Archive for February 2009

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If you are thinking of higher office someday…

February 28, 2009

With all the recent political career derailments, thought I would do a helpful post on suggestions for those planning on a career in public service above the local level. Including cabinet positions.

If you are planning any indiscretions, do them while you are young. Note, young means 21 and under. Under 18 is better. 25 is marginal. 30 something, or 40 something, may be young at heart, but not in the court of public opinion.

Live your life as if EVERYONE you come in contact with has a cellphone camera. This is almost true anyway. Especially if you hang out with anyone under 60.

If you patronize an adult bookstore, a “gentlemans club” or anything similar, pay cash.

If possible, never end a relationship on bad terms. Especially if your ex has pictures. And if it’s a relationship you would prefer not to be public, this goes double.

Pay taxes. For anything over a lemonade stand. And maybe even then.

Pay taxes for anyone you hire. And employees count as a relationship. Don’t be the kind of boss with ex-employees feeling they need to get back at you. Because, if you become a public figure, they will.

In public restrooms, don’t adopt a wide stance.

And remember, friends may fade, but Facebook is forever.

Additional suggestions welcome. Remember the career you save may be your own.

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More Jindal…

February 28, 2009

This has not been a good week for Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal. In fact, generally when things go this badly for a potential future Republican presidential candidate, Katie Couric is involved.

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It has now come out that Jindal’s story of standing “shoulder to shoulder” with a New Orleans sheriff during Katrina was fabricated. In his defense, the Governor says the exaggeration might be due to post traumatic stress syndrome from the time he dodged sniper fire with Hillary Clinton.

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Manny Ramirez said last fall he was happy in Los Angeles and would like to finish his career there. Now, the spring training season is underway, and he has turned down yet another $45 million contract offer from the Dodgers. Even Kobe Bryant is saying “Think of the team.”
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With Manny Ramirez publicly turning down huge contracts, there is some worry he is hurting baseball’s reputation during this recession. Even Commissioner Bud Selig is saying, “Can’t you settle for $18 million a year like I did?
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How can anyone doubt now that President Obama can work miracles? He showed up to watch a Washington Wizards game and they actually won.

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After signing a $137 million six year contract with the Mets last year, Johan Santana has been scratched from both spring training starts with elbow trouble. New York is just hoping they didn’t pay all that money for absolutely nothing this year. Maybe it wasn’t the best karma to name their new stadium Citi Field?

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Who needs experience?

February 27, 2009

Former Ebay CEO Meg Whitman is running for governor of California, although she has never held elected office and has admitted forgetting to vote.

Another sign of our country’s move towards gender equality- now women too can try to jump into politics at the top.
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Republicans claimed last year that being an attractive minority candidate didn’t offset youth and inexperience. Who knew they were talking about Bobby Jindal.

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Tiger Woods returned to playing professional golf and told a reporter “The day I’m not nervous is the day I quit.”

That explains all Tiger’s fellow PGA tour members sending him all those yoga tapes.

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So Bobby Jindal considers “volcano monitoring” in the stimulus bill to be a ridiculous waste of money. Wonder what he would say if the Governors of Hawaii and Washington declared any money spent on shoring up levees to be a ridiculous waste too?

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Actually, Bobby’s real name is Pi-Yush Jindal, he says he changed it himself at the age of four to name himself after Bobby Brady on the Brady Bunch.

Myself, I wanted to be Marcia. But I drew the line at trying to duplicate her hair.

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So Governor Jindal changed his name from Piyush to Bobby. Well for all the jobs we are losing overseas to India, at least we are winning on names here.

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Stanford’s men’s basketball team lost another close game Thursday to UCLA, 76-71, after blowing yet another lead. The team, in fact, has led in all seven of their road losses, At this point, perhaps they should change the mascot to Wil E Coyote.

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And in the midst of a recession, another example of why other countries hate us…

From US Weekly, about the wedding of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen: “The bride wore a Dolce and Gabbana gown. Her three dogs, which attended the ceremony, wore matching Dolce and Gabbana floral lace collars.”

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While the credit markets have essentially dried up, the NBA announced it has lined up $200 million from U.S. banks for any franchise that is interested in extra cash.

Does this really need a punchline?

But…

Guess this could put a whole new spin on the term “America’s teams.”

or

Well, to the long list of incompetent operations our tax dollars are shoring up, we may soon be able to add the Clippers.

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Presidential jokes?

February 26, 2009

My very funny friend Alex Kaseberg’s daughter has a book of Presidential jokes throughout history. The number one joke – George W. Bush.

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Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, in his rebuttal to President Obama’s speech, decried the “volcano monitoring” money in the stimulus package. Can we officially declare him the governor least likely to be invited for a vacation by the Hawaiian tourism bureau?

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Jindal was also criticized for his not-very-flattering suit. But to be fair, the Republican National Committee spent all their clothing budget on Sarah Palin.
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Obama’s and Jindal’s speeches did bring hope to the beleaguered clothing industry. Women saw Michelle Obama and wanted to shop to dress like her. And men saw Bobby Jindal and wanted to shop so they wouldn’t be dressing like him

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Actually, Jindal supposedly renamed himself Bobby as a child, after Bobby Brady on the Brady Bunch. His real name is Piyush. Although many Republicans privately rated his performance as P.U.

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With the Wizards firmly ensconced in the NBA’s Eastern Conference basement, and the Nationals’ General Manager Jim Bowden involved in a scouting scandal before the season even starts, at least there’s some good news for Barack Obama. Even with a few more tax problems and mistakes, he won’t have the most embarrassing team in Washington.

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And Michelle Obama has announced the first family will be getting a Portuguese Water Dog in April. So this means Obama has already delivered on one campaign promise.

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With the global recession, and some purses on the European golfing tour already scaled back, Greg Norman thinks that PGA prize money in America should be reduced too. But while the country is talking stimulus packages, how about this solution, part of the top prizes changed to debit cards, that must be spent within the next six months in the U.S.? (Tiger Woods could single handedly jump start the baby clothing and accessories markets.)

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Semi-State of the Union…

February 25, 2009

President Obama’s first speech to Congress was notably different from his predecesor’s in many respects.

For starters, no need for English subtitles.

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Nancy Pelosi appeared to be doing her best to be a role model for tough economic times. Or that would explain an outfit that looked like it came from the sale rack at the dollar store.

(yeah, yeah, I know women are held to a higher standard and that joke is catty. But I’m a Democrat and a woman so I’ll make it anyway.)

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President Obama’s speech lasted 50 minutes. Or as Joe Biden would call it “a few introductory remarks.”

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The Washington Nationals signed 16 year old Esmailyn Gonzalez in 2006. Turns out his name is Carlos Alvarez Daniel Lugo, and he is four years older than they thought.

Well, at least he’s one guy who can truly say he matured in the off-season.

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Random thought. How come the scent of an expensive perfume can fade in a few hours…but the smell of burnt popcorn is forever?

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Monkey business

After a chimpanzee critically injured his owner’s friend and was shot to death last week, the House passed a bill to make it illegal to transport primates across state lines for use as pets. The vote was 323 to 95.

Not that what happened to that poor woman – and chimp – wasn’t awful. But in the midst of an economic meltdown, this is what we get passed with bipartisan agreement?

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Octuplet mom Nayda Shulman claims she is writing a book about childcare.

Isn’t that like Bill Clinton writing a book about fidelity?

Isn’t that like Joe Biden writing a book about brevity?

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Or – Nayda Shulman is writing a book about childcare. Who could possibly consider her a sane role model on the subject? Other than Michael Jackson.

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Losing Super Bowl quarterback, Kurt Warner, 37, wants a raise from the Arizona Cardinals from $4 million last year, to about $14 million this year. In his defense, Warner claims he’s worried about soon having to live on Social Security.

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What’s in a name?

February 24, 2009

After this week they may all be Banks of America.

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What’s wrong with this country?

Barry Bonds’ trainer Greg Anderson, who has refused to testify against the slugger, has spent more time in jail than Bernie Madoff.

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Some economists feel that the stock market has hit bottom around 7000. And in any case will not keep losing 200-300 points a day for very long. Well, no more than a month for sure.

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The University of Michigan is slightly owering football ticket prices this year. after a 3-9 season. Apparently the athletic department decided to keep the prices more in line with other Division 3 teams.

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The number of Americans actually working in February has dropped to one of the lowest levels in the last decades. Not as low, however, as it will be during the first week of March Madness.

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Who wants to be a slumdog millionaire?

February 23, 2009

Slumdog Millionaire, filmed on a modest budget in Mumbai, was a big winner at the Academy Awards. Now we’re even outsourcing our awards to India.

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Actually, in the U.S., plans are afoot for a documentary titled “Slumdog Millionaire.” It’s about several real estate investors who used to be billionaires.

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The producers of Slumdog Millionaire brought several of the child actors to the Oscar ceremony. The process, however, wasn’t easy. First they had to work out the travel schedules, then there were the visa issues, and then Angelina Jolie tried to adopt them.

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Regarding this year’s Oscar gowns….was the whole production supposed to be a tribute to “the Little Mermaid?”

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Former President Clinton has been speaking out and giving a lot of helpful advice to President Obama. Even Joe Biden is saying “Bill, less is more.”

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And back to baseball, Los Angeles Dodgers’ general manager says that converations between the team and Manny Ramirez have become “more frequent and longer”, and that while he wouldn’t say it was progress, “we’re just talking much more.”

Is this a contract negotiation or marriage counseling?

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A father figure…

February 22, 2009

New San Francisco 49ers coach Mike Singletary says he wants to be a “father figure” to the team and the young players.

Although after that first pants dropping press conference he also fulfilled a mother’s role in one aspect – the reminder never to go out of the house without clean underwear.

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Singletary also said he wanted the 49ers to be physical with an F.

So maybe he also meant he wanted to be a Phather Phigure?

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More Oscars jokes to follow, but in the best acting category, a few performances left out:

Alex Rodriguez – for his portrayal of a young naive multimillionaire. (“I didn’t know I was using steroids, but I knew I wasn’t taking Tic-Tacs.” – for starters, who injects Tic-Tacs?)

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Bud Selig – for his portrayal of an old naive multimillionaire. (“There were steroids in baseball? I’m shocked, shocked…”)

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Most of the PGA Tour. For their welcome of Tiger Woods back to professional golf.

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Decision in California…

February 21, 2009

So who’d a thunk it ?- California would decide on a budget before Manny Ramirez would decide on a team.

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Barack Obama took his first foreign trip to Canada this past week. He said in a speech there that he expected to fix the U.S. economy, bring the troops home from Iraq, and solve global warming. Realistically, however, he said there was nothing he could do about the Maple Leafs.

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It turns out that the home where octuplet mom Nayda Suleman has been living with her mother and other six children might be foreclosed, as the mortgage hasn’t been paid in months.

Well, finally something about this nutty woman most Americans can relate to.

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Now it turns out that newly appointed Illlinois Senator Roland Burris admits he tried to raise money for former Governor Blagojevich, but was unsuccessful. He still says he has nothing to hide. That’s like telling your partner or spouse you didn’t cheat on them during a business trip, after everyone you propositioned turned you down.

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Roland Burris is being pressured to resign, even though he has only been in Washington for a month. That’s not even long enough to learn how to cheat on his taxes.

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Burris also could be charged with perjury over the fundraising issue. It’s a strange situation in Illinois; the state with “Land of Lincoln” on their license plates seems to be sending a never ending supply of politicians to help make them.

Maybe they should change the license plate a bit. Instead of just saying “Land of Lincoln,” Illinois could add on the bottom “Honest Abe doesnt live here any more.”

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No turning blind eyes here…

February 20, 2009

Commissioner Bud Selig said earlier this week that he didn’t want to hear anyone say he turned a “blind eye” to baseball’s steroid problem. So I guess we’ve got the “hear no evil” part down too…

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Further regarding the steroid issue, Selig said he doesn’t understand how people can ask him “how did you not know?” And then he added that he also doesn’t understand how so many people can think that nice young man Michael Phelps has tried marijuana.

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Bill Clinton said in an interview that Obama should be more “hopeful” and “optimistic” And the former president pointed out how his own optimism had paid off: As bad as it looked last summer, Hillary now has a job she is happy with, and she’s usually out of the country.

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Barack Obama got great press coverage from his first foreign trip as president, to Canada. But the Republicans had Sarah Palin watching from her house.

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John McCain’s daughter, Meghan, spoke out today about the Republican party’s need to get modernize their use of techology. And in that spirit her father went out and replaced his typewriter with an electric model.

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American Idol started the voting part of their show this week, reducing twelve contestants down to three. No, wait, that was the Obama team vetting potential cabinet members on taxes.

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This is basically a rewrite of a joke idea from Nick Coombs:

The Washington Nationals paid a $1.4 million signing bonus to Dominican prospect Esmailyn Gonzalez in 2006.

Now it turns out Gonzalez is four years older than he claimed, AND uses a assumed name. Guess we finally learned the answer to the question “Whatever happened to Danny Almonte?

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And major league baseball’s spring training is finally in full gear for 2009. You know what that means… only a few more weeks until stores in Chicago can start selling “Wait until 2010” Cubs t-shirts.

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With Obama in Washington…

February 19, 2009

The only thing harder to find in Illinois than a Cubs World Series ring, might be an honest politician.

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At this point, Roland Burris could be the first U.S. Senator to end up with an asterisk.

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Michael Phelps is having the windows of his home in Baltimore tinted, apparently to keep the parparazzi from peeking in. Not only that, but it will also help with his dilated pupils.

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The latest politician to be caught owing back taxes? Sarah Palin, who will be paying taxes on thousands of dollars she received in per diems. I didn’t even realize she was trying for a job in the Obama administration. –

Ken Griffey, Jr, is returning to the Seattle Mariners. So he can finish out his career in the city where he first went on the disabled list.
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In hopes of getting more stimulus money, many states are sending YouTube videos of disasters to Washington. California is apparently sending videos of the Kings and the Clippers.

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Meg Whitman, former CEO of Ebay, is running for governor of California. This despite the fact that in many recent elections she didn’t even vote. This is like trying to be an Ebay powerseller without having any feedback.

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Okay, who would have believed this about Nadya Suleman?

February 18, 2009

That someone could actually make Bristol Palin look like an advertisement for responsible parenthood?

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(And actually, give Bristol Palin some credit, her press conference came off as a lot more sincere than A-Rod’s. And she didn’t even use the “young and stupid excuse.)

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Though speaking of press conferences, baseball commissioner Bud Selig said today that he didn’t want to hear that he “turned a blind eye” to steroids, or that “he didn’t care about” the problem.

Can I be the first to nominate Bud and Nadya as King and Queen of Denial?

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In the meantime, Alex Rodriguez keeps on apologizing, though he’s not quite sure what he’s apologizing for, and he’s not quite sure what he took, but he certainly only took whatever he’s not sure of for a few years..and he was a “young and stupid” twenty-five year old, and besides his cousin did the injections anyway.

A-Rod, look, you would have had us at “I’m sorry.”

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Rodriguez also blamed some of the problem on not going to college, and said “If I had a son, I would definitely recommend him going to college.” Yeah, if you want to avoid all potentially illegal drugs, what better place than college? (See Michael Phelps.)

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Michael Phelps got some good news, the sheriff in the South Carolina college town where that party photo was taken, has decided not to press charges. Because simply being photographed with a bong is not proof of intention. Just as the Clippers might be photographed with basketballs, but most of the time there’s no proof they intended to put them in the basket.

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I didn’t write this one, but wish I had. (A friend told me the line, and I can’t find the original source.)

The new Sully Sullenberger cocktail – Two shots Grey Goose, and a splash of water.

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Still working on an A-Rod cocktail. Best I have so far.

Two shots, no known recipe, and no accountability. Maybe it could be subtitled the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ cocktail?

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Turns out a top Washington Nationals prospect, Esmailyn Gonzalez, from the Dominican Republican may have been using an assumed name, and is FOUR years older than his stated age of 19. The deception may keep him off the Nationals roster…but since he’s here, the guy has a great head start towards a spot in Congress.

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Slow learners award winner: South African Airways..

February 17, 2009

For the second time in a MONTH, the entire crew of a South African Airways plane has been arrested for trying to smuggle cocaine into Heathrow. Yes, pilots and flight attendants.

Maybe this is how they have achieved all those on-time and fast service ratings…

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An anonymous contributor to IOL, a South Africa website, suggested that the new South African Airways (SAA) slogan be “We fly you higher.”

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But let’s see, you know you have been caught before, you know you are under investigation, and you still try to get away with something? Wonder how long before SAA introduces their new corporate spokesman – Rod Blagojevich?

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Alex Rodriguez plans to bring an entourage to his press conference Tuesday about steroids, including one of the lawyers who represented Sammy Sosa. Without knowing their strategy in advance I can only expect the lawyer is working on having A-Rod learn more Spanish, and forget more English.
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Cynical thought: A-Rod expects to have many of his Yankees teammates at the press conference. Supposedly for support. But more likely because his teammates feel Rodriguez willl be less likely to throw them under the bus if they are present…

Another cynical thought. As the Feds prepare their perjury case against Barry Bonds, one detail that has emerged is that they sent a pregnant FBI agent to work out regularly with Bonds’ trainer’s wife in hopes of getting her to spill the beans on Barry’s alleged steroid use.

Apparently they didn’t get anything useful out of the attempted sting, but you have to wonder….if the Feds spent half as much energy investigating the stock market as they did Bonds, our country might be in slightly better shape now.

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Newly appointed New York Senator Kristen Gillibrand has announced she is no longer keeping guns under her bed in case she is surprised by someone sneaking in at night. Fortunately, her predecessor never adopted the same habit. We could have lost Bill.
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Scary thought, somewhere in this country Nadya Suleman might be telling some fertility doctor, “I really need in-vitro, I only have 14 kids…”

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Taking that home run title away from Barry Bonds?

February 16, 2009

Okay, so Bud Selig, the poster child for semi-plausible deniabiliity, is talking about stripping Barry Bonds of his home run title because of the steroids issue.

Fine, then we assume that he will also eliminate McGwire, Sosa and Rodriguez, plus then of course Mantle, Mays and Aaron because they played in the amphetamine era, and anyone before Jackie Robinson in 1947 because they played in the segregation era. And for that matter, women and booze could be considered to be performance enchancing for Babe Ruth….

So as we keep eliminating anyone with a potential strike against their name, does tihs mean in the end that the new official home run king will likely be Duane Kuiper?

(note to non-baseball fans, Duane Kuiper, currently an announcer for the San Francisco Giants, played eleven years in the major leaguers. In 3379 at-bats he had exactly ONE home run.)

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It’s now appearing that steroid use was rampant in the last decade, but it did result in some great performances. So I have one question, how do we get steroids into Congress?

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And what was the point declaring this a holiday again? Monday the government will celebrate President’s Day by doing abolutely nothing.

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Wonder how long until we see this headline? “Obama has not fixed the country yet. Republicans demand impeachment.”
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But okay, almost four weeks into the Obama adminstration, who would have thought that the Cabinet pick who has embarrassed and undercut him the least might be Hillary Clinton?

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The NBA All-Star game was in Phoenix this year. Lots of scoring, no defense. In other words, Suns’ fans felt right at home.

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With an assist from the great Scott Ostler, who commented to me that among golf fans, Tiger Woods might be bigger than Jesus. (Okay, he was joking, don’t send nasty emails.)

But hey, why not? After all to golf fans Tiger Woods can play golf AND walk on water.

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NBA All-Star Weekend

February 15, 2009

It’s a great weekend to be in Washington. The stimulus bill is set, which means most congressmen and women have left town. And for the first weekend since the NBA Season started, fans can feel confident the Wizards will not lose a game.

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Switching sports and coasts….

Headline on Golf.com – “Stanford denies Wie first LPGA title.”

What, did they make her go to class or something?

(actually, it was Angela Stanford, who beat her by three strokes.)

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Stanford’s men’s basketball team lost to Cal Saturday after blowing a 22 point lead. Normally when Stanford blows a lead like that, the football team is involved.

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Just a thought after the whole stimulus bill battle about John McCain and his talk about working across the aisle during the election. Guess that meant working with anyone who he could get over to HIS side of the aisle.

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Hugh Jackman says that he will host a more “intimate” Oscar ceremony than usual. By intimate does he mean that so few people have seen most of the best picture nominees, no one will tune in to watch?

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Some pundits are already writing the Obama presidency off. Are these the same guys who every year watch spring training and say it’s the Cubs’ year?

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Judd the Obscure…

February 14, 2009

(with apologies to Thomas Hardy)

Actually “Obscure” can mean either “unknown”, which the former Secretary of Congress nominee was, or “not clearly understood,” which he still is.

Republican New Hampshire Senator Judd Gregg lobbied for the Cabinet position, then changed his mind and withdrew citing “irresolvable conflicts.” And apparently he had “deep philosophical differences” with President Obama on tax cuts and spending.

What was his first clue?

So Gregg decided he didn’t like the fact that Obama opposed deep tax cuts? Isn’t this like a woman saying she decided not to date George Clooney because he was opposed to commitment?

Or a baseball player wanting out of a free agent contract he signed with the Yankees because he didn’t realize there would be so much media hype?

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Well, if Obama wants a guy who really is into Commerce, last I heard Rod Blagojevich is available.

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Or what about Heidi Fleiss? Unlike a lot of CEO’s she actually delivered value for money.

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So after contract talks fell through with AC Mlian, the team David Beckham really wanted to continue playing for, the aging star will return to the LA Galaxy.

Things could be a little awkward, since he has been so up front in his desire to leave. So does this mean the theme of his relationship with the Galaxy will now be “Mend it like Beckham?”

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The University of Miami just named their baseball stadium for Alex Rodriguez. Although A-Rod downplays it, rumor has it he has already shown up with a swelled head.

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And one more about the latest revelations about Alex Rodriguez. If and when he eclipses Barry Bonds’ home run record, will we go from passing the torch to passing the syringe?

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Yes, President Obama really did want this job…

February 13, 2009

Though right now it is hard to imagine why.

Isn’t fulfilling your dream of being President of the United States right now kind of like fulfilling your dream of being a number one NFL draft pick…and then realizing that means being the quarterback of the Detroit Lions?

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President Obama has been praising Abraham Lincoln a great deal recently, acknowledging that without Lincoln’s presidency, a black man might never have been elected President. With all due respect to and admiration for Lincoln, without George W’s efforts, a black man might not have been elected President.

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Too easy but…

Republicans are getting a little tired of the Obama-Lincoln comparisons. In fact today John McCain stood up and said “President Obama, I knew Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln was a friend of mine, President Obama, you’re no Abraham Lincoln.”

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Website for the octuplets?

February 12, 2009

Nadya Suleman, the mother of those in-vitro octuplets, has now got a website for people to donate money to help her take care of her now fourteen children.

What’s the site’s title? “Supportanutjob.com?”

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With all the struggles President Obama is having with a stimulus package, maybe an easy start would just be to have Michelle buy one new outfit a day, and post her picture in it on a website.

(Could in all seriousness jumpstart the clothing business)

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In these uncertain times, many Americans find themselves looking around for something stable. And yes, despite all the other changes in this world the past year, Brett Favre is still retiring.
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New toast in Green Bay – may your troubles last as long as Brett Favre’s retirements.

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Wells Fargo has been criticized for their plans to take executives on a junket to Las Vegas. In the bank’s defence, the blackjack tables might have been a better bet than some of their subprime mortgages.

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Basically many banks seem to have thrown millions and millions of dollars around casually, with little oversight or concern for results. Who did they think they were, the New York Yankees?

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In Mexico, Blockbuster Video was giving soccer fans voodoo dolls that were likenesses of American players before the two national teams met in a World Cup qualifier. To no avail. The U.S. shut out Mexico 2-0.

But come on, if voodoo really worked, wouldn’t the New Orleans Saints have won a Super Bowl or two by now?

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A-Rod and maybe real…

February 11, 2009

So the squeaky-clean guy who was supposed to take over Barry Bonds’ home run crown turns out to be dirty too. It’s as if we had replaced Bill Clinton as president with John Edwards.

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Some doubt A-Rod’s recent confessions. The newly tainted slugger is shocked…why shouldn’t American believe his “truth will set you free” statements, when he’s been lying about steroids for years.

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It’s a strange world when Jose Canseco becomes baseball’s moral arbiter.
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Actually, in 2007 Alex Rodriguez gave an interview to Katie Couric saying he never used or was tempted to use steroids. Well, this might turn out to be the second most damaging interview with Katie ever….

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And somewhere Sarah Palin is saying, wait a minute, how come HE gets a do-over?

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Good news for seniors. John McCain may have lost the presidential race, and Kurt Warner may have lost the Super Bowl, but hey, Stump, a ten-year old Springer Spaniel just won top honors at the Westminster Dog Show.

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Tim Geithner didn’t wave a magic wand and make the financial crisis go away. Congress is upset, had they known he was mortal they might have actually cared that he didn’t pay taxes.

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Is it just me, or as America seems to wait for a miracle from Treasury Secretary Geithner is there a voice somewhere saying “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain?”

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In the meantime, Barack Obama is thinking… Elizabeth Taylor had honeymoons that lasted longer than this.

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But to be fair, Barack Obama is like the man who has the job of trying to modernize the circus, at the same time as he has to clean up after the elephants.

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At this point, blaming Barack Obama for the country’s mess is like blaming Mike Singletary for the 49ers not making the playoffs.

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They’ve got a little list…

February 10, 2009

103 names still are unknown on the 2003 baseball steroid’s list. There haven’t been this many nervous men since Heidi Fleiss threatened to release her client list.

Many people say the real problem with steroids is that they don’t want children idolizing stars who succeeded by using artificial enhancements.. In fact, many parents may give up on baseball and just take their kids to the movies.

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If it turns out A-Rod was indeed taking steroids after 2003, we will learn something useful about the drugs – they don’t work in October.

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Joe Biden says that there is a 30 percent chance the stimulus program will not succeed. Remember when so many people wanted Barack Obama to choose Hillary for vice president, but there was a concern she might undermine him?

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Tiger Woods said last week that his return to tournament play depended on the his second child’s birth, which “takes precedent over anything I do golf-wise.”

His fellow golfers applauded that statement and suggest he take time to enjoy his new son, say, until Charlie is ready for kindergarten.

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