October | 2010 | Left Coast Sports Babe

Archive for October 2010

Halloween eve.

October 31, 2010

The Giants lost to the Rangers 4-2 in game three of the World Series. Given the lousy ratings, Fox may be have been disappointed. Once the series is over the network can show “Glee” and “House” reruns.

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You can’t make this stuff up – At a Nevada rally for Sharron Angle, John McCain, referring to the hotel room Reid keeps in D.C, said that on Election Day “we are going to kick Harry Reid out of his penthouse at the Ritz Carlton.” This from the man who couldn’t remember how many houses he has.

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Caifornians who voted the first time for Jerry Brown for Governor are wondering “Would Linda Ronstadt come back and sing at his inaugural?” Those voting for Brown for the first time are wondering “Who’s Linda Ronstadt?”

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Hundreds of thousands of people in D.C. for Jon Stewart’s rally. This weekend might be a record for the number of times “Washington” and “sanity” are used in the same sentence.

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And okay, not that it really matters who your fans are in baseball. But tonight’s crowd at the Ballpark at Arlington might have made a Tea Party rally look diverse.

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How improbable is it though? The Giants are still up 2-1, and their cleanup hitter, Pat Burrell, doesn’t have a hit in the World Series, and has struck out eight of nine at bats. Including four times tonight.

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And the worst part of tonight’s performance, Burrell didn’t want to DH because it would have affected his hitting.

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But okay Giants fans, thinking of REAL torture, here’s a memory for you – Shinjo at DH.

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(Burrell does, however, have two walks. Another beautiful aspect of baseball. When you really feel like you suck at hitting, there is always the option of daring the pitcher to have a worse day than you are having.)

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Another day, another “One day only sale” flier from Safeway. When did the grocery store turn into Macy’s?

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What’s the difference between theTexas Rangers and the U.S.? Well, at least with the Rangers most everyone agrees that they are much better off without George W. Bush in charge.

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Comments: 3 Comments

Decisions, decisions.

October 30, 2010

Minnesota coach Brad Childress said he will not decide until Sunday who will be the Vikings starting quarterback. Which means millions of sports fans around the world can now enjoy the delightful idea of Brett Favre thinking “Ah come on, can’t you just make up your mind?”

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It’s only a few days until the election. Christine O’Donnell, however, is not planning to campaign on October 31. Since it’s a religious holiday.

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Houston Texans owner Bob McNair had the team’s locker room searched to make sure no players were using banned PEDs. (performance enhancing drugs.)

Well, at least we know Rangers owner Nolan Ryan won’t be needing to do that for any members of his bullpen.

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In fact, Nolan Ryan will throw out the first pitch for game 3 of the World Series in Texas. And then Rangers coach Ron Washington has asked him to go immediately to the bullpen to be ready to warm up.

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MLB commissioner Bud Selig denied any disappointment with the Giants-Rangers World Series matchup, despite early low ratings. He added “I know FOX was happy and we were happy.” Right, and the performance-enhancing drug era in baseball is over.

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So let’s see, the favorites to play in the World Series were New York and Philadelphia, two major East Coast media markets. With A-Rod, Derek Jeter, Ryan Howard, and Roy Halladay.

And the end result was two teams with few players casual fans outside of SF and Texas recognize, except maybe “the pitcher kid with the hippie hair,” and Josh Hamilton.

So sure, FOX was thrilled. That’s about as likely as after the Series the network’s doing a show on the “major first term accomplishments of Barack Obama.”

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A t-shirt in Texas takes aim at Aubrey Huff’s “rally thong” by proclaiming “In Texas, only the players’ wifes wear thongs.” Well, considering the way the Rangers hit in games one and two, maybe they should consider a “Victoria’s Secret” run.

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There’s no love lost between Sarah Palin and Senator Lisa Murkowski. Said Palin, who said it was “shameful” for Murkowski to run as a write-in candidate. “Let’s call her the candidate for the entitlement party.” Guess Sarah is particularly upset since she’s the chair of that entitlement party.

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In only a few days Americans will finally get a break from political commercials. This break should last until the 2012 commercials start, which should be at least at least a few weeks.

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Roger Goddell said the NFL is seriously considering expanding to Europe. In San Francisco fans are suggesting, why don’t they just keep the 49ers there for a few years?

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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Brett Favre jokes, Christine O'Donnell jokes, election jokes, World Series jokes

Comments: 1 Comment

You might be a die-hard SF Giants fan if….

October 29, 2010

Your team wins two games in a row by a combined total of 13 runs, and you can’t stop worrying about when the serious torture is going to start.

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Viewers who tuned into Fox Thursday night about 1030 Eastern time were surprised to see what they thought was a scarier version of Glee’s “Rocky Horror” show. In reality it was just the Rangers’ bullpen.

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After the eighth inning, the P.A. system at A T and T played one of the Giants’ anthems – “Living on a Prayer.” Maybe the most apt line tonight “Halfway there.”

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Giants GM Brian Sabean has complained over the years about the “lunatic fringe.” Yeah, but that term describes a good portion of the 25 guys who just won the first game of the World Series.

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A few quotes of the night.

Texas coach Ron Washington about relief pitcher Derek Holland “I wasn’t expecting him to throw 12 balls in 13 pitches, It happened.”

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from an anonymous source, “Holland now has the title of ‘Walker, Texas Ranger.”

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And maybe the only even semi- funny thing I’ve ever heard Tim McCarver say, caught on a televised replay after the 8th inning. “The Giants have been winning with pitching. And they are again. Not theirs.”

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A couple more games like this and the Texas Rangers bullpen will be charged with impersonating major league pitchers.

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This just in from Bill Williams: Two wins in a row for the Giants. If this keeps up George W. Bush will be flying in with a “Mission Accomplished” banner.

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Brett Favre may have an ankle injury but he said today he still thinks he can play. Hasn’t that been his problem for years?

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Karl Rove said the Sarah Palin may not have the “gravitas” to be President. Responded Palin? How absurd, everybody has gravitas. And didn’t that Newton guy discover it?

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And non-partisan thought to close:

I admit I’m not a fan of the “Commit to Vote” messages. Yet it’s hard to imagine being so jaded you can’t find SOMETHING or SOMEONE (for or against) to care about on the ballot next Tuesday. Considering all the problems in this country, maybe the line should be “You should be committed if you don’t bother to vote.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: SF Giants jokes, Texas Rangers jokes

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Kryptonite in the rosin bag?

October 28, 2010

It’s as good an explanation as any for what happened to Cliff Lee of the Rangers Wednesday night.

Not that Tim Lincecum had that great an evening. Whoever said “Nothing beats a pair of aces” forgot to tell Giants and Rangers hitters before World Series game one.

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Cliff Lee came into the 2010 World Series with a 7 and 0 postseason record and a postseason ERA somewhere around 1. And he gave up seven runs, six earned, in four and two-thirds innings.

This was the most disappointing performance out of Texas since …when did the Cowboys play again?

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(Speaking of which, if you go to the Dallasnews.com site, run by Dallas’s top paper, the Dallas Morning News, there are several categories to click on – one is sports, another is Cowboys.)

Or in another vein – Lee’s performance was the most disappointing by a Texan on the national stage since George W. Bush was president.

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Just how odd was tonight? The Giants scored 11 runs tonight. Exactly their total in the four game ALCS in Atlanta.

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And not to say that the aging Vladimir Guerrero looked like he didn’t belong in right field, (two errors), but the idea looked about as logical as using Bengie Molina as a pinch-runner.

And reactions to watching Lincecum might depend on what side you are on for Prop 19 – legalizing marijuana:

Those against it, figured maybe his spacey performance in the first couple innings were a reason to vote no.

Those for it – “hey, thanks to whoever gave Timmy a brownie after the second.”

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Meg Whitman says she is standing by her decision not to pull negative ads. Why stop now? As the polls show, those expensive ads have been working so well for her….

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President Obama said on the Daily Show that his adminstration has done “an awful lot.” Well, however you feel about that statement, they did sure come into a lot of awful.

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Bill Littlejohn, after a Maine Coon Cat named Stewie was measured at 4 feet long and recognized by Guinness as the world’s longest cat: “The previous record was how long it took Terry Bradshaw to spell cat.”

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(And for those who’ve always wondered, or never wondered, about the history Guinness World Book of Records, it DID start out as a way to settle arguments in pubs, in fact, as a giveaway by Guinness Brewery.)

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Cornerback Perrish Cox of the Denver Broncos suffered a blow to the head during the third quarter of the Broncos 59-41 loss to the Raiders, and it completely wiped out his memory of the entire game. Denver fans wish they could say the same thing.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cliff Lee jokes, Cowboys jokes, World Series jokes

Comments: 2 Comments

Paul is dead.

October 27, 2010

Paul the (World Cup predicting) octopus has died at the age of 2 1/2. Apparently his last words were “The Giants and the Rangers in the World Series? NFW.”

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And no, Phillies fans aren’t still bitter about their team’s loss, and lack of hitting, in the NLCS. Today an article in Philly.com talked about Cliff Lee, and Philadelphia’s decision not to resign him last year. Said one happy fan “They should have kept him, he could have batted cleanup.”

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A Cleveland radio station hired a witch doctor to perform a pre-season hex ceremony on Lebron James. If the Heat get off to a bad start I can see new career opportunities if this Senate thing doesn’t work out for Christine O’Donnell.

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Not saying that Fox is disappointed with the Rangers vs. Giants World Series and the potential low ratings. But rumor has it the network has offered their affiliates the opportunity to pre-empt the games for “Glee” reruns.

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It’s enough to ALMOST make you feel sorry for the Golden State Warriors, who never get any respect in the San Francisco Bay Area. And this year their home opener? Wednesday, October 27. Nothing else going on in local sports that night….

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At least some good news for the Golden State Warriors as they open the new season. Thanks to the “Fourth and Niners” they are almost guaranteed not to be the sorriest story in Northern California sports.

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from Marc Ragovin:

So the NY Knicks have signed a marketing deal with 1800 Silver Tequila. Hey, the way they play these are gonna be the best shots in Madison Square Garden all season.

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On Wednesday pitcher Cliff Lee will make his second World Series game one start in a row. Last year he started for the Phillies, this year he starts for the Rangers, and next year, many expect him to start for the Yankees.

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SEC family values strike again: On September 14, University of Florida wide receiver Chris Rainey was arrested and charged with aggravated stalking for allegedly sending threatening texts to his girlfriend. Including one that said “Time to die.” This weekend, coach Urban Meyer says Rainey will be reinstated to the team. Hey, it’s a rivalry game with Georgia.

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Lebron James and his pals on the Heat lost their season opener to the Celtics 88-80. That’s really a shame, said absolutely no one outside Miami.

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I suppose Lebron James may have done some good for the league on television this year. As inspired by TC – wonder how many fans will tune into Miami games just because they can’t stand the Heat.

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In fact, it may only be the beginning of the season but the Miami Heat have done something few sports teams have been able to accomplish – become more hated than the Yankees.

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Joe Theismann said that Vikings’ coach Brad Childress should “man up” this weekend, and say, ‘Brett, sit down.’ ” While he’s at it, Childress should also probably say “Brett, put the phone down too.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Miami Heat jokes, NBA jokes, Paul the Octopus jokes, World Series jokes

Comments: 2 Comments

“Mama, don’t let your babies grow up to be Cowboys.”

October 26, 2010

At least not in Dallas these days.

It’s late October, and the SF Giants and Texas Rangers prepare to meet up in the World Series. After NFL week seven, the SF 49ers and Dallas Cowboys have something in common too – one win each.

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What makes Cowboys fans madder? The fact that Romo hasn’t been that effective and is now out for the season. Or the fact that there is really no way they can blame this one on Jessica Simpson.

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Bad officiating may have cost both the Miami Dolphins and Minnesota Vikings wins last weekend. Who do these refs think they are – MLB umpires?

(Actually on a serious note, for fans of instant replay, both mistakes, one on a disputed fumble that the Dolphins appeared to have recovered, and the other on a touchdown the Vikings receiver appeared to have caught, WERE reviewed and were still probably called wrongly. )

Since Benjie Molina played two months with the San Francisco Giants before he was traded to the Texas Rangers, he gets a ring no matter who wins.

Speaking of which, have heard Brett Favre just made another call, to Kobe Bryant for the name of his jeweler.

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Question of the day. If most sports fans agree that “good pitching beats good hitting,” why is everyone so shocked that the Phillies batted .216 in the NLCS?

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A-Rod was apparently been partying with Lebron James down in Miami. Well, makes sense they should be palling around – the Yankees are out and the Heat are playing preseason games. Hard to tell which of them has been more irrelevant this month.

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An article in the Wall Street Journal says that Giants ace Tim Lincecum looks like he is 14 years old. Not true. Lincecum looks like he is 16 at least. Now, catcher Buster Posey, he looks like he is 12.

Only 5 out of 27 picked the Rangers to beat the Rays. However, one of them picked the Rangers not only to win the ALCS but, and believe it or not, picked them to win the WS as well. That person was Amy Nelson. She is either

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About one week before the election. And is anyone else about at the point of saying “I don’t care what party you are from or what cause you are for, if you ‘robocall’ me I am going to vote against you?

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Meg Whitman is warning of dire economic consequences should Californians elect Jerry Brown. Well, there will be one consequence for sure – the state’s media businesses losing over $100 million a year from Meg’s self-funded campaign.

Meg Whitman begins her new ad: “I know many of you see this election as an unhappy choice between a longtime politician with no plan for the future and a billionaire with no government experience,”

And in Nevada with Sharron Angle running against Harry Reid, a lot of folks say to California “we’ll trade you.”

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commie pinko time below.

Carly Fiorina is running a television ad saying “I’m prepared to oppose my party when it’s wrong ad.”

On October 11, 2002, the Senate voted 77-23 to authorize President Bush to attack Iraq. One of those 23 was Barbara Boxer.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, Giants jokes, Meg Whitman jokes, World Series jokes

Comments: 8 Comments

Morning after…

October 25, 2010

You know you’ve been a Giants fan all year when… you woke up this morning and wanted to check the paper or online to make sure it really did happen, and Howard didn’t hit a walkoff homerun or something…

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Still don’t believe this is magic? Juan Uribe of the SF Giants…. 25 home runs total this year. And how many to the opposite field? One. Saturday night in Philly.

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We have all heard now how Christine O’Donnell says she is not a witch. Has anyone heard Bruce Bochy say he is not a warlock?

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Anyone in California feeling sorry for those Phillies fans should read some Philadelphia papers online. Those papers were indeed full of angst tonight, but it was more about the Eagles losing to the Titans.

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Headline in L.A Times today: “Giants ride hit charade to the World Series.” But let’s be fair, it must be hard for Los Angeles. Other than USC, the city hasn’t had a professional football team for years. This year they really didn’t have a professional baseball team either.

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Meanwhile, the now 1-6,San Francisco 49ers announced in a press release that contrary to expectations and popular belief, the team has discovered that are PLENTY of things that could be finer than to be in Carolina in the morning.

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49ers coach Mike Singletary thinks his 1-6 team can still make the playoffs. Playoffs? At this point San Francisco would be a longshot to be bowl-eligible.

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So the NFL is now sending the 1-6 49ers (who just lost to the previously winless Panthers) and the 2-5 Broncos (who just were destroyed by the Raiders) to play in London next week. Is this a game or an extradition?

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The 49ers lost two fumbles and an interception Sunday, the Broncos lost FIVE fumbles and an interception. Maybe because the British are used to football being soccer, the NFL decided to send them two teams who don’t regularly use their hands.

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Meg Whitman is decrying the practice of allowing students who are not legal immigrants to attend California universities, saying they are taking places from California citizens.

As opposed to kids whose places might be taken at places like Princeton because other students’ parents donate money to build new dorms?

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Meg Whitman’s new California ad states “I know many of you see this election as an unhappy choice between a longtime politician with no plan for the future and a billionaire with no government experience.”

Over in Nevada, however, where voters have the Senate choice between Harry Reid and Sharron Angle, the number one response to that ad “We’ll trade you.”

(In all seriousness, for those not following the Nevada race, well more than half of each candidates “supporters” say they wish they had someone else to vote for.)

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Giants jokes, Meg Whitman jokes

Comments: 4 Comments

And somewhere men are laughing…

October 24, 2010

And somewhere children shout. But there is no joy in Philly. Mighty Howard has struck out.

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Ryan Howard clearly didn’t read the late great umpire Durwood Merrill’s memoir “You’re out and you’re ugly too.”

In that book, Merrill said he had one response for batters who complained about a 3-2 called strike. “If it wasn’t a strike it was close enough. You think all these people paid their way in here to see you walk?”

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And perhaps apropos of nothing, but the Phillies payroll of almost $150 million? It will end up about the same amount of money Meg Whitman will spend on her California gubernatorial campaign.

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San Diego Padres pitcher Mat Lantos ridiculed the Giants late in the season by saying San Francisco had just gone out and “grabbed players from other teams.”

Well, sort of, except that the Padres themselves added Miguel Tejada and Ryan Ludwick. And more importantly the Phillies added Roy Oswalt, the Rangers added Cliff Lee, the Yankees (who wanted Lee) added Lance Berkman and Kerry Wood.

With all due respect, most playoff bound teams go shopping at Saks. The Giants went to the Rack and the Dollar Store.

(And as far as names, Ramirez, Lopez and Ross? Not exactly marquee talent. Not to mention Burrell who was picked up midseason, quite literally for almost nothing.)

Regarding Pat Burrell, who was flat out released by the Tampa Rays, at least they have a player on their payroll in the World Series.

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A tale of two LCS’s. The Rangers outscored the Yankees by 19 runs in their six games. The Giants won their LCS in six games by scoring 19 runs exactly. (The Phillies actually scored 20. But who’s counting?)

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NBA commissioner David Stern said that contracting (translation – eliminating) – some of the weaker teams could be a solution to the league’s financial problems. Which means the Timberwolves are likely on the list. When asked about how they felt about losing their NBA basketball team, fans in Minnesota responded “We have an NBA team?”

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Sacramento Kings fans are nervous that their team too could be contracted, leaving the area without a professional NBA basketball team. Clippers fans responded, “Welcome to our world.”

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If the Toronto Blue Jays ever make it back to the postseason would we still have to hear “God bless America”every seventh inning?

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Brett Favre apparently didn’t give up on Jenn Sterger after he left the Jets. According to the NY Post, Favre made a “recruiting call,” (how’s that for a PC term) to that former sideline reporter in 2009.

Who knew, despite all those interceptions, Brett’s most ill-conceived passes may have been off the field.

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Levi Johnston, the father of Sarah Palin’s grandson, told Bill Maher than he’s definitely running for mayor of Wasilla. Johnston also said he “is working on building a platform, although he didn’t offer specifics.”

Well, sounds like he’s already up to speed for sounding like an average politician.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Phillies jokes

Comments: 5 Comments

America’s team?

October 22, 2010

Are the Texas Rangers really now America’s team? Could be. Most of them are underpaid by MLB standards, the team declared bankruptcy earlier in the year, and they are much better off without George W. Bush in charge.

(for all non-hardcore baseball fans, before W. ran for governor and then President, he was the managing partner of the Rangers. And amongst other things, traded Sammy Sosa for Harold Baines.)

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Alex Rodriguez made the last out for New York in the ALCS. Particularly fitting since his salary is more than half that of the whole Rangers team. ($33 million to 55 million.)

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The headline in Saturday’s New York Post says “$210 million bust.” So thanks to the Yankees, Meg Whitman’s campaign may avoid this year’s dubious honor of being “Most money spent in a losing cause.”

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The Yankees, ever resilient, are considering filing for a roster rule change for 2011. Preferably to make the trade deadline the seventh inning stretch during postseason games.

And while the players themselves watch the World Series between naps and golf games, for management, still flush with free agent cash, the games will be shopping time.

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In fact, the Yankees especially wish Josh Hamilton and Cliff Lee well. And promise them a bigger ring when they win the 2011 World Series in pinstripes.

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Let’s hope none of those Chilean miners are casual baseball fans, if one of them hears that the New York Yankees are not going to the World Series because they were beaten by the Texas Rangers, they are likely to head to the doctor asking for medication to help with hallucinations.

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“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Who knew Nietzsche was an SF Giants fan?

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American Kamari Charlton, a former FSU Seminoles, may be punished by “caning” in Singapore after overstaying his 90 day visa by 169 days. Charlton must have been a math major at Florida State.

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According to CNN, Jeb Bush said Friday he isn’t running for president, but would support Sarah Palin if she were to run. I thought Jeb was supposed to be “the smart one.”

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When asked how she was coping with the allegations against her husband, Deanna Favre says: “I’m handling this through faith.” Upon hearing this Elin Nordegren sent Deanna a gift of golf clubs.

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And this is a groaner, I know, but – Former President Clinton is going to tail gate for some of his fellow Democrats this weekend. And if there’s anyone who knows “tails,” it’s Bill Clinton.

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In a rare public speech at a trade conference, former President George W. Bush said his greatest failure as a president was not privatizing Social Security. His remarks occasioned immediate requests for more pre-election speeches, from Democrats.

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Apparently there is talk in the airline industry of commercial passenger jets someday being flown solo. But it’s unlikely to happen. Most pilots don’t like to drink alone.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Giants jokes, Rangers jokes, Yankees jokes

Comments: 7 Comments

Okay, let’s be real here….(NLCS Game 5 postmortem edition)

October 22, 2010

While no one who roots for the 2010 version of the SF Giants is happy about tonight’s 4-2 loss to the Phillies, alas it has to be said. Anyone who really expected this team to sweep the Phillies at home and win the NLCS in five, clearly hasn’t been paying attention.

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So now, game six in Philadelphia Saturday. And the SF Giants haven’t beaten Roy Oswalt since…Wednesday night.

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Just when you think the whole Bay Area has caught playoff fever big time, I get this report from a client about her boss, who was calling the office (hands-free) from her car in SF, and said “Are the Giants playing tonight or something? There’s a really big traffic jam.”

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In game five, Tim Lincecum actually outpitched Roy Halladay. But a horrible third inning gave the Phillies three runs. The inning included a hit batter (who didn’t try to get out of the way), a bunt that was probably foul, third baseman Pablo Sandoval not touching third base to start a double play, and first baseman Aubrey Huff ‘channeling Brooks Conrad on a ground ball for a two run error.

Said Giants manager Bruce Bochy “We just didn’t play real crisp.” “Real crisp? Yeah, more like a six-month old open box of Rice Krispies cereal.

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From TC: “If Pablo Sandoval and Bengie Molina get any bigger, Greenpeace will be trying to save them.”

But okay, in the sour grapes department, Major League Baseball should either enforce this rule, or get rid of it:

6.08
The batter becomes a runner and is entitled to first base without liability to be put out (provided he advances to and touches first base) when (b) He is touched by a pitched ball which he is not attempting to hit unless (1) The ball is in the strike zone when it touches the batter, or (2) The batter makes no attempt to avoid being touched by the ball;

Phillies catcher Carlos Ruiz has been hit by pitches four times in the postseason, twice against the Giants. Tonight he didn’t even flinch, let alone move.

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“Fear the beard” has become an SF Giants mantra. Lincecum and Posey say they will join the party too. As soon as they are old enough to shave.

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Meanwhile, in college football, UCLA was trounced by Oregon 60-13, in a game remiscent of the Bruins’ earlier 35-0 loss to Stanford.

Yet, this UCLA team also managed to beat Houston 31-13, and upset then undefeated Texas 34-12.

No wonder the Longhorns didn’t follow through on their rumored plan to join the Pac 10. At this rate the only thing less popular than California college teams in the state of Texas just might be liberals.

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The newly formed Pac 12 will divide into two divisions for football, with Stanford, Cal, Oregon, OSU, Washington and WSU in the North, and UCLA, USC, Arizona, ASU, Colorado and Utah in the South. Apparently the plan fell through to move USC to where they really belong, the NFC West.

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Meg Whitman’s poll numbers in Calfornia have apparently plummeted with Latinos after the controversy with her former maid. Which brings up a reminder again, for all would-be politicians and sports stars: If you have ANY relationship, working or romantic, that you don’t want to see on the front page, make sure you end it on good terms.

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Open note to Carly Fiorina: If you are going to run ads saying “I’ll oppose my party when it’s wrong,” and you actually mean it, could you come up with just ONE example where you think the Republicans are wrong now ?

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Giants jokes, NLCS game 5

Comments: 1 Comment

Panda -monium.

October 21, 2010

Some people think watching sports is relaxing. These people are not SF Giants fans.

And after Juan Uribe’s walkoff sacrifice fly to give the Giants a 6-5 win – somewhere Jose Uribe is smiling.

(Jose was Juan’s uncle, part of the Giants’ great Uribe to Thompson to Clark DP combination in the 80s. Thompson and Clark were there tonight, Uribe was killed in a car accident some years ago.)

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Random thought for night: Jamie Moyer has gloves older than Madison Bumgarner.

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Of course no series is over til it’s over. Ask the 2004 Yankees or the 1968 Cardinals, for example. But still Giants fans have to love this column from Philly.com – written by a Daily News report about the Phillies after game four tonight:

” They won these games once. They took advantage of a little thing here, a little thing there, reversed imminent victories for the other team into series-altering losses. Not anymore. They are that other team now. Officially.

Officially. They run themselves into outs. They muff double-play ground balls, double-clutch on throws to the plate, watch third strikes pass by with runners in scoring position.

They tie the game, get a runner on second in the eighth inning with no outs last night, have their speedy shortstop at the plate, and don’t bunt the runner over.

here’s the link to the full story. With comments.

Officially. They run themselves into outs. They muff double-play ground balls, double-clutch on throws to the plate, watch third strikes pass by with runners in scoring position.

They tie the game, get a runner on second in the eighth inning with no outs last night, have their speedy shortstop at the plate, and don’t bunt the runner over.

http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/sammy/Phillies_finally_hit_but_hole_grows_deeper.html

My favorite so far is the guy who said “Oswalt had that 12 year old down 0-2 and couldn’t finish him?”

(that “12 year old” is Buster Posey, who my friend Michael Duca says “will be the best player in the NL by the time he is 14.)

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Note to any baseball writers, especially on the East coast, who voted for Jason Heyward as NL Rookie of the Year: The Giants graciously accept your apology.

(Ditto to anyone who predicted a Yankees or Phillies sweep in their respective Championship series…)

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Whichever side you are on, there are good reasons to be a Giants fan in California right now. Like this one – while they are winning it is possible to turn on the television and see something current, positive, and NOT another political commercial.

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Speaking of which, Meg Whitman likes to predict gloom and doom for California if we elect Jerry Brown Governor again. Well, whoever wins, I guess it’s true the state’s media outlets will take a hitmediaconomy will take a hit….without Meg pouring over $100 million a year into commercials.

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And one more nonbaseball item:

Pittsburgh Steelers lineback James Harrison is so upset about the new NFL rules about suspensions for dangerous hits that he claims he is thinking of retiring. This is the same Harrison who said “I don’t want to see anyone injured, but I’m not opposed to hurting anyone.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Phllies jokes, SF Giants

Comments: 3 Comments

New York State of Whine…

October 20, 2010

Yankees down 3-1 in the ALCS to Texas? This would never have happened while George Steinbrenner was alive. He would have just bought the whole Rangers team.

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Its not that Yankees players haven’t heard fans scream ‘Yankees suck” before. They just usually haven’t heard it in New York.

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Maybe when Jerry Jones proclaimed so loudly that a Dallas team would be playing for the championship, he should have specified what sport.

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And who’d a thunk that the Rangers might win – might have won – more games in October than the Cowboys will win all year.

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Stat of the night: Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter together make as much as the entire payroll of the Texas Rangers.

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For Giants fans, torture is an acquired taste. And bandwagon fans may not even realize it when they see it. Take today, when Brian Wilson induced a double-play grounder from Raul Ibanez to end the game and preserve a 3-0 SF win.

Longtime (or at least regular 2010) Giants fans just KNEW Wilson was going to let Ibanez get on base and bring Carlos Ruiz, the Phillies power-hitting catcher, to the plate as the tying run. Not that Brian wasn’t going to get Ruiz out. But we all expected it was going to be a lot closer to the edge.

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But meanwhile, the rumor was that Fox scheduled the Giants-Phillies game three for the absurd time of 119p, (419p eastern time.) so it didn’t interfere with their Tuesday night hit show.

Well if so, for this Tuesday at least there was still no Glee in Philadelphia.

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Okay, for the trade of the year as far as benefiting both teams, can I nominate the trade that sent Benji Molina to the Rangers? (And it doesn’t even matter that Chris Ray isn’t on the Giants playoff roster. The kid they replaced Molina with has done okay.)

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And whatever side you’re on in Calfiornia, and even if you don’t care that much about baseball, there is something about the Giants (so far) miracle postseason run. At least you stand a chance of turning on the television and seeing something positive as opposed to the near 24/7 political ads.

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Meanwhile, from the Windy City: Instead of going with Ryne Sandberg as expected, the Chicago Cubs chose interim manager Mike Quade, 535, to manage the club in 2011. Makes sense, the guy managed more than 2300 games in the Expos, Phillies, As and Cubs farm system. So he has experience in dealing with Triple A level talent.

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During their Delaware Senate debate Tuesday night Christine O’Donnell challenged her opponent Chris Coons “Where in the Constitution is separation of church and state?” Well, added to all those colleges she didn’t attend, I can only surmise the classes she didn’t take were in history.

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Details, details… Details, details. Sarah Palin recently sent out a tweet saying that Pennsylvania voters need to send Republican John Raese to the Senate. Except that Raese is the Republican nominee in West Virginia.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Giants torture, Palin jokes, Yankees jokes

Comments: 1 Comment

“Money can’t buy me love?”

October 19, 2010

The new Yankees theme song? One thing for sure, Monday night, it couldn’t buy them runs.

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Cliff Lee has now beaten the New York Yankees three times in a row in the post season, twice last year with the Phillies and tonight with the Rangers. But the Yankees, unfazed as always, have a plan – sign Lee to a mega multi-year free agent contract for 2011.

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(And if they don’t, can I bet on whatever team Lee is on August 1 making it at least to their league championship series?)

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Many New York viewers tonight were asking themselves one question – “When did the Mets bullpen put on pinstripes?”

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In Monday’s ALCS game, a six run ninth for the Rangers turned a close 2-0 game into an 8-0 blowout. And with the third out the uninitiated just heard a textbook definition of a Bronx cheer.

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Just wondering, if the Blue Jays ever make it back to the playoffs, will we have to go through the now ubiquitous seventh-inning version of “God Bless America?”

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On the other hand, there were rumors of Yankees fans throwing up in the ninth inning Monday night.

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And you think your life is rough: “To move to a whole new state is not fun — trying to figure out your family situation, figure out where you’ll be living, figuring out new routes to your work. That’s not fun.” So says a USA Today article quoting Lebron James.

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Attention parents of a certain age. A serious new opportunity to embarrass your children is on the horizon – October 26, “Glee” does “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” (Props of course, like toast, rice, newspaper, toilet paper etc, are optional.)

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The local media are full of stories today about the 49ers having San Francisco Bay Area bragging rights after beating the Oakland Raiders on Sunday. Isn’t that like bragging about being the winner of a spelling bee between George W. Bush and Dan Quayle?

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An actual serious comment for a change: Regarding all the increasingly violent collisions and resulting injuries in the NFL, one commentator said yesterday he didn’t know how to stop it, because the 15 yard penalties aren’t working. Here’s a suggestion: if you put someone on the disabled list with an illegal hit, you get suspended until he gets back. Period.

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Jackass 3D” was the big winner at the box office last weekend. As opposed to “Jackass 2D”, which was Brett Favre’s texting pictures of his junk.

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Apparently Brett Favre may lose some endorsements over his potential “sexting” scandal. On the brighter side, he could pick some up for junk food. (And yes, I know, probably In and Out burger.)

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The Vatican’s official newspaper has declared Homer Simpson is Catholic. Well, I guess as a father he’s less embarrassing than many of their priests.-

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As we approach game three of the NLCS, TC reminds Giants fans it was a successful trip to Philadelphia. “No one got puked on, and no one got tased.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Brett Favre jokes, Yankees jokes

Comments: 3 Comments

Weekend postmortem.

October 18, 2010

A thought regarding this Brett Favre alleged “sexting” controversy: it’s a good thing that camera cell phones weren’t around when Joe Namath was with the Jets.

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And to anyone who says “Character matters” to fans in the NFL, I give you Ben Roethlisberger, loudly cheered in his return from his four game suspension. Wonder how many of those happy fans have college-age daughters.

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Owner Jerry Jones said that despite the Dallas Cowboys’ 1-4 start there won’t be any midseason firings. Executions, maybe.

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Meanwhile, the previously 0-4 Carolina Panthers had their best week of the season. It was a bye-week.

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Giants baseball may be torture. Raiders-49ers football is just plain ugly.

Anyone want a reason to root for the Giants and Rangers to make it to the World Series? Here’s one: Because Fox really really wants a Yankees-Phillies matchup.

And reason number 2. – the Giants’ and Rangers’ payrolls together barely equal the Phillies (less if you don’t count Zito, who isn’t on the playoff roster.) And adding them together is still $50 million less than the Yankees.

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Cablevision subscribers in New York and Philadelphiat missed both Giants-Phillies baseball games, and the New York Giants football game due to a dispute between the cable company and News Corp (parent of Fox), that resulted in Fox channels being off the air for two days.

Bummer, but if this is going to keep happening, many New York Cablevision customers are saying, “Can’t the next off-air disruption happen election night?”

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“Undercover Boss” tonight featured an airline CEO going undercover and even cleaning bathrooms. The premise is just a bit unbelievable…. airlines clean their bathrooms?

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In their Nevada Senate debate last week, Sharron Angle told Harry Reid to “man-up.” Now, I’m not a huge Reid fan, but can you imagine the reaction had he told Angle to “act like a lady?” (Or even if he told her to “man-up?”)

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Meghan McCain said on ABC’s this week that Christine O’Donnell’s success scares her, because O’Donnell is “seen as a nutjob,” and “she is making a mockery of running for public office, with no real history, no real success in any kind of business.” Years from now we may decide the wrong McCain ran for president.

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Meghan also mentioned that O’Donnell had “no real success” in business. Which brings to mind Carly Fiorina, whose resume is mixed, but at her last two jobs, HP CEO, and economic advisor to John McCain’s campaign, she was fired…

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from Bill Littlejohn: “Reggie Jackson reportedly has an I.Q. of 160.When informed of this, Reggie said, ‘I’m the straw that stirs the think'”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, Favre jokes, Meghan McCain, NFL jokes

Comments: 3 Comments

Another #1 bites the dust….

October 17, 2010

Ohio State lasted all of one week at number one before they were knocked off 31-18 by the Wisconsin Badgers.

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Texas 7, New York 2. Texas’s bullpen held on. But as the game headed to the eighth, Rangers fans had to be united in one thought…. any chance Nolan Ryan might be available??

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Friday night, however, with a 5-0 lead over the Yankees in game one of the ALCS, Texas fans were hoping for a historic evening . As it turned out, historic, yes, kind of like the Alamo.

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According to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, a league official is expected to meet with Brett Favre this week. The league is apparently taking seriously the allegations that Favre sent “sext”messages to a reporter when he was with the Jets.

The details will be worked out once the league and Brett can work out a mutually agreeable time between his regular nap and the “Early Bird special.”

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Okay,even if Tim Lincecum never wins another post-season game (unlikely), he might win the award for best respond to playoff heckling. After receiving a game’s worth of wolf-whistles and cat-calls for his long hair, Lincecum’ s response was “I must have a really nice butt.”

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The San Jose Sharks, despite an early 2-0 lead, lost their home opener to the Atlanta Thrashers 4-2. On a brighter note, fans know that despite it being October, the Sharks are already in playoff form.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Lincecum jokes, playoff jokes

Comments: 2 Comments

Televised torture…

October 16, 2010

Fox baseball analyst Tim McCarver came out against instant replay, saying it “will kill the pace of the game.” You know what already kills the pace of the game? Listening to Tim McCarver.

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(Actually McCarver doing color for the NLCS will do his part to help the Giants live up to their “Giants baseball torture” billing. At least the torture part. And then between innings we get political commercials. Shouldn’t this be reported as a violation of the Geneva convention?)

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My friend Alex Kaseberg has a Tim McCarver imitation: “What some people forget is that a baseball is round. And the bat is round. So you gotta hit a round thing with another round thing. That’s hard.”

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But announcing aside, baseball’s all about the day-to-day grind, 162 games in 6 months, no real breaks. So part of the drama is the war of attrition and which players can fight through exhaustion and nagging injuries. Then then we get to the post season…. with no games for DAYS. Thank you FOX and Bud Selig.’

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‎So in game one of the ALCS, 5-0 Texas lead going to the 7th, turns into a 6-5 Yankees win. How many other Giants fans were having painful flashbacks to World Series game six?

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While there were many pitching goats out of the bullpen for the Rangers, the biggest horns may belong to Darren Oliver, 40, who came in with a 5-2 lead, and walked the only two batters he faced.

That’s what can happen when you bring in an inexperienced young guy in the playoffs, said Jamie Moyer.

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Another sign it’s just too long between games in the playoffs….. Heard today on the radio, “The Giants will have a good chance in the NLCS if they can outscore the Phillies…”

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Apparently Paramount is working on a sequel to Top Gun. Wonder if it will open up with “Maverick” and “Charlie” meeting up again while cruising gay bars….?

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In a new video, Justin Bieber apparently criticizes Tom Brady’s hair in a new video. Isn’t that like Sarah Palin criticizing Christine O’Donnell’s knowledge of current events?

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Meanwhile, Sarah Palin was in Northern California, and during a speech in San Jose she accused Democrats of being like “permanent residents of a unicorn ranch in fantasyland” and talked about them using “pixie dust.”

Hmm, sounds like someone might have had a pre-speech meeting with “California Republicans in Favor of Proposition 19.”..

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The University of Georgia has a new mascot, UGA VIII, a 13 month old English bulldog, who will make his first appearance at the school’s homecoming game against Vanderbilt. According to the school’s athletic director ” As our mascot he represents everything we want our student-athletes and fans to be … proud, loyal, tenacious and relentless.

The jury’s out as to whether UGA VIII aka Big Bad Bruce) will help the school turn around what has been a difficult year for the football team. But at least he can probably get through the year without being arrested.

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Years ago, after a rough 49ers loss, San Francisco mayor Willie Brown called quarterback Elvis Grbac an “embarrassment to humankind.” Hmm. Maybe nobody had better ask Willie what he thinks of Alex Smith.

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Sports headline: Favre questionable for Vikings. Well, his behavior for sure. And here the pundits were worried about Randy Moss being a distraction.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Giants jokes, Tim McCarver jokes

Comments: 2 Comments

A few notes…

October 14, 2010

Open note to Tea Party and anti-government types. Regarding those Chilean miners. Private enterprise got them in there, a government-led rescue operation, aided by other countries, got them out.

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Interesting parallels between the Chilean miners and the San Francisco 49ers. The miners were just rescued from underground, the 49ers will probably be buried again next Sunday.

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Meg Whitman has now spent $140 million on her campaign for governor in California. At this rate she will easily eclipse the 2010 record for spending in a lost cause – $146 million, which was the payroll of the Chicago Cubs.

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Meg Whitman did say on CNN that she was finally going to accept Jerry Brown’s apology for the slur his wife may have used, and that ” it’s time to talk about the issues.”

Translation, the only people who really cared about the “whore” comment were the ones who thought Jerry’s wife was right.

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Federal prosecutors in Detroit were embarrassed to find out that a man they had charged with running an illegal lottery is actually dead. In their defense, apparently the man did just vote in Chicago.

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Two women were kicked out of a Baltimore Ravens game for kissing in a concession line. Male fans of at least 20 other teams have since invited the women to come attend a game at THEIR stadium.

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Meanwhile, to highlight “Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the White House was lit up with pink light on Thursday. Bill Clinton has allegedly volunteered to do his part too, offering free manual breast exams.”

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Ines Sainz, the TV reporter who was harassed by the Jets, said she would no longer do interviews in NFL locker rooms as “It’s not a good place right now for me.” Sainz was wearing a sequined mini skirt and blouse at the time. With all due respect, NFL locker rooms are probably not a good place for anyone, male or female, wearing a sequined miniskirt.

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Christine O’Donnell has exaggerated her college studies, and when asked, could not think of a single Supreme Court decision she disagreed with. But she says if elected, she will “defend the Constitution.” Defend it? Why should we think she has even read it?

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Privately, John McCain was appalled that Christine O’Donnell couldnt even name one recent Supreme Court case. Jeez, he reportedly fumed privately, she couldn’t have even said “Dred Scott”?

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Meanwhile, you’ve got to love Carly Fiorina’s “Party doesn’t Matter” ad against Barbara Boxer. Especially at the end where it says “Paid for by the Republican Senatorial Committee.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Christine O'Donnell jokes, Meg Whitman jokes, Meg Whitman whore jokes

Comments: 2 Comments

Miracles and beyond…

October 14, 2010

At least one of the formerly trapped miners in Chile apparently had a wife AND mistress waiting for him upon his return. In related news, Gloria Allred is on a plane to Santiago.

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More than half the Chilean miners have now been rescued. This is the biggest miracle of the year, or at least since the Detroit Lions won a game on Sunday.

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Gilbert Arenas was fined Wednesday for faking being injured to avoid playing in the Washington pre-season opener. Wonder how long it will take other members of the Wizards to be fined for faking being an NBA team?

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Brett Favre said he would consider sitting out a game because of tendinitis in his elbow. Hmm, knew you could get tennis elbow -is this the first known case of “texting elbow?”

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One more in the never-ending story where a Jerry Brown staffer called Meg Whitman a “whore” for her behavior with the police officers’ union. A member of the Sex Workers Union stated, “No way is this allegation true, we whores have better hair.”

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A quote from Nietzsche that may resonate with frustrated Democrats this November : “At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid.”

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You cannot make this stuff up dept: New York gubernatioral candidate Carl Paladino has made some nasty gay slurs. But apparently back in Buffalo he collected rent from gay clubs, had a son who RAN such a club, and was seen more than once in lesbian bars… What’s next, a “wide stance?”

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back to baseball:

Cliff Lee, traded from Seattle in July, Roy Halladay, traded from Toronto last December, C.C. Sabathia, signed as a free agent from Milwaukee in December 2008… The SF Giants have the only “home-grown” game one starter left this year in baseball. (And in fact, ALL four playoff starters came up with the Giants. We won’t talk about Zito.)

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From Marc Ragovin, about the Rangers-Rays series. “Ya know, for a minute there watching Cliff Lee pitch to Carl Crawford in the ALDS I thought I was watching a Yankees 2011 preseason intrasquad game.”

(This would be funnier if it weren’t likely true.)

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Asked to name a recent Supreme Court decision she disagreed with, Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell stumbled and finally couldn’t think of one. In her defense, she said while running for office she really hasn’t had time to watch tennis matches.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Chilean miners jokes, miners jokes

Comments: 1 Comment

About those penalty kicks…

October 13, 2010

Halladay-Lincecum for game one of the NLCS Saturday night in Philadelphia. Presumed over-under on the game in Vegas? One and a half.

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(A few weeks ago I wrote the Padres-Giants race for the division title might be decided by penalty kicks… on Saturday night, for the Phillies-Giants game, it could happen.)

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And once this torture trip of a season is over, how long will it take for the SF Giants to become the official major league baseball team of Prilosec?

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Meanwhile, in the AL, the Rangers-Rays ALDS series was notable because NEITHER team won a home game. In fact, they both had the best ratio of road to home scoring since a young Bill Clinton first hit the campaign trail.

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But congratulations to the 1961 expansion Washington Senators, now the Texas Rangers, for their first ever playoff win, and advancing to the ALCS. (And in a nice touch of irony, the original Washington Senators, who left Washington after the 1960 seasons to become the Minnesota Twins, was swept in the first round.)

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And in all seriousness, add to the nice gesture the Giants made of applauding Bobby Cox during their celebration Tuesday, the Texas Rangers’ starting their clubhouse celebration with ginger ale. (Josh Hamilton ,a team star, has admitted serious substance abuse issues, and doesn’t feel comfortable now even just being doused in alcohol.)

The Rangers brought out the hard stuff later, but Hamilton was at least able to get wet. And presumably, sticky.

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As if folks in the San Francisco Bay Area needed any more reason to hate Fox…. they give us Joe Buck and Tim McCarver to call the Giants-Phillies series. And a 119p start time Tuesday for the first NLCS home game.

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University Georgia tailback Caleb King became the 11th Bulldog to be arrested this SEASON. On the brighter side, in the interest of efficiency, Georgia huddles can now double as probation hearings.

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From Bill Littlejohn: A statue of King Tut’s grandfather has been unearthed in Egypt. So, was it wearing a Packers or Vikings jersey?

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The SF 49ers have said that their offense again next week will be led by Quarterback Alex Smith. Well, makes some sense, Smith is likely to lead the team to another number one draft pick.

In the last California gubernatorial debate between Meg Whitman and Jerry Brown, of course the “whore” question came up. Shame the -debate wasn’t being moderated by a real expert, like Eliot Spitzer.

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At least Jerry’s wife/aide/whoever simply called Meg a “whore. While Whitman is going on about how offensive women find that word, I, and most of my women friends, can think of about half a dozen that are worse.

(And for anyone who’s read the internet stories about her family, it’s a bit ironic that Whitman won’t let his one go. Google her sons and their high school and college careers for some rumors that do not exactly bespeak delicate sensibilities.)

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The Republican party is pouring money into California in hopes of helping Carly Fiorina unseat Senator Barbara Boxer. Here’s an alternative suggestion – if the GOP really cares so much about winning that Boxer’s seat, why don’t they actually nominate a reasonable semi-moderate candidate to run against her?

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Giants torture jokes

Comments: 3 Comments

Giants baseball – okay, what’s BEYOND torture?

October 12, 2010

In the NLCS, fans may be about to find out. (This is of course supposed to be fun. )

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SF’s hitting hero, if you can have a hitting hero in a series where you score 11 runs, and win 3 of 4 games, is Cody Ross. Who hit a critical home run and an RBI single.

Ross was actually picked up in August, , not because the Giants wanted his bat, but simply to keep the San Diego Padres from getting him off waivers.

Proving something that women sports fans may understand more than men. .. sometimes spite is its own reward.

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And only for fans of Marathon Man will this make sense – “Giants baseball, is it safe?

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On a brighter note, the Giants may soon become the official team of the American Dental Association.

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For Giants fans, it was a thrilling NLDS, for Braves fans… let’s just say the town hasn’t seen such a weak defense since a guy named Sherman showed up….

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Note to Atlanta fans, if you can’t fill your own stadium when the Braves are facing a playoff elimination game, and when your Hall of Fame manager might be managing his last game, you don’t deserve to see your team go on to the NCLS. (and yes, there were several thousand empty seats, by official count about 6,000, but maybe more.)

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But with Cox retiring, in a perfect world, can he take the Tomahawk Chop with him?

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Anyone looking for a team to root for, or rather root against, during the playoffs? Here’s some numbers. The payroll numbers for three of the teams left in the postseason- the SF Giants, the Texas Rangers and the Tampa Bay Rays, TOGETHER are barely over the the $206,000,000 million plus paid out by the NY Yankees.

2010 Numbers for the teams that are left, for what it’s worth:

New York Yankees: $206 million

Philadelphia Phillies: $142 million

SF Giants: $97 million

Tampa Bay Rays: $71 million

Texas Rangers: $55 million.

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Meanwhile, the Boston Red Sox $162 million, and the Chicago Cubs, $146 million. Thereby assuring that the $150 million Meg Whitman is spending for her run to be California governor just might not be the biggest waste of money this year.

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From Gary Morton: Disappointed that the Atlanta paper didn’t lead with a “Conrad delivers Braves to the heart of darkness” type of headline. (Yes, okay, this may not make sense to non-English majors.)

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Google is testing a driverless car. But will it be able to text, feed you, and do your makeup?

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Brett Favre reportedly apologized to his Vikings teammates for the sexting allegations against him. Favre said he didn’t want to be a “distraction” to the team, at least until the offseason when he goes through the whole retirement decision again.

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But speaking of potentially insanely stupid texts. Jed York, owner of the 0-5 San Francisco 49ers, texted to ESPN “We’re going to win the division.” With all due respect, he’s going to need to do more than “dabble” in witchcraft to make that happen.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Brett Favre jokes, Giants torture, Giants torture jokes

Comments: 4 Comments

Left Coast Sports Babe