of a child running around the court. And besides Serena Williams, Kim Clijster’s daughter was also pretty cute.
–

Former Laugh-In star Henry Gibson died today at the age of 73. Funeral services are pending but will no doubt feature large flowers, and “A poem, by Henry Gibson.”

from Bill Littlejohn, after tests indicated that a world-class athlete is both male and female: “Are they talking about Caster Semenya or Manny Ramirez?”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Watching him dance with “Baby”, we had the time of our life

September 15, 2009

R.I.P Patrick Swayze. Even if heaven is full of sexy, classy men, no one will put him in a corner

–

Kanye West, Joe Wilson, Serena Williams. Good thing the founding fathers aren’t around to tweak the Bill of Rights. They might rethink that “freedom of speech” thing.

–
The Iraqi man who threw a shoe at President Bush has been released from prison. One of his potential next moves? Recording a CD titled “Sole Man.”

–
The Iraqi shoe-thrower said he was tortured in prison. What did his captors do? Make him listen to Biden speeches?

–

Despite all the supposedly enhanced long-balls during the “Steroid Era”, the season Home Run record has already been broken this year at Yankee Stadium. Proving performance enhancing drugs are no match for stupid stadium construction.

–
Sarah Palin’s speech to an investor’s group in Hong Kong will be closed to the media. But the former governor says she isn’t ducking journalists, in fact, she promises to have a printed transcript made of her remarks both in English and Hong Kong-ese.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

NFL week one etc.

September 14, 2009

Cincinnati lost to the Denver Broncos on an 87 yard last second tipped pass, a play that was aided by defensive mistakes. It was the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Bengals in recent memory. Well, without the police being involved.

–
How bad was Quarterback Jay Cutler’s play in the Bears opening day loss to the Packers. By the fourth quarter Chicago fans were calling for the return of Rex Grossman.

Drew Brees threw six touchdown passes on Sunday, which tied the Saints’ single game record. No word on if because it was against the Lions the record will have an asterisk.

–
The Green Bay media is praising Aaron Rodgers for a great season-opener, including his last minute drive to lead the Packers over the Bears. But to be fair and give credit where credit is due, they do say the Vikings seem to have a good running game.

–
–
The Lions extended their regular season losing streak to 18 games. There went Detroit’s early hopes of cracking the AP College Football top 25.

–

C.C. Sabathia won his 17th for the Yankees, 13-3 over the Orioles. The offensive outburst came without much help from A-Rod, who was on the bench after being ejected in the fourth. Well, that’s one way to get some practice for the playoffs.
–

After their upset of Oklahama State, the Houston Cougars are in college football’s top 25 for the first time since 1991. To give you an idea how long ago that was, Brett Favre was just contemplating his first retirement.

Barack Obama condemned Kanye West’s interruption of Taylor Swift’s MTV award acceptance.. But the President intends to give Kanye a chance to redeem himself; in fact he has invited the rapper to attend Joe Biden’s next speech.

–
September might be a harsh reality check for Obama, as he realizes the limits of his power in Washington. Oh, he will probably get health care passed. But there is nothing he will be able to do about the Redskins.
–
Serena Williams ending up forfeiting match point after a profanity-laced tirade in her U.S. Open semi-final. So much for all those who say the women would never catch up to the men’s game.
–

Serena Williams’ over-the-top outburst at the U.S. Open, will cost her at least a $10,000 fine. Had she just yelled “You lie,” she might have offset that fine with contributions from Republicans.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Sunday pun-day

September 13, 2009

Okay, anyone who doesn’t like puns stop reading now. And anyone who is easily offended don’t read the last joke.

While many of the headlines about the Serena Williams – Kim Clijsters match focus on Serena’s meltdown, how about the fact that Kim is playing with her toddler daughter in tow.

My headline idea – “Mum’s the word.”

–

And after the Oklahoma State Cowboys were upset by the Houston Cougars… how many headlines in Oklahoma will read.

“Houston – we had a problem?”

–
After freshman QB Tate Forcier led the Michigan Wolverines over Notre Dame.

“May the Forcier be with you”

–
Or “Wolverines Forcier their way past Fighting Irish.”

–
Brett Favre was voted one of the Minnesota Vikings’ five team captains. No confirmation on the rumor that Favre was chosen in a plea-bargain that meant the team didn’t have to wait for Brett to vote on his own choice.

–

One person who won’t be invited to the last game of the year at Wrigley Field – South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson. The Cubs don’t want him anywhere around when they thank their fans for coming, and then tell them, “Wait until next year.”

San Francisco Giants fans have been hoping for months that their hitting would catch up to their pitching. Unfortunately, after 10-3 and 9-1 losses to the Dodgers, it appears to have happened the other way around.

–
Richard Seymour, who has been AWOL for five days since being traded from New England, now says he’s “excited” to join Oakland. The Raiders professed themselves happy to have him, once he has an examination to check for any possible head injury.

–
Virginia gubernatorial candidate Bob McDonnell dropped the “f bomb” in an interview. In some ways the GOP has to be relieved. It’s the first time this year the word was part of a news story with a Republican – where it wasn’t used as a verb.
–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Conspiracy is no match for stupidity.

September 12, 2009

Yet another example why I am not generally a conspiracy theorist. Could many conspirators have come up with a better way to nearly cause hysteria in Washington DC, than whoever in the Coast Guard approved a training exercise where their boats supposedly fired on a suspicious craft in the Potomac on September 11?

–

Michael Jordan was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame, in his first year of eligibility – five years after his final retirement. Which means that Pete Rose is likely to be a Hall of Famer before Brett Favre.

–
In a recent survey, one in ten British drivers admit to using Twitter while driving. The other 90 percent say it would be way too dangerous a distraction, especially while they are updating their Facebook profiles.

–
It’s looking increasingly likely that the SF Giants will have something in comment with the Oakland Raiders. Neither seem destined for meaningful games in October.

–

A 40 year old Ohio man has just achieved the first perfect score in the nearly thirty year history of the video game Pac-Man. His next challenge – going out on his first date.

–

The NFL has decided on a compromise blackout decision for teams who cannot sell out their home games. The affected games will not be shown live, but will be shown for free after midnight. Which is not a bad idea….given past history, Raiders and Bengals games, for example, might be deemed inappropriately scary for children.

–

69 year old football coach Bill Snyder of Kansas State agreed to a new five-year contract worth over $9 million. Joe Paterno called the deal “just another example of paying for youth over experience.”.

Commie pinko time again.

Three questions for the “Tea Baggers” and others against health care reform.

1. So given the probable H1N1 epidemic this fall, what would you prefer? A world in which poor and uninsured people who think they have the flu get tested and treated, even if it’s aided by taxpayer dollars? Or a world in which those same people stay away from doctors, hope for the best, and go to work or school anyway?

2. Considering the incredible public relations potential, I wonder why those who are anti-health care reform don’t trot out all the uninsured, especially those who are unemployed, who want the government to get out of the way so they can get good health insurance again in the free market.

3. For all the Republicans who say they want to reform the system, just not in the way Barack Obama has proposed, why the heck didn’t they do it when they controlled the Presidency and both Houses of Congress.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Friday thoughts…

September 11, 2009

Wondered if jokes were appropriate on 9/11, then figured, while we may all probably spend time reflecting and remembering, there is a reason for gallows humor. We all need to laugh as much as we need to try. So here’s an attempt at some mostly tasteful, or at least not completely tasteless, jokes.

–

The defending Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers opened the NFL season with a win. Leading Pittsburgh Pirates fans to hope, maybe this week they can win one too.

–

The San Francisco Giants at A T and T park are hosting a production of Verdi’s “Il Trovatore” on September 19, calling it “Opera at the Ballpark.” Unfortunately, this week Giants fans may have already seen the fat lady start singing.

–
NBA officials may be locked out on October 1. Which will certainly complicate things for the league – who’s going to not call travelling on Lebron James?

–
Not sure if the U.S. has the stupidest politicians on earth, or just the ones who get caught more often. But one reason we know the terrorists haven’t won – Americans don’t get arrested for political jokes.

(though, yeah, I know, Dick Cheney is working on it.)
–

–
Ellen Degeneres has now been confirmed as the fourth judge on American Idol for next season, although she knows nothing about music. In other words, she will be an English speaking version of Paula Abdul.

–
Tests on Caster Semenya apparently show the South African track star has both male and female sexual characteristics. Which could be a blow to her future athletic hopes. But it could make her more likely to get a future job hosting American Idol.

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: Be the first to comment

When will they EVER learn..

September 10, 2009

So Rod Blagojevich got caught offering bribes on FBI wiretaps, and Mike Duvall got caught talking about sex on a open microphone. The next generation may not produce more honest politicians, but maybe at least they will be smarter about electronics?.

For those who haven’t heard:

Republican California Assemblyman Mike Duvall, a married father of two, was caught on tape bragging about having sex with two women lobbyists. He resigned, apologizing for his “inappropriate comments.” Yo, Mike, it’s not your COMMENTS that were inappropriate.

Follow-up from Jerry Perisho – In California, having sex with 2 women will either get you canned or get you elected Governor.

–
Ellen Degeneres will be the new fourth judge on American Idol, replacing Paula Abdul. I like Ellen, but if Fox is hiring her to make the show more LGBT friendly, are they worried Ryan Seacrest is leaving too?

–

Virginia gubernatorial candidate Bob McDonnell’s campaign has been struggling because of his recently revealed statements against working women and homosexuals.. In fact, it might be the most self-inflicted damage a Republican has done lately with his pants on.

–

from Bill Littlejohn:

“Melanie Oudin, who is making a Cinderella run in the U.S. Open, didn’t plan to stay past the first few days in New York, and she was forced to change hotels after 12 days. Guess she also will now longer be using Anna Kournikova’s travel agent”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

« Older Entries