Archive for April 2010

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Frozen Four.

April 10, 2010

For the uninitiated the Frozen Four is the title for the NCAA’s hockey championship, this year held at Ford Field (home of the Detroit Lions).

Some things the Frozen Four is not…

Nancy Pelosi and her girlfriends having a post-Botox treatment lunch.

Anything involving Hillary Clinton and three of her colleagues.

The last remaining fans at a Candlestick Park extra innings game.

The last remaining fans at Wisconsin’s 8-1 drubbing of the Rochester Institute of Technology.

(and yes, who knew the Rochester Institute of Technology had a hockey team. Heck, until a few weeks ago who knew Butler had a basketball team?)

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Most Americans won’t really pay any attention to the Frozen Four final game tomorrow night, which is between Wisconsin and Boston College. Now, if the winner could only play against some international team that wanted to win really badly, and the U.S. team could beat them, well, then Americans could care. For at least fifteen minutes.

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Anybody else watch the latest Nike – Tiger Woods commercial and half-expect to hear the voice of James Earl Jones intoning “Tiger, I am your father.”

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Italy’s Matteo Manassero, age 16, has now become both the youngest person to play at the Masters, and the youngest to make the cut.

16 years old?!!! There are probably a dozen whiskies in the Masters’ clubhouse bar older than that.

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Prince Charles’ wife Camilla apparently broke her leg yesterday. Wonder how many furlongs she was running?

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Former 49ers star Jerry Rice threw out the ceremonial first pitch at the San Francisco Giants’ home opener today. The Oakland A’s thought of asking JaMarcus Russell to do the same, but they didn’t have enough liability insurance.

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President Obama stated he “really had no response” to Sarah Palin’s criticizing his agreement with Russia restricting nuclear weapons. “Because last I checked, Sarah Palin’s not much of an expert on nuclear issues.” And Palin responded indignantly “But I can see the missile silos from my house.”

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Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens is retiring at the age of 89. And Brett Favre commented, “So young!”

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And a tacky finish. Sandy Lyle, 52 years old, had a great first round at the Masters, and a horrible second round. In fact, he went from a 69 to an 86.

Probably just my sick mind but doesn’t going from a 69 to 86 sound like a short version in numbers of Tiger’s extracurricular activities leading to him being fired from most of his endorsement deals?

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Thoughts between Tiger updates…

April 9, 2010

Tiger Woods is surrounded by 90 bodyguards at the Masters to assure that no member of the public can get close to him. Hmm, if he had done this a few years ago, maybe he wouldn’t be in the mess he’s in now.

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A new study says that drinking too much soda may cause sexual problems for men. Sounds like instead of Gatorade, in the long run things for Tiger might have gone better with Coke.

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Congratulations to Brett Favre, who is now a grandfather. Favre made the announcement and said he was very happy, but for some reason his daughter didn’t want his help in deciding what to name the baby.
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Jon Gosselin is now saying his children are being neglected, and so is suing his ex-wife Kate for custody of their children. Apparently he thinks that his nannies are better than her nannies.

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Former Redskins star quarterback Joe Theismann was interviewed on NFL Radio and said of Jamarcus Russell. “He’s inaccurate and he’s too big. And he doesn’t thrown the ball well.” Stay tuned tomorrow when Theismann tells us that Brett Favre is a little indecisive.

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Butler rewarded their young coach Brad Stevens with a 12 year contract for leading the Bulldogs to the NCAA championship game. 12 years?!!! Wow. By the time his contract is up Stevens might be old enough to shave.
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Whatever you think about Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, she routinely wins re-election in San Francisco with 80 percent of the vote. But two Republicans are running against her this year, and may raise over $1 million, largely based on contributions from outside of California. And the GOPs says Democrats waste money?

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Sarah Palin is now saying “I support Michael Steele. I am glad he is the leader of the party, administratively,” Translation, with him running the GOP you don’t hear so much any more about that $50,000 I spent on clothes.

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Umpire Joe West has complained publicly about the Red Sox and Yankees’ slow play during their opening series, when all the games went almost four hours. On the other hand, considering the ticket prices at Fenway, maybe the teams felt like they were just trying to reduce the entertainment cost per minute.

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Apparently the iPad has problems connecting to wi-fi. Not to worry, Apple will no doubt have a new version to make these and other issues obsolete in six months.

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Tiger, Tiger…

April 8, 2010

Starting tomorrow, nonstop media analysis of the question ‘Is the media making too much of Tiger Woods’ return?”

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This one is tacky – Some say that the whole circus atmosphere surrounding Tiger Woods’ return is reminiscent of the O.J. Simpson case, without of course, anyone being murdered. And Elin Woods is thinking to herself, not if my swing was better.

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Augusta National Golf Club chairman Billy Payne criticized Tiger Woods for disappointing fans, saying “he forgot to remember that with fame and fortune comes responsibility, not invisibility.” Strong words from the head of a club that refused to intergrate until 1990 and still prohibits women members.

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Apparently the Chicago Cubs now have the most expensively priced regular tickets in Major League baseball, having overtaken the Yankees and Red Sox. Makes sense though, the Cubs need to do something to compensate for that lack of post-season revenue.

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A United Airlines flight from Washington, D.C. to Denver had to land with a fighter jet escort tonight. Apparently a Qatari diplomat caused a bomb scare by trying to smoke in an airline bathroom. Suggestion to add to the airline’s buy-on-board list? Nicorette gum.

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Apparently the diplomat will not face criminal charges. But isn’t it time to make criminal stupidity at least a misdemeanor?

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Just how much is Duke’s men’s basketball team considered an “Evil Empire?’ Apparently even the New York Yankees were rooting for Butler.

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The Washington Redskins so dominate the news in our nation’s capital, that on opening day for the Nationals, all the media talk was about Donovan McNabb. Apparently Bud Selig was watching local television and turned his set off in disgust. Which, ironically, was the same thing fans did who actually started watching the Nationals game.

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The San Francisco Giants have started the season 3-0. And for those Giants fans who think it couldn’t be better. The Los Angeles Dodgers are 0-2.

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The Toronto Maple Leafs will finish 29th out of 30 teams in the NHL this year. Many hockey fans are shocked….there’s a team worse than the Leafs?

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Tim Horton’s, a Canadian doughnut chain, has introduced a breakfast sandwich which comes in at about 530 calories. The Toronto Star described it as “packing a calorie wallop.” Many Americans would consider it an appetizer.

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April madness?

April 7, 2010

The NCAA basketball tournaments are done. So for fans of Madness now the best options may be to root for this to be the Chicago Cubs’ year, or for the Sharks to finally make it through the playoffs.

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President Obama’s first pitch before the Nationals’ home opener has been universally panned as not one of his best. But give the guy credit, he threw harder than Jamie Moyer.

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Jamie Moyer, 47, made the Phillies final roster as the fifth starter. He made his major league debut in 1986, and has been in professional baseball ever since. In fact, though he has taken some turns in the minors, Moyer has never once, ever briefly, announced his decision to retire. “Amateur!”, says Brett Favre.

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Milwaukee Brewers owner Mark Attanasio has been complaining publicly about his team struggling to sign first baseman Prince Fielder, while the New York Yankees seem to have an unlimited budget. Yankees president Randy Levine told Attanasio to quit whining, and politely suggested he eat cake.

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Los Angeles mayor Antonio Viillaraigosa hopes to solve the city’s budget crisis by shutting down all city services twice a week. Which means many city employees will essentially end up working a little more than half their scheduled hours. Sort of how the Lakers approach the regular season.

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Golden State Warriors’ head coach Don Nelson had a chance to pass Lenny Wilkens for the most all-time wins in the NBA Tuesday night, but his team fell short 112-94 against the now 24-53 Washington Wizards.

On a brighter note, by not having his record setting win be against the Wizards, Nelson does avoid an asterisk.

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Meg Whitman has already spent $59 million of her own money on a campaign to become Governor of California. This could turn out to be the biggest waste of money in the state since the Dodgers gave a two-year $45 million contract to Manny Ramirez.

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The victorious UConn women’s basketball team will get a White House visit, but Stanford did get a consolation post-game visit from VP Joe Biden. Although as a Cardinal fan I have to think, darn shame Biden didn’t go to the Huskies’ locker room at half-time for a few encouraging words – the UConn players might have missed most of the 2nd half.

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great line from my friend Jim Barach:

“Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens says he will decide soon on when he will retire. He turns 90 this month. He had better decide soon on everything.”

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The conclusion of Holy Week?

April 6, 2010

It’s been quite a Holy Week for a broad spectrum of Americans – what with Passover, Easter, Opening Day…

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With the NCAA men’s final in Indianapolis, Duke was, to put it mildly, not popular. I think there were more fans in your average Star Wars movie audience rooting for Darth Vader.

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Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski told ESPN.com that he “I wouldn’t have any interest” in the job of coaching the New Jersey Nets, no matter what salary he was offered. And Coach K has a point, in next year’s NCAA tournamnent, the Nets probably would be no more than a six seed.

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Donovan McNabb denies that he said if traded to the Raiders he would retire. He simply said if he was sent to Oakland it would mean he would be done with professional football

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Barack Obama heard some boos amongst the cheers when he threw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals’ home opener today. On the brighter side, he heard less boos than the Nationals pitching staff.

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Senator John McCain said today “I never considered myself a maverick.” For a man who wanted to be in President Obama’s shoes, these days McCain seems better suited to John Kerry’s flip-flops.

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Opening night…

April 5, 2010

Yes, baseball season has officially started. With the Yankees vs. the Red Sox on ESPN Sunday night. So good of the league to use a high profile opening Sunday night game to showcase two small market teams.

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The Yankees’ actually blew a 5-1 lead in the opening game of the season, as the Red Sox eventually got to C.C. Sabathia for five runs and then tacked on four more against New York relievers. Which wasn’t that upsetting to Yankees fans. They’ll just start looking to buy a new bullpen.

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Bud Selig has a new committee to find ways to improve Major League Baseball. Here’s hoping their first selection is “Get rid of Bud Selig.”

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Back to basketball: On Easter Sunday, as Butler prepared for the NCAA tournament final, the team prayed for another miracle – like the referees calling fouls on Duke.

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Throughout the NCAA’ tournament, teams and players have credited God for their success. And today God responded “Don’t look at me, I sure didn’t have Duke-Butler.”

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The official drink of the NCAA Final Four this year is Coke Zero. How appropriate – Zero is about the number of people with even reasonably accurate brackets.

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Anything can happen, but anyone else think after watching this weekend’s game that the real national championship ought to be between the Duke men and the UConn women?
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Question for the night – Which black leader now has a bigger mess to try to clean up in Washington – Barack Obama or Donovan McNabb?

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Sunday headline on SI.com -“Tiger makes low-key arrival at Augusta National.” I guarantee this will be the only time this week the words “Tiger” and low-key” will be used in the same sentence

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Brook Lopez left Stanford early to play for the New Jersey Nets. Winners now of 11 games. And had he only stayed at Stanford he might have led the this year’s team all the way to the NIT.

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This will only make sense to “House” fans. But actor Kai Penn is apparently leaving his White House job. Which means Kutner died for nothing.

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A subtle classy joke from Alex Kaseberg: John Edwards’s mistress, Rielle Hunter, said she doesn’t like the word “mistress.” Maybe she would prefer the term: adulterer hose-bag skank-bucket?

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Happy Easter.

April 4, 2010

For many Americans, Easter is the holiest day on the calendar. Well, besides Opening Day.

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Congratulations to Butler. But how young is their coach Brad Stevens? He had to cut his post-game celebrations off early to get home to wait for the Easter Bunny.

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Butler won 52 to 50 despite going almost 11 minutes without a field goal. At one point many fans were checking to see if there was a hockey game on a different channel in hopes of seeing some actual scoring.
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Congrats also to the Cal women, who won the NIT women’s basketball title game 73-61 over Miami. So what do you yell when you win the NIT? “We’re number 65?!”

Groaner time…

It’s the time of year when many Americans, not only children, are dreaming of chocolate eggs and rabbits. And realizing, “you’re nobunny ’til somebunny loves you.”
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Okay, who thought this would happen simultaneously in our lifetimes? The President of the United States is black…and most of the players on the NCAA men’s basketball teams playing for the national championship are white.

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Apparently Callaway Golf will award a full set of its new Diablo Edge clubs to any player in major league baseball who hits a home run at least 470 feet. But what about those other players they couldn’t do it without – Pitchers. Shouldn’t they have a chance to win a prize for giving up such a home run? Barry Zito could end up with this own driving range.

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Actually, another interesting question about these prizes for home runs. How long before Calloway limits the prize to home runs NOT hit at Yankee Stadium?

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Rudy Giuliani is trying to pay back Governor Charlie Crist for not endorsing him in the Florida presidential primary, by endorsing Crist’s conservative opponent, Marco Rubio, in the Republican Senate primary. Well that ought to help Rubio with the Floridians who voted for Giuliani, both of them.

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From Bill Littlejohn, after Carrie Underwood, engaged to NHL player Mike Fisher, announced that the ring bearer will be her pet Chihuahua: “So who’s catering the wedding, Taco Bell?”

(and I have to wonder, what’s the title of the wedding video going to be? Legally Married Blonde? )

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Hoppin’ along the Bunny trail…

April 2, 2010

In Glendale, California, police officers used a policeman in a bunny outfit to decoy bad drivers at crosswalks and to cite those who didn’t stop. Good thing they didn’t try this with Sarah Palin in town, she might have shot him.

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A twisted thought for Easter weekend – Love may fade, but marshmallow peeps are forever.
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The roughest part of this weekend for President Obama is his youngest daughter being old enough that he has to tell her there’s no Easter bunny. This might be one of the saddest moments in the White House since Dick Cheney told George W. there’s no Santa Claus.
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The White House Easter Egg Roll is Monday. It’s one of the events George W. Bush misses the most now that he is not President. But Laura is coloring some eggs to roll for him.

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The man who was first in line waiting for the iPhone at the New York City Apple Store in 2007 is back. He is now the first person waiting in line for Saturday’s release of the iPad. Let me guess, he didn’t have to cancel a date to do this.

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Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers says he “forgot” he had a loaded gun in his carry-on bag at the airport. And they accuse women of not knowing what’s in our purses.

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The latest opposition to the Oakland As moving to San Jose comes from the San Jose Sharks. I guess they don’t want another team around that actually wins games in May.

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The best thing about all this hype about Butler playing a home game in the Final Four. It allows all the fair-weather bandwagon jumpers to assert, “Yes, they do know the team they are rooting for, and they actually know where it’s located.”

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Can’t yet believe that the NCAA wants to expand March Madness to 96 teams. With college-level basketball play already at its worst level in recent memory. On the bright side, maybe there will be room for the New Jersey Nets.

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The Nets are so happy that they actually have won 10 games. Out of a 82 game season. At this point that puts them only three regular season wins behind the New Orleans Saints.

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How embarrassing.

April 2, 2010

Apparently the Republican National Committee accidentally listed a phone-sex number on a fundraising letter sent to potential donors. And across America husbands are telling wives who found their credit card statements “Really, honey, I was just trying to donate to the Republicans.”

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The RNC accidentally listed a phone sex number on one of their fundraising solicitations. How potentially embarrassing! There are now all these phone sex workers who are afraid their parents might think they work for the Republican party.

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California senate candidate Carly Fiorina was embarrassed earlier this week by sending a Passover greeting to her supporters which talked about “breaking bread” with friends and families. (Leavened bread is prohibited during Passover)

Fiorina apologized if any of her Jewish supporters and staff were offended, and said that in honor of the holiday, she promised to order all her campaign offices a specially made lunch of matzo-crusted pepperoni pizza.

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Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers was arrested at the Cleveland Airport when TSA officials found a loaded .45-caliber hand gun in his carry-on bag. Even Gilbert Arenas said “Dude, what were you THINKING?”

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So what was the origin of April Fool’s Day? One guess, it started at Wrigley Field on Opening Day when a sellout crowd all insisted “This is our year to win it all.”

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Of course, how many people in Chicago think that “Passover” just commemorates another year that a championship has passed over the Cubs?

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According to Butler coach Brad Stevens, even though his local team is staying at a hotel Thursday and Friday night before their first Final Four game, the players still were shuttled to class Thursday and Friday morning. Said Duke’s Coach K and Michigan State’s Tom Izzo. “That’s discipline.” Said West Virginia’s Bob Huggins “What’s class?”

(For four of the years when Huggins was at Cincinnati he had a ZERO graduation rate.)

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President Obama apparently had a very productive conversation with Chinese President Hu about the nuclear summit while Air Force One was idling on the ground at Andrews Air Force Base. If talking from a plane on the tarmac produces good results, just think what Obama could accomplish if he started flying JetBlue

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Watching an ad for California Prop 16 – “Taxpayers’ Right to Vote” – which aims to keep cities and counties out of the power business. It’s backed by P G & E. Why does it seem like any time “Taxpayers’ Rights” are invoked in a proposition, it means big money for some corporation?

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Taking back the country…

April 1, 2010

Listening to all these white, mostly male Tea Partiers talking about cutting all government programs and “Taking back our country.” And I have to think, take it back where…. to the 1700s?
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Meg Whitman is fond of saying California is broken. And her way to fix it is to a elect a successful personable Republican with new ideas but without real political experience. Uh, been there, done that.

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Republicans are all making a big issue out of the idea that there is too much government intervention in our lives, and that the government ought to leave Americans alone to make their own decisions. Which means of course they will be supporting the ballot initiative in California to legalize marijuana….. Oops, never mind.
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One of Tiger Woods’ fellow tour members, Fred Couples is going to practice with him before the Masters. This is one of those headlines, however, that will read better than it will sound on the radio – ‘Tiger plays a round with Couples.”

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Watched some GOP pundits and elected officials say through clenched teeth that they approved of the President’s new offshore oil drilling plan. Can’t tell if Obama makes Republicans angrier when he does something “liberal and out of touch” or when he actually agrees with them.

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Good news for Toronto Maple Leafs fans. The team will unveil new, better looking jerseys next year. Bad news. The Jerseys will have the same old Leafs in them.

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The Toronto Maple Leafs were officially eliminated from the playoffs. In related news, Ricky Martin is still gay.

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